Other Fetishes

Hello Will we soon have a new chapter of Lila's adventures ???

I do see incontinence as a form of disability. People do tend to treat me as disabled because I'm diapered. I have to use the disabled or assist bathroom to change. I also let hotels know I'm incontinent, so I get mattress protection and a large trashcan, usually they will put me in a disabled room. I let medical staff know, so that I will be diapered if I have surgery or I am hospitalized. Ive foimd that most assime if you epwearca diaper imsteadcof a pull-up that you have dual incontinence and treat you accordingly, especially if you are in a skilled nursing facility where everyone seems to be diapered. When I was on a trip to the UK, all the disabled toilet signs said "some disabilities are invisible." 

Hey everyone! I probably should have mentioned that I was going to try and post on Saturday with my last chapter… but I guess I also didn’t want to make that promise and break it… again. Sorry about all that again, but now that I’m feeling better and more interested in this story, I think the schedule should be more normal. Of course, this is the holiday season and there might be a few things that delay it a day or two, but I should be able to start posting again regularly on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. For those looking ahead, with roughly about 10 chapters to go, this means this story will end sometime in the middle of December. If any of that changes, I’ll be sure to let you all know. On a separate note, I’ve been editing a lot of my old stories apart from this site to get them up to par with my current writing abilities. Some require substantial edits (especially some of my earlier stories), while a few only need a handful of terms or phrases changed in retrospect once I finished them. As part of this, I’ve been looking into the world building I did with my Diaper Dimension stories, and I’ve come to realize that I’m not a fan of some of the city names. I tried to get all fancy with a few and they really don’t work looking back. So, I’m going to very soon be going back over these and switching out some of the city names for something simpler. For example, Utem or Colorubrum (being so close to the original names) will likely stay but Loculofus might get the axe. If I do change any for those, I will come back and edit the corresponding ones here and I will make sure to show the section has been edited as well as updating the maps and the reference guide. Next, just as a reminder, a new poll is up for you all to let me know which story you all would like to read next. Story options and the link can be found back in the beginning of chapter 2. As I mentioned before though, if you feel more comfortable leaving a comment here or as a private message to me, I will count these as well. Additionally, like before, this poll will be shut down right before I post my final chapter on here. Further announcements will be made regarding this when the time gets closer. Last but not least and as usual, I hope everyone enjoys this next chapter of my story! Chapter 6: Choosing Happiness Is Okay Okay… so maybe it wasn’t just one little peek the other night… As soon as I opened that laptop, it felt like the secrets of the world were pouring out at the edge of my fingertips. Piles and piles of information flowed into my brain that night. I learned just about everything I could and felt every delight and sensation of elation that tingled along my body. I didn’t hold back, and I embraced whatever I felt fully, which at the time was wonderful. A few days later though… that proverbial Pandora’s box hadn’t been closed yet. I just couldn’t get enough of the new world I had discovered in those web pages. Every day, I would come home and look up a new site of interest, delving into the various aspects of the diaper loving community. The information out there was actually far more extensive than I ever could have imagined, and the little part of my brain that was telling me that all this was okay just couldn’t seem to get enough. In some strange way, it felt like that part had been starved for attention forever and was now getting its first taste of what it really wanted. Slowly though, the other little part of me that felt shame and embarrassment over this desire at first, began to recede as well. Not as ravenous but not shying away from that content anymore either. But I was still running into one question. It was simple enough but maybe being the technically minded person that I was, I kept trying to classify myself as something within this new community I found. For whatever reason, over the past few days, I’ve felt that I needed to take a second and figure that out… if I was more AB or DL. Not a big deal either way, but both seemed to echo in my mind at all hours of the day in between the times I was once again giddy. Now that I wasn’t denying myself and not feeling the immense shame or fear anymore… my moodiness in the mornings seemed to disappear completely… especially when I nearly stopped caring about a wet diaper to wake up to anymore.   Still though, I wanted to know. So, tonight I sit at my computer and try to do more research about it. It takes me a second, but finally, I find a website dedicated to all sorts of ABDL items and more specifically, it has a section for newcomers. ‘Okay… let’s see where this leads…’ Eager, I click the link and enter the page. There, I find all sorts of things, but right near the bottom, it sets up a test of sorts if you wish to figure out more where you fall on the spectrum with ABDL. There are multiple ways to do it, but the one thing that stands out most apparently to me is more of a practical kind for some reason… almost like if I’m being willed toward that option above all others. Noted as being surer to identify oneself though, I think makes me even more eager beyond whatever else is compelling me. But, simply put and according to the site, I would need to go out in public to a store or order something to my doorstep that was babyish but sized for an adult. It would be up to me what it is, but it needs to be something small to ‘test the waters’ as it were. ‘Hmmm… online would be more secretive…’ But as I look those things up, the soonest I could get something to my house would be two days at best. Curious and more than eager at this point to jump into this world even more, I look for local listings, and sure enough, there’s a store that sells ABDL items just around the block from me. Sighing, I resolve it in myself to go tomorrow right after lunch. So, the next day I awake, change my diaper, eat my lunch after having slept in, and then head out. Looking at my phone, the place is easy enough to get to, with me only having to make about three turns and being less than eight blocks away in total. The days are still pretty nice out, a few leaves already starting to fall around the sidewalks and so I pretty thoroughly enjoy myself on the way over. But when I get to the door, I freeze for a moment before entering. Right as I get there, I feel two storms within myself. One in the back of my mind is tickling and tantalizing me to go forward and pursue this lead to the utmost. It’s like some sort of itch compelling me to step through the door without delay. But another part of me looks at the store… it sees the other kink items associated through the darkened windows. That part of my mind sees a few people staring at me as I already pause in front of the place, let alone entering inside… and that tiny bit begins to feel panic. So, I stand there and bat all these sorts of ideas around in my head trying to get to the heart of why I’m hesitating so much. So far, I’ve just been in the pursuit of making myself happier. It’s a tiny little thing in this world, but with the year I’ve been having, even with all this new ABDL stuff entering into my life… even the part of my mind protesting the store can’t argue or deny myself that joy. After another moment of telling myself that, feeling more resolved now, I then take a breath and open the door to step inside. Almost immediately, I’m surrounded by a space that seems both alien and fascinating to me. Though I never participated in the kink scene in particular, I wasn’t exactly ignorant of it either… at least with the things that had started to become mainstream already. Whips and paddles line one wall, bondage gear on another, and even contraptions and sharp metal prong and rollers are stored nearby as well. Each new thing that I see up close and personal is another thing to both frighten and intrigue me. But all that isn’t why I’m here. I keep needing to remind myself of that… especially after I pass by the handcuffs and the gags displayed down one aisle and bathed with black shelves, letting their little metal pieces shine out and catch my eye. I nearly stop… but then I see it. It’s a smaller part of the store for sure, but sure enough, as my eyes drift towards the back, the ABDL items stick out prominently. As I near them, it’s no surprise. All around me, besides black, the color of reds, purples, and silvers are the most dominant colors. In this one corner though… yellows, pinks, blues, whites, and a variety of other similarly bright colors nearly seem to illuminate the spot and call out to me like some cutesy homing beacon. Also feeling a wonderful sense of warmth and comfort inside, nearly like a ray of sunshine piercing through the clouds, my eyes grow wide at seeing everything now so close to me. My hands reach out, but I immediately pull them back. ‘No, Liam… no. Maybe another day, but… ease into this. One step at a time. Remember the website…’ Recalling what I had read earlier, it had wisely suggested to go slow and to buy something small. In the ABDL world, apparently, things could get expensive fast and one of the top thing to avoid was a binge and purge cycle. Some in the community would seemingly despise what they had bought and throw or donate it all away… only for the desire to come back and then they would go crazy and buy it all back… sometimes even more. So, wanting to avoid that cycle as much as possible, and begin to look for the things that were suggested; diapers, onesies, stuffed animals, pacifiers… those sorts of things. Resolved, I narrow my focus… but I linger on the spot for a while trying to make up my mind. I guess in a place like this, lingering probably isn’t a good thing. “Can I help you there?” a young but womanly voice asks from behind me. I spin around and spot a beautiful, tattooed woman with a mix of both blonde and blue hair. Staring at me for a moment, I see her eyes look at me… and then to the ABDL section I was just looking at. “Oh… uh… I… I…” I stammer on the spot. I knew coming in here that I was going to be seen by someone… but I had never in a million years thought that someone would actually come up and talk to me. “Woah, woah… easy there,” she says calmly before squinting at me carefully. “First time here?” I feel the heat rising to my cheeks and shy away for a second. “Y… yeah.” I just want to be swallowed whole by the ground. “A… am I really that obvious?” She smiles and nods her head after letting off a tiny chuckle. “Just a little. Regular clients in here go straight to the section of their choice and walk around like it’s their home away from home. Newbies though tend to stare at everything and then freeze when they find what they’ve been looking for. Considering you weren’t taking pictures, and you didn’t have a judgmental face on when you first walked in… I figured you weren’t just a looker and were a newbie instead.” Once again, she tilts to one side and looks behind me. “So… AB, DL… somewhere in between maybe?” she questions with arched eyebrows and yet not a scrap of judgment etched anywhere on her face. Honestly, that kind of mix impresses me a little bit. “Oh… uh… well,” I hem and haw once again. I feel like such a fool, so not wanting to look even more ridiculous, I take a breath and look back at her with any resolve I have left. “I… I’m not sure actually. Kind of new to all this, and well… I got a suggestion to get one thing… something small or meaningful to me.” “Dipping your toes in, huh?” she asks, stepping around me and getting closer to the ABDL section behind me. I nod. “Yeah… something like that.” “Understandable… happens for a lot of newbies to a new kink if they don’t have a guide or dome or whatever helping them along already,” she notes, now standing right by the section and looking at me as if waiting for me to make a selection on the spot. When I don’t though, she rubs her hands together. “Well, feel free to say no to this and choose what you want… but you seemed a little stuck earlier… so, do you maybe want a suggestion about what to choose?” I look back at this new woman in my life. Her gaze is soft, yet it feels piercing to my soul. I look for signs of her, mocking me or even judging me… But all that looks back is an understanding glance and a true desire to help me. Biting my lip and with a reluctant sigh after, I decide to trust her for this one little thing. “Yes, please…” I say, trying to regain my confidence back in her presence yet utterly failing. “I guess… I’m just a little out of my element with all this.” “Aww,” she practically coos, adopting a more open demeanor and putting on a more caring smile. “No need to be embarrassed, sweetie. I can recognize a friend in need when I see one. So… any parameters?” She smiles and speaks to me like I’m seven, and there’s a part of me that should feel humiliated and run out of the store as quickly as I can… But I don’t. Instead, I just stand there, feeling the heat bloom around my cheeks and ears. I feel my heart racing and hearing it’s loose in the sound of my ears. I almost feel like I’m underwater, but at the same time that same sensation almost calms me down soon after… almost like a presence is telling me somewhere deep down that everything will be okay now and that everything else is just a silly, funny feeling that will go away if I let it. Maybe sensing my hesitation or even just seeing my red face under her gaze, the blue and blonde hair woman continues to smile and then stretches out her hand. “Freezing up, huh? That’s okay, but how about this? Right now, we’re strangers and I know in a place like this, that can be very intimidating and even a little frightening.” She opens her hand further and gingerly, brings it closer to me, almost as if she was feeding a baby deer. “My name’s Heather. What’s yours there, cutie?” I feel I want the ground to swallow me whole on the spot. I sense no danger from her whatsoever… but there’s still a part of me that’s holding back. Instead of being offended, like others might have been though, Heather renews her smile and calmly jostles her hand for a moment. “It’s okay… I promise.” With her other hand, while keeping her other hand in place to shake mine still, she then gestures to the shop around us. “In here, we keep each other’s secrets, and we don’t judge what we don’t understand. And, if we don’t know about it, we learn it.” She then gestures toward the door. “Outside, exercise all the caution you wish.” Her tone previously serious when talking about the outside world, once again become cheery and bright. “But here, feel free to let your guard down as much as you feel comfortable with.” She looks at me closely and with a calm that seems to filter into every pore of my being. “Now… just take a breath and relax. You’re safe here.” Like a key unlocking some part of my mind, I nearly instantly feel the tension leaving my shoulders. The frown I have been unconsciously working on seems to dissipate in a moment of clarity and calm. Looking down at her hand and then back up at her I smile back in kind as I finally shake her hand. “L… Liam. G… good to meet you.” Heather gently shakes my hand as well. “Good to meet you Liam. Welcome to Agatha’s Emporium.” She then takes one cautious step closer to me. “Now, Liam. Do you have any idea of what you’re looking for today? No problem if you don’t, I might have a few suggestions, but let’s start with you might have come in here searching for to start off with.” I remember back to the website once again and that it strongly suggested starting small. There’s a part of me I can’t deny that looks at the shelving behind her with wonder and amusement… a desire to disobey that suggestion and get everything I want in one go. But I don’t do that. Despite my rational mind continually taking a backseat as of late, the urge to follow the rules doesn’t leave me. In fact, there’s some part of me, and if I’m honest with myself, the same part that’s compelling me towards all these new desires, that is almost nervous not to follow the rules. “Uh… well… I was looking online and there was a suggestion to stay small in the beginning. I… I’m not sure if I want to follow that, but I think I should… Right?” I don’t know why I’m asking for her advice on the spot over something like that. A new ball gag or maybe a paddle? Sure. ‘But this?’ Despite my hesitation though, there’s just something that’s telling me that it’s okay. She looks at me knowingly for a moment and then takes a step closer to me. “Well, Liam, as the salesperson I am, I want to hang that rule out to dry, but as someone who knows what it’s like to be new to some of this sometimes, I have to tell you that it’s actually pretty good advice.” She seems conflicted and for the first time, I see a moment of doubt in her eyes. But then looking back at the shelf, and then back at me, I then see a new resolve in her eyes. “Tell you what… you stick to that advice for today. Test out whatever you end up getting if you want, and if you like it, come back for more.” Her caution is actually a little refreshing. With my own mind, thoughts, emotions in such a swirl of change, one levelheaded voice is nice to hear. “Okay. That sounds like a plan I can stick with.” I hesitate and twirl around for a moment, a little embarrassment still sticking around despite everything that’s been promised to me today about secrecy and all. “So… uh, do you still have a recommendation maybe for me?” Her hesitancy fully gone now, Heather smiles before reaching behind her and plucking out a colorful and plastic package from one of the hooks. “This,” she says simply. I reach out with trembling fingers and take the package from her, examining every square inch of it before looking back up at her. “Uh… this?” I question with a little skepticism. Heather smiles and nods approvingly of her own choice. “Yes.” She then points to the package of what is unmistakably an adult diaper. “This should fit you snuggly and with the designs, it should help get you in a mindset to determine if you’re more AB or DL. That being said, I do know some DL’s who might enjoy this as well. Not the most common thing, but just in case, consider maybe turning on something a little childish while you do to be sure.” “What? Like a TV show or a movie?” My mind instantly tries to think of my childhood and maybe something I enjoyed then that I could still now, but I only come up blank. “Exactly,” Heather confirms. “If you’re nervous about it or think you might be more of a DL and feel like you could be wasting your time, choose something that’s even been liked by adults. Pixar… even Bluey can be a good start, but there are others out there as well.” She looks at me closely with a near superhuman amount of reassurance. “You know what you like, and maybe just start your search from there.” I nod and head over to check out, my hands sweating as it tightly grips the plastic package of an adult diaper… though this one is far from ‘adult’ with its cutesy cartoon creature designs emblazoning the label so clearly and brightly. I examine the package as Heather begins to ring me up and I see that it checks off many of the things I was looking for today. ‘Small, useful, powerfully AB for sure while also being something more in line with DL if I just ignore the print and all. Perfect.’ The machine beeping on the counter, Heather turns back to me after pulling a small bin from underneath the counter. “Now, I wouldn’t be very good at my job if I didn’t offer you one of these for 20% off as well.” I look inside what she pulled out, and my face instantly blushes once more. There, I see dozen of pacifiers… adult pacifiers. I swallow dryly and I even feel my hand moving up to claim one of the light blue ones… but I turn away and shake my head quickly. “No, no… thank you, but… no.” I wince at my own denial. I can feel just how much I really want one… but my own adherence to the rules I read about and set for myself win out instead. Heather smiles and lets out a single little half-chuckle. “Suit yourself. Just know they’re waiting for you whenever you come back.” She then places a single business card for Agatha’s Emporium on the table. “For when you want to come back…” I quickly move past the notion that she just assumed I would absolutely be back, but as I pay for the diaper and she places it in a shiny black bag, I already feel the longing for more and quickly snatch up the card. Blushing and trying to just run out of the store, I thank her and make a quick exit. “Come back anytime, honey!” she calls out, giggling a little as I have trouble opening the door for a moment. “There’s plenty more where that came from!” I finally get the door open and burst out onto the street. Not even looking where I’m going or the commotion that I just caused from bursting out so quickly, I turn to the left and almost start running… not even looking where I’m going. “Ooof!” I run smackdab into someone and falter back. I only don’t fall over completely as I tumble back into the front of another building… this one brick and taller than Agatha’s Emporium. “Liam?” I hear a familiar voice question my name. Opening my eyes and standing back up fully, I see Gwen standing right in front of me and dusting herself off a little. “Oh! Gwen!” I then realize she was the person I ran into. “Oh shoot! Are you okay?” She smiles and shuffles her shoulder forward, nearly acting like nothing had happened. “No, no. All good here. Are you okay? You didn’t bump your head or anything like that, did you?” She takes a step forward, looking closely at my head before I even have a chance to answer. “No!” I slide to my right and out of her line of reach. “All good. Just… tripped is all.” “Ah, well, that’s good then.” She then looks up and down the block for a moment before looking back at me. “Uh… you’re not here for answers about the séance, are you?” “What?” I don’t make the connection of her question. She gestures above me and sure enough, I see her shop sign dangling just out of reach. “My shop and…” She shakes her head. “Doesn’t matter, but… I sadly still don’t have an answer for you. I’ve actually exhausted all my own research that I’ve done here, and I had to reach out to one of my higher ups. Very strange and unique what happened. Tricky business and all…” If I didn’t know any better, I could swear she sounded like she was disappointed in herself. “Oh… well, I was just here for…” I steal a glance at the bag still clutched tightly in my hand… and the babyish diaper I just bought for myself to wear. Not wanting to give that away… or even hint that I’ve been giving into those desires, I quickly shoot my glance back up to Gwen. “Just shopping for a… friend!” Gwen blinks once or twice at me and then smiles back like nothing is wrong whatsoever. “Oh, well… lucky them. But actually, while I have you here…” She then gently nudges me to the side as a crowd of people tries to maneuver past us. “Is there anything different in your life? Maybe something strange you’ve noticed?” I have half a mind to confirm with a ‘yes’ on the spot and show her my bag now. Before, it would have just been humiliating, but in those tiny questions from her, suddenly, I have a lingering doubt if these new feelings are fully me. ‘Is it Frankie? Did Gwen screw up and get my wires crossed or something? Or has all this just brough something out in me that I always had and yet never acted on?’ The notion swirls around me and I almost feel nauseous. Still though, I see Gwen is waiting for an answer from me. I know I could tell her… maybe even fix what’s happening to me… but it’s also been bringing me happiness and that’s not something I’m willing to depart with just yet. At the same time however, I do know something is different for me, and not wanting to fully lie to her, I offer a half truth. “Uh, well, actually now that you mention it…” “Yes?” Gwen leans closer to me, her eyes wide and even fearful now. “Well… ever since that night, I’ve had this happy feeling… like super happy,” I recall, referencing back to the giddiness that keeps popping up in my life when I’m not anxious about all this new bedwetting or ABDL stuff. “I almost feel… uh, a little high actually. Kind of been an interesting couple of weeks now…” “Oh my…” I hear the concern laced deep within her voice… but her face almost looks suspicious, like my mom looks whenever I used to lie back when I was a teen about where I was going after school. “That’s… interesting, but… is there anything else?” She even puts her hands on her hips subtly like my mom used to do… In a second, I feel like I’m five again under her intense gaze. Not necessarily in trouble right then and there, but I get the peculiar sensation that I just stole from the cookie jar and then told my mom that it was really the dog who took the cookies. “Well… maybe a few oddities…” I pause the moment I see one of her eyebrows raise. “But it’s just stress!” I blurt out, feeling a little flush return to my cheeks. “I see… well, I’ll definitely look into this further. You telling me that actually could give me just the answer I needed, but…” Her eyes then drop to the bag in my hands. “What’s…?” Before she even has a chance to finish, I’m waving goodbye and running away. The bag is just plain black… but I nearly feel sweat trickle down the back of my neck from the sheer number of nerves that are firing right as she looks at. “Oh shoot! Just remembered I have somewhere to be. Good talking, uh… bye!” I then sprint off fully. “Oh, well… bye then…” I hear her confusion and concern once more, but when I look behind me a few seconds later, I only see her waving goodbye… and not following me. Back home, I slam the door behind. “Whew! Way too close.” I look down at the bag and my colorful new diaper inside. “She could have seen you and then…” I squeeze my eyes and shake my head, desperately trying not to focus on that possible scenario. Wanting to drop it quickly, I nearly launch the bag into my bedroom and hurry back downstairs to distract myself away from all that as much as I can. It doesn’t work. Almost like that bag is burning a hole through my ceiling, even as I win a few rounds with my first-person shooter game, I’m drawn back to what I purchased earlier. I try to fight it as much as I can, but it’s not even an hour later where my little itch gets too much to resist anymore. “Screw this!” I bolt up and groan and my lack of control in saying ‘no.’ I want to… I really do, but every time I get close to turning back around when I go up the stairs… I don’t. Like a magnet pulling me forward, I can’t resist the package lying in wait for me. Worse, as soon as my eyes greet the black plastic bag with the colorful diaper tucked inside… my resistance completely vanishes. Which is why, ten minutes later, I’m downstairs in my new diaper and searching through one of my streaming services for something to watch. Still not finding anything, I decide to check my phone and go from there. ‘Heather said go with my interests and something that adults might like…’ Putting a few likes together and just making a few simple assumptions, I land on Disney+. I don’t even really think at that point. While I’m searching this time though, like so many other moments lately, I feel a near magical spell take over my hand. If I was more of a betting man, I swear I could have been blindfolded and my fingers would have still been clicking away. Almost feeling like a habit, my fingers suddenly stopped and staring right back at me was a single show… one I heard about but never bothered to watch… The Owl House. Some girl I knew back in college loved it, but I never watched it even after all her praise of it… but even looking for a second now, I can see several things that actually pique my interest. ‘Magic? Witch? Animated show on Disney?’ I feel a peculiar, but now almost familiar, sense of excitement bubbling up in my chest. I try and hold it back as I do a little more research about… but as soon as I see that it received critical acclaim from fans and critics, I’m hooked and quickly hit play. It’s amazing just how relaxed a person can get. Even when they are at the peak of their happiness, they can suddenly find themselves so relaxed in bliss that everything seems to blur together. Time seems to lose meaning… and they might just fall asleep. Two episodes in, it happens to me. Before I can even register it… I’m out like a light. When I wake up, I see Luz on the TV talking to some strange bat lady. I go to rub my eyes and look around, but I hear a pop as I do so and feel a loss of some kind. Not sure what I make of it, I look to see where it came from… only to notice my thumb wet and wrinkly. ‘Wait… no. The pop… a wet thumb…’ I go to check my mouth, and sure enough, there’s a single line of wetness in the perfect shape of my thumb. ‘I was… sucking my thumb?’ I begin to panic. I was getting used to waking up in wet diapers and I’m even coming to accept my other strange new desires… like for the colorful diaper now around my waist. ‘But thumb sucking?’ It feels alien and foreign and bad in a way I just can’t put except to think that the others I’m experiencing can be a sign of stress or maybe even sickness. But thumb sucking… that’s a whole new territory. My mind reels in confusion and nervousness, but above all… fear, and I begin thinking of my life in two parts. My continued pleasure versus a palpable embarrassment with each new thing in my life. My extreme relaxation when I give in versus the humiliation that I feel with what comes before and after that feeling. And most of all… my undeniable happiness versus the babyish things I have to partake in to get there now it seems. I pick up the phone to call the shrink I first talked to when Frankie died. But right as I pick up the phone right next to me on the couch, it rings. Shocked for a moment, I pick it up to answer. “Hello?” “Liam… it’s Carmen… you okay? You sound like you just saw another ghost. Did you?” Before I even get the chance to explain, she pushes further. “And what’s that noise in the background. You watching a firework show or something?” I blush as she can hear the spell battle and chase sequence with The Owl House still running on the TV in front of me. Quickly, I exit out the show. “Oh… no. Just… watching a history channel documentary. You know, nerdy stuff. Cannon went off and it jostled me awake. Must have passed out…” I was almost disturbed by how easily that lie slipped out… except that it was saving my skin from the truth of me watching an animated show on Disney+ all the while wearing a babyish diaper and just having freaked out over the realization that I had been sucking my thumb during a nap in the afternoon. “Oh… that makes sense. You always loved your little documentaries. Seems like things are returning to normal then, huh?” Like Brandon did, I could tell she was checking in on me as well. “Oh… just a little…” I flat-out ignore the soft diaper currently swaddling me. “Well, that’s great to hear,” she says with a sincerity I appreciate. “Still though… Brandon and I were going out for a beer tomorrow night, and well… we just wanted to ask you if you wanted to come along.” I might normally feel like a fifth wheel with a plan like that… but given everything lately, I feel I could use the distraction. “Oh, most definitely. Could use a sec to get out of my head around here.” “Perfect.” Then, like Brandon did as well, she then informs me of her week. Despite the fact they we were meeting up tomorrow, I hear all sorts of details that she emphasizes and that Brandon never would. For him, it’s his trouble in traffic or a problem he fixed or something weird or funny at work. For her, it’s about her customers and their little stories of hope or happiness, or it’s something about some food she tried or dog she met while out walking. I appreciate both approaches. But while I’m listening, my slowly drying thumb beckons a little itch in my head… a question I feel I need to ask someone who’s usually a little more open with their thoughts and feelings. With Brandon, I might get a joke back. With Carmen, I might actually have my question answered. So, using a break when she finally takes a breath, I jump in. “Uh, Carmen… do you uh, think it’s okay to have a desire for things from the past? Like when you were a kid?” I definitely don’t want to just ask her about watching cartoons or wearing a diaper or sucking your thumb… but I know I can get a rough answer all the same. “Hmmm… interesting question.” I practically hear her muse from the other end of the line before she clears her throat. “You know, I think it is okay to want something maybe from a simpler and easier time… or at least try to recapture what we felt like were the best parts from back then.” She takes a quick breath. “I would say though that all that’s good as long as you still keep your focus on what’s important now and don’t get lost in your memories or in trying to relive the past. Does that make sense?” “You mean like adult responsibilities?” I question, knowing fully I have a bunch of dishes I need to wash before dinner tonight. “Exactly,” she confirms cheerily. “Like when I watch something anime or maybe even a few cartoons from when I was younger. Gives me a relief in a way. Simple stuff to enjoy and take in.” “That makes complete sense,” I say, feeling my own little bit of relief. I know cartoons and what I’m doing are basically two different things… but even a little reassurance that what I’m doing okay in a roundabout way soothes my worries. “Thank you so much, Carmen.” “You’re welcome,” she says, her smile from the other side nearly visible from just the sound of her voice. “Anytime, Liam.” We then both promise to meet up tomorrow downtown and say our goodbyes before hanging up. When I set the phone down… I stare at the title screen for The Owl House and then down at my diaper and then to my thumb. Each is evidence of something I feel I should be worried about, but as I look around, I really only see a change in me and what’s on the screen. The rest of the house is still clean, adult, and tidy as it should be. Seeing what I’m doing almost as window dressing and nearly getting permission from Carmen, I feel a little calm beginning to take over my mind at last. I let out a deep breath of relief and ponder things for just a moment. I know I need to make dinner… but I feel I also need to tell myself a thing or two before I do. So, sitting there on the couch, my diaper fully on display to anyone who might just walk in, I smile at the mix I still seem to be able to maintain between my two lives emerging now. One is work at the office and friends and bars and walking outside. The other is bedwetting and diapers and cartoons and Martha and ghosts and Heather and all that. It’s weird and wonderful and strange all at the same time. In this one moment, I give myself permission at last to keep doing what I’m doing. In a way, it almost feels like something that maybe I need in my life to truly cope with Frankie’s death. Despite really not seeing her spirit again oddly enough, I feel a peace like the one I felt when I first saw her. I endure six months of grief after she died. I felt I was never going to be whole again and that I would just be consumed by the darkness slowly overtaking me. Now, despite maybe the more abnormal circumstances of my life, I at least feel happy. That tiny relief laying over me like a warm blanket, I simply stand and go over to the kitchen to get dinner ready. There, I find my wallet… and see the card Heather gave me for Agatha’s Emporium. Smiling, I look down and pat my diaper before staring at my thumb. ‘Yeah… definitely going to go back at get that pacifier.’ As I set the card back down and open the refrigerator to get dinner ready, I feel I’m opening another door in my life… one that might not be able to be closed again. But for whatever reason, good or bad, I feel oddly but wonderfully okay with that notion and that for the first time since Frankie passed, I’m choosing happiness. And choosing happiness, even if it’s weird, is okay.  

That wouldn't be allowed. No sexual situations under 18

Don't see those often, and not lately. Hope you find some!