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Talk to your doctor, don't take my advice on this, but... I doubt it's affecting your prostate.  As for self-hate and shame, that is a tough nut to crack. I have wrestled with these demons a bit myself, but I think I'm done with that, now. I have a number of people in my life who know I wear diapers, for various reasons; I don't advertise it, but I've been doing it for 7 years, and the people closest to me have either figured it out, or they had to be enlightened for one reason or another.  I felt a lot of shame, as a kid who liked wearing diapers, even though I didn't decide, when I was four or five, to become attracted to, and obsessed with, a garment generally associated with infantilism, delayed development, dependency and incompetence. It took me a long time - well into my adulthood - to realize that "this" chose me, I didn't choose this. I was "into" diapers way, way before I was making decisions, and nor did it have anything to do, at the time, with sexuality - I was a little kid. So, why should I be ashamed of that?  As for self-hatred, am I hurting anyone, outside of maybe my wallet, and sometimes, the integrity of my skin, down under? Is this like, say, being addicted to drugs, and committing crimes to feed that addiction, or drinking and driving, or addictive gambling, blowing my kids' college funds on chasing thrills at the casino, or sports betting? No. Having uncommon underwear preferences are not like any of the above. So, why are people so judgmental about this affliction, of all things? Well, it goes back to what diapers signify, for most people, and how we train little kids to want to get out of them - with shame and disgust and promises about being seen as "bigger".  The problem is in their heads, not mine, and if they have such a negative opinion of my predilection for plastic underclothes, that they can't stand to be in my company, then I can do better, for company. It's a bit harder, when it's your family, because you can't go out and find a new mom or sister or cousin. But if they want to deserve to be part of your life, then they need to create room for who you are; expecting you to live your life by their rules is a degree of control that they are not entitled to, in my opinion. If you are dependent on them for financial, or other support, then you should try to decouple yourself from that train, and if you are not, then, congratulations, and it's time to take a stand, and say, "Hey, I'm 52 (according to your profile), and it's my life, and I am uninterested in your judgement. I get that you don't understand this side of me, but you don't need to, just as I wouldn't have to explain it to you, if I were, say, taking heart medication, or if I were to get into yoga. If you don't like it, don't do it. Accept me for who I am, or I am going to go looking for people who do, because I am uninterested in you thinking you have this power over me. You don't. I'm not rejecting you, for who you are or what you like, but if you're rejecting me, because you disagree with my underpants, then that's a you problem. I'm going to live my life the way I want to, I'll bear the consequences, I'll pay the bills, and if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing, please - I'm not asking for your opinion." Now, of course, you have to be reasonable about not pushing them into engaging with this aspect of you that has no interest for them - if you're wanting to be flamboyant about it, or live openly as an adult baby, or get your kicks by inflicting your kink onto innocent bystanders, then you are doing some harm, and they have a right to ask you to cease and desist. But if you just want to be free to wear any type of underwear you want to, in the way most people wear them, IE, under clothing, and generally not on public display, then grant yourself that freedom. If you want to be more open about it, find a community, or a partner, or both, where you can be yourself, with like-minded individuals who choose to be there. But don't wear other people's irrational opinions about this aspect of yourself, to the point of hating who you are. Why allow them that power? 

Two bags of diapers, a hat, a tumbler and a duffel bag.

Kudos to @Moon3ye for predicting it was Bea. I got totally sidetracked when I realized there was a whole Monstrum story I somehow missed while I was away from dd for awhile. Started reading that instead of Parum Mortis… <looks at ground and draws lines with big toe>  Nice reveal, though. 

Annie was unaware of everything happening to her. She didn't feel herself get carried into her nursery and sleeping in her crib like an actual baby. To be honest it was her first real night of sleep in always 2 weeks. Still unaware what was in the bottle as she slept like a rock. Unaware of her bladder as she started to really wet her diaper. Around 2am she woke briefly as she could feel her diaper being more thick than usually. Her body felt like dead weight but she felt something was wrong. She was only able to mutter out a few words as she slowly realized she had actual wet herself in her sleep. But she was still so out of it and could barely get her body to move

i like to know how to deal with shame  she says its  money  and effecting your prostate  i  been sensing  i feel  a  thought  i hate myself    maybe this is the root of destorying  things when i am angry  or want a  shirt or short to be replace because somthing is wrong .   i  found info to help prevent my prostate not be inflammation   and i   buy  only 2 megas and booster