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Well I missed out on a littles' event last weekend due to storms delaying our return from holiday.  Mummy's going away this weekend, so I'm going to be a baby all weekend to make up for it.  More bottles, I'm going to make rice pudding, my teddies are on the settee, children's books to read, onesies and dummy in all day and all night (which is pretty much my normal state anyway, to be fair). Pombears and Smarties. Children's television and comics.  Not sure what else.  I'm pretty sure Mummy knows this is what's going to be happening.

I don't think I've ever had a nappy dream of any kind. Which is why I don't usually contribute thoughts to these 'dream' sub-threads.  They're usually about running a long race and not being able to find the finish.  Mind you, my anxiety levels about being nappied are down around the zero mark these days.

144. New Roles They barely spoke on the drive back to Gabby’s house, with Tess and Spike just sitting in the back seat of the car holding hands. That was all the communication they needed; words would have been superfluous. But as they approached Palmerston, Tess looked up. “Don’t say anything?” she suggested, and then after a little pause she added more detail: “I mean, about what happened there. I don’t want to make Gabby worry. And Ffrances doesn’t need to be thinking about it tonight. Okay?” “Yeah,” Spike mumbled after a few seconds. “Is there anything else we need to do now? They’ll hold onto him this time, won’t they? Second altercation since he’s been out on bail.” “I think so. And I guess… you can look after yourself now? Adam was teaching you self-defence right? But I never expected it to be over so quickly. You’re getting good.” “Pretty good,” Adam agreed from the front of the car. “That guy’s all about intimidating people, and slapping around somebody who can’t fight back. You don’t need to be scared of him now. Better to think happy thoughts.” “Yeah,” Spike said, and turned back to Tess. “I think… I really want to stop going over those seconds in my head. Can I get changed when we get back, and we can relax some?” “Of course,” Tess said, and smiled back at him. She was sure that he meant he wanted to be the little sister today, and she was happy with that. “Maybe I should too. I mean… this is one of those situations where there’s nothing left for me to do, but I still feel like I should be able to do something. A break might be good. But I’d rather try… well, looking after my brave Spike first.” “Maybe you should remember it’s okay to be a little girl sometimes?” Spike suggested, and Tess found herself glancing towards Adam again. Would he have any idea what they were really talking about? She didn’t think so; Spike was just reminding her that she was legally still a minor, so she didn’t need to be taking on all the responsibility. But she knew that he probably meant something else. He wanted her to feel safe as well; for them both to be regressed. And after the highly charged atmosphere of the evening so far, Tess knew there was a good chance that he was right. She wanted to be in charge, and felt like it would be good for her, but there was a chance that her actions would look different from the outside. Spike would know more than anybody else if she was pushing herself too hard, and she promised herself that she would trust his judgement. “Maybe,” she said. “If you think I need to let go, that’s your choice. But I do think that you need to relax first.” Before he could respond, they were pulling onto the driveway. Spike quickly jumped out of the car, and ran around to the other side to open Tess’s door for her. She giggled a little, thinking that was a little piece of chivalry that she had never expected to see in the real world. And then he was taking her arm to lead her to the front door. Somehow, it was really sentimental and kind of funny at the same time. They stood in front of the door for a couple of seconds while Adam drove away, and then Spike turned to her, gently taking her face in his hands. Tess’s heart raced; any time Spike touched her was a special moment now, and she hoped that she would never stop enjoying it like this. “While I’m still grown up enough to do this…” he whispered, and then leaned closer to press his lips against hers. Tess leaned into him, holding him close, and nervously tried to figure out what to do with her tongue. But after the first few seconds it seemed so natural, and she didn’t hesitate anymore. Everything was right, and she didn’t need to worry. Spike could be her boyfriend now, and her innocent little sister in ten minutes, and she would love him just as much either way. Every moment they spent together was precious, and nothing else mattered. The kiss seemed to last forever, and it was way too short. But Tess couldn’t stop smiling, even as she felt her bladder release. There was no desperation this time; just muscles that wouldn’t respond to the commands from her brain. For a second, Tess started to panic and wondered how she was going to hide this from Spike. And then she saw that he was smiling, and remembered that just a couple of minutes ago, they’d been talking about whether she needed to let go of her grown-up thoughts and relax as well. He could have said the trigger, and she just hadn't consciously been aware of it. He wanted her to be a baby, so he could have a chance to be her Daddy, and it was clear that in that instant he was enjoying her blushes. Tess tried to be angry, and thought about what she could say to him; how she could make him understand that surprising her like that in the middle of such a touching moment wasn’t cute or romantic. But she couldn’t find that rage inside herself, and no words came to mind. She thought about telling him that she wanted to be the one in charge, but she knew that… She wasn’t even sure what she knew, right now. But against all her expectations, she was actually enjoying herself. Just seeing Spike’s smile, and knowing that he was there to look after her, was all she needed. What should she do now? She didn’t know. But the more she tried to think about it, the more she realised that she was thinking childish thoughts. More than she would just from having a little accident; which barely even felt childish enough to make her regress, after all the times it had happened. No, she knew that it could only have been from the trigger. And if Spike wanted to be Daddy, or big sister, or little sister, or whatever, then Tess knew that it would be loads of fun to play along and do that for him. She just had to let him know that it was okay, and that she wasn’t mad. She realised that she’d been staring into space ever since the kiss, too wrapped up in her own thoughts to say anything. So she had to tell him that she was happy to go along with his plan. “Ooopsie,” she said, and let herself giggle. She sounded even more childish than she had expected, and that just made it easier to slip into the role. “I think I had an accident. I better be the little baby tonight after all.” “Okay, sweetie,” Spike said. “Let’s get you changed.” And he kissed her again, but this time it was completely different. There was no passion there this time, just his lips gently touching her forehead to show her that she was cared for, and could rely on him to protect her. And he took her by the hand; although he had to release it again a second later, because they were standing at the front door and he had only brought his back door key. They were both used to going around the back of the house now, with the front door being mostly used for guests; and it seemed that Spike hadn’t made a habit of carrying both keys. “Welcome back!” Gabby called, as soon as they closed the door behind them. “How did it go?” She was bustling out into the hallway, seeming as excited as ever. “It was great!” Tess answered, and wondered for a moment if Gabby could tell that she was already slipping into headspace. “I think we gotta go get changed, we’ll be back soon.” She might have expected Gabby to complain; maybe she would have wanted to change Tess herself. But Ffrances stepped out into the hallway only a second behind Gabby, and distracted her long enough to ensure that Tess and Spike could get upstairs without any more distractions. “Now, let’s get you changed,” Spike said with a little smirk. “Did you really have an accident? I can’t tell.” “Yeah,” Tess mumbled, embarrassed. But when she reminded herself that it was only because he’d said the trigger, she knew that there was no reason to hide it. It was just what Spike wanted. “I… uhh… This dress takes ages to get off, it’s super complicated. So I thought I better have a little…” “Some protection?” Spike guessed, and Tess just nodded. “That’s a clever girl. Means you’re not making little puddles on the floor. And it means we can get you changed quickly for this evening. Now, how little are you, do you think?” “I’m…” Tess mumbled, and decided to take a guess. She still didn’t want to be a baby; but maybe having an ‘accident’ after a party was something that fitted with being a bit bigger. “I’m six years old. I’m getting littler, and I’m as little as you say I am.” “Good girl,” Spike said again, and this time Tess felt a wave of joy sweeping through her body; pride at being such a good girl for her Daddy. After being so nervous to start with, Spike was really getting a lot better at this, now that Tess could find the courage to talk to him about the feelings she was curious about. This evening she wouldn’t need to think about it again; she could just enjoy not thinking, and know that she was doing exactly what her daddy wanted. Tess’s party dress was super complicated, and she was way too little to work out all how to unfasten it by herself. But she felt so safe as Spike carefully helped her out of it, and then lay her down on the changing table to attend to her diaper. A few minutes later she was wearing a clean one, and Spike had picked out a onesie and some fluffy rainbow knee socks for her to wear in the evening. “Thank you Daddy,” she giggled, and kissed him clumsily on the cheek. “Do you want me to be Daddy?” he asked. “Or can I be the big sis looking after you today? I think it might be fun if we’re both little girls, right? If that’s okay with you?” “Yeah!” Tess grinned. “Then I can look after you too!” Spike didn’t hesitate. A couple of seconds later, he was a six year old girl too, and Tess was dressing him up like one of her dolls, in a diaper with a print of dancing ballerinas, and a cute pink tutu. It was a fun game for both of them. And Spike suggested that even though they were certainly big girls, and old enough to both be the big sister, they might get carried away watching cartoons and forget to go to the bathroom when they needed to. “Yeah,” Tess grinned, delighted just to see him smile. “We are that little.” Gabby was waiting for them just outside the nursery, and urged them both downstairs so they could spend time together as a family. She asked if the dance had gone well, but she didn’t push it when both little girls were too focused on the TV to give much of an answer. The evening ended with Gabby and Ffrances cuddling up together on the couch, while the little ones sprawled in a pile of blankets at their feet; watching a mix of old cartoons that included everything from Peng Friends to Captain Kairo. They were completely relaxed. The thoughts that they’d been trying to escape from never even crossed Tess’s mind. And the only serious question that came up before bedtime was one that Tess had to ask: “Gabby?” she said, finally drawing her eyes away from the screen. “Did you get that DVD? The special one you said you can get. Can we watch that? I kinda…” “You want something to take your mind off what happened today?” Gabby asked, and Tess nodded. “Well, I think it’s a bit late for that now. Nearly bedtime for my little babies. But we can watch it tomorrow if you want, like a special treat. If that’s okay with Ffrances?” “Okay,” said Ffrances with a shrug. “But right now, I think somebody needs a diaper change. And then one more cartoon before bed. Right?” “Yeah!” Tess and Spike cheered together, and it looked like everything was going to go smoothly from now on.

Woke up early in my really thick cloth  cloth diapers, I love how comfy they are and still dry at the moment.

I go potty in my diaper every morning while playing and/or working in my house. Does this count?