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49. One Step Forward Tess sprang out of bed at the first screech from her alarm clock, and immediately checked her diaper. It was dry! She’d done it, solved the most embarrassing problem ever. Now there was nothing to stop her; she would excel in school without worries, and sooner or later she would be able to grow up again, back to being taller than most of her friends. It was one little victory, she told herself, but it was the first step on a long path to being accepted as an adult. She would get there eventually, no matter how many short steps it took. She pulled on her uniform quickly, but a weird impulse from the back of her mind stopped her putting regular underwear on just yet. Waking up in a dry diaper was her proof that the hypnosis had really helped; and she wanted to be reminded of that for as long as possible. She was going to take if off anyway after breakfast, of course. But right now the soft big-girl underwear with the smiling face of Ariel was her little reminder to herself that she had made it today. “Morning, baby!” Gabby called as soon as Tess stepped off the stairs. And for once, she was too cheerful to explode at the provocation. “How many pancakes do you want?” “Two. And I’m not a baby. I didn’t wet my diaper today.” “Well, I guess you’re growing up then. You think the hypnosis worked? You sure seem happy about it.” “Yeah. I…” Tess thought for a second, and started to realise how strange that was. She’d woken up with a dry diaper dozens of times since she was forced to start wearing them again. And she’d told herself endless times that they weren’t really diapers. So why was today any different? She didn’t wet the bed most nights anyway, so there was no proof that she would have done so even without the hypnosis. It was too early to declare it a success yet. And then the realisation struck. “She told me I’d feel proud of it,” she said. “Attaching an emotional response to a suggestion makes it easier for your subconscious to understand. And I guess my subconscious thinks that being proud of a dry diaper is a childish thing, so I get excited in the way a child does. Damn,” “Well, if it makes it effective, I guess it’s a good thing. Do you mind if I tease you about that a little? Because it’ll be hard not to when you’re being so freaking adorable.” Tess didn’t know. But then she thought back to Gabby being a baby, and how obnoxious she’d probably been while she was acting as her cousin’s big sister. “Well,” she said, “I guess I teased you a bit on Saturday. So it’s probably my turn now. Do I deserve teasing?” “Maybe a little. But for today, perhaps it would be better just to let you enjoy your pride. If you feel good about it, that always makes the hypnosis stronger. You need to feel good about it, to make the suggestions sink deeper into your mind. Or that’s what I understand. So I’ll let you feel good.” “Thanks,” Tess mumbled, not quite sure if she should be grateful or annoyed. When she felt this good about her achievement, she didn’t think she would even mind being called out on her childishness. She was quickly distracted by her breakfast, which was always a treat. By the time she’d finished eating she was feeling properly grown up, and she knew that she didn’t need to think any more about it. She returned to her room, changed into big girl underwear, caught up with the overnight slew of new bumps on Clatter, gave the contents of her school bag a last minute check, and headed downstairs again. “Want a lift to school?” “Well, if you’re going that way…” A ride in Gabby’s truck meant that Tess arrived at school a good ten minutes before she normally would, so there was no mad panic to get to her first class. On the other hand, it meant that she didn’t have the normal moments of relaxation on the bus, chatting to her similarly-bored friends on Clatter. Pros and cons; there was never a perfect choice. “Tess!” She turned around when she heard the shout, and felt the corners of her mouth turning up automatically. Regardless of what they were going to talk about, the appearance of Spike in her life was always cause for a smile. “I missed you yesterday,” he said. “I was starting to worry you might be avoiding me.” He chuckled briefly, and Tess knew she should laugh too. The concept was absurd; but it was hard to find it amusing when that fear had crossed her mind as well, and she’d spent half a second seriously considering the possibility. “I was worrying you might have got yourself hurt. Your family not so bad?” “No. I told them I was staying with my girlfriend, that’s something Duke and Brad would never interfere with.” “You…” Tess started, and then she couldn’t even think of the words. Just hearing him say that had made her brain freeze completely. Like a computer flashing a blue screen at you, in response to something it had no idea how to process. Did Spike have a girlfriend now? Was it just an excuse to his family. Did he mean her? The questions made no sense, and she didn’t think answering them would help any. It was just a concept too unexpected to extract any kind of rational response. “Don’t worry,” he said. “You’re a great friend. I’m not going to start pushing you to date me or anything. It’s just after what Kim said on Sunday, and that Evan guy… it kind of put the idea in my head. If I told them I was staying with a friend, they’d be mad. Asking if their home isn’t good enough or something. But Walt visits his girlfriend, and there’s never a problem there. If they think I’m being a chauvinist asshole and taking advantage of some girl’s naïvete, that’s fine by them. Doesn’t show them up.” “I don’t know if I should be… pleased you’re safe, or disappointed that your mind would even go there. Would they seriously think of a girlfriend as just… just a…” “They would. I hate it. But I wouldn’t. Which is why if I was ever contemplating an intimate relationship, it would have to be someone I already trust. Someone I can get on well with, so you know there’ll never be arguments.  I mean… I guess that’s self-explanatory. It just seems to me… a girlfriend or boyfriend should be a best friend first. Somebody you can’t imagine you’d ever fall out with. Right? I can’t act like they think I should, and I don’t understand why anybody would. So I’ll keep on disappointing them, and I really don’t mind that. But I know what they want, and I’ll say what I have to if I can keep them out of my business.” “Yeah. I kind of… I can understand that. If you’re going to trust somebody with your… your heart, I think it should be the person you trust the most anyway. Right?” Tess couldn’t bring herself to say all of the words that were on her mind, but that came close. It was a hard thing to say anyway, and she wondered if Spike could see how hard it was for her to think about this. If he already knew what she was really thinking. She wasn’t sure she knew herself. “Exactly. So if I talk to my family about relationships, it will always be a bluff. I don’t mean anything by it, trust me on that.” “I know. It was just such a surprise. After… you know.” “Your friends think we’re dating. I guess it’s only natural, when your parents let me stay over. They’d never believe I was like your little brother, craving a stable family life even if it’s not… actually related. But it’s kind of weird they never said anything to you about it. But then… people don’t like to interfere in some parts of someone else’s life, I guess.” “Well, I think…” Tess hesitated for a long time. “I don’t even know what I want to say now. I want to be mad at my friends. Like you can’t be close friends unless it’s a romantic thing too. Or something adjacent to that. But they said it now, and I can see why it would be on their minds.” ‘Because I get all flustered, and start talking in riddles if someone asks how it was after we’ve been somewhere together.’  The extra words were on her mind, but they never came close to her tongue. “I think if they’re assuming things, we shouldn’t let it worry us. It’s their imagination, and it doesn’t hurt anybody. Best to ignore it. Unless you, like…” “Hmm?” “Never mind. I mean, if it bothers you we could point out that they’re jumping to conclusions. But it doesn’t bother me, because I know it’s not true.” “I guess. Like, could you imagine that? We’d–” She was saved from further embarrassment by the bell, urging them towards their morning registration. Tess waved, but she knew now that the question of what he might have said would be buzzing around in her head all day. Did he really like her? And how? There was no sense thinking about that, but she had let her friends see how flustered she was in the past. They would assume it whether it was true or not. But she knew that if she tried to forget about it, those dreams would only become more insistent. She hurried off to her own class; a tiny hope burning in the back of her mind thanks to Kim’s speculation.

Poor Paul! I really wanted him in the play, and I'm still holding thumbs for that. At my old high school, they were struggling to find a male actor for one part, and so they got an alumnus to play him, so I'm arguing that it's still possible for Paul to be in the play, even if they don't let him back in the school. I loved the time Paul had with Leo there. I'm starting to hate the way that when good things happen for his Big side, something inevitably seems to knock him down. I understand that's needed, but I just want him to stay on that high for a bit. Also, I'm kinda angry at the school. It feels like they were too heavy-handed here. They're worried about it becoming a spectacle, and not blowing over. But if they'd treated it as if it were ordinary, that would have made it less of one. By giving Paul an "honorary completion" and removing him, they've actually allowed the rumors to grow now: "Oh, Paul's too big of a Baby for school now". We don't really know what's happening there, but they also should have checked in with the teachers who know Paul and get a holistic view. I don't know if they did. Superb work @Frostybaby, and a nice surprise to wake up on a Monday morning to a new chapter. Thank you. My only complaint is that you keep me wanting more, and I'm not a very patient person (but this is probably a good excuse to practice my patience)

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After a few days of not being able to wear I was back home last night. Although I don't wear all the time, usually just a couple of times a week, I find that when I know I can't the urge gets stronger... Slept last night in a dry Sunkiss, woke up early this morning and wet it a couple of times. These nappies are lower capacity than what I usually wear, and a bit on the small side size wise. However, I don't mind because they are not too bulky for sleeping in and I change fairly quickly after I mess in the morning.  I felt the need for a BM but held it for a while and enjoyed a cup of coffee in bed. I just stood up and bent over the bed, gave a small push and absolutely filled this nappy in one go with a soft, hot, sticky load. With these nappies being slightly on the small side they get full easily, which really enhances the feeling when I am messing and I can instantly feel it spreading and pushing against the fabric, filling every bit of space. I'm wearing my favourite Rearz Alpaca onesie and now back in bed with a second coffee, enjoying the warm, sticky, slightly stinky lump being held snuggly between my legs...