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Always Read the Smallprint - Chapter 6 5 days before starting University *beep* *beep* *beep* Oscar was rudely awoken by the alarm going off on his phone, and quickly rolled over and set it to snooze, but his attempt to go back to sleep was in vain. Checking the time, he decided he may as well get up and go down for breakfast, as he expected to have a busy day on his shopping trip with Joanne. As he stood up and did a huge stretch, he immediately felt his pullup weighing heavily under his shorts. “Damn again, that’s like the… actually I don’t know” he said as he failed to remember how many consecutive nights he’d wet the bed. He shrugged his shoulders and went downstairs for breakfast. “Morning Oscar, ready for your shopping trip?” Joanne greeted him as he sat down on the wooden dining chair with a very quiet squish. “Yeah should be good, think I’ve got an idea of what I need” Oscar replied. Over breakfast they discussed the shopping options in Dundee and the route Joanne planned to take. At one point during the chat, Oscar felt some more wee dribble into his already wet pullup and tried to stop it by grabbing his crotch. “Can I have the t-shirt, shorts and pants you washed for me please? I’m going to go and have a shower” Oscar said as Joanne got up and headed towards the fridge to get herself a glass of orange juice. “Oh god Oscar I’m so sorry, I think I forgot to put it in the wash. Let me just check” Joanne said as she hurried over to the laundry basket. “Yep none of it’s in here, I’m sorry I must’ve had a full load already and I couldn’t squeeze it in”. “Well what am I going to wear today then?” Oscar asked, rather concerned. “Well let’s go upstairs now and we’ll find you something from the bag we got yesterday’s clothes from” Joanne suggested. “But I can’t go out dressed in girls clothes?” Oscar pleaded. “Oh it’ll be fine, it’s not like anyone in Dundee knows who you are? We’ll find some boyish stuff don’t worry. Come on!” Joanne reasoned as she gestured towards the stairs. Oscar stood up and walked infront of Joanne, but she tapped his shoulder indicating for him to stop. “Oh Oscar you didn’t tell me you wet the bed again last night? Looks like your pullup has leaked” she said. Oscar turned to look at her and then tried to look down his back but couldn’t. He then moved a hand onto his bum and could feel a wet spot at the bottom of this left bum cheek. Sitting down on the wooden chair had obviously pressed too hard against his pullup. “Oh god, sorry. Yeah I did last night again, I don’t know what’s wrong with me” Oscar said anxiously. “That’s okay at least you’ve got the pullup on. We might need to buy another pack of Ninjamas today, we’ll see” Joanne said rather suspiciously. Once in his bedroom, Oscar and Joanne once again emptied the large plastic bag on the floor and began searching for another outfit. Immediately Oscar could tell it would be harder to find something appropriate for him today as he’d chosen the lest-girly items yesterday. After a while he found a top that wasn’t too bad, a ribbed long sleeve t-shirt with a roundneck collar which could be undone by a few buttons. He then had to find something appropriate to wear below the waist. “Sorry Oscar, my daughter was very into her colours and loved skirts and dresses. Although… how about these?” Joanne explained as she held up a pair of denim shorts. They did look a bit short but honestly he wasn’t finding anything better. “Yeah they are alright” Oscar replied. “Great! And finally these, sorry but again no one is going to see them” Joanne said as she picked up a pair of knickers in the same style as the ones he wore yesterday, but these were a in a shade of dark purple. “Go get yourself freshened up and just leave those pyjamas and your napp… pullup on the floor here and I’ll come and pick it all up”. As Oscar shut the bathroom door behind him, a fresh wave of embarrassment went over him. Why was he not more bothered about pissing himself pretty much every night? He’d never wet the bed before? And why was he agreeing to wear girls clothes out in public? His thoughts were really confused, but he decided to take one thing at a time. First, he took off his now wet pyjama shorts and then the soaking pullup, which hit the floor with a thud due to its weight. He then hopped in the shower. Once dried off we went back into the bedroom and could see his pyjamas and pullup had been taken away and his outfit was laid out on the bed ready. First he slid the knickers on, and just like yesterday he immediately noticed how comfortable they were. He hated to admit it to himself, but he kind of liked the feel of them. He then put on the long sleeve t-shirt, which fit him pretty well and he could honestly say he didn’t know whether it was a boys or girls t-shirt. Finally he put on the jean shorts. Unlike the t-shirt, they were blatantly for girls. The fit was odd and the legs seemed to flare away from his thighs, not to mention they were extremely short. He told himself he’d have to be careful sitting down as if he sat down with his legs open people might be able to see his knickers through the leg holes! He made his way downstairs and could see Joanne was preparing her handbag for the day. “Looking good Oscar, no one will know you’re wearing girls clothes don’t worry. We’re leaving fairly early too so it won’t be too busy”. Joanne was clearly dressed for a busy day, as she was wearing a light grey cropped t-shirt and some green chinos that were rolled up to her shins. She also had a pair of sunglasses perched on the top of her head. “It’s about a half hour drive from here so won’t take long. You been to the toilet?” Joanne asked as if Oscar was a small child. “Oh yeah… I did thanks” Oscar replied as he sat on the bottom stair to tie up the laces on his trainers, trying not to show his blushing face to Joanne. When they were both ready they hopped in Joanne’s small Fiat 500 and headed towards Dundee. The journey gave Oscar the opportunity to see Scotland outside of the small portion of the town he had explored, and he was really enjoying seeing the green hills and fields. As they approached Dundee Oscar noticed they were about to drive over the Tay Road bridge, something he’d seen photos of when researching his university placement. The views as they crossed were amazing, and soon enough they had arrived in Dundee. “So Oscar if it’s alright I’ve just got a few things to get before we start your clothes shopping, and since you’ve never been here before it might be best to stick with me if that’s okay?” Joanne explained as she parked her car in a street-level car park in the city centre. “Oh yeah of course, happy to do whatever you like since you’re being kind enough to pay for my clothes” Oscar replied as they began walking into the city centre. Joanne led Oscar into the Overgate shopping centre, where he could see some of the big brands you usually saw on the high street in the UK. Joanne indicated that she needed to pick up some things from Boots first, so he followed her in there. The next 10 minutes were extremely boring as Joanne browsed the cosmetics and he just zoned out. His attention was brought back to reality as Joanne explained she needed to ask for something behind one of the counters. As they stood in a queue of a few people, Oscar became agitated when his bladder began to tell him it needed releasing soon. The feeling gradually became more urgent as the minutes passed, and just as they were about to reach the front of the queue, Oscar decided he had to tell Joanne. “Joanne? I’m going to find a toilet if that’s okay?” Oscar said quietly. “Oh okay Oscar, I think there’s one a few doors down next to Greggs. I’ll meet you outside okay? You’ve got my phone number if you get lost” Joanne explained. Oscar nodded and headed for the exit. As he entered the main thoroughfare of the shopping centre, he was hit with an immediate wave of anxiety, on top of his urgency. Being somewhere he wasn’t familiar with never bothered him before, but now he felt extremely vulnerable and, in a weird way, small. He tried to follow the signs to the toilets and after some confusion on which direction he needed to go in, they came into sight. But unfortunately for him he was running out of time. As he turned the corner he could see the toilets were at the end of the corridor, but his bladder was preparing itself to empty and he felt a spurt of wee enter his knickers. He picked up the pace and as he aimed for one of the disabled toilets, he felt himself release and just as he shut the door and locked it, he felt his body relax and his eyes well up. He stood in the middle of the spacious toilet as he completely soaked his knickers and shorts, with the stream eventually stopping a fair few seconds later. He was frozen on the spot in embarrassment as he felt the wee trickle down his legs and get soaked up by his white ankle socks. He cried as he wondered what was going to happen next, and he immediately got out his phone and texted Joanne, seeking immediate help. His hands shivered as he began texting desperately: Joanne, I’m in the disabled toilet. I need a bit of help. He put his phone down on the ledge next to the toilet and just stood a bit further away from the door, noticing the small puddle he’d left on the floor. After a few minutes there was a knock on the door. “Oscar? Oscar are you in there? It’s Joanne” Joanne said behind the door. Oscar immediately walked over the puddle carefully and unlocked the door and Joanne sneaked in through the half opened door. “Oscar my god what happened?” Joanne said as she stared him up and down and placed the large boots plastic bag down in the corner of the room. “I don’t know, as soon as I left the shop I just felt really nervous and it came so quickly, I just couldn’t hold it in time I’m so sorry. God what’s happening to me” Oscar said hysterically as he began to cry. “Shush shush it’s okay sweetheart, let’s try and clean you up a bit” Joanne said as she began to instruct him on what to do next. Firstly she untied his trainers and slipped them off, and then peeled off his damp socks. Then she unbuckled his shorts and pulled them down and left him wearing just his white t-shirt and purple knickers. “Sorry Oscar but you’re going to just have to take them off infront of me” Joanne said as she pointed at his knickers, which had a huge dark wet patch on the front. Without a thought he pulled them down and for the first time he was naked infront of Joanne. She then grabbed him a handful of toilet paper and he wiped himself down the best he could. “Well done, now I bought you some more Ninjamas so I think it’s best you put one on now” Joanne said as she retrieved a pair from the fresh pack in the Boots plastic bag. Oscar didn’t give it a second thought as he put one on, and inexplicably craved their security and protection. “Tell me the truth Oscar, has this happened before? Daytime accidents?” Joanne asked him as he stood awkwardly infront of her. “No never, I really have no idea what’s going on” Oscar explained as he wiped the tears from his face. “Hmm are you sure? Because when I picked up your clothes to put in the wash yesterday I could tell the front of your knickers were damp. You know you can tell me if you’re having problems” Joanne said as she put her hand on his shoulder. “I’m really sorry, ever since I arrived here I seem to be having problems controlling my bladder, and I’ve like wet the bed every night for a few days at least. It’s scaring me” Oscar admitted. “It’s okay Oscar, when we get home we’ll talk about it more. But for now, you’ll be pleased to here I bought some insurance” Joanne said as she pulled out a folded up item of clothing out of her handbag. She shook it to reveal she’d bought another pair of shorts with her, however these were a canvas material and were light blue, with scallop style hems. Oscar took them and put them on, realising he’d wear basically anything to hide his pullup. Once they were on he put his trainers back on, win no socks, and announced he was ready to go back out into the shopping centre. As they walked out, Oscar once again felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety and worry, and instinctively he grabbed Joanne’s hand as a safety measure. “Oh. Are you okay Oscar?” Joanne asked as she held his hand tightly. “I’m really, really nervous. It’s so busy and loud in here” Oscar said quietly, clearly disturbed by something. “Can we go home?”. “But we’ve not bought you any clothes yet?” Joanne said in a confused tone. “I don’t care about that, it’s too much for me and I’m scared people are laughing at me for wearing these clothes” Oscar replied. “Okay if you really want to, maybe we can get you some clothes nearer to home. We just have to get a few bits from Holland and Barrett and then we can go okay?” Joanne explained. Luckily she didn’t spend too long picking up some health supplements and food, but Oscar stuck very close to her in order to avoid any prying eyes. Mercifully, they were soon back in the car. The drive back was quiet, and Oscar stared out the window in an attempt to calm his nerves. Every time he shifted position in his seat, he was reminded of the pullup he had on under his light blue shorts. He had failed to notice that once again Joanne had bought him the girls style of Ninjamas pyjama pants. He thought about them and was beginning to actively enjoy wearing them, and began to list the negatives to wearing boxers in his head. Confused by his train of thought, he visibly shook his head to try and ground himself back in his reality. The reality that he’d be starting university in 5 days. Soon they were back at the house and Joanne led him inside. “Sorry that was a bit of an unsuccessful trip Oscar, and I’m sorry you’re feeling a bit rubbish. How about I make you a cup of tea and you can have the living room to yourself to watch a film or something? We’ll talk about what happened later” Joanne suggested. “Yeah that sounds great thank you” Oscar said as he could feel himself calm as they were back in the safety of the house. Oscar made his way into the living room and sat down on the sofa, pulling out his phone to scroll social media. As he unlocked it, he saw the text he sent Joanne, but was confused to see what it said: I wet my knickers, help pls I need my pullups He didn’t remember saying that? How weird. Out of shame he deleted the message and quickly opened Instagram in an attempt to distract himself from his increasingly disturbing thoughts. Meanwhile in the kitchen, Joanne was once again sneaking some powder into Oscar’s tea. She was happy that the plan had gone perfectly so far, but knew he needed one more push to fully fall into the trap. As she stirred his tea, she decided what she was going to do next. “Here’s your tea Oscar, and I brought you in some biscuits too” Joanne said as she joined Oscar in the living room. “Thanks so much Joanne, really appreciate it” Oscar said as he sat up on the sofa and placed the plate of biscuits in his lap and held the warm cup of tea with both hands. “So have you picked a film to watch yet? Sorry we don’t have a smart TV or any streaming, you’ll have to do it the old fashioned way with a DVD” Joanne said as she walked over to a chest of wooden drawers and started reading out film options to him. He settled on Avatar. “I’ll leave you to it, here’s the remote” Joanne said as she placed the smell black remote next to him on the sofa. “Hope you enjoy the film!” She added as she left the room with an grin like the Cheshire Cat. Oscar got himself comfortable and sipped his tea as the film began. He’d seen Avatar many times before but it was something he never had a problem rewatching, and he instantly fell into the world and all of his worries were temporarily parked. Just over an hour into the film, it began to lag. Oscar was brought back to reality and grabbed the remote to try and pause and then play in order to kick it into gear, but no luck. It continued to jump and cut out. Finally it cut out all together and the screen went black, but just as Oscar was about to press the off button on the remote, the same black and white swirl he’d seen on Joanne’s video a few days ago appeared, and he couldn’t stop his attention being grabbed by it. His ears fizzed again and he could hear a voice. “Focus on the swirl, and feel your body relax” is said. It felt like Oscar couldn’t see or hear anything else apart from the swirl and the voice. “You are in a state of total relaxation, and my voice is all that matters. I know everything, I know all your secrets” the voice said soothingly. Oscar couldn’t make out who the voice was. It sounded familiar, but he couldn’t make it out. What he did know was whenever the voice spoke, it felt like a hug. It was so warm and relaxing. “You’ve been having accidents at night haven’t you? You’ve been having problems controlling your bladder. It’s okay, that doesn’t matter” the voice continued. “I’m here to tell you it’s okay, in fact, it’s great”. Oscar was locked in at this point. He was sat upright with his eyes wide open and his hands down by his side. “It looks like you have some protection on right now, a pullup. It’s for your own good, you need them” the voice reassured him. “Pullups are for people who can’t control themselves, but I know deep down inside you want more. You want something even safer. In order to reach the ultimate level of safety, you need to prove that pullups are not sufficient. Stand up” the voice ordered. Oscar instinctively stood up, seemingly no longer in control of his body. He stepped forward to be right infront of the television, eagerly awaiting orders from the voice. “Take off any clothing that’s hiding your pullups, you want to be seen” the voice said, and just like before Oscar complied. “On the count of three, you’re going to release any feeling of control and worry. It’ll all disappear and you’ll feel happy. Are you ready?” The voice added. Oscar’s head bobbed up and down in a nodding motion. “1… 2… 3….” the voice soothed. Oscar gently widened his gait and then unclenched all of his muscles. He couldn’t feel it, but he was wetting himself. All he could feel was a the most intense sensation of relaxation he’d ever felt. The stream kept going until the pullup could take no more and a few small dribbles went down his leg. “Great job. You’ve done it, you’ve proven you need the ultimate level of safety and protection. Five yourself a round of applause” the voice concluded. Oscar began bobbing up and down on the spot and clapped his hands while also letting out a quiet but high pitched squeal of happiness. His trance was brought to a halt by the sound of the living room door opening. “Just seeing how the film is… Oscar what on earth are you doing?” Joanne shouted. Oscar was brought back to reality as he turned his head on the spot. He was stood with his legs wide in just his t-shirt and now leaking pullup with a small bit of dribble running down one side of his mouth. Behind him, Avatar was playing completely normally.

@Frostybaby Glad to hear things may be settling in for you with work and a place. Thank you for the mid week drop.  A great story creates tension that lives in the space between. It's awesome how you can fill the space as you do between so many multi characters, and perhaps that's why the story has such the draw for so many that we want to know what about this person or angle and what comes next. It seems odd from an observational view point that if Savvy has feelings for Paul and is part of his medical care team that she waited so many days to see him, that doesn't seem to track. In the same way Mindy filling the role of therapist in the hospital doesn't maybe make sense. It's great for the story, but in terms of her deep involvement with Paul's family, and even her being one of the people navigating him towards little space doesn't really create a safe space for Paul's mental health.  Then to ask:  So,” she said, voice still soft and measured, “how are those ribs feeling today? Any better after the night’s rest?” She smiled again, warm and inviting. “And your birthday’s coming up soon—eighteen, right? Any thoughts on a party? Something fun to look forward to?” I've done youth ministry for 20 years and counseling with families and teens. It's a peculiar question given her dynamic with Paul and his family. She wouldn't need the check in that way. A kid would be like "wtf" you know it's my birthday and disengage. While I appreciate the check in to clear him for not being a harm to himself and see where his depression lies. It perhaps maybe lands a bit disingenuous.  Over all though it's good to see Paul engage in therapy session. And ironically I think I found one of my favorite sentences in the story: Quote: "Because he absolutely, one hundred percent, did not want to be the kind of patient who sat in a soft-lit room with his doctor and started talking about his feelings until there were tissues involved."  I lost my grandmother, and a few great aunts and uncles by the time I was 5. My brother was 16 and he had his own struggles, but he was kind and popular. I think he struggled with living a performative life and managing the expectations of those around him, while holding a truth about himself inside like someone holding a fart in at church. One Sunday afternoon once lunch and church were done my parents took me to the grocery store, but I wanted to stay home with my brother. When we came back I was excited to show him my dinosaur little necklace thing I got from the vending machine. I was going to find him so I went to go upstairs. I found him on the stairs laying cross dressed and cold. It seems that autoerotic asphyxiation, and that leash he was using to find his escape getting caught on the stair banister were his demise. It was the last time I saw him. I've often wrestled with my parents choice to not bring me to the hospital or his funeral. I had been to other funerals before that and many thereafter.  My childhood was then filled with  living in the tension of being alone at home with grieving parents who were just trying to cope emotionally, and a house that used to host handfuls of teens to play with me to emptiness. A shifting dynamic from my sister who was away at college and people coming to visit our family but maybe knowing I was on the more immature side being the youngest and their memory of me being younger anyway often brought me gifts that were more toddler chic or those who gave me what I wanted gave my all I wanted. I was blessed to have every single TMNT toy and accessory, as well as every Ghostbuster toy, anddd litterally every ALF toy and accessory.  I knew then at age 5 I wanted the safety of little space without a clue how to say it. My experience has always been jaded with therapy from that point on. I was super bright and way advanced in conversation and reading people and their emotions but had such unchecked emotional disregulation and extreme ADHD and anxiety. I often found that therapists didn't do well understanding the entirety of my mental health state and maybe just assumed more of what I dealt with was grief. I ended up loosing the battle of staying dry at night and every childhood doctor and therapist would always suggest don't drink anything after dinner or don't do this or do that and try to give me medicine and it really was that my sleep cycles didn't change gears quick enough. I learned this through sleep studies as an adult and finding better medical help. As a kid though it was always "Don't worry everyone stops bedwetting by X age", which would always get later and later. As a teen I would be like okay you say most do, but what about those that don't? Always to get dismissed since most doctors and therapists treat for the masses. I would always agure back saying most people grow up and don't lose a brother as a child either, so things don't always work out how we intend.  I found that talking about my feelings didn't fix me or change things and I couldn't voice that I wanted to be little or wear diapers or etc, because it wasn't the expected norm. I always would just want to be normal and have life be normal but it never was and I even struggled terribly with emotional disregulation and anxiety in school and struggled to stay dry until 2nd or 3rd grade. My my taught at my school so they all knew my story and placated me and helped me "work on being like the other kids and being normal". The rest of my childhood was spent with my mom getting sick but then better and a slew of sickness and deaths from many family and friends up until I was 14. I had been to 23 funerals by 14, not counting the ones I didn't go to or get to go to. I really appreciate Paul wanting to just not deal with his emotions and live up to the expectations of others expectations. I apologize for the rant but wanted to say I get not wanting to be a tissue box kid. Great work as always

Sorry... Chapter coming up. Two things happened: Work has been super intense this past week, and my overstock of chapters has ended. I will be posting as I write. 

Omg Paul is gonna tell Lilly how he feels about her now and wants her to be his new mommy and my heart won’t be able to take it! 🩵 thanks for the morning chapterrrr