slave-wendy

i was subjected to really vicious psychological abuse (much of it sexual, but NOT physical) during my childhood and my adolescence. During my early adulthood, i was repeatedly and maliciously abused PHYSICALLY. i still have many medical problems due to the physical abuse. And yet, i constantly brood and obsess over the tauntings i received during my childhood, whereas emotionally i've put behind me the physical abuse i received as an adult. i've met children who have terminal cancer or other fatal diseases, and they tell me something similar. What's really horrible for them is not the knowledge that they're going to die soon, or the stigma of losing their hair (from chemotherapy) but rather the cruelty and taunts of other children.

Although i fantasise about becoming a baby girl 24/7, i actually spend most of my life as an adult male, usually in situations where my sissy-self has been "put away". i developed beard growth at a slightly younger age than usual for adolescent males. my parents had found Girls' clothes in my room, and i'm sure they knew i was cross-dressing. we never discussed it. At age 13 or 14, i deliberately grew a moustache and then sideburns, which i wore all the time. This was my way of letting my parents know that i did NOT try to pass as a Girl in public. (Actually, i wanted to but didn't dare!) In the present day, as an adult male, i often fantasise about going out in public dressed as a Woman, but i know i can't possibly pass. For my very rare adult attempts at dressing en-femme in public, i did shave all my facial and body hair. But i didn't fool anyone ... so i might as well have kept the beard! In a perfect world, i would shave before every role-play. i like the erotic sensation of feeling my face and body completely baby-smooth and hairless. But it takes me four months to grow back my beard and moustache. my public vanilla self doesn't like being beardless for that long ... so, now i never shave except for very special fetish occasions. When i DO shave, i generally use depilatory cream on my face: no beard stubble. i wish that i could acquire some sort of Insta-Beard: not a fake beard, but several months' growth of genuine beard that grows back very rapidly. During my teen years, i was short and slightly-built, and i COULD have passed for a real Girl if i hadn't worn facial hair. It would have been great to shave, dress up, go out as a Girl, then come back home and sprout a new Insta-Beard. If anyone suspected that i'd been going out in drag ... well, i've got a beard, haven't i? Did you think i grew this beard overnight? i've thought of buying a custom-made false beard that looks realistic (and matches my hair colour) and wearing this in public all of my vanilla time. That way, if somebody who knows my vanilla self (from my job, say) happens to see my sissy self en-femme in public, the next day i can show up at work with a full beard ... and the person who thought they recognised me in drag will assume it must have been somebody else. But it's too impractical to wear a false beard all the time. This story has a happy ending. i'm currently in a relationship with a dominant Lady who likes to give me strap-on treatment while i'm in full drag: wig, corset, the works ... but She lets me keep my beard! That's because, when She uses the strap-on, my face is turned away from Her!

i had MANY embarrassing diaper moments when i was a child. For part of my boyhood, i was raised by a Lady (not related to me) who took me out in public dressed as a Girl. She also dressed me younger than my age. As an 8-year-old boy, i was taken out in public in clothes appropriate for a 6-year-old girl. This Lady (i will call Her my 'Auntie') would not let me use the Girls' lavatory or the Ladies' bathroom while i was dressed as a Girl, because She did not want me to see any actual Girls in their underwear or undressed. So, when She took me outside on long trips as a Girl, i had to wear diapers under my skirt. On several occasions, there were accidents. Auntie liked to make me wear white or pastel colours. She also fed me a lot of vitamin B-12, which made my urine turn bright golden yellow. Whenever i had an accident in public, EVERYBODY knew it: suddenly the "girl" in the white communion dress had a bright golden stain on the front of "her" skirt! It was VERY embarrassing for me to wet my diapers in public while dressed as a Girl, and even more embarrassing because when people saw me wetting myself i didn't know if they thought i really was a Girl wetting herself or whether they knew i was a boy in a dress wetting HIMself! Before i tell you my most embarrassing diaper moment, i need to set up the backstory. i sometimes have genuine incontinence problems, but these are usually the unexpected after-effects of fetish play. i will take laxatives and diuretics before a scene (to render myself genuinely incontinent) but sometimes i remain incontinent for a few days afterward. my fetish self is a little girl, but i am physically a very large adult male. i have trouble finding adult-size diapers that are big enough to fit me. i yearn to wear those beautiful pink training panties for little girls -- the ones with Disney princesses on them -- but i can't fit into such a tiny garment. i have invented something for myself that i call "sissy diapers". i buy a pack of those little-girl training pants, and then i cut one open at the side seams. i butterfly it, and i apply rubber cement to the inside of the training pants. Then i glue it to the OUTSIDE of the crotch of a pair of adult-size diapers. This way, i'm wearing diapers that fit me but the crotch section of my diaper is made of cute pink sissy-girl training pants. i buy most of my (adult male) clothing at a nearby department store. The department store has four separate clothing departments: men's clothes, women's clothes, boys' and girls' clothes are all four separate departments. Now here's the kicker: the MEN's bathroom is located at the far end of the GIRLS' clothing department. This is intentional. Think about what would happen if the men's bathroom was actually in the men's clothing department. Some guy would take a nice expensive suit off the rack, then he would step into the men's room. In the toilet stall, he could stuff the suit inside his own clothes, then walk out without paying for it. The way the store is arranged -- with the men's bathroom at the far end of the girls' department -- makes more sense for the store. A man can't take merchandise from the men's department into the girls' department (where the men's toilet is) unless he's already paid for it. Okay, now I'll tell you my embarrassing moment. i was wearing my sissy diapers under my clothes when i went to the department store to buy a suit. While i was in the men's department, i felt my bowels lurch and i knew i was going to start shitting VERY soon. On this particular occasion, i didn't want to shit myself in public, so i put down the suit i was holding and i walked real fast towards the Girls' clothing department. This was around noon on a school day, so i figured there wouldn't be any children in the store. i said that the men's bathroom is at the FAR end of the Girls' department. The Girls' clothes that get purchased regularly -- panties, socks, school clothes, jeans -- are all at the front of the department. Way off in the back (near the men's bathroom) are the Girls' clothes that don't get purchased very often: Communion dresses, Easter dresses, frilly party frocks with ruffles and petticoats. my fetish self would love to linger in that section, but right this particular minute i was on the brink of shitting myself, so i didn't stop to smell the petticoats. There was a rack of frilly pink flower-girl baby-doll nighties (in little-Girl sizes) up against the back wall. i'd been here before, so i knew the men's bathroom was right behind those baby-doll nighties. i was just on the verge of starting to shit myself, and didn't know if i'd get to the toilet in time. i could tell that i was all alone in the Girls' clothing department (because this was a school day), and nobody was there to see me. To save a few seconds, as i stepped behind the rack of baby-doll nighties, i unfastened my belt and started to pull down my trousers. Well, standing behind the rack of nighties was a Woman, about 35 years old, with a Girl about seven years old! They both saw me, and i was so shocked i stopped walking and stood there ... with my pants down, revealing a big white pair of diapers underneath ... and a little teeny pair of pink girly training pants OVER the diapers, glued to the crotch of the diapers. Oops! The Woman stood there with Her mouth open, shocked. i was afraid that i might have frightened the Girl, but She just laughed and pointed right at my crotch. "Look, Mommy!" She yelled, loud enough for the whole store to hear. "That man is wearing Girly diapers!" At that instant, i shit myself ... inside my diapers. Because i'd kept my diapers on, the Woman and Her daughter did NOT see my "naughty parts". i managed to waddle into the men's bathroom with my diapers full of liquid shit. All the time i was in the bathroom stall, i expected the cops to break in. Fortunately, nobody bothered me. By the time i cleaned up and left, the Woman and the Girl were gone. i went back to the men's department, took the suit i wanted, and paid for it. After i paid for it, the Saleslady smiled at me and asked: "Are you the man who wears Girly diapers?"

Thanks for all the wonderful replies. i have a cute baby photo of myself (my adult self dressed as a baby girl) that i'd like to post to this site. i would like to train myself to eat baby food in my adult form. Unfortunately, almost all baby food is only sold in those tiny little jars. i would have to eat about 15 of those just to feel sated. Sometimes i drink an entire container of infant formula, but it doesn't get the results that i want. Baby laxative doesn't have much effect on my adult body. Sometimes my "mommy" will give me a powerful dose of ADULT laxative, and we'll both pretend that it's baby laxative. i have to agree (reluctantly) with the posters who told me to stop eating meat. When i'm an adult male, i'm a voracious carnivore: if i eat a meal with no meat in it, i feel as if i haven't eaten. i associate meat-eating with my manliness. When my fetish self is a little girl (7 or 8 years old) as opposed to a baby girl, i don't want to eat any meat at all, except maybe liver ... i really associate meat-eating with adulthood and maleness. Some of you might laugh at this, but i don't mind: as part of my fetish identity as a submissive, i have a completely different role in which i'm a DOG! A Dominant Mistress likes to put me on a leash and treat me as Her (castrated) dog. When i'm in that role, i only eat dog food ... which is mostly meat. Fortunately, i've never yet played by dog role and my baby role in the same week (the transition would be too exhausting!), so i've never yet had the consequences of my baby-self pooping the results of my canine diet.

As a sissy-girl baby, i have regular "scenes" with an adult mommy. She diapers me and turns me into a baby girl. i like to poo-poo, but there is just one problem. Just when i am starting to feel all little-baby-girly, and i want to poo-poo in my diaper, the things that comes out of my hiney are the turds of an ADULT: big long brown solid grown-up turds, the excreta of someone who eats grown-up foods. i want the stuff that comes out of my baby-girl hiney to be BABY poo-poo: the soft squishy little yellow stuff that smells like sulphur! Sometimes, for a really intense AB scene, i will prepare several days in advance: i'll stop eating solid foods, and i'll only eat soft foods like applesauce and pastina. That helps a little bit DURING the scene, but it's very annoying ... because during the days leading UP TO the scene (while my intestines are getting rid of all my solid grown-up turd, and replacing it with baby-poo) i tend to be more incontinent and flatulent ALL the time, even in work situations. Not good! So: my question to everyone. i would like to know if there's some additive i can take, some chemical i can swallow, that will work INSIDE my body ... so that i can continue to eat normal solid ADULT food, but -- during the trip through my digestive system -- everything i've eaten will liquefy and soften so that it comes out my bottom as smelly stinky squishy yellow BABY shit rather than adult turds. Stool softener helps. Any other ideas?

Responding to Stork's comment: you CAN lose the ability to talk! Ever hear of a medical condition called aphasia? It's caused by an injury to the part of the brain that processes language: Broca's area. You understand what other people are saying, but you can't reply in coherent words. There's also a similar condition called agraphia, in which you LOSE the ability to read and write: the part of your brain that processes marks on a page (or on a screen) as words and concepts suddenly develops a malfunction ... so that if you see randomly-shaped marks that look like these... C A T ...you can't make the conceptual link to a four-legged animal. i fantasise about being subjected to FORCED infancy regression. In my fantasies, a cruel mommy induces aphasia and agraphia by physically injuring my brain, so i can no longer speak, read or write. It's scientifically possible, but i sure as hell wouldn't want to experience it in REAL life ... and i hope you wouldn't, either!

There's a lady author at Echo Press who writes really great AB/DL paperback stories that are very arousing! They usually feature an adult or teen character who is somehow regressed back into babydom via magic or some medical process. Unfortunately, her novels always keeps using the same stupid baby-talk words that i've never encountered anywhere else. The baby's rear end is a "bumpy". Babies in her stories never go wee-wee or poo-poo, they "chair chair". Has anyone ever actually encountered these terms? They drive me nuts, because her stories are otherwise very erotic!

Thank you for your honesty, "lil one". Now i'll tell you something about me. Probably like a lot of other people on this site, i'm physically a normal-sized adult male ... LARGER than normal size, in my case ... who wants to be a baby girl. But here's what's so unusual about me. i don't actually fantasise that i'm a baby girl. Instead, i fantasise that i'm an adult male MIDGET: a grown-up man in a baby-sized body. i fantasise that i get kidnapped by a "mommy" who drugs me and castrates me. She yanks out all my adult teeth, leaving me with toothless gums. While i'm drugged, she forces me to undergo sex-change surgery, electrolysis and plastic surgery, transforming my baby-sized adult body into a counterfeit baby girl's body. The "mommy" also performs surgery on the muscles of my bladder and my bowels, rendering me incontinent. While i'm drugged, the "mommy" also inserts an implant device inside my adult brain, suppressing all of my brain function above the level of a six-month-old infant. The "mommy" surgically removes my larynx (voicebox), replacing it with a microchip to produce sounds in the vocal range of a baby girl. When i wake up from the anesthetic, i still have my adult brain and my adult memories ... but i have been surgically altered into an exact copy of a baby girl! i can crawl but i cannot walk. my toothless mouth drools and gurgles but i cannot speak. my hands cannot grip objects. my liquid poo-poo dribbles out of my baby-girl hiney. Most shamefully of all, a steady trickle of wee-wee constantly leaks from the baby-girly place between my thighs! If i try to read words, or if i try to do anything requiring an adult attention span, the implant in my brain begins buzzing an insistent lullaby ... forcing me to use only enough of my brain for infantile thoughts. Now, why would any woman go to so much trouble to kidnap a midget man and turn him into a baby girl? i guess i'll have to write that chapter!

i have a couple of different girly names. When i'm a baby girl, completely incontinent, my name is Baby Sissy. When i'm a few years older, my name is Wendy or Wendy Girl. my fetish personality Wendy is somewhere between age 4 and age 12 (depending on the scene and who else is playing), but Wendy has difficulty getting potty-trained. She usually messes herself and gets beaten or smacked! i have a lady friend who calls me Paula because apparently when i'm en-femme i remind her of a schoolmate of hers named Paula. i find it very sexy to know that i remind her of a real girl!

i'm an adult biological male but in my AB/DL fetish personality i'm a little girl, just about the right age to get potty-trained. During my boyhood, i lived for a while with a woman in her 40s (not related to me) who liked to take me out in public dressed as a girl in a frock and petticoats. The problem was, she wouldn't let me use a public lavatory: i didn't dare go into a gents' toilet while dressed as a girl, and she wouldn't let me go into a ladies' toilet because i might see a lady's private parts. Several times, while i was out in public dressed as a girl, i couldn't hold my urine anymore and i wet myself ... sodden panties, sodden petticoats, urine soaking through the front of my skirt. Once, i also lost control of my bowels: i was dirty in front AND in back! Another woman (not the one who cross-dressed me) saw me wetting myself in my panties, with the wee-wee dribbling down my bare thighs under my skirt. She came right up to me, slapped my face, and called me a dirty little GIRL! Somehow, i was extremely excited by the fact that this woman (a stranger) actually thought i was a GIRL wetting herself, not a boy wetting himself in a girl's frock.