The Bond Prolog

[Windelbaby]

My second attempt at writing a diaper story after my first story wasn't quite as good and I have writer's block on the first one. I will try to update it as often as I can. English is not my native language so I am sorry for mistakes as I will also use a translator to get a good result.

 

I have made many changes 

Prologue

Sara was just 20 years old when she had her two children Tim and Liz. Her husband had left her during the pregnancy. She was quite happy when she had the twins and was sure that she would make it on her own and her mother was supportive. The first 5 months were pretty normal but then she noticed that Tim was behaving differently and he was actually starting to speak his first words, which was a nice moment for Sara. At the age of 7 months he could already form complete sentences and started to walk, at 8 months he could already use the potty. Liz again had a normal development and needed someone to change her diapers and feed her and when she cried you had to find out what she wanted like any other baby. With 3 years it went then in the kindergarten at least for Liz because Tim stayed at home to learn also when his mother wanted him to go to kindergarten also because she wanted him to make contacts there but he could convince you that it would be better if he learns because meanwhile he could speak perfectly and already read books. But while Liz physically developed over the years, he remained at the size of a 3 year old. What also, led to the fact that he got more attention than Liz. Tim was the attention of his mother but no matter, although she really gave everything for him.  Tim preferred to keep to himself and did not make friends because he never went outside. 

Meanwhile both are 11 years Liz was quite independent cooked her food washed her laundry and so on. While Sara was still doing everything for Tim, Sara didn't really notice how much she neglected her daughter. Tim spent most of his time on the computer programming various things. What also led to the fact that he now momantan an It study makes. The professor also recommended him to a company Nano Inc. which is a leading company in nano technology. They also wanted to bring nanobots on the market with which one should change almost all characteristics however they stood with the programming before a problem of the Nanobots changes coincidentally characteristics at the body no purposeful services when they of Tim heard thought they finally a chance have to get their problem in the grasp. When Sara heard about it, she was not thrilled because Tim was supposed to live there for the duration of the development and rejected the offer at first. She also wanted to build a relationship with him, he had no friends and he did not want to do anything with the family, he had been cold to her. 

At 17 years Nano Inc came back to him and he managed to convince his mother, they also offered a lot of money which suited Tim well because as soon as he was 18 he wanted to move out. Liz was happy that he would be out of the house because she just wanted to spend time with her mother she did not hate him but knew that he makes your mother's life difficult and it would do her good because even in the household he was pretty useless. Sara did not like it but he had to promise to be back before his 18th birthday. 

Tim was brought there by car. They showed him around the facility and the projects. The nanobots were his department at the end of the tour and they explained everything to him. He was very excited not only because he had a great job, but also because it gave him the opportunity to finally have a normal body and to be tall.

Tim: "If the project is successful, can I use them myself?"

The project leader: "Of course you can, that's a promise.

So Tim immediately got to work 

I would be very happy about feedback.

[BabyGabrial]

A tad bit convoluted honestly. I'm guessing she's going to make him into a baby using his program by accident. Again that's just a guess. How would this work, how would she be able to access this program? Why did this apparent super genius just leave his prized work on an open computer with no password. For ageplay stories you need suspension of disbelief, but this first part alone is kind of pushing that to it's very limits. The main character's backstory seems iffy at best, and I don't sympathize with the mother. Your grammer seems to be pretty good as far as I can tell.

[Windelbaby]

Thanks for the review I will completely revise the first chapter the days. I will also address the problems. Thank you very much.

[Windelbaby]

On 2/20/2023 at 6:40 PM, BabyGabrial said:

A tad bit convoluted honestly. I'm guessing she's going to make him into a baby using his program by accident. Again that's just a guess. How would this work, how would she be able to access this program? Why did this apparent super genius just leave his prized work on an open computer with no password. For ageplay stories you need suspension of disbelief, but this first part alone is kind of pushing that to it's very limits. The main character's backstory seems iffy at best, and I don't sympathize with the mother. Your grammer seems to be pretty good as far as I can tell.

I hope it is now good.

[keith60]

please finish this story 

[BabyGabrial]

9 hours ago, Windelbaby said:

I hope it is now good.

Ummmm, kind of. It is definitely not as contrived as the first draft. I can believe a child reading at an early age, kids learn at different ages. I am assuming children start kindergarten at age 3 where you're from. That part stuck out. It sounds like it's being set up for Liz to be babied, which makes her relatable. That is very good. However, the pacing is very off. It felt like a good bit was skipped over. You say everything is done for Tim, what counts as everything? Why did Sara not keep both children home outside of her son being a genius? Wouldn't doing things that way not inconvenience her? What are the twins' relationships with each other? What is Liz and Tom's personalities? They seem like one is a blank wall of achievements and Liz doesn't even have that to her character. I know English isn't your first language so, possibly ask someone to proof read your drafts before you post them. The second half got unintelligible to an English reader. There are a few other things, but they're honestly more nitpicks more than anything.