Strange realisation

[A_Person]

Well, I recently came to a strange realisation about why this community (for the lack of better phrasing) turns me on.

For some context, All through my life, I have sought comfort in being in control of my surroundings, not in the sense of controlling others, but in the sense of knowing myself, and being sure of my peripherals and the situations I am in. I technically found i had this fetish since i was 14, then it was about the sensual feelings, the sound and feeling of the diapers, the looks of them. and while that definitely is still a major part of being a dl for me. I've recently realised why this might be what turns me on.

For the past couple of days I was randomly looking back over some of the daydreams I've had, or even a few of the wet dreams that I can remember, and so many times, i distinctly recall 2 major scenarios playing out, in most of my regular daydreams, some kind of scenario played out where I was forced to make some kind of drastic decision and I was the only one allowed to make the choice, again going back to how i seek comfort in knowing I'm in control of myself. Yet in those other scenarios, I was the helpless one, I was always forced into a situation where i was held against my will, forced to put all my trust into somebody i didn't know at all, except for the fact i knew they had some kind of intentions with me. Normally for most people this would be a complete nightmare yet i always found it intriguing, and somewhat thrilling, the idea of being forced to trust someone while i'm sat completely helpless. 

The best example would be I've had multiple dreams about being kidnapped, or brainwashed against my will, forced and controlled to give all trust and power to somebody else, and such. (don't look into it too much i don't care about seeking meanings and mantras from dreams, i know they're not real and all it's just an interesting realisation)  And in a way, that feeling is a great way to describe being an abdl, because, when you're literally sat in a diaper, there isn't much point trying to make a stand or argue, because no one will take you seriously, and you'll be helpless in front of others.

So I guess overall while i definitely do like having control of myself and my actions and surroundings, I guess there is another part of me that finds it thrilling to give that control to somebody else, to have to trust somebody that much and not entirely know what their next action will be. Not only does it explain partly why i'm turned on by diapers and such, it also explains why i am more of a bottom in relationships as well.

This was just a weird ramble but I needed to vent a little.

[le Hollandais]

Quite interesting and articulate. I've been trying to answer the whole question of why I'm into diapers for myself for a long time. And I've given it up as a bad job. I just enjoy wearing 'em. That's the best I can do right now by way of answering that question.