Isolation

[Wannatripbaby]

I get you a cup of water and help you into a sitting position. "Here, drink up, baby."

[diaperedpup69]

Leans on mommy for support. Attempts to drink some water. "I don't want it. I dont want it.: Madddie cries in mommy shoulder. "I dont want it"

 

[Wannatripbaby]

"Okay, okay." I set the cup down and cuddle you. "Nobody's forcing you to drink anything, baby."

I'm surprised she doesn't want a drink. Normally that's the first thing people want after they throw up.

I hold you close and rub your back. You're still in just a diaper and socks.

[diaperedpup69]

Shivers. Slowly speaks, “I’m scared.” 

[Wannatripbaby]

"I know you are, Maddie. But I'm gonna be here for you every step of the way. You'll never be alone in this."

I know I shouldn't promise something like that. But what else could I say? She needs me for more than just physical care. And I did intend to keep that promise to the best of my ability.

I continue to rub your back until you calm down.

[diaperedpup69]

“This is my first round of intense chemotherepy. I’ve already gone through 3 rounds of chemo 2 rounds of radiation. And a surgery. All with my mom being here.” Starts to sob more 

“now Alex once again gets all my mom attention”

[Wannatripbaby]

"This treatment is different. You need to be isolated from any potential germs because your body has no immune system right now."

(That's how it works, right?)

I hold you in a tight hug.

[diaperedpup69]

(Yes...my blood cells were taken out and I was blasted with high dose chemo. When that happened I was in isolation...part of this fantasy is based on some true events)

maddie cries while hugged 

[Wannatripbaby]

I had seen many horrible things in the Chemo ward. Horrible things. And yet this one little girl crying in my arms completely broke my heart. I almost started to tear up as well as I held her and comforted her as best I could. "It's going to be okay, Maddie. It's going to be okay..."

[diaperedpup69]

“Three months with no outside contact. No friends from school want to call me. I don’t even know if they know the number. I don’t know their numbers” 

[Wannatripbaby]

"Honey, please try not to think about that right now. You need to just take this thing one day at a time. It'll be over before you know it. You'll see."

[diaperedpup69]

All of sudden I get this weird feeling over me. “I think I need too...” then before saying another word I begin to pee in my diaper. 

Start to cry again. “I have no control over my blatter do I!” 

[Wannatripbaby]

I go back to comforting you. "It's okay, baby. We have plenty of diapers and I don't mind changing you. Please don't cry." I keep cuddling you to help you calm down and to make sure your bladder's empty.

[diaperedpup69]

lets out more pee. and then there is a fart. or what I thought was fart but was a big blop of poop.

The current chemo drugs one of the side effects is diarrea. 

"oooh mommy. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry." 

[Wannatripbaby]

"Shh shhhhh, it's okay, little one. That's one of the side effects of the drugs. You have no control over it right now. Just try to relax and I'll change you again when you've calmed down a bit, okay sweetheart?"

[diaperedpup69]

Continues to sob. "I hate this. I hate this. This is all my fault." 

Maddie has over heard classmates. Say her cancer is her fault. "I want to die." 

[Wannatripbaby]

I pull you away from my body and look into your eyes "Don't say that! Don't ever say that! You are a precious gift from God. You can't give up now! You've got your whole life ahead of you. You have to be strong. You've gotta stay strong!"

I don't know why this happened, but I suddenly started crying at the end of that sentence and went back to holding her close to me, as much for my comfort as hers.

[diaperedpup69]

Maddie just sliently cries. Maddie thinks. She has heard that a lot. 'stay strong. stay strong.' She is only 7. Maddie can't. She's been battling cancer since she was almost 5. This is too much for her. Too much. Maddie needs someone to take care of her. Take this pain away.

In between her sobs. "I'm sorry."

[Wannatripbaby]

"I... I know, baby. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I'm the one who should be sorry."

A bizarre idea came to my mind. "If you want to request a new nurse to take care of you I'll... *sniffle* I'll understand."

[diaperedpup69]

"What!!" Maddie cries. "NO!. NO! Please please Pleaseeeeeee doddoonntt gggooooooooo"

[Wannatripbaby]

I smile and hug you again. "Awww, don't worry, baby. I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna be right by your side every step of the way. I promise."

[diaperedpup69]

Maddie starts to calm down. still in tears but calmer. "I'm really stinky, mommy."

[Wannatripbaby]

"Well let's go ahead and take care of that, sweetie pie." I lay you down and begin changing you again.

[diaperedpup69]

Maddie sucks thumb. "Giggles...love cooliing senation of wipes." 

"I know im 7 but i want to be treated more like alex." 

[Wannatripbaby]

"Well that's perfect. Because with the way your bowels are working there will be a lot more diaper changes in the future." I get you clean and start applying rash cream.