Fear and Self Loathing

[babyally]

First off I'm gunna apologise to all the lovely people on this site who struggle to find someone to share themselves with. While I was deciding to ask for input from people I realised that to many I'm just going to be moaning (Kinda like complaining to kids in an orphanage that my your parents work late) but here goes.

I've been seeing the first woman I have sincerely and maturally fallen in love with for 8 months now. I gently drip fed fetish stuff from just light bondage at first, through the being a daddy dom back in November and finally to my personal age play this past weekend.

Now light bondage and s&m went down easy and once I regressed her and recovered my daddy title she quickly added to things by buying a tail and initiating some pet play. Everything was wonderful and I didnt want for more.

While away together she started raising the issue of making me her baby. I do tease my littles a lot and she wanted to turn the tables. As a DL all of my conscious life, this was a dream come true but as Ive never been AB or sub and always treat the girls I care for as baby subs I was wary that the way she would want to treat me wouldn't work for me. Of course, eventually I gave in. I thought she would enjoy switching to Dom (she has been more dominant with girls in the past but never guys) and I couldn't resist the desire to be put in nappies by her.

So we get to my place late Thursday night, we play around and I get her nappied up for bed. By midday Friday she has remembered our conversation and demands to nappy me. Fast forward the weekend but I went off the deep end; multiple layers of nappies, lots of snuggling, wetting, messing, being fed, given bottles, sucked her dummy, hugged my pushie shark during changes and got in trouble to earn spankings.

Once the weekend is over and reality comes crashing down I had the collective shame and regret of all those orgasms in one avalanche. I did my best to keep her satisfied and engaged but we all know what a self centered role it is to play and it usually works well simply because dom parents enjoy it all so much.

She says that she prefers to be my baby than the other way round. She says she likes how I am when I'm little even if she isn't as interested as I am when she's little and she says she likes making me happy.

The problem is that I can be happy as a daddy dom, I'd love to switch and trying it blew my mind as to how little and sub I can be (messed with my head slightly even while I was loving it). I think she is much happier as my baby and that the novelty of having me as a baby wore off pretty fast.

Advice time: Do I draw a line under me being babied and never do it again? I think I could cut that off for the relationship, though its going to be tougher now the floodgates are open. My concern is that this kind of sub/dom play will undermine the power balance that she enjoys and ruin our fun long term for the sake of short term indulgence.

Also, I have read examples on here of partners being really accepting at first and suddenly going cold later on. I love this woman and I would sacrifice a lot to spend my life with her. From (preferrable personal) experience what have people done in my situation, what happened and what would you advise?

Sorry for the excessively long post, for my next I'm thinking of posting something a bit shorter and easier to read, like War and Peace.

[Hades]

As cliche as this might sound, your best bet is to sit down and talk to her about it. You're obviously devoted to this lady and I'm sure she can see that. You might be able to work out a deal where you're dominant for a while, then she could be for a time. Take turns basically.

You want to make her happy and she wants to make you happy. Talk it out and see how you could make that happen. Also, if you're worried about the play getting cold, set some time where the dom and sub stuff isn't in the picture and just be together.

[babyally]

Thanks for the advice. We have a good balance of "normal" sex, sub/dom stuff and baby roleplay. Mostly dependant on where we are as our work and living situations are a little unconventional. So im not concerned about balance too much.

It's more the taking turns thing that im unsure of. It would be great for me but it may be the slow, well meaning, death of the relationship.

I know honesty is usually the best policy but if I'm honest about what I want and she does things just to appease me, eventually she could resent it and me.

I know talking is always the best advice and I wasn't so daft as to not expect that feedback. Not only is it hard to be honest about this stuff, it seems like too much honesty could ruin the relationship. While a relatively minimal sacrifice could solve the problem?

[Bettypooh]

Show HER your post It's clear you care deeply for her and that you know what's up with you. And your message isn't ambiguous but it's not going to do much good until SHE hears it.

[pvc_pants]

Couldn't you be the daddy who just happens

[babyally]

Thank you Bettypooh, I may do that but I'm still conflicted.

That wouldn't really work that well, pvc_pants. Yes it would let her remain sub but it would still confuse my role as a dom.

Also, I don't think I would like it. My wearing alone has always been DL and not AB but once she put me in nappies it was only a matter of hours before I started to regress. I know I have a childhood situation that isn't uncommon with ABs but I never identified that way until it was encouraged. A purely sexual thing became very soothing and I felt a really strong connection with her as she held me. By the time we went to the cinema with my friends on Sunday I was struggling to tear my gaze from her to the screen. I adored being owned, cared for and loved by her and I think my reaction to situation (ie incredibly snuggly and shy) appeals to her far more than the situation itself.

It's spinning my head out a bit. I love her more than anyone, the feeling was nigh on revelatory when it hit me. And I loved being her baby, again a completely new and unexpect wave of emotion washed me away and left a little version of me lying there.

None of this resolves my conflict though. Do I show her this thread so she understands everything even though being aware of it may influence her to embrace something she doesn't like and so harm the relationship? I respect her so I know I should trust her to tell me if she doesn't want to do things but can I trust her to put herself first over her wish to make me happy.

I would trade short term bliss for long term happiness any day and I just want to be sure I don't accidently instigate the former at the cost of the latter.

[Hades]

Like i said, i really believe a compromise is possible. Besides, YOU can always put her first if she won't. I know it's a scary conversation to have but you two are ultimately the only ones who can decide what's best for your relationship.

[babylin]

BabyAlly: ……………….

[babyally]

Thanks for all the feedback everyone. It was great to be able to vent on people who understand where I'm coming from.

I took Bettypooh's advice and showed my love this thread, we had a chat about things and both opened up to each other a bit more. While I agree with you babylin that honesty can lead to avoidable trouble I glad that I'm lucky enough to be able to be honest and accepted for it.

[Bettypooh]

Communication is the key that makes relationships work