I learned a powerful lesson about myself.

[annee]

I have talked about one of my best friends that I met at our local MUNCH. She is a Pro Dom who I have let top me a few times. She is also a Therapist with a Ph.D. She has help us in many ways and is a big part of our lives. Friday she stopped by and she knew I was in of her special type of relief. As I am person who loves to be in total control of everything. Right down to what my boyfriend wears everyday. For which as she has pointed out I am very lucky to have a truly submissive partner. Because a most guys are as she says are part timers. But I guess I have a bit of the part timer in me. But I only feel OK giving up control to a female. I think it goes back to having a very strict mother myself. She has cruel side even to this day. After spending any time with her she makes me feel like such a loser. It is like I wish she would have just told me to go outside and get her a switch for her to spank me like she did till the day I moved out of her house. As a mother myself I never treated my kids the way she treated me. Yes I used to spank my kids with a belt with pants on. But I also made sure they understood why and showed them I still loved and cared for them. The same way I treat my boyfriend when he has misbehaved. Well back to Friday the night before I had dinner with my mother who even at 76 can make me feel like a worthless person. So after I got home I called Barb who after talking with her told me she would come over to see me after my boyfriend leaves for work. Yes he knows about her. He even calls Aunt Barb with is cute. So after we had some coffee she told me she wanted to try something new. She told me to go to my bedroom and lay on the changing table. I told her I really did not want her to diaper me. But she said if it was too upsetting after she changed me she would be OK with backing off the idea. She then told me she has never diapered a girl before. I do trust her and just relaxed since I do trust her. She was very nice but stern. After she diapered me I just felt strange I told her I am just not comfortable being diapered. She then told me to suckle her that was also a new thing. I did enjoy the closeness and felt a bit turned on but at the same time the diaper felt hot and uncomfortable. After a while I just relax and kind of forgot about wearing a diaper. Then she told me to stand up and took it off. Then I got dressed and we went to the kitchen and talked. I told her I enjoyed the closeness but I just did not like wearing a diaper. I love diapering I even like looking at others wearing and being diapered. I love the control of the whole act of diapering. Folding them just right for what ever occasion. But I am not into wearing myself. I remember diapering my own kids it felt so nice making sure they were dry and clean. They looked so cute with their padded little bottoms. Just as my boyfriends diapered bottom sitting on my lap it gives a feeling love. As if he will always be my little boy who will always depend on his mommy. So after spending any time with my own mother just makes me feel like such a loser. I told Barb about the guilt she makes me feel and I how much better letting go of control to a caring person erases the ugly feelings I have. So after we talked she took a different tact with me than she has in the past. She said I am going handle your disciplinary needs as I feel you need. Instead ordering me me to take my skirt off she just lifted my skirt and gently took off my panties. Instead of her telling me to get the belt she just had me lay across her knees. Then she rubbed my butt firmly and said Ann I want you to know that my hand is going to sting way more than you think so hold still. I am using my hand because I need to feel the closeness only my hands can feel. Wow the first smack stung so much I jumped then I just laid still as my butt started to burn worse with every smack and I started imaging it was my mother spanking with her hand instead of the switch she seemed to love to use. I then started crying it felt so emotional. After she stopped she held me and told everything was alright now. I am not going to go into what happened after that but I have never felt so close and safe with a another women. That weekend I felt so loving I treated my boyfriend like a 2 year old. I mean the whole weekend. When he came home I told him instead of being my little boy this weekend you are going to be mommas baby. So we went shopping I picked out Gerber's baby food and formula. I also picked up some coloring books and blocks. I made it clear this weekend he is to act like a baby not a teen or even a boy. It was a lot of fun I had picked up a highchair at yard sale that was big enough for him a few months ago well he has used it only 2 times. Well this weekend every meal he sat in it. I also fed him every meal. Plus I dressed him in only baby cloths. Plus it was about time to get more use out of them I have spent a lot of money on that stuff. I love the plastic lined diaper covers and pants. It was a very nice weekend. Barb came over Sunday it was fun he was a bit embarrassed because I fed him and change him right in front her just like a mother would do with a baby in the house. She even gave him a bottle. This morning he told me really started to enjoy being just a baby. Tonight when he gets home I am going to dress him in his sailor suit as soon as he gets home. Well thanks for the space to share.

[caringlovingone]

your little guy is lucky

[abmarty]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us. You are a beautiful person and a very good Mommy. You have a wonderful relationship with your friend, Barb. I hope she knows how much you appreciate her. Perhaps you will send her a card or flowers or take her out to dinner. She brings out the best in you. She seems to know just what you need and it is good that you listen to her and follow her instructions. You probably want to spend more time with her and explore a deeper trust relationship. You can let us know what else you learn from her as she guides you. She seems to be an expert and knows just what she is doing and you seem so fulfilled in your experiences. You are more confident in yourself when she is coaching you. Everyone needs a special trustworthy friend like that. We all can learn a lot from you two. So thanks for sharing.

It is so interesting that after you let her take control, you were ready to be in control with a strong desire to make your boyfriend be a baby for the weekend. Sounds like you both had a wonderful time together.

Did he respond well to all your commands? How did he do in baby-mode? Did he really get into it? Besides wearing diapers and eating baby food in a high chair, what else did you have him do? Did you make him use baby-talk, toddler walk, play with toys, suck his thumb or pacifier, drink a bottle, nurse from you before naptime, watch Barney or other kiddie shows? What baby clothes does he have?

If you are looking for ideas to help him get into 'baby-space' so he regresses and has a more authentic experience, you might make a list of baby behaviours for him to learn and then spend the weekend practicing those using a system of punishment and rewards. For rewards you can give him a sticker when he gets the behaviour right consistently. And when he earns so many stickers you can give him something he really wants or enjoys so he will be highly motivated to get it right. If he continues to resist or mess up that's when punishments come in (spanking, time outs, take away stickers earned, withhold things he wants and enjoys, threaten to tell someone you both know that he wears diapers-the threat of embarrassment can be a good deterrent for some).

And once he has those behaviours down, then you can invite Aunt Barb over to watch him perform. Then you will be so proud of him and enjoy that special feeling of success and fulfilment with your friend affirming your accomplishments.

Some baby behaviours you might consider are: colouring (using only his weak hand or wearing mittens), read you a baby book, performing a nursery rhyme (Little Bunny FooFoo), doing the desperate peepee potty dance when he has to go bad, toddler talk/walk, casual thumb sucking, playing with a stuffed toy as a special friend, etc. I'm sure you can think of plenty more that you might like to have him try.

The idea is to make the experience as authentic as possible for you both. One way to start would be to diaper and dress him and then feed him a bottle or two with his head on your lap on the couch. (If you need him to relax and let down, give him a few beers before you start). Have him close his eyes while you talk softly in his ear and regress him back to baby land. Make sure you use Mommy talk all the time. Tell him all things you want him to do in baby land. Then tell him about the rewards and punishments. Then go over each behaviour again and ask him if he's going to be a good baby and do those things. Get him to say 'yes' to each behaviour to seal your deal. Once he agrees you can confidently enforce your rules. You can even use key words to trigger certain behaviours if you want. (For example, when you say the word 'No' loud and emphatically, he should respond by crying for a minute for being scolded and not getting his way.) Try it, it will be fun. Then let us know how it goes.

If he needs help with certain behaviours, you can look them up on YouTube and get him to watch those until he memorizes every move. You can find good clips of the peepee potty dance, performing nursery rhymes, casual thumb sucking, crying, and other childish behaviours on YouTube. Again the point is to create an authentic experience for you both.

Remember practice makes perfect. Have fun.