Realization And Acceptance.

[Guest curiousgandering]

I remember being 6 years old asking my mother to buy diapers for my "teddy bear", those are my first memories at all, I have none from before 6 years of age. I have definitely struggled to accept this side of me, pretty much a work in progress....

[Guest Defender]

I've been an AB/DL for my entire life ever since I can remember, but for

[Qball1989]

One of my sisters was incontinent. And I remember Around middle school age one day I decided to try one of her pull-ups. I was really afraid because it made me feel so good. At that time I didn't even use them. I just liked how they felt on my skin. And that's how it all started for me. At least the fetish part.

[WakkoWannaBe]

When I was about 4 or 5 I saw a pampers commercial and it triggerd something in me.

[Qball1989]

WakkoWannaBe

I have thought about that too. I completely understand where you're coming from. For me, I've come to find out that this is very much more than sexual. But yeah, they're definitely isn't many people that I plan on telling about this. But those people that do become close friends with me or that I have no one for a while I'm definitely not going to keep it a huge secret from.

[Rachel Emily]

It's evolved into more of a comfort thing for me as well. Thanks to the hormones I take, my sex drive is greatly diminished, so the diapers are less a sexual object than a transitional one. No different from my pacifier or my stuffed animals. In a way, being freed from the sexual attraction to diapers has allowed me to explore new areas, and venture more deeply into AB territory than I might have twenty years ago.

[softndry]

Diapers have been a desire of mine since my memory tells me, about age of 5. I remember it was sensual even at that age to take the soft cotton blankets on my bed and pull them up between my legs and pull up my shorts or PJ bottoms to hold the wadded up soft thick blanket between my legs and hump and rub the blanket, it always just felt great. This desire stayed with me all these years and graduated from blankets pulled between legs to wearing blankets folded up as diapers that I could pin on and enjoy the feelings. Always wondered why so much in love with wearing thick diapers, thought I was the only one. Once internet was available to me, and found articles in penthouse forum magazines, found all this information about diaper lovers (DPF, etc) then realized I probalby wan not so unique in my desires afterall. This was about when was in late 20s. Been throughly into this for both sensual reasons and now 40 years later, still have a lot of fun and comfort times in my cloth diapers.

[WakkoWannaBe]

Yeah, and When it comes to diapers and sex drive and sexuality vs. sensuality, diapers are kind of a grey area for me. It just so happens that on the rare occasion when I put on a diaper that I usually end up with a boner (TMI?) - but it's not that I'm turned on per se. So that's something for me to figure out as well.

[Qball1989]

Yeah, and When it comes to diapers and sex drive and sexuality vs. sensuality, diapers are kind of a grey area for me. It just so happens that on the rare occasion when I put on a diaper that I usually end up with a boner (TMI?) - but it's not that I'm turned on per se. So that's something for me to figure out as well.

[lunatyke]

The survey we are running asks pretty much this same question: when did you first become aware that there was something different going on. Often we can take many years to formulate or

[DiaperPony]

I first realized I had a urine fetish in my mid to late teens. I had an unnatural curiosity about it. Examples: I set a bowl outside in the sun to let it evaporate, because I wanted to see what was left when the water was gone, microwaved it, tried adding things to it like baking soda or food coloring. And of course, peeing on myself in the showe and I even drank it once as part of a dare (although I accepted the dare way too easily).

Around this time I found religion (my parents marriage was in freefall, and in retrospect it provided me some stability) and it was not accepting of masturbation or pee play, so I repressed this part of myself.

Years later, when I was around 22, after performing missionary service, I found myself less active in the church. I was not getting along with my dad, and I moved to an apartment on my own. I re-explored masturbation, and I also discovered my interest in diapers. I first used plastic shopping bags and then a rain poncho. I even went down to check the mail with the poncho under my pants, and that was a rush. I was determined to just contain the pee in the plastic, because I loved the feeling of it sloshing around, but after an abundance of leaks, I realized even my best efforts weren't very effective and I needed to use towels and such to soak it up. After I would get a towel soaked, I would lay it on my chest and fae and enjoy the smell and the feel of the wetness. I also worked up the courage to buy a pack of baby diapers (pampers). They of course were way too small but the smell was great and I enjoyed wettng them.

Through the efforts of another church member trying to reactivate me, I started feeling very ashamed and repressed this part of my life again. That lasted for many years (although I wasn't always 100% active), where I eventually married a woman from church and even had kids. After 4 years or so, the doubts returned, and I left the church (she did too). Not too long after that our marriage fell apart, because it was based on repressed lust and church dogma.

A couple years ago, I discovered diaper image threads on /b/. With no religion left to make me feel guilty, I explored again, this time researching it and picking up a pack of Depend Max. Then shortly after I discovered DD and here I am. Since then I've also discovered a crossdressing fetish and I have been exploring that part of myself.

[Qball1989]

I first realized I had a urine fetish in my mid to late teens. I had an unnatural curiosity about it. Examples: I set a bowl outside in the sun to let it evaporate, because I wanted to see what was left when the water was gone, microwaved it, tried adding things to it like baking soda or food coloring. And of course, peeing on myself in the showe and I even drank it once as part of a dare (although I accepted the dare way too easily).

Around this time I found religion (my parents marriage was in freefall, and in retrospect it provided me some stability) and it was not accepting of masturbation or pee play, so I repressed this part of myself.

Years later, when I was around 22, after performing missionary service, I found myself less active in the church. I was not getting along with my dad, and I moved to an apartment on my own. I re-explored masturbation, and I also discovered my interest in diapers. I first used plastic shopping bags and then a rain poncho. I even went down to check the mail with the poncho under my pants, and that was a rush. I was determined to just contain the pee in the plastic, because I loved the feeling of it sloshing around, but after an abundance of leaks, I realized even my best efforts weren't very effective and I needed to use towels and such to soak it up. After I would get a towel soaked, I would lay it on my chest and fae and enjoy the smell and the feel of the wetness. I also worked up the courage to buy a pack of baby diapers (pampers). They of course were way too small but the smell was great and I enjoyed wettng them.

Through the efforts of another church member trying to reactivate me, I started feeling very ashamed and repressed this part of my life again. That lasted for many years (although I wasn't always 100% active), where I eventually married a woman from church and even had kids. After 4 years or so, the doubts returned, and I left the church (she did too). Not too long after that our marriage fell apart, because it was based on repressed lust and church dogma.

A couple years ago, I discovered diaper image threads on /b/. With no religion left to make me feel guilty, I explored again, this time researching it and picking up a pack of Depend Max. Then shortly after I discovered DD and here I am. Since then I've also discovered a crossdressing fetish and I have been exploring that part of myself.

I can completely understand what you're saying about religion. I became a Christian two years ago and up until about a month ago I always felt so guilty. Even before I was a Christian I felt guilty. I felt like there was something wrong with me and that I was different. For me, my face is still very important to me. Following Christ and trying to show his love Is how I want to live my life. It's only been about a month since I've started To a accept myself, It's definitely a slow And emotional process.

I believe in my heart that Jesus loves me. Not because of anything I've done not because of the person I am or will one day be; But because of what he has done. Thanks so much for posting all of these responses. It is so inspiring to listen to other peoples Experiences with Realization and acceptance. Keep on posting

[little_raccoon]

I realized and accepted it