I Feel So Lost 80(

[KJayy]

I feel so lost right now. I love my girlfriend and I know she loves me. I just got out of a bad marriage awhile back and now I have a very loving girlfriend and she knows that I'm incontinent but she refuses to help whatsoever. I told her that after I've been wearing diapers so long that it's become a sort of fetish since it doesnt bother me as much as it used to but occasionally I get upset and really tired of having to change myself and I want help and it's made me wanna seek out other mommys and adult babysitters and mistresses to have fun with it and satisfy that want with some role play. I know it's wrong and I don't wanna do anything stupid either and I wish I wasn't incontinent but it's so frustrating and hard to stop my mind from wandering and I feel like I'm hurting her my wanting this or even seeking it out. She told me if she loves me no matter what and I don't wanna lie but I have a feeling I'd lose her if I am honest about that part since she said that she won't be able to deal with me anymore if it becomes more of a fetish vs medical need and I don't know what else to do because I am having a hard time putting it out of my mind since I would like to get to know and have friends who are into it as well so that I don't feel so alone. I know I'm probably selfish for this and I know its not her job to change me but I just wish it were better cus I hate lying and denying who and what and how I am.

Anyone got any input on this? Please help! I'm open to any ideas on how to fix it.

Idk what else to do it just eats at me so much that I just feel like jumping off a bridge and ending it all and yes I know that's not the answer.

[Honu]

KJayy,

You are asking a very difficult question. You are clear that you are looking for something that you aren't getting, but you didn't really put too much of her views out there. What's going for you is that she has confessed her love for you. That's great! Now all you have to do is take it slowly with regard to your desires and make sure that you know what she wants. Build your relationship and she may become more open to doing what makes you happy just to make you happy. On the other hand, she may have some really deep-seated, deal breaking mental barriers that you haven't written about. Do you know why she is so against doing your diapers for you? Does she know that her resistence to helping you is close to becoming a deal breaker for you? Oh, you didn't know that? Well, it sounds like it is from what you wrote.

Good luck and please do update this with the results of your next heart-to-heart with her.

[KJayy]

Yea it is rough and I'm scared to death to even have another heart to heart with her or at least for awhile. I know she said I'm a damn grown man and can do things on my own etc but she's also told me that she's done some care taking before but it was a long time ago. There's a lot of factors I'm looking at and I'm thinking I should just do my best to give it more time but idk. I mean I'm happy and yet I'm not. I've tried to figure out her side but she's pretty much a puzzlebox and I don't feel that she's told me everything yet either. We've been together now for a little over a year and it's been awesome but I'm tired and I hate having to hide how I feel but at the same time I don't wanna hurt her and yet I know I am. I'm damned either way petty much. I wish I could toss out all the thoughts of doing those things out of my head but the harder I fight it the worse it comes back at me later on.