On & Off... And On And Off, Again... And Maybe A Sissy?

[JustJoe]

Well, well, well... where to begin?

I suppose I'm rather confused about my own feelings and would apprechaite some support.

Now I'm guessing there are probably a few people here who have a sort of love hate relationship with their AB/DLism?

I've always seen my feelings as something of an addiction. When I don't have any diapers or baby things then I tend to desire them greatly but if I'm wearing them everyday then I eventually 'catch myself on' (to use a collequal expression) and think 'What the heck am I doing?' which can sometimes lead to a bit of self loathing unfortunatly.

Despite the fact I don't really think being an 'on and off' AB is really the ideal way to be, I find it can suit me so long as I indulge myself in moderation. i.e so I've always got a few diapers or a teddy or something if I need them/when I need them, rather than effectively spending more money than I should on a sort of AB/DL binge and then throwing everything away in a fit of dispare. (sounds extreme I know, but I can be quite an emotional person at times.)

Also I find that roleplaying is a good way for me to indulge my babyside if find a good partner but I do find it can get quite addictive and I've wasted time I couldn't really afford to give before.

If any feels they have a similar sort of approach/feelings about AB/DLism to myself then I would apprechaite any tips you may have on how to manage the desires.

Okay secondly, and do hope no one minds, I would like to discuss my feelings about discovering I may possibly be a sissy (I am aware there is a sissy forum here but I thought I lump this whole thing into one big lifestyle issue.)

So I'm going to try and explain my thoughts and feelings on this and maybe you kind folks can let me know if I am sissy or not.

Basically I think since I hit puberty I started to get interested in wearing diapers and I also started to wish I had been born a girl and getting feelings a mild female body jealously. (I'm guessing I was probably jealous of my baby sister)

I would like to point out though that I'm quite certain I'm not an transexual (Or have a body disasociative disorder) because my feelings arn't so strong that I would ever condsider having surgery and living as a woman. It's more like I just seem to believe my life would have somehow been better and I would have been happier had I been born a girl.

When I roleplay it's almost always as a girl because that's my only really way to indulge that aspect of me.

I have tried on woman's clothing before out of curiousity before but I'm not really sure how I felt about it. I think I felt more ashamed than excited.

I do however have a couple of pink nighties I sometimes wear to sleep and a pink pacifer. I enjoy these items because they are kind of babyish, girlish and cute, but I don't feel satisfied when I see myself in the mirror wearing them because obviously I do look a bit silly.

I've never really thought of myself as sissy before and although I hate to admitt it, this whats probably because I had this prejudiced idea that being a sissy was a bad thing.

I am still a little bit detered by the thought of some guys who like to wear ultra frilly panties and dresses ectra because I personally think it looks a bit ridiclous, though I respect that is what some people may like to do. I personally am attracted to oridinary girls clothes. Mostly cute teen things or sometimes childwear, but I also find myself looking at adult dresses and thinking 'I wish I could wear something like that and look good'.

So yeah, I sort of believe that maybe I'm not really a sissy as such, I just wish I could be a girl. If that makes any sense?

I have tried to explore the sissy side of my AB/DLism a little but though.

Lily_Kitten from DiaperedAnime encouraged me to buys some things like the nighties for example. I found that I do have a slightly submissive side. I like humiliating myself and wearing these girl's clothes plus diapers ect if I know it's making someone else happy.

I think that may also be a sort of responsibility thing. I'm 21 now and I do have some masculine instincts (or conditioning prohaps) about notions of being a responsible adult who can provide for himself and possibly a family etc ect. So I think I'm begining to find that I relax into my sissy side and ABDL side a lot more easily once I feel that responsibilty for the situation is in the hands of someone else, which is why I think I could benefit from an Online mommie.

Yeah, well, me and countless others I'm sure! I'm sure any women using this forum are probably sick of getting 'will you be my mommy?' requests, so I'm not going to hazzle anyone by asking directly.

Although if anyone (that includes men, though I must confess I'm not really that comfortable with men) comes across this and would be interested in providing a mommy role from time to time then I would genuinely love to hear from you.

That probably wraps that up for now.

Thank you for reading this. It was nice to be able to share some of my thoughts.

[Diapered Jason]

Yeah, I think you kind of answered your own question. At least, you sound like you might be a sissy.

Now the question is whether or not your interest in diapers ties into your submissiveness as a fetish or is it more of a stress relief thing separate from your submissive side. Admittedly, I have difficult time answering that question myself. It is like the difference between a mistress who sissifies you or a mommy who treats you as her baby girl if you were looking for either. Also, a sissy does not have to be declared pathetic by the dominant in either case, such as by making demeaning statements about you or performing cuckolds. Even more so, the sissy does not even have to have a dominant. Though they are often associated in online literature, I consider those activities a separate thing from being a sissy, since it is BDSM. Of course that is my opinion. While I think of my desires as being sissy, I will never participate in a cuckold, but I do enjoy submission.

One thing that is different is you say you feel your life would have been better off if you were born female. That could be a few things. It could be that you feel women are superior or you do not enjoy being male or something else. I do not feel my life would have been better being born the opposite sex, so I do not know how to interpret that. I thought I would just throw some things out though.

I hope what I said helps, but there will certainly be more interpretations from other people here that will prove helpful as there are quite a few other sissies here.

[JustJoe]

Thanks for your imput.

I'm probably looking more for a mommy who treats me as a baby girl and appealing more to some emotional need than a fetish.

However that being said I do get a bit of a rush from being dominated.

Things like being asked or told it's okay to wet my diaper. Or being told what I should wear, Or going out and buying something girly to wear like the nighties because I was asked to.

I'm very much aware I feel more confident in doing these things when it feels like the responsiblity is out of my hands and has been entrusted onto someone else.

So there is probably a mixture of the AB desires for a loss of responsibilty in my life and some fetishtic desires coming in where humiliation is involved. Whoever I don't usually volenteer to humiliate myself, I do it to please someone else or I'll do it as part of a 'dare' if I feeling the person who asked me to do it is doing something on par for me.