Came Out Of The Closet, Accidentaly

[Guest Baby Rina]

Oh man, i'm sorry so very sorry this happened to you hun. I'm both trans and AB and pretty much as out as i can be with my family and not completely of my own volition either. I got dragged to several therapists as a child over the transgendered issues because they presented first, most of them having the agenda to 'cure me'... but that's my own thread for another time.

When i was out in college my mother went through a lot of my boxed items waiting to be shipped out to me, arguably to make sure they were packed properly,and 'accidentally' broke open my trunk to find my stash at the time. Things went... i want to say slightly worse. Though i was in college i was depending on her for some of the funds for college while i was paying for housing (no dorms ) and she withdrew any help she was giving and canceled the return leg of my original plane ticket so i couldn't return, that was in 2004, since then the only words i've spoken to her are "Your not family" at my dad's funeral in 2008 and barred her from entering. I haven't spoken with any member of my family since then either so i can't attest to what kind of stink she made with the neighbors and family. I do know that over the phone when she found them i got a very very long lecture about how i was wrong, sick, perverted, and so many other things and how would i like it if my friends in college knew that was a baby freak who shit my pants... (Hint i plan to move back and one of them might be interested in romantic situations... and he knows...)

I think it's been said several times before that you need to move out and that's totally the case here luv. If she's going to be one of those it's my way under my roof type of people stop being under her roof. There's nothing wrong with what you do with your life in your bedroom. I can see how some people might get more skittish if you walked around with your diaper hanging out on main street but, bedrooms have doors for a reason. I don't know why some parents seem to think that their adult children are still in fact... children, if you can't be trusted not to steal something like perfume and she has to rummage through your things because she can't ask, and then gets horrified when she finds your stash of things to pretend to be, of all things a small child. Can't have it both ways can you? Either way best of luck hun and keep strong.

Luv

Rina

[Eir]

I am sorry you are going through this, and it is hurtful that your mother did not give you the benefit of doubt. This is precisely the type of reaction I am afraid of. I am living away from home right now for grad school, but I am certain that if my mother caught me wearing she would have me talk to the pastor, and make me see therapists. I believe that your mother is acting under the very common assumption that any adult who is interested in diapers is also interested in children. Unfortunately this makes emotional sense for much of our culture, we may never convince the general public that we are not pedophiles. But there is definitely something going on here, I believe that your mother is perfectionist, and has an uptight Middle Class Values.

Mothers have a strange way of thinking that everything you do is about them. If you do well by their standards, they are proud. If they catch you doing something "strange" like wearing, they will automatically view it as their fault, and project their own insecurities on you. I have had some unfortunate conversations like this. My phone got stolen when I was at a public park. I deliberately calmed myself before calling home from the phone store (I had to because I was under their plan). She was upset that my phone got stolen and mad at me for letting it happen. (I made a careless mistake). She harangued me over the phone, and when I became defensive (A simple response to her anger and hostility,) she had practically scolded me over the phone for being upset with her, and blaming her (I cannot believe you left your phone in your bag and swam in the river, you are SMARTER THAN THAT!) When it comes to mistakes, they make it feel like your fault, so no blame comes their way, they say they "taught you better than that," so they can feel vindicated.

You are right to feel hurt and betrayed by your mother's actions, you do not deserve to have your deepest secrets exposed to the public (not to mention your entire family) and put in such a negative light! There is no excuse for your mother's actions, but I do understand her M.O. As I have already stated, mothers see everything you do as a reflection on them, and when it reflects poorly (from their point of view) they cannot handle that. Here is what is probably going on in your mother's mind. Your mother automatically assumes the diaper lover= pediophilia thing (cultural in origin and nothing will convince her othersise.) She views herself as a failure and HATES herself for it! The only way she can convince herself that she is not a failure, is by denouncing you to your entire family, and everyone she knows as a deviant. She outed you harshly to make herself feel better, and she is absolutely wrong for doing it, that is the bottom line in this case. My training in the humanities taught me to view complex problems from a third plane, let me know if this helps.

If you would like to talk with me about this, please feel free.