These Days (chapter 1 - 6)

[Kanji]

Foreword: At first I wanted to go off about how people don't tend to comment on my stories, but now I'm having second thoughts. Instead I'm going to just say that I want your comments, I don't care if its something as short as 'You suck' or 'Stop Writing before I get a Brain Tumor.'

This is the story of Andrea Thomas, a young transgender who has constantly had to fight the system just to get by on a day to day basis. As the story opens we find that Andrea has found a highschool that she can go to, however what she doesn't realize is that this highschool has a segregation not normally seen in the Highschool society. She is instantly ordained a 'Throwaway" and placed in a block of students that are not part of the mold that society sets.

Without further hesitation I present:

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These Days

Chapter 1

He, or what could now legally be called she could imagine the clutter that would indefinitely fill the linoleum floored halls every afternoon. Ahead was the principle of the establishment adulating the grandeur of the academy with a rehearsed tone. Despite her lack of enthusiasm for the presentation Andrea walked behind listening with a focus that could only come from someone who spent their free time watching fishing shows on television. However her conscious thoughts were elsewhere as she subconsciously listened to the man. Andrea looked above the symmetric rows of gunmetal lockers at the prison windows a few feet above, the sun had slanted in such a way that its life nurturing rays were filtering through the panes of the windows and reflecting on the thousands of dust molecules in the hallway. She had always enjoyed those kinds of scenes in old teen movies; it was almost as if she could smell the comforting mustiness in the back of her mind.

“Well Miss Thomas, now that you’ve had the grand tour of the academy do you think you’d be up to starting tomorrow?” The Principle turned around on his heels with a smile.

Torn immediately from her thoughts, Andrea looked at the plump balding man with a halting smile as she processed the information. “Yes sir, I would very much like to start tomorrow, thank you for accepting me in your school.”

She really did have to thank him, she owed him everything at this point in time.

“Its no problem Miss Thomas, I’ll be the first to admit that it’s not for your sake only. Accepting a student such as you will put our school in the spotlight for grants from the Liberal party.”

“Of course, it’s not about the singular student, it’s about the community.” Andrea had a flat tone though she had meant it sarcastically. “Very well sir, if you’ll excuse me now I’ll be going.”

“Very well Miss, I’ll see you here tomorrow bright and early.”

Andrea brushed her sandy blonde bangs out of her brown eyes as she turned away from the principle, walking away from him with trained grace. Despite his less than noble intentions, Andrea did have to give the man behind her credit as a trustworthy person. Ever since she had come out as a public transgender she was met with mixed reactions. Though she could have easily yielded to it all, Andrea stood strong against the endless torrents of supporters and protesters. It was really only because of her mother that she was able to stand proudly as Andrea instead of Edward Thomas.

Interestingly enough it had only been three months even though it seemed like a lifetime of action for the small town of Kuna, Idaho. A mainly religious no nonsense community, Edward was a bit hard pressed to approach anyone with her quandaries. She would have rather approached her parents at a convenient time, but as she was told by a wiser, older transgender on the various forums she had visited, there was no convenient time to tell someone such earth shattering news.

Edward gulped. “Yea, that’s what I said.”

Both her mom and dad stared at her like she had just brutally murdered a cow then laid the blame on some unsuspecting good Samaritan. Edward stood in aisle five crossing her ankles and twiddling her thumbs nervously. In retrospect it probably wasn’t the best idea to tell them in the middle of a busy supermarket, as her words had drawn the unexpected gaze of a few concerned mothers. If it had not been for the fluorescent lights above them reminding the various shoppers that electricity had been invented, that some one would have suggested witch burning or lynching for Edward. Instead her mom and dad pulled her out of the store roughly and quietly as possible leaving the aluminum cart full of various food items behind.

“Just what are you getting at?!” Her dad burst out when their feet hit the sidewalk outside the store. “So what you like other boys, smoking weed, drinking and hanging out with a rough crowd?! What is wrong with you?!”

“Nothing, I’m just saying that…” Edward had a hard time forcing the words out. “That I’m a girl.”

“Have you even looked at yourself in the mirror naked?! Honestly, I don’t think you have the right assets to call yourself a girl. You must be smoking something because your grades are just good enough to warrant you as smarter than an average retard.”

It wasn’t really a fair statement, Edward was fairly recluse person and as such preferred to study over socialize.

“Please Jim; hear him out before you fly off the handle.” Mom put a reassuring hand on her husbands shoulder, her face stoically near the edge of tears. “Dear, would you care to explain?”

There comes a time in the state of nervousness where all information boils over into a steady stream, spilling out of the mouth like a bad lunch and leaving the same after taste. “Its just that I’m this thing called a transgender, meaning that I am a girl who has the body of a male. It’s not a disorder or anything and can’t be fixed by medicine, it just means that somewhere along the lines of your pregnancy it was genetically decided that your female baby would be a male. This being said, a female mind is trapped inside this body. I’d like to assure you that this is actually a medical phenomenon, and that any doctor could tell you just about the same thing that I am telling you. As well, there are tests that could determine whether or not I am actually a transgender, so if you don’t believe me then I can take it for you.”

That had been the start of it all, three months and a day later Andrea walked back down the street she had been the previous day. This time however she was keeping pace with a funeral like procession of peers, carrying a growing burlap weight on her back and nasty whispers on her shoulders. For her first true day out in public, Andrea had decided to wear something stylish but not tramp worthy. Her blonde hair had been pulled back into a loose French braid by her mother while she had been eating a bowl of cereal, topped off with forest green beret. Expectedly she was flat though she had managed to get a little shape from her breasts managing to fit in an A cup with a little padding, over which was worn a white t-shirt with the slogan “Poison Apple” on it and a black sweater trench with no buttons. Also figuring that she would not truly fit the part of a girl without the national symbol of womanhood around her waist, Andrea had put on a long frayed jean skirt held up by a rainbow belt that was more of a symbol of gay pride than a fashion statement.

Of course, she would never go anywhere without her white converse sneakers that would under go a torturous transformation at the end of various felt tip markers within a month.

At the doors of the high school stood a rather despondent looking girl with short black hair and an overall black appearance. She didn’t exactly fit the bill of a goth, as she wasn’t wearing makeup or anything, but she certainly wasn’t a prep wearing an old Pink Floyd t-shirt, fishnet arm warmers, baggy black cargo pants and combat boots. Andrea had only meant to gaze at her, but as the girl looked back she realized that there was a confrontation of one sort or another on the immediate horizon. The black haired girl stepped off her perch against the wall as Andrea began to ascend the stairs, students shuffling past with interested distant stares as the two stopped.

“You the cross dresser?”

“Uh… Transgender and my name is Andrea.”

“Ah yes, sorry about that, I don’t really pay attention to anything as you can tell, the principle told me to greet some girl that was actually a boy, he probably called you a transgender but I didn’t listen. Oh, by the way I’m Elise, but you can call me Elle. Nice to meet you Adralyn.” Elle offered her hand respectfully.

Andrea took it nervously. “It’s Andrea actually.”

“Right, sorry.” She didn’t sound serious about her apology, though in a way she was believable. “Anyway, I suppose I should initiate you, welcome to Kuna High school, home of the ignorant farmers teenage son or daughter. As you can tell, most of the students here hail from rather straight laced backgrounds, as evident by their constant STARING!”

Elle shot an angry glance at the students with bared fists, which warranted the immediate reaction of soft screams and scattered fleeing. Needless to say, Andrea wasn’t sure what to expect from Elle at that point. One moment the girl was unable to focus on the slightest bit of conversation, the next she was threatening to kill the rest of the student body intensely. Finally satisfied by the quickened pace of her peers, Elle turned back to Andrea her eyelids noticeably drooping as she lulled back into a monotonous apathy.

“Anyway, there are those of us who do not come from such backgrounds. While some may hide it, there are those of us who are unable to, and are thus thrown into a subculture in the schools hierarchy. Affectionately enough we’ve been dubbed the throwaways, the ones who are unable to even sit at the nerd table. It might seem like a cliche’ but the rest of our so called peers are shallow enough to follow their lineage’s ignorance.”

Andrea couldn’t help but to take the news with the only defense mechanism that she had available. “Oh that’s lovely; turns out life can be like a twisted teen movie after all. Though I suppose there is no chance of me getting the boy at the end.”

Elle giggled a little grabbing up backpack, which was amazingly not black but rather red and turned back to Andrea. “I can tell we’re going to get along Andrea. Anyway, the Principle has the throwaways in the same block of classes so we don’t sully the prestigious reputation of the school’s infrastructure.”

“As I said yesterday, it’s not about the individual student, its about the community. Or as I secretly call it, the hive.” Andrea smirked following her new friend down the emptying halls.

“Exactly.”

“Hey Elle, mind if I ask you a personal question?” Andrea asked thoughtfully.

“Huh? Sorry wasn’t listening, say again?” Elle perked up out of her doze.

Rolling her eyes Andrea asked again.

“Oh yes, ask away.” Elle began to doze again.

“I was wondering why you’re in the throwaways, you don’t seem that odd to me other than a few mild quirks.”

Elle smirked walking faster and turning around quickly in front of Andrea, her eyes open all the way though she didn’t have the same focus as when she was angry. “You really want to know?”

Andrea stopped. “Yea I would, that’s probably the reason I asked you in the first place though I could be mistaken.”

Dropping her bag to the floor with a hollow thump against the linoleum floors, Elle’s hands immediately went down to the waist of her pants unbuttoning them without any embarrassment. Andrea however averted her eyes momentarily before curiosity got the better of her, and drifted back to gaze upon a slightly sodden diaper. At first she was confused, but then she realized that Elle must have been incontinent. She was suddenly sad that she had even known, Andrea had decided to come out as a transgender, but Elle would have been thrown into her social status by unnatural causes.

“Oh… Elle I’m so sorry…” Andrea’s voice trailed as she looked back into her friends green eyes.

“Sorry about what now?” Elle had buttoned her pants and grabbed her bag again.

“Sorry that you’re incontinent.”

Elle laughed for a moment, sending her new friend back into confusion. “Oh god that’s funny, I gave up that excuse years ago. Truth be told, I don’t have control anymore, but it wasn’t because of an accident or disease. Actually I decided on my own to start wearing diapers every day, I’ll explain it to you later. Maybe you should come over to my house tomorrow and I’ll tell you the whole story.”

“Elle?”

“Huh?”

“You confuse the fuck out of me.”

Laughter rang through the hallways once more.

[Kanji]

Chapter 2

Everything was a mess, old desks lined up in chaotic lines toward the front of the class shone with the brilliant glow of black ink, past students immortalized by their markings. As she entered behind Elle, Andrea was assaulted with the faint hint of ammonia making her wonder if the small room had been a storage closet in a previous incarnation. Even the teacher’s desk was marred with various cuts and nicks, covered by various plants, staplers and other miscellanea. Rather than having a more efficient white board that was prevalent in the rest of the school, the room was equipped with a chalkboard which had seen more than its fair share of writing. If she looked at it long enough, Andrea was sure she could make out a myriad of words and pictures jumbled into an obscured infinity. However what made her most disheartened about her new homeroom was the fact that it had no windows of any sort, only brick walls and an old plywood door, which amusingly enough didn’t even have a window itself.

Elle immediately went to her desk, sitting down and dropping her bag behind the chair before reclining back in a lull. It was almost predictable at this point that Elle would leave Andrea in the awkward situation of standing at the door with a classroom of six students, not including Elle, staring at her curiously. She was on the verge of scuffling out until the teacher came to introduce her when a red headed girl with green streaks in her hair nudged Elle.

“Huh? Why are you poking me Faye? That’s pretty rude you know, there are other ways of communicating to people.”

“Ugh, why do you think you lethargic dope? Aren’t you going to introduce the new girl or are you going to let her remain oblivious to the rest of us? I suppose that your indolent tendencies have made you somewhat ignorant to certain social cues.” Faye gave off a bookish demeanor. And despite the fact that she could be classified as a punk by the way she dressed, her tone was very pleasant though she did not smile.

“Oh…” Elle stood up again thinking for a moment. “What was I supposed to say again?”

“Just introduce the new girl!” A sharp dressed boy spoke out from the back of the classroom.

Elle turned to him. “Alright, you don’t have to yell. Every one, this is Andrea, she’s that transsexual that has been the talk of the morning.”

“Transgender.” Andrea reminded her friend.

“Oh right, transgender. Um anyway, everyone else introduce your selves to Andrea, I’m a bit worn out.” With that she sank back into her chair staring up at the ceiling.

“Smooth…” Faye said standing up and pulling her bangs out of her eyes. “As you had gathered from our dysfunctional greeter, my name is Faye. You’re probably wondering why I am here too, as it turns out being an open lesbian in this community is abhorrently gazed down upon. I blame the society personally; this town is a primordial bastion of hick farmers.”

The black haired boy in the suit stood, he was seemingly of Hispanic origin with a dark olive complexion and a boyish face. By his desk knelt a black girl who looked up at the boy with a deep adoration, her short hair was dyed blonde and she wore very casual clothing consisting of a blue and white top and tight flared jeans as well as a pair of white tennis shoes.

“My name is Damian.” He said shortly.

“Actually his name is Lalo, he just thinks Damien makes him sound more manly.” Faye explained with a smirk.

“Shut up Faye, no one needs to know my real name!” Angrily he rolled his shoulders forward and puffed out his chest toward Faye.

Andrea smiled toward him. “Its ok, I don’t mind calling you Damien.”

He visibly settled back into a semi-calm state. “Anyway, this is my property and the reason I ended up here. I am what many call a Dom, and she is my sub. I prefer to be called a master though, not that it matters to you. As well, I expect you to treat her with as much respect as you would anyone else otherwise we will have problems. You may speak to her Quinta.”

“Thank you Master.” She stayed kneeled but turned her kind gaze to Andrea. “Hello Andrea, my name is Quinta, please don’t mind my Master he is really a very sweet man.”

Another boy stood up, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose and pushing his hair back slowly. He wouldn’t have seemed so out of the norm had he not been wearing a white robe with gilded purple embroidery laced in intricate patterns upon it. On his desk was an old book that had no legible writing on the cover.

“Greeting Andrea, may the wave guide you on this new day. I am called Peter by my peers, but when the sun halts my identity becomes that of Lachlan, watcher of the waters.” He gave an intricate wave of his hand.

Andrea was a bit self conscious about him, but she maintained some semblance of calm as she greeted him back. “Hello Peter, nice to meet you.”

“Don’t be too alarmed by Peter; he’s undisruptive if you can avert his attempts to convert you. In short, he’s in a sect.” Faye had become a better advocate for the class than Elle.

“I suppose it is my turn.” His voice was lyrical and his face held a charm that could only be rivaled in the movies. Brown hair fell in curls against his head, and blue eyes shone brilliantly only making him more handsome. At first glance he would have seemed more normal than anyone else around, however peeking from under his collar and sleeves were a myriad of bandages wrapped around him in a mummy like fashion. “My name is Chad, and as you’ve probably gathered my upper body is wrapped in bandages. Don’t worry though it’s not because I’m hurt or anything. Actually I committed them to myself in the name of true bondage.”

He laughed a little bit. “Though I its not really true bondage, it only makes moving harder. It sucks that there’s no way to be completely immobilized and still get a good education.”

Finally the last stood with long green hair and gray eyes, confusing Andrea as to what gender it actually was. It was decidedly androgynous with a flat slender form, wearing oversized clothing in the form of a green sweater shirt with its sleeves ripped off and socks over it’s slender arms, cut at the bottom so its fingers could be free. It also wore baggy pants under a short plaid skirt and tennis shoes with no laces. It was silent for a moment as it considered Andrea curiously, reminding her slightly of a cat.

“I am named Infinity.” It sat back down looking at a notebook. “Oh… I am a male.”

“Wait, Infinity? Is that your real name?” Andrea asked.

“Actually it is, he doesn’t really talk to anyone much, none of us even know why he’s here. We’ve never asked him really.” Faye said.

“And it will remain that way if you all want to keep going to this school.” A young man in a white t-shirt and blue jeans walked in looking around the room importantly. “Ah yes Miss. Thomas, welcome to my class, I’m sure you were welcomed by your peers?”

“Yes they all introduced themselves.” Lillian took a seat in between Faye and Elle.

“Very good, my name is Les. Although if the Principle or another teacher happens to chance by its Mr. Perish, they’re not very prone to agreeing with my methods of teaching. Anyway welcome to your homeroom and the dead end of the school system. Now class, if you would take out your Physics Book and turn to page three hundred and eighty five, we will begin today’s lesson on mass and force.”

True to school fashion, the day began to drag on when classes officially started becoming a lulling procession that only Elle could truly appreciate. Although Andrea wasn’t one to neglect her studies entirely, she did have a tendency not to listen in class instead doing her work at home on her own terms. While it was not a process that made most teachers happy, they begrudgingly had to give her higher grades due to the fact that she did turn in her homework on time, and did do fairly well on tests.

Andrea stood up as the bell rang, grabbing her bag wearily. “What class is next?”

“Lunch, then P.E.” Elle said from behind her.

Her sarcastic side came through again. “Oh great I get to eat before I run around and strain my muscles, that could be just about the perfect line up of classes if I were bulimic.”

“Its not as revolting as you dictate.”

Being the new girl, Andrea followed Faye and Elle faithfully to the lunch room where they deposited into the cafeteria line. As it was a cafeteria, there was no way anyone could keep their conversations to themselves. Andrea was treated to the vilest rumors about her coming to the school; apparently it had been the talk of the day in the other classes. People were calling her a pervert, as well as a long list of other false charges. Blushing furiously she tried to blend with the crowd, crossing her arms across her stomach and keeping deathly still. She was sure she would have retreated into the fetal position if it would not draw any attention.

“Oh there he is!” Three girls carrying trays of food walked over to Andrea.

There comes a time in every person’s life when they meet their opposite, an arch enemy as it were. Andrea was sure that this was not that person, but if she had to choose she would be very close to a bitter enemy. Instantly Andrea knew that this girl was popular, popular girls always travel in packs. As well her general attire which consisted of a pink top and a short leather skirt along with sheer stockings and fancy felt boots gave off the general image that she cared more about her image than anything else. The two girls behind her didn’t differ very much in fashion, only color schemes. Andrea would have glared resentfully if the heavy cloud of perfume were not making her eyes sting horribly.

“Well girls he’s kind of cute, too bad about the dress.” She inclined her head toward the two others, her straight blonde hair moving naturally with a shimmering glow.

“I’m a girl.” Andrea insisted.

“Sure you are… I’d be fooled if I didn’t know you were actually a cross dressing freak, but don’t fret we’re not here to make fun of you or anything.”

“Could have fooled me.” Andrea was becoming slightly nauseous from their fetid odor. “Look, I’m trying to get some food; do you have anything constructive to say? Or are you going to stand here all day and regale me with your observations of my lifestyle?”

“You don’t have to be so rude.” The girl to her left snapped, her short red hair was layered and she seemed to prefer a green shirt and black skirt.

“Oh no, I would never dream of being rude.” Andrea seethed with a sarcastic tone. “I was just trying to gather a perspective about such interesting specimens as your selves, no harm meant.”

“Fine then, we’ll go eat our lunch. Have fun with the other freaks.” The leader of the pack turned around. “Come on Christine, Jill.”

Her posse glared at Andrea for a solid moment before turning to follow their fearless leader with puppy like loyalty. “Yes Claire.”

It took a moment before Andrea was even able to breathe again; even still she was silent until she had her tray of lunch. As it turned out, all of the throwaways usually had lunch outside. So Andrea followed her new acquaintances through the halls slowly, her mind fixated on the previous encounter with Claire and her bodyguards. As they all stepped outside her mind suddenly became more fascinated with the beauty of the area behind the school. A twisted oak tree and a old wooden picnic bench were the only things that obstructed her view from the green field.

“Andrea! Come eat with me.” Elle waved as she sat down against the tree’s trunk.

“Alright.”

Andrea sat next to her friend, unable to keep her eyes from the slowly rolling clouds above them for long. As they ate they all talked of pleasantries, their discussion having no known course but forward. For the first time in three months Andrea was able to truly let herself go as just a senior in high school. Though she didn’t say it to them, she was glad that she had been put in the same group as the throwaways because they actually thought of her as a girl. She believed herself blessed by their company, and found herself growing attached to each in one way or another.

[Kanji]

Chapter 3

“Hey does she do that to everyone?” Andrea inclined her head toward Elle.

“Huh? Who?”

Faye looked up from her novel. “Usually we’re just left alone; Claire was probably just inducting you as part of the lower echelon of society. Take my heed and give it no worry, to drive your self into a fevered state about such trivialities is not worth the hassle.”

“Still, she seemed to be a bit focused on making me feel bad. And the fact that I fought back must have added to it.” Andrea began to stab at what looked like mashed potatoes with the end of her plastic spork. “I mean what if I started something?”

Elle having had been lost throughout the conversation perked up finally. Shaking her fist in the air for dramatic effect, Elle declared loudly, “Bah, let the prissy bitch try something, I’ll having her begging for mercy within ten seconds.”

“Yea we’ve got your back Andrea, we wouldn’t leave one of our own behind.” Damien had been feeding Quinta after he had eaten his own lunch, sitting on the bench in such a way that he could reach down to his subservient that had been kneeling in the grass behind him.

“The Waters state that in good time all things come around. For every wrong there will be a right.” Peter looked up from his book as well, having barely touched his food.

Andrea thanked everyone for their kindness and ate the rest of her lunch in silence, her mind wrapping around the idea that perhaps everything would be alright. Though her mind could accept such logic, her gut could not and she eventually found herself back in worry. As the day progressed she began to calm down a little, and even managed to bid her new friends farewell with a cheerful disposition. As she walked home Andrea looked back on the day, knowing that it could have easily been worse than it had turned out.

The front door had a characteristic creak that sounded almost like a screeching bird, however when it closed it was silent. Throwing her bag on the couch, Andrea made way to the fridge and rummaged until she found a sports drink and began sipping at the near tasteless liquid as she walked back into the living room silently. As she began opening up her bag she heard a door slam from down the hallway and looked up to see her mother rushing toward the front door wearing a business dress with her blonde hair in a bun and blue eyes behind horned rim glasses. In her hand was a suitcase full of legal documents and clutched between her teeth was a pen.

When she saw her daughter she dropped the pen into her free hand, which fluidly pushed the item in her coat pocket. “Ah, Andrea, I’ve got some things I need you to sign, they’re on the counter. Name change and registration forms mostly, shouldn’t take but a couple of minuets.”

“How’s the hearing going?” Andrea stood up completely, rubbing her arm and looking at her mother with a pained expression.

Unfortunately her mother had lost some empathy in the rush of legal trivialities as of late, leaving Andrea with only clinical answers. “The hearing is going good, custody has been approved and we’re going over the finances today.”

“Oh.”

Quickly kissing her daughter on the forehead goodbye the woman left her daughter to her own devices, which as it turned out was a load of homework. Somehow it seemed carnally wrong to have so much work to do on her first day, but she was powerless to do anything about it. As well she couldn’t deny the fact that she had always liked doing homework despite to common conception of an American teenager being at all times wary of doing their assignments. She wasn’t a star student by any means, but she did manage to make good grades. Which suited her, as life in any form of the public eye would eventually lead to more drama than she had ever wanted.

It was nearly dinner time when she finished her homework, but before she began working on making food Andrea went over to the legal documents. The first few were easy enough, a resignation of her old name and status as a male, many more legally recognizing her as a female. As she continued she began to muse that the country was founded on Paperwork rather than hard work, which kept her signing until she came to a rather upsetting document.

‘If I sign this… Then that means he’s gone forever.’ She couldn’t bring herself to hate him, despite how his searing words hung in her ears.

“No way will I consider that fucking retarded fag son of mine a girl!”

Those words maintained their heat even as they carried down the cold hallway and into Andrea’s room as she covered herself in her sheets tears flowing from her face. Words like that had been assaulting her for the whole day, her mother desperately trying to soothe the mans rage. He would have none of it though; he had been ripped from his perfect reality, his son stolen from him by some twisted accident. He blamed his wife, he blamed his son, he even blamed the God whom he had previously exalted dutifully every Wednesday.

“Please, calm down, they’ve already confirmed it in her test. We can’t just keep her this way, it is not good for her health.”

“No! It’s not right! It’s not God’s will!”

It was slightly odd that he used god’s will as a crutch for his own preaching against Andrea’s condition, when she remembered so many Sunday services based around the idea that god was tolerant until someone directly invoked his wrath. At the time that was the furthest idea from Andrea’s mind as she was gripped with the immediate fear that she might be dead within the hour, and that somehow her fathers god would share the same spite for her that the man in the living room did.

Andrea came back to the realization that she had started to sign the document slowly: Ed

Taking the pen from the paper she quickly etched out the past in a block of black ink and signed the paper in her proper name. Setting down the final paper she finally got up from the stool near the counter and made way into the kitchen once more, stretching and going through an assortment of food items. She decided that spaghetti would be appropriate for her first day of school, though she secretly suspected that spaghetti was appropriate for everyday of school since it happened to be her comfort food. Without a moments heed she prepared the hardware, boiling a pot of water with a pinch of salt in it and taking out her necessary food items.

If there was one thing that Andrea enjoyed most in the world it was cooking, she had spent a countless amount of hours exploring recipe books and had even gone so far as to take internships at higher end restaurants in Boise. It was more about the mindless procession of preparing food than anything else, while working with her hands she was literally able to think about whatever she wanted. Which in most cases was nothing at all; Andrea enjoyed just becoming lost in the process of preparing food in general not having to worry about life around her. She supposed that many people had ways of doing this, and wondered if any of her new classmates were into their lifestyles because it was a way of escaping stress.

Determining finally that she wouldn’t know until she asked something, Andrea reasoned that she would ask Elle tomorrow when they hung out at the girl’s house. However at the moment she was far to starved by the aroma of fresh pasta to let her thoughts linger on the day, and without hesitation prepared a large portion for her self. Making way into the living room to watch television and eat, Andrea flopped onto the couch with some past dangling between her tomato encrusted lips as she surfed through the channels with her free hand settling on the food network to see some chef that was much more skilled than she. Without realizing it she began to fantasize about having her own cooking program, time escaping her as the theatrics of the kitchen on the television became her own life in her own mind.

Before long the screech of a wooden bird signaled her mothers entrance and Andrea inclined her head to gaze at the haggard woman. “Hey Mom, I cooked dinner, its warm in the oven.”

Smiling lightly after kicking off her heels the woman stumbled into the kitchen briefly returning with an opened wine cooler and a plate piled with Andrea’s concoction. Slumping into the couch next to her daughter she began to eat silently. They watched television together marking the only social interaction that had had in a while. Though she enjoyed the time together, Andrea couldn’t bring herself to talk to her mother much less open up her feelings. In a way she was sorry that she was putting her mother through hell, and really just wanted to make it better for the parent that loved her unconditionally enough to make that sacrifice.

“How was your day honey?” She finally asked leaning back and giving her daughter a brush on the cheek.

“It was alright…” She said despondently at first. “I met a lot of new people, they all seem pretty cool. I’m going over to a friend’s house tomorrow; I’ll take my cell phone with me.”

“That’s nice dear; I hope you have a good time.” She leaned over and kissed her Andrea.

Andrea decided that she wasn’t really up to talking about every thought that was scampering through her and kissed her mother good night and retired to her room. It wasn’t a necessarily dirty room; however it did have its fair share of clutter mostly in the way of cook books and old writings. In the back of her mind she knew that she would have to spend some time straightening up, but for the moment her bed was drawing her to its pillowed shores. She didn’t have the willpower to deny it and was soon shedding her clothes.

From the corner of her eye she caught herself in the mirror, her eyes drifting painfully away from her crotch toward the rest of the body. She had never been a feminine person in appearance, though she did have a thin and lithe enough body to pass herself off in unknown company as a normal girl. What she saw though was a wretched body that wouldn’t realistically even belong to a man, her mind warping her self image into twisted farces of her mental hindrances.

“You’re a beautiful rose… A dainty flower…” She recited as she walked away from the mirror and climbed into bed slowly drifting into sleep.

‘Flower.’

Andrea looked around the school yard with fear gnawing at the back of her mind; she supposed it had to do with the giant toilet that was hiding behind a tree. Handing her basket of flowers to a bandaged bear, she walked through waves of perfume toward the toilet. She wasn’t sure what she was wearing, every time she looked it was something different usually along the theme of chef’s wear though a few times it had been leotards or pink dresses. Akin to little red riding hood, the toilet jumped out from behind the tree as she approached sloshing sickly with blue water dribbling down its porcelain face.

“I have no gold stars.” Andrea said to it with a level gaze. “Can’t you get the pink one?”

“There is no Dana, only Zuul…” Its voice bubbled and trailed as she expected it would.

Andrea was a baby hanging from a window sill by the sleeve of her yellow sleeper, below her were the city streets filled with giant toilets going about their business as giant toilets usually do. She recalled that she should have been crying but was instead focused on a Christmas tree that shone brilliantly as it flew by her. Reaching for it caused the tree to fall out of the sky crashing to the earth where it was consumed instantly by fire. Despite wanting to scream and cry she couldn’t, she didn’t know why though.

“Because… If you cry you lose the game.”

“What?”

The bandaged bear was there picking at a bandage on one of his ears. “If you cry you lose the game.”

“But I’m winning… You’re cheating.”

“Only girls cry.” He said with uncharacteristic maliciousness.

Andrea fell to her toilet filled doom.

[Kanji]

Chapter 4

There was something slightly hollowing about the fact that she had begun to take a lot for granted when she had decided that wearing diapers full time was right for her. Somehow she had just never noticed the subtle changes to her life that allowed her some freedoms and some restraints. Recent events had caused Elise Farmer to reflect about everything she had subconsciously done to make her life in diapers a little more bearable. What stood out most in her mind was the fact that she had never given the toilet any thought, it was there but like anything inanimate it just escaped her notice unless she stubbed her toe on it. On the flip side she began to think more cautiously about her clothing styles, she wasn’t able to realistically wear short skirts or tight pants and shorts. Not that Elle was prone to wearing anything more sophisticated than a tee shirt and jeans.

Standing in front of the mirror in just a diaper and a bra, Elle faintly noticed that she wet as she probed her gaze perplexedly. Behind those green eyes that stared back at her vacantly was an athletic looking girl, a thin lithe frame that had been toned by years of fitness. At first glance she supposed someone would think her graceful and charismatic like many of her more shallow minded school mates pretended to be. However upon further inspection they would see the details carved into a stone body, innumerable strength hidden behind peach scented, baby soft skin.

Ceasing her clinical examination of her own body, Elle let the wet diaper drop to the tile floor of the bathroom and proceeded to unhook her bra. If she had been smart or aware enough she would have taken a moment to let the water in the shower run hot before taking off her clothes and exposing herself to the cold air. She wasn’t much in the position to care as she legged her way into the steaming stream and began to wash away the previous nights clinging filth. Among her diaper fetish was also something of a shower fetish, which could be seen visibly as she came alive in the warm jet. All of her senses piqued and she began to vigorously clean herself. Her mind became lost in the warmth only to emerge when she floated from the steaming maw.

“I am a goddess! An Aphrodite among mortals, no girl can compare to my beauty.” She spun around on one heel convinced that if her friends saw her like this there would be a considerable amount of laughter.

“Yes well the Goddess better come get a new diaper on before the Goddess has to scrub the floor.” Her mom had a twisted sense of parenting skills.

‘Then again, none of them are really that normal.’ Elle conceded heading into her room and expertly diapering herself before putting on the mornings clothing.

Her previous luster from the shower wore off and she walked lethargically into the kitchen and put a couple of slices of bread in the toaster before digging through fridge. It was amazing to her how well toast, cold hot dogs, and root beer went together at breakfast time. As well it amused her to see her mother making faces behind her coffee every time she looked up at her daughters eating habits. She was a no nonsense business woman who had long ago given up her dreams to support a family, and thusly had tempered herself into something that would give Andrea a run for her money in the arena of sarcasm. Her father however had dreams enough for the both of them, and often spent time in his study amidst old trophies and scattered papers.

“Honey? Do you have any plans for after school?” Mrs. Farmer had learned a while ago to confront her daughter’s despondence head on.

Looking up from her toast, Elle thought for a moment. “Yea… I invited a friend over after school.”

“Oh? Is it that Cult boy?” She gave a stern warning look to her daughter as if it had a chance of affecting the young girl.

“Peter? No, it’s the new girl. Her name is Andrea.” Elle answered before taking a bite of a hot dog.

Mrs. Farmer’s interest was piqued. “What makes this Andrea so special that she’s part of your group?”

“Hmmm… She’s an erm…” Elle was finding it decidedly hard to identify her friend without someone to tell her the actual term. “Trans... Transgender.”

“Ah yes, the one that has been all over the news, I’d very much like to meet her tonight. Do you think she would like to stay for dinner?”

“I don’t know mom, I just asked her to come over.”

“Fair enough.” She answered pertly. “Please try and ask her though. And dear?”

“Yea mom?” Elle was grabbing her backpack getting ready to head out the door.

“Please don’t forget.”

Being in her senior year of high school, Elle exemplified the outcast role by not having a car. Kuna was a farming community, as such it became necessary for teens to learn to drive at an early age if they were going to establish any independence from their parents. It wasn’t that Elle was somehow exempt from loathing her parents as social risks, just that she lived close enough to the school to walk. As well her interests outside of school were some what contained, diapers being a mobile experience and her others being seasonal. During said season she was able to coax her parents for use of one of the family cars, usually her fathers as he practically never left the house any way.

As anybody who knew anything about her might have guessed, Elle walked oblivious to the procession of students around her. They wouldn’t have it any other way, as they knew that if Elle was interested in them it would most likely mean bodily harm in some form or another. They were also too caught up in the thundering rumors surrounding the cross dresser that had just arrived at their school yesterday, it seemed that her name wasn’t far from anybodies lips, geek to jock everybody was talking about Andrea. Not since Infinity’s coming to the school had there been so much speculation by the student body, it probably didn’t help that Andrea had already been shown in the nightly news as some kind of deviant.

Andrea’s car keys dangled at the end of her index finger dancing as she walked toward the school, her mind wrapping around the previous nights experience. She nearly passed Elle up who was walking at her own pace; however she came out of her own thoughts as she nearly bumped into the girl wearing the Def Leopard t-shirt and black carpenters’ pants. Her fishnet arm socks were gone, replaced by a myriad of multi colored plastic bracelets on each wrist. In a comparative was completely different, preferring cute clothing over casual. She wore a sleeveless white top with a picture of Tinkerbelle on the front, as well as a brown pleated skirt with long white socks and red sneakers.

“Hey Elle.” Andrea hoisted her backpack as she matched pace with the other girl. She was of course met with an awkward silence. “Elle?”

“Huh? Oh hey Andrea, sorry I didn’t see you there.” She smiled. “Still coming over today?”

“No.”

“Oh.” Elle sank back into her own reality.

“Elle?” Andrea asked when she didn’t get any more of an answer. “Elle I was just kidding I am coming over later.”

Elle looked over to Andrea with a blank expression. “Oh, that’s good. Sorry, I’m just a bit tired.”

Andrea rolled her eyes. “So am I. I had the weirdest dream last night, and I can’t seem to shake it. Hell, I can’t even properly explain everything that happened in it, it was just so surreal.”

“Really, I had a dream that I was eating tacos last night and a giant moth attacked me, so I became a super hero and kicked his butt.”

“I’ll make sure to keep you in mind next time a giant moth attacks me.” Andrea mused.

“I see you two have decided to take leave of your mental faculties in order to encompass a insane ideal. Perhaps I was wrong to accept such unbalanced comrades.” Faye stood at the door of the school, with a half smoked cigarette in one hand and a closed book in the other. At her feet was her opened backpack in which she put the book.

“What’s she saying? I don’t speak any other languages.” Elle asked without the faintest hint of jest.

Andrea cast a look trying hard to decide if her friend was joking or not then decided to take another path entirely. “We were just talking about dreams Faye, Elle was talking about her fascination with eating tacos and fighting giant moths.”

“Ah yes the culmination of junk food and Godzilla movies are often lost to me.” Faye threw her cigarette on the ground and stomped it out before lifting her backpack around her shoulders. Much like Elle she wore mostly black though she was a bit more decorated, her black Ramones’ sweatshirt decorated with a myriad of safety pins, as well around her wrists were studded bracelets and her neck held a choker with an iron cross. “Anyway, if I’m correct in my assumption, the bell should be ringing within a couple of minutes. I would suggest that we make haste to our homeroom before the hall monitor decides to chastise us for no particular reason.”

“Our hall monitor is a bitch…” Elle breathed angrily before becoming listless again.

“Yes well, there is really not much else for a fifty something widow to do then prey on the unsuspecting youth that she thinks is going to lead our great country into an age of apocalyptic chaos.”

Talk would have turned to politics, but before they could get any further in the conversation the bell set off its loud call like Faye had predicted. Melding into the crowd of late students, the three girls made it down the hall to their class that used to be a janitors room. Everyone was there and sitting oddly enough in different desks, though Andrea supposed it made sense that Mr. Perish wasn’t much for order. Taking their seats they pulled out their science books as Les walked into the room running his fingers through his sandy blonde hair and looking over the room with a certain satisfaction. He greeted everyone in a friendly manner and started the lesson in a no nonsense fashion.

The second day of school, much like the first drug on for what seemed like eternity, Andrea just couldn’t wait to get out and finally have some social interaction for the first time in three months. Unlike the first day however, there were no experiences with other students between classes, and Andrea wasn’t as paranoid as she should have been. She knew that wherever she went there were going to be enemies, people who didn’t understand and didn’t want to understand. However she didn’t have enough time in her short life span to worry constantly about them, she wasn’t going to spend her time going from battle to battle.

As they finally left the school grounds with backpacks heavier than when they had arrived, Andrea faintly realized that she had her car keys twirling around her index finger again. She liked driving, almost as much as she did cooking. It wasn’t that she was big into street racing or anything, just that being behind the wheel was an exercise in letting go of all worries while maintaining awareness. She had worked hard to get her car, and had landed a good price on a nineteen ninety five Honda civic. Of course she had to drive it with a bit more caution than usual because her new driver’s license hadn’t even arrived yet.

“Where’s your car, I’ll follow you to your house.” Andrea put her key in the door of the little red civic.

“Don’t have one.” Elle shrugged.

“Oh, well get in and you can show me to your house.”

“Alright… But there better not be any wannabe music in there.” Elle pointed to her shirt. “I don’t wear these only because I’m a fashion disaster.”

“It’s alright Elle, I’m an avid fan of classic rock, though right now one of my alternative bands are in the cd player.” Andrea climbed into the car and started it to the lyrical qualities of a rather unknown band.

As it turned out the music preference didn’t much matter as the ride to Elle’s house was a bit shorter than one song could chronicle. Andrea was led into an orderly domain kept in tact with clean surfaces and little to no clutter. She would have commented if she hadn’t of had the foresight that Elle was currently off in her own world. In their short time as friends Andrea was quickly learning that she would have to not only practice patience with Elle, but practically exude it.

Making way down a hallway they found themselves in Elle’s room which was characteristically decorated with old concert posters from various rock bands. Despite her daunting interest in classic rock, Andrea’s eyes were drawn to a Winter Olympics poster from 2002. It displayed the woman’s figure skating competition, a mural of familiar faces from the events. It was a surprising twist of character for Elle to be interested in anything but loud old music and generally being oblivious to the rest of the world.

“I’ve got to go change.” Elle said in a matter of fact term, grabbing a diaper from the top of her dresser and heading into the hallway. “Make yourself at home. Oh, by the way, would you like to stay for dinner tonight?”

“Yes, I would like that very much.” Andrea smiled sitting on the disarrayed bed. “Thanks for inviting me over Elle.”

“Huh… Oh yea, no problem.” She disappeared down the hallway.

[Sunshine2585]

I am liking this, and am looking forward to hearing what happens next.

[the diaper mike]

more plz

[onsie]

I think you're a fine writer, and look forward to more.

[Andy]

i have to agree. it is a very nice story and i am pretty fascinated by it. I look forward to following parts.

Just one thing for me to understand the story better. my mother language isn't english and i´m into re-learning by teaching myself. I hope you don't mind if I ask.

What is a moth ?

Is 'brush her cheek' a phrase for 'stroking gently' or similar?

[SoCalGav]

You are a fine writer, but the content doesn't suit my personal tastes.

[Kanji]

i have to agree. it is a very nice story and i am pretty fascinated by it. I look forward to following parts.

Just one thing for me to understand the story better. my mother language isn't english and i´m into re-learning by teaching myself. I hope you don't mind if I ask.

What is a moth ?

Is 'brush her cheek' a phrase for 'stroking gently' or similar?

A moth, is a bug, typically it eats cloth and lives in humid enviroments.

It depends, I mean I could actually use a hair brush on said her's cheek and that would hurt. But the action of stroking someone is called "brushing." Though the action of brushing can be described in many ways, I could brush someone hard or soft. 'Brushing her cheek' basically just means running a hand across her cheek.

[Andy]

thank you for the reply. It makes more sense to me now.

oh before i forget it i should notice it somewhere

please go on with the story. it is really nice

cheers

[Double Z]

You suck! Stop writing before I get a brain tumor!

Wonderful story so far, I really hope you continue it. I especially like how you've given all of your characters good, mostly believable quirks. The cultist, bondage guy, and dom person are a bit out there (in order from least to most out there), but not in the bad way.

[lil_kitty]

i'm really enjoying this, it's different to alot of the typical stuff you see here. keep writing dammit!

[Kanji]

i'm really enjoying this, it's different to alot of the typical stuff you see here. keep writing dammit!

Artists need time for free expression and self indulgence...

Slave driver. <_>

[Frink]

*pulls out the whip* >

[Molly Deer]

Great story, I really am enjoying it, so far! So what's taking so long with the rest of it?? Haven't you finished it yet? Good grief, Get to it, Finish writing it, PLEASE!!!

I think you are a good writer, and the content is enjoyalbe, not like the majority of the stories I have read since I discovered these AB/DL web sites. Please continue.

Molly Deer

[Kanji]

((Yeesh that was alot of replies, I didn't think anyone was actually reading this. Thanks guys I finally got the will to write stories on this forum back up because of all of you. There's hope yet that the community might not be totally consumed with redundancy. As well, there's a reason why I haven't been writing fast, as it turns out I'm not planning out ahead of time though I am foreshadowing a bit. I'm writing because this is what I feel like, Andrea is a internal representation of my confusion, so when I'm not feeling confused she doesn't blossom very well in my imagination... Go figure.))

Chapter 5

“Could you pass the mashed potatoes please?” Andrea was still nervous, both of Elle’s parents were giving her strange looks for one reason or another.

“Of course dear.” Mrs. Farmer passed the plastic bowel to Andrea, waiting as she scooped some of the insubstantial mess onto her plate. “So I hear your first day was yesterday, how do you like the school so far?”

“Its nice, I made friends fast enough.” Andrea smiled, taking a bite of her food quickly to avoid conversation.

Andrea knew who Elle took after; her mother was matriarchal, wearing a business savvy dress that could be seen on many lawyers or other jobs where impressions were as necessary as skill. She had her hair back in a bun, black hair and green eyes all fixed to give a impression of dominance, which probably meant she was in corporate business. Kuna wasn’t known for big business, most people were farmers or in some kind of service. However Boise which was only about half an hour away was all controlled by one company: Micron, a world known Micro Technologies developer. There were other companies around Boise that would have had the big business appeal, but they were the most notable.

Elle’s father was the flipside to her mother, confirming the very idea that not only do opposites attract, but also procreate and raise a family. Not only did he have messy black hair and blue eyes that watched Andrea with intense, albeit uncomforting interest. He wasn’t exactly a slob, rather he was kempt he just seemed worn; wearing an old ragged tee-shirt, dirty jeans and no shoes or socks. As well his face was full of stubble, despite being an unshaven mess he was a bit more polite and sociable than his wife. However he seemed to drift off as he talked and would think aloud at random intervals in time.

Andrea looked to Elle to be saved from her staring parents, but of course was met by Elle off in her own world eating her chicken while staring out the window into the black night. Turning back she continued to eat hoping to go through the whole dinner without having to say a word. Though it was only a hope, and logic dictated as a guest in their house she would end up having to undergo a proverbial game of twenty questions. It tormented her that she was going to be forced into a social arena with people she barely knew and her back up drifting away in some fantastic world only she could exist in. At that instant as she was chewing on a piece of broccoli, Andrea knew what it was like to be an ant under the magnifying glass.

“Its interesting, Elise didn’t tell us much about you so you can surmise that what we know is what we got off the news. So I’m sorry if we say something wrong around you Andrea.” Mrs. Farmer apologized.

Andrea smiled nervously. “Its alright, I never wanted to be the poster child of the community for Transgenderism, but I guess they all needed something to cling to. So I got used to explaining myself to others. I don’t mind if they don’t understand so long as they still view me as whom I am, not what I am.”

Elle’s father smiled dipping his fork into some of his food looking up at Andrea before taking a bite of the chicken. “People often cling to ideas, even when classifying themselves. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I can see where you’re coming from.”

Andrea could only nod as she ate the somewhat tasteless chicken; she had always hated the bird. It wasn’t that she hated the way it tasted; she hated the logistics surrounding the bird. Poultry was one of the cheapest meats available in supermarkets, as such modern American families’ shirked variety for three or four nights of having chicken for dinner. Andrea had grown up hating the endless loop that the meat had snatched her in to the point of demanding that her family tried to have chicken only once a week. Though she supposed she had all the executive decisions now in her household as her mother barely ever went shopping anymore and her dad was the one who had taught her how to cook in the first place.

Thankfully, Mrs. Farmer didn’t pursuit the conversation any longer. “So Andrea, what are your hobbies? What would you like to do when you get out of school?”

“Well, I’m not sure what I want to do with my life yet. But I like to cook, though that’s more of a stress reliever anymore then a viable career path.”

“A cook? Wow, maybe I should have had you prepare dinner tonight.” Mrs. Farmer chuckled.

Andrea giggled, making sure not to fully laugh as she had been taught in voice training classes. “Well maybe one day I’ll have you all over for dinner at my house, then I you can critique my horrible cooking.”

Elle looked up from her plate. “It can’t be horrible if you like to do it.”

Mr. Farmer nodded. “That’s right, anything that you’re willing to spend a lot of time doing can’t be all bad. I bet you’re a great cook Andrea.”

“Thank you very much.”

Dinner proceeded much like that, making small talk and getting to know each other more. Though Elle barely made any conversation, Andrea had gained a certain appreciation for her friend through the hospitality of her parents. It wasn’t hard to gather that Elle’s parents were supportive of their daughter in many different ways. It also helped her a little bit to see a family that worked despite their obvious differences, it gave her hope that maybe one day she would be able to have a family that supported her.

Back in Elle’s room they had started listening to the local classic rock radio station as Elle casually dropped her pants and sat on the bed in just a diaper. Andrea never really understood why Elle was so nonchalant about showing off her diaper. Though in a way she shouldn’t have really been surprised, Elle had a certain style to the way she did things. It was as if somehow the rest of the world did not matter to her, that while they might have been there she could exist without them. Still, Andrea was confused as to why Elle was so enamored with the idea of wearing and using diapers well past the general potty training age.

“Hey Elle, weren’t you going to tell me about why you wear diapers?” Andre sat next to her on the bed leaning back against the wall and smoothing out her skirt.

“I was?”

“Yea don’t you remember yesterday, you told me that I should come over so you could tell the story?”

“Oh yea.” Elle leaned against the wall too thinking for a moment as she listened to her music. “Well, it is actually quite a simple story; I’m called a Diaper Lover. In which I like to wear diapers and use them, basically making them a stress reliever. There are a few people who make it into a sexual thing, but for the most part its just horny guys being horny guys. There’s also another branch to the whole idea of Diaper Lover which is called Adult Baby, or Teen Baby depending on your view. That’s where you find relief in regressing into a baby like state, in that form diapers tend not to be the focus over the actions involved with it like drinking from a bottle and being taken care of and stuff.”

“So it just makes you feel good?” Andrea was still a bit confused, there had to be more to it than that.

“Yea that’s about it.” Elle looked over at her friend. “I don’t really know why I do it really; I could do a whole bunch of psychological explanations or blame my parents. In the end though it would just be bullshit, all I know is right now at this very moment, diapers appeal to me.”

“I guess that makes sense, maybe I’m just over thinking it.”

Elle laughed. “Yea, you can’t really expect to wrap your brain around something so mind numbingly simple as diapers. It’s really just emotionally driven, which is probably why some people find it sexual.”

Deep down, Andrea couldn’t really figure out how she felt about diapers. She had always been a more logical person, so exploring her feelings was always hard. Though for some reason she couldn’t help but think that something in her subconscious was connecting to the idea of diapers. “How do they feel?”

“Huh?”

Andrea had obviously lost Elle’s attention in her short bout of thought. “The diapers, how do they feel?”

“Oh, well it’s kind of hard to explain; it’s kind of like wearing a blanket. Warm and concealing would be the best words for it I guess.”

“A portable Sanctuary?” Andrea grinned.

“Yea actually, that’s a good way of putting it.” Elle looked down at hers then back up at Andrea. “Would you like to try one?”

Andrea thought for a moment, perhaps wearing one would better resolve her earlier thoughts. “Yes, that would be alright.”

Elle nodded and got off the bed grabbing a diaper from her dresser and handing it to Andrea. “You can change in the bathroom.”

“Thanks Elle.”

Locking the door behind her before turning on the lights Andrea caught herself in the mirror, blonde hair pulled back with a hair band while her hazel eyes stared back at her with a criticizing gaze. Despite how hard she tried she just could not see the girl in the mirror, only a brittle porcelain mask. Shying away from it before she became depressed by the way she looked, Andrea put the diaper on the counter before starting to undo her skirt.

Second thoughts hit her like a blow to the face, and she stared at the diaper for a moment considering it. There was really no reason for her to want to wear it; she was just trying to find out how it felt. She didn’t really think that was a good enough reason to wear it, there had to be more to it than that. Andrea wasn’t like Elle, she wasn’t impulsive she thought out things before doing them. There had only ever been one case in which she had ever truly felt that something was supposed to be part of her with all her being. And that was the only reason she was standing in the bathroom of her friend staring at a diaper on the counter.

“If I’m going to do this, I need to figure out why first.”

Andrea grabbed up the diaper and left the bathroom. When she returned to Elle’s room she set it back on the dresser and climbed back onto the bed looking at her friend who had zoned out the rest of the world, lost in an old rock song. She didn’t mind, she was lost in her own thoughts trying to figure out how she felt about the idea of wearing diapers. If it really did appeal to her she couldn’t for the life of her find it. However something inside her was resonating with the idea, a subconscious wave that she couldn’t identify.

“I chickened out.” Andrea said finally.

“That’s alright, let’s go play video games.” Elle got off her bed and turned off her radio, the love song tuning out into silence at her command.

‘Flowers and weeds, both have roots.’ It was a random thought, but she was sure it would lead somewhere eventually.

[Sunshine2585]

I like that Andrea isn't just rushing into it, and is instead taking her time. I hope that there isn't such a big gap of time before you post the next chapter though.

[the diaper mike]

more plz

[Kanji]

Chapter 6

Darkness from the temperate outside breathed into the still, sterile darkness inside as the door let out its characteristic squeak. Andrea had never stayed out as late as she just had, which wasn’t surprising considering she had never really had that many friends to begin with. While silent and often distant, Elle provided something for Andrea that no one had ever provided before. It was the unconditional friendship that had strengthened their bond so quickly. She was sure that others in her group were going to provide something close to the same experience, though none would ever hold such a dear place in her heart as Elle did.

Stepping on the back of her shoes and slipping her feet out of them, Andrea silently knelt down and picked up the sneakers walking in just her socks to her room. It was too late for her to do anything but disrobe and climb into bed. She didn’t even bother to think about the daym she was far too tired. Instead she opted to close her eyes and slowly drift into a deep sleep. It wasn’t long before she let her conscious sail away toward the horizon, faintly hoping that it would return in the morning.

At first it was raining in her living room in the middle of the street, the chilling water running down the nape of her neck and other various curves on her body. Her gaze was on her body, the Venus that she was meant to be greeted her. It was a pity that she was going to die in the cold rain though. She looked up to greet the cold tears of the sky she saw that they were instead pine needles crashing down into her skin. Turning away quickly she ran out of the living room and down the buckled broken street, filled with cracked porcelain and various other random items.

“Stop cheating.”

Andrea turned to see him standing there, a young blonde boy wiping his nose on the verge of tears. She knew him, but at the same time disavowed his existence entirely.

“Edward.”

“No son of mine.” From behind the boy a man appeared, a strong man who could easily be seen as an Adonis.

“Edward.”

“He’s no son of mine either.” Andrea found herself saying turning away from her self. “He’s NO ONE! ONE WON WOM WOM WOM WOM WOM!”

Andrea jolted out of sleep, hands pushing through her blonde locks as she gazed wide eye at her bed sheets, cold sweat running down the nape of her neck and arms. Deftly turning off her alarm clock before it caused her more earsplitting pain, Andrea sat in her bed for a moment before lulling herself back into fragile self security. As always after her one burst of deftness she fell back into the drowsiness, throwing off her covers and grumbling as she stumbled into the bathroom to wash away her tiredness. As she showered she was plagued with trying to remember what she had dreamed, haunted by something she couldn’t even recall. However she could not hold onto it long as she began to melt back into conscious thought in the warm water. Finally she emerged, invigorated from her shower ready to face another rough and tumble day at school.

Of course, her mom had already gone when she came back out of her room dressed and ready, off to deal with work and more legalities of having a divorce and a transgender daughter in a purely conservative community. While she would have enjoyed cooking breakfast, there was a certain time constraint that needed to be observed which was thankfully alleviated by having pop-tarts in the pantry. Andrea had always referred to the mass produced treats as ‘college food’ as they were cheap and easy to prepare. She had come up with a list of food that she would most likely be buying when she went to college.

She was already dreading it.

Of course her palette was a little more advanced than the average college students, by merit of learning how to cook. In fact, she was eagerly waiting for the summer when she could go back to Boise and possibly get a real job as a cook where she had interned last summer. Of course they would all be surprised; it wasn’t often that someone suddenly changed gender out of the blue. Despite her feelings and anxiety about the more than awkward situation, she would take it head on like she had resolved to do since the beginning.

Her keys sang to her as she grabbed them out of her backpack and walked to her little red Honda. The drive to school was as short as ever, however she had to fight for a parking space and walk quite a distance to the halls that had housed her for a paltry amount of time. As she walked she began to think that someone was watching her, which was probably true. News had spread like wildfire whether Andrea had wanted it to or not. Without a second glance she noted that a few of her peers indeed were jeering in her general direction, whispering to each other, laughing, pointing.

By the time she finally made it inside she was holding her head nursing a self inflicted headache from all the things she thought might have been said about her. Pushing her hair out of her eyes she looked up, standing still in the middle of a busy hallway, deciding where to go. Finally she decided that it would probably be a good idea to get some water before the headache progressed into something that would really ruin her day.

The Cafeteria was all but empty, it usually offered breakfast to the students, but with most the student body living close to the school or having to get up as early as five in the morning anyhow most just prepared breakfast at home. The silence of the grand room was almost deafening as she walked across the linoleum floor, the soles of her sneakers clicking rhythmically. A few straggling students sat at empty tables lacquered with various books and papers in front of them, pouring over last minute studies as they glanced nervously at the clock.

“Excuse me.” Andrea called to the cook as she walked up to the serving area.

The plump woman turned with a surprised smile. “Oh hello dear, I’m sorry I was just starting up lunch early. Can I get something for you?”

“Ah yes, I was wondering if I could get a bottle of water.” Andrea asked politely.

“Yes you may, let me fetch one for you.” She scurried off behind a divider out of view.

Andrea enjoyed the smells of the kitchen while she waited, her eyes glazing over as she looked at all the cookware, identifying its uses. Even if it was cooking for an army of students, Andrea still found the release from stress that came with it. She was beginning to nurse the thought of going behind the counter and chopping up some chives for the mashed potatoes that were being made when the plump lady returned with a bottle of water.

Setting it on the counter she punched some numbers into the register. “Alright that will be a bank breaking fifty cents.”

Subconsciously Andrea went for her back pocket when she realized that she wasn’t wearing pants to carry a wallet in anymore. Instead she reached into a side pocket of her backpack and pulled out her wallet retrieving the money and handing it to the lady. She got her water and left the cafeteria, unscrewing the plastic cap and drinking the supposedly fresh spring water. She didn’t like the idea of paying for water, but at the same time she wouldn’t be caught dead drinking from water fountains in any public place. She became lost in thought as she drank away the beginnings of a headache, half heartedly navigating the busy hallways until the bell sounded the hurried scramble of students to their first class.

“Hey! Watch it!” A girls voice yelled out as Andrea was forced back a step.

“Oh I’m sorry; I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

It was Claire, without her posses she looked rather out of place, but she still had an air about her that said that she was better than everyone else. “You’re right, you are sorry and you weren’t watching where you were going. Maybe you should watch where you’re going, or are you convinced that you’re also blind?”

“No I’m pretty sure it was that vile order that caused me temporary vision loss, what is it Ode De Landfill?” Andrea nearly avoided saying a scathing remark.

Only nearly though.

“Tch, you boys just don’t understand what I go through to make you happy; this is a top of the line pheromone boosting perfume.” She retorted.

Andrea couldn’t help but smirk. “It isn’t working; I’m as turned off as ever.”

“Yea, like I’d want some freaky cross dresser to follow me around anyway.” She waved Andrea off as she passed by.

“Its alright, I wouldn’t want to follow around a shallow bitch anyhow.” Andrea muttered brushing herself off and avoiding the heated stares of onlookers. She wasn’t really in the best social position to be fighting back against the more popular caste in the school, still she wasn’t really one to roll over and die.

As she finished brushing herself off the bell rang and the halls quickly emptied as the lemmings hurried in a pack to their various scholastic dooms. Hoisting her backpack, Andrea sighed and made her way to her own windowless homeroom ready to face another day of monotony. As she suspected all her classmates were in Les’s room when she entered, however the teacher himself was nowhere to be seen. It seemed he always showed up well after the bell rang.

“Hey Andrea.” Faye looked up from her book as Andrea entered.

Andrea smiled and took her seat. “Hey Faye, what’re you reading?”

“The Three Musketeers, Mr. Alexander Dumas’s epic about D'Artagnan and his three comrades.”

“Porthos, , Athos and Aramis.” Andrea recited.

“Oh you’ve read it?” Faye asked canting her head to the side.

“Admittedly no.” Andrea scratched the back of her head nervously. “When I was a child me and my mom would watch old movies, and I got to watch it.”

“Oh I see.” Faye smiled. “It’s a very well done movie.”

“I know. And I had a crush on Aramis…” Andrea admitted with a blush.

Faye could only giggle pushing her dyed hair out of the way as the door opened and Les sauntered in with a book. He still wore a simple colored tee shirt and a pair of jeans; he seemed more like an older student than a Science teacher. He always had a laid back air about him, as though he didn’t really have much to get worked up about. Andrea supposed that’s why he was chosen to act as the homeroom teacher of the various outcasts of the community.

“Good morning you youthful lot and exuberant lot, ready to face the day all bright eyed and bushy tailed.” He jested to the groggy room.

“Sure, as long as the day consists of naptime after lunch.” Andrea smirked.

“Seriously.” Damian piped in. “I miss preschool.”

“You miss preschool, as I seem to recall you were the kid who always made the most noise when it came to naptime, you wouldn’t even stay on your cot.” Faye leaned back.

“Hey! Damn it Faye! Why do you always got to be hating on me like that girl?!”

Faye rolled her head back to look at him with a smile. “I’m sure that you’ll be able to understand why I find it necessary to tease you when you get older and wiser Lalo.”

“It’s Damian!” He protested.

“Slipped my mind.” Faye smirked.

“Alright guys, enough banter, lets get to work.” Les instructed them to get out their books.

Elle suddenly looked up from her daze to Andrea. “Oh hey Andrea! You left your beret at my house last night.”