Little Side Has A Mind Of It'S Own?

[curiositykilledthecat]

what nobody else wants to give any input? This thread was going so well too. Was this too deep?

[Little Faerie]

Will add input when I am finished analyzing what I want to say. I have some complex issues relevant to the subject matter but i'm always very cautious about discussing it with others. After seeing negative reactions people can have, I'm sure you understand that. However, I will say that internal argument, for example over whether or not to pick up the cookie monster toy, is a pretty normal thing. Including talking to yourself where nobody can hear you. It's an externalization of conflict within yourself of your inner desires with the conscious accepted norms which everyone places on themselves to function in everyday adult life, to fit in societally, etcetera. Everybody I've ever known does it, whether it be your little side fighting with your adult side, a person's more underlying flamboyant tendencies trying to overpower their ordinarily plain or conservative style of dress, or even whether or not to eat that last piece of chocolate. Rest assured, it's not a symptom of DID. Just normal processes

[Luci Vaughn]

Forewarned is forearmed: What I say may be convoluted, confusing, and down right fucked up. If you have any questions, feel free to ask

Bear in mind that I've not had this diagnosed, but I believe I used to suffer DID. My theory is that the combination of a father who went to Korea for three or four years & a suicidally depressed mother, coupled with associations with unstable individuals, led to the beginnings of my multiple personality fun. I remember almost none of this, but have had it told to me by my parents. I'm not sure if it was DID because there were only three of us in this body, but almost all of the symptoms sync up with what I've gone through.

The first personality was a gunslinger by the name of Dakkon Gunmaster (not terribly original, the last name). He was a very honorable man, and very physically imposing. He'd offer guidance and advice to H (the birth personality), but H was quickly becoming unglued, and was also developing some disturbing personality traits. This is about the time I came to be. Originally, I was supposed to be the happy-go-lucky persona, the one who was weird but in a fun way. Then we/Harland (still not sure about this one) fell in love, and the shit hit the fans not too

long afterwards. I don't remember the summer before the senior year of high school, but I'm pretty sure that we were all dead. I don't ken if it's truly possible for every personality to die within a body, but that's the only explanation for what happened. What I do remember is that I started the senior year of high school, and I was all alone. And I was a woman.

Now, before anyone decides that my being trans has to do with a mental illness, I believe that, even if there had been no severe mental illness, that some kind of gender change would have occured anyway. He/I might have been genderqueer/genderfluid/etc, but I think that it was never the design of this mind and body to be male. Moving on lol.

After a complete mental breakdown, also while dating psycho gf (if you want/need particulars, PM me), I came to grips with who and what I am. Even after being relatively sane/normal (for lack of a better word), I would talk to my lover "Sarah" and she would answer me. She, of course, was only in my head. I think that might have slid down into something bad, but I managed to get it under control.

(side note: It's really hard to write serious content while listening to Dethklok lol)

Fast foward to now, and my discovery of my love for the ABDL lifestyle. I recently went to see Toy Story 3, and had to kill some time before the movie started. I went over to the Books-a-Million because I wanted to buy little Luci some crayons and a coloring book. While I was in the store, I found myself talking to little Luci and responding to her in mommy mode. Things like, "I've got you some crayons here, now let's see if we can find something for Mommy". Or, "You can either candy or popcorn, but you can't have both; you'll end up with a tummy-ache." Admittedly, I let her have a large Cherry Coke, which wasn't the best thing a Mommy can do lol.

I'd noticed before that, when little Luci came forward, that it wasn't so much a conscious regression, but more of a separate person. I think that this may be DID again, but without the negative issues that accompanied the previous occurance. It seems to be divided into threes again (I see the number three as a number of power [read too many fantasy books lol]); big Luci, little Luci, and adolescent Luci. Each personality has its own wants and desires, and may in fact be parts of the whole that is Luci (me ).

It is my opinion/somewhat observation that those with dissociative tendencies can develop personalities from their regressions, and that it most likely does not have any negative impact on their lives; as long as the individual is able to spend time catering to the personalities. If they have to suppress the personality/personalities, then I think it can lead to severe psychological issues.

~Luci

P.S. - This was from the churning stew of my brain, so feel free to call bullshit on it if you so desire.

[underwhere]

Fascinating conversation.

I don't really have much to contribute, but I am always eager to read about how other people look at their own psychological makeup. I do believe that my own has something to do with my desires here.

Some day, I hope to be able to have some AB experiences not limited to just myself, but I do know this: Being an adult can be very confusing and very strenuous on me. Many of the social rules of adultness don't make sense to me, especially the one where you are supposed to say hello to people you recognise. I never have been able to recognise people since I had a brain injury and six week coma stint at the nage of 16 months. As a result, I've always felt either much younger or much older than my peers. Any time I have to actively find somebody, I get very little very fast, and it is never a pleasant experience for me.

I played a game of charades a few months ago and drew a card for "confused". I have lots of experience with that word, so was able to communicate it very quickly and effectively. The important thing for this conversation is that when I feel confused, I feel very little.

True, my adult side is in control because of the coping strategies I have learned to employ, but internally, that does not change how I feel about the experiences. I've written in my blog here about some of what I am hoping to find in my explorations into the ABDL world. Certainly, the idea of dissociating is very appealing to me.

I guess thats all I can really say for now. I may try to add more later if I have additional thoughts.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Forewarned is forearmed: What I say may be convoluted, confusing, and down right fucked up. If you have any questions, feel free to ask

Bear in mind that I've not had this diagnosed, but I believe I used to suffer DID. My theory is that the combination of a father who went to Korea for three or four years & a suicidally depressed mother, coupled with associations with unstable individuals, led to the beginnings of my multiple personality fun. I remember almost none of this, but have had it told to me by my parents. I'm not sure if it was DID because there were only three of us in this body, but almost all of the symptoms sync up with what I've gone through.

The first personality was a gunslinger by the name of Dakkon Gunmaster (not terribly original, the last name). He was a very honorable man, and very physically imposing. He'd offer guidance and advice to H (the birth personality), but H was quickly becoming unglued, and was also developing some disturbing personality traits. This is about the time I came to be. Originally, I was supposed to be the happy-go-lucky persona, the one who was weird but in a fun way. Then we/Harland (still not sure about this one) fell in love, and the shit hit the fans not too

long afterwards. I don't remember the summer before the senior year of high school, but I'm pretty sure that we were all dead. I don't ken if it's truly possible for every personality to die within a body, but that's the only explanation for what happened. What I do remember is that I started the senior year of high school, and I was all alone. And I was a woman.

Now, before anyone decides that my being trans has to do with a mental illness, I believe that, even if there had been no severe mental illness, that some kind of gender change would have occured anyway. He/I might have been genderqueer/genderfluid/etc, but I think that it was never the design of this mind and body to be male. Moving on lol.

After a complete mental breakdown, also while dating psycho gf (if you want/need particulars, PM me), I came to grips with who and what I am. Even after being relatively sane/normal (for lack of a better word), I would talk to my lover "Sarah" and she would answer me. She, of course, was only in my head. I think that might have slid down into something bad, but I managed to get it under control.

(side note: It's really hard to write serious content while listening to Dethklok lol)

Fast foward to now, and my discovery of my love for the ABDL lifestyle. I recently went to see Toy Story 3, and had to kill some time before the movie started. I went over to the Books-a-Million because I wanted to buy little Luci some crayons and a coloring book. While I was in the store, I found myself talking to little Luci and responding to her in mommy mode. Things like, "I've got you some crayons here, now let's see if we can find something for Mommy". Or, "You can either candy or popcorn, but you can't have both; you'll end up with a tummy-ache." Admittedly, I let her have a large Cherry Coke, which wasn't the best thing a Mommy can do lol.

I'd noticed before that, when little Luci came forward, that it wasn't so much a conscious regression, but more of a separate person. I think that this may be DID again, but without the negative issues that accompanied the previous occurance. It seems to be divided into threes again (I see the number three as a number of power [read too many fantasy books lol]); big Luci, little Luci, and adolescent Luci. Each personality has its own wants and desires, and may in fact be parts of the whole that is Luci (me ).

It is my opinion/somewhat observation that those with dissociative tendencies can develop personalities from their regressions, and that it most likely does not have any negative impact on their lives; as long as the individual is able to spend time catering to the personalities. If they have to suppress the personality/personalities, then I think it can lead to severe psychological issues.

~Luci

P.S. - This was from the churning stew of my brain, so feel free to call bullshit on it if you so desire.

Ironically all this in my own life has begun to surface while dating a psycho....(okay not psycho, just unstable) I seem to have absolute shit luck with finding stable friends.

I only know of my little side and I'm not sure how to describe that, almost like he's semi-independent. I don't black out, however it's something that feels seperate but part of me. If I have multiples they have not chosen to clearly reveal themselves to me, so until such time, I consider myself a singlet or as DW calls me a Duplate. I have other emotional issues, however by the grace of God and much Trial and Error I have been able to keep myself together for as long as I have. This relationship I am in has been very taxing and pushing my limits, which in a way is good, since I can see where I need tro grow and what I need out of others.