Square Peg In A Round Hole

[squashNstretch]

For the record, I find the AB's I've met in real life MUCH more socially adjusted and fun that on the forums. No offense to forum people, but there is way more... drama and lameness and just douchebaggery than once you peel the anonymity away from it all.

[Carl2229]

But it seems I really can't meet people through the net in this community

I notice that in your profile you list your location as "behind my laptop." I understand the need for maintaining anonymity, but I think that this is counterproductive when it comes to meeting people. You don't have to list your location as 123 Main St, Anytown, USA, but a general idea of where you are in the world will open up all sorts of possibilities for you. If you list a general location, others in that vicinity have more incentive to contact you and become your friend. You have something in common. Then, if you decide you meet in person, there is a connection and a proximity. It is a great door opener. Try it, you might like it.

[Snugglebug]

So if a vehement dyed in the wool racist went to a black neighborhood, the best way for him to fit in would be to express himself? I don't know that I can buy that to be honest with you. Life isn't about effort or consolation prizes, it's about results. I think that the idea that 'if you just be yourself the world will love you' is some feel good BS that was sold to us by the TV.

Being himself, a vehement dyed in the wool racist wouldn't BE in a black neighborhood, at least not alone.

[waynecook52]

I notice that in your profile you list your location as "behind my laptop." I understand the need for maintaining anonymity, but I think that this is counterproductive when it comes to meeting people. You don't have to list your location as 123 Main St, Anytown, USA, but a general idea of where you are in the world will open up all sorts of possibilities for you. If you list a general location, others in that vicinity have more incentive to contact you and become your friend. You have something in common. Then, if you decide you meet in person, there is a connection and a proximity. It is a great door opener. Try it, you might like it.

Heck Carl i have had my home town on my profile ever cince i joined these diaper chat rooms and aint met one in person yet.And there are one heck of alot here in Mass.Tell you the truth most people dont want to get together.Ibeen in the chat rooms cince nov.2005 and aint met anyone yet.Though i want to.

[Carl2229]

Heck Carl i have had my home town on my profile ever cince i joined these diaper chat rooms and aint met one in person yet.And there are one heck of alot here in Mass.Tell you the truth most people dont want to get together.Ibeen in the chat rooms cince nov.2005 and aint met anyone yet.Though i want to.

Have you tried being proactive? I don't mean starting out with an invitation to meet, but with a few friendly messages and e-mails, etc. Some people are ready to open up, and others want to stay in the shadows, but no one is going to expose their secret selves to someone until they are comfortable with who they are chatting with.

I had coffee this morning with a DD member that I met online and exchanged messages with. We had never met before, and the hour or so that we spent talking included a lot more topics than just diapers. We talked as people with a common interest and a lot in common, but just as many or more differences. I hope that we will remain friends and will add to our circle in our area, but it all started with one message, and then a reply.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, and that step is initial contact. Not every step leads to a journey of a thousand miles, but you will never know until you take that first step, and then the second, etc.

Good luck, and happy meetings

[Necare]

Which is why humans are always found in groups or as part of social structures? What is the rational basis for individualism as a purpose to end all purpose? Even being able to communicate with each other in this language is evidence against our capacity for individualism.

I think that 'be yourself and don't worry' is very easy advice to dispense. At least, it's definitely a lot easier than taking the time to think about the complex nature of human existence and realize that things are never black and white.

Well, well, now, did I say that human beings are not inherently a social creature? Of course they are, no single person lives within a vacuum, every human being has the instinctive need to communicate with their fellow beings in one way or another, but does this then imply that the need to communicate should be so great as to eradicate essential aspects of your self, just as to fit in better? Is that an ideal for you? To wipe out core parts of your individuality in order to be more edible for the group you are aiming at being a part of?

And when I`m talking about being true to yourself above all, I`m not referring to not being able to make any compromises, to be so egocentrical that the needs of people around you don`t matter, that would be the mindset of the career-criminal or the psychopath. What my point was, is that whenever it`s a matter of compromising your distinct individuality just to please the voice of the majority, it`s a sad day when you then lose yourself in order to connect. Don`t you see my point here, honestly?

The initial poster`s pleading manner, gave me a sense of a person being torn between social-pressure and a seemingly insecure sense of self. Then tell me; what is then the best advice in the given situation; to tell him to almost snuff out the aspects what made him unique in the first place, just as to be another non-distinct voice? Or to infact instill in him a sense of an actual distinct self, to say that he first and foremost has to be his own person, truly learn who he is. Then and only then, can vital communication be established, communication that actually will count for something. On the other hand; communication based on a willingly wiping out of self, to be a automaton in order to please, seeking connection for numbing comfort, that will never be an ideal for me. If that is an ideal you strive after, fine. But then, let us agree to disagree.

[WallaWalla]

Well, well, now, did I say that human beings are not inherently a social creature?

You implied it by stating that individualism is the reason we are here. I would argue that the connections we make as other people and the growth that we experience specifically in the way that we relate to others is pretty darned important to me on the other hand.

Of course they are, no single person lives within a vacuum, every human being has the instinctive need to communicate with their fellow beings in one way or another, but does this then imply that the need to communicate should be so great as to eradicate essential aspects of your self, just as to fit in better? Is that an ideal for you? To wipe out core parts of your individuality in order to be more edible for the group you are aiming at being a part of?

Have you read my other posts in this thread?

And when I`m talking about being true to yourself above all, I`m not referring to not being able to make any compromises, to be so egocentrical that the needs of people around you don`t matter, that would be the mindset of the career-criminal or the psychopath. What my point was, is that whenever it`s a matter of compromising your distinct individuality just to please the voice of the majority, it`s a sad day when you then lose yourself in order to connect. Don`t you see my point here, honestly?

I see your point, I just don't think that 'be yourself' solves anybody's problems. 'Being yourself' is something you have to pay for.

The initial poster`s pleading manner, gave me a sense of a person being torn between social-pressure and a seemingly insecure sense of self. Then tell me; what is then the best advice in the given situation; to tell him to almost snuff out the aspects what made him unique in the first place, just as to be another non-distinct voice?

I do not claim to have the best advice. My personal outlook and attitude is to just accept that you are not going to be able to relate to everybody.

The only thing I am taking issue with in your post is the idea that we are here 'first and foremost' to be an individual. That might be the reason you are here, that might be the reason some people are here, there's no objective truth to the statement that can be verified though.

Being himself, a vehement dyed in the wool racist wouldn't BE in a black neighborhood, at least not alone.

Flawed analogy on my part, I'll grant that.

Okay then, will an atheist 'fit in' an Orthodox Jewish community by expressing himself?

[Snugglebug]

Flawed analogy on my part, I'll grant that.

Okay then, will an atheist 'fit in' an Orthodox Jewish community by expressing himself?

Still a little on the flawed side (unless we're talking about an evangelical atheist) but I'll work with it: no, the atheist won't meet much more than tolerance from his Jewish neighbours, but at least he stands a much better chance of finding other atheists in the community, maybe even some Jewish Atheists (and, yes, they exist).