Fraternity

[collegebaby86]

So I've received a bid from a campus fraternity. The guys are cool and all, it's just that I've never been in anything like this. I do want to be more involved around school, I just don't know what to do. Anyway, if anyone out there has some experience or advice, I'd love to hear it.

I hope my hazing involves diapers. Ahem...

[Saladin1976]

DO NOT do it. Please.

While there might be a cool frat out there somewhere, in my experience fratboys are assholes, and they systematically turn their new members into assholes. Those who don't turn into assholes generally are treated not so well by their 'brothers'.

I had one friend who joined a frat. He swore up and down that these 'werent like other frat boys,' that they were all super-cool and friendly, and that he wouldn't be dropping his other friends... but ultimately he did. For a while anyway. During his first year he forgot one of the older guys' names. His 'punishment' was to go around to all of the other brothers and say something like, "brother ___, I just wanted to let you know that I'm a faggot." He wasn't allowed to tell them that it was a punishment, he could only say that sentence. He was willing to do it, as long as it could be clear to the other guys that it was for a punishment, but he wasn't going to go and tell a lie about himself like that. Sooo.... four guys beat the shit out of him for a good twenty minutes, told him he was out of the frat, and then threw him out of a window. He was warned that if he tried to go to the cops, an alumni was the chief of police (which he knew to be true), and that not only would it be covered up, but he'd probably be charged with filing a false report. So, he didn't. For the rest of the year, his former 'brothers' did all kinds of shit to him... vandalized his car, threw stuff at him on campus, yelled at him anytime they saw him. All because he forgot some kid's name and wouldn't call himself a 'faggot'.

Knew another kid who got thrown out of a different one for refusing to rape a girl who passed out at one of their parties. He had complained to the president of the frat, who refused to discipline the 'brother' who had ordered it, and he ultimately got thrown out. He was told that if he tried to go to the cops, all of the 'brothers' would say that he had been thrown out for TRYING to rape a passed out girl, and it would be the word of 60 guys against 1. So he was also intimidated into keeping quiet about it. We actually met this kid after he'd been thrown out- he joined out martial arts school looking for protection him from his former 'brothers'.

I've got probably a dozen stories like this.

And that's not even counting the MANY kids I've known who flunked out of school (or got grades so low that they weren't able to find jobs) because the frat/sorority took up too much of their time. And they WANTED to study, they just couldn't fit it in around all of the 'required' weeknight parties (you actually get in big trouble if you miss those), having to do chores around the frat house because they were a freshman, doing homework for older brothers, etc etc. Frats say they're about improving academic performance, but when your grades start slipping, they don't let you skip parties so you can study more. They order you to swith to an easier major. Always dreamed of being an engineer? Too bad, kid. You need to go down to registration and change your major to agriculture or secondary education or something. Can't have you bringing down our average GPA.

Trust me, dude- it's a bad scene. Especially for a DL. Stay clear of it.

[Morv]

While I've never joined a frat, I know many people who did, and don't know any who had experiences like that. Sure there are frat assholes out there that I won't associate with, and they pretty much fit the description that our buddy here gave.

But, there are also fraternities and sororities that are much better. I know a guy Don who was always stopping by my dorm and hanging out. (He was one of my room mate's friends.) He regularily didn't go to parties, and never had to deal with anything like that. There was a fair bit of heavy drinking, but he didn't get in trouble for not going to required parties. Hell, one of his frat brothers graduated from college, and is currently in the seminary.

I know probably a half dozen guys who are members of the music fraternity at my school. Once again, no violent hazing or anything. Their parties could get a bit wild -- lots of beer, liquor, and pot smoking -- and their house was right across the street from the police station. But, they also regularily would invite professors to their parties.

Also, much of what has been discussed here are social fraternities and sororities. There are academic ones out there as well. Much different.

Now, here's my advice: if you want to join, go ahead, but, don't do anything that you know to be wrong. Sure, put up with some crap and don't be a spoilsport, but there's a point where it is dangerous and/or wrong. Don't let it go that far. And if you change your mind, then leave.

[SoCalAB]

Actually, I have experienced two types of frats. One is your typical "Animal House" scenario where each weekend its all about topping the last house party. Long Beach is home to Cal State Long Beach and as luck would have it our "Animal House" was DELTA!!! LOL!!!

The other type of frats we have here are your typical upwardly mobile twits who at 18 and 19 think the solution to everything in life is money, fast cars and expensive suits. That and a lot of booze of course. I call this mindset "The dumbing down of America."

Stay Pampered

SoCalAB

DO NOT do it. Please.

While there might be a cool frat out there somewhere, in my experience fratboys are assholes, and they systematically turn their new members into assholes. Those who don't turn into assholes generally are treated not so well by their 'brothers'.

[wetter]

I am in a fraternity and I have enjoyed every second of my experiences. Sure, as with any group of guys there are a few "assholes" and I am probably one of them, but thats the way it goes. As for turning new brothers into assholes, anytime a person finds a group that they want to be a part of, they naturally begin to emulate the members of that group. If a majority of the brothers are assholes, then naturally the new members will begin to follow that lead. I don't know what fraternities you know Saladin, but any fraternities that I have hung out with do nothing like the things youre describing. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, it very well may, but it is very rare. Morv, which music fraternity are you referring to? It may be the same fraternity I am a part of. Collegebaby, the joining of a fraternity is a choice only you can make. You are going to get both sides of the story, from the fun of parties and the great feeling of a strong brotherhood, to the horror stories of hazing(which almost every college in the nation has begun really cracking down on) and what can happen to your grades. Just remember, whatever your choice is, you are still going to have to work your ass off to get through college alive and sane.

Best of luck to you.

[Morv]

I can't honestly remember. I'll probably be talking to a guy who whould know in a few weeks.