Despersexuality?

[Diseased88]

Hi all, I was just wondering if anyone else is like this (I hope this is in the right section). A few years ago I would have said that I was predominantly heterosexual, with no inkling or desire for anyone of the same sex. As time goes on, however, I feel like my "standards" are slipping. It seems that everyone I meet has a boyfriend/girlfriend, and even if someone is single, they usually are either just recovering from a relationship, or, for some reason or another "Aren't ready". So, now I'm all like "ok, maybe if I widen my dating pool a little bit, I'll find someone who I can confide in and be with intimately." It's not like I don't have friends, ya know?

I don't know where I stand on the whole straight/bi/gay thing. Some guys are cute, and I wouldn't mind dating them, but I still like women. All in all that's a rather superficial discussion, as I'm looking for something more than frack buddies. I feel so lonely at times, and I don't know what to do.

Is this normal? are there a lot of people out there that are single and looking, but just can't find anyone? or am I really the only guy here who is single and looking?

[Sophie ♥]

That might be you just growing up.... you are rather young. You are probably discovering more and more about your sexual identity.

And like EVERYONE is single and looking, except happy people. And in this day and age, how many of those can there REALLY be?

-Sophie

[danbk]

You're not the only single guy that is looking, but I am not hetero either, so I can't really say I know what that is like. I tried to be "straight" for the longest time and I finally came to terms with myself and realized what I really felt about myself.

I agree with Baby Sophie that you are still young and discovering your sexual identity. Maybe it's not so much of a "widening" of your dating pool as much as it is you possibly discovering what you really enjoy.

[Diseased88]

Thanks Sophie and Dan for the replies!

I don't get it, I mean, how can I rationalize any feelings with no experience to justify them. I mean, I never have done anything with a guy sexually, why would I just all of a sudden be like "mmm penis" lol. Maybe I just want to experiment with a guy because I want to confirm to myself I don't like guys. Maybe it's me coming to terms with homo/bi sexuality. Maybe I'm just so desperate I'm beginning to think of guys that way, if only to widen my pool, even if it is superficially.

Also, kudos to those of you in the gay community who came out, I would be scared to friggin DEATH to talk this out with anybody else, but seeing as this is a diaper fetish site, I imagine my problem is a little bitty one. haha.

Oh, I wish someone had an answer for me, but writing this has been better. Writing/typing it makes it clearer for me, thanks for reading.

[danbk]

I never have done anything with a guy sexually, why would I just all of a sudden be like "mmm penis" lol. Maybe I just want to experiment with a guy because I want to confirm to myself I don't like guys. Maybe it's me coming to terms with homo/bi sexuality.

Well ... I guess I don't really have a good answer for this one. I remember back to high school I had no interest whatsoever in sex with anyone ... guy or gal. I remember my first encounter was when I was a junior and found my way into a m4m channel on IRC that was connected to my local area (this was in the early 90s). Sure, it was just a BJ, but it was my first encounter with a guy. At that time, I viewed it as an experience I enjoyed, but more of a chance to get a need fulfilled. I tried to be "normal" at that time and a couple years later, I ended up dating a couple of girls and enjoyed the company, but found sex with a woman to be rather disgusting (I couldn't stand their smell, even when clean) and too much of a chore (it wasn't enjoyable).

It was at this point that things kinda turned on in my head who I am... at least until I let my friends, family, and church convince me it was a "phase" and that I wanted to be/should be with a woman. This is where I made the biggest ... I won't say mistake, but misguided decision ... of my life. I met a woman whom I did love emotionally, but not sexually and spent 8 years with her and did what I had to do to meet her needs, even if it wasn't enjoyable to me because of the companionship. No, I didn't cheat on her once to meet my needs because I was brought up to be faithful, no matter what the consequence. I finally came to terms with who I am after we separated and have thoroughly enjoyed being able to be myself freely.

Now that I've told you more than what really matters, my point is that you have to do what feels right for you and makes you happy. If that means experimenting to find out what works for you, do it safely.

Maybe I'm just so desperate I'm beginning to think of guys that way, if only to widen my pool, even if it is superficially.

Think about it thoroughly. If you truly feel this is the case, then maybe it is just a way for you to satisfy your needs and urges. I'm of the mindset that while there is the sexual component to hetero- and homo- sexuality, you also have to be sure that whatever happens, once you get into a relationship with someone, that it satisfies all your needs, sexually, physically, and emotionally. Don't make any decisions based on what will please your family or friends, do what is right for you.

Maybe you're bi, maybe you're gay, maybe your curious. Who cares? Do what you have to do to answer that question for yourself. Just don't lead someone on to believe it could become a relationship if you are just trying to meet a sexual need. That will do more harm than good, for both sides, believe me.