Reflections

[Simon]

Hello.

I used to post on here all the time but haven't for aboiut a year now due to lack of internet access. I'm not sure if anyone remembers me here or not.

Anyway to refresh everyone's memory my name is Simon and I'm the guy who decided to start wearing diapers after I graduated from high school who was diagnosed with incontinence?? I was referring to it as self induced incontinence before since I never had any problems before I started wearing diapers all the time.

Well its been over a year now since I've been going throughdaily kegel excercises therapy etc. to help get rid of the incontinence. I posted about my struggles on here several times and the fact that I was seeing little if any noticeable improvement at all. Its been over a year since I've been going through all of this treatment and since I've posted on here and well I still haven't really improved at all. I'm still going through about 5 adult diapers a day on average, leaking non stop and filling my pants as well.

Well the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. They did multple tests tried every treatment/excercise there was but nothing.

Well just this last week I finally decided to go somewhere else as the clinic I was at wasn't helping at all and many other patients were complaining about their practices so I just transferred to a new clinic and if you can believe it within a week the doctors there are already able to tell me what is wrong with me.

They did a full several tests on me right away including a full MRI that revealed that my anal sphincters (the muscles around the anus) are in the nearly advanced stages of atrophy meaning that they have stopped functioning normally due to disuse and have become almost frozen as they begin to like almost stop functioning completely and die. They did a similiar test and sure enough the same thing showed up with my urinary sphincters.

It turns out that this is not uncommon at all and my doctors at the new clinic were shocked that the other doctors were trying to cure me with kegel excercises and other such crap which according to them will do nothing for a person whose mucles have become frozen due to atrophy.

They explained that our mucles in our body need to be excercised constantly otherwise they will become lazy and eventually die. For example if a person stays blindfolded all the time for a few years his or her ability to see will start to decrease and eventually this could lead to total blindness. The same goes for any muscle in the body you lose it or you lose it I guess.

So wearing diapers all the time and not paying attention to when you need to go is like putting a blindfold over your sphincter muslces which will eventually become lazy, your ability to use them will decrease and this could lead to eventual death of the muscles like in the case of ganggreen on a limb or something.

The doctors said that my uninary muscles although significantly atrophied can probably be loosened and excercised again with the right kind of therapy however they said I may always suffer from slightly poor control.

My anal sphincter however has become so bad that they are not entirely sure if therapy will be able to help. I might have to have sphincteroplasty or another such surgery but there is a chance I may still suffer from moderate-heavy fecal incontinence.

Translation: I might be stuck filling my pants for the rest of my known life.

Obviously this is very depressing for me but at least now I know what is causing my problems.

When I graduated from high school and first started wearing diapers full time I didn't know that other people like me exist those who just wanted to wear diapers and then others who wish to be babies which is something that never interested me. Now that I have discovered the infantilist community through the internet I know now that many actually desire to lose control and become incontinent which is something I still do not understand. I suppose it is seen as babyish by those who want to be babies so this is why they desire thst. However I see no connection between being babyish and having so sphincter control as even young babies have some sphincter control. They use diapers because they are unable to walk to the toilet and communicate their needs to their parents not because they have absolutely no sphincter control. When I started wearing diapers I didn't think that losing control was possible unless I got into some horrible accident nor did I desire it yet here it is and possibly irreversable.

I suppose I am typing this to let everyone know that as long as you are wearing diapers if you don't pay attention to when you need to go you will get muscle atrophy as I did no matter how immune you may think you are or how young you are. If you wish to become incontinent as many do for whatever reason you don't need to waste money on hypnosis, illegal botox injections and trips to south asia so that you can pay some third world "doctor" to destory your bladder. Just wear don't pay attention to when you need to go and you will lose control eventually.

Now as I look back at all that I have done to myself and to my body I still feel like its all a dream.

I'm sick of pissing my pants and walking around in a soggy diaper every minute of the day. I can't keep a diaper dry for more than 30 minutes anymore as I'm constantly peeing at least just a little. I'm sick of walking into work and suddenly feeling a huge load of shit fill the seat of my diapers at the most inconvient moment possible. Sometimes I can go change right away other times I end up waddling around with a load in my shorts for awhile before I'm finally able to clean up. And the irony of this all is I did this to myself without even realizing it and I may be stuck like this for the rest of my life.

Simon

[Pipsqueak]

I hope the doctors will be able to help you regain some continence, Simon! As awful as this is for you, posting it may help some people realize what they might be doing to themselves. Unfortunately, too many people get caught up in the seduction of the incontinence fantasy and can't seem to see the harsh realities until it's too late. I wish you all the best in your quest to regain some control.

[DiaperBigBoy]

I hope the doctors will be able to help you regain some continence, Simon! As awful as this is for you, posting it may help some people realize what they might be doing to themselves. Unfortunately, too many people get caught up in the seduction of the incontinence fantasy and can't seem to see the harsh realities until it's too late. I wish you all the best in your quest to regain some control.

I agree pipsqueak, you get what you want, and sometimes it's scary

[marko]

I got what I wanted and dont regret it at all ,Iam at least a complete person now .

[Ortwein]

Simon I am so sorry to hear what has happend to you. I am glad that the doctors found out what is wrong with you. I am also glad that they are going to fix you and make you all better. I am 30 years old and I have been wetting the bed Since August 2008. I do not even know I did it until I wake up being really cold and then I look down to a soaked bottom sheet and that my clothes are soaked from prring the bed. I have really bad nightmare and I am also really dpressed latley because no one beleives me when I tell them that I am in severe pain. I have a lower back injury with chornic severe lower back pain that is there constantly. The severe pain starts in my lower back down into my buttocks, down both of my sides, front and backs of my legs and down into my feet. There are times where I will go to the bathrrom on tthe toilet before I get into bed and go to sleep. I do pee on the toilet and then the night starts out as being a dry night but in the middle of the night I cannot get up in time to go into the bathrrom and sit on the toilet and go pee. I am in severe pain at that time and then when I do get up it is too late I have already peed the bed. My ex husband makes fun of me when I told him the reason why I do not sleep next to him at night. He started to laugh at me and told me to wear a diaper to bed and I will tell you preants and your sister about you wetting the bed at night. I told him please do not tell them that I wet the bed at night time I cannot help it. I do not have a urinary tract infection. I do wear diapers at night becuase of the problem but I pee so much that is leaks right on through the diaper and onto the sheets and I am having to change the whole bedding plus getting into dyr clothes anda dry diaper too. I an so embarrassed about this issue and I am so ashamed to for wetting the bed. May be he has every right to tease me for wetting the bed. I do not know what to do plaese help me out. Should I go and see a thareipset about my dpression and for my nightmares and for wetting the bed too. I already started lookingfor one and I found one but I am still waiting to hear back from her to see if my health insurrance is going to pick up the visits to see her about my problems. Thank you Sarah. I need a friend right now to get me through this issue of bed wetting and having really bad nightmares at night time while I am sleeping.