Your Thoughts.

[fakename]

I typically wear in sessions lasting no longer than an hour or two in my bedroom. I rarely go around the house unless no one's home--I want total privacy while diapered. During a "binge" period, I'll have these sessions on an almost daily and nightly basis, and I'll get urges try new diapers or baby items, and I'll consequently find myself spending haphazardly.

During my "purge" periods, I still think about diapers on a daily basis, but I don't feel a particularly strong urge to buy them or put one on. It feels like I've stepped out of a fog, and I can finally see the whole thing as embarrassingly childish. I feel like a pervert, realizing while my friends have been exploring meaningful relationships with human beings, I've been alone in my room getting off in diapers. I won't stay young and ripe forever. Sometimes I'll get angry at myself for all the money I've apparently wasted on this fetish. I get irritated when I go on eBay and find the recommendations full of diapers and AB items--it almost feels like a personal affront, like these people think I'm made of diapers and nothing else. Other AB/DLs tend to get on my nerves while I'm purging. Typical AB/DL rants seem superficial, even stupid, despite the fact I probably gave the same rants weeks ago. The obvious answer to everyone's problems seems to be, "why not just get rid of the diapers and do something wholesome and meaningful?" It's like everyone's blindfolded by the notion that their diapers are there to stay whether they take any joy from them or not--a dogmatic notion no one cares to question. I'll come here out of boredom, and I'll find myself wanting to grab people by the shoulders, shake them and scream, "WHY HAVEN'T YOU GOTTEN A F*CKING LIFE YET?" I see all the banner ads for photos of men and women in diapers--the likes of which I perhaps only recently considered posing for--and think, "what insipid, insulting garbage."

At the same time, I know this fetish isn't going to just fade away--it started in early childhood. If I want to get rid of it, I'm going to have to work, not just declare rebellion.

i agree with everything here. i have tried again and again to track down the reason for interest in this fetish, but i'm almost afraid to get to the bottom of it. i can trace my memories to the earliest diaper urge i had, and when i think about it, i realize that its not something i can just change, like deciding not to hang out with a friend you no longer like, or making a conscious effort not to touch door knobs 5 times whenever i pass by one, but its something completely ingrained and likely to be with me the rest of my life. i'm slowly coming to terms with it, and i think about how its just a personality trait, like liking fishing or searching the stars at night through a telescope.

i've heard that those that have nicotine addictions, or heroin addictions, never lose their desire or urge to indulge in their old addiction. once a smoker, always a smoker - sure you can quit cigarettes but your body will always be ready to take a puff, your mouth will always remember the taste of the smoke. i've talked to people about their old heroin addictions, and while they no longer partake in the stuff, they know that all they'd have to do to be happy in their life is to break down and buy some smack and shoot up.

as for the cycles, i get them too, but i get cycles in everything. i'll play everquest for a week straight and then think "why the hell am i wasting my time with this ?" and i'll stop playing for a few days.. but the desire to play comes back. its the same for diapers. i';ll think to myself, ugh, what the heck am i doing, this is just pathetic. and i'll resolve to change and try to replace this desire with a new one - excercise, say. a few weeks later i'll watch a mother with a stroller walk past me and i'll instinctually know what lies in the backpack tied to the stroller... and then i'm off again.

finally i think that everyone here knows they can't really remove this desire from their minds. the best we can do is be "Lord of the Manor" (as Seinfeld puts it) and indulge to a degree, but be in control of our urges, and try to keep it to a minimum if we're feeling guilty.

[PArms]

I even have the fear of dieing or become incapacitated to the point where I couldn't get at my 'stash' of diapers etc to get rid of them.

I have thought about this quite a few times. I have resolved that I can't die because I'm not ready to remove my stash. It's like my diapers are providing more "protection" than designed. I know this is only in my head, but . . . Ask, Believe, Receive.

[crys_138]

Oddly, I don't purge. For some reason, when I'm not in the mood to go infantile, I don't toss anything or even try to avoid it, I just don't do it.

Then again, I'm not the type to be driven by shame... usually I get bored instead.