Birthday

[upseydaisy]

He left the office a 1:00 PM Thursday March 22, 2007. He had given

his boss an excuse for his early departure. Something about an

appointment. His thoughts were disconnected as to what had

happened the past weeks. His thoughts were on the task at hand.

He followed through step by step, like a military man falling

back on his training when all else fails. Sitting on the bench

awaiting the bus he goes through it all in his head.

He boards the bus sitting in the front with his back pack on his

lap. He fidgets nervously with the strap as he stares out the

window. He's traveled this route many times before. But today was

no ordinary day. Today was his

thirtieth birthday.

The bus arrived at the YMCA. He slung his back pack over his

shoulder. Upon exiting the bus he lit a cigarette. It was a bit

windy so he had to flick the lighter a couple times before it was

lit. When finished, he walks through the front doors. He shows

his card to the receptionist who scans him in. They make idle

chatter while she is handing the card back to him. Heading down

the hallway towards the men's locker room he instead darts into a

side room. This is a private unisex bathroom with toilet, sink

and shower.

He sits his back pack on the floor. He walks over to the mirror

and begins to unfasten the buttons on his work shirt. He pulls it

off and throws it on the ground by the backpack. He looks in the

mirror. He notices the scar on his chest. He stands there looking

at his face. Not so long ago it looked vibrant and young. But now

was beginning to show the signs of aging. His face looked worn

and tired. His eyes seemed as hallow tunnels of darkness as he

gazed deeper into the mirror. He was loosing himself in thought.

Turning on the water faucet he washes his hands. He then kneels

in front of the back pack and begins pulling out its contents and

laying them neatly in front of him. Baggie with marijuana,

rolling papers, scissors, and a folded plastic trash bag. Then

opening the bigger compartment he pulls out a pair of what look

to be a pair of footed pajamas with tweetie bird on it. There is

also a matching top with buttons.

He unwraps the folded trash bag and slides out two adult

disposable diapers and sits them on top of the pajamas. He then

opens a smaller pouch and pulls out a razor, shaving gel, a

container of Johnson & Johnson's creamy baby oil and a pill

bottle. There is also a tiny bottle of conditioner or hair dye.

He stands up and strips and throws his close into the now

unfolded trash bag, and drops that bag into the trash bin. He

then walks over to the shower and turns it on to warm the water.

He then collects the razor, and shaving gel from the pile of

items. Closing the curtain he steps under the water. He spends a

few minutes just enjoying the warmth. He then takes the gel and

spreads it on his face. Then taking the razor in his hand, he

proceeds to shave. After his face is smooth as silk, he lathers

his chest and begins to shave

He then lifts his arms and lathers up his pits. He shaves the

left, then the right. He then rinses in the faucet for a while

longer. He takes the shaving gel and lather's his pubic area and

then carefully begins to shave the mound, and the areas down

under. He continues this process, shaving even his legs. He stood

there a moment looking down at himself to check for any missed

spots. He then remembered his arms.

When he was finished he stood there with the curtain open

dripping dry. He had not brought a towel. He glided his hands

over his skin to brush off the water droplets to speed the

process. Moments later he found himself standing before the

mirror. This time he had a smile as he surveyed his handy work.

He took notice of his build. He had worked for months at weight

training. But unlike most people, his arms were not big. However

his chest was well defined. He made sure to push himself at

working those muscles more than anything else. There was just

something about that look.

He took the tiny bottle and rubbed it's contents in his hair. He

had dark brown hair, which was short. This was changing his color

to a light color. What he saw looking back at him seemed like a

stranger from a far off dream.

He bent down to pick up the J&J baby oil. He opened the container

and squirted a dab on his hand. He rubbed it into his chest. The

smell enveloped him and took him far away. He was back at the old

house on the couch. He was being changed by his mother. The

memory faded as quickly as it had come.

He began to frantically rub the baby oil into his skin in a vain

attempt to conjure this elusive dream. Before it was all over

he had rubbed a generous portion of this oil from his neck to his

feet. He set the container on the sink. He then reaches into the

bottom of the back pack and pulls out a small container. He

untwists the lid. He pulls out two suppositories. He then spreads

his legs slightly and inserts them one at a time into his bottom.

He once again washed his hands. He then grabs one of the adult

disposable diapers and begins to open it up and stretch it out a

bit. He lays it on the floor. He sits down on it and lays back on

the floor. Things were now seemingly automatic. He was moving

through the steps now with no apprehension. He began to fasten

the tapes alternating sides until it was snug.

He then repeats the process with the other diaper, putting it on

over the other. He stands and begins to slide on the pajama

bottoms. He feels much more comfortable now that his feet are not

on the cold tile floor. Buttoning up the pajama tops he smiles

catching his reflection again. He then empties the pill bottle's

contents onto a little metal shelf beneath the mirror. There are

pills of various colors and shapes.

He begins to sort them with his fingers. He contemplates weather

he should take pills of a like color together, or just dump them

all down his mouth in any old random order. He decides to

separate them. As he is fiddling around sorting out the pills he

begins to feel the pressure in his bowels intensify. He reaches

into the backpack and pulls out a flask of tequila, and then a

20oz bottle of blue power-aid. He begins to down the pills with

the tequila. Once all the pills are gone he throws the pill

bottle in the trash.

He now begins to role the first of what would be three joints out

of the marijuana baggie. He tossed the baggie in the trash when

finished. He puts the three joints into the empty slots in his

cigarette box. At this point the pressure is unbearable and he

hunches over slightly and lets nature run it's course. There he

stood, a thirty year old, dressed as a toddler, diapers and all.

He sniffed for a second. The odor was not as strong as he had

imagined it would be.

He took a piece of paper and wrote the words "blood thinner,

muscle relaxant, sleeping pills, pain killers, laxatives. He

slung the backpack over his shoulder and glanced in the mirror

for one last look. All his old personal effects were in the

trash. All he was bringing with him was the backpack which now

contained power aid, cigarettes and joints and a lighter. And

perhaps a few other odds and ends.

He stepped out of the door and walked back to the desk. There

were people all around the lobby. Laughter began at once. The

lady at the desk noticed and was also joined in with the others

laughing. There laughter seemed so distant. Or perhaps he was

so distant from the very place he now stood. He slid the paper on

the counter. She looked at it. He pulled open his back pack and

removed a hunting knife and held it up for her to see.

A hush fell over the entire area. "You took those pills?" she

asked. She was barely audible. "Open the door that leads outside

to the pool." He said sternly while looking her in the eyes. She

took her key ring and he walked behind her keeping the knife near

her. While they stood there at the door she was fumbling

nervously with the keys. "I'm not going to hurt you." He said.

"Did you have an accident?" she asked while turning to face him.

She could obviously tell by the odor that he had soiled himself.

He didn't even entertain her question with a reply. She opened

the door. He saw her cell phone clipped to her side. He quickly

grabbed it. "I know how this goes. You'll call the police. I

don't want them coming in with megaphones and such. So they can

talk to me on this number. Now go back to the desk and don't let

anyone out here." He commanded. He stood on the other side of the

door as she closed it.

He began to walk towards the deep end. There were two diving

boards, one at a normal height, and another which was quite high.

At least 20 feet or so he figured. He climbed up the steps and

walked the length of the board. He sat down with legs dangling

over the edge. He took rope from his backpack and tied his feet

together. He then retrieved one of the joints from his cigarette

box and lit it.

He sat atop the board perched like a eagle with his eyes darting

across the area in anticipation. The area was surrounded by a

very high fence. This added to his feeling of security. He began

to hear sirens in the distance drawing ever closer. They were

like intruders come to steal his peace.

After finishing his first joint he then began to sip on the

power-aid. He began to wet the diaper. He hadn't noticed it

earlier, but he had already wet himself while relieving his

bowels. This gave him a strange sense of comfort. He began to

feel sleepy. He lit another joint. He had his cigarettes,

lighter, cell phone and knife at his side and his back pack

behind him.

The police cruisers were parked and he saw four police officers

at the fence yelling at him. He could not make it out. He picked

up the cell phone and called the front desk. A man answered.

"Tell them to turn off the sirens and lights and stop yelling. I

need peace and quiet." He said and then hung up. Moments later

his order had reached whomever was in charge and they complied.

The cell phone rang. He answered it. "My name is Daniel Green

from the police department. Sir why don't you come down and

let's talk." The man said. "No, there's no talking. Just leave me

alone. I want quiet and I want to be alone." He said as he threw

the phone into the pool.

He could hear the distant chatter of police radios. He knew time

was short. He tried to move but was finding it difficult. He

voided into his diaper again. He sparked his third joint and

eagerly puffed on it. He was feeling so sleepy now. He slid down

his pajama's to show his diaper. He then took the hunting knife

out of it's sheath again and put it against his inner thigh on

the left leg.

With one fluid motion he cut all the way through the artery. He

then pulled the pants back up by leaning back. He then stabbed

himself under the arm severing that artery as well. Blood poured

from his wounds. He began to feel heavy. He was in a dream state

now. He saw that the police officers were through the door and

onto the pool deck. There frenzied shouting and radio squelch was

so distant now.

The dream took over the focus. "That's right, I remember now. I

used to come to this pool as a child with my family. This pool

has always been here. This pool has always been here." He was

ripped once again from this dream when he heard clanging of boots

climbing the steps. He looked down into the crystal blew water.

It seemed so inviting. He inched himself closer to the edge. The

pills were doing what he wanted. No pain, no clotting. He felt

the board shake as an officer was almost upon him. "Mommy." He

whispered as he fell forward off of the high diving board. The

free fall felt like slow motion. He smiled as the water was

rushing up to greet him.

Splash! The pajamas immediately took on a heavy and clingy

quality. The disposable diapers began absorbing the water which

made them puff up. This felt so comforting. The water was so

warm. He felt like he was being held. The bulk between his legs

was so secure. The weight of the fabric was so safe. He hit the

bottom of the deep end. He rolled onto his back and crossed his

right arm over his chest in an attempt to hug himself.

His eyes were looking up through the blurry blue which was now

becoming red with his blood. There was a splash and a rippling

of the water. "They're coming to steal me away" he thought. He

realized he was still holding his breath but that would not last

much longer. He began to breathe in water through his mouth. He

previously imagined this to be quite painful and scary. Somehow

he couldn't feel anything but warmth and peace.

His body began to twitch and shake. "Air is for the living." A

voice said from within him. He stopped shaking. He became one

with the water, not being able to feel where his skin and

clothing ended, and where the water began. All was dark.

"Sweetie, wake up." A soft voice said. His eye's fluttered open.

The light poured in through the windows illuminating the entire

room. He felt himself being picked up and carried. "It's ok baby.

Mommy's here now." As they passed a mirror he stared in total

disbelief. There he saw his reflection looking back at him. Only

now he was a little girl with curly blonde hair, dressed in a

pink baby sleeper. The entire room became engulfed in white

light. "The transformation is complete." A man's voice came from

the mirror.

The End.