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I. My face, deep red with a combination of embarrassment and tears, was on full display, the rest of my body fully moving in momentum to my locked-tight wrist, which was firmly in the grasp of the supervising party in my life, my Mommy, who’s infuriated look pulling me along said all anyone needed to know. I could have whined, I could have done anything, but I felt…paralyzed. Things like this had happened so much in my life lately that I didn’t know what else to do. I just more or less marched along, I didn’t know what else to do. It was so embarrassing. I wanted to be anywhere but here, but here I was, unable to leave. It'd have been embarrassing enough if I was only in trouble. Making this whole thing even worse was what was around my waist. My bottom? Covered in poop. I had a diaper on, sure, but still, anyone within a 10000000 mile radius could smell it. It had a huge blowout, there were messy streaks going down my previously-pristine leggings. It looked every bit as bad as I smelled. It wasn’t the first time I had one of these, but for whatever reason, this was different. I’d even had poopy blowouts in the mall before; today, I was just on a heater. Tantrums, all of that. At this point, I didn’t even care, and I figured that if this was how I was going to be treated, I might as well give Mommy what she wanted. We were a sight for anyone who bothered to pay attention; my Auntie Stef walked at a steady distance behind, carrying my “older” sister, who, judging from this whole scene, had clearly passed me in the maturity department. “Unbelievable, just unbelievable, I’m at a complete loss for words,” Mommy bemoaned aloud, targeted at an audience of one, “all this, all this…embarrassment for Mommy, all because of a poopy diaper, a poopy diaper!” This end of the statement drew a few curious stares, but Mommy was undeterred. “A poopy diaper baby, you’ve ruined the day for all of us, and especially your sister, all because of a damn poopy diaper, something I think we see more than once per day? I don’t get it, I really don’t.” Mommy was scary when she was upset because there were bits of calm mixed into the inner seas of her volcanic temper. “You just think you’re going to get to watch Gabby’s Dollhouse when your sister does when we’re home, well, you’ve got another thing coming, Missy. You’ll be lucky if you’re able to leave your playpen all week after this little display, ughh!” Mommy started again, before once again showcasing the madness of it all, “…all because of a poopy diaper, unbelievable, even your sister doesn’t melt down like this because of an accident, and she’s expected to use the potty; you’re not, you go in your diapers, ugh, just unbelievable.” I just tried to move fast in my complicated waddling state, my legs uncomfortably mixed with my own fecal matter, all while reflecting on the current events. Seeing my sister really surpass me and take her rightful spot as the older kid in the house, it just set me off.. It wasn’t fair, she got to have her ears pierced, and I had to watch! What should have been a delightful rite of passage for my sister, Mommy, and Auntie Stef, quickly devolved into my own tantrum on the floor of Claire’s shortly afterwards, to the delight of no one. Compounding it all was the fact that in the middle of this tantrum, I had made a runny poopy in my diaper, making a further mess even worse by throwing myself on my bottom in the middle of it all. All because I was supposed to watch the other three shop for my sister. I didn’t want to watch this! I just wanted to be anywhere else; or my own ears pierced. How dare they! As I was dragged across the mall floor by Mommy towards the family bathrooms, I snapped back into reality. I’d been falling into these mindsets more and more lately, which was concerning, but probably was something I’d better become more used to. I didn’t know when I’d ever be out of this treatment, if ever, so maybe I’d better just start giving into the end of the rainbow more; I didn’t know where this was ultimately headed. I’m a little conflicted though; on one hand, this was my present and indefinite future reality, which thought this was what I always wanted, and I should be ecstatic, but on the other hand, this was my present and indefinite future reality, and it was embarrassing mostly and other times cringe worthy. It truly had become a textbook case of “be careful what you wish for”, forced into this due to my own missteps, unlikely to ever leave, at least anytime soon. As simple as my life had become, it was equally complemented by perceived complication. We finally got near a familiar sight, the family restroom sign pointed a direction that our destination was nearby. I was surprised Mommy took this detour; but then, why would she need to get the car seats poopy and make my Auntie Stef’s car stinky if she didn’t have to. Maybe, I guess, I didn’t know. Just guesses, my time for planning and those sorts of things had gone out the window a long time ago. Just as I was hoping for something uneventful, we turned the corner to the family restroom and…it was “out of order”. “Hmmm,” Mommy looked at Auntie Stef, “any ideas?” “Let’s just take everyone to the ladies room, I’ll take Amelia potty while you can take care of Courtney’s poopy diaper, there’s a place to change her there,” Auntie Stef informed her. “Alright, ladies room it is,” Mommy still seemed annoyed, but obviously not with her sister. We once again were off at Mommy’s brisk pace. Thankfully, the ladies room wasn’t too far away. I wasn’t too sure though, I didn’t like the fact that this was much more public than the family restroom we originally were going to use. As we went in the doorway, Auntie Stef took my sister, “want to go to the big girl potty with Auntie?” “Mmhmm,” I heard Amelia say. “Alright, we’ll meet you out here when we’re done, see you soon,” Mommy smiled and kissed Amelia, before turning towards our destination. Mommy pulled me towards a back corner, where there were several changing tables, built in to the counters, each separated into different changing areas by a dividing wall, but set up in a way that multiple changes could take place simultaneously. As we approached, I saw another mom starting a similar job with her own toddler, who sounded about as thrilled as I was to have their diaper changed. I was still a crying, teary mess, so I had no room to talk. Mommy walked to the table next to the occupied one, setting down her brioche diaper backpack on a space behind the changing table. She moved my hand from her vice grip to around a metal rod by the structure, leaving me to stand awkwardly while she took everything out. A new diaper, a travel case of wipes, a changing pad, new clothes, nothing was spared; she even took out hand sanitizer for herself for after the change was done. Like I said, very prepared. As I stood there awkwardly, alternating my glances between Mommy’s pretty brioche Petunia Pickle Bottom bag and the environment around us. As I glanced, the other mom looked over, giving us both a half smile, before doing a bit of a double take at me. At 5’6”, I wasn’t the typical baby having my diaper changed.Soon, I felt Mommy pushing me towards the table, her immense strength overpowering me, “Up,” was all she said. As I moved my poopy bottom towards salvation, I noticed Mommy making a smile to the other mom who was looking at us. “Poopy diapers, doesn’t matter how big the baby, always gonna be poopy diapers, am I right? Just when I thought I had both of my girls out of diapers, this one decided her journey in them didn’t want to be over, and here we are!” Mommy said in a feigned exasperation of catharsis. “Oh I can relate to that!” I heard the other mom say, “when her brother was born,” she began telling Mommy, motioning to the toddler she was changing, “she decided to cancel her own potty training, and I’ve got two loads of poopy diapers to change now! Gotta love motherhood!” “Have lots of babies, they said…” Mommy began and laughed, to which the other mom laughed too. She pulled back my sodden leggings and began the dirty work. As she pulled them down my dirty legs, she pulled out a plastic bag, rolling the leggings into the bag, tying it shut, and walking over, past the other relatable mom. Mommy quickly tossed it away, there was no reusing of it, not in any known universe. “Looks like a code brown and a half,” I heard the other mom say. “Like I said, just another day,” Mommy laughed, coming back to find me, “it’s why they sell clothes right?” As Mommy began pulling out wipes, the other mom must have finished, I heard her say goodbye, and Mommy happily bid her adieu. I always found mommies/moms to be such strange individuals. They were the only people I knew who could exchange pleasantries while being wrist deep in poopy. I guess it was a labor of love or something sappy. “Phew, phewwie, you stink stinkyyy,” Mommy teased somewhat melancholy; I think she’d rather be doing anything but this right now, especially given her current state of furor. Before taking on the diaper, she ran a series of wipes up and down my legs, cleaning off the blowout aftermath, putting the wipes in another plastic bag she’d popped out. Soon after, she opened the diaper, revealing the mess that necessitated this visit in the first place. “Yucky wucky, you’re so stinky, inky,” she teased, taking on the unenvious task of cleaning my diaper area. As mad as she could get at me, diaper changes were always pleasant, Mommy made them fun, no matter how many she did. She made baby noises, Mommy noises, in exaggerated tones throughout the entirety of the charge. Prior to Amelia using the potty, Mommy was just the same. A real natural, one could not argue.I knew I was really in for it when I got home, but for this moment in time, Mommy made me forget about it, as brief a reprieve as it might be. The cool wipes moved across my bottom, up the crack, over and over. Across my little peepee, which by this point was very much unusable except to potty, and all over the rest. A large cloud of baby powder soon followed, as did a dollop of rash cream. Soon, Mommy lifted me, sliding another diaper underneath me, taping it up. Mommy then took out a khaki skirt, pulling it up my legs. It matched my purple Gabby’s Dollhiuse shirt, I was impressed. “All done, Princess,” Mommy looked at me, putting the wipes into the used diaper and taping it up;, “lay there so Mommy can pack all your diaper goodies up.” Mommy squirted hand sanitizer on her hands, and began rubbing them as she looked at the landscape. She put the wipes container back, the powder and cream back, and then had me get off the table while she put the changing pad away. She slung the brioche bag on her shoulder, taking the used diaper in one hand and my hand in another. As we walked towards a garbage can, another mom came in, babies in tow. She and Mommy made eye contact, each shaking their heads and exchanging a laugh. Mommy tossed my used diaper out, and led me out towards the mall, where Amelia and Auntie Stef were waiting. “Looks like you got that solved,” Auntie Stef chuckled. “All in a mom’s work, right?” Mommy said lightheartedly. “Of course, nice choice too, she’s really rocking that diaper, isn’t she?” Stef asked. “You better believe it, you know she loves it, doesn’t she? Doesn’t she?” Mommy teased. I just got red and embarrassed. Aunt Stef was right, I was “rocking” my diaper. My skirt was really short, the bottom peaked out, and when I raised my arms the teeniest bit, the diaper stuck out the top. Anyone could see it, anyone within ear shot could notice it. “Well, let’s go home, we’ll get Amelia a frosty and us some lunch, and we can take it home and eat it; I’d love to eat in, but we need to get the baby down for her afternoon nap, she’s kind of cranky, if you couldn’t tell,” Mommy said in a mocking tone, to which the two laughed. Amelia gave a cute laugh of her own, but I think it was mostly to humor the adults. Off we went, Mommy holding my hand and pulling me, Aunt Stef carrying my sister. Two different directions, me pulled towards perpetual and infinite babydom, my sister pushed to higher and higher heights. I was overwhelmed, and so deeply conflicted. As we made it out to Auntie Stef’s Highlander, a dark and extended reality began to settle on me that I would never escape. As I was buckled in my car seat, I began to sob, beginning to process the day that this ear piercing adventure had wrought. “Oh Courtney, it’s ok, you’re just tired baby,” Mommy tried to console me, handing me a bottle, “drink some milkies, and enjoy the ride; Mommy will carry you in at home if you fall asleep, you’ve had a long day Princess.” I took the bottle and began to suckle down the bitter pill my life had swallowed. It wasn’t always this way, but it looked like it was going to be moving forward. As I began to doze and take it in, I thought about it all, and how I had no one else but myself to blame.

I've been working on creating a longer story and I've come up with "The Accidental Toddler". The story is has the familiar plot of being stuck in an automated daycare / nursery set in a near future setting. As always, feedback is welcomed. Chapter 1: The Mistake In the not-too-distant future, automation had become a way of life. Everything from driving cars to making coffee was handled by computer systems. One such system was the Potty Training and Developmental Education program. It was designed to help young children learn basic hygiene, social skills, and even some early education. The program was championed as a pre-school / head start program that advanced children’s development. The program was highly efficient, and it had helped countless families over the years. With its automated systems, parents could focus on their work without having to worry about taking care of their children's basic needs. Jack is a tall and lanky man with sharp features and a prominent nose. He has short, curly hair that's a deep shade of brown and is usually styled in a messy, tousled manner. His eyes are a piercing blue and seem to gleam with intelligence and wit. He carries himself with an air of confidence and has a quick, easy smile that can charm almost anyone. Despite his somewhat aloof demeanor, he is fiercely loyal to those he cares about and will go to great lengths to protect them. Jack had recently graduated from college and was struggling to find work in his field as more and more jobs were rapidly moving to automation. As he was scrolling through job listings on his tablet, he came across an ad for a job at the early development center. Without reading the details carefully, he assumed it was a regular daycare type of role and applied by uploading his details. Unfortunately, Jack had made an embarrassing rookie mistake when filling out the application. Instead of applying for a job at the development center, he mistakenly signed up for the potty training and early development program. The computer system was supposed to verify the applicant's age before successfully registering them, but due to a simple coding error within the systems’ source code, it failed to do so. As a result, the uploaded data to the system registered Jack as a toddler. It would only be 10 minutes later that Jack would receive the confirmation email informing him of his mistake. At first, Jack was confused and he attempted to contact the program to explain the mistake, but he couldn't get through to anyone as the system routed his call through a series of automated menus. These automated menus always ended him back to the original menu indicating a problem that would need a human to fix. He decided the best course of action was to walk to the program's office in person, hoping to clear things up. As he entered the office, he was greeted by an automated receptionist. He explained the situation, but the receptionist didn't understand. The system had already registered him, and there was no way to reverse it. The only option was to start the training program or face legal consequences for breaking the law. Jack was shocked to learn that the program was not just a voluntary service but mandatory by law for all children under the age of three. The system had been implemented as a way to ensure that all children received the same level of early education and care, regardless of their family's financial status. He was left with no choice but to accept the situation and start the training program. However, there was a catch. Since the system had registered him as a toddler, it was causing major coding faults to happen within the system. Code that hadn’t been reviewed and revised over decades begin to fault back to a non-production fail-safe subroutines that had not been updated since the completion of the system. Jack unhappily signed in and validating his identity using the biometrics scanner at the registration desk, a second robot came out and directed Jack to the intake room. In the room Jack was striped of his clothes before he was taken to the showers. A warm shower with a complete scrub down from head to toe was preformed by the robot. Once done with the shower, Jack was dried off and led over to a changing table. Before Jack arrived, the wall behind the changing table rotated and the once child sized table was swapped for one now in his size. “Great, just when I thought things couldn’t get worst” Jack said under his breath as his only hope that the center wouldn’t be able to accommodate his size begin to diminish. Jack hopped up on the table shivering a little bit from the cold plastic as he laid down. It was useless to fight the system as one way or another he was going to have to at least get into the main room in hopes of contacting someone. The machine quickly scanned Jack and a series of sounds happened beneath the changing table as the automated system searched for a diaper in his size. After a few minutes the system had found it’s answer as Jack, wide eyed watched as a generic scaled up version of a Huggies diaper is slid underneath him before pulling up between his crotch. With the closing of the second tape on his diaper the reality of his situation set in. Jack's mind raced with questions. How was he going to function like this? Would he be forced to go outside where people could see him? What if someone he knew saw him like this? The embarrassment alone was enough to make him want to crawl into a hole and never come out. As Jack was led out of the intake room, he realized that he was now dressed in a full toddler outfit. He was wearing a green short-sleeved onesie with snaps at the crotch, and a pair of bright yellow shorts with a cartoon character on the front. A pair of white socks and light up Velcro-strapped shoes completed the ensemble. Jack felt humiliated as he waddled along in his new outfit, feeling the bulky diaper between his legs. He was directed into a brightly lit room filled with toys, play mats, and small tables and chairs. Surprisingly, Jack was the only one in the playroom which Jack felt out of place as his town although small it definitely had growing families. Suddenly, a voice startled Jack as it boomed out over the room's speaker system, "Hello there little one, my name is Emily and I'll be your guide here at the center. How are you feeling?" Chapter 2: Acceptance Jack sat in the playroom, surrounded by toys and colorful objects that were meant for toddlers. He felt angry at himself for his mistake and how he could be so careless. He had never felt so helpless in his life. He couldn't believe that he was stuck in this situation, forced to go through potty training and education programs meant for young children. As he sat there, feeling sorry for himself, the door to the playroom opened, and a young woman walked in. She was in her mid-twenties, with blonde hair and blue eyes. She introduced herself as Emily, a teacher at the center. "Hi, I'm Emily. I'm sorry to meet you under these circumstances," she said, looking at Jack with sympathy. Jack didn't know how to respond. He was embarrassed and could easily feel his face turning 3 shades of red. He just nodded his head, hoping that she had a solution to his problem. Emily sat down next to him, sensing his unease. "I know this must be terrible for you, but I'm here to help you.” “We’re going to try and get you out of the system but to be honest it isn’t looking good." Jack couldn't believe what he was hearing. He sat in shock that the reality of being treated like a toddler was only getting more and more certain every minute. "Thank you," he said, surprised by her kindness. “There has to be a way out of this! I mean, I'm not a child. I shouldn't be here!" Emily looked at him with empathy. "I know, this isn’t right, but unfortunately, there's nothing we can do. The system is secure, and we’re trying everything we can to override it. “We’re attempting to reach out to anyone from the company that helped build the system but we’re running into walls”. “For now, you'll have to follow the potty-training program." Jack sighed, feeling hopeless." “But, how am I supposed to go through this?’ “I’m already potty trained and I’m not a toddler!" Emily understood his frustration. "I know it's terrible, but you’re going to have to try. The system is highly advanced and is designed to recognize patterns and behaviors, and if you don't act like toddler, it may mark your behavior as abnormal.” “If that happens it will only make getting you out of here even harder as it will assign you to a different class that we don't have access to.” “You have to go through the program like any other child while we work to get you out of here." Jack realized he had no choice. He would have to participate in the program, but he didn't know how he would manage to act like a toddler. He had never had little brother or even really been around small children to know how to act. Emily saw the look of despair on his face and decided to offer some comfort. "Look, I know this is not easy, but I promise to help you as much as I can. I'll be your teacher, and I'll make sure you're comfortable and happy.” “We'll work through this together." Jack felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe, with Emily's help, he could get through this. He smiled, feeling grateful for her kindness. "Thank you," he said. "I appreciate your offer of help" Emily smiled back but begin to look concern when Jack’s sighed. "I just don't even know how a toddler behaves so how am I’m going act like one? “I've never had a little brother or been around small children." Emily nodded in understanding. "No worries Jack. I'll help you as I’m pretty experienced in that category. In general, toddlers tend to be curious and playful, and they love to explore their environment. They also have short attention spans, so we'll keep things fun and interesting for you. We'll have to jump from play games, to reading stories, and other activities to try and meet that expectation." Jack smiled at the idea of playing games and actually having the time to read. "That sounds like it could be relaxing." Emily chuckled. "It will be. As for the potty training program.” “It’s divided into three sections: assessment, training, and qualification. The system will start with an assessment of your current skills to develop a plan that is tailored to you, and then move on to the training phase. “Once you've completed one level, you'll be able to move on to the next level." Jack felt a little relieved at the idea of the program being divided into sections. "Okay, that doesn't sound too bad." “Hopefully you guys can get me out of her before we even enter training phase and I just get to relax reading” Jack said as he relaxed his posture and leaned back in his playpen. Emily placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Well…” “The problem with the assessment phase is the system is looking for a specific behavior to ensure that the child is ready for potty training.” “Which means you’re going to have to act out those behaviors or the system will mark you as Not Ready”. “Not ready assessment is not what you want as that means you’re not going to be progressing and you’re stuck here.” Emily continued, "But this is a good thing, being qualified as “Not Ready” can be a fail-safe for us in the event you might be close to getting sent to a different class.” “Not Ready status ensures the child kept in the same class to avoid any further setbacks due to changing environments.” “We need go over the behaviors soon as the system begins the assessment phase the moment the child is dropped off.” “Know starting back at 0 is not ideal, but it's better than being sent to a different classroom." “I know I probably don’t want to know the answer but what would cause me to fall back to “Not Ready” status?” Jack asked with a bit of fear. Emily sensing the uneasiness from Jack answered “You’re not ready for that answer and we will cross that bridge if we have too”. Jack nodded, feeling a little more confident worried knowing that there was a way to prevent him from being stuck in this toddler program forever. "Okay, I understand." Emily smiled again. "Good. Now, let's get started on the assessment phase.

Back to school: Special edition [Note: This is a different approach to my other stories. Still with the medical regression sub-plot. Constructive feedback welcome] Being potty trained was a requirement for kindergarten. My parents put a lot of pressure on me to be potty trained. I was able to wear panties sometimes when I was in kindergarten but preferred pull-ups. Every evening, mom would diaper me. Any time I was feeling sick and stayed home, my mom diapered me. I would fuss and complain, unless the cold and flu meds made me too sleepy to care. Having a small accident didn’t seem like a bad thing. I got focused and began to forget about going potty. It felt normal to wet myself. It didn’t seem like thing my mom would get so annoyed about, but when she walked in, well, she was upset. I hadn’t been a good girl lately, a lot of tantrums over silly stuff, not wearing the clothes my mom asked me to, throwing tantrums. Not to mention a few small wetting accidents, just because I was lazy. I kind of hinted that I didn’t care, just to get more attention from mommy. My name is Del, or at least that’s what I’ll answer to. My full name is Madelyn. I hate being called Maddy, I’ve always been small for my age, and quite petite. I’d just turned 10, and still got thought of as a little girl, which I hated. I often got teased for being little, and even my friends joked that I had to buy my clothes in the children's section. I had always been the odd one out, not fitting in with kids my age, or the ‘little kids’, which only made me more moody and tantrum prone. At the same time, I tried to convince my mom I was a big girl, and didn’t need to be supervised or babysat constantly. Because of the pandemic, my school had shut down, and I did most of my schooling on the computer, with a few hours of scheduled lessons with my teachers. The rest was worksheets and reading assignments. The number of wet pull-ups, and wet panties, since all this started had increased significantly. She diapered me as reminder a few times, and I pretended to be upset, but was really just trying to be a bratty girl. It was just after my bath, when my mom came in to check on me, and finding me in wet panties on my bed, just playing on my Switch, and not caring about it, was the last straw for my mom. I’d pushed her too far. She insisted this wasn’t a punishment, but she wanted me feel babyish, until I wanted to be a good girl. This set in motion a series of events that would fulfill my dreams, more than I could have imagined. It was an experience that I will never forget. Another doctors visit planned: After finding me with wet panties, in a wet bed, from being lazy, my mom seemed annoyed, but didn’t yell, didn’t spank me, she just told me to wait on my bed. My mom planned on taking me to the doctors, again, to see if I was healthy, and if anything was causing my wetting accidents. The thing is that TV shows make going to the doctors sound like some fun experience. I get embarrassed and upset because the doctors and nurses do things that scare me, or want to look at my special places. I guess its because I have so many issues going potty. Being put a in diaper for a doctor visit isn’t unusual. What is a little surprising was my mommy expected me to have a soaked diaper from several wettings, when the nurse gets me ready for the doctor to examine me. I wondered why finding me in wet panties, again, made her book yet another doctors appointment, but then forgot all about it. Changes for me: After finding me with wet panties, again, in a wet bed because I was being lazy, my mom seemed annoyed, but didn’t yell, didn’t spank me, she just told me to wait on my bed, then came in and told me to follow her to her room. She had laid out a disposable underpad, some cloth diapers, booster pad, some plastic pants, and few other things. I was scared, partly because she usually changes me for bed in my room, not her room. I started feeling uneasy, that I was about to be spanked. “Can you take off your wet clothes, Maddy?” Mom calmly asked. “Umm… “ was all I could say, before wondering why she didn’t just say wet panties. My top wasn’t wet. I started crying. “All of the clothes… little girls shouldn’t be embarrassed with their parents seeing them without their clothes on!” Mom said without being entirely clear on her plans for me. “Mommy, Am I getting a spanking….for wetting myself?” I asked, starting to cry. I was scared, as I hadn’t been spanked for wetting myself before. “No spanking, unless you really misbehave!” She asked as I removed all my clothes. This was confusing for me, as mom was clearly annoyed. Mom picked me up, and carried me into the bath, which was already filled with warm water. I hadn’t actually been bathed by her in almost a year, and that was when I was sick with the flu. I might wear diapers to bed, but I can bath myself. She proceeded to wash me from head to my mid-section. “Lay down so mommy can clean your little girl parts.” She asked. “Mommy, this is embarrassing! I don’t need another bath! And I can bath myself!” I replied, turning red, with a mix of annoyance and embarrassment. “Maddy! You are mommy’s little girl, and you’ll be bathed and kept diapered like a little girl! Now let me wash your little girl parts, or are you trying to get spanked?” Mom answered, clearly annoyed. I hesitantly laid down and spread my legs so mommy could finish washing my girl parts. I squirmed a little as mommy finished washing my sensitive parts, and finished washing the rest of my body. She then wrapped me in a towel, and carried me to her bed, and laid me onto the pad. “Mommy, are you going to punish me for being bad?” I asked, trying not to cry. She was clearly annoyed at my wet panties earlier, but didn’t say much. “No Maddy.. I’m not trying to punish you. I want you to wear cloth diapers, so you feel the wetness, and then we’ll talk about what happens after that” her cryptic tone, and smile, didn’t reassure me. Mommy was considering changing schools, because I had so much trouble following the classes that were so full, the teacher wasn’t answering my questions properly, and the online lessons were even worse. The other main problem is because the school nurse got mad at me for needing a diaper changed, or put on after a wetting accident. A few months ago, I did a poopy diaper at school, and the nurse called mom to ask what my problem is. I couldn’t stop crying so had to be picked up from school early. Mom proceeded to put rash cream, and powder on my diaper area. I didn’t stay still, but that is normal for me. Mom assembled a cloth diaper, several different booster pads, and another cloth diaper liner. I cried as I realized how thickly I was being diapered, and how long I’d have to stay like this. I remembered when I was 6, and for Thanksgiving, mommy used a thick diaper for the car ride to visit Aunt Katherine’s house. I slept for most 3 hour ride, but had wet my diaper. When we arrived, and seeing me with an obvious diaper on, that was sagging from being wet. She commented that I was a good girl for wearing diapers for car rides, and some young girls need extra help and being taken care of. My younger cousins, potty trained late, and still wear pull-ups sometimes. Aunt Katherine was a nurse, and my mom allowed her to give me to receive a full medical exam, which was uncomfortable and embarrassing. The more I got upset, the more babyish she made things. After a week staying with my aunt, mommy kept me in diapers an additional week. Mommy was pretty nice about having to change my messy diapers, and my little girl behavior. I was awoken from these memories by mom putting on some rubber panties on me. Another cloth diaper was placed over them, keeping the diapers in place. What scared me more was these new panties, with a small locking clip. She slid these locking plastic panties on me, and secured them with a small lock. The last time she did this was when I was 8, and pulled off my night diapers. She was definitely mad that night. She helped me into a jumpsuit, that was a ‘gift’ from Aunt Katherine, and had a rear zipper. I cried as the jumpsuit zipper was locked into place. “Mommy, why are you doing this?” I asked, scared about what my mommy planned for me. “I want you to settle down, and feel like a little girl. Wet diapers are a natural part of that. If you want to be a big girl again, we can talk about that!” mom tried to explain all this to me, but I wasn’t really listening. The reason the I didn’t want to be back in diapers during the day is that if mom decides to diaper me, it could be a while for her to let me use the potty and wear panties again. As the pandemic lock down continued down through summer, she has said that getting me changed at school won’t be an issue for a while. As I was crying, she picked me up and carried me to my room. I’m pretty small, and my mom can pick me up and carry me around. Laid down on my bed, as the bulky diaper would have made it hard to walk. Mom tucked me into bed, and then left the room.

This is the first story I'll be posting here and I'm really excited to share what I've written! This is an ongoing story that looks at the intersection of identity, healing trauma, and regression through the lens of a newly awakened mage in a modern magical setting. - Vi Dark Rattle: Chapter 1 - Shadows (cw: gender dysphoria, familial trauma) Dark shadows draped the interior of a young mage’s cluttered studio apartment as the sun began to set. The mage lay motionless in bed, staring at the ceiling, wishing the night would come quicker. He held in his hands a strange object, resembling a ceremonial drum with a gourd tied around the stretched leather surface like a hybrid percussion stick and rattle. “You’re my ticket to a better life. Don’t disappoint me, or I will break you apart.” The mage whispered towards the relic in his hands. A small sound of beads moving slightly emanated from the device in response as a ray of sunlight spread across the bed from the sinking sun. The mage grinned wildly and began to speak once more. “The broker who sold you to me claims you are a spiritual tuner. I hope they’re right. I’ve been living in squalor with Jacob for almost a year now and I still haven’t had my awakening. I can perform parlor tricks at best.” The sound of rattling once again filled the room and the young mage began to shake with anger. “I’ve done everything Jacob has told me, I’ve severed the ties to my former life, I’ve moved into this shit apartment with him, and I’ve done all of his stupid rituals for nothing! I’m tired of it! I will become a modern practitioner of magic on my own terms, at my own pace! Fuck Jacob!” The rattling became stronger and a single thump of the drum responded to the last exclamation. It was then that the mage smiled wickedly and let out a cackle as his grasp on the relic tightened. “Yes! You understand! This is my journey and you will be the first tool of many I use to surpass Jacob and all the other snobbish mages that look down on me. Together we won’t hear another lecture of caution or of patience! Oh no, we’ll finally get the praise we deserve.” The rattling intensified and only stopped when footsteps in the hallway outside the apartment came to stop outside the door. With a quick jerk, the relic was shoved under the pillows beneath the mage, who then pretended to wake from a nap as his roommate entered the apartment. “Yo. You fall asleep while meditating again? Remember what I told you: focus is key.” Jacob said as he shut the door behind him and set down a handful of takeout bags on the crowded counter near the fridge. “And what gives with the dishes? I thought I asked you to clean them while I was at work?” “Jacob, I am not your maid. I’m here to learn what I need to and then move on with my journey as a mage.” “You might not be my maid, Andy, but you are my roommate until you learn to wield the power within you. And, since you’ve taken the longest out of anyone I've helped awaken to their powers, the least you could do to repay me for my trouble is to help out around the apartment.” Jacob retorted as he stuffed his takeout into the fridge. “You make it seem like I’ve done nothing to help you, Master. ” “Ew, cool it with that master and apprentice nonsense, this is the twenty-first century not some fake-ass fantasy novel. You’re my friend, not my apprentice. Now look, I got a date uptown and I plan to bring them back home for some good times. Can you promise me you’ll practice the incantations I taught you then find a place to crash tonight?” “Jacob, believe me, by the time you get back here with whatever poor soul you've stuck your talons into I will be long gone.” “Awesome. I’m off then, good luck studying!” Jacob replied after raising an eyebrow at Andy. Andy looked away and muttered an insult under his breath as Jacob sighed and gathered a few belongings into a bag. Andy watched Jacob as he pulled a small piece of chalk from his bag. With a flourish and a few words of power, he drew an outline of a rectangle into the air and in a flash it assumed the form of a door. Jacob smiled and waved goodbye to Andy who simply turned his head away, feigning indifference as Jacob opened the door and stepped into an alleyway in another part of the city. As the door shut behind Jacob, the chalk outline ceased, its glowing aura evaporating in a cloud of dust. Andy produced the relic from under his pillows and placed it flat on his bed before getting up to rummage through the fridge. “Ugh, what a slut. And it's just like Jacob to constantly think of himself and not get me anything! I bet he won’t mind if I take a few bites of his food, he can always conjure more.” Andy chuckled and began scarfing down the food within the small containers. Absorbed in this act of petty vengeance, Andy failed to notice the relic trembling softly as the last ray of light expired during the sun's disappearance from the sky. By the time the thumping noise was audible to Andy, it was already too late. “Hey, what are you doing? I didn’t command you to make noise!” Andy exclaimed through a mouth full of food. As he moved across the apartment to reach his bed, he realized something strange was happening. His foot struck a pile of books on the floor and he fell forward unto the ground, spewing food from his mouth and spilling the takeout container onto the floor. “Fuck!” exclaimed a voice that sounded very different than the one Andy was used to hearing. As the relic began to play a steady beat and the rattling became a vibration that echoed within Andy’s skull, he found it difficult to regain his composure and rise up from the floor. By the time Andy had gotten his feet under him, he realized the bed was almost the same height as himself. He reached out desperately towards the relic, his fingers just barely brushing the rattle as it shook and drummed against itself of its own accord, before he collapsed onto the floor. Visions of dancers in ceremonial garb from an age long past filled Andy’s mind as he writhed in pain, knocking over stacks of books and occult clutter across the apartment. The dancers marched around a blazing fire that seemed to reach up into the twilight sky and lick the strange twinkling stars that had appeared above him. Andy’s mind began to buckle under the weight of his vision and the sound of chanting in a foreign tongue permeated his thoughts. He cried out in pain, but the sound was closer to the screaming of a newly born infant. The stars overhead descended one-by-one into the fire, and Andy saw the body of a small toddler within the flames, being filled with the knowledge and power of the universe. He had just enough time to recognize that this was his awakening, before all conscious thought left his mind. In the middle of the floor, amidst a pile of messy clothing and scattered books lay the newly awakened mage. Their eyes fluttered open and darted around a now unfamiliar landscape. Their head felt as though it were aflame with thoughts that were too complex to understand. They attempted to stand but their body faltered under their effort almost immediately. When taking in their surroundings, the mage quickly realized something was horribly amiss, as they were no longer clothed and they seemed diminutive compared to their surroundings. With horror they held their fingers next to a nearby book and found the spine was bigger than they could hold with one hand. In an attempt to calm themselves they began moving their hands across their body, starting with their face which now had a layer of fat that had not existed just moments prior. A small tuft of hair arose from their scalp, but beyond that they had lost the rest of the hair on their head, including the full beard that had taken them months to grow. A plump roundness of the belly now protruded from beneath their upper torso, and chubby legs stuck out from under their body. With a sudden jerking motion they squished their stomach flat and stared in disbelief at what lay below. “Am I a girl now?” the mage attempted to say, but the words came out in a squished and garbled mess of mewling and gaggling. They explored several other utterances with mounting suspicion and disgust as they realized they could no longer speak coherently. With a sinking feeling, the mage determined that they had somehow become the young infant from their awakening vision. Once more they tried in vain to stand, falling back onto their butt just as soon as they lifted themselves off the ground. They let out a cry of shock and anguish, tears streaming down their uncharacteristically rosy cheeks. The sensations they felt now seemed incredibly vivid and more visceral. The rejuvenation of the body to match their spiritual form was too much to take and revulsion filled them as they realized the consequences of their forced transformation. As the moments passed, they grew more and more upset, their wailing becoming ear splitting and their discomfort growing. It was only when a long gaseous fart erupted from them that they were roused from their sorrow. The discomfort that was stirring within them was more than just disgust at their new form, but a sudden intense urge to vacate their bowels. The mage struggled to stand again, and fell forward onto their hands and knees. They desperately looked around for something to help them stand as they cursed their weak limbs. The mage’s eyes caught sight of the relic atop their bed that now loomed above them like a mountain. They needed to crane their neck all the way back to take in the immense size and shape of the bed, and despair filled them once more. The thought of climbing up to the relic seemed impossible, but they could think of no other way to attempt to undo the magic that had been woven into their body. Magic! That’s it! With a happy giggle that went undetected by the mage, they set to work locating a book of incantations amongst the scattered texts on the floor. The mounting sounds of indigestion shook their body and they quickly crawled over to a thick leather-bound book from the 13th century that contained a number of spells for the young mage to practice. The book had always been one of their favorites as an adult for its beautiful illustrations, a detail which they had kept a secret for fear of being accused of only enjoying the text for its pictures and not its esoteric contents. Upon opening the book the mage was left dumbstruck by the illustrations they now saw. The shapes and lines seemed to move across the pictures of mages conjuring spells and weaving reality. The colors shifted as though animated on the page in hues from unknowable spectra of vivid light. The young mage relished in delight at the discovery that their perception had become altered by their spiritual awakening, and they celebrated their ascension to true magical mastery with a set of adorable cooing noises. They patted the pictures with trusting enthusiasm as the colors and shapes bended to their touch. Only the sounds of their stomach’s imminent need to empty its contents across the floor brought them back to their senses. A wave of repulsion spread out from the mage’s inner sense of self. They questioned their body’s lack of self control and were jarringly brought back to the reality of their situation. If they did not quickly revert back to their previous body they would be utterly lost as their mind continued to regress. The image of them lying in their own shit in the apartment as an infant, when Jacob brought home his latest catch of the night, was too much for the young mage to handle. They would not allow themselves to be the laughing stock of the mage community for the rest of their life. Not after they had sacrificed so much in their journey towards enlightenment! They frantically turned their attention back towards the book to see what spells they could cast to counter or somehow reverse the magical effects of the relic, only to cry out in terror. They stared at the strange runes of the book, reduced to indecipherable blotches. They could not read words in this language any longer as their mind released its grip on rational thought and linear memory. However, simultaneous to this it was also expanding into understanding other abstract and impressionistic memories of their experience from their awakening into true mysticism. Runic symbols from ages long lost flooded their mage's mind like night stars alighting in the sky after the sun has set and before the moon appears to blot out the twilight. They remembered the lives of powerful mages whom they had never heard of prior to their awakening. They were losing the ability to do long division and more advanced mathematics for a wider mental vocabulary surrounding the way the seasons shift from Spring to Summer, a metaphor for their own rebirth that was not lost to them in that moment. Ideas for spells and rituals flooded their mind as the details of the past year became more and more difficult to recall. To center themselves they began the process of casting a spell that came to mind during their period of revelation. They attempted an incantation that they could still remember and awkwardly gestured with their tiny hands to mimic what they had been taught. To their surprise, the incantation finally worked for them and a streak of light materialized in the space between their hands. They willed the color to change and it shifted between brilliant warm hues. Burnt sienna gave way to a rich dark orange and the mage laughed with euphoria at having cast their first spell. The sound of their laughter caught them unguarded, as it pulled at memories lost to them since their early childhood. Brief flashes of their joy in manipulating conjuration and illusion magic as an infant enveloped their mind, and they were left awestruck as the colors of the spell before them flickered violently between different extremes of vermillion and deep sea blue. To their horror they realized that they had cast spells prior to this, as a young infant whose parents were absolutely contemptuous and terrified of their child’s gift. Despite being so young, they remembered long periods, sometimes entire days, when they were locked in their small bedroom in a misshapen crib. They would cast small enchantments and rudimentary spells to comfort themselves, but they were powerless to affect material change to their conditions. Their emotions swirled inside them with the intensity of a violent hurricane. They questioned why their parents could have been so negligent, and at what age they had begun unconsciously suppressing their abilities to receive the affection and love that their parents had starved them of. The streak of color that had been conjured before them evolved once more in hue and saturation to match their distress and formed a weightless blanket around them. A longing had finally been answered with comfort and warmth, and in that moment they briefly forgot the trauma they had endured and the journey they had taken to awaken to their inner truth. The spell allowed them to enter a state of relief, which had they been less distraught they would have been vehemently against. By the time they realized what they had done, there was no changing course. They felt their stomach lurch forward, and before they could physically react, their bowels exploded outwards. They let out a howl as matter poured from their body. In their rejuvenated form they felt a sensation of immense pleasure and satisfaction as their body moved to vacate its waste. However, mentally they were overwhelmingly upset and they tried to give voice to their frustration, but could only muster a yelp that caused drool to slip down the side of their chin. The shame and disgust within them was reflected in the magical blanket of light wrapped around them as it alternated between a jaundiced yellow and a vomitous green. It was then that a thin line of white pierced the air in front and above the mage whose tears were now causing ripples in the floating imagery around them. The resulting door that was carved out of the air allowed Jacob to return to the apartment, carried by a bulky bodied bear of a man. Jacob stroked the man’s chest and pulled at his exposed brown chest hair. Their hopes of time alone were unceremoniously dashed by recognition of a powerful stench. Jacob looked down to find the apartment in complete disarray. His takeout was left smeared across the kitchen counter and the laminate floor beneath it. Books were tossed about across every surface available, many left carelessly open and left together without purpose. An ivory and black jewel encrusted tribal drum with a small attached gourd rattle made a percussive beat that echoed around the room. And in the middle of it all was an infant crying out in despair atop a pile of soiled clothes. "Andy?!" Jacob gasped, slipping out of their midnight lover's arms to reach down to the infant mage and scoop them up into his hands. As Jacob picked the infant up, their minor prestidigitation of light evaporated, revealing their entire new form for both men to observe. "Or should I say… Annie?" A shrewd smile spreading across his face upon examining his roommate's new body. "You didn't tell me you had a tyke. I'm guessing you'd want me gone?" The gruff man behind Jacob remarked, producing chalk of his own. "Oh! Well, this is my daughter Annie! She's a new addition to my life, but I love her very much and she has just made me very proud actually! You wouldn't hold a single father responsible for the mess a talented baby can cause unsupervised—would you?" "Only if that single father agrees to never leave their little girl unattended again! I'm surprised though, Jacob. You never struck me as a parent." The infantile mage squirmed in the hands of their teacher and former roommate. They wanted to puke at the new name they had been given, and yet they felt something else behind their shame. They looked at Jacob with hatred behind tear stained eyes and tried to communicate with them, but only managed a small gurgle. "Don't you worry, Annie. I'm going to get you cleaned up and put you to bed while me and Alexander have some time together." "You still wanna go through with tonight?" "Annie here is a sweet little girl who is up way past her bedtime! With just a bit of magic, she'll be too busy playing poker with Merlin in her dreams to cause any more fuss." "Good. You know, to be honest, I didn't want to give you up to a certain little harlot." Alexander snickered. He then picked the infant mage up from Jacob's hands. The exchange happened so fast that the young mage was too shocked to protest. Jacob lifted a hand and a glowing aura encircled his hands and forehead. Small beads of glowing matter swirled into the air before Jacob as the books were rearranged and the entire room was transformed from a cramped bachelor pad in disarray to a gorgeous spacious apartment with adjoining rooms. With pools of pale fog, dimmed lights, and rose petals swirling around a bed of satin sheets visible in the newly conjured master bedroom, Jacob slowed the transformation spell down and looked to Alexander for approval. Alexander smiled at the sight of the bed and slowly repositioned the infant in his hands into a position on their back in midair, suspended from what seemed like invisible wires. With a quick flourish of his right hand, Alexander conjured a small garment into his grasp. The baby mage struggled against the firm hold of Alexander's magic to no avail as the older mage cleaned and diapered her. Within the mage's mind a battle of conflicting thoughts and sensations arose. Embarrassment and shame swirled against pure delight at being cleaned and wrapped in the smooth satin cloth. The sensation of the cloth tying itself around their body brought forth emotions that had long been forgotten in the mage's mind. Feelings of comfort, security, and love surged inside of them in a way that they had not felt since early childhood. The smooth material of the diaper made them cease their struggling and they absently stuck a thumb into their mouth without realizing they had done so. In their tender reflection a lost memory emerged of being called Annie during their prior infancy. As a young child, the mage's family members had always teased them with the name Annie until they grew into an older and much meaner child. The name originally came about during the period of time when they were still being brought to term, as their mother had insisted she would be giving birth to a girl and had chosen the name Annie for her child. Warm thoughts of being held in the womb and hearing the comforting sounds of their mother whispering the same name that Jacob and Alexander had begun calling them seemed to lull the mage into a trance where they simply laid back and allowed themselves to be overcome with happiness and bliss. New thoughts emerged as they remembered more and more of their early childhood. They had been bullied and called names for being too feminine as a little kid and while these thoughts had once brought intense shame and rage, they seemed to mean nothing to them now. In fact, given their current position, it was comical enough to cause them to giggle. Alexander noticed the infant’s mewling and smiled warmly down at the child. Alexander began tickling the toddler across their stomach and the young mage seemed absolutely delighted with the action. A small voice within them screamed in agony at the situation, but it was growing distant and beginning to recede, lost in the intensity of newfound comforting emotions. The mage found that they could accept that they were a girl now, perhaps even recognize that they were always meant to be a girl, but had been too terrified before to ever consider the possibility. Jacob had often asked them if they were living in their own deception and now it seemed to click in their awoken mind. Yet despite the gradual comfort of the name and change, the image of themselves being diapered was still too much to process fully. The voice that had screamed in defiance came back to the forefront of their mind and they began swinging their hands wildly against Alexander's tickling embrace. The motion was wasted as a deterrent, but the act brought their attention back to their surroundings. They realized that they had lost their opportunity to fight off the diapering, as the material was now snugly slipped into place around their waist. While Annie pawed in futility against the diaper wrapped firmly around their bottom, feeling the satin glide across her skin and begrudgingly releasing a coo of delight, Jacob orchestrated his magic towards the ever growing matter surrounding his hand. In a swift and graceful bow he completed the transformation spell by conjuring a bright pink crib with soft blankets, a mobile of stars and the moon, a teddy to match the crib, and a golden pacifier between his fingers. Seeing this, Alexander waved his hands around Annie and made an exaggerated gasp and exhale which coincided with an invisible force gently rocking Annie over and into their new crib. Jacob placed a hand over Annie and as soon as she opened her mouth to protest and inserted the golden pacifier into her mouth. Annie struggled to remove the pacifier but found herself unable to pry it free. Fighting against the urge to suckle and the exhausted weight under their eyes, Annie looked up towards the mobile and saw both Jacob and Alexander grinning above her. The blankets began to swirl and and swaddle Annie into a cocoon. Despite knowing she was stronger then the blankets, Annie's limbs felt heavier than lead. Alexander moved towards the rose covered bed in the other room, gliding a hand across Jacob's face as they departed from the crib. Jacob blew a kiss after him before turning his attention towards Annie. "Don't think I didn't see your little artifact on the bed. Using a crutch to awaken has consequences, as you are now aware of. If I had known you would be swayed by such folly I would have been more firm in my warnings, but now we are here. Your mind is likely going to change very much now, and you'll need more attention and guidance than you needed before. And don't worry little one, I won't tell a soul you shit yourself when you awakened, so long as someone continues to behave like a good little girl!" Jacob switched on the mobile as Annie tried to speak through their pacifier, to give some indication that they had retained their awareness through their rejuvenation but the pacifier in their mouth clamped their lips firmly around it. Annie watched through a narrow slit between the bars of her crib, as Jacob and Alexander began embracing each other in the doorway to the bedroom. As clothes began to be pulled off, the mages began inciting incantations, conjuring small lights and warmth to spread around their bodies as they entered a state of magical euphoria. They pair moved in synchronized motion into the bedroom and disappeared from Annie's view. She remembered how upset and revolted she had been when she discovered that Jacob was gay. Though as she reflected she began to realize that the emotions within herself were becoming clearer. The longing that existed within her for the power that Jacob could wield magically was not the only reason for their jealousy. The freedom Jacob had as an openly queer man was more sexual liberating then Annie had ever imagined would be possible, especially for herself. Annie's own attraction towards dating men had boiled rage and envy within her since the first string of hook ups that Jacob brought home in the time they had both lived together. Annie felt more tired then she could ever remember being as an adult. As she reached the edge of waking and sleeping, she heard Jacob's voice enter her head and whisper softly, "Rest well little one, you've a new life to live come the next dawn." Annie tried to say they were sorry for the multitude of aggressions and insincerity they had shown their caretaker, and that they felt horrible that they could ever have been so cruel to Jacob, but their thoughts were already drifting towards sleep. Jacob simply smiled from the bed beside his sleeping lover and let the connection between him and Annie cease. He closed his eyes and said in a soft voice, "I know Annie, you're forgiven. I'll tell you a thousand times over if I have to. I'll show you how wonderful this life can be with love and a bit of magic."