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Hello all. Here's a story I've been working on. I'm posting it another place as well, but figured no harm in having more eyes look it over. This story has a magical realism thing going on. Adult language, sexual situations, and violence are elements of this story as well. So, forewarned = forlorn and all that. Hope you enjoy. -malus Prologue: “How is it where you are, my precious boy?” the feminine voice was soft, kind, and strangely resonant. He paused for a moment before answering her, and watched as the sky drifted into focus - a collision of colors; violet, amber, magenta, and orange. Dawn and dusk, noon and night met and mingled as bright stars sparkled. “Different” he felt himself say. His words and movements were not his, he felt. His gaze drifted as he leaned his head back and beheld her delicate face, with those eyes of green which blazed with adoration and something near mischief. “How so, sweetest of all?” Her full lips spread wide as she smiled lovingly. His nostrils flared as he breathed in. Lavender. She always smelled of lavender. “It’s…more.” His voice came out distant. He tried not to think about it. He didn’t want to be where his thoughts would lead. His gaze was pleading as he took in her impossible loveliness. She laughed brightly. “More…what?” she pried as she traced a long, slender finger over his pouty lips. The odor of talcum mingled with the prevailing scent of lavender. He relaxed into the fragrance. “More everything. Moreness. More Substantial…more hard.” He answered in a choked whisper. Tears welling in his eyes. “That will change soon, little one” Her smile was sad. The words could hardly leave his mouth “I’ve missed you.” He tried to reach out to her only to find that his limbs were frozen. Her aspect suddenly solemn, she said “You will know me soon”. The words were not the succor that he needed. He wanted her to hold him close. “Don’t go” he begged in a thin squeak. Panic rising within him, her warmth diminished as she started to fade away. Tears rolled down her high, regal cheeks “I am not the one that is going, precious creature.” Once more she smiled sadly, leaning in to kiss his forehead. He never felt her lips. He was dissolving as the lunatic sky shimmered, its colors muddling and mixing, becoming darker with each moment. Coldness remained in the absence of her warmth. Something musty replaced her scent. Darkness reigned. He still could not move. Nor could he breathe. Chapter One Nathaniel Carmichael woke with a sharp, greedy inhalation. Promptly following was a low moan which was equal parts terror and longing. A few rapid, ragged gasps followed as moan became a soft whimper. He regained his senses, awake now, in his bed; cold and wet. Sighing as he starred at his ceiling, the dim, azure light of dawn let him know that it was about five in the morning. As much as he hated waking up wet, he needed a moment to find himself. It had happened again, the third time in four weeks. Nathan pulled back his blanket and gazed down at his soaking wet boxers, as well as the large wet patch on his sheets. After a few more moments he rolled out of bed, and stripped the sheets with practiced efficiency. “Mattress is ruined” he thought as he padded down the hallway of his apartment “Third time in a month. Over 12 this year. God damn it.” Stuffing his soiled sheets and wet boxers into the tiny washing machine located in one of the hall closets, Nathaniel sleepily puzzled over the meaning of what was happening to him. He had this dream, on and off, since his mid-teens. It wasn’t always the same, but she was always there, whoever she was. He always woke up soaked, too. His best guess is that it was some kind of reaction to finding out he was adopted. He had taken enough 100 and 200 level Psych classes to provide himself an armchair analysis of his problem. While his adoptive parents were kind and provided a loving home, finding out he was not theirs put his identity in crisis. Not knowing what he could trust in the world, he created some fantasy mother-type character in his dreams. The end of each dream was the same. She would go away, and he would wake up terrified, half choking, and wet. The problem with that analysis is that she always told him that it was Nathaniel who was going. Still, it made enough sense; abandonment, mommy issues, Freud and all that bullshit. Also, Nathaniel did not think of himself as being especially bothered about being adopted. He loved his parents. Walking into his bathroom, Nathaniel frowned in the faint glow of the bathroom’s night light. He looked at his slender form in the mirror. Broad ribcage, narrow waist, and a surprisingly ample bottom for someone of his build...Nathaniel Carmichael was a handsome, rather pretty, young man. He blinked at his reflection, and a finely featured face with a strong chin, expressive hazel eyes, high cheekbones, and a wild mop of thick ringlet curls, blinked back. “You’re too old for this shit, Nate” he admonished himself in the best grizzled old man affect he could manage. After relieving himself in the bathroom, Nathaniel returned to his bedroom. He donned a clean, dry pair of boxer briefs, and fetched a composition book from his bedside table. He then went to his living room, and sitting on his couch wrote in his book Had dream Again. Dinner was a salad and turkey sandwich. Fluids after 6 were three glasses of water, glass of wine. Tomorrow – get plastic sheet and other stuff. Make shrink appointment? He turned on the television, and put it on some quiet show about the history of Russia or something. Nathaniel was not paying particular attention to the program. He just wanted a distraction to sleep to. Some noise to keep his thoughts away from her, and that wild sky, and the dreadfulness of parting ways. Chapter Two The morning routine - coffee, shower, dress, more coffee, drive to work. Groggy as he was, Nathaniel found it easy to not dwell too much on last night’s dream. His job as assistant manager at little corner candy shop in the town mall was not especially strenuous, just retail - a kind of work that came with its own frustrations. Nathaniel made just enough to afford his relatively Spartan lifestyle, though he would occasionally need some help from his parents when his car insurance, or some other large bill, was due. Come lunch time, Nathaniel flipped through the phone book in the small backroom of the store. He first searched for a pharmacy, and was struck by the name Gonne Apothecary. It had an antiquated kind of affect that tickled him. Even if they didn’t have what he needed, it might be a weird and neat place to visit. The address indicated it was near enough to work, so he called to find out about their hours. “Thank you for calling Gonne Apothecary, your independent source for all of your health needs. This is Heather, how may I help you?” the voice was pleasant and lilting with the practiced enthusiasm of someone who had been answering phones for some time. “Uh, hi. I just wanted to see what your hours are?” “We close at nine tonight, and we’re open 10-9 Monday through Friday; noon till six, Saturday, and noon till four, Sunday” Heather replied promptly. “Is there anything else I can help you with?” She chirped. “No…um, that’s all” he said before adding “Thanks.” He had considered asking if they had what he was looking specifically looking for, but shame kept him from it. “Welcome! Bye now” Heather ended the conversation with warm finality. Nathan flipped through the counseling section of the phone book. He didn’t have any recommendations, so he was mostly looking for a shrink that was close to work or home. It took a while before he found someone, Alexander Weinack, M.D. He called, and after a few rings, went to voicemail. “Hi there…This is Nathan Carmichael. I’m having a few” he paused “problems and was just looking for someone to sort it out with.” He spoke into the machine. He went on to provide his insurance information, and his cell phone number. Those tasks out of the way, Nathan went on with his day. Clocking out at 4, he bid his co-workers a good night, and drove to Gonne Apothecary. Gonne Apothecary sat in a rundown strip mall, sharing the building with a CPA, a nail salon that appeared closed, and a vacant space for rent. The apothecary itself seemed closed as well, its windows tinted in such a way that no interior lights could be seen from the outside. The only hint that it was open was a little read sign hanging on the front door that stated as much. “Don’t see how they could stay in business like this” Nathaniel thought as he parked. He was having second thoughts. On one hand, he could use something to protect his already ruined mattress. His four years of being single would continue on for a while if he brought women to his place and his bed smelled like a toddler going through a rough patch in his potty training. On the other hand, he’d never bought anything related to his intermittent problem. His mom took care of the mattress protector when he lived at home, and he didn’t wet that often when he was on his own…well, until recently. “They’re professionals. They won’t laugh. It’s for someone else, or something. Besides, it’s not like I’ll see any friends in here” he thought, a touch sardonically. A bell chimed as he entered the apothecary. Nathaniel felt a bit of disappointment as he entered the place, finding it to look much like a normal pharmacy; the floor linoleum, the walls white, the air anti-septic, and the tall shelving units ecru. He was hoping for dark, stained wood and drawers filled with obscure reagents. Despite his initial disappointment, the place seemed well stocked, and the shelves were tall, which blocked the line of site to the counter at the back. It was a mercy for privacy, but not a good way to prevent theft, Nathaniel surmised as he glanced about for the incontinence section. He quickly found it, against a wall of, thoughtfully tucked away from casual view. All sorts of products, ranging from gloves and wipes to catheters and leg bags were in the section, and each range of product was helpfully labeled. He tried to be quick about getting what he needed, and was relieved to find Mattress Protectors/Bed Pads. While Nathan was trying to be quick, he was trying to be casual as well. “Don’t want to act all weird” he thought, which was quickly followed by “maybe this is acting weird. Just pick something and go”. Nathaniel grabbed the most visually striking package that had ‘Double’ written on it, and quickly regretted his choice. KeepDry Mattress Cover from LeakPro he cringed as he read and looked at the package containing the vinyl mattress cover. It showed a night sky, with an oversized moon, and cartoon stars. Rather than feeling like an adult with a medical problem, Nathan felt, for the first time since his ex left him, like a bedwetter. He sighed as he felt his shame burn in his face. “No one’s seen me. I’ll just leave. Can’t deal with this now” Nathan thought to himself as he started to replace the package. “There you are” said a voice from behind. Feminine and soft, kind and adoring, the voice held Nathaniel fast. He gasped softly in surprise as goose bumps arose on his arms and the back of his neck, and the gentle fragrance of lavender filled his nose. For nine years, he had heard her voice. For nine years, he had begged her not to leave. Nine years, she was the reason he was here. Gently, with a just a hint of chiding, she added “I’ve been looking all over for you.” Chapter Three Falling from Nathaniel’s hand, the mattress cover hit the linoleum floor with a smack. He swallowed hard, as a thin sheen of sweat formed on his brow. His knees felt weak, and goose bumps continued to form on his skin. “Can’t be! It sound just like. Holy shit! Fuck I just dropped! Gah!” Nathan’s thoughts roared all at once. “Oh! I didn’t mean to startle you. I heard the bell, and knew someone had to be about. Let me help with that.” She said kindly. Nathan stood stock still as the woman moved beside him and bent over to retrieve the mattress cover. Despite himself, he made a quiet noise that sounded like a groan and a whimper as he watched her. As she stood up, he couldn’t help but stare. She seemed to be in her late twenties or early thirties, at a glance. Her black hair was bound in a loose bun. Errant strands of hair hung down, framing her face. The shape of her face was not that of the face in his dreams. This woman’s face had fuller cheeks, a more drastic jaw line, and the nose was more button like. It was on the whole, a more heart shaped. Her eyes, however, were the same enchanting green which stood in contrast to cream colored skin. Nathaniel stared into those eyes as his heart raced. Images of kaleidoscopic skies casting schizophrenic arrays of gloam and bright over familiar, alien, landscapes flashed through his mind’s eye. He could see her lips moving as a look of concern crossed her face. “…such a freight. Are you faint? Do you need to sit down?” Nathan caught only the last part of what she was saying, enough to know that he should respond to her question. He shook his head no in response to her question. “Poor thing” she said sympathetically “I should really get louder shoes. Heather is always complaining that she can never hear me when I come by” she continued. Nathaniel blinked a few times as he fought to regain his composure. He had to say something. Not saying something was definitely not normal. He didn’t want to be weird. He couldn’t say “I’ve dreamed of you”, that’s what a crazy person says. “Hhhhhh Hi” he stuttered out, a bit lamely “i-it’s alright. I, uh, just, uh…I was just lost in thought. I just need some, um, things.” He looked down at the woman’s hands, and noticed that she had a lab coat over her clothes, which concealed her figure. He also noticed that she was on the tall side for a woman. Not wanting to ogle more than he had, Nathan glanced at the shelf of mattress covers and bed pads, as his cheeks flushed. “I can tell” The woman said with a smirk “I just wanted to see if you needed help finding the best products to suit your needs.” She shifted the mattress cover in her hand as she joined Nathaniel in looking at the shelf. “I just need something for the night.” The indirect admission of his problem came from Nathaniel unbidden. All hope of playing it cool was lost now; he had essentially just told this woman he wet the bed. “I see. Well…This will certainly keep your mattress dry. It is one of the more durable products we have, though a touch on the noisy side” The woman offered Nathaniel a smile that was at once coy and kind. “My name is Anya, by the way; Anya Gonne. I would be happy to help you get whatever you need, or advise you in product selection, if you wish” “I’m Nathaniel” He replied, mentally kicking himself afterwards. He cleared his throat, and looked at Anya again. ‘She wants to help you. Just ask her to help you’ Nathaniel thought in a voice that wasn’t his. She was smiling softly at him. “Could you help me, please?” He asked as he looked at her, losing himself for a few moments as he looked into her eyes. She beamed happily at him. “Of course I can. Now, Nathaniel. Do you wet very often?” “Oh, I…No. I mean, recently, yes.” He replied. He wanted to take back asking her for help. He was unsure why he even asked. Was he losing his mind? Yet, he couldn’t figure out a way to gracefully back-peddle out of the situation. Anya’s smile took on a coy aspect once again. “I see. Well, a mattress cover will protect your mattress. However, it won’t keep your bedding, or yourself, dry. If you’re having more frequent night time accidents, I have some products over here that might help.” Anya led Nathan to some adjacent shelves. Nathan swallowed hard as he looked at the contents of the shelves. He knew well enough that these were diapers for adults, the kind of thing that old people wore. During one of her more cruel moments, his ex had joked about making him wear something like these. “God, I should put you in some old man Pampers , or something” she ridiculed. His heart continued to race, and he felt a swell of panic. Maybe he could run. “Do you wet much, Nathan?” Anya asked casually, as if it were a normal topic of conversation. Her voice kept his feet still, and the urge to run diminished. “Huh? Oh…yes.” He cringed, wondering what precisely motivated him to admit that. “I assume you’ve seen the doctor? “ Anya’s statement, phrased as a question, contained a maternal note of menace. “Oh, well, I’m, uh, working on that” Nathan blushed. He didn’t look too closely at the packages, most of them having labels like Assure, Abena, Dignity, UltraDry, Freedom, Gentle Care… “Tsk-tsk” Anya admonished “Do that immediately. We want to get to the bottom of this, don’t we?” her question rhetorical. Anya handed the mattress cover to Nathaniel, which he accepted in an automatic fashion. She then reached for a package as she said “In the mean time, you may want to wear these to bed. These are just like normal underwear, only a bit more absorbent. If you wet, your sheets will stay dry, and you may sleep a little better.” Anya’s smile was peculiar, her tone consoling. Nathan swallowed hard. His mouth felt rather dry. He managed a weak nod in response to Anya, hoping this would be over soon. The odor of lavender seemed to linger in the air, he noticed. “Come now, let me get these bagged up for you” Anya said softly as he she led Nathan to the back of the store where the cash wrap was located. She placed Nathan’s pull ups and mattress cover in two separate, opaque, black bags and handed them to him. “I’ve put my card in the bag with your pull ups. If you need anything else, please feel free to call whenever you like” she said to Nathan in a reassuring, almost tender, voice. Nathaniel nodded again and managed a “Uh huh.” Once he had his bags, he left the apothecary as quickly as his shaking legs would take him without completely abandoning his composure. Throwing his bags into the passenger seat of his car, Nathan buckled up and drove home. Questions roiling through his mind: ‘Oh God. What the fuck was that? Did that just happen? Who was she? I’m crazy. This is crazy. Dream women don’t happen. I dream of that voice, and I hear it the next day. My mind is fucking with me. Wait? Was she supposed to act like that? Was that professional? Agh!’ All during the drive home, and once at home until it was nearly time for bed, Nathan asked himself the questions came up again and again. Each time, they went unanswered. Strangest of all was that not at any point did he wonder why she did not make him pay.