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Chapter 1: With her lips pressed against the glass bottle, she took a large gulp. Emma didn’t know what she was drinking but only that it made her feel good. It made her feel numb. Her throat burned but she continued to drink, wanting to forget everything. Everyone. The room spun around and around and little twinkly lights sparkled in her eyes. The girl was aware that she was dead drunk. She was also aware that her best friend, Hannah was slumped over against Jack, more drunk than she. They’d broken up just yesterday. It was an ugly, sad fight that had not ended on the right note. But she had not expected him to move on so quickly. Not with Hannah. Never with her self declared sister. Emma giggled so hard that tears formed in her eyes and the bottle slipped from her hand, crashing into a million pieces, but nobody seemed to notice. Nobody ever noticed. Shouts sounded from the back porch. A game of beer pong was being played and In the kitchen, people mixed different drinks together, creating a cocktail of god-knows-what. But Emma stood in the living room. She hissed as the glass shards cut into her bare feet. The slight pain soon became overwhelming as the music pounded in her ears, sending a pulsing beat all the way to her soul. Her body swayed back and forth among the crowd of people. Now, she wasn’t usually into frat parties but was known to let loose every once in a while; and if she was desperate enough then would drink. She glared at the two of them as they sucked each other's faces and his hands groped her body. Emma had given Hannah the dress to borrow. It had never been a favorite of hers because it was too sparkly and tight. But it was exactly her friend’s style. Emma didn’t want it back now. She’d rather burn the damn outfit. Her feet moved on their own accord until she found herself outside, standing in the front yard. The grass was littered with red solo cups and over a dozen cars were parked in the driveway. She sat down and laid back, staring up at the starless night sky. “Emma?” Her head turned to the right. It was Julie Watkins. They were friends… kind of. “What’s wrong?” her eyebrows furrowed together. “You’re crying.” Was she? Her hand hovered below her blue eyes and fingertips were wet. She was. Julie sat down beside her. She was a nice girl. Her thick curly brown hair was pulled back into a long braid that snaked down her back. Her face was narrow, skin pale, and nose long and pointy. “I like your outfit.” Emma sloppily smiled. It was just a graphic t-shirt and denim skirt. Julie laughed. “I like your outfit as well.” Julie was nice. Everyone liked Julie, it was hard not to. Emma wore a plain black halter top and skinny jeans. She wasn’t quite sure where her shoes had gone. “Do you want to tell me why you’re out here crying?” the girl tried again. Emma shrugged. “Did you see Hannah and Jack?” “They’re drunk. I’m sure by tomorrow they won’t remember any of this.” Julie was too kind. How come she couldn’t be her best friend? “My parents are also getting divorced!” she blurted before she could stop herself. Her kind-of-friend was very understanding but Hannah had never been. Fuck Hannah Flynn. Fretfully, she tugged at a wavy lock of her auburn hair and Julie rubbed her back in soothing circles. She was crying again. “Do you want a ride back to your dorm? I haven’t drank anything.” Again, she shrugged, very indecisive at the moment. The whole reason she had come to college was to escape her parents who couldn’t manage to go a day without fighting. Emma thought it would be better being all the way across the country. The University of Seattle was an amazing school. “Let’s go,” said Julie as she stood up. “Do you know where your shoes are?” “No.” The girl sighed. “That’s alright. My car is just around the corner.” Clumsily she pushed herself up, leaning against Julie who was five feet and five inches tall. Emma was only five feet and two inches. She felt short in comparison. “I know what it feels like.” whispered Julie. “My parents divorced when I was eight. I’m not gonna lie, it’s not fun. But everything gets better in time. Just remember that.” The words passed right through her. Emma wasn’t sure what she’d remember by tomorrow. ooOoo She’d spent the past hour of the morning puking in the bathroom and after four ibuprofens for her pounding headache, still felt like shit. Her skin was pale, more so than usual, and clammy. The stuffy hot office only made it worse. The nineteen year old girl sat cross legged on the lumpy brown couch. Last night was a blur but she remembered them vividly making out on the couch. Hannah never came back to the dorm. It wasn’t hard to guess where she was. “Emmaline, can you answer me?” She looked up suddenly. Her counselor, Ms. Newman pursed her lips and shook her head. Her brown hair was pulled back into a severe bun and glasses sat on the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry?” “Are you aware that you’re failing several of your classes? You got into this school on an academic scholarship and your grades right now are less than exemplary. You don’t want to be kicked out, do you?” Did she? Emma really couldn’t answer. “I-I’m going through stuff. I’m sorry but right now isn’t really the best time for… anything.” she tried to explain herself, truly she did. “We were understanding in the beginning but there comes a time when you need to pick yourself up.” Ms. Newman sighed. “You can’t continue this way. Many of your professors have expressed the same concerns.” There was no hiding that she was hung over. “Emma, there are people who want to help you. You’re only a freshman and have so much to look forward to. I understand your parents divorce has hit you hard but it helps to talk to others sometimes. You don’t have to struggle with this alone.” Sharing her feelings with strangers was the last thing she wanted to do. She’d rather jump in front of a train. “I’m going to give you the name of a therapist. She’s free and I’ve sent many students to her before. Trust me, they’re completely new people after they're done with her.” Emma could tell that it wasn’t really a choice and took the piece of paper reluctantly. This woman could spout whatever nonsense she wanted but nothing would change. Her life sucked and would always be that way. Afterward, she went back to her dorm, prepared to take another nap but stopped short. “I’m so sorry!” Hannah exclaimed upon seeing her. Mascara ran down her face and a dark tightly coiled curl stuck to her wet cheek. “I-I was drunk and wasn’t thinking straight and it just sorta happened!” Maybe if she had been thinking rationally, she would’ve been more understanding but at the moment she wanted to strangle the curl and watch as her dark skin lost color. “Fuck you, Han.” her voice was cold. “Of course you went after Jack McCroy! He’s mine-” “You broke up… again! For like the hundredth time!” her voice rose an octave. “I’m sorry that I made a mistake but don’t get angry at me. It’s not my fault that you’ve got a shitty life!” Hannah knew that she had hit her where it hurt. “Em… I- I didn’t mean tha-” “Get out.” Her hands formed into a fist at her side, knuckles white. “Get the fuck out!” She didn't need to ask again. ooOoo Her major was political science. Ever since she was a little girl, Emmaline Rodgers had dreams of becoming the first female president of the United States. However, as she grew older those dreams were quickly squashed as she realized what a misogynistic world she lived in. Now, she just hoped to be something. Anything other than a college drop out. Before, Emma thought she didn’t care but now took it back. The girl didn’t work so hard throughout high school and leave home only to end up right back there. She was determined to succeed. To do better than her miserable parents who they themselves never completed college. Her mother worked the farm and her father owned the local corner store. They didn’t make a ton of money but it was enough to survive off of the necessities. Townsford, Connecticut was a town of about one thousand. It was more a rural farming community with one stoplight in the entire county. Everyone knew everyone and it was not a good place to stand out. That’s why she had always hated her vibrant red hair. She got it from her father. Emma had always considered herself kind of a shy girl. Never straying far away from what she knew but there was a desire that burned inside her to escape the deadbeat town which is exactly what she did. The girl was doing more than her parents ever did but it wasn’t enough. That’s why a week later she met Marina Tischner. The woman was kind and almost had a motherly feel to her. She had straight blonde hair and a heart shaped face. She was dressed casually in a blue turtleneck, dark jeans and boots. The room was small but comfortable. The walls were painted a mustard yellow and there was one small window which was the only light in the room. In front of her was a coffee table and a chair on the other side. An icy glass of water and a bowl of mints were situated in front of her. She was surprisingly easy to talk to, something Emma had sworn she would never do. Everything came pouring out of her mouth at rapid speed: Hannah and Jack. Her parents. Hopes and dreams. The only sound she heard was the sound of the pencil tip against the paper as Dr. Tischner took down notes. “Are you happy with your life right now?” “Honestly?” her voice shook. “No. Sometimes I wish I could go far away and be a different person, live a second life. Don’t get me wrong, I want to try. I don’t want to give up but I’m just so tired of everything.” “It’s normal to feel that way. Everyone does at some point.” She supposed the woman was right but Emma just felt so alone. There was no one to save her. “Why don’t you have a sip of the water.” Dr. Tischner nodded toward the glass. “We’ve been talking for a while.” ooOoo Emma’s eyes blinked open but quickly shut, the bright light caught her by surprise. She tried again, this time more slowly and hesitant. Something wasn’t right. A headache thundered at the front of her head and vision blurred around the edges. She felt dead, unable to feel her body, everything was numb. “Mmmhph!” she tried to talk but it came out in a grumbled mess. There was something in her mouth that she couldn’t spit out. The girl was so tired. Her eyes began to flutter as different colors floated in front of her. “No, no Emmy.” a woman stood above her. “Nap time is over, you can go night-night later.” Nap time? Night-night? What the hell was going on? “You’re a silly girl. Just suck on your paci, there’s no need for tears.” Was she crying? The woman tapped the object lodged in her mouth. Without really thinking about it, Emma did as she said. It felt like she had been hit by a truck. Nothing made any sense. “Nurse Janie just has to change your diapee and then you can have some nummies.” Her blue eyes narrowed and brows furrowed together. Something really wasn’t right. Her heart raced against her chest and a high whine escaped her throat. The woman picked her up with ease and automatically her legs wrapped around her waist and head rested on her shoulder. The young girl suddenly stiffened, hearing a crinkle as the woman… patted her butt? “Don’t worry sweetie.” she cooed. “You’re just a little wet but it’s nothing I can’t take care of.” There was a sinking feeling in her stomach as her mind caught up with the lady’s words and realized what the feeling was between her legs. She was wearing a fucking diaper. “Nnn-nuhnuh!” she tried to speak but could only string together a few words. Her body shook and the woman just patted her back. Looking around the room it was empty, save for a bunch of oversized… cages? No. Cribs.There was a rocking chair positioned in each corner of the room and walls were painted a light pink. A rainbow, clouds, and a smiling sun were painted on the wall. It reminded her of her childhood doctor’s office. Except she wasn’t a child. She was nineteen years old. “Keep sucking your paci,” her voice remained calm. “We’re just going to get your little tush changed.” Breath. One, two, three, four… she began to count in her mind. Five, six, seven, eight… don’t think about what she’s doing. Don’t think about how she just strapped you to a fucking changing table that’s way to big for an actual baby. Tears burned in her eyes and a few trickled down her cheeks. She flinched at the touch of the wet wipe against her… her private area. No one but her had ever touched down there before. Her heart pounded in her ears and began to struggle against the straps that restrained her ankles and wrists. She was completely nakad. Oh dear god. Emma screamed, terrified of what was going to happen. The woman swatted her thigh and made a clicking sound with her tongue. “Is little Emmy having bad thoughts?” “Effmfa!” her voice grumbled as she tried to correct the woman. Her name was Emma. Emmy was a baby name. “Oh Emmy, your head is just filled with bad big girl thoughts.” she ignored her protest. “I’m just getting you changed into your pullup and pretty dress. Your diapees are just for night time.” That wasn’t what she was upset about, at least not in that sense. Emma had to communicate with her that there had been some sort of mistake. She wasn’t meant to be here. The young girl kicked her legs as hard as she could, straining against the restraints. The woman clicked her tongue and blue eyes narrowed. “You’ve been such a good girl the past few days. Perhaps you're just hungry, it is time for your nummies after all.” Emma almost laughed in disbelief. Nummies? How old did she think she was? Five? And what did she mean by the past few days? Emma could only remember the beginning of the meeting with Dr. Tischner. The woman bent down, opening a drawer and pulled out a thick pullup. Her cheeks pinkened as Emma wailed from behind the rubber object, unable to escape. “Oh, you’ll get nummies soon. I know how much you like nursie’s milk. Relax and suck on your paci.” But she couldn’t relax because a sudden storm raged at the front of her mind- a lightning strike, a clap of thunder. Her eyes blinked rapidly, persisting through the pain, trying to remember. But her mind was blank. How had she ended up here? ooOoo A/N: Hey everyone! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and read, I really appreciate it! I’ve already started writing the second chapter and it should be uploaded soon!