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The world was was blurry and the biggest thing on my mind was my foot...it was cold. As I looked through blurry eyes I saw that my favorite blankie with the silky edges was only covering my right leg and my pajama shirt with ninja turtles on it had ridden up just under my chest. My diaper was well used after a goodnight's sleep and the portion above the tapes looked like it was in disarray. Dim light was filling the room and in my mind I knew it was early and I'd probably be woken by my mom or dad if I wasn't already awake. Today was a big day, it was my 4th birthday and there was going to be a party. I wasn't sure about the details but that wasn't something I ever had to worry about as someone who just turned 4. I wasn't even worried about when or where I relieved myself. Although I was quick to take my first steps, fast on my feet, excelled at any academics that I was taught, and spoke as well as a child years older, potty training evaded me, Or at least appeared to. Today though, my parents had told me as if they were doing me a favor, that they were going to graduate me to big boy underwear. I had no idea why they expected a different outcome from having me in pull-ups. I knew how a toilet worked, I understood what my body was feeling when I had to go, I wasn't undersized or incapable of reaching the toilet. I had even tried it on occasion usually under the watchful eye and insistence of one of my parents or a caregiver but I really didn't enjoy sitting on a plastic seat suspended over the toilet for what seemed like all of my day, interrupting my play time, rudely jarring me awake after a nap, or as an abrupt end to a meal. I knew I could hold my pee and my poop if I wanted to and I did on a regular basis...every time I was sat on that plastic seat on top of the toilet. The only time my caregivers successfully got me to use the toilet was when I was close to going already and I was becoming uncomfortable holding it. So today after my mom announced "rise and shine big boy!" And removed my soggy diaper then wiped me clean, my dad entered the room holding some cotton tightly whitey's presenting them as if I were a prince about to be crowned king, with a dumb grin on his face. "Cristian, we know you're a big boy and we know you're capable of using the toilet like a big boy so since today is your birthday, we're going to dress you in these big boy undies from now on." I looked at my mom, my dad standing behind her with a look of wonder and said ,"ok Mommy, I'll be a big boy." Then I gave them a big smile which resulted in a big proud hug from them both. I thought to myself behind that big smile, (eyes full of wonder) "I'll fill the back of these big boy undies with a big boy mess you'll never get clean!" I'd been clean and dry all morning, been sat on that horrible contraption at least 3 times and my bladder and bowels were still holding up, although I didn't know for how long. I'd had a bowl of captain crunch, some toast, 2 glasses of chocolate milk, and drained the milk from the bowl of cereal so I was barely holding on. I hadn't had a poop since the previous day and I the pressure was definitely present. It was noon and some of the guests were starting to arrive. Apparently the party was at our house in the back yard and not at that noisy place with the robot animals playing instruments and the person in the giant mouse costume. I did enjoy the slides and games, and the ball pit was an excellent place to have a mess though. Anyway, it was just past noon and I know I'd had a couple of squirts in these big boy undies (I wondered if all of them were thick like this) and it was pizza time. My mom served me a slice of some really greasy pizza with sausage and it was so good I ate two slices which had me stuffed. It was getting close to cake cutting time and I saw my mom starting to bring out the plates, and candles and things when my stomach made an audible gurgle that seemed to on forever, similar to the sound of an open 2 liter bottle of soda being turned upside down. It hit me hard so instead of suffering through anymore of it I just released my clench felt the log start to force it's way out. Simultaneously, an audible hiss could be heard as a dark spot began to slowly form at the front of my overalls. It darkened and then spread leaving two wide dark shiney streams traveling down either side of my pant legs and continued to run cascading onto my shoes and absorbing in my socks. I was still releasing my bladder when I became impatient with the log I was releasing so with a little effort I grunted and bent my knees slightly forcing out a massive log that pushed out my pants. I redoubled my efforts and discovered the second half of the smoothed out log was not quite so solid and shot out the back of me. Filling my big boy undies with a soft mess. I was pretty satisfied with both the relief I felt, and the size of the "accident" I had just had. As soon as the dribbling from the bottom of my pant legs stopped I decided to run over and join my friends who were already playing tag. I found my friends Hector and Jason and both of them immediately saw I was wet. Hector asked if I had an accident and I replied,"yeah, but I'm ok." Jason just seemed as indifferent as me and I swatted Hector on the shoulder yelling "TAG YOU'RE IT!" Then ran off squeeling like a maniac. The game moved forward and more kids joined in. There were about 10 other kids running around trying to avoid me tagging them when my mother appeared out of seemingly thin air and grabbed my arm. She pulled me to the side looking at my very wet clothes and asked what had happened? I told her I was having fun and didn't want to stop what I was doing and the next thing I knew I was having an accident. I noticed her sniffing the air and then look at my protruding rump which was now not just a lump but a large stain spread up my back due to the several times I had fallen and landed on my butt while playing. She sighed and rolled her eyes, and said let's go big boy and took me to my room where she carefully removed my overalls placing them to the side and completely caked undies and tossed them in the trash. I was wiped down and rinsed off in the tub and then taped into a diaper. "Victory!" I thought to myself. I was changed into a different t-shirt and some corduroy pants with an elastic waist. The shirt was small enough that any bend exposed the diaper sticking up out of pants. I was returned to my friends who were still playing tag and Jason immediately pointed out my diaper to the group and said "you're 4 years old and still in a diaper!?" In a loud dramatic voice. I said yes but they make diapers for grown-ups too so I'm not worried. This seemed to be a logical answer for Jason and all of my other friends from the neighborhood. My diaper could be seen poking out the back of my pants in the picture of me blowing out the candles that year and was only the first of several to come where I was surrounded by friends and family with a notable bulge in my pants. I'll keep progressing this story, following the life of a boy growing into a man who refuses potty training.