[Married to Mommy (Chapter II posted 6/27/24)]

I looked at myself in the mirror, it was a good look, I guess, Mommy always seemed to do it well. As I watched myself, I could see Mommy fiddling with her phone in the mirror. I’m sure there was a photoshoot coming, there always was. I tried to focus on the better part here, I think I looked kind of cute. 

My self-admiration was interrupted by a knocking. 

“Oh Ashhh-tynn,” Mommy sweetly instructed, “go get the door.”

I didn’t want to. I figured I’d try to stand up for myself. 

“But Mommyyyy….”

Okay, so my protest was more of a whine that was befitting of my current stature. 

“But nothing Missy, you will go open the door, or do we need more…persuasion?”

That made me freeze. I didn’t need any of that, I knew what it’d entail, and nope, nope, nope, not for me. I’d rather go answer the door, however awkward or humiliating it may be. I didn’t need to experience Mommy’s “funishment time”, nope, this was enough already. 

My padded tushy headed towards the door. Halfway there, I realized I was opening the door to whomever it was, completely dolled up with a pink diaper and a pink ringer on. I paused with embarrassment, trying for one last reprieve from Mommy. She wasn’t having any of it though, reminding me of my funishmemt that undoubtedly would await. Reluctantly, I continued my waddle towards the door, an impending sense of doom ever encroaching. 

“Well, if that isn’t the cutest little girl I’ve ever seen!”

I recoiled, it was Mommy’s BFF, and our next-door neighbor, Ally. She knew about…this, and always found a way to deliver humiliation in her own sort of humor. She always kind of reminded me of a more sadistic and sarcastic version of Sandy from SpongeBob. 

“She is, isn’t she?” I heard Mommy call behind me. 

“I *just* had to come see!” Ally laughed, “my favorite little niece is here, oooo oooo!” she teased. 

I looked back at Mommy, who shrugged. “Hey, she’s a friend, and Bobby is gone this weekend on business, so why should she be lonely?”

Ally got an exaggerated frown, hands on her hips. “Hmph, Ashy,” she started, “your Mommy’s right you know, why should I be lonely when this little padded tushy was next door? Hmm?” she grabbed my diapered bottom playfully. 

Great. Not only was I going to have to be like…this, but I had to be like…this all weekend in front of Mommy’s BFF. Oh, thank my lucky little stars. 

“Well, someone decided to piddle her panties during a ‘pankin, and here we are!” Mommy laughed, “with Bobby gone, you just couldn’t be alone!”

“My Animal Crossing is going to get lonely, but it’ll do” Ally shrugged. 

Ugh. I’d rather be doing anything than this right now, that includes playing Animal Crossing with Ally. In my current state though, that’s a no-go. No, when I become “Baby Ashtyn”, I’ve got rules; Mommy is usually much more strict than usual. Typically, I’m treated in much the same way she treats her sisters’  kids when she babysits, which is to say it’s very structured. I’m not allowed to do a lot though, and usually it’s the typical kind of little kid programming on TV, enforced naps, bottles, and of course…oh no.

…Diapers. My anxiety almost immediately jumped. It was almost my bed soon, which meant that I’d soon be fed a bottle with a laxative in it, which almost certainly led to a poopy diaper, which meant that…ugh. Ally was going to probably get to watch my very dirty diaper be changed. Ugh. So embarrassing. I wore a diaper to bed at night when I wasn’t Ashtyn, so she’d seen that take place, but never a poopy. I’m sure Mommy had filled her in before, given their BFF status, but I was never party to their “big girl” talks. Still, the thought of having my messy butt wiped in front of Ally, gave me shivers. Ugh, I hoped I could hold it. You know what they say about hope and reality though. 

“Well, we’re about to sit and give this one a bottle,” Mommy said, motioning to me, almost on cue, “then we need to put her to bed, you’re welcome to stay!”

As if it were even a question, I kind of laughed at the thought, which caught both women’s attention. 

“Oh, does the little one find it funny her Aunty is staying? Ohh does it?” Ally teased.

I just kind of nodded, my explanation wouldn’t make sense anyway, it was essentially an inside joke with myself, I don’t know how I’d even describe it. My relationship with Ally was sort of strange as it was. Mommy and her were BFFs, and had been for seemingly ever, at least since we started dating, so that was pretty long. I guess I got along with her, she and Mommy often gossiped about all going on in their lives, just like you’d expect BFFs to. As Mommy was my “boss”, I often found myself farmed out to help Amy and Bobby anytime they needed it. I didn’t mind Bobby, and as far as I knew, he didn’t know about what went on here, but he and Amy’s marriage always seemed different to me, like roommates. Whatever works though, right? Anyway, back to the story.

It was a Friday, which meant it was a night for Mommy and Ally to watch this week’s “Bachelor”, which given their busy schedules, was sort of a no-go during the week. Under normal circumstances, I’d be dressed in a diaper, fed a bottle while the two girls watched TV, and once done, be put to bed while the adults stayed up. I was basically treated at the level of a 3-year-old in this relationship. Like I said, Ally was no stranger to my undergarments, for better or worse.  Anyway, enough rambling, my apologies. 

Tonight’s edition was a bit different, myself transformed into Mommy’s little girl drinking a laxative-laced bottle and hanging out, about to fill my diapers with poopies to the Bachelor in front of Mommy and her BFF. It was strange, it was even humiliating, but you know, there we married couples out there that don’t sleep in the same bed. If you ask me, they’re the weird ones. I mean, I guess, I’m in my well, you’ll see, some of the time, but usually I’m in Mommy’s bed as the little spoon. What do you think we are? Animals?

When the time came to settle in, I layed in Mommy’s lap on one side of the sectional while she fed me a bottle. This was done to the amusement of Amy, who delightfully sat across from us, taking “family portraits,” which I knew could and would be used against any protests I may have toward future errands. It was quite a sight, I guess, Mommy, a ripped runner, holding her slightly taller husband-turned-baby-girl wearing a shirt and diaper in her lap, feeding the dolled up darling a bottle. Amy did awesome photos though, so at least it’d turn out fine. Not that I wanted them to actually exist, though Mommy I’m sure would be too happy to add them to her collection of me. 

I soon finished the bottle, which Mommy put off to the side, before stretching her arm out. It was a universal signal for cuddles. Sure, I may have had this baby treatment, but I’ll take the cuddles at come with it. 

“Upsee, upsee, Cuddle Bug,” Mommy beckoned. Like she had to ask, she knew I was a slutty slut at heart for them; I of course immediately complied. 

Ally looked over again with one of her typical grins, “Girl’s Night!” and moved a little closer. I really was never a Bachelor fan, but it looked like I was tonight! Lucky me?

The episode was a bit what you’d expect. The more noteworthy thing was taking place in my lower regions. Remember me telling you my worst thought? Well, it started happening. The cramps started little, but then they got fiercer in force. At first, I kind of held it well, but then it got a little bit harder. A big gassy bubble started, and I squirmed around to get it to pass. In doing so, I let out a bit of a muffled fart. If you couldn’t tell already, it smelled pretty…um…bad. This of course attracted the attention of both women in the room. 

“Ewwwieee, it smells like a sewer line in here!” Ally spoke, playfully pinching her nose, “Where *ever* could that be coming from?” she looked at me with a fake seriousness that in any other situation may have made me laugh. Not now though. I blushed instead; the darkness shrouded my redness. 

“Ummhmmm,” Mommy teased, “at least you don’t have the stinky pantied source on top of you.”

“But..but Mommyyyy,” I started, forgetting Ally was here, who looked at me with a savagely sadistic grin.

“Awww, it is so cute how you address your Mommy,” Ally cooed, “I wish *my* hubby would do the same, you’re such a sweetie pants, even if they’re stinky!”

“I am not poopy!” I couldn’t help it. The dual looks from Mommy and Ally told me I’d crossed a line. Crap. The TV paused.

“Ashtyn Renee!” Mommy sternly spoke, “you do not speak to your Aunt Ally that way. She isn’t wrong. You do have a diaper on, your butt does smell like a sewer, and it’s not like anyone would be surprised if you were poopy.”

“I’m not a baby,” I pouted. 

“Again, your wardrobe and smells speak differently to that.”

I sighed, Mommy was right. Better to agree and stay out of trouble.

“Otay Mommy, you’re right,” I conceded. 

“Of course I’m right,” Mommy had a bit of an arrogant grin. Who could blame her though?

I went to turn on the TV, Mommy stopped me. 

“Ah ah ah, you’re not getting off this easy, Missy,” Mommy sternly informed me, “you’re getting a ‘pankin and early bedtime.” 

Oh shit, a spanking? Ugh. I screwed up totally. There was a .00005% chance that this wasn’t going to end in a humiliating fashion. Doubly ugh. Before I could object, I suddenly found myself being jarred back, and swiftly pulled over Mommy’s knee. Ugh. This was going to be trouble. Before I could find myself with time to think, the blows started coming. These weren’t like Mommy’s nightly spankings; disobedience and “back sass” got me into much more trouble, and stronger ‘pankins as a result. 

The noise was palpable; the blows came down upon my padded prison, and no matter how padded it was, Mommy had a really strong ‘pankin hand. Normally, I could kind of tune out of such a thing, but given that my bottle was laced with laxatives, that was much easier said than done. I was spending the better part of my time trying to hold that all in. 

Throughout the spanking, Mommy didn’t lose focus *thwap* *thwap* *thwap* “Little” *thwap* “girls” *thwap* “do” *thwap* “not” *thwap* “back sass” *thwap* “their” *thwap* “aunties” *thwap* “or” *thwap* “any” *thwap* “adults” *thwap*. One word responses, filled with alternating blows on my bottom were not a good remedy for the intenral battle I was facing. Sensing that I may be reaching my end, Mommy upped the intensity.

“We” *thwap* “will” *thwap* “not” *thwap* “accept” *thwap* “that” *thwap* “type” *thwap* “of” *thwap* “behavior” *thwap* “here” *thwap* “do” *thwap* “I” *thwap* “make” *thwap* “myself” *thwap* “clear” *thwap* “Missy?” *thwap* *thwap* *thwap*. 

My attention got diverted by the look of Ally videoing the whole thing, which gave me anxiety and made me lose any focus I had towards postponing the poopy. I tried to catch my bearings, but I was soon interrupted by Mommy; I hadn’t answered her promptly. 

*Thwap* *thwap* *thwap* “Earth to Ashy, Earth to Ashy, is Mommy clear? Mommy can’t hear you!!” *thwap* *thwap* *thwap*

Somewhere amongst one of those last *thwap*’s , my focus completely went down the toilet, and rather than answer Mommy, my bowels answered for me. Though I wasn’t in diapers all the time, I was in them enough for me to lose some sort of control over things, and my holding on for dear life with my bowels was the casualty here. I reached around Mommy’s legs and pushed out a big pile of poopy right into my pants. Ugh. In front of Ally too. Double ugh. 

Mommy must have either smelled it or sensed it, “well, looks like our little girl has made a present for her Mommy and Aunty! Not only does she have a poopy attitude, but now she has poopy panties to boot!”, which led to a cacophony of laughter between her and Ally. I had tears of embarrassment and shame. Why did I have to back sass? I could have pooped in my room after Mommy put me in bed! Ugh. I was such a big dummy. 

“See! I told you there was a broken sewer line somewhere,” Ally teased, “I just didn’t realize it was in your little girl’s cute little panties!”, leading to more laughing between Mommy and Ally again. 

“Well, if you ask me, that’s a signal that it’s time for bed for this one,” Mommy bemused, looking at me, “we need to go change her stinky diaper and put her in bed, don’t we?” she asked, looking at me. I just sat there in tears. 

“Ohh, it’s ok little one,” Ally playfully cooed, “that’s why your Mommy has you in diapers, it’s no different than Aunt Ally’s other nieces and nephews needing diapers, too, you’re all babies, it’s completely normal,” as if there was anything normal about…this. It just caused me to cry more. I was now on the level of Ally’s baby relatives. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. She knew Mommy put me in diapers once in a while, but ugh, this was too much. I was inconsolable. 

“Well, it seems like someone here is tired,” Mommy told me, “if it wasn’t obvious with the little tantrum earlier, it is now, let’s go get you changed, sweetie,” she closed, holding me up and grabbing my hand. I got up to follow her, but then Mommy changed her mind apparently. 

“You know, let’s just change you here,” she spoke somewhat forcefully, “it’d be easier, and we can just trek you off to bed once that’s over, your diaper pail is down here anyway>” 

My tears did stop, but now I turned red. I didn’t want Ally to see this. It was bad enough she saw me go poopy in my pants, now she was going to watch the ultimate shame of being changed? Ugh, no way. 

“But Mommy…” I interrupted. 

“But nothing, you’re a baby, you made a poopy in your panties, and Mommy isn’t going to inconvenience herself from her friend because you want to be a brat about it; quite frankly, you’ve been a major brat all night, which I might add is horribly unattractive for a cute little girl.”

Ugh. 

“So why don’t you come wait with Aunt Ally, I’ll go get your changing supplies, and we’ll go from there,” she smiled, “and let me remind you, that’s an order, not an ask.”

“Otay Mommy”,  I told her.

“Good girl, I knew you’d see it my way,” Mommy smiled, leading me by the hand to go sit by Ally.

“Thanks for watching her while I go grab the stuff,” Mommy smiled, “you know what they say about leaving a baby unattended.”

“Oh of course, who wouldn’t want to be with this poopy little cutie?” Ally smiled. 

Mommy went up and I was there with Ally. Ugh. So embarrassing.

“You know, I think you’re cute like this,” she whispered to me, “I wish I could do this to Bobby, but it’s about as likely as you being potty trained,” she joked. I turned red with embarrassment, and dug my head into her shoulder. She put her arm around me and patted me on the shoulder. 

“Poop happens, girly,” she told me, “that’s why you’re in diapers, right?” 

I wanted so badly to respond that no, it’s because your bestie likes doing this to me, and I’m too much of a pushover to stand up for myself, but was I really conflicted? Probably more than I’d like to admit. I did like Mommy being, well, Mommy-in-Charge, but then, I was always conflicted because it was so out there compared to most. I couldn’t lie, it did work for us though. 

“Sounds like your Mommy’s coming, don’t worry sweetie, we’ll get you all changed and clean for beddy-bye,” she teased, kissing me on the forehead, much like any aunt would to her poopy niece. 

Soon Mommy reappeared, carrying a diaper, wipes, an old yoga mat to change me on, and ugh, not that. It was a chastity cage. I knew this was going to come in the back of my head, but ugh, damn my back sassing mouth. Ally must have seen it to, because her eyes got wide. 

“Ha! You’re bringing in the big guns!” Ally laughed. 

“Of course, back sass gets you something besides a diaper change,” Mommy laughed, laying out all the things necessary to complete.

“Alright stinky, come down for Mommy,” Mommy patted the ground next to the yoga mat. I hated that this was happening, but the relief from being in a poopy diaper was going to be worth it. I could have fought it, but why? So I went and layed down obediently. 

“Good girl”, Mommy smiled, pulling out a handful of wipes, “even if you are a little stink pot sometimes.”

Ally came and kneeled down while Mommy started the change. Mommy opened up the diaper, revealing a yellow-ish brown mess. I couldn’t see it, but I sure could smell it. 

“Pheeewwwieee,” Mommy teased, “someone here surrreee is stinky!” she laughed, starting to go to work on the sodden diaper mess. 

“Oh poo!” Ally laughed, “she smells like my little niece when she poops her pants too, all babies must have an unwritten agreement to make stinky poopies,’ she teased, playfully holding her nose, “such a ‘tinky, ‘tinky, ‘tinky little baby, you sure sure are!” 

The rest of the change went rather uneventful; Mommy changed the topic ot something else non-me/non-baby related, and the two carried on, despite the stinky mess. It always amazed me how Mommy’s and the like could do things like this, it was just something I don’t think I’ll ever understand. Normally, I might get a hard on, but this was so embarrassing, I just kind of stared away in shame. Even if they were talking about me, I doubt I’d have even realized it. 

Mommy pulled out the new diaper and unfolded it, pushing my bottom up so that she could slide it under me. Putting my bottom back down, she stopped. 

“One last thing, let’s get this on,” she motioned for the chastity cage, grabbed it, and started to put it around my penis. I soon felt its metal bars go around, and the lock into place. I hated this thing, it was only a matter of time before I got hard, because Mommy always made me hard, and ugh. It was going to be bad. 

“Oh isn’t that just adorable!” Ally remarked, laughing at the prison my nether regions now found themselves in. 

“It surrrre is, she’s got a nice little home for her clittie to sit and enjoy for the time being,” Mommy looked at it fairly satisfied, pulling the diaper up and taping it into place. She pulled me up to sitting position. 

“Well little girl, it looks like we’ve had maybe too much fun for the night, I think it’s time for bed for you!” 

I nodded. I was dead with embarrassment inside. I wanted to go anywhere but here, bed sounded awesome. 

Mommy stood up, stuck her hand out, and grabbed my hand, pulling me up. She bent down, picked the diaper up, and motioned to Ally, who had returned to where she was previously sitting on the couch. 

“I’m taking this one to bed, I’ll be back shortly,” Mommy informed her. 

“Aww, I’m glad I got to spend time with you!” Ally looked at me, “you have a good night, I’m sure we’ll see each other again soon this weekend!” she smiled, kissing me on my forehead, “you’re pretty cute there, Ashy, even if you are a little stinky, good night!”

“Uh, goodnight Aunt Ally,” I told her, and Mommy soon had me following her.. We took a detour so she could deposit my poopy diaper in the diaper pail, and soon we were headed upstairs to Mommy’s bedroom. Yes, even in my baby state, I still share a bed with Mommy. She’s the big spoon, and makes sure that she’s holding me tight all the time. We may have a stranger relationship than most, but there’s no greater love than what exists between us, at least it seems that way to me. 

Mommy had me wait and pulled back the covers, had me come to the bed and put me on the sheets, pulling them up and tucking me in, before kissing me on the head. 

“It’s been a bit of a night, baby,” she spoke very kindly, “get some sleep, Mommy will be up soon to cuddle you.”

“Good night Mommy,” I told her, “oh, and…”

“Yes sweetie?”

“You’re the best Mommy in the whole wide world, and I love you to the moon and back.”

“Awww, you made Mommy’s heart melt, see you soon sweetie,” she kissed me on the head, walked ot the door, turned out the lights and left. I closed my eyes and went to sleep, dreaming and sometimes dreading of what was going to come. 

[Married to Mommy (Chapter II posted 6/27/24)]

I. Beginnings and Introductions

To any average onlooker who’d see my house, or even my marriage, you’d think it was something stereotypical. There was the happy couple in their early 30s, a nicely manicured lawn, and two cars in the front outside of the garage. It didn’t look like anything out of the ordinary. Even to interact on the surface, one would probably come to a similar conclusion. My wife was assertive, sure, and certainly more talkative than myself, but that isn’t much different than a lot people we’re friends with. It is what it is, you know? In today’s environment, we both work from home for most of the week, and occasionally will go our own ways into the office for a day if we need to. We’re both extremely busy people at times, and the flexibility afforded really helps us out. We even have a nice garden in the backyard with a hot tub that I’m sometimes allowed to go in. To any outside observer, we live a typical, but seemingly charmed life. Come inside the house, though, and that’s where any idyllic stereotypes are likely going to be shattered, you know, if you’re into the stereotypical lifestyle thing.

“Ashton Sanders, you get your little stinky butt over here, time for our daily opportunity to behave,” my raven-haired wife instructed, her ice blue eyes staring intently through my little submissive soul. She was shorter than me, but completely ripped, and when she got upset, it was very, very intimidating. I tried my best to make sure I never saw that side of her, but on occasion, it reared its ugly head. Stick around long enough, and you’ll see it. Her temper is seemingly difficult, yet quick to trigger.

We’re a lot of things on the surface, but our marriage is anything but. Right now, I’m going to go over my wife’s knee for a spanking. I probably deserved it, well, I definitely did, and this was my wife’s way of handling those sorts of things. If I broke a rule, one of her many rules, I got spanked. It wasn’t something altogether unexpected, I knew full well getting into these things that this was going to happen. We’ve been married almost seven years, and have been together for almost a decade, so yeah, I’ve kind of come to expect it. I agreed to it, I’ve known full well what I’ve been getting myself into for the longest time. These spankings occurred on a daily basis, and were a couple ritual between us it seemed.

“But Mommy, my pants aren’t stinky,” I told her. They usually weren’t anyway, but it still didn’t stop Mommy from bringing that up whenever she could. So I pooped my pants once in awhile, don’t always hold it against me.

“Hmph, I’ll be the judge of that,” my wife told me. She pulled back my training pants that she’d dressed me in for the day, and seemingly satisfied, she put them back to their original place, patting me on the bottom.

“Good boy,” she told me, “now lean over Mommy’s knee.”

So I did. It was our arrangement, and I guess where a lot of people may have had a problem with it, it worked for us. Soon, my bottom began to feel some pressure and a few bits of pain.

*Thwap thwap thwap* was heard in a repeating motion, all while Mommy continued to spank harder and harder. I never minded getting spanked in my training pants that I was in, it was only when…

“Hmm, doesn’t look like we’re getting anywhere, let’s go, um…bare?” Mommy laughed halfway sadistically. Soon, I could feel the back of my training pants being pulled down, right down to below my knees, and right after that, the pain got more intense. Mommy had brought a wooden spoon for today’s occasion. After a bit of hits, I started tearing up.

“Ohhh, what’s that? The little boy had enough ‘pankins from hims’ Mama? Hmm, I think he can go a bit more, yes yes, just a bit more,” she spoke in a halfway exaggerated tone.

It hurt. It really hurt. It seemed with every *thwack*, my pain got higher and higher, and my legs kicked out. This seemingly happened every single time. I knew what was coming, but I was powerless to stop it. The blows kept coming, one after another. Adding to this whole array was my already weak bladder, which had suddenly reached its breaking point. I needed the potty, STAT!

Behind tears, I tried to bargain, “Mommyyyyy…Mommyyyy…” I tried to moan fairly loudly, and really, to no avail.

“Mmm-mmm, don’t want to hear it. N-O, do not want to hear it, babe,” she calmly spoke as she continued to lay down thwacks on my bare bottom. My many years of experience have shown me that it is not good to interrupt her during one of her spanking rituals.

Then suddenly, the spanking stopped. Resigned to my fate, I let my bladder go, emptying its contents all over Mommy’s lap. One way to get out of it, I guess. Mommy pulled me around and glared at me, her blue eyes piercing my suddenly regretful soul.

“Ummm, what is this?” she asked, almost rhetorically.

“Umm,” I started. Of course she knew, that’s why I was in trainers to begin with.

“Did you potty in Mommy’s lap?”

I blushed and nodded.

“Tsk, tsk, guess you know what that means, right? Hmmm?”

“Diapers,” I mumbled.

“Whats that? You need to speak up for Mommy,” she teased a bit.

“Diapers.” I spoke slightly louder.

Mommy smiled a bit, curling her lips into her content smile, she quizzed further, “and why?”

Ugh, was not looking forward to this, but these were Mommy’s rules.

“Because I went potty like a baby in Mommy’s lap,” I shamed myself. Mommy’s rule was if I pottied in my trainers or on her during our nightly spanking, that it was back to diapers for a week. It gave me incentive for self control at least.

“Oh, good boy!” Mommy exaggeratedly exclaimed, “such a little smarty pants!” It was almost sarcastic, and my diaper sentence put me a bit over the edge. I broke down in tears. Mommy pulled me up and gave me a big hug. It was her way of asserting her dominance and decision in a more user friendly manner. As she held me with my head in her shoulder, her steady hand rhythmically tapping my sore bare butt, and reassured me that I’d be ok, this was for my own good, and to just let Mommy handle the next week. It sounded good, I guess, so my tears subsided enough to let Mommy know I was good with her decision.

Mommy must have sensed jt, because she motioned for me to get up, so she could go get the necessary supplies. She went to the middle drawers in our dresser, taking out a thick pink diaper, wipes, and a changing pad. She laid the pad out on the bed, setting the diaper next to the wipes.

“Alright little one, time to get your little bottom wrapped up!” Mommy smiled. I knew she liked this, sometimes I thought that’s why she made the spanking sessions as intense as she did, just for this excuse. I wasn’t 200% sure, but I thought it was a good guess.

Mommy wiped my wet area, soon pushing my bottom up to slide the diaper under my bottom, tapping my legs to have me go back down, before taping the diaper up. Admiring her job, she went and grabbed a new shirt, it was a pink ringer tee with white thick cursive letters saying “Mommy’s Princess” on it. Yep, this meant I was going to be dolled up all week, lucky me. All for love and devotion to my wife. I secretly loved it, but equally loathed it at times. Mommy could sometimes take it a bit too far. Like now, I’m getting pigtails, and a great makeup job too, but I just don’t know. Should I? Shouldn’t I? I might as well just take it, at least.

Finally done with the transformation of Ashton to Baby Ashtyn, Mommy smiled. “We’re going to have a great week, oh yes we will, oh yessums we will!”

I blushed a bit, but I can’t say she was lying, it really was going to be great. I hoped at least. Mommy was always right though, she couldn’t be wrong here!

to be continued…

[Courtney’s Bitter Pill of Desire (Part II posted 4/30/2024)]

II.

“If you’ve proven anything today, it’s that you obviously didn’t get enough sleep last night, and are definitely in need of a nap, hmmm, wouldn’t you say?”

I blushed and nodded. My display at the mall earlier probably made this a worthwhile endeavor. I’d already seen my previously clean diaper ripped off once we made it back to the house, and my bottom was reddened much darker than the crimson that my face was currently showing, if that were even at all possible. I was lucky that there weren’t more heinous fates awaiting me later on, as was typically done after one of my previous tantrums. You’d think I’d learn my lesson, right? Well, I seemingly never did. I was a brat to the end.

“Good girl, I knew you’d see it my way, now let’s go back to your nursery, shall we?”

Of course I was, what else was I going to do, spin my wheels in another tantrum-filled afternoon that would likely earn me quadruple whatever the maximum this punishment was already likely to be? No. I’d done that before, and it never worked out well. In fact, it probably served to hasten my regression to this fate even further. I probably could have made it into something more palatable, and less full of charged retribution if I wanted, but nope, I always seemingly went this route. I could adjust my attitude for a few days, and then it was back to square one. Mommy keeps telling me that this is all going to end one day, whatever that means. I think it’s probably whatever her friend Beth did with her baby girl, Jaclyn. At least that’s what I think I understand when I hear their adult conversations. I don’t know. All I did know was that at this point, was, I was likely going to be in this predicament for the foreseeable future, and as of right now, I was due for my afternoon nap.

After my hairbrush spanking bonanza which I will not bore you with the embarrassing details,  Mommy took me by her hand from her bedroom and down the hall next to my sister’s “big girl” room to my nursery, which previously was hers. It was a warm day, and Mommy had me back in my usual home attire on these warmer days, which was a Gabby’s Dollhouse t-shirt and a thick diaper on. She said it was cute and made it so that she could tell when I made pee-pees and poopies in my little girl panties, which of course, were just my diapers. I guess I was cute though, because my Auntie had told me so before I was marched upstairs for my punishment earlier. I may be a baby girl in the eyes of everyone, but at least I’m cute; that’s got to count for something right?

Finally, Mommy pulled down the crib side, and helped push my poofy bottom up onto the crib, kissing me on the forehead and lifting up the crib door, locking it into place.

“Have a good night Princess, Mommy knows that you can’t always be peppy after such a late night, get some sleep sweetie, and we’ll have lots of playtime later, mmm kay?”

I smiled, and began to suck on my pacifier, thinking like I did every time I was laid down for a nap on how I got here. As I seemingly regressed, these details get hazier and hazier, so it’s probably best that I go over the story one more time, just so someone can understand how and why I got to be here in the first place. It wasn’t always like this, in fact, it probably should have never even come to this, but it did, and well, it makes for an interesting story.

You see, back before I became Mommy’s darling baby girl, I was a bit of a transient, looking for my place in the universe. I was in my early 20s, nearly graduated from college, and on the prowl for a new start of…something. I’d hit a bit of a rut in my life. I was about a year or so away from graduation, but there was never any clarity on my end on whether or not this is where I wanted to be. “Here” was a non-descript California suburb in the north, which much like me, was also unsure as to what it wanted to be. I  had found myself living with a series of strange roommates. What had originally been a compromise for my own financial state of being had quickly morphed into a series of misadventure that found my apartment’s living area to be a strange collection of its own sort of quirkiness, filled with passerby associates of my roommates, a group I had connected with on Craigslist. Seems real great, right? Maybe compared to sitting in a crib in a poopy diaper, right? Maybe, maybe not.

Seeking a reprieve from my life’s insanities had brought me back to Craigslist again, a medium filled with mostly scammers, but sometimes a deal or two. Just had to know how to look, and something always seemed to present itself. I wanted to find something, I really did. I was desperate. The last straw had come recently when one of the many cycling roommates I had in my house vomited all over my doorknob when I was out at work, making the situation worse by opening the door and slovenly passing out, pushing more of the mess all over the carpet in my room. I decided to take a short little “me” vacation to get out of it, clear my head, and all of that.

On top of the depravity of it all, I just wanted a place and a space of my own, even if it were a broom closet under the stairs of someplace. I had areas of myself and my life that I’d wanted to explore, but I never felt like I had a great enough space to do it. From a young age, I had a desire to wear diapers, but being an only child in a fairly tiger-parent household, I’d never really gotten a chance to explore that. Weird right? Probably, but it fit me as snug as the diapers Mommy keeps on my bottom now. It wasn’t always that simple though; the time I feigned a bedwetting problem, I wound up in a shrink’s office because I must have had emotional problems. There was always a search for a reason, but I never admitted it to myself or my parents. Who knows what they’d have done? Maybe I’d have been where I’m at now, just at home? I don’t know.

In any sense, despite the strangeness of it all, my (biological and now-unofficial) parents seem to be happy with Mommy’s arrangement, I think she framed it well. Sometimes they visited now, but usually it was for some dissociative purpose, rather than anything out of caring or love, which they always seemed immune to before. It was never a particularly great affair, it usually led to me crying and with a poopy diaper, but that’s neither here nor there. My pants almost were always as shitty as their parenting, evens out right? It’s not like life with Mommy was particularly amazing, but I guess I was out livin’ the dream. My (biological and now-unofficial) parents were creatures of the suburbs, and there’s no way that they could handle their previously-adult child now becoming a panty-pooping toddler, how would they ever explain it away at the country club? All because I wanted privacy, I wound up with none. Funny how life goes.

I eventually decided that I’d go out and take a week vacation, head to my own isolation of my own hotel room, and that would be that. I’d keep tabs on potential rentals, with my (unrealistic, I admit) hope being that I would be in a new place by the end of said week. My previous experiences gave me the unslightest clue that it would happen, but I kept up the delusional hope anyway. I even set up my own email for rentals, under the paranoid guise that I was going to lose out on any potential offer due to it being inadvertentluy sent to the SPAM folder of my email. Adulting was a trip, right? For someone as organized as I was at the time, my own version of OCD was moving off the charts, the paranoia climing high. Looking back on it, knowing how and where I ended up, I probably may have been better off obtaining a drug or alcohol habit, at least that was socially acceptable, right?

Okay, I’ll admit, my “vacation” was pretty lame. It basically consisted of me holding my own court for myself in a dilapidated roadside hotel somewhere near the Redwood Forest. I guess it’s location wasn’t terrible, but the rest of it was. It almost made me long for the confines of my own chaotic home at times. The one upside, though, was that it had WiFi, and with nothing else to do, it gave me time to explore the rentals around my area more. I found a few, even had a few leads, but then, I’d hear nothing, or it’d be a “I’m a lost Hyrulian Prince with a vault full of gold under the Princess’ castle, if you pay me a $700000 deposit up front, plus your social security for any ID purposes, I can have you in this afternoon,” which obviously wasn’t going to pass the reality test. As with most things I’d been doing at that point, I usually could go “gung-ho” on something for awhile, and after a few missed attempts, I fell into a fairly dark spot, convinced it was a complete failure. I don’t know, I guess I have shortcomings. Blame my helicopter parents, blame my environment, or you know, maybe it was just me. Finally, towards the end of my “vacation”, I finally hit paydirt. It was a room in a house in a nicer area of the next town up, which I knew well, and best of all, it had an en suite bathroom, and its own entrance to the building. There weren’t any pictures of the room, just of the exterior of the house and the backyard. It looked nice enough, well, it looked like a nice house on the nice side of town, which it was. I didn’t see much else though.

While I was initially convinced from the overall lack of pictures that it was more than likely a hoax, I figured I’d cast my pole a bit and see if I could actually get a bite. I mean, looking back on it, it kind of was a hoax, just not the kind I had in mind at the time, and more of a “you as an adult is kind of a hoax” sort of deal, but again, this wasn’t anything I had planned during this point in my life, or ever actually. It just kind of happened, as I’m telling you now. Anyway, I sent out an email, asking if it was still available, etc., etc., I tried to explain that I was a responsible college student towards the end of my degree program, etc., etc., and how I’d be a good fit for the rental, etc., etc. What else could I possibly do or say? Maybe I wasn’t the most responsible? I did end back up as an overgrown baby after all, but you know, at the time, I really did believe myself to be at least somewhat responsible. I mean, I guess I was responsible for becoming that overgrown baby, so there was responsibility, right? I dunno, I digress, and am probably looking for a cheap laugh, so maybe laugh if you want. So I sent it and I waited.

I sat and stared at the screen for the next hour after I sent the initial email, trying to manifest some response back. I don’t know what I expected, realistically. Was I looking for a “Congrats! You’re Approved!” message? Was I looking for a “Sorry! You suck!” message? I don’t know, and I don’t know that I’ll ever know. The further the time drifts away from that time for me, the more and more I actually forget. What I can tell you, though, is that I was quite nervous about the response that I’d get. I really wanted a place like this, it really sounded like a dream. After silently skulking around the confines of my dimmed room, I decided I’d just go out and walk, and maybe my results would be different when I came back. I went out and walked for a few hours, even explored the forest around there, took some cool nature-y photos, and then came back. I think I had a tinge of optimism the entire time that I was going to come back and miraculously find something. I came back, and….nothing. Deeply disheartened, I sat and stared at the ceiling. I never thought long-term, and I ultimately convinced myself that my short-term circumstances were going to be my long-term future.

I got saddened, and after watching a marathon of Adult Swim that night, I pulled an XL girls Goodnite out of my bag, put it on,  checked my email again and fell asleep. I didn’t have a bedwetting problem, but it was a little time like this when I figured I could be free of intrusions that I could at least feel comfy and fall asleep, even in my presently-downtrodden state.  I dreamt that night of a fun-filled new space where I could wear diapers and do things in the privacy of my ideal space, like draw and paint. I just wanted peace, I wanted isolation, and mostly, I wanted privacy. I never thought it’d actually happen though, and really, if you kind of think about it, it never did, as seen from my present circumstances. That said, none of that had happened yet, and I was still living in an idealized world with any perilous pitfalls completely out-of-reach. The next day, my life inadvertently was changed forever. I shot out of my bed real quick, and went to my laptop on the counter. I was too broke for a cellphone at the time, and figured I’d get one eventually anyway (how wrong that turned out to be), so this was the next best thing. I opened up my email, and there was a response! The response was very thoughtful, and almost too authentic to be any sort of spammer, so I was immediately hit with a hint of relief.

The response was nice enough, if not direct. It said that the place was indeed, still available, and that my response sounded nice enough. Apparently,  her name was Taylor, and her husband was arrested in some overseas insider trading fiasco, and had been sentenced to nearly five decades in prison wherever he was at, which led to a bit of a money shortfall, and the need to fill this room up with a renter. Apparently, she had a toddler daughter at the time that she was quite protective of, which was causing the whole protective layer (ironic right?) to be added to this whole potential arrangement. Because of this, she wasn’t looking for just anyone, and my response had apparently caught her eye. She seemed that she was paranoid that there might be people associated with this insider trading fiasco trying to get into the house, and may disguise themselves as renters or something in order to harm her and her daughter. I don’t know, it sounded asinine, the more I read it. Finally reaching the end, and after convincing myself that this seemed like too much trouble, the hook was in plain sight. She told me that if I was, indeed interested, that we could meet at a local park in town, and if that worked out, she would take me and show me the place.

I was hooked, I’ll admit, and without giving it a second thought, I accepted her offer and made a plan to cut my vacation short and head for the meetup the next day. II decided I’d head out of where I was at, taking this as the excuse I needed to move out of my dilapidated week-long rental and take a step forward out into a new world. I immediately loaded up my car and headed south back towards my current abode, and possibly soon to be future one as well. Indeed, this may have been the break I was looking for. I made it back home that afternoon, and immediately went about streamlining my room. On the drive down, my impulsiveness took hold and I convinced myself that this was the one life raft that I was likely to find, and that indeed, as strange as the circumstances were, I might as well roll the dice. Even if the woman seemed a little crazy, I thought, I might as well just get out of where I’m at. Arriving back at the house only reinforced those beliefs. I was met with a parade of hash pipes, empty Cheeto’s bags, and an overall decaying stench of un-bagged groceries that had taken rot. Yep, there couldn’t be anything worse than this. This situation absolutely sucked. There was only one way out, I’d convinced myself, and it rested with my new connection Taylor to the north.

The next day came, and I took the drive north. It was about a half hour away, and owing to the nervousness that had overtaken me, I got up there a lot earlier than I should have. Probably at least an hour before I had done it. It was a nice day though, so I found a bench and sat, taking in the environment going on around there at the time. There were kids playing, bird singing, and like I said, it was beautiful outside. I felt like a Disney Princess with all of it, again, maybe an unwitting foreshadow to what things would wind up as. The day was awesome out though, completely awesome out. After waiting there for an hour, I got a little bored, and had convinced myself that no one was going to come. Taylor had told me in her email that she’d be coming in a Honda Pilot, and that she’d be carrying a beige diaper bag. Made her identifiable, I guess, even though beige was the rage this day; it seemed like every mom in the park had a beige diaper bag of some sort. Must be popular, I thought. As though she could read my mind, I looked up and saw a figure walking towards me. Tall and with raven hair and aviator sunglasses, with a stern look on her face, a baby on her hip, and carrying, you guessed it, a beige diaper bag, I guessed this was Taylor. As she got closer, I noticed the stern look start to become more warm, and soon it was a bit of a smile. Taylor was tall, much taller than my 5’6’ stature, I guessed she stood about 6’1 or so. Must have been an athlete at one time in college, I thought. As she got closer, she began to say something like….

…”Wake up Princess! It’s time to get up from your nap!” a sing-song voice interrupted my thoughts. Story time will have to stop for awhile, I’m back to reality now, a feeling confirmed by an all-too-familiar feeling of two fingers going in the leghole of my diaper, which, if you likely could guess, was wet and a little poopy.

“Oooo, yucky wucky, babygirl is so stinky inky,” I heard Mommy’s tell tale voice as she pulled the finger out of my leghole, recoiling a bit in disgust. I can’t blame her, I guess I would have done something similar if my finger went in poopy too. Mommy let out a feigned sigh, muttering something like “well, we’ll have to get you clean now, let’s change that stinky inky didee, shall we?”

Soon, the crib door went down, and I was moved over to the changing table. As Mommy got out the supplies and began to make quick work of my dirty diaper, it looked like I won’t be able to finish telling you my whole story. Oh well, Gabby’s Dollhouse is on downstairs, and my diaper has to be changed. I’ll have to tell you the rest later. I hope you don’t get too upset. I’ll be back to tell you soon, but hey! Gabbys Dollhouse is on, and I can’t miss it!

Life’s priorities, right?

[Courtney’s Bitter Pill of Desire (Part II posted 4/30/2024)]

16 hours ago, diaprbayb said:

These were not pull down. These were built-in the wall

That was my vision, or something similar. Thanks!

[Courtney’s Bitter Pill of Desire (Part II posted 4/30/2024)]

There’s more coming 

[Courtney’s Bitter Pill of Desire (Part II posted 4/30/2024)]

I. 

My face, deep red with a combination of embarrassment and tears, was on full display, the rest of my body fully moving in momentum to my locked-tight wrist, which was firmly in the grasp of the supervising party in my life, my Mommy, who’s infuriated look pulling me along said all anyone needed to know. I could have whined, I could have done anything, but I felt…paralyzed. Things like this had happened so much in my life lately that I didn’t know what else to do. I just more or less marched along, I didn’t know what else to do. It was so embarrassing. I wanted to be anywhere but here, but here I was, unable to leave.

It'd have been embarrassing enough if I was only in trouble. Making this whole thing even worse was what was around my waist. My bottom? Covered in poop. I had a diaper on, sure, but still, anyone within a 10000000 mile radius could smell it. It had a huge blowout, there were messy streaks going down my previously-pristine leggings. It looked every bit as bad as I smelled.  It wasn’t the first time I had one of these, but for whatever reason, this was different. I’d even had poopy blowouts in the mall before; today, I was just on a heater. Tantrums, all of that. At this point, I didn’t even care, and I figured that if this was how I was going to be treated, I might as well give Mommy what she wanted. We were a sight for anyone who bothered to pay attention; my Auntie Stef walked at a steady distance behind, carrying my “older” sister, who, judging from this whole scene, had clearly passed me in the maturity department.

“Unbelievable, just unbelievable, I’m at a complete loss for words,” Mommy bemoaned aloud, targeted at an audience of one, “all this, all this…embarrassment for Mommy, all because of a poopy diaper, a poopy diaper!” 

This end of the statement drew a few curious stares, but Mommy was undeterred. “A poopy diaper baby, you’ve ruined the day for all of us, and especially your sister, all because of a damn poopy diaper, something I think we see more than once per day? I don’t get it, I really don’t.”

Mommy was scary when she was upset because there were bits of calm mixed into the inner seas of her volcanic temper. 

“You just think you’re going to get to watch Gabby’s Dollhouse when your sister does when we’re home, well, you’ve got another thing coming, Missy. You’ll be lucky if you’re able to leave your playpen all week after this little display, ughh!” Mommy started again,  before once again showcasing the madness of it all, “…all because of a poopy diaper, unbelievable, even your sister doesn’t melt down like this because of an accident, and she’s expected to use the potty; you’re not, you go in your diapers, ugh, just unbelievable.”

I just tried to move fast in my complicated waddling state, my legs uncomfortably mixed with my own fecal matter, all while reflecting on the current events. Seeing my sister really surpass me and take her rightful spot as the older kid in the house, it just set me off.. It wasn’t fair, she got to have her ears pierced, and I had to watch! What should have been a delightful rite of passage for my sister, Mommy, and Auntie Stef, quickly devolved into my own tantrum on the floor of Claire’s shortly afterwards, to the delight of no one. Compounding it all was the fact that in the middle of this tantrum, I had made a runny poopy in my diaper, making a further mess even worse by throwing myself on my bottom in the middle of it all. All because I was supposed to watch the other three shop for my sister. I didn’t want to watch this! I just wanted to be anywhere else; or my own ears pierced. How dare they! 

As I was dragged across the mall floor by Mommy towards the family bathrooms, I snapped back into reality. I’d been falling into these mindsets more and more lately, which was concerning, but probably was something I’d better become more used to. I didn’t know when I’d ever be out of this treatment, if ever, so maybe I’d better just start giving into the end of the rainbow more;  I didn’t know where this was ultimately headed. I’m a little conflicted though; on one hand, this was my present and indefinite future reality, which thought this was what I always wanted, and I should be ecstatic, but on the other hand, this was my present and indefinite future reality, and it was embarrassing mostly and other times cringe worthy. It truly had become a textbook case of “be careful what you wish for”, forced into this due to my own missteps, unlikely to ever leave, at least anytime soon. As simple as my life had become, it was equally complemented by perceived complication. 

We finally got near a familiar sight, the family restroom sign pointed a direction that our destination was nearby. I was surprised Mommy took this detour; but then, why would she need to get the car seats poopy and make my Auntie Stef’s car stinky if she didn’t have to. Maybe, I guess, I didn’t know. Just guesses, my time for planning and those sorts of things had gone out the window a long time ago. Just as I was hoping for something uneventful, we turned the corner to the family restroom and…it was “out of order”. 

“Hmmm,” Mommy looked at Auntie Stef, “any ideas?” 

“Let’s just take everyone to the ladies room, I’ll take Amelia potty while you can take care of Courtney’s poopy diaper, there’s a place to change her there,” Auntie Stef informed her.

“Alright, ladies room it is,” Mommy still seemed annoyed, but obviously not with her sister.

We once again were off at Mommy’s brisk pace. Thankfully, the ladies room wasn’t too far away. I wasn’t too sure though, I didn’t like the fact that this was much more public than the family restroom we originally were going to use. As we went in the doorway, Auntie Stef took my sister, “want to go to the big girl potty with Auntie?”

“Mmhmm,” I heard Amelia say. 

“Alright, we’ll meet you out here when we’re done, see you soon,” Mommy smiled and kissed Amelia, before turning towards our destination. 

Mommy pulled me towards a back corner, where there were several changing tables, built in to the counters, each separated into different changing areas by a dividing wall, but set up in a way that multiple changes could take place simultaneously. As we approached, I saw another mom starting a similar job with her own toddler, who sounded about as thrilled as I was to have their diaper changed. I was still a crying, teary mess, so I had no room to talk. 

Mommy walked to the table next to the occupied one, setting down her brioche diaper backpack on a space behind the changing table. She moved my hand from her vice grip to around a metal rod by the structure, leaving me to stand awkwardly while she took everything out. A new diaper, a travel case of wipes, a changing pad, new clothes, nothing was spared; she even took out hand sanitizer for herself for after the change was done. Like I said, very prepared. As I stood there awkwardly, alternating my glances between Mommy’s pretty brioche Petunia Pickle Bottom bag and the environment around us. 

As I glanced, the other mom looked over, giving us both a half smile, before doing a bit of a double take at me. At 5’6”, I wasn’t the typical baby having my diaper changed.Soon, I felt Mommy pushing me towards the table, her immense strength overpowering me, “Up,” was all she said. As I moved my poopy bottom towards salvation, I noticed Mommy making a smile to the other mom who was looking at us. 

“Poopy diapers, doesn’t matter how big the baby, always gonna be poopy diapers, am I right? Just when I thought I had both of my girls out of diapers, this one decided her journey in them didn’t want to be over, and here we are!” Mommy said in a feigned exasperation of catharsis.

“Oh I can relate to that!” I heard the other mom say, “when her brother was born,” she began telling Mommy, motioning to the toddler she was changing, “she decided to cancel her own potty training, and I’ve got two loads of poopy diapers to change now! Gotta love motherhood!”

“Have lots of babies, they said…” Mommy began and laughed, to which the other mom laughed too. 

She pulled back my sodden leggings and began the dirty work. As she pulled them down my dirty legs, she pulled out a plastic bag, rolling the leggings into the bag, tying it shut, and walking over, past the other relatable mom. Mommy quickly tossed it away, there was no reusing of it, not in any known universe.

“Looks like a code brown and a half,” I heard the other mom say.

“Like I said, just another day,” Mommy laughed, coming back to find me, “it’s why they sell clothes right?”

As Mommy began pulling out wipes, the other mom must have finished, I heard her say goodbye, and Mommy happily bid her adieu. I always found mommies/moms to be such strange individuals. They were the only people I knew who could exchange pleasantries while being wrist deep in poopy. I guess it was a labor of love or something sappy. 

“Phew, phewwie, you stink stinkyyy,” Mommy teased somewhat melancholy; I think she’d rather be doing anything but this right now, especially given her current state of furor. Before taking on the diaper, she ran a series of wipes up and down my legs, cleaning off the blowout aftermath, putting the wipes in another plastic bag she’d popped out. Soon after, she opened the diaper, revealing the mess that necessitated this visit in the first place. 

“Yucky wucky, you’re so stinky, inky,” she teased, taking on the unenvious task of cleaning my diaper area. As mad as she could get at me, diaper changes were always pleasant, Mommy made them fun, no matter how many she did. She made baby noises, Mommy noises, in exaggerated tones throughout the entirety of the charge. Prior to Amelia using the potty, Mommy was just the same. A real natural, one could not argue.I knew I was really in for it when I got home, but for this moment in time, Mommy made me forget about it, as brief a reprieve as it might be.

The cool wipes moved across my bottom, up the crack, over and over. Across my little peepee, which by this point was very much unusable except to potty, and all over the rest. A large cloud of baby powder soon followed, as did a dollop of rash cream. Soon, Mommy lifted me, sliding another diaper underneath me, taping it up. Mommy then took out a khaki skirt, pulling it up my legs. It matched my purple Gabby’s Dollhiuse shirt, I was impressed.

“All done, Princess,” Mommy looked at me, putting the wipes into the used diaper and taping it up;, “lay there so Mommy can pack all your diaper goodies up.”

Mommy squirted hand sanitizer on her hands, and began rubbing them as she looked at the landscape. She put the wipes container back, the powder and cream back, and then had me get off the table while she put the changing pad away. She slung the brioche bag on her shoulder, taking the used diaper in one hand and my hand in another. As we walked towards a garbage can, another mom came in, babies in tow. She and Mommy made eye contact, each shaking their heads and exchanging a laugh. Mommy tossed my used diaper out, and led me out towards the mall, where Amelia and Auntie Stef were waiting. 

“Looks like you got that solved,” Auntie Stef chuckled. 

“All in a mom’s work, right?” Mommy said lightheartedly. 

“Of course, nice choice too, she’s really rocking that diaper, isn’t she?” Stef asked. 

“You better believe it, you know she loves it, doesn’t she? Doesn’t she?” Mommy teased. I just got red and embarrassed. 

Aunt Stef was right, I was “rocking” my diaper. My skirt was really short, the bottom peaked out, and when I raised my arms the teeniest bit, the diaper stuck out the top. Anyone could see it, anyone within ear shot could notice it. 

“Well, let’s go home, we’ll get Amelia a frosty and us some lunch, and we can take it home and eat it; I’d love to eat in, but we need to get the baby down for her afternoon nap, she’s kind of cranky, if you couldn’t tell,” Mommy said in a mocking tone, to which the two laughed. Amelia gave a cute laugh of her own, but I think it was mostly to humor the adults.

Off we went, Mommy holding my hand and pulling me, Aunt Stef carrying my sister. Two different directions, me pulled towards perpetual and infinite babydom, my sister pushed to higher and higher heights. I was overwhelmed, and so deeply conflicted. As we made it out to Auntie Stef’s Highlander, a dark and extended reality began to settle on me that I would never escape. As I was buckled in my car seat, I began to sob, beginning to process the day that this ear piercing adventure had wrought.

“Oh Courtney, it’s ok, you’re just tired baby,” Mommy tried to console me, handing me a bottle, “drink some milkies, and enjoy the ride; Mommy will carry you in at home if you fall asleep, you’ve had a long day Princess.”

I took the bottle and began to suckle down the bitter pill my life had swallowed. It wasn’t always this way, but it looked like it was going to be moving forward. As I began to doze and take it in, I thought about it all, and how I had no one else but myself to blame.  

[Jaclyn's Adventures in Diapers II: Jaclyn's Potty Training Junction (Parts I and II Posted 3/3/24)]

5 hours ago, Babytom948 said:

wrong year lady

Thanks for the catch lol

[Jaclyn's Adventures in Diapers II: Jaclyn's Potty Training Junction (Parts I and II Posted 3/3/24)]

Nm

[Becky, Beth, and Baby Jaclyn (An All-New Jaclyn Adventure!) **Part V Posted 8/14/23**]

Just now, kerry said:

I remember this story, but if I'm right about that you have really changed its plotline. I seem to recall him being in Hawaii and moving to San Francisco? Am I thinking of the right piece? In any case, it's fun. 🙂

A different plot line, absolutely. Kind of a Jaclyn multiverse lol.

[Becky, Beth, and Baby Jaclyn (An All-New Jaclyn Adventure!) **Part V Posted 8/14/23**]

nm

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

On 4/13/2023 at 4:45 PM, DisplayName said:

I really enjoyed this diaper story! Is it all good with you if we post it on our website and give you credits! 

https://newdiaperarchivegroup.co.uk

 

Please let me know,

Thanks x

Im very flattered at your request, but I’m not interested in widespread usage at this point outside of here, if that changes, I’ll let you know. 

 

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

2 hours ago, Guilend said:

I figured there would be more with Rebecca. I wonder if Mommy ever found out what she did the first day and if she ever did it again. I wonder how mommy would react if she knew. I do know that Rebecca should not have done what she did and definitely should have been punished for it. I guess she could have been wrecked with guilt and went to Beth and told her. 

No matter,  it was a very interesting story. I knew Beth had something to do with his wetting at the beginning. Though I didn't even think that she targeted him from the start. Good story 

Thanks! I can assure you that you’ll see more of Rebecca in the next editions. This is more or less an introduction to Jaclyn’s world, there’ll be a lot more about the characters introduced, plus new ones as well. Rebecca in her short time became my favorite character, she’ll feature heavily, you haven’t seen the last of her. 

Thanks for reading! 

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

***Present-Day*** (Epilogue)

As I stared up at the ceiling, getting prepped for another diaper change at my party, I couldn’t help but think that this had been such a long and strange journey. I sucked my pacifier intensely as I took in the whole scene around me; they were all here for my “2nd birthday”; life really was stranger than fiction. 

As much as I’d been regressed, I still maintained a lot of my faculties in understanding what was going on around me. Even though I’d “progressed” to a level that was appropriate to a 2-year-old, Mommy and the rest of my “care team” deemed it fit for me to stay there on an indefinite hold. Mommy had tried potty training me, but I couldn’t get it out of my head that I enjoyed pottying in my pants too much to move into underwear, so I just kind of stayed here. 

At some point, Mommy decided that I was happy where I was, and because my happiness was so important for her, she just kept the treatment up. No one objected, treating it as completely normal, and here is where I ultimately found myself, in an endless stream of 2nd birthdays. 

As I layed looking up at the ceiling, my pants coming down,  my thoughts were interrupted; I heard a familiar voice. 

“Happy Birthday, baby sisterrrr!”

That voice, it could only belong to one person! It was Samantha! She finally came! 

I looked in the direction, further confirming my ecstatic suspicions: there was the mini-me of Mommy that I’d come to adore as my big sister after all of these years. 

“A-manthwa!” I smiled super happily, my bottom popping up, to a surprised Mommy, who hadn’t quite started the diaper change

“Hold on there sweetie, Mommy needs to get a clean di-dee on you,” Mommy laughed. 

“Mom, I can take care of it,” Samantha said, kneeling down, “I’ve missed this little cutie soooo much!”

“Whatever floats your boat,” Mommy said laughing, then getting up and handing Samantha a clean diaper, “have fun!” 

Samantha kneeled down, setting the diaper down and grabbing a few wipes out of the packet next to her. I was beyond excited; if there was anyone I was closer to than Mommy, it might have been Samantha. We’d had a rocky and awkward start, but she was my best friend now, well, as best of friends a 2 and a 20-something could be. 

“Oh Jac-y, your cousins and I picked out a grrrreat present for you! I can’t wait for you to see it!” Samantha told me as she went through the process of my diaper change. Just as methodical as her mom usually was, she wiped my bottom and my girly areas and had my bottom up and a new diaper taped around it rather quickly, all while treating happily it like it was the first time she’d done it. 

Pulling up my leggings, she helped me up and patted my bottom, “All done little sister, let’s go open your presents!”, I took her hand and let her lead while she used the other to carry my used diaper to throw it away in a nearby garbage can. 

“Guess what? It’s present time, aren’t you just the most excited little girl?” Samantha sweetly sung. 

“Pwesents good ‘Amanfwa”, I lisped back, clutching her hand, which held mine in a fairly strong grip. 

“Oh yes sister, did YOU know that *I* love presents too?” She asked me like it was the first time I could comprehend something of the sort. I nodded accordingly, following her lead into the living room. 

The room was filled by everyone; Mommy was sitting by a large pile of presents and a cake. She patted the couch, and Samantha let go of my hand, and instinctually, I toddled in Mommy’s direction, ultimately parking my diapered bottom on her lap, with Samantha coming and sitting next to us. 

“Oh my gosh, what a cute picture!” Auntie Dana exclaimed. 

“Aren’t you all just the most adorable family?” Auntie Claudia asked, almost rhetorically. 

Almost on cue, the two of them had their phones out, taking turns snapping pictures of our smiling faces in front of the cake and Mt. Present. 

The cake itself was beautiful; it was a “My Little Pony” cake emblazoned with “Happy Birthday Jaclyn” across it. The cake had layers with a rainbow on top, each layer looked like a diorama of sorts, complete with a pony figurine. 

In my previous life, I’d loved art, and probably would have admired this design in some way. Now? Cake sounded yummy, I went right for the chocolate-y goodness that I knew would be inside, and soon began destroying the cake. More photo opportunities came from this spectacle, with everyone laughing.

“Woah-oh, save some for the rest of us baby girl,” Mommy laughed, “you’re gonna make your pretty little outfit all dirty!”

Pretty soon, my hands and face were covered in chocolate cake; I think I had more on me than I’d probably eaten. It was a sight to behold, and more pictures were taken. Mommy started cleaning me up with baby wipes (there was a reason she left a package in every room, I guess), and soon announced it was time to open presents. I sat back in her lap, and Samantha brought me presents, which I dutifully opened one by one. 

I’d finally gone through them all, and I looked around for more. Cassidy told me there was a big one coming. I didn’t see any; it didn’t look like there were any else, and finally Samantha spoke up. 

“Little sister, your cousins and I got you a really special surprise, do you wanna see it?”

I nodded enthusiastically; what little girl didn’t love presents? Apparently big girls like Samantha did too, she’d told me after all. 

“Well, come with me then,” she stood up, putting her hand out. I looked up at a grinning Mommy, who nodded at me to go. 

I took and held on to Samantha’s hand as she, Cassidy, and Caitlyn were finally ready to unveil my “great surprise. They led me to the garage, all was about to be revealed. The door opened, and I squealed in toddler delight when I saw it. 

I couldn’t believe it. It was a car. Not just ant cat either, it was a pink Land Rover, and most importantly to me, it was all mine. I waddled over opened the door and jumped in the front seat, grinning from ear to ear from behind my pacifier. 

“I big giwl! I big wike Mommy and ‘Amanfwa!” 

“Oh yes you are Princess! You get your own car now to drive around like Mommy and Samantha!” Cassidy smiled. 

“Sister smiles!” Samantha instructed cheerfully, snapping photos with her cell phone while I cheerfully smiled back. 

After taking what probably amounted to 10 rolls of film, Samantha walked over and turned the plastic ignition switch, the 12V battery made a whirring noise, and I hit the “gas”, lurching the plastic vehicle forward.

“Looks like the battery is charged,” Caitlyn laughed, “don’t waste it in one place, little cousin!”

I drove the car in a circle, squealing with happiness and sprinkling pee into my diaper, my big sister and cousins cheering me on. I had a birthday for the ages, surrounded by my most favorite people. It was an incredibly awesome feeling. 

That night, as I was changed into my night diaper by Mommy, she looked down at me. 

“Did you just have the best birthday ever, Princess?” 

I nodded. 

“What was your favorite?”

“Big giwl car, ‘Amanfwa,” I lisped behind my pacifier.

“Aww, I’m so happy she’s here too, and that present she and your cousins picked out was so adorable too, I know she was excited to get it for you, they all were.”

Mommy continued, “I know these things really mean the world to your sister, especially since she’s moved out. She’s going to be up here in a few minutes to kiss you goodnight.” 

I couldn’t help but have a warm feeling inside, I felt like a hole in my being had been filled by these random strangers I met on an Internet chat room over a decade ago. It seemed like a completely different lifetime. 

Mommy finished putting my new diaper on and getting me dressed for bed, before putting her arms around me. 

“How about some birthday cuddles and num-nums from Mommy, would you like that?”

I nodded. 

Mommy picked me up, put me on her hip and moved to the rocking chair by my crib. She put me across her and unclipped her bra. I latched on and began suckling rhythmically; she cradled my head as support. The rhythm had its intended effect, as I began to nod off, a trickle of pee moving into my diaper. 

Mommy kissed my head as I suckled. “I love you so much Princess.”

I snuggled closer, falling into the sands of sleep. This was bliss, my own world of infantile bliss. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Unconventional as it may be, I don’t think there was a happier little girl than me at that moment. This was truly the life that I was meant to live. 

THE END

******
That’s a wrap. Thanks for everyone who followed Jaclyn through her journey! 

She will be returning soon, though. Two more are in the works!

Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers Part 2: A Sisterly Bond

And 

Jaclyn’s Adventure in Diapers Part 3: Jaclyn’s Potty Training

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

XXI. 

The doors to the bowels of the pediatrician’s office opened up, and a nurse emerged. “Jaclyn?” the nurse asked. 

Mommy raised her hand, and stood up, and then followed it by popping me off of her lap and onto the floor, before picking me up to carry me, “C’mon Princess,” she smiled, “let’s go get you all checked up,” she told me, patting my soggy diaper in the process. It was amazing how Mommy could handle me at this point, but the steady diet of baby meals and mostly breast milk had really taken my weight down, I guess I was easy to handle. 

The nurse smiled at us both. “Well hello there, we’re so happy to have you here today Jaclyn,” she told me, her face really close to my face, as if I could really comprehend it, or if I even wanted to. It was a sweet voice though. I smiled back from behind my pacifier; it was all I could really do at this point. “Aren’t you just the most beautiful little girl? I’m Ms. Penny,” she told us. 

Ms. Penny led us to a room in the back; it was a brightly-painted room with paintings of rainbows, kittens, and an ocean scene. Very pretty, I thought, but that was here nor there. I had memories of more sophisticated artwork of my own; those days were long gone by that point. 

“Now why don’t we get this pretty little girl’s weight?” the nurse asked, putting some paper down on the scale. 

Before she put me down, Mommy told the nurse, “this one’s tushy is a bit squishy from potty pants, should I take her diaper off?” 

“Yes please,” the nurse told her, smiling, “we can get a more accurate weight of this little one that way, but I’m sure you know the drill,” 

“Between her older sister and her, I definitely do,” Mommy chuckled. 

Mommy placed me on the table, which was a little bit of a tight fit. I don’t think they had this length of baby in mind when they designed these things, but we were making due with what we had at this point. Mommy pulled down my tights and removed my diaper, using a wipe she had brought out of the diaper bag to clean my pee-covered areas. She balled the used diaper out and it dropped into the wastebasket in the office with a noticeable “plop”.

“Wow Princess, you might have doubled your weight with that one,” Mommy laughed. 

The scale did its job, and it came out with a weight. “80 lbs,” Ms. Penny announced, “aren’t you just a healthy little girl,” she teased. 

“You can go ahead and put a new diaper on her now,” Ms. Penny added.

“Probably best,” Mommy responded, taking a diaper out of the bag and opening it up. As she lifted my bottom up, sliding it underneath, she looked over at Ms. Penny, “You just never know with these little ones, they’re so unpredictable, and could get their little potty mess everywhere, we’ve had a few incidents. I always say, better to be diapered than sorry,” Mommy laughed, taping up the diaper. 

She pulled the tights back up, and lifted me back off the table and on to her lap. 

“Well Princess, the doctor will be here soon,” Ms. Penny told us, leaving out the door. Mommy tightened her arms around me, and I snuggled into her shoulder. I really didn’t like doctors, or offices; this wasn’t a recent development, I just never did care for them.  At least Mommy was here, and my nerves were calmed by my constant suckling of my pacifier. 

Mommy looked down at me as I snuggled onto her shoulder. “Are you hungry sweetie?”

I looked up, “uhm hmmm” was about all I could muster from behind the pacifier. 

“Ok then,” and she moved me a bit over before unclipping her bra and popping out her enlarged, milk-filled boob, placing it on my mouth. She pulled a small blanket out of my diaper bag and covered me with it as I nursed. 

“There you go baby, all big drinks for Mommy,” she spoke sweetly, patting my bottom as I dribbled pee into my just-changed diaper. To be honest, that’d become a pretty common occurrence these days; I had very little knowledge (or control) that it was happening, and a warming or cooling sensation was always my cue. That’s why I’m in diapers, everyone tells me in baby-talk voices, so it must be true. 

As I suckled, the door knocked, and I heard steps. “Hi there!” also emerged from behind my blanketed shroud. 

“Oh hi, I’m sorry about this…it was such an early morning and Jac-y didn’t get much of a chance to eat,” I heard Mommy say.

While most people would probably lose their senses over this sight, it didn’t faze Dr. Roberts; she had been in charge of my transition since I started, and knew all about what was going on. 

“Oh no worries, I know babies have to eat, mine were always the same at that age…you never know where or when that hunger urge will come!” Dr. Roberts joked. 

“While Jaclyn’s finishing, how about we get some of the preliminaries out of the way?” She asked. 

“That works wonderfully,” Mommy told her, “lemme switch Jac-y real fast.”

Mommy popped my mouth off her boob and moved it to the other. Warm milk once again flowed into my mouth; it tasted heavenly, as always. 

“Well I can see you’ve got a voracious eater, that’s always a good sign! Let’s start with the questions,” Dr. Roberts informed Mommy. 

“Does she call you ‘Mama’, ‘Mommy’, or another special name?”

“Oh she sure does, it’s all ‘Mommy’ all the time,” Mommy chuckled.

“Does she understand ‘no’?”

“Oh of course, but I wish she’d follow it more!”

“Oh don’t we all, I still have trouble with mine, and they’re almost and already out of the house!”

“Does she wave bye-bye?”

“Ummhmmm, every day when her sister goes to school, or if she’s with her Auntie Dana when I go to work, or leaving Auntie Dana’s and anyone else’s”

“Such a smart and polite little girl!”

“Does she enjoy games like pat-a-cake?”

“Oh yes! That and peek-a-boo are her favorites!”

“Can she put something in a container, like a block in a cup?”

“Yes, she does that!”

“Does she look for things that someone hides?”

“Like a little detective!”

“Does she pull herself up?”

“She does,”

“Does she walk while holding onto furniture?”

“Yes, but she prefers me carrying her, or crawling on the floor, walking isn’t something she’s shown a ton of interest in.”

“Umm hmm, I see. Last question: does she pick things up with their thumb and pointer finger?”

“Yes.”

“Well it looks to me like you have a little girl who should be right where she needs to be, developmentally speaking. I wouldn’t worry about the lack of walking; some babies do it faster than others.” 

“Now on to other things, if she’s done eating, would you mind taking her diaper off so I can give her a quick physical exam?”

“No problem,” Mommy told her, picking me up again and putting me back on the table. She un-taped my once-more wet diaper, letting it plop forward. 

“Wet again, she just pees and poops around the clock,” Mommy clucked her tongue. 

“Is she eating a lot of solids?”

“Mostly purées and breast milk.”

“That explains the potty frequencies, are her BMs soft or hard?”

“Soft, very much like liquid.”

“As long as she’s drinking enough, she’ll be doing great.”

Dr. Roberts began to examine my eyes, asking me a few things, checked my hearing, then moved further down. 

“Looks like breast development is coming in nicely, her genitals also have drastically changed from the last time she was here, very non-existent penis and testes, to put it very bluntly.”

“Is she a candidate for surgery?”

“Yes, of course, we can do a consultation next week and get it done by next month, she’s professed really nicely, and her levels are exactly where they should be. I see absolutely no issue.”

“Hear that Jac-y? You’re finally going to get big girl surgery!” Mommy’s excitement was palpable. 

“Why don’t you get her dressed and we’ll discuss next steps?”

Mommy got a new diaper out, wiped my bottom and popped me in nice dry diaper. 

I was happy. Mommy was happy. Dr. Roberts was happy. I was going to get surgery and become the girl I’d been desiring to be my whole life. 

As Mommy and the doctor talked, I just sat in an infantilized zone of ecstatic happiness. I got a lollipop for being such a good girl and before I knew it, I was almost falling asleep in my car seat on the way home, dreaming nothing but happy thoughts. 

***Several Months Later***

Fast forward a few months, snuggling in a severely-dirtied diaper, dreaming thoughts about beaches of my former life. Why? I’ll never know. The curtains of my nursery are opened, startling me awake. My eyes gazed up and were met by Mommy and Samantha looking down on me, smiling.

“Guess what? I hear it’s someone’s  first birthday!” Mommy sweetly sung. 

“Get out,” Samantha replied in a sarcastic tone, “who’s birthday?”

“I’ll give a hint, her name begins with a J, has six letters, a full diaper, and is about to be…AMBUSHED BY TICKLES!!!!” Mommy teased, letting down the crib door, and tickling me all over. I laughed beyond hard behind my pacifier, pee squirting out into my already sodden diaper. 

This was a big day indeed, my first birthday as Jaclyn, aka Mommy’s little princess. It has been a whirlwind last few months for a little girl like me: I’d had the surgery a month prior, and I’d been formally adopted by Mommy, my name legally changed as well, and I don’t know that I was used to it, would I ever? I didn’t know. I was happy playing my part though, the regression really had its perks. I had a family now full of people who cared, a support network of my new family and Mommy’s friends, it wasn’t too bad. I was grateful for this fresh start; I felt like a million loads had been lifted off of my shoulders. 

I was dressed in an appropriate set of clothing for the typical one-year old enjoying the pomp and circumstance of their first birthday party. I was put in a white frilly dress, with a pink “1” on the front of it, with “Jaclyn” written in faded cursive across it. My hair was put up into a pretty little set of pigtails, and of course, I had on a diaper underneath. I had a fleeting glance in a mirror as Mommy was dressing me, and I thought I very much looked the part. 

Once I was dressed, I felt scooped up again, and I was firmly planted on Mommy’s hip as she carried me downstairs. As we went down the stairs, my eyes were fixated on what was going on around the house. Mommy had really gone all out for this one. 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACLYN!” was in big cut out letters on top of the door to Mommy’s living room. There were balloons everywhere, there were decorations of Disney Princesses all the way across, it was so pretty. Tears filled my eyes; my mind was very much slipping into that of my appropriate age space, sure, but there were still times like this where I very much remembered the darkness of my previous life, and could contrast it with how lucky I was to have wound up in this unconventional, yet entirely loving and supportive situation that I found myself in now. 

I’d never been a fan of birthdays, like ever. As far back as I could remember, things like this were just something that I went through my own motions on. I’d get a few cheap gifts, maybe someone would call, but there was never anything about it that made me feel special. Most of the time, I just treated it like any other day. Like I’ve said, my family back in my previous life was what I’d best describe as unsupportive in everything. I’d always fallen through the cracks, had never fit in, and I pretty much felt like a walking accident to them. Here, however, I felt no such thing. I was finally making the realization that I was the baby of this family, of my family now, and I felt fortunate to even be here. 

I was happy. Happiness that had eluded me most of my life, I’d found it here, my bottom taped up in a disposable diaper, treated like a one year old girl for all intents and purposes. It was unconventional and probably wouldn’t make sense to anyone else. But it made sense to me, and I was extremely happy with it. I still had my anxieties, but I now knew that Mommy was there to love, protect, and nurture me, filling gaps in my life and subconscious that had been so painfully drug out and exploited by many people over the years. If feeling this way was wrong, I didn’t want to be right. 

Mommy took me into her living room and put me in a playpen with all of the toys that I could want to entertain myself for the time being. She put on the Disney channel, and said something about going and making sure everything was good for the party; there were guests arriving soon. It wasn’t my concern, so I tried to put it out of my primitive mind. Soon I heard voices over what I was watching on the TV, but again, I didn’t pay them much mind, these cartoons were too important. 

“She’s in here,” I heard Mommy say. Mommy was followed in by someone who very much looked her identical twin, except with raven dark hair as opposed to the flaming red hair that Mommy sported on her head. I had never seen her before in person, but I’d seen the occasional picture on the wall, but I guess I never got the chance to ask. 

I looked back, and as my eyes met Mommy’s, Mommy sensed my curiosity I guess. “Jac-y, this is someone I’d like you to meet, it’s your Aunt Claudia, she’s Mommy’s sister.”

I just kind of sat there and waved, “Hewwo”, was all I could say. Auntie Claudia soon came over and kneeled down next to the playpen, looking in. 

“Well hi to you, too, you little cutiepie! I’m so happy I finally get to meet you! Your Mommy has told me soooo much about you, welcome to our little family!”

I blushed. What else was I going to do or say? Not much, I guess. I was excited, to be honest. I hadn’t met any of Mommy’s family up to this point; my only experiences had been with her friends that were basically family. Mommy did, though, live quite far from most of her family, so they rarely saw each other except for special occasions, and I guess this was one of those. 

“Aren’t you so precious,” Auntie Claudia told me, “your cousins are just going to absolutely adore you, they sure are, yes they are,” she told me in a form of baby talk. 

Cousins? I had cousins? This was an interesting development to be sure. In my past life, I too had cousins, but we were never what I’d consider to be close. Like most of my life, everything was fairly and conveniently distant. Maybe I’d have a better relationship with these two. 

 “I think they’re over with Samantha,” Mommy told her, “I’ll go round them up if you want.”

“You can go ahead,” Auntie Claudia spoke warmly, “I don’t mind watching the baby,” she said smiling. 

“Sure, sounds good,” Mommy told her.

“Oh and Beth?” Auntie Claudia looked at Mommy.

“Yes?”

“Take your time!”

“Of course Claudia,” Mommy smiled, got up and left. 

With that, Auntie Claudia turned her attention towards me again. She seemed nice, warm and caring like her sister, but even in my old life, I typically had anxiety meeting new people. This birthday was no different. I was in my preferred safe space, but still, I was always nervous about these sorts of things because even though I’d been regressing, I was still aware that I wasn’t your typical “baby”, and I’d always had a fear that people wouldn’t take it as nicely as Mommy and her amazing friends.  Auntie Claudia smiled, and sat down near me.

“Hi again Jaclyn!” she spoke as if she were any adult meeting a toddler for the first time. 

I waved. That’s all I did, was wave. I didn’t want to be rude, but I was incredibly introverted, and these sorts of things bothered me greatly, although they shouldn’t have. So, as was typical with my nerves, I got so nervous, I filled my diaper with brown liquid. Auntie Claudia smiled, but then I could see her nose sniff the air.

“Smells like you made a little present for your Auntie doesn’t it? Did you want to let Auntie Claudia change your stinky little diaper? Is that what you’ve been waiting for? Is it Princess?” she teased.

“Mommy told me that your little nickname was Princess Poopy Pants, and I see why, yes I sure do,” she joked again. 

At least she was taking it in stride, I was embarrassed; the feeling of a poopy diaper wasn’t my favorite, and it was something that drew attention to me, which again, I really didn’t like. This was once again why I was also nervous about this party. I’ve said before, I *hate* being the center of attention, and here I was, having a 1st birthday…once again as the center of attention. I’ll be honest, I really didn’t want someone I barely knew doing this; I’d been changed by more than a few people over the time that I’d been back in diapers, but usually it was by someone I was familiar with, whether it was Auntie Dana, Rebecca, or even Samantha. This, though, I was entirely unsure of.  What could I do though? It’s not like babies got to pick and choose who changed them, right? I was the baby now, for better or worse, and it would be a bit odd if I suddenly decided to break mentality now because I was feeling a little unsure of this situation. Besides, it was Mommy’s sister, my real Auntie, after all. This wouldn’t be the last time that she’d do it, so why bother fighting it?

Auntie Claudia got up and went over to near the couch where my diapering supplies were. Every room had one of these, and with a little one year old girl in the house, why wouldn’t they? Each was a little cloth cube of diapers, wipes, and a changing pad, plus rash cream or anything else that may be needed. Mommy was on top of things all the time, and it often showed. Pulling out the cube in the living room, Auntie Claudia brought back a new diaper, a changing pad, and a package of wipes, coming down by where I was at and laying down the pad near me, laying the diaper next to it, and opening the container of wipes. 

“Alright let’s clean that stinky butt,” Auntie Claudia patted the changing pad, “no little girl should have a poopy diaper on her birthday should she?” 

She asked these questions as if she expected a reply, but in all honesty, they were pretty rhetorical. I sometimes enjoyed squishing in the poop in my bottom, but it always felt amazing to get out of one.

I crawled to the edge of the playpen, and raised my arms; as if she expected it, Auntie Claudia came over and lifted me out, setting me down, and I crawled over to the changing pad, where I layed down without fighting anything. 

“There we goooo, that’s Auntie’s good little niece, look at how well you listen! That’s ex-cell-ent for a one year old, yes it is, yes it is!” she told me in a babyish tone.

“Now lay back and let Auntie take care of your stinky little panties, we’ll get you smelling all nice with a clean tushy before you can say…’poopies’!” she joked. I guess she used the term “poopies” too, it must be a sisterly thing. 

As I felt my frilly little dress being pushed up, I stared at the ceiling. Over the time I’d been in diapers, I’d become pretty familiar with this ceiling; I think this area was probably the most common place I’d been changed outside of my nursery. It was a nice ceiling, with beams and a very artsy feeling to it. In my old life, I’d really scrutinize such things; now, I was just intent to take it for what it was, and to let it drift and dance into my downward slope into infant status. 

Soon, I was alerted to the opening of my poopy diaper, and I could feel the cold air come down onto my area. I looked back up at Auntie Claudia, who wrinkled her nose, but also took on the mannerisms of just about anyone who’s changed a baby’s dirty diaper. It smelled terrible, they all did, but she smiled, cooed, and blew raspberries, often taking time to tease me about how stinky my diaper was. The cool wipes felt amazing on my poop-covered bottom; the feeling of being clean was so underrated. I soon became lost in Auntie Claudia’s baby talk and her cleaning me with the wipes.

Soon, I heard voices. Not the kind that are imagined in your head, but actual, chatty little voices. 

Mid wipe, I noticed Auntie Claudia look up and back, showing a bit of a grin. How anyone could have any kind of happy face while handling a poopy diaper, I didn’t know. They built women like Mommy and Auntie Claudia different, I guess. Looking at what Auntie Claudia was looking at, I noticed it was Mommy and two younger girls I’d never seen before, both dark-haired girls who had some resemblance to Auntie Claudia. Were they my cousins?

“Girls!” Auntie Claudia stopped wiping and looked back, “this little stinky girl is your cousin Jaclyn!” 

Soon, the two girls came over, looking at their mom, and then at me. 

“Hiiii Jaclynnnn” the taller of the two said, “I’m Cassidy.” I just stared back.

“And I’m Caitlyn!” the shorter one said, “we’re you’re cousins!”

“I see your niece gifted you with one of her favorite presents,” Mommy laughed, “she certainly has become an expert at those!” 

Auntie Claudia went back to cleaning my bottom, never breaking stride as she conversed with Mommy, “Oh, I know, happened right after you left, it’s like she was waiting for me!” They both laughed again. 

“Pheww, she sure does stink,” Cassidy mentioned, “she is cute though!”

“I don’t remember you or your sister exactly smelling like roses when you were at her age,” Auntie Claudia told her as she lifted my bottom to clean underneath, “just doing what any little girl her age does!”

“I like your dress Jaclyn,” Caitlyn told me, “it looks very nice.” She seemed the more soft spoken of the two; I’m sure it wasn’t easy. My whole family seemed pretty chatty; all I could do was smile. 

Soon, Auntie Claudia finally had the new diaper fanned out and placed under my bottom, setting me back down and taping the new diaper up, and taping up the wipes she used in the old one. 

“There we go Princess, all done, you were such a good girl for Auntie…even if you were a little stinky,” she smiled, kissing me on the forehead, “welcome to the family!”

She turned and looked at Cassidy, “Since you wanted to talk about stinky Cass-y, here’s a present for you, can you go throw it away for me please? And see, you get a present too today, just like Jac-y, she’ll get some toys and other stuff, and you get a poopy diaper!” 

“Ew, I guess,” she told Auntie Claudia, before turning to Caitlyn, “C’mon Cait-y, let’s go throw this away, we can come back and play with Jac-y when we’re done.”

Caitlyn nodded in approval, before coming over to me and giving me a hug, “Love you cousin,” she smiled and left. 

“Well, I better go wash my hands, that was a real doozy, I’ll be back soon though cutie,” Auntie Claudia got up, putting the wipes and pad back into the cube, then getting up and walking out of the living room. 

“She’s not just excited,” Mommy told me as Auntie Claudia left, “they allllll are.”

I was excited to see who else I’d get to meet. I knew that Auntie Dana would be here soon with Natalie and Amelia, Alanna I think was coming too, plus Rebecca, and Megan, and more of Mommy’s work friends. Plus, I think more of my family I hadn’t met yet too. I couldn’t wait to blow out my candle and get into my cake, and presents! The presents! I couldn’t wait!

That night, after the party guests had left, Mommy had taken me upstairs to my nursery to get me ready for bed. It was a very exhausting, emotional day, and I was ready for sleep; my toddler behaviors and traits had been popping out more and more, and like many one-year-olds, I tended to get cranky as bedtime approached. Just as typical for these sorts of nights, my diaper was usually changed into a thicker night-time diaper, and I was held by Mommy in her lap as I breastfed and journeyed down the path towards a sleep-filled utopia. 

During this regression period, my thoughts had become more jumbled, and I was relying more on emotion rather than logic, so the comforts of being on Mommy’s breast as I fell asleep were generally inclined to be one of relaxation and less of a care about the little details, with more care and security, and thus validity, given to the more important things in life, such as the safety and security of being fed by Mommy and being in a dry diaper. Those were what mattered most to me these days; the old life that I previously had was quickly falling by the wayside, being replaced by cartoons, pureed food, naps, and used diapers. 

As Mommy cradled me that night, she looked down at me, our eyes met, and I gave her a quick smile before I quickly went to work on her left breast. 

“Honey, I hope that you enjoyed your party today  as much as I did. Everyone was so happy to see what a big girl you’ve become, and we’re all equally happy to join in with this new journey you’ve decided to take.”

She continued, as if talking to a one-way audience. 

“This whole thing, seems like a completely unrelated series of events, and to anyone, I guess it would. The thing is though, you’re where I always intended you to be, right here in my arms, snuggled up and ready for bedtime.”

It was a bit odd, but that breastmilk was a more appealing alternative than considering anything completely logical at this point. Mommy couldn’t have had any sinister side, right?

“The truth is, and I don’t really expect you to know this, is really that I’ve set this all up from the beginning. There was no coincidence involved. Your friend Alanna’s cousin worked for me, and apparently Alanna had mentioned you to her, and in turn, this wound up back to me at a work deal. You finding me online wasn’t by chance either, I’d made sure that our paths would cross.”

“The juice, all of it, I’d intended to do all of it, I knew the intended effects, and it simply made everything a lot more easier to ultimately make you mine, both your body and your mind.”

Again, this may have been an interesting conversation for my old self, but I was indulging myself in Mommy’s breastmilk at this point, and I could care less. 

“With Samantha getting older, the house started to feel more and more empty, and I knew that a baby could fill that void. There’s trouble for even a single successful woman like me to adopt, and so I knew that I had to go an alternative route, and more importantly, had to find a way for the new baby, being you, not to leave.”

“The thing is Jac-y, we may have told you that you would be re-raised, and would grow up, but the long truth of it is, I don’t intend for you to do so. You’ll probably be able to make it another year, to Age 2, and from there, we’ll probably plateau your progress. It’s ok though, I don’t think you’ll become fully aware of it, and if you do, well, there’s no getting out at this point. There’s a signed adoption order, and I have your ‘care team’ ready to testify that you are completely and mentally incompetent at this point. You’re not leaving, even if you ever thought there might be a chance.”

“But you know what? I love you Jaclyn Claire, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. You’re going to be cared for by a Mommy who loves you, a sister who loves you, and a whole host of friends and relatives that do too. You’re a sunshine to everyone, and Mommy loves you so much.”

With that, my eyes piqued, all I heard was “Mommy loves you so much,” my eyes were getting tired from the pacifying effect of the breast suckling, and I was due to conk out soon, ready to be placed in my comfy crib for the night. 

I looked up at Mommy, and softly spoke, “I wuv you too Mommy,” smiled, and completely and utterly collapsed into sleep. My Mommy was the best Mommy, she had the very best intentions in helping me, and I knew I’d be a better little girl with her guidance.
 

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

XX. 

Sucking on my pacifier nervously, I looked in the direction of the voice, my eyes locking with the new interloper in the women’s bathroom. My eyes were not fooled; it was Alanna. The hulking Amazon of a girl that was my one-time friend on the islands was standing here in the women’s bathroom, talking to me as I sat here half naked. 

Mommy turned around, “Can I help you? I’m changing my daughter’s diaper here, we’re almost done.”

“That’s Chase right? Your daughter’s name?”

“No, her name is Jaclyn,” Mommy told her, as she finished taping up my now dry bottom, “but, yes, at one time it was Chase.”

“I knew it, we used to be good friends, but then Chase went to California, and…”

Alanna must have realized that Mommy was who I was talking to while I was out there. 

“You’re Beth right?”

“Guilty as charged,” Mommy laughed, “and you were Chase’s friend right? Alanna?” 

“Ummhmmm” Alanna nodded.

“Well, Chase is Jaclyn now, it’s a long story, but it was best for her to become who she wanted to become.”

Alanna chuckled, “Well, I thought she’d become something else, I didn’t expect diapers and bows, she is really cute though.”

Mommy pulled up my shorts, and helped me down into my stroller. “Well, I’m done changing her, you can come and join us for lunch if you’d like.”
“Sure, I’d love that, do you mind if I push her stroller?”

“Not at all.”

I was left somewhat puzzled by the whole encounter if we were being honest. Of all people to run into here, Alanna? That was just weird, and here I was, being pushed by her in a stroller, just after I’d had my diaper changed in front of her, in a public restroom. It was a lot to take in, I was glad I had my binky. 

We went out of the women’s restroom, this time Mommy, me, and now Alanna. I was being pushed in a stroller by two women that resembled Amazons, looking every part of the baby that I had indeed been turning into. We got out to the table, where Auntie Dana, Samantha, Natalie and Amelia were waiting. 

“And who’s this?” Auntie Dana asked, “I don’t believe we’ve met.”

“I’m Alanna, I was friends with Jaclyn here, I didn’t expect to run into her in the bathroom!” Alanna told Auntie Dana. 

“Small world!” Mommy piped in, “Alanna couldn’t get over how cute Jaclyn was having her didee changed in the bathroom!” 

“I’ve helped Jaclyn with her diapers before,” Alanna told the table, drawing a blush from my direction, “I’m glad to see that she’s getting the help she needs now!” 

“We all are, Alanna, we all are,” Auntie Dana told her. 

“Would you care to feed Jaclyn?” Mommy asked. 

“Oh of course, does she have food too?” Alanna wondered aloud. 

“She sure does, let me get it out,” Mommy told her, reaching into my diaper bag, pulling out a plastic container featuring some puree of something. 

“Woooow Jac-y, a diaper bag too? You’re all set up, aren’t you?” Alanna asked in an almost teasing manner. 

“She’s definitely got everything a babygirl needs!” Mommy told her.

“Well let’s just get this all into your tum-tum, then shall we?” Alanna looked at me. 

“Alanna, what would you like?” Mommy asked, “My treat, it’s not every day this little girl gets to see a friend,” she finished. 

“That salad you have looks pretty good, I guess one of those?” Alanna told her.

“Sure thing,” Mommy replied back. 

So there I sat, firmly in a place I could have never imagined I’d be when I first went off to college, and when I first met Alanna. I was sitting in the food court of a giant shopping mall in Northern California, fresh off of having my diaper changed in a public restroom by a woman who was now for all intents and purposes my “Mommy”, and was now being fed a meal of puree by my one-time fuck buddy Alanna. Life was strange. Most people in my shoes probably would have found this to be a humiliating burial of their old wild spirit, but to me, it was strangely comforting. It was a bit upsetting to see every vestige of my old life turn away into a baby-fied series of events, but on the other hand, the carefree nature I now found myself in had taken me so far out of what had used to worry me that it was strangely healing. I don’t really quite know how to put it into words. 

The women made small talk, Alanna fed me my food, playfully playing the “airplane” game, much to the detriment of the bib I had firmly around my neck. She told Mommy and Dana about what she’d been doing this summer, and how she’d known me, and it seemed like a pleasant conversation all around. Occasionally she’d turn to me, but instead of our old conversations while watching people, it was in some sort of silly baby talk, or something that would intrigue a baby. Basic, but at least she was being nice. She teased of course, but she meant well; we were always close friends after all. 

Finally it was time for her to go, “I’ve got to go find my cousin, she’s going to wonder where I wound up at, probably thinks I fell in a toilet or something,” she laughed, “I’ll just tell her that I got too caught up in a diaper change to really throw her off.”

“I still can’t believe I ran into this little cutie,” Alanna told us all. 

“Well, I think you made her day,” Mommy told her, “would you mind cleaning her up with these wipes?” 

“Oh of course not, not at all,” Alanna told Mommy, and soon she went to work, cleaning me all over my face. 

“Well cutie, my job is done, I need to go,” she looked at me,  “but I want to come see you again, if that’s ok?” Alanna said, turning and looking at Mommy. 

“Of course, Jaclyn always can use another sitter if you’re around, but you’re headed back to school soon aren’t you?”

“I took the semester off, I’m helping my cousin with some things around here, so I’d be more than happy to come sit some time, I’m sure Jac-y wouldn’t mind either,” Alanna told Mommy. 

Things must not have been well in paradise for her, I thought. A big driving factor in me coming here in the first place was that she had been with someone else, leaving me out in the cold. Apparently, it was no longer a thing, and here she was, nearby. Weird, I thought, but again, it wasn’t something that was necessarily my concern.

“Yes of course then, why don’t you give me your phone number, and I’ll call you if we need you, we can always have you come to Jac-y’s birthday and you can come over and visit anytime,” Mommy told her. 

“That would be great!” Alanna told Mommy, getting up to leave. 

She came over and picked me up out of the stroller, putting me in her gigantic arms and holding me close.

“I’m so happy for you little one, I think you finally found your place in the world, you can finally relax and enjoy the ride, you’re finally where you need to be, and most importantly, who you need to be,” she whispered. 

I hugged my arms around her, “I wuv you Awanna,” I lisped behind my pacifier.

“Awww, I love you too little one,” she told me, kissing me on the forehead, and then putting me back into the stroller. Everyone, and I mean everyone in the food court at that point was looking at us. I hated being the center of the attention for anything, and here I was, being exactly what I didn’t want to be. 

“Bye for now, it was so nice meeting you all!” she waved and headed out. 

Everyone looked around, then to me, almost gauging my reaction. I just sat there suckling on my pacifier after my meal, piddling pee into my diaper. I was in shock, but I didn’t know quite what to do, or say. If they were looking at me to respond, I was more or less just sitting there, not knowing what to do. I was a 9 month old baby, after all, what could I put into words. I wanted to cry, I saw someone that I cared for, and now seemingly had lost, who now looked at me for what I am, not what I once was. Maybe it was sad, maybe it was good, I was just…unsure.

I didn’t know what to do, so I just did what any typical nine-month-old in my position would do, I cried. Probably was being overtired, but there was an emotionally charged aspect of it all, that I realized my old life was never coming back, I was never going to be seen by someone I’d been so close to in any of the same way again. Maybe it was all finally settling in, the downside to all of this, I didn’t know. I had an absolute ton of emotional feelings running through me right now, manifesting themselves as a set of tears. 

Mommy got up to come comfort me, but Samantha, of all people, cut off the way through, sat next to me, holding my hand in my stroller, “Little sister, it’s ok, shhhh, shhh, Samantha’s here for you, your big sister is here for you, I know that must have been hard seeing your friend leave like that, but you see Natalie and Amelia leave right?”

I just kind of nodded. 

“I don’t expect you to understand all the way, but just like they go away to Auntie Dana’s and come back, Alanna will come back too someday, I promise. Big sister promise,” she told me, holding my hand, rubbing it. 

It was strangely reassuring. I kind of, sort of calmed down, and soon, Mommy had me snuggled up on her lap. 

“I think this little one is a little tired,” Mommy announced, “I think we need to go show her the surprise that we’d planned,” she looked at Samantha.

Samantha’s eyes got wide. “Claire’s”? 

“You bet honey, let’s go get that done,” Mommy told her, “Dana, do you mind if we make a pit stop at Claire’s?”

“Of course not, the girls love that store,” Auntie Dana told her, “what’s the special occasion?”

Mommy motioned for her to come over, and whispered in her ear something. I could kind of make some words out, but nothing concrete; besides, it was all out of my hands anyway. 

Auntie Dana smiled, and then looked at me, “Oh you shouldn’t be too upset Princess, your Mommy and sister sure have a big surprise cooked up for you! Yes they do!” she teased. 

“Well, let’s go throw these trays away, and let’s head over, shall we?” Mommy asked, “Samantha, can you buckle your sister in?”

“Sure thing Mom,” Samantha replied, “Oh little sister, you’re going to be so pretty here in a little bit, I’m super excited,” she smiled, buckling me into my stroller. I wondered what it could be, but soon we were off.  

I sat in the stroller, being pushed into what looked like a store called “Claire’s”. On the walls, all over the store were pretty things, and about anything that a little girl like me could ask for. There were stuffies, earrings, necklaces, and all sorts of other things, and it smelled so nicely. I’d never been into a store like this before, it was so amazing. 

Mommy pushed my stroller up to the counter and stopped. I couldn’t see above it, I was only looking directly at the counter, which was my eye height at this point. Samantha, Natalie, and Amelia were off looking at different things, and I heard Mommy talking to the girl working at the counter.

“I’m here to get my daughter’s ears pierced,” I heard Mommy say.

“Just fill out the papers here, and we’ll get it all taken care of,” the sales girl told her. 

“Thanks,” Mommy told her, pushing my stroller over by the corner, presumably to fill out the paperwork. 

After a bit of time, she called Samantha over. 

“Sam, can you watch your sister? I need to go turn in this paperwork in”

“Sure thing Mom”

Samantha looked at me, “Aren’t you excited little sister? You’re going to get your ears done! We’ll be able to pick out some pretty earrings for you, I’m sure they’ll just be SOO cute!” 

Ears pierced? Is that what this was? That was supposed to hurt, right? I mean, something was piercing my ears, right? This wasn’t going to be good, I just knew it. My anxieties began creeping up, and the puree from lunch in my stomach was slowly becoming a victim of it; my anxieties about getting my ears hurt only added to it. Not much I could do, but still, this wasn’t good. 

Pretty soon, the wait was over. 

“Jaclyn?” I heard my name called. I looked up to see a smiling woman with dark hair, she must have been in her 30s. She looked at me and smiled faintly, it was reassuring a little bit, at least, I guess. I didn’t know. 

Mommy raised her hand, and pushed the stroller over, putting the brake on, and soon I felt my belt being unbuckled. 

“She’s right here, and she’s a little shy, so I’m sorry about that.” 

“That’s no different than most of the little girls that come in here,” the lady told her, patting the chair, “why don’t you come sit up here next to Miss Stephanie, little one?” 

I looked at Mommy who reassuringly indicated to follow Miss Stephanie’s lead. I resigned myself that this was going to happen, so I waddled over to the chair and sat up. My diaper stuck out from my shorts, showing it to anyone and everyone who bothered to look. I felt out of place here, I guess I looked like a girl, at least people were treating me like one, and I dunno. This place was full of seemingly judgmental suburban moms, who I think I saw a few give me a condescending glare. My nervousness was climbing, and so was the pressure in my tummy. 

As if she could sense my nerves, Stephanie tried her best, “Oh just so cute,” she told Mommy, “how old is she?”

“Just about one, she takes after her father’s side,” Mommy laughed.

“Well, I just think her hair, her outfit, everything, just looks amazing, you are a great Mommy for her, and getting her ears pierced? That’s something every little girl loves!”  Stephanie told her real matter of factly. 

“Thank you, but she’s also got her big sister to thank for bringing her here today; this is all Samantha’s idea,” Mommy told Stephanie. 

Samantha smiled, came over next to me, and held my hand, whispering, “don’t worry little sister, I’m here for you,” she smiled. 

I looked up at her, and for the first time, she seemed sincere. I could see love, happiness, and everything in those eyes. Seemingly, a switch flipped, I don’t know what, but it felt good. Maybe she was being insincere, I didn’t know, but for the first time since we’d first met, it seemed like we might have actually had a chance at building a relationship. 

I saw Stephanie getting everything out, and despite the reassurances from Samantha and Mommy being there, my nerves were still getting the best of me. This wasn’t going to end well, at least for my bottom half.

Stephanie pulled a needle out, and started rubbing alcohol on my left ear. I saw her go up with her arm, needle in her hand, and I immediately froze. It was like time stopping, or going very slow. As I felt the needle piercing through my right ear, shooting in pain,  my nerves finally got the better of me, my bowels lost the war, and ripped open, pushing a warm mess of poop right into the bottom of my diaper. Between the pain from the needle, and the shock from the poopy diaper, my eyes started to well up, and I started to cry. Simultaneously, I felt something more go in the ear lobe that had just been stabbed.

“Oh it’s ok little sister,” Samantha told me, “just look at the cute earring that’s in there now, though,” she showed me a mirror. 

It was a little unicorn. I had to admit, it was pretty cute. It got me stopped crying for a brief second, because soon, another jarring pierce went through my left, and once again, though I didn’t poop this time, I felt another thing go that felt like the previous one. I cried again. 

“All done,” Stephanie said, “you did great too, such a big girl,” she smiled. 

Samantha smiled at me, “TWO unicorns in your ears? You look positively stunning, baby sister, positively stunning!” 

I blushed, though the crying probably made my face more red. Oh well, I was a little girl, what was I supposed to do? Crying and pooping my pants were two things I did best these days. 

“Thank you so much, they look adorable,” Mommy told her, sniffing the air, “from the smell of things, it seems that you must have scared the poop out of her too,” she laughed.

“Well, it’s not the first little girl to potty her pants when she’s getting pierced, and I doubt she’ll be the last,” Stephanie smiled, “I’ve got kiddos of my own, so it doesn’t faze me.”

“I’m sure we’ll be back,” Mommy told her,  helping me down and back into the stroller, “I think this little girl is going to be spending a lot of time here in the future!” 

Stephanie came down and looked at me, “Good job little girl, come back and see us again soon!”

Mommy helped me back in the stroller, pushing it over to the counter, where it seemed she’d picked out a few more accessories for me.

“I just need to pay for my daughter’s things here, and her piercings, it turned out great!” I heard Mommy say. 

She paid, put the bag in my lap, and started out the door, looking over to Dana, “Jac-y here has a poopy diaper, I need to take her to get changed.”

It wasn’t said subtly, it was said rather loudly, like one does with a baby when they have to go do the unfortunate task of well…changing a poopy diaper. People looked, but I think my crying and the pooping itself drew more attention. 

“Let me check Amelia too, we might be joining you,” Dana told her. 

“Yep, she’s wet,” Dana told Mommy, before chiding Amelia, “you need to tell Mommy when you need to go potty, I’m not a mind-reader.”

“But Jacwyn did!”

“Jaclyn’s a baby, she can’t help when she goes, that’s why she’s in diapers and you’re in pull-ups,” Auntie Dana spoke with truth. 

“Samantha, do you mind hanging out with Natalie? We need to go change both these girls,” Mommy asked. 

“Of course not, we’ll meet you in Abercrombie,” Samantha told her. 

“Thanks Sammy,” I heard Auntie Dana say, before turning to us, “C’mon girls, let’s go get those tushies changed.”

So off we went, me in the stroller being pushed by Mommy, Amelia holding Auntie Dana’s hand on the way, Mommy and Auntie Dana making small talk as we walked; it looked like your typical daily occurrence in the mall. In many ways, I suppose this was fading into normalcy, and nothing related to this really shocked me anymore. I had the occasional rush from anxiety, but even those were becoming fewer and far between. 

Once again, there was no family restroom to be had, which meant that once again, I would find my poopy diaper being changed in front of any onlookers that may have found their way into the women’s restroom. Not that I really cared, of course, it’s not like there was anything crazy going on here, just two girls getting their respective diapers changed by their respective Mommy. 

“Since Ms. Jaclyn is celebrating her piercing with poopy pants, let’s go ahead and get you taken care of first, Amelia,” Auntie Dana told her.

“Otay Mommy,” Amelia replied, holding up her arms to have Auntie Dana pick her up. 

Auntie Dana pulled down Amelia’s pants, took her out of her wet pull-up, pulled out a new pull-up from her diaper bag, and then stopped. 

“Amelia honey, let’s go ahead and take you to the potty to try and go, as long as we’re here.” 

Amelia complied, and soon, the two disappeared into a stall, leaving Mommy and me. 

“Well Princess, it’s that time, let’s change your stinky panties,” Mommy told me, pulling a changing pad out of my diaper bag and laying it on the grooved counter. She unbuckled me from my stroller, and in something that had become all too familiar lately, she picked me up, and laid me down on the changing mat. 

“Ooo this is going to be stinky, stinky, stinky,” she teased, pulling my shorts down, revealing the destroyed diaper, and untaping it. 

“How can such a pretty little girl make such stinky messes?” Mommy teased, “How Princess? How Princess, you’re so cute, and have such a stinky bottom at the same time!” 

That made me giggle a little.

“Oh is Mommy funny? Is Mommy making a joke?” Mommy teased, “I love your laugh Princess Potty Pants.”

Mommy started working on my dirty diaper, and once again, I’d made a big mess for her to clean up. By this time, Amelia had come out with Auntie Dana. 

“Jacwyn ‘tinky Mommy,” Amelia observed.

“Yes she is, but it wasn’t too long ago that you were making those same messies for your Mommy to clean up,” Dana chided.

“Jaclyn, I looooove those earrings,” Auntie Dana told me, “you were such a brave little girl getting your ears pierced today, such a big little girl, even with stinky pants!”

Everyone was getting in on my poopies, it seemed. Such was the life of a messy little girl, I guess.

Mommy soon finished up, lifting my bottom and putting me into a new clean diaper. Nothing feels better than a clean diaper; those who aren’t in diapers full-time and don’t get to experience it are really missing out. 

“All done sweetie, let’s go back in the stroller, I’ve got you another bottle to drink,” Mommy told me, handing me the bottle. 

“Yay, Jacwyn’s cwean!” Amelia said to a duo of laughs from Mommy and Auntie Dana. 

“Let’s go find your sisters, and finish up this shopping trip,” Mommy told us. 

As we went around the mall to go find Samantha and Natalie, I casually suckled on the bottle that Mommy had given me. The day had been long, I had two public diaper changes, including one in front of Alanna of all people, my ears had been pierced, and quite frankly, there was a lot to take in. I hadn’t had a nap all day, and between the rhythmic suckling on the bottle, and the relaxing rolling of the wheels beneath me, my eyes began to get tired, and I fell asleep. It was ok, I hadn’t planned on shopping anyway. It seemed like a perfect end to the day, as warm pee once again dribbled into my diaper. 

That night, after all the shopping was over, Mommy had changed my diaper, dressed me into my pajamas, and I was left breastfeeding for my nightly meal. Pretty soon, I started to once again nod off, and soon I felt myself being lifted and carried up to my nursery to be put down for sleep. Mommy let down the crib door, and put me in, kissing me on the forehead, and then lifting up the door, locking me in for the night. 

“Goodnight Princess, I hope you had a great day, everyone was happy to have you join us on this annual shopping trip for school stuff; I’m sure that we’ll have more fun again next year, but who am I kidding, we’ll have more fun with Dana, Natalie and Amelia before that, lots of more times before then, you know that, right? They love you dearly, I love you dearly, and you know what? I think Samantha loves her baby sister dearly too!” 

She looked down over the crib bars once again, “Goodnight Princess, Mommy loves you so incredibly much,” she smiled. 

I just smiled back, and kind of laid on my side, the pillow-like diaper between my legs was kind of comforting, and I saw Mommy move towards the door, turning out the light, closing the door. Soon after, the door opened up, and it wasn’t Mommy; it was Samantha, who came over and looked down at me, our eyes locked.

“Hey baby sister, I just want you to know, I had a fun day with you today, it was fun watching you get your ears pierced and getting those pretty earrings you have in, and well, I think I kind of understand you now. This is all still a little new to me, but I’m going to make life around here fun for you, I’ll take you to the park, we can color, and whatever else I can think of. You’re one of a kind baby sis, and well, I think we’re going to be friends.”

I sucked on my pacifier somewhat happily. Maybe I’d reached some sort of understanding? Maybe she wasn’t the raging bitch that she’d come across as earlier? Who knew for sure. All I knew is that I was tired, and it was time for this little girl to go to bed. 

“Wuv yuuuu” was all I could say.

“I love you too baby sister, you have the most precious night ever, ok?” Samantha smiled, blew me a kiss and hopped out of the room. 

Maybe things were going to work out with her after all, maybe I really did have a big sister who cared. I didn’t know, like I said, I was tired, and just wanted to sleep. There was a lot to take in after this strange day at the mall. 
 

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

XIX
The drive to the mall was uneventful. I had a carseat now, albeit a little bigger than your typical toddler one, but it allowed me to be “buckled in” and “be safe” on the roads, because you can never be too sure when an accident might happen; just as the diaper protected from my body’s accidents, I guess so to the car seat protected in case of a car accident. Not that I minded it; it felt like I was riding in a chauffeured bean bag. 

Things had changed a bit, of course, especially for these sorts of outings. Whereas before I simply walked with Mommy, held hands, or just apart, back before my baby days, these days I had a stroller that I’d ride in, meant for big babies such as me who had a hard time walking on a long day across a giant stretch of area such as the Northgate Mall. As imposing as it was for many to walk, it was doubly imposing for a baby girl such as myself, at least according to Mommy, and she didn’t want to carry me that entire time, so the stroller had become a complete necessity. 

The effort that went into packing Mommy’s car resembled the D-Day planning it seemed like; Mommy had to get food ready, the diaper bag, and everything else. I was just content to sit in my car seat as she did so; most of the baby gear such as the stroller were already in the garage, ready to go on these things. 

To be honest, today was a bit nervousing, because though Mommy had taken me out to the park and the playground by our house, this resembled a bit of a departure. I had gone with Mommy to Northgate once before, but today was different since it seemed like it would be a “shop ‘til you drop” day for everyone involved; I was merely along for the ride. I wasn’t too upset though; I’d get to see Natalie and Amelia, and Auntie Dana too, and they had become three of my favorite people through my various babysitting voyages while Mommy had been at work. They were as much family as Mommy (and now Samantha) it seemed like, at least to me, and so at least I’d be in the presence of familiarity. 

The drive over was fairly benign. I stared out the window, looking at a situation that I really didn’t get to experience anymore. Freeway driving was always one of my favorite things to do, and now I was merely but an observer. Given my silence and apparent awe-inspired gaze out the window, Mommy and Samantha simply made small-talk the entire time when we drove. I think there was stuff about school, maybe extracurriculars, or other stuff, but at this point in my life, I was headed steadily downhill on the maturity scale, and really, I guess I just didn’t care. There were other, more important things, like watching “Kim Possible” and possibly fingerpainting. Adult stuff? Big kid stuff? I was on the route of non-chalance at this point, and heading towards that caring cliff relatively fast. Maybe I should have cared, I don’t know, but this was my life now for better or worse. My entire life was basically represented by the one line that I even took notice of. 

“…and maybe we can take Jac-y there too, she might be due to get her ears pierced and wear some pretty princess earrings?” 

“Hmm, I don’t know, she’s still just a baby”

“But Mom, it’s really a rite of passage! If Amelia is getting hers done, maybe we should have Jac-y then too?”

“I mean, I guess you weren’t much older than she was when your dad and I took you to have yours done. I’m sure there’ll be some tears, but they should subside, and she’s got her binky if it gets too overwhelming. Maybe?”

“Mom, I think it’ll be ok, I mean, if I’m going to have a baby sister, what better way for bonding than to have her get some pretty earrings and shopping advice from a big sister?”

“It’s a good point, I guess, but are you really going to help her? You haven’t seemed to be the happiest camper since you’ve been back.”

“Well, I mean, yeah, I can.”

“Oh, alright then. I don’t mind doing it, she’s going to have it done eventually, and it’d be good for her to be with her friend doing it, and she’ll have all of us too, I think that’s fine.”

“BUT…Samantha Lynn, you need to make an effort, and you need to be there to support her, and not anything else.”

Pain? Tears? Rites of what?  What on earth were Mommy and Samantha talking about? Again, I probably should have cared, but with everything these days being decided for me without any input, I figured I’d see when I got there; objecting to anything would seemingly get me in more trouble than if I actually just…did it. After all, Mommy had my best interests in mind at all times, and she knew what was best, I was just there to follow her lead, and really, the lead of any adult that happened to be watching over me at whatever period of time. 

Further adding to all of this was the ongoing activity taking place in my bowels. Between the mix of Aunt Becky’s food last night, Mommy’s breastmilk this morning, and the ongoing anxieties of whether or not I had a workable relationship with Samantha, and really, whether or not it was even salvageable, it created a pressure on my bowels. Like I’ve mentioned before, this was something I had a limited control over, and even then, it seemed to be fading in two competing directions: my “poopies” (as Mommy referred to them as) were happening more and more and becoming less and less solid, which I assume was due to the diet I had become more and more accustomed to. It seemed like the less solids I ate, the more liquid my poopies became, and as a result, they were happening with a relative frequency of at least once or twice a day. Today though? It felt like it might be an all-day affair, and with this trip to the mall, I’m sure it wasn’t going to be pleasant to whomever had the lovely task of changing them. I really wanted to hold it in, I didn’t want a really dirty diaper at the mall, but as with most things these days, it was something I was about resigning myself to. 

After what seemed like forever in the confines of my own head, and looking at the ongoing scatterplot of civilization around the area in which I now called home, Mommy’s SUV finally made its way into the parking lot, and soon, Mommy’s window went down, and she took something that went on her dashboard for the time being. She went and parked, and got out, opening up the back to grab what I assumed was my stroller. Samantha turned around and looked at me from the front seat, cracking what I guess was a smile.

“Little sister, I hope you enjoy my surprise today,” she said happily, “all little girls get it, and I’ll be right there holding your little hand.” 

As I’ve said before, I was still nervous around my big sister, so I didn’t know whether or not this was something out of sarcasm, or if it was really true. I had a pacifier in, so I could assuage some of my nervousness with that, but still, I just didn’t know. 

“Otay” was about all I could say. I guess I peed a little too, but what else was new?

Soon the door opened, and Mommy took me out of my car seat; I saw my stroller set up next to her.

“Okay Princess, in the stroller for Mommy,” she told me, helping me down from the car and into the stroller. I had to admit, it felt pretty nice. At least I didn’t have to walk, right?

Being pushed around the mall at this vantage point was one of a differing sort that I’d never experienced, at least in terms of my awareness of it. The stroller had a shade on top of it, which was drawn at this point; my diaper bag was held in a compartment underneath where I was sitting. I just kind of sat there, taking everything in. My diaper was covered by the spandex shorts I was wearing, but it was pretty obvious what was underneath the fabric to any onlooker that had spent time around any babies before. 

We got close to the door and soon we were through the entrance, where Dana, Amelia, and Natalie were waiting for us. Auntie Dana waved, and Mommy pushed the stroller closer to where everyone was at, parking me right by Auntie Dana. 

“Hi Princess,” Auntie Dana gave me a smile, “I’m so glad you got to come out for this girls day of shopping, Natalie and Amelia haven’t been able to be quiet about it, they’ve been so excited!” 

I blushed. Being called “princess” was something I was still taking some getting used to, and being part of a “girls trip”, well, that was I guess, a dream come true. 

Immediately upon seeing us, the two girls “eek’d” in glee, running over not to me, but to Samantha, whom they hadn’t seen all summer. 

“SAMANTHA!!!” they screamed in unison, running up and glomming all on to her. 

“We missed you soooo much, but we do like your new sister,” Natalie told her, really matter of factly.

“She’s…nice, right?” Samantha said, rather incredulously.

“She’s my best fwend!” Amelia added to the conversation, prompting a laugh from everyone, before coming over to me. 

“Hiiii Jacwyn, did your Mommy make your haiwr pwetty today? I weally wyke it,” she told me. 
I nodded. 

“Guess what too Jacwyn? I’m in pull-ups now, and I’m potty twaining! I’m a biggeh giwl than you!” 

The adults laughed again. I think it was meant to be friendly, but it came across as kind of condescending. She was right though, diapered in a stroller dribbling pee into my diapers seemed to be my fate for the foreseeable future. 

“Wuv you Amewia” I spoke to her in baby talk.

“I wuf you too Jacwyn,” she told me sweetly, giving me a hug, this time prompting a chorus of “awws” from the adults. 

Breaking up this monotony of baby babblings, Auntie Dana spoke up, “well girls, we need to go school shopping, so why don’t we get started?”

“That sounds great,” Mommy told her. I soon felt myself being pushed. I supposed I could have fallen asleep, as these sorts of things always made me tired, but I was worried that I might miss out on something, and there apparently was some surprise coming, so I figured it was in my best interest to stay awake. Besides, I had something to drink, too. Mommy apparently didn’t feel it wise to breast feed here, so she had pumped her milk into bottles, which I sucked on happily and hungrily as we moved through the mall.

In what seemed like one arduous quest across the mall floor, we went from store to store. I, of course, wasn’t going to school, and Mommy ordered all of my clothes specially, anyway. I was just here to watch, hang out, be cute, or whatever was needed. What was needed at this point, though, was a diaper change, something that became announced when it was time to break for lunch. 

It was your typical food court, something I’d have been interested in a different phase of my life, but that I wasn’t really now. It smelled good, but lucky me, I was getting pureed “natural” foods, rather than anything from the fast food, though, if judging from my tummy’s reaction to Aunt Becky’s food last night was any indicator, maybe I was better off eating what Mommy had now decided was appropriate for my infantile tastes. 
Mommy parked my stroller at a table where the six of us (well, 5 with me in my stroller) could comfortably sit at, before sitting next to me. 

“Let’s check that diaper sweetie, we’ve been running around all day, and I’m sure that diaper is pretty used,” she told me in a comforting voice.

I felt her finger coming up through my shorts and into the diaper, confirming what she had been assuming, I suppose. 

“Yeah baby girl, you’re all wet, we’re going to need to get you a change before I get you lunch.”

She grabbed a diaper and wipes out, putting them on my lap.

“Dana, can you just grab me a salad? I need to change Jaclyn’s diaper real quick, and I don’t want to let this little wet diaper hold us up, we’ve still got a lot to do.”

“Oh of course, no problem, I know how it is with little girls and diaper changes, always the most opportune times right?” Auntie Dana told Mommy somewhat jokingly.

“You know it,” Mommy laughed, “c’mon Princess, let’s go get you changed,” she told me sweetly, pushing my stroller towards the restroom in the mall. 

I was pretty oblivious to the fact that there were a lot of stares coming in my direction, but I didn’t really care because I had a paci in, and I knew Mommy would handle anything that might come my way. To be honest, I just wanted to be in a dry diaper, as fleeting of a feeling as that might have been these days, there still was something enjoyable about going from wet to dry, and Mommy made it happen. 

There was no family restroom here, but I needed my diaper changed, and we couldn’t go back to the car, so, 

“Looks like a good spot right here,” Mommy interrupted my thoughts as she parked my stroller in front of a counter that looked like it was specifically set up for a diaper changing endeavor by whatever Mommy needed to use it. This one just happened to be mine, and well, my diaper. 

“Let’s get up here little girl,” Mommy told me, unbuckling my stroller, and helping me climb my poofy bottom onto the counter. It was grooved as to fit any baby, and due to its length, a part of me wondered if I was the only big baby having her diaper changed on the structure. 

I’ll spare you the details of this diaper change, it was your typical wet diaper change, only I found myself laying and staring at the ceiling of a mall bathroom while Mommy went through the motions. Really, it was only notable for what happened afterwards. 

As I lay there staring into space while being cleaned, Mommy making babytalk to me while she cleaned my bottom, a comment sliced through my subconsciousness, bringing me right back to reality. 

“OH MY GOD!” 

I’d heard that voice before. But not in a long time. I looked around. That person, she looked so familiar, was it….

…Alanna?
 

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

XVIII.

“So Mom, a new baby, huh?” 

Samantha was the spitting image of her mother, and had all the wit and attitude that had allowed her mom to be so successful in life to this point. Still in high school, she was wise beyond her years, and a little smitten at having a new baby sister, even as unconventional as her mom told her it was.

Beth nodded. 

“It’s a little…like I said…unconventional, but I think you’ll enjoy her,” continuing, “I don’t want to put you in too much too soon, because it’s a big adjustment, and it’s really been one for all of us so far.”

“Mom, you know I like taking care of babies, lord knows I did it enough for Dana the past few years, they’re fun!” Samantha smiled.

“Well, that’s true, but, well, it’s not what you’re going to expect, like I was telling your father.”

“What did dad say about it?”

“You know, your dad and I still get along, but he had his concerns about things, especially when I told him the whole story around it,” Beth spoke somewhat softly. 

“What’s the whole story?”

“Well, she’s not your typical 9 month old.”

“Like what do you mean?”

“Well, Jac-y’s 18 going on 9 months.”

“What?”

“Exactly what I told you sweetie, that’s why your Dad and I had to talk so much the last few weeks, it probably seemed a bit odd.”

“Well, yeah, but I just figured it was about college or something”

“To be fair, it WAS about a college-aged student, just not who you’d have thought of,” Beth laughed.

“An 18 year old, as a baby? Ew. You can’t be serious,” Samantha looked dumbfoundedly. 

Beth nodded. “I know it’s going to be an adjustment. It’s been just us here for a long time, but now, things have changed a bit.”

“But why, Mom?”

“I don’t know, when I met her, I felt sorry for her, and she was genuinely pleasant to talk to, I didn’t intend the whole baby part, but I thought she was someone in need of some sort of good influence in her life.”

“You’ve always been about helping people, you have such a big heart,” Samantha smiled.

“It’s just me being a mom, I guess. You’re getting a huge responsibility, too.  It’s a big job being a big sister, and Jac-y’s going to be relying on both of us for everything for the foreseeable future.”

“Everything?”

“Yes, with her being functionally 9 months old, that means she needs help eating, being bathed, and well, having her diapers changed.”

“Mom, again, it’s not like changing diapers is anything big for me, I’ve done it a ton for quite a few babies I’ve babysat.”

“Well, a bigger baby makes bigger messies, we’ll see about that,” they both laughed at the comment. 

“I don’t want you to be changing her for awhile anyway, we’re still bonding. You can give her a bottle, feed her, play with her, take her to the park, just have fun being a big sister.”

“I really don’t mind, mom, she’s just a baby.”

“Well, we’ll revisit that when you’re wrist deep in one of her poopy diapers,” Beth chided. 

“There’s other things too, just don’t be jarred when you see them,” Beth told her. 

“Like what?”

“Well, don’t be surprised if you come home from school and I’m sitting on the couch breastfeeding her, or if I need to change her diaper in the living room,”

Samantha’s eyes got wide. “Breast. Feeding? You’re kidding right?”

“No, Jac-y’s therapist recommended it, I’ve started on supplements to produce milk. It’s not a big deal, I used to do the same for you when you were a baby,”

“Yeah mom, but I wasn’t 18,” Samantha snorted.

“Look, it’s different. It’s an adjustment, but she’s not really 18, she really has taken to the baby thing, you’ll see tomorrow.”

“So look, t’s been a long day for you kiddo, you’ve obviously had a ton of stuff thrown your way, so why don’t you go take a shower and go get some sleep?”

“Ok Mom, goodnight, I love you,” Samantha kissed Beth on the cheek and wandered upstairs, somewhat giddy she had a new sister, while still finding it all a little much to take in at once. 

While this was unfolding, I could hear voices downstairs. I wondered who it could be, and then I heard steps. Steps that walked past my room and didn’t stop. I could hear other noises downstairs, so I assumed it was Mommy and someone else. Was it Mommy’s sister that she’d talk on the phone to hours for? Maybe it was Samantha? 

I didn’t know. I was still buzzing from my night with “Aunt Becky”. What could have been I guess. I should have made a move. Now she was babysitting me, and changing my dirty diapers. Worse things in life, I guess, but it still gave me a little anxiety. With anxiety lately came poop, especially with my weakened stomach’s state. I guess I didn’t really care. I wasn’t going to hold it, and it’s not like anyone was taking me to the potty anytime soon. I stayed up a little bit, thinking of Becky’s boobies, before finally succumbing to the pressure in my bowels. I pushed a bit, but not much, but that’s all it took. Soon, that poop filled back into my diaper. With that came a stinky mess. I could have cried, I could have done something and it’s 10000% likely Mommy would have changed me. I didn’t want to bother her though, so I just did what any good baby girl would do, and fell asleep, messy butt and all. I’d be ok to wait until morning with it. 

Big mistake. 

Out of having a dream of sitting on the beach, I was rudely awakened by what can best be described as a thousand heated needles stinging the bottom of my butt all at once, never letting up. I tried to ignore it the best that I could, but try as I could, it finally got the better of me. I didn’t know what to do. The sun had just come up, so I figured it was really early. Mommy always came in sooner or later. The bars of the crib were holding me in place; there wasn’t anywhere I was going to go. Mommy had put a baby monitor in here, so there was that. 

What was it that Denise had constantly reminded me, and had been reinforced like crazy since our time in the therapists office that faithful day? I was a baby. I wasn’t an adult. What did babies do when they have a dirty diaper and a seemingly impossible to avoid case of nasty diaper rash? They cry. I was no different. I started screaming. 

I’d started crying more since I was moved into my journey to regression, but I’d never actually screamed much. Today though? Things were different. I needed out of this poopy, stinging mess, like yesterday fast. The quickest way in my quickly—becoming infantile mind to achieve that goal was to start screaming. The screaming, well, it was…screaming. It felt cathartic, it felt somewhat relieving, it felt….nice?

Soon I heard feet walking, the door opening, revealing Mommy, who had her usual smile on her face, and looked as stunning as ever. Even in what amounted to basically pajamas, which was a long sleeve shirt and leggings, Mommy looked like she could have modeled. For my part, I suckled happily on my pacifier, grinning behind its covering. I was always happy to see Mommy, more so when I meant I was getting out of a dirty diaper. 

“You stink Princess,” She said in a rather matter-of-fact tone, “it doesn’t sound like you’re too happy about it either.”

She walked to the crib and lowered the bars.

“Oh, and I forgot, good morning Princess,” she smiled, “did you have fun with Aunt Becky last night?”

I nodded. 

“Well she gave you a glowing report, said you were just the best behaved little girl, and even offered to sit for you again, would you like that?”

I nodded again. 

“I think you’d also like to get out of your stinky panties and get your bottom clean too, wouldn’t you?”

I blushed and nodded. 

“Oh baby girl, it’s ok. You know Mommy always cleans you so good, make your little tush tush clean and sparkly!” she sang to me in a sing song voice. 

“Arms up!”

I wondered where she was going with this and complied. First, she popped a pacifier in my mouth, and then reached under my arms and picked me up. I instinctively wrapped my legs around her waist, my head nestled in her neck. 

“Didn’t think Mommy could do that, did you?” She must have noticed my disbelief. “Phewwies, little girl, I got a nose full of your stink stink too, phewwwww!” she teased. 

She carried me in front of the crib and layed me on it. I layed there while she got out some clothes for the day; it looked like a watermelon dress with a pair of spandex shorts underneath. 

As Mommy was going through those clothes she kept talking to me; the baby always required attention.

“And guess what honey? Your big sister got home last night! Can you believe that? Your big sister is finally home!”

I instantly had a pang of anxiety. I hoped she would like me, and wouldn’t think there was anything offputting about me. I was just a baby to everyone; hopefully she saw the same. 

Mommy opened up my soiled diaper, revealing yet another poopy mess in something that was happening with regularity. Oh wow honey, you did a number here. Good thing you’ve got your didees on! Who knows where we’d be without them! 

Mommy grabbed a handful of wipes and started to go to work. 

“Mooom? Are you up there?” a voice yelled. 

“I’m in the nursery!” Mommy yelled back. Footsteps soon followed. A teenager, who I assumed was Samantha, was in the doorway. Mommy, still wiping my bottom, looked up from my area and smiled. 

“Just changing your sister and getting her dressed for the day; she thought it’d be funny to give Mommy a stinky surprise this morning! Didn’t you?”

This was the first time I met Samantha, and yes, it was as awkward as it sounded. My legs were held up by Mommy as she cleaned my bottom, just as my big sister walked it. It may have been the first, but definitely wouldn’t be the last time she bore witness to Mommy changing my poopy diapers; she’d handle countless ones herself in the years to come too.

I was amazed at how much she looked like Mommy. They could be carbon copies, maybe they were? I had no idea. I just kind of stared, waiting for the awkwardness to break. 

She looked at me haphazardly, almost feigning enthusiasm, “Hi Girly, I’m your big sister! I’m Samantha, can you say Samantha?”

I started to lisp something, but she interrupted me, “oh it’s ok, you’re still little, we’ll work on it”

“You really did leave Mommy a stinky one, I’m glad it’s not my turn,” she playfully held her nose and laughed. Coincidentally, Mommy had just finished wiping my bottom and put the last wipe in the diaper, rolling it up and taping it. 

“Wouldn’t want you to miss out, can you throw this away?”

“Um sure mom, man this stinks,” she said, twisting her nose a bit as she deposited it in the nearby diaper pail. 

“I don’t remember your poopy diapers smelling exactly like roses when you were Jac-y’s age,” Mommy teased. Samantha was kind of quiet, muttering something. 

Mommy turned her attention back to me, unfurling a new diaper, grabbing me by the ankles, pushing/lifting me up, putting a new diaper under me, and taping it up. She slid the spandex shorts up to cover my diaper, and had me sit up while she slipped the dress over my head. 

“Let’s do your hair too,” she told me, “cmon off the table, and I’ll do it in the chair.”

I sat up on the changing table and toddled over to the chair I’d been with Becky on the night before. Samantha had deposited the diaper in my diaper genie, and was standing by the chair, where Mommy soon headed over to. 

Mommy sat on the chair, patting the floor in front, “Come sit sweetie,” I delightfully complied, planting my padded bottom on the floor in between Mommy’s leggings-draped legs. Samantha knelt down next to where I was sitting. I looked up at Mommy and flashed a grin; I was still a bit bashful in front of her. Sure, she had just witnessed me in all of my glory getting my stinky bottom wiped by her mom, but really, that was a bit embarrassing, no matter how many times I’d been changed by Mommy, anyone else, or in front of someone else, which unfortunately for my modesty, had been happening with more and more frequency lately. 

“Good girl,” Mommy smiled, and I felt my hair being pulled up. It hadn’t grown long enough to where it could be appropriately “styled”, however, it was long enough that Mommy could do a few things with it. One of her favorite things to do was to put a tiny little bow at the top with most of it pulled back. It worked, I thought it was cute at least. 

I looked over and Samantha was looking at me funny. Even though she didn’t have a poopy diaper in her hand, she still seemed a bit standoffish, though I probably would have been the same, given the circumstances; here was an 18 year old being treated as an otherwise giant toddler in her home by her mother. It definitely wasn’t what she was expecting when she left for the summer, I’d imagine. Even without the baby treatment, I’d imagine it still would have been awkward had our paths crossed in my original capacity as an intern. 

“So you’re Jaclyn huh?” she asked me, a bit skeptically. 

“Umm-hmmm” was all I could reply from behind my pacifier. 

“Well, Mom had mentioned there would be a baby here, but I didn’t…well…,” she started, “expect this!” in a somewhat startled tone that didn’t exactly exude a warm tone. “I always wanted a baby sister, but this may just be…a bit too much.” . She got off and shot out of the room like a cannon.

I wondered how odd it was that my appearance was what it was. I wasn’t truly a baby per se, but by all accounts, everyone treated me like I was. I wondered just how much Mommy had said to Samantha; it was a reaction that I expected, but then again, It was something that I’d imagined from everyone else, yet most of those had been the opposite. 

I was a little overwhelmed, so I just looked agape. What was I going to say? Use big-kid words to rationalize it? That was out the window at this point and I wasn’t going to be of much help in that regard. I just had gotten a bit nervous, my anxiety was created by the somewhat awkward appearance and departure of my new “big sister”. 

Mommy must have sensed my sudden trepidation, and she started patting my head. “It’s ok Princess, it’s not your fault,” and if to suddenly change the topic, she switched gears, somewhat rhetorically suggesting, “come sit with Mommy for a minute, and I’ll get you some food real quick, ok?” 

I nodded, even if I’d known the drill a zillion times before. Mommy sat down and unclipped her bra, I crawled up and on to her lap. Soon, an enlarged, milk-filled boob emerged, and it met with my lips, which I clasped onto hungrily. The taste…it never got old, and though it’d been a bit of time that I’d been doing it, I’m not going to lie, it never got old. I found myself lost in dreams of unicorns, rainbows, and all that was nice. It was almost intoxicating, well, maybe it actually was. Mommy moved me over onto her other boob, and I went at that one too, before I finally felt her helping me off and clipping her bra back again. 

“Was that a great little breakfast Princess? Wasn’t that great? Well now let’s go get you some other food in your tummy too,” she told me and carried me again downstairs; I felt so close to Mommy as I was cradled in her arms; there was a lot to say about how much I’d undervalued the security of love and care throughout my life. We finally made it down where we found a somewhat sullen Samantha waiting at the table, reading some teeny-bopper magazine. She saw us and looked up at Mommy. 

“So Mom, what do you want to do today?” Samantha asked Mommy rather shortly. 

“Well, first we have to get us all some breakfast, and then I was thinking we might go meet Dana and the girls and do a little school shopping for you and them,” Mommy told her.

“That’d be great!” Samantha told her, almost changing gears to a more happy stance, “I’ve missed them all summer!“

“Well they’ve missed you a lot too, they allllways ask about you when I pick your sister up. Dana has been amazing helping out with watching your sister while I’ve been at work, Jac-y’s really become one of the gang over there,” Mommy chuckled.

“Well I missed them a lot too, so it’ll be good to see them, it should be fun.”

“Breakfast?”

“Sure, that’d be great.”

“I’ll put it on for us then, would you mind playing with your sister? It’d be really good for the two of you, I think.”

“Ugh, fine,” Samantha told her, I think I could see her roll her eyes. 

“C’mon little one, let’s go play some toys? Wanna play toys?” she said, trying I guess really hard to at least pretend she was playing along.

“Ummhmm”, was all I could reply, moving my diapered behind behind her. To be honest, I probably felt as apprehensive of Samantha as she did of me. I wasn’t scared of her by any means, but there was a general sense of uncomfortableness. 

She went in and tapped the carpet next to her. “Over here,” she sweetly said. I guess this was kind of like babysitting to her in a way? I couldn’t tell, she seemed to have a very Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde persona here. 

She got a set of wooden blocks out, one had a ramp that you could put a ball on and it would roll down. To be honest, even if I wasn’t in my baby-fied state, I probably would still find it interesting. I’d always had a fascination with things like that; it wasn’t something that had gotten old for me. That and things with fountains and running water, they always were captivating for me. Probably strange, but that’s how I was put together I guess. Speaking of running water, I managed to pee in my diaper a bit while this all was going on. 

Samantha, for her part, was doing her best to play along. “Now where should we put that ball?”  she’d ask, acting a bit silly each time. I did my best to follow along, and really at this juncture in my life, it was about all that I had, other than the cartoons I’d watch. It was entertainment, I was with my “big sister”, and really, who couldn’t be content with it?

As if sensing my own guard being let down, it seemed like Samantha had cooled off a bit, as well. 

“You know, Mom might be right, you do seem like a real baby. You’re just happy doing these little things like playing with these balls and blocks, and you laugh at all my dumb things I say. Maybe there is something to it…” 

My optimism for a change in horizons was soon extinguished, however…

“I’m sure you can understand me, but I’m really just not sure of you or what your intentions really are? Who willingly goes and does *this* to themselves?” she said, pointing at me, “wearing diapers and using them? Acting like a baby? It’s just, I dunno…strange.”

I started to tear up a bit; things weren’t going well. I’d always wanted a sister that I could play with or do things with, but I really hoped that this wasn’t the forever route this was going to take. 

“I guess you’re here though, and you’re Mom’s charity case, so I’ll make do, school’s starting soon anyway, and well, at least I can be out of the house…”

For Mommy being the sweetest person I’d ever met, Samantha was the exact opposite. It was troubling, especially because Mommy had insinuated this could be my babysitter at times; I didn’t want to be left alone with her! I wanted to be as far as way possible at this point. I just sucked my pacifier harder. 

“Well, I just wanted to get that out of the way…I’ll play with you, but I’m just unsure of you, and I hope this isn’t some giant game of ‘gotcha’” she told me. 

A voice behind her made her turn a bit sheepish.

“Honey, it’s ok to be a bit jumbled by everything, but please just give Jac-y a chance, that’s all I ask, she’s a really good girl, and she’s had trauma and everything else, this isn’t an act, I can assure you, she really needs this.”

Mommy, once again, had come to my rescue.

“Ugh, ok Mom, whatever you say.”

“Breakfast is ready, why don’t you go ahead, I’ll take the baby in,” Mommy told her. Samantha got up and left in about as much of a hurry as she had left my nursery earlier. 

“C’mon Princess,” Mommy said in a sing-song tone, “lets go get you some nummy nums before our big shopping trip!” 

I crawled over, and Mommy picked me up, putting me on her hip and taking me into the dining room, where Samantha was sitting, already eating.

The food smelled amazing; it looked like Mommy had cooked bacon, hashbrowns, and toast with cut up melon. For a brief moment, I thought that it, too was going to be mine, but my sudden excitement suddenly gave way to reality. Next to where Samantha sitting was another plate, I’d assume for Mommy, and next to that was, well, my high chair, with a jar of something sitting next to it. I shouldn’t have thought any differently; this had been my life for quite a bit of time now, maybe I thought it’d be different with Samantha and show her I wasn’t much of a baby? No, no, reality had settled in. I was the baby of this family, for better or worse. 

Mommy set me down, and opened the confines of the high chair, patting my butt with encouragement, and indulging me to sit down. I climbed up, sat on the padded chair, and soon heard a familiar *click*. The click must have gotten Samantha’s attention a bit, because she looked over at me, giving me a bit of a sideways look. 

“Wow Mom, a high chair too?”

“Of course, it makes it easier for me to help her eat, and I know that she’s not going to be falling out,” Mommy told her, tying a bib around my neck. 

“MOMMY’S STINKY PRINCESS” was drawn across the bib in somewhat pastel, child-like letters. Samantha read it out loud and chuckled a bit. “Bib got the baby right,” she laughed, “she sure was stinky this morning, and if that’s any indicator…” she laughed.

“I don’t remember you being any rosier when you were her age in diapers,” Mommy retorted. 

“Yeah, but I was 18 months, not 18 years old,” Samantha told her, shooting me a glare. My emotions were getting the better of me, my eyes filled with droplets of tears. How could she be so rude?

“Samantha, please? Can you just keep an open mind about everything? It’s a lot to take in, and honestly, I thought you’d take it a little better,” Mommy chided her.

“Ugh, whatever,” Samantha looked down, trying to apparently be anywhere else at the moment. 

Breakfast went on fairly uneventful besides that. Mommy gave me the baby food, my face got messy, and then she let me eat some of the cut up melon she’d given herself and Samantha.

“Healthy food Princess, good for a growing girl like you!” Mommy teased as she put the melon on the plate. I hadn’t had anything like this for quite some time, so I hungrily dug in with my fingers, which then managed to get covered with all of the sticky, sugary liquid that usually came from such things. I didn’t care though; come to think of it, I had really stopped caring and stressing about anything lately, so maybe this whole thing was working.

Once I had finished, I had a bit of a smile on my face. The food was good, and I was fairly happy, even if Samantha was acting like a royal meanie to me. 

“Samantha? Can you clean your sister up? I’m going to take this stuff and wash it before we go; can you clean up the tray too?”

“Yeah, sure Mom,” she told Mommy. 

“Great, there’s wipes right over on the bookshelf there, just use those.”

Samantha got up, grabbed the wipes, and came back. “Okay baby, let’s get you all clean, at least it’s not a dirty diaper, right?”

I kind of nodded.

“Good then, lemme just take care of this real quick.”

I complied. It’s not like it was terrible; I jumped a bit when the wipe first got my face, making Samantha laugh a little tiny bit.

“Made you jump there? A little cold?” she jokingly teased. 

“Uh huh” I kind of sputtered.

“Aw, it’s just a wipe baby, you get these on you all the time I imagine, face, bottom, wherever else, you have to be used to them?”

I kind of gazed, “nuh uh” I sputtered, prompting another laugh from Samantha.

“Yeah, I guess I don’t know if having your bottom cleaned by Mom would ever get used to; maybe it is an adjustment.”

I kind of nodded. 

“Maybe I’m wrong about you, I dunno. You seem nice, you seem harmless, and well, I can’t imagine anyone subjecting themselves to this if they didn’t have to, but still…”

Samantha finished cleaning me all over. I could still smell baby wipes on me; that was a smell I’d gotten used to, absolutely. And for all of her hemming and hawing, she’d actually done a really good job. Like a really good job. 

“All done girly,” she told me, popping a pacifier in my mouth, “I’ll take you back to the living room, wanna watch some cartoons?”

I nodded. 

“Ok, then.”

“Mom! I’m taking Jaclyn back to the living room, everything’s all clean!”

“Thanks honey! Have fun, I’ll be by in a bit!” Mommy yelled back. 

Samantha grabbed me by the hand and pulled me forward. Like her mom, she had a lot of height, and despite being several years younger than me, she too was a bit taller than me, but not like Mommy was.

“You’re going to have to walk, I can’t and won’t carry you, “ she told me sarcastically. 

All the better, I imagined. I put my hand in her offered hand and followed her lead to the living room. 

“Alright, you really liked those blocks earlier, so let’s get some of those out, ok? I’ll put on some cartoons too, alright?”

“Otay,” I lisped.

What was I going to do or say? “Oh no, please don’t make me sit here and play with toys and watch cartoons?” Of course not, that sounded amazing, even with the cold present company included. She sat me down with the blocks and grabbed a remote. 

“Hmm, let’s find something.”

“Have you ever seen ‘Kim Possible’?” she asked.

I didn’t think so, but I wasn’t much of a TV connoisseur, if we were being honest. I just kind of gave a spaced out look.

“Well, I used to watch it a bit when I was younger, you might like it, it’s about a girrrlll superhero,” she told me in a voice that was obviously trying to drum up some sort of made up suspense.

“Otay”, was I all I could muster. I gave kind of a sheepish look myself, a nervous look if we were being honest.

We played for quite a while; it was kind of standoffish, but I like to think we both had fun. At one point, I found myself sitting next to Samantha staring intently at the cartoon that was on. She had super moves, and a cool pet! I dreamt of being Super Jac-y or something similar, though I was unsure if my diaper made me less of anything. 

After a bit of silence, I broke it the best my baby-minded self could. 

“Samanfwa, Jacwyn supahewwo wyke Kim?”

She gave me a look that looked like it melted her heart. 

“Awww, of course Jac-y could be a superhero, at least one that still needs her Mommy and big sister changing her stinky diapers!” she teased. 

Maybe she wasn’t all bad. Maybe the whole affront was simply an act. She had so many ups and downs with emotions, it was hard to tell. Teenagers, amiright? Just comes with the territory, I suppose. I hoped I never grew up into one of those…
 

The whole maddening thing of it all was that I just didn’t know what to do, or how to read her. Prior to my regressional descent, I had always prided myself on reading people with a keen perceptiveness, but Samantha was simply someone I could not get a read on. Did she like me? Hate me? I didn’t know. 

So we watched cartoons and played some more; I managed to wet my diaper for what seemed like the millionth dribbling time, and well, it probably was getting to be time for a change. I figured someone would take care of it. Where was Mommy? I guess I really didn’t care, I was having fun playing with Samantha, and someone would say or do something, they always did. 

Pretty soon, I heard another voice, “I am so glad that my daughters are playing so well together, I didn’t think it would happen, it seemed so impossible just a bit ago.”

I looked up, and sure enough, there was Mommy, holding a diaper, changing pad, and a few wipes. 

“Let’s get Jac-y changed real quick, and we’ll get going, I had a work call I had to take care of, but it looks like you did pretty well Samantha, thank you.”

“Uh, no problem Mom, she’s actually the easiest baby I’ve ever had to entertain, not a single trouble at all,” Samantha told her. 

“Well I’m glad to hear that, maybe you can babysit this week when I go back to work,” Mommy told her.

Samantha and I both exchanged uneven glances. As much fun as we’d had, I think we were still unsure about each other, for various reasons. 

“Come over here Princess,” Mommy instructed me, patting the changing pad that was now neatly folded out. I crawled over, my soggy bottom poofing out of my leggings for everyone to see; anyone with any experience with babies would know this look from 10000 miles away. 

I laid down on the pad, and Mommy pulled down my leggings, revealing a heavily-soaked diaper. 

“Samantha, would you mind changing Jac-y? You’re going to have to get used to doing this, especially if you’re babysitting her, or I’m busy, or whatever else,” Mommy told her.

“Ugh, I guess,” Samantha told Mommy, walking over. “Can I have the diaper?” 

Mommy handed it to her, “sure, here you go.”

I looked up at Samantha, and my face turned red. I was nervous, and really, I was unsure of my new big sister changing my diaper. Samantha looked at me, almost with a similar unenthusiasm; she shrugged her shoulders and unfolded the new diaper, setting it next to her. Samantha untaped my diaper, which due to its heavy contents, merely folded to the front. 

“Wowie Girly, you sure are wet,” she spoke to the audience of the obvious, “let’s get you all clean and dry, wouldn’t want a rash would we?”

It was like she fell into babysitter mode at the moment, going about the diaper change in a quickly and efficient, yet friendly and securing way. She cleaned everything nicely, or at least it felt clean, pushing my bottom up, wiping all around, and then keeping it held up while she slid a new diaper underneath, setting me down before taping it up, throwing the used wipes in the old diaper next to her, and then taping that up.

“There we go, Girly, all nice and dry and ready to go shopping!” she said in a sing-song voice, and then looked at Mommy, “you know Mom, that really wasn’t too bad.”

Mommy laughed, “well, wait until you get some of her poopy ones, and you might be saying a different tone.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me of that smell earlier, it’s still in my nostrils,” before looking at me and going, “Such a stinky little girl, yes, you, such a stinky little princess.”

“Not to interrupt, but why don’t you go throw that diaper away, and meet us downstairs; I’ll go put the baby in the car and we can go meet Dana and the girls. Sound good?”

“Sure Mom, meet you down there.”

Mommy picked me up and carried me downstairs. It was progress, I guess. Maybe Samantha didn’t hate me after all. I was still unsure, but I felt a little better, at least.

Sorry for the long delay. Life got in the way, lots of things. I’ve got the ending to this one set up and almost done, but I’m planning on making it a series. This is just the first of many of Jaclyn’s Diaper Adventures. Enjoy!

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

This is the end of Part II. Had it ready, but didn’t want to wait to put it out. It’s a bit long, but pretty good. Enjoy! The next part won’t be up for a bit.
 

XVII.

“So Jaclyn, tell me about how you’ve been feeling, what’s the good, what’s the bad, how are the adjustments?”

I sat in Denise’s office, back for one of my weekly “baby talk sessions”.

“Baby talk?”

“No, I’d prefer not, at least not at this stage, this is more of an assessment, a checkpoint if you will…I’ll be making a home visit where you’ll have plenty of time to showcase your babytalk skills.”

“Well, it’s been a big adjustment. I’m still getting a little used to it, if you want me to be honest.”

“What’s been the biggest thing?”

“The diapers probably. I’m normally a modest person, and I’ve been seen naked in front of more people than I care to count.” 

“Does that bother you?”

“I mean, sometimes, if I’m being honest. Me being without clothes usually is connected with my diaper being filled with poop or pee, and not only do people either see me naked, or are the ones changing me, but it reinforces the whole thought that I’m a baby. It shouldn’t bother me, but like I said, it kind of does. The public diaper changes can be a bit much to handle too, especially if I’m poopy or it’s obvious what’s going. People stare, and I probably let it bother me more than I should. On the other hand, though, it’s something I’m getting more and more used to; I’m definitely more desensitized to it now than I ever was before.”

“Anything else?”

“The lack of control of my own life has taken some getting used to.”

“Such as?”

“I don’t talk in sentences, I don’t make requests anymore, I’m not included in plans. If I’m included, it’s only a mention of my baby status, and how it may or may not affect the plans. It doesn’t bother me that much, I was never one to really like making decisions before, so it’s really taken that potential problem out of my hands.” 

“Anything else?”

“Yes, I was recently adopted by Mommy, and have taken her last name; it’s a bit jarring to think that I now actually belong to her, rather than just being associated. In a way though, it’s a very positive affirmation of not who I was, but who I’m becoming.”

“Do you feel like you’re making progress?”

“Yeah, for all of the things that have taken a lot of getting used to, I definitely wouldn’t trade it. For all of the potential misgivings I might have had, I have a lot of positives in my life now too, which I wouldn’t trade for the world.”

“Such as?” (She really liked to use this question a lot, it seemed)

“Well, I have a support system, and I feel like I’m finally part of something. I have a Mommy, I adore her friends like Auntie Dana and her two girls, and everyone else who’s been around the house. They’ve been nothing  but accepting of me. I feel great, I feel wanted, and I feel loved finally, for the first time in my life. It’s not a romantic love, to be sure, but it’s a family love, and it’s really filled a void that I’ve been missing for a majority of my life.”

I continued, “Other things, like little things have made me happy, such as my nursery that Mommy set up for me. It’s got everything any baby needs or could ever ask for, and I wake up happy every morning. I get to see decals of unicorns, princesses, flowers, and everything else when I wake up, and my room is just the most amazing color of pink. I love it, absolutely love it.”

“Have you noticed any other changes?”

“You mean like the hormones?”

“Yes.”

“I have, at least gradually. I’ve been on them for the better part of a few months now, and I’m noticing that my chest feels a bit fuller, my skin feels a bit softer, and well, if I’m being honest, I don’t get ‘excited’ when Mommy changes me as much, which had been something that had happened prior.”

“Does that bother you?”

“No, the hormones have made me feel better, more complete and have given me some more clarity. Most of all though? I feel happy with them, and am excited to see where they go.”

“That’s wonderful to hear. Is your Mommy helping you along?”

“Yeah, she’s been giving me injections when I need them, and if I ever want to talk about anything, she lets me get out of baby mode to talk to her about them. She’s been my absolute rock through all of this, and has provided so much support, I can never repay her.”

“You should be really glad you have such a wonderful Mommy, it sounds like she’s done some amazing things with you.”

“I do, absolutely.”

“Well, with everything in mind, and everything you’ve told me, I think it may be time to move the next step forward in your regression.”

“Next step?”

“Well, yes. So far, we’ve been moving down a road of gradually transitioning you into your new role as the baby of your new family. This isn’t an ending, rather, we’ve reached the beginning of your schedule of treatment. I feel confident after talking with you that you’re in a good spot, so it’s time we turned up everything in earnest.”

She continued, “I’m going to recommend to your Mommy that we commence the full-regression treatment. As of now, you’re getting the baby treatment in some aspects, such as the diapering, the bed times, the food, and everything else, but now we really need to turn back your mind to that of a 9-month old, and we’ll proceed from there. This won’t be instantaneous, but you’ll notice more and more things start to slip as you enter the full world of babyhood.” 

I kind of looked at her in shock, “Will I remember anything of this?”

“Yes, absolutely. You’ll experience the world as a baby would, and you’ll eventually be working in rather simple thoughts, with the simplest pleasures making you happy, and you’ll be using your cries to ask for things, rather than babytalk. The words, the sentences, those are going to be a long ways away. I’ll let your Mommy know to tell the rest of those partaking in your care, as well.”

“But..”

“Jaclyn, you requested this, and you’re on this road. It sounds like there’s a lot of very positive things that have happened for you, and quite frankly, it’d be very irresponsible to simply abandon them now because you’re afraid of slipping into a new void. It’s a perfectly normal treatment, and quite frankly, you should be proud of the steps you’ve taken.”

“Will I ever be an adult?”; in the anxiety that suddenly filled my head, a little trickle of pee shot into my diaper. I really thought this would be the “bottoming out”, so to speak, I didn’t realize it would potentially go further. 

“That’s up to your Mommy and myself to decide. Maybe you’ll be very happy as a baby, or as a two year old, or you’ll show signs that you need to progress to another stage. Rather than having these conversations, I’m going to instead schedule observation periods where I look at your interactions with not only your Mommy, but in trips out, and with other people, just to see where you’re at, and how everything is affecting you. In many ways, this is the actual start of your long road of babyhood, even if you’ve already been playing the part for a bit of time now.”

“Sound good?”

“Yeah, sounds great.”

“Ok, let’s go get your Mommy and fill her in, we’ve got some other things to expect, this was as much a tune up for you as it was for her.”

Denise went out and got Mommy, bringing her into the office where this had started seemingly an eternity ago, and then filled her in on everything Denise and I had just talked about. It was kind of strange, because they went on with a conversation as if I weren’t there, or didn’t understand it at all. I played with some little toys that Denise had kept in her office. It was keeping me busy at least.

“I’m confident that Jaclyn is progressing well, and I think that it’s time we move to the next step that you and I had previously discussed. Is everything in order on your end, Beth?”

“Yes, I’ll admit, it’s been an adjustment for me too, having a new baby in the house again, but I’ve really enjoyed every little second of it. It brings me back to when Samantha was a little girl.”

“Have you discussed this with Samantha?”

“I’ve mentioned it, but not too far in-depth. Her father and I have had the bulk of conversations about it, which has mostly been me re-assuring him that there’s nothing crazy going on here that would put Samantha in any danger or bad positions.”

“How much does Samantha know about the baby and, well, how big she is?”

“Like I said, we’ve discussed it a bit, and I told her that I’ve adopted a new baby sister for her. I mentioned she’s not your typical baby. For her part, though, she’s excited, if only to have a baby sister in the house. Her father and I divorced fairly early in her life, and neither one of us have had additional children outside of her, so it was always something that she’d asked for, a baby sister or brother, but really, wasn’t something that had fit in to plans for either me or her father.”

“You do think that it’ll be a big adjustment, no?”

“Yes, of course I do, and quite frankly, I hope that she takes it well. She’s been the only child in our family for as long as she’s been alive, and well, even though she likes the idea of having a baby sister, I don’t know that she’s actually realized all that it entails. She’s coming home in a few weeks, so I’ll be filling you in then.”

“When I come in for the home visits to observe your new baby girl, if it’s ok with you, I’ll be meeting with you and Samantha just to keep up on how everyone is adjusting to this new, and rather unprecedented situation.”

“That would be wonderful Denise.”

“Any other things that you’d like to mention while we’re here?”

“I’ve really wanted to get closer to Jaclyn, even though it seems like we’ve really formed a great bond. I spoke with my friend who’s a doctor, and she’s put me on some hormones to promote breastmilk. Formula is definitely easy for this one here to drink, but since we’re moving into a more intensive stage, and really the beginning of everything, I think that I’d really like to transition her to breastmilk.”

“Beth, I think that would be wonderful for you both, and I really encourage you to start doing that; it would be very beneficial for both Mommy and baby, not to mention making grocery bills a bit cheaper too!” Denise chuckled.

“Yes absolutely, I plan on pumping at night when I put Jaclyn down to bed, and when I send her to my friend Dana’s for the days I’m at work, I can have ready-made bottles for the little Princess here to drink until I get home. It’ll work out for us all.”

My eyes piqued up a bit here. I certainly didn’t expect to be breastfed, but I really wasn’t going to complain about it, either. I’m sure it would lead to more poopy diapers of a more liquid variety (I’d heard this about babies before from relatives), but I did like the idea of being more close with Mommy Beth. She was right, we were in a really good spot, but if this was going to be as immersive as possible, I might as well do the full treatment. At the same time, I had a bit of anxiety. Samantha coming was always an inevitability, but it always seemed like more in the abstract. A few weeks away? That was going to be an immediacy the way my days had been drifting together. Would Samantha hate me? Loathe me? Call me names? I didn’t think Mommy would let her, but I still worried about those things. 

Mommy and Denise spoke some more, and finally the day’s session ended. Mommy looked over at me,

“C’mon Princess, it’s time to go, but let’s check your didee before we take off; Mommy doesn’t need any leakies in your car seat to clean up.”

She came over, lifted my skirt up, and grabbed inside the front, confirming what I think she’d already expected.

“Well honey, you’re soaked, and we’re really going to need to change you out of your wet panties,” she turned to Denise, “Do you mind if I change her here real fast? You’re not crunched for time are you?”

Denise simply looked at her and smiled. “Not at all Beth, I have children of my own, and I know how inconvenient it can be to find a place to change a dirty diaper…please, by all means, go ahead and change her here, I don’t mind at all.”

Mommy smiled at her. “Thank you so much, we won’t take too much of your time.”

She pulled the changing pad out, a few wipes and a new diaper, laying them out on the office floor where we’d previously all been talking.

“Come here Princess, let’s change you out of that dirty old diaper, and put you into some new freshies,” patting the floor. 

Rather than walk, I simply crawled over to where Mommy was. There was no point to getting up and walking; crawling seemed entirely easier and more practical from where I was at. 

“Good girl!” Mommy said with enhanced praise, “Look at how smart this little Princess is, following her Mommy’s directions.”

I layed down, and Mommy lifted my skirt, making quick work of my diaper, and putting me into a new one faster than I could say “pee pee panties”, all while lovingly teasing me and making the diaper change, pretty fun. Denise simply looked on and smiled, apparently admiring the interaction between Mommy and I. 

“Go ahead and toss that dirty diaper out here, the trash is going out a little later anyway.” Denise instructed Mommy. 

“Thanks so much again, this little girl is a real pee-pee factory,” Mommy laughed, handing Denise the pee-filled diaper. Mommy turned her attention at me, “Yes you are, yes you are, you’re just Mommy’s little pee pee factory, poopy bottom maker, too, aren’t you?”

I blushed and nodded. 

Mommy helped me up, grabbing me by the hand, and leading me out. “Say bye bye to Ms Denise, Princess.”

“Bye bye Princess! See you soon!” Denise waved and smiled.  I waved back. Things were definitely going to get interesting. 

SEVERAL WEEKS LATER

I sat there on the floor, my padded bottom caressing the carpet as I played with some Duplos that Mommy had given me.

“Alright cuddle bug, Mommy’s got to run out, but she’s got a big surprise when she comes back! You’ll probably be asleep when Mommy gets home, but you’ll definitely have something to look forward to in the morning!”

I wondered what it could be, a million thoughts raced through my head. Was it Dana? Probably not…she’d have to do something with her daughters, and I’d probably have gone over there. I really liked her babysitting me, but it must not have worked out.

“Hiiiii babyyyy!!” a familiar voice interrupted my thoughts. Where had I heard that before? Oh wait, it was….Rebecca! There she was, dressed in a white long sleeve shirt and leggings, complete with Converse low-tops. She had a figure to die for, I’d always had a thing for her.

I blushed. I’d always been attracted to her, but, well, this wasn’t how I imagined us hanging out.

“Hi Webeckah,” was all I could muster from behind my pacifier.

“Oh. My. God. You are just sooooo cute like this!!!” Rebecca exclaimed excitedly, “we are going to have so much fun tonight!”

Mommy interrupted our reunion, “Well now, I’m going to head out; just make sure the baby’s in bed by 930. It’s usually 8, but since it’s a special occasion, later is fine.

“Sounds great Beth,” Rebecca told Mommy, “I hope you have a great time!”

She turned to me, “don’t you have something to say?”

“Bye bye Mommy,” I waved. Mommy came ovef and gave me a big kiss on the forehead.

“Bye Baby, be good for Becky, I want a good report when I get back, or you’ll be over Mommy’s knee!” She kind of laughed. She gave me another kiss, before saying bye to Rebecca and leaving.

“Oh my god, you’re just so cute…I’m sorry, I had to tell you again. When your Mommy told us what had happened, well, I just couldn’t wait to get a turn to babysit your cute little tushy!” she smiled at me.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to use baby talk with me, I won’t tell,” she added, “can you fill me in?”

So I told her everything. The wetting, the diapers, the baby treatment, the transition, and everything else.

“Well that’s really cool, I’m just so proud of you for doing this for yourself, and if we’re being honest? I think you’re really cute as a baby,” she told me, fluttering my hair around. “When you get a little older, Auntie Becca can show you how to be a proper girl, no worries,” she smiled.

The whole thing was a little odd, my biggest crush id had in awhile, sitting here babysitting me. I obviously had no chance with her now, but I was happy we were spending time together.

“So do you want to show me your room, baby?” She asked me, holding her hand out, before adding, “But now, you’ve got to go back to being a baby again, we had a grown up conversation, but you’re just too cute as a little one to pass up!”

I popped the pacifier back in my mouth, somewhat dejectedly. I’d hoped that I would be able to get out of baby space for a bit. I’d been getting used to it, of course, but it was a little fun to be talking to Rebecca, even in the state I was in. It’d been a big adjustment, and really, I wasn’t getting much in the way of adult stimulation in most avenues these days

I took Rebecca’s hand and led her to my room. Her eyes grew wide as saucers when we got to the door.

“Wow. Your Mommy wasn’t kidding when she said she went all out, this is…impressive, everything a little princess could hope for,” she marveled.

“Wanna pway dowwies?” I asked.

“Sure, then we can go eat, and I’ll get you a bottle and ready for bed,” she told me. “Grab a few and we’ll go play downstairs.” I grabbed my favorites and off we went.

We had a great time playing, and in the middle of all of it, I really managed to wet my diaper pretty good. It’d been a constant dribble most of the time Rebecca had been over, but it all came to a head during our play time.

“Ok baby, let’s go eat, but let me check your tushy before we go,” she told me, reaching for my diaper. It was obvious it was soaked, but she went ahead and grabbed it anyway.

“Lemme go grab your stuff and we’ll all get you sorted out,” she told me before disappearing upstairs.

I sat there, almost bewildered. Here I was waiting for my diaper to be changed by a girl I used to work with. This was a girl I’d have loved to have dated at one time, but that had passed. I sighed and began to sniffle. A lot of emotions were running through my head.

Soon Rebecca re-appeared, holding a new diaper, a pack of wipes, and a changing pad.

“Alright, let’s get you all dry and clean!” she said in a sing-song voice, “C’mere and lay down for Auntie Becky,” she unfolded the changing pad and patted it, motioning for me to come over.

I did as I was told, still sniffling. It caught Rebecca’s attention.

“Aw sweetie, what’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing, just…”, I started.

“Embarrassed about having your didee changed? Don’t worry, it’s nothing I’ve never seen before, I’ve got a lot of nieces and nephews, and well, if we’re being honest? You’re just a little bigger,” she laughed.

“Yeah, kind of, it’s just taking a lot to get used to,” I told her.

“I’m sure it is, but hey, at least you get to hang out with your cool Auntie!”

“You’re right,” I told her. And I guess she was right. I’d have already been gone had I just been a summer guest. Now? Well, hopefully Mommy could get Becca to babysit more.

“Now let’s get that tushy changed,” she told me.

I went and laid down. Rebecca popped the tapes open, leaving my diaper area fully exposed. She took some wipes and went to work on my area, wiping all around. The sight and feel of her moving around got my juices flowing as best they could, and as much as I felt like I could fly a flag, nothing was working. I started touching it, just hoping something would happen. It was naughty, I’ll admit, and my hands probably got a bit dirty.

“Oh oh! Someone’s a naughty baby during her diaper changed!” Rebecca laughed. “Not now, you’re not old enough!”

I started to cry a bit, realizing full-well what my new adventure had led me to. Even if I was moving towards what I wanted, the fact that I was just a baby in front of my biggest crush was more or less, somewhat deflating. Rebecca didn’t seem to be phased by it all, and finished wiping my diaper area, before unfolding the new diaper. In the middle of this, my tears turned to giggles. What a sight this must have been. Rebecca looked at me, a little perplexed.

“Ok baby, why the laughs?” She kind of chuckled, “does Aunt Becky seem funny to you? Is she funny looking?” She then blew a few raspberries on my tummy.

“Gwon up one moh time?” I asked behind my pacifier.

“Ohh kay, I guess I can let you do that, but just this once!” she giggled herself.

I took the paci out of my mouth.“Remember ‘Full House’? I always had a crush on Aunt Becky, and now I have my own! And well, it’s just kind of funny,” I laughed before putting the
paci back in its usual spot.

“Hmm, well, that kind of is, but is it this funny?” she blew another raspberry. I couldn’t help but laugh again.

“Ok Princess, let’s get this change over with,” she said matter-of-factly.

In one fell move, she expertly pulled the front of the diaper up, taped it, and had me get up.
She balled the wipes up in the old diaper and patted me on the bottom before going to throw it away.

“Sit tight on that couch and Aunt Becky will be back and we can eat!” She told me before disappearing out of the living room.

What had just happened?

Rebecca came back pretty soon. “Let’s get some din din in your tummy, then you can watch a movie with Aunt Becky. Sound good?”

“Mhm,” I told her.

So we went to the kitchen. Mommy had made a purée and left some money for Rebecca to order something; she ordered Chinese earlier, it was going to be here soon.

Soon we were in the dining room. I was in my high chair with my baby food, Rebecca was eating orange chicken. It looked and smelled so good. In between bites of chicken, Rebecca fed me spoonfuls of my…well…mush. She must have seen me looking at hers, though.

“Awww, does baby want some of her Auntie’s food?”

I nodded. “Yesh Auntie Becky.”

“Good girl, and since you’ve done such a great job, you can have a few bites.”

She really turned on a Mommy-mode switch. If made me happy to be called a good girl though, I had to admit.

Soon, Rebecca had given me a few bites, and very delectable ones at that. She finished hers, and I finished mine, albeit with a bit of a mess.

“Well, I see why your Mommy leaves baby wipes all over the house, can never be too careful with your messies,” Rebecca commented. She grabbed a few baby wipes out, cleaned my face and hands, and gave the high chair a once over.

I’d wet a little, but it wasn’t serious. I’m sure Rebecca would change me before bed.

“Now that I’ve got that cleaned up, lemme go make you a bottle, and we can go watch a movie or something, sound good?”

“Yesh Aunt Becky,” was all I could muster. 

“Good girl, now just hang tight in your high chair while Aunt Becky makes you the best bottle you’ve ever had, I promise!”

After a few mins (it didn’t take long), Rebecca had gone and gotten me a bottle of Mommy’s pumped milk. She came over and undid my high chair, helping me down. 

“Now let’s go watch a movie,” she told me, taking my hand. I, of course, adored her almost heavenly touch, and I went right a long with her. 

We went into the living room and sat on one of Mommy’s leather couches. The feeling of being on a couch in just my shirt and diaper never got old; the feeling was so cool against my bare legs. I began shivering a bit; I don’t know if it was excitement of being with Rebecca, or if it was the cool leather on my legs, or both. On second thought, it probably was a bit of both. 

As if she could read my mind, Rebecca asked, “Oh, are you cold sweetie? I’ll go get you a blankie, you can snuggle with Aunt Becky while you drink your bottle, that is if you don’t mind.”

I shook my head. “Pwease Aunt Becky, pwease?”

“Well, if that just isn’t the cutest thing, you’re making your Auntie’s heart melt, come over here, you little stinker,” she grabbed a blanket, set up on the opposite side of the couch, and patted the area right next to her.”

Of course, I wasn’t going to complain, I followed right over. 

Rebecca put her arm out, and wrapped it around my shoulder. We were comparable sizes, but it felt like I melted into her embrace like a glove. 

“Wrap your legs over mine, sweetie,” she instructed me. I draped my legs across her lap, my head resting on the arm rest. Rebecca used her free hand and pulled the blanket up over us. Once that was unoccupied, she took the bottle and moved it towards my lips. I opened my lips and began sucking on the nipple. The cold milk felt so good on my throat. 

“Drink up baby, we can watch the movie now,” she smiled at me, kissing me on the forehead. 

Rebecca put on “Cinderella”, it was one of my all-time favorite movies even before I got put into this new babyhood; I’d always had a soft spot for it, even if it wasn’t something I actually would ever admit. 

As I drank the bottle, I began having wonderful thoughts. I, of course, always had a crush on Rebecca, and while this wasn’t my preferred position with her, I really did enjoy this sudden closeness we had. I don’t know if she always had the same feelings for me, but maybe it was just her “inner Mommy” coming out in her. Whatever it was, she was good at it; very much a natural. 

After a bit, I finished my bottle, burping a bit. Rebecca set it down on the other side of her, and put me in a bit of an embrace. She held me there for what seemed like an eternity; our bodies had formed a connection, even it was just her being nice as a babysitter and treating me in the way I was “supposed” to be treated. 

Suddenly, she looked down and gave me a devilish grin. 

“Look baby, I know you have the hots for me, I know you’ve always had the hots for me since we’ve met. I saw the little handsy-ness you made for Aunt Becky tonight, it was really cute…so…I guess my question is, are you feeling a bit naughty?”

“Ummm..Mommy spank” I replied in my best baby talk. 

“Oh, well, Mommy not know,” she laughed. 

“Otay then Auntie Beckie,” I replied. I wondered where this was going. 

“Let’s reposition ourselves then, Aunt Becky wants to give you a bit of a snack,” she slyly told me. 

She moved the blanket, and had me move lower down. She took off her shirt, revealing a sports bra underneath. She lifted the sports bra up, revealing two large boobies. 

“Auntie Becky wants you to suck on her boobies,” she instructed me. 

What could I say? This beat a bottle of Mommy’s milk, as good as that was. I  preferred Mommy’s boobies to the pumped milk, even if they were the same substance. Something about coming from the source was…intoxicating. 

I put my mouth around Rebecca’s giant orbs, and began suckling on her luscious boobies. Of course, no milk came out, but this was one of the greatest moments in my short existence on the planet. 

One of my hands grabbed her other boob, and she began to shudder in pleasure. She grabbed my hand, and began moving it to her crotch area. 

“Aunt Becky wants you to pet her pussy, even if you’re not working down there anymore, it doesn’t mean that you still can’t give Aunt Becky some pleasure” she told me with a sinister grin, moving my hand in a gentle stroking motion up and down her leggings. I could feel it, and I just kept going in a rhythmic motion.

Suddenly, disaster struck. The Chinese food from earlier seemed to be having an adverse reaction. I hadn’t eaten solid food in so long, I don’t think that my body had been used to it. As if on cue, my stomach began to cramp and I tried to hold it. 

“Keep going baby girl, keep stroking Aunt Becky,” she moaned in pleasure. I furiously suckled on her boobs while stroking, all while trying to hold off the inevitable deposit in my diaper. 

The whole event lasted about five more minutes. Finally, I couldn’t hold it anymore and the dam broke. What started as a short muffled fart morphed into a violent episode of diarrhea blowing up the back of my diaper. 

The action on the couch suddenly stopped with Rebecca sniffing the air. 

“Um, Jaclyn? Did you do what I think you just did?”

I turned beet red. “I…uh…poopy Aunt Becky.”

“Mmhmm, I can definitely smell it. You stink baby girl, you’re stinky stinky stinky,” she laughed. 

“I sowwy Auntie Becky,” I told her. I was very sincere, and very embarrassed. Here I was, so close to a goal, and it was blown away by explosive diarrhea. 
“It’s ok, you’re a baby, that’s why you’ve got those diapers on that cute and stinky tushie of yours,” she told me. 

I got up to move. Becky looked down at me, “where do you think you’re going little one?”

“To be changed, Auntie?”

“No, please don’t move yet, keep going on Auntie’s boobies, keep rubbing me, too.”

I did as I was told. After a little while longer, Auntie finally breathed really deeply and let go. I guess I’d done my job. She gave me a big smile and kissed me on the forehead. 

“Thank you Princess, Aunt Becky needed that, “ok now, let’s go up to your room and out of your stinky panties.” 

Even though I’d made her happy, I was super embarrassed, this was one of the first times that I’d regretted this arrangement with Beth about the whole baby thing. This was probably the closest I was ever going to get to real sexual contact for quite some time, and I blew it. Regret flooded through my head. I wished I’d have gone out with Rebecca before this whole thing happened; maybe I could have had something with her that didn’t involve pooping my pants on her lap. What could have been. At least I got some action. 

Rebecca took me by the hand, leading me upstairs. My diaper was drooping from the deposited mess. I guess I was lucky I wasn’t the one who had to change it. 

We got into my room, “Go ahead and get on the table baby,” Rebecca instructed me. I didn’t want to embarrass myself further, so I went up and laid on the changing table. 

“This is really nice of your Mommy to get you, and it really saves a lot of stress on the back,” she told me, “I could get used to changing your diapers here.”

I don’t think she considered me a functioning adult anymore. What little idea she might have held in her head, I think she realized my descent into babyhood had hit a point of no return. Of course, a poopy diaper on your lap would probably not make you think otherwise. 

“Alright baby, let’s get you clean, we’ll make you into a pretty princess from a stinky one,” she cooed. 

I guess she was trying to make the best out of a bad situation. I don’t think this was something either one of us really wanted to be in. Mommy had obviously changed a lot of my poopy diapers, and so had Auntie Dana, and I’d been used to them doing it by now, but having someone like Rebecca do it, well, was taking some getting used to. Being changed out of a wet one was one thing, a poopy diaper was a completely other endeavor. 

Rebecca got out the necessary supplies and began to go to work. The smell from the diaper when she opened it was overpoweringly nasty and terrible, it seemed like every sewer system in the Bay Area had broken at once and located the smell to this very room. Rebecca didn’t really flinch, she wrinkled her nose and had a bit of a grossed out look, but she took the change in stride. 

“Stinky stinky, stinky little girl, yes you are, yes you are just a stinky stinky girl with a dirty little tushy,” she said in a sing song voice. “Aren’t you so glad that you’ve got a great Auntie Becky who loves her little niece so much that she’s willing to change her stinky little didees?”

“Uhmmhmmm,” was all I could reply. I was embarrassed; the baby talk wasn’t helping much. 

“You are just too cute, even if you’re a little stinkpot,” she kept talking as she wiped. “Now lift up for Auntie, let’s clean the rest of your wittle bottom,” she finished. 

I lifted up, and Aunt Becky started wiping every little crevice down. I was too embarrassed to fly my flag, and I just kept moving when asked. 

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she pulled a new diaper out from underneath the table, and unfolded it. “Lift up for Auntie, honey.”

I did, and she put the new diaper underneath me, and I put my bare bottom back down on it. Aunt Becky pulled the tapes up, just as she had with the other one, and taped the rest of it around my waist. 

“There we go stinky, all done,” 

“Fank you Aunt Becky,” I told her. 

“Of course sweetie, now let’s get you to bed.”

She pulled down the side of my crib and pulled a blanket over top of me.

“Would you like me to read you a story before bed?” she asked. 

“Yeth Aunt Becky,” I told her. 

“Oh, I can’t say no to such a cute face, even if you did poop on me,” she laughed. She got out a few princess books, sitting in a chair next to my crib, and read them to me. I suckled on my pacifier, admiring her beauty. I know that I’d never have a chance to be her boyfriend, but hopefully she’d get to babysit more often. I had a lot of fun. 

Finally she finished the last page. “All done sweetie, hope you enjoyed them,” she smiled. 

“Fanks Aunt Becky,” I told her. 

“Of course,” she smiled. 

As much as I knew I was supposed to be in baby mode, I couldn’t resist, and pulled my pacifier out.

“Aunt Becky?”

“Yes?”

“I really had a fun time with you tonight, you’re the best babysitter I’ve ever had, even if I wasn’t nice and pooped on you,” I told her, “You were always my favorite person at work, and I really hope that we get to spend more time together, even if it’s just as you babysitting.”

“Oh baby, you are just too sweet, I’ll ask your Mommy if I can babysit more, maybe we can even go out in San Francisco, I’d love to push your cute little tushy around in a stroller there, or go to the beach, or something. Auntie Becky will have a lot more fun planned the next time you see her. Thanks for being such a good baby tonight for me; don’t worry about the poopies, those things happen, that’s why you have diapers,” she laughed. 

My heart sunk. She really did just see me as a baby, and if she didn’t, she was doing a good job at pretending it. My eyes got a little sad. 

“I…I..don’t want you to weave Aunt Becky,” I cried. 

“Oh sweetie, do you want to cuddle with Auntie on the chair for a little bit? Your Mommy isn’t going to be back for awhile, so we can get you into your crib before then…no poopies though, I’ve had enough stinky for the night,” she laughed. 

I nodded and she came and undid the crib. “Come on the chair and snuggle on Aunt Becky’s lap.”

I did, and I put myself in her lap, snuggling my head onto her shoulder, while she patted my bottom, humming a few tunes. I felt my eyes get a bit drowsy and I began to nod off.

“Fank you Auntie,” I whispered before falling victim to the nightly ritual of sleep.

After some time had passed, probably a half hour at least, Aunt Becky stirred me from my sleep, and helped me back into my crib. I basically slept walked back into it. 

Aunt Becky pulled the blanket over me, and kissed me on the forehead. “Sweet dreams Princess, we’ll see each other again soon,” and pulled the rail up on the crib, snapping it into place. I smiled, as if I was living my best life; I’m glad the night got to end for me on somewhat of a nice note, even if it was a little bittersweet. 

She turned off the light and walked out, wandering back downstairs. 

A while later, the door opened, and Beth walked in, carrying a bag. 

“Hi Becky, how were things tonight?” 

“They were good, you’ve got a real sweetheart of a babygirl there, I loved my time over here today.”

“How was she?” Beth asked.

“Really good, she listened, ate her food well, and even gave me a poopy diaper present,” Rebecca laughed, “I will baby sit for you any time that you need it, I will always be free for that little girl you have up there.”

“Well, with things kicking up and the summer ending, we might just have to put you here on a more permanent basis, but let’s talk about it next week at work. It’s late, and you’ve got a bit of a trek to get back home, I don’t want to keep you any more.”

“Beth, thank you for having me over tonight, I really enjoyed myself, I’ll see you on Monday,” Rebecca replied.

Rebecca went in to get her coat, before walking out. Just then, the door opened, revealing an almost mini-me of Beth. 

“Oh, uh, hi, I’m Samantha,” she told Rebecca.

“I’m Rebecca, your mom has told me so much about you, did you have a good summer?”

“Uh yeah, I guess, really good,” Samantha wasn’t offering much. 

“Well, nice to meet you, hope we get to talk more soon,” Rebecca smiled and headed outside to her car.

Soon, it was just Beth and Samantha back in the kitchen. 

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

XVI

If you’ve ever had a feeling that jolted you awake like someone was watching you, this was similar. Instead of being rudely awakened however, my eyes opened to see Auntie Dana was standing next to me, holding Amelia. They both looked down with smiles. My diaper felt heavy and wet, so I must have been continuing my seemingly timeless habit of wetting in my sleep.

“Wake up Princess, we’ve got a few things to take care of,” she said in a sweet voice, running her hand gently through my hair, before pulling back the blanket. 

“But first……..cllllleeeeeeean DIAPEY!” she shouted playfully. 

“I dwy Auntie,” I teased.

“Sshhh sshhh Princess, you were wet before I put you down, are you saying that your diapey got magically dry in the time you were sleeping? Were you visited by the clean diaper fairy?” she teased.

“Uh-huh” I nodded.

“Well, let’s just see then how good of a job that diaper fairy did then, shall we?”

She pulled back the blanket, and lifted my skirt; the present state of the diaper left no illusions of whether or not it was wet or not. 

“Tsk tsk tsk, that darn diaper fairy didn’t do that great of a job, did she? Well, that’s what little girls have their Aunties for,” she chuckled.

“Jac-wyn weawwy wet Mommy,” Amelia told her mom. 

“Yes she is, but you aren’t one to talk little girl, you had a pretty big pee pee diaper too,” she teased. 

Dana grabbed the changing pad that had been downstairs, and laid it on the floor next to the couch.

“Why don’t you come down here real quick,” she told me, patting the floor. Amelia stood guard next to her Mom.

I did as I was instructed, and laid down, and Dana performed an expertly-efficient diaper change, teasing me about my wet panties, and blowing rasberries on my tummy as she cleaned me up. She’d just finished cleaning me, and then needed one more thing.

“Amelia, can you beeee a biiiig help and grab Mommy a diaper out of Jac-y’s diaper bag?” she pointed to the bag sitting near the couch.

“Mmm-hmmm Mommy,” Amelia went over and rifled through my bag (it was still weird to consider it *my diaper bag* with *my diapers* in there, but things were the way they were), grabbed a diaper and handed it to Auntie Dana.

“Thanks honey, You. Are. Such. A. BIG HELPER!!!” she kissed Amelia on the head, before turning to me, “Okay Princess, let’s get this new diaper on you and make you…all cleeeean!” she told me in a cheery sweet voice.

She unfolded it, and before I could get my butt lifted up, she grabbed my ankles in one fell swoop, popped my butt up, and slid the diaper in underneath with the other, and then taped up the rest. She was like the Superwoman of diaper changes; I was completely blown away. The little things, you know?

She helped me up, and pulled my leggings up before giving me a soft pat on my bottom. “There we go Princess, all clean and dry!” 

“We’ve got to go get Natalie from school; I’ve got you both some drinks to have on the way over there,” she told us.

Auntie Dana went in to the kitchen, re-emerging with a baby bottle for me and a sippy cup for Amelia. My eyes must have gone kind of big; I was lower in stature now than Amelia; how the tables had turned!

“Jac-y, I get big giwl cup ‘cause I’m not a baby,” Amelia told me rather matter-of factly. “Maybe you get big giwl cup someday too.”

“Now now Amelia, no need to tease the baby, she’ll grow up to be a big girl too, just like you are!” 

“So big you still poop your pants,” I thought to myself, not bothering to think out loud. I’d had fun today, sure, but it was still a little humiliating to be at a level lower than a toddler, and to be teased to boot! What was this coming to? I thought better of saying anything; this was what it was, even if there was cringe-worthy bad to go with the supposed benefits of this treatment. 

“Well girls, let’s go out to the car,” she told us, grabbing the diaper bag and heading out. It wasn’t too long of a ride, at least I didn’t think so, but I guess with two kids in diapers, it’s better to be safe than sorry. 

She put Amelia in her car seat, and then looked at me, “Well Princess, you’re probably big enough today that you can sit here in a big kid seat,” she told me. 

“Buuut Mommmy, Jac-y baby! She needs to be in baby seat!” Amelia whined.

“Well, that’s just the way it is; I’m sure Jac-y’s Mommy will be bringing something more age-appropriate when she comes next,” Auntie Dana was finishing my seatbelt and buckling me in with a telltale *click*. 

Amelia was still mad and whining, and when Auntie Dana closed my door to walk to hers, I looked over and stuck my tongue out at Amelia. Pay back for the baby comment with the cups, I surmised. It’s the little things, you know?

“Mawww-meeeee! Jac-y’s makin’ faces at meeee!!!” Amelia whined. 

I was mouth deep in a bottle by this time, and it must not have set Auntie Dana’s BS detector off. 

“C’mon honey, look at Jac-y, she’s just drinking her bottle like a sweet little Princess, maybe you could learn a thing or two from her!” 

Amelia just gave me a pouty look. “Bad baby,” she muttered. Auntie Dana must have had supersonic hearing, because she turned around and shot Amelia a nasty glare. 

“Young lady, you need to be nice to the baby,” she told her, “not only are you lying, but you also are being mean, and mean is not acceptable in our house.”

Amelia blushed, “Sowwy Mommy, sowwy Jacwyn.”

“It’s otay ‘Melia,” I told her, taking another drink out of my bottle. 

The rest of the drive was pretty uneventful. Auntie Dana put on a CD with Disney songs, much to Amelia’s delight. I was pretty non-plussed; even though I technically had assumed the baby role, my mind wasn’t quite there yet. I didn’t want to complain; I’d never really liked much of what Disney had to offer, so I just silently stared out the window, looking at the scenic beauty of the area, drinking on my bottle. Unfortunately for my diaper, pee had been trickling out here and there. It wasn’t terribly wet, but it definitely wasn’t dry anymore either. I knew I had a long road ahead, and my bladder and everything were supposed to trend downward, but it still was a little much, especially because it seemed like I may have been becoming less and less aware of the actual loss of control. I guess that’s why I was in diapers; they weren’t just something to look at, I was using them for their intended purpose. 

Soon we were at the school; we sat in a pickup line out near the back, stretching out onto the road. It looked like your typical elementary school; there was nothing really remarkable to tell about it; it did look like there was a community garden or something similar off to the side, but other than that, it was nothing I’d write home about. Certainly nicer than the schools I’d gone to as a kid, that’s for sure, but nonetheless pretty unremarkable. 

The time in line gave me time to finish my bottle; I put it in a cup holder next to me under the window. Now I had nothing to really keep my attention, so I just more or less focused on the little things going around. There were staff members trying to keep order of a process that seemed more akin to herding cats; parents getting out of cars and yelling for their kids; it was all a little much. Soon, Auntie Dana was doing the same, getting out, yelling at Natalie, and waving for her to come over. Soon, I saw Natalie headed towards the car; Auntie Dana got out and opened the door; Natalie got in, looked at me and smiled.

“Jaclyn! Mommy said you were going to be here today! I’m super glad to see you again!” she smiled.

“Hi,” was about all I could do. I was really nervous, even if Natalie seemed like she was in a pretty joyful mood. 

We headed back to Auntie Dana’s house; Natalie spent the majority of the trip talking about random things they’d been learning in school that day, which ranged from everything dealing with rudimentary Astronomy to different forms of Multiplication in other classes. 

Finally we got home, and I went up to play with the girls. We were having a good time, even if Natalie was a little bossy. She had a strange pre-occupation with playing school, and wanted to be the teacher and the “babies be the students”. For someone who’d just spent a long time at school, it seemed like it didn’t dissuade her in the least. Natalie joyfully carried on, and really seemed a natural teacher. She taught the “babies” about numbers, colors, and baby animals. 

Unfortunately for me, the rumbling in my stomach from earlier seemed to get bigger and bigger. Even though my wetting wasn’t much in my control, I still felt like I had more control over my bowels, even though that would eventually slip away as well. In the present though, I was trying my hardest to carry on. I really, and I mean really, didn’t want to poop in my diaper at Auntie Dana’s. Being changed by her out of my wet diapers were enough; I really wasn’t ready for the poopy experience, especially here. 

I kept carrying on playing, even though the dread in my stomach kept putting more and more pressure in it. I didn’t think Mommy would be here anytime soon, so that added stress to my already pressure-filled stomach. I could hold it, I knew I could. The problem with this approach though is that I was becoming more and more withdrawn as I focused on my impending potty pants issue. Rather than engaging in “learning”, I was sitting in the corner, trying my best to hold it. My diaper was wet, to be sure, and I was resigned to a change for that, but if I could just hold on, then I’d be home free and I could go poop in the safe confines of Mommy’s house. It was a foolproof plan, I just knew it would work.

Fate, unfortunately, had other plans. In the midst of trying to prevent a brown disaster in my diaper, I’d taken on coloring with some of the girls’ coloring books. It came natural to me; I loved art, whether it was drawing, painting, or sculpting clay. I’d always loved coloring books when I was a kid, and this really brought me back to a more “happy” place where I could lovingly distract myself with coloring a pretty picture. This one happened to have all sorts of cartoon animals in it across a wide variety of environments, whether it was oceans, rain forests, and other things; and it really made me have fun. This was my “school assignment” from Teacher Natalie. Things were going well, and in my distraction, a set of crayons took on the form of logs rolling down a hill and rolled off the table. As I went to bend over to get them, the pressure got to be too much, and well, my bowels finally had enough; too much effort had been expended throughout the day, which, coupled with the pureed food I’d been eating and the stuff I’d been drinking, wasn’t a good combination. Within seconds, a giant mess began to explode out of my bottom and into the back of my diaper. It literally felt like I had five tons of poop; I could feel it across the entirety of my diaper. 

I sat there in a mix of shock and awe, fully aware of what I’d just done, and I started bawling my eyes out. It was embarrassment more than anything else, I guess, but it didn’t change the fact that I was sitting in front of  relative strangers with a completely filled-to-the-top poopy diaper. It wasn’t the first time I’d done this in front of these two, of course, there was that incident at the baseball game, but it was still embarrassing nonetheless. I felt inconsolable, and couldn’t stop crying. Natalie and Amelia came to try and comfort me, as if they were big sisters comforting their baby sibling. The smell of it began engulfing the room, making the whole ordeal even worse. They tried everything to get me to stop, and nothing was working. Finally, Natalie took it in her hands to call in the big guns, walking out of the room, and yelling out of the hall.

“Mo-MMY! Baby Jaclyn is crying! She’s really upset!” Natalie yelled downstairs. I could hear a trouncing up the stairs that were getting closer and closer. Finally, Auntie Dana appeared in the door.

“Jac-y, what’s wrong, sweetie?” Auntie Dana asked, before her nostrils finally told her what was going on. 

“I…go…poopy,” was all I could muster. 

The look on Auntie Dana’s face went from one of fear and concern to one being almost humored. 

“Oh sweetie, you don’t need to be upset. It’s a poopy diaper, and these things happen with babies, you saw Amelia have one today, you shouldn’t cry, it just comes with the territory. Let’s get you changed and that little stinky bottom of yours all clean. 

“Otay Auntie Dana,” I told her, “I sowwy.”

“Honey, it’s nothing to be sorry over, that’s why your Mommy put you back in diapers, babies can’t help when they poop and pee, it’s better on your bottom than on the floor or on me!” she almost rhymed, though I don’t know if that was intentional or not. 

“Why don’t we go downstairs, all of your changing stuff is down there,” she told me, “Girls, Mommy has to go change a poopy diaper, Jac-y will be back up in a few minutes,” she told Natalie and Amelia. 

“Okay Mommy!” they spoke in unison. 

 I obediently followed Auntie Dana out of the room, the mess moving around as I walked. Tears still on my face, and waddling down the stairs, I just wanted this dirty dropping in my diaper to come to a merciful end. 

“Why don’t you go in front of the couch, I’ll bring the stuff over, and we’ll get this all done real quick so you can go back to playing,” she told me in a somewhat happy voice. 

How could anyone be happy having to deal with…this? There’s a hallway in whatever heaven that may exist dedicated to Auntie Dana, I can say that much.  

I went over and stood there, I didn’t want to smoosh my poop on my bottom more than I think it already was, plus, there was a worry I had about leaking that poop all over my clothes and onto the floor, which would have defeated the ultimate purpose of the diaper to begin with. 

Auntie Dana rummaged through my diaper bag (It was still weird to think of it as *my* diaper bag filled with *my* diapers, but I digress) and got everything she needed. A new diaper, some wipes, and a changing pad were in her hand as she approached, and then laid out the pad on the ground. 

“Lay down sweetie so Auntie Dana can get you all clean,” she instructed. 

I laid down, my line of sight staring straight upon the celling of the living room. I hadn’t noticed it before, but it had a really cool pattern, all hardwood planked, neatly stained to really make it pop. There were lots of wood beams crisscrossing the house, and the floor was made up in much the same way. I have no idea how much something like this cost, but it was clear that Dana and her husband weren’t hurting in the money department. 

Auntie Dana pulled down my tights and set them to the side, revealing a pretty poopy and pummeled diaper. She moved my blouse up on me, almost to my chest. 

“Well, here goes nothing, let’s see how stinky of a present you made for Auntie Dana,” she smiled, and began to open the tapes of the sodden garment.

As the tapes popped, the smell got worse, and as the last one was popped, Auntie Dana opened up the front, letting it plop forward onto the changing pad, revealing the nasty and stinky contents inside. 

“Oh wow honey, you really did a number on this diaper, you really had to go didn’t you, aren’t you just the stinkiest girl in the house? Are you going for an award? Yes you are! Yes you are!,” she teased me. At least she was being a good sport about it. 

“I don’t know if these wipes your Mommy sent are going to be enough, hold on.”

“NATALIEEEE!!!” she yelled upstairs. 

“Yes Mommy?”

“Can you bring some of your sister’s wipes down here?” 

There was no answer, but a noise of running feet shortly followed. “COMING MOMMY!” 

Natalie emerged towards the top, with Amelia following quickly behind. I felt exposed. Here I was, laying naked from my bottom half, covered in a poopy mess on top of a dirty diaper, with Dana kneeling next to me, ready to finish the job. 

“Ewww, Baby Jaclyn smells as bad as ‘Melia’s poopy pants,” Natalie snorted before looking at me, “Don’t worry baby, someday your Mommy will get you all potty trained,” 

Dana shot her a glare. “Natalie, do you want to re-think your smart comments?”

“Uhhh…”

“If you want to keep teasing, I can put you back in diapers with your sister and Jac-y too, and you all three can make poopies for Mommy and Auntie Beth, is that what you want?”

“Ew, no, I’m not a baby,” Natalie shot back.

“Well then, quit teasing. They’re babies honey, they can’t help it, they need their diapers, it’s not a big deal…now go back upstairs and play,” Auntie Dana commanded.

“Yes Mommmmy,” Natalie told her, “C’mon Amelia, we’ll go up and play and wait for Jac-y to get back,” and they both headed upstairs, “see you soon Jac-y,” she yelled from the stairs. 

Auntie Dana turned her attention to me. “I’m sorry about that sweetie, I swear, that girl thinks she’s a lot older than she already is, and can’t control her mouth sometimes,” she shook her head.

“It otay Auntie Dana,” I told her.

“Oh I’m sure you don’t mind, you probably just want to be out of this poopy diaper and back up playing with the girls, don’t you?”

“Yeth,” I told her, lisping through my binky. 

“Well let’s get that taken care of then, how about that?”

I smiled and nodded. 

Dana was pretty efficient with the change. She used a ton of wipes and was very thorough with cleaning me all over, first getting me on my crotch area, and then in between my thighs, finding any and every area that might be covered by my stinky mess. 

“Lift,” she instructed, and pulled the dirty diaper out from underneath me, before wiping enough of my cheeks that I could sit down with out completely destroying the changing pad. 

She rolled it up and set it to the side, putting the used wipes inside of it. 

“Lift again,” she instructed me, and pushed my legs up in the air, putting the wipes deep up in the crack of my butt, and getting everything all clean. 

She put me back down, and then looked all over, tapping the side of my legs to have me roll over on both sides, and then looked at my bottom again. Clearly confident in her work, she pulled another diaper out, and unfolding it.

“One more lifty for Auntie,” she instructed. 

I did as I was told and she slid the back half of my new diaper underneath me. She took some baby powder, and spread some baby oil all over (“just to make sure you smell good for Mommy and everyone else”) and then finishing up, she pulled the diaper up, taping it into place. She then grabbed my leggings.

“Toes out for Auntie,” she told me.

I stuck them out in some sort of planking motion, and she slid them over my feet and pulled them up my legs.

“Ok, sweetie, stand up real quick, and grab my shoulders.”

I did as I was told, and she bent over, pulling the leggings up the rest of the way, over my diaper.

“There we go, all clean, and as much of a cutie as ever,” she told me, playfully patting my bottom to signify a job well done.

“Fanks Auntie Dana,” I told her.

“Of course sweetie, now why don’t you go up and play until dinner time, go have fun upstairs.”

I did my diaper waddle upstairs, running in much the same direction as a toddler would. My anxieties were now contained in the dirty diaper that Dana was disposing of downstairs, and I felt like I turned a corner. As we played upstairs, the smells from downstairs wafted towards the room. If it tasted half as good as it looked, I couldn’t wait. 

Dinner was pretty uneventful. I did enjoy the smell, but rather than getting some of Auntie Dana’s expert cooking in the solid form, I had to settle for more puree. It wasn’t the worst tasting, and unfortunately (but maybe fortunately), I was getting more and more used to it. Whereas I’d always loved to get something quick like a Mexican Pizza from Taco Bell, I was now settling for pureed spaghetti mixed with fruits and veggies. At least I was going to be healthy, I guess. Auntie Dana initially fed me, but that soon gave way to Natalie trading her places and doing it instead. She was pretty fun with it, playing “airplane” and a few other baby games. I felt jealous of Amelia, who even though she was basically a toddler herself, she at least got to partake in the solid foods, even if she did make a mess.

Dinner eventually was over, and we went back upstairs to play. After a little bit, Auntie Dana came in and announced it was time for the girls to go to bed. She took them and gave them both a bath, and then got them dressed in PJs, before sending them both to bed.. They both came up and gave me big hugs, and were happy when Auntie Dana told them that I’d be joining them at the house again tomorrow. Finally, she looked at me, took me by the hand, and led me downstairs. 

“Your Mommy will be here sometime soon, so why don’t we go and wind down for her; I’ve got a bottle to give you, we can change you afterward.”

It honestly didn’t sound like a half-bad plan I guess. I was a little tired from the day, and a bottle sounded pretty good right now. Auntie Dana got a bottle, went and sat on the couch, tapping a spot next to her for me to come sit. I layed across her lap, my head propped up by her right elbow, and her holding a bottle for me with the other. We watched an episode of the Office, and even though it wasn’t technically “age appropriate” for me, I didn’t say anything. For someone who was the mom of two busy kids, watching adult shows must have been a real luxury, so I didn’t interrupt. She’d already had the honors of changing a number of wet diapers and one really poopy mess, so I figured she needed a break from the baby stuff. I just wanted to be quiet and cute.

As I continued to drink, she looked down, and started talking. 

“Did you have fun today sweetie?” 

I nodded. 

“Being a baby isn’t the worst thing in the world, is it?”

I shook my head. 

“Well, you were an angel today, and I know the girls both had fun playing, so I’ll ask your Mommy if its ok if she keeps bringing you here every morning. It’s not that much more work, trust me…just a few more diapers to change, and well, that’s not terrible if it’s the most that happens.”

All I could do was smile “Fank you Auntie Dana”

“You’re most certainly welcome, angel”

My eyes got heavy as I finished the bottle, and I curled into Auntie Dana’s lap (as much as I could) and drifted off. I was awoke a little while later by a knock at the door. Mommy was here! Mommy was here! I smiled again. 

Auntie Dana must have picked up on it. “Looks like a certain little girl is happy that her Mommy’s here, isn’t she?” 

I smiled and nodded. 

She got up and went and opened the door. “Hi Beth! Come in! We just finished a bottle, and I was going to change her before I sent her back home; no, no, you’ve had a long day, you don’t need another thing to do, I don’t mind.”

Mommy and Auntie Dana came around the couch, and I couldn’t hide my excitement. “MOMMMMY!!!!” I screamed with delight, wrapping my arms around her. 

“Oh honey, I missed you too, before we go, you need to go be changed. We’re going right to bed when we get home,” she told me. 

I nodded.

Auntie Dana went and grabbed a diaper and some wipes and layed out the changing pad. “Come here babygirl, let’s get you changed, and then it’s time to go home!” 

I went over and assumed the position. As Auntie Dana began the process of changing my dirty diaper, she filled Mommy in about the various things we’d done during the day, including the fingerpaints, the food, and the poopy diaper, but never really acknowledging me except to tease me playfully with the diaper and then getting me dressed. 

“And Beth, if you need a sitter for the foreseeable future, I’m more than happy to take your little Princess Padded Tushy here,” Auntie Dana smiled, “she’s a great playmate with Amelia and doesn’t cause any problems at all, other than the messy diapers,” she chuckled. 

‘I don’t want to put you out, but it’d be a great help,” Mommy told her. 

“Of course Beth, you’ve done the same for me before, so I really don’t mind repaying the favor.”

Finally she got me dressed, and helped me up. She went and grabbed some of the art work I’d made during the day, put it in my diaper bag, and handed it to Mommy. Mommy looked at me, and smiled.

“Well Princess, are you ready to go home?”

“Uh huh”

“Well, go give Auntie Dana some huggies (the irony) and a kissy on the cheek, and tell her you’ll see her tomorrow!”

I went to Auntie Dana, who opened her arms up for me. “Come here Princess,” and she engulfed me in a hug. “Thank you for such a wonderful day, I can’t wait to see you again tomorrow!” 

I finished the hug, and Auntie Dana pointed to her cheek. I gave her a sweet and short little baby kiss, and waddled back over to Mommy, who grabbed me by the hand. 

“Thank you so much again Dana, we’ll be seeing you tomorrow morning!” 

“No problem! See you then! Bye Beth, Bye Princess!” 

With that we were off. Mommy took me to the back of her SUV and buckled me in. I was happy to be back with Mommy, even if I’d had a lot of fun already. 

“It’s late honey, just sit back and enjoy the ride, Mommy is really happy that you had a great time and you were well-behaved at Auntie Dana’s. We’re going straight to bed once we get home; it’s late and I’ll give you a bath in the morning.”

We drove for a bit longer, and we were finally back home. Mommy took me up to my room, and stripped me down to my diaper. 

“Still pretty dry, it should hold up overnight”, she announced. She found a long pink shirt that must have been about 3X my size, and put it over me. It said “Girls Rule” on it, and really, after today, it was a sentiment that I definitely shared and could be proud of. It was anxiety filled, and even a bit traumatic at times, but it felt like I was headed in a good direction, even if that good direction involved pooping my pants and crying about it. She also gave me a pacifier, which I was only too happy to suck on. 

Mommy tucked me in, and kissed me on the forehead. “Goodnight Princess, I hope you have sweet dreams.”

“I wuv you too Mommy,” I lisped behind the pacifier. Mommy walked out and turned the light off, closing the door on her way out.

I began to drift off to sleep, still somewhat conflicted, but also finding happiness. I finally had the support system I’d been so painfully lacking in my prior life. I drifted off with a crack of a smile on my face. Poopy diapers and all, I was most definitely on the road to becoming Mommy’s Princess. 
 

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

Glad you all like the story. Here's the latest installment. 

XV. 

I figured that I might as well talk with Auntie Dana. She had offered, after all. So I told her, and kind of went through everything, even acknowledging the messy situation I’d found myself in when we’d previously met. To her credit, she kept a straight face through everything, even nodding as if she understood my plight.

“So…why the baby treatment? Why diapers? Is this comfortable for you?”

It took me a bit aback; I’d never really talked with Mommy about this, other than agreeing to partake in the regression therapy, and well, Auntie Dana was the first interaction I’d had without Mommy around after this treatment had started. She seemed like she meant well, and I was happy for the outlet.

“I’ll admit, I don’t know how I completely feel about it, or even what to think; I’d been having these bathroom incidents with wetting the bed, and then wetting at work, and then the few messy accidents that were more or less just that, accidents. We went to a doctor and apparently my muscles had atrophied for some unknown reason, so it just seemed like a natural fit I guess.”

“Well, that explains the diapering, and I can definitely understand it from your standpoint, and your Mommy’s, especially as a parent myself, you don’t want to be having poop and pee all over everything. 

But why the baby thing though?”

Again, outside of Mommy and Denise, I’d never delved into these things with anyone else, because, well, I really didn’t know how or why to explain my shortcomings growing up. So I told Auntie Dana allll about my thoughts on it.

“I guess I’m more unsure of it than the diaper thing, but you know, it kind of feels right, but at the same time, it feels maybe like something I should be embarrassed of. What 18 year old goes to college, and then turns back the clock 17 years after one year? People I know probably would think that I’d found my way into a bad stash of drugs and had fried my brain, but you know, it’s more than that. I just…I’ve always felt like I’ve been drifting through life, just a casual observer, and well, this makes more, immersive? Maybe I could learn some new things, maybe be a better person? I don’t know, I really don’t. It tears me up at times, but then there are times when I really feel like I’m doing the right thing.”

“So you’ve just been a drifting little soul this entire time, and then you met your Mommy?” 

“Well yeah, and really, it wasn’t like I was looking for an ‘adult’ in my life, she just was more or less someone who I really found interesting to talk to, and it was really just a random encounter. We ‘clicked’ in a lot of ways, but it wasn’t something romantic; I’m from a small town, you know, and her being incredibly intelligent and cultured, well, it was someone to have discussions with that I’d otherwise had never had in my life.” 

“But won’t you miss any of that, though?”

“Well, don’t judge, but really, my previous life existed of me getting high on marijuana, sitting on the beach, and doing associated things. I liked school, and probably will miss that a bit, but I feel like now, I kind of belong to something? Does that make sense?”

“Well of course it does. From what you’ve told me, you’ve had an unfilled hole for more or less most of your life, and you’ve been seeking something. From the looks of it, and the sounds of it, you’re fulfilling that missing piece, and really get to be yourself.”

“That’s most of it. After years of wandering, I kind of feel…safe? I guess? Does that make sense?”

“Yes, absolutely, and can I tell you something?”

“Of course Auntie Dana”

“Most of what you’ll come to find out is that what makes things fun for babies is that you’ll fall into a routine, and you’ll know what to expect most days. Your Mommy hasn’t had a baby since Sammy was little, and well, it’s going to take an adjustment period I’d think, but I can tell you, she’s over the moon that she’s got you to take care of. Work really consumed her life for a long time, and with Samantha getting older and being out of the house soon, you’ve kind of given her a new thing to look forward to….obviously, you’re seemingly happy with this, so while there’s going to be ups and downs, it will work out for the best.”

She continued (she really could talk), “I’m not the most religious person, but I think that sometimes people come into each other’s lives for a reason, and well, I think you and your Mommy found each other for a reason, and it seems like you’re both happy with it so far, so hopefully it keeps up.”

“I am really happy with it; I’m also really nervous, too, because well, it’s been quite a change, and it seems like it’s only going to change more,” I told her.

“You’d be correct with that, and you’ve got a lot of things that are going to be changing in the future, and honestly sweetie? It’s completely natural to be anxious to something like this, because like you said, it’s a real unknown, and the unknown is always scary for anyone, even me…yes, even adults get scared,” she laughed, “and don’t worry, I’ll show you that it’s not all that bad being a baby, you’ll have a lot of fun when you come hang with Auntie Dana if your Mommy is at work; if you like it here, I don’t mind watching you, especially because it gives Amelia someone to play with.”

I nodded. “Thanks for talking with me, I’m glad I got to tell someone about the things going on in my head.”

“You bet,” she told me.

“Now look, I’m going to keep you in baby mode starting now, but I just want to let you know that if you ever feel any need to talk, I’ll let you use your big girl words and talk with me. As far as I’m concerned, you’re my family now too, so if you’re ever having a tough time, and your Mommy is at work, or you just feel like you need someone else to talk to, please, please, please reach out to me, and we can have another ‘Girl’s Time’ discussion; you’re going through some giant steps in your life right now, and I realize that you may feel like you need to talk, so I want you to know that your Auntie Dana is always here, okay baby?” she told me, in a really comforting way. 

“Otay Auntie Dana, fank you,” I told her. 
 
“Of course, sweetie,” she replied.

“Now here’s how things will go, I’m just going to do everything the same between you and Amelia today…if I need to change her, I’ll change you at the same time, and you’ll both eat at the same time, take naps at the same time, and well, you get the point, you’re a baby, but you seem like a smart one,” she laughed, before asking,

“Do you need changed, honey?”

“Nuh-uh,” I told her. I was telling the truth, I hadn’t gone yet since I was at Auntie Dana’s, so it wasn’t like I was avoiding one, not that I could really get out of it anyway.

“Well, I’ll be checking you in a little bit, and we’ll take care of it if you need it, sound good?”

“Mm-hmm,” I told her. 

“Auntie Dana?”

“Yes sweetie?”

“I big giwl one more time?”

“Oh surrre,” she laughed, “what do you want to talk about?”

“Are you okay with changing my diapers? I’ll be honest, that’s been driving my anxiety today, and quite honestly, it makes me feel a bit like a burden,” I told her.

Her smile went to one of quasi-concern. “Now Jac-y, what would make you think that I wouldn’t?”

“Well, I would feel a little uneasy changing a bigger ‘baby’s’ diaper”, I told her.

“There’s your answer, you’re just a bigger baby,” she laughed, “Jac-y, I have a ton of experience changing diapers, and if I had a problem with it, well, you’d probably be somewhere else today, I told your Mommy that it was not problem at all…I’ve got two kids, I’m basically a professional at this point,” she chuckled.

“Is that your only concern?” she asked. 

“Yeah, it really is.”

“You’ve got nothing to worry about, it’s not something that bothers me at all. Now if you took your diapey off and pottied on Auntie Dana’s floor? Well, that’d probably get you in quite a bit of trouble….but changing a dirty diaper? You’re a baby, sweetie, it comes with the territory. I’ve seen enough poop and pee over the last few years that it’s second nature at this point, I probably should get a degree or a license in it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at a vision in my head of Auntie Dana with a “Professional Diaper Changer” business card.

“Is that funny sweetie, do you think Auntie Dana is the boss babysitter? The best at changing little stinky tushies?”

“Yes Auntie Dana,” I told her.

“Well, I guess it is funny, and Amelia would probably agree with you, now, do you want your binkie sweetie?”

I nodded. 

She went and got the diaper bag and pulled it out. “Wow, your Mommy really sent you prepared today, there’s a bunch of diapers, a spare outfit, some formula in a bottle, and everything a baby girl at her Auntie’s house would need!” she found the pacifier, and walked over to me, handing it to me. 

“Here you go, sweetheart,” she had such a warm smile, “Now back to baby time for you, thank you for talking with me today, I’m really glad you and your Mommy found each other!”  

“Tanks Auntie Dana,” I popped the binkie in my mouth. This was a different feeling, but I liked the relaxing nature of being able to suckle on the binkie, especially as I was still a little nervous about all of this thing. It was great to talk with Auntie Dana for a bit, even if it wasn’t the longest time, but I still had that feeling of anxiety that I couldn’t shake. Maybe once I got a diaper change it’d go away, or maybe once I started playing with Amelia.

“Okay then, let’s go see if Amelia is up, we’re going to have a lot of fun today,” she told me with a grin. 

We got up from the couch and started to walk upstairs. This was a very nice house and the walls were scattered with abstract and landscape paintings, and interspersed with pictures of Dana’s family, who were always smiles. If I grew up in this house, I probably would have been all smiles too. It was a marked contrast from the awkward family portraits I’d been apart of growing up. If nothing else was different on this whole journey, it seems that I’d stumbled onto a group of rather confident, and happy people. 

A hallway stretched upstairs with several doors on each side. There was a bathroom, which I wasn’t going to be using, and on either side of it were two doors. One door was open and had a bunked bed inside that was draped in pink sheets, among other posters for random cartoons and everything else. I assumed that it was Natalie’s room, and my suspicions were confirmed by a rather-regal looking “N” on the door. On the other side of the bathroom was another door with a rather cute “A” on it, and with the door closed, I assumed this was Amelia’s. Further cementing this belief is the fact that we both stopped in front of the door. 

As I got lost in my thoughts, I had a nagging thought in the back of my head. Pressure was building up in my bladder, and it’d been building for some time. I’d been having control problems lately, for sure, but the potential embarrassment that would come with a diaper change by not only someone who never had changed me, but also in front of others, well, that gave me a bit of unease. I was at a loss; I didn’t know how to proceed. Part of me was embarrassed to go through a diaper change with Auntie Dana, but the other part of me remembered what she’d told me earlier; I was just a “bigger baby” after all. It was taking all of what bladder muscles I had left to hold it in, sooner or later, that dam was going to burst. 

With all that in mind, I shrugged my shoulders, gave up control, and just let go, and dumped the San Francisco Bay in my diaper; I’d had a bit to drink already this morning and it was really moving its way through pretty fast. Luckily I had a diaper on, otherwise, it’d have been something that resembled Lake Superior on Auntie Dana’s floor. I don’t think she noticed, and if she did, it seemed that her thoughts were elsewhere, namely waking up Amelia.

“Shall we go in?” Dana asked.

“Yesh,” I told her, though I think it was ultimately a rhetorical question. 

She opened the door, revealing a sleeping Amelia. Like her sister’s room, this one was immaculately set-up, with a net of stuffed animals hanging in one corner, some drawers on one side, a changing table with a diaper pail next to that, and a lowered crib sitting on the floor. It looked like something you’d see out of a catalog. I had to give it to Dana, she really had style, that was for sure. No expenses were spared in either girl’s room. 

My thoughts were interrupted by a prodding on my bottom; I felt my blouse pulled up and my diaper pulled back, before it was finally grabbed on the front. 

“Looks like you’re not dry anymore and from the feel of it, you must have just gone,” she told me, “don’t worry, we’ll get you all clean, Amelia probably needs changing too.”

I could probably wait, I guess. I knew it was going to happen at some point, but I was glad that it seemed like I was going to get this out of the way, and that I could probably still wait a little bit. 

Dana gently tapped Amelia, who slowly opened her eyes. “Mommy?” she asked rather meekly.

“Good morning sweetie, it’s time to get up and have some breakfast. You have a visitor today, too,” she told her rather sweetly.

“Baby Jacwyn?” Amelia asked, sitting up.

“Yes, Baby Jaclyn’s mommy brought her over to play with you for the day, isn’t that just so exciting?” Auntie Dana started speaking in an overly-excited tone, one very appropriate for toddlers. 

“YAY! BABY JACWYN!” Amelia screamed, doing almost a sitting down happy dance, before looking at me. 

“Mommy, Jacwyn big girl?” she asked, pointing at me. 

“No, no, Jaclyn is a baby just like you, just a little taller,” she looked at me and winked. 

“Oh otay,” she smiled. 

“Let’s get you out of the crib, do you need to be changed?” Auntie Dana asked pointedly.

“Umm hmm” Amelia replied. 

“Well, I have to change Jaclyn too, so why don’t you two girls wait up here, and I’ll go grab her a diaper, and I’ll just change you both here, sound good?”

We obviously didn’t have any choice in the matter, so we both nodded.

“Well good, I’m glad you saw it my way, I’ll be right back, don’t you two move a muscle!” 

She ran out of the room, and Amelia looked at me.

“Do you wanna pway dowwies wif me? I haf wots of offur stuff too!” 

“Um, sure Amelia, dat sounds good,” I spoke behind my binky. 

Just as we were making our plans for the day, Auntie Dana showed back up, carrying a diaper, changing pad, and wipes, obviously ready to take care of Mommy business. 

“Okay, which one of you little girls wants to go first?” she asked. 

“Me Mommy! Me Mommy!” Amelia replied. 

“Well, Amelia it is, then!” Auntie Dana picked Amelia up and laid her on the changing table. She took out some clothes to get her dressed for the day. I guess it was best to probably take care of these two things at once. 

Auntie Dana made quick work of the diaper, rolling it up with the used wipes and putting a new diaper on before getting Amelia dressed, and helping her off the table. “Me-lia is…All Clean!” she said in a sing-song voice, before turning her attention to me. 

“Okay Jaclyn, it’s your turn. I don’t know if you’ll fit up here, so we’ll just change you down below, that sound good?” she asked, though I don’t know that she really expected an answer.

“Otay.” Was all I could reply. 

She laid the pad out, with the diaper and wipes on one side, and then patted it. “Come and lay down sweetie, this will just take a quick second and then I’ll leave you two to play.”

I did as I was told, and assumed the position. Auntie Dana expertly pulled down my leggings around my ankles, and off my feet, and then  popped my tapes off my diaper, and opened it. She moved it out of the way, and pushed my legs back towards my chest as she wiped my entire diaper area, teasing me the whole time about my “wet panties”. She unfolded the new diaper, and put me down on it, and taped it back up, and then had me stand up. 

“There we go, two dry girls, ready to take the world on, why don’t we bring your toys downstairs so that I can watch the two of you,” she told us. 

I stood there and looked on. “No weggings?” I asked. I did feel a little underdressed, especially given my outfits of the last few days. 

“No, not in the house, sweetie, it’s going to be easier for me to check you that way if you need a change,” Auntie Dana told me. 

Fair enough I thought. It actually did make a lot of sense. There was a wetness strip on the front, so that was easy enough to tell, and well, if I made a poopy, well, that wouldn’t be a hard check either. 

We grabbed some toys from Amelia’s room and headed downstairs. Dana put on a kids show in the background, I think it was Nick, Jr. with something on it, and we went about “playing”. It was a little weird for me; like I said, I’d never been around little kids before, and really, I didn’t know how to interact. I’d seen adults interact with little ones before, sure, but it wasn’t something I was necessarily accustomed to, nor was I really well equipped. In reality, it was just kind of awkward. Amelia had her pick of things, and we just kind of went to town. I got some Barbies out and made some noises in a pink convertible, and we made silly sounds and voices. 

Auntie Dana came out with a camera and started taking pictures of the two of us playing, “I really want to show Jaclyn’s mommy how well Jac-y is doing with her new friend today!”  After what seemed like a whole photo roll had been gone through, she went and put it back somewhere, before reemerging into the living room. 

“Well girls, lets get some breakfast for the two of you, I’ve made some special stuff for each of you that I think you’ll both like.”

We scooted into the kitchen, where a high-chair was setup, presumably for Amelia, as it was more geared for her size, and it had a plate of cut up fruit and some scrambled eggs on it. Next to that,  two other places were set. One had a plate with an omelet on it, and the other was what appeared to be a bunch of blended stuff, with a bottle of formula next to it. My spot, I assumed. It smelled good, certainly, but it definitely looked unappetizing. 

Auntie Dana must have caught my stare. “Honeybug, your mommy gave me instructions on your diet, and I made some stuff for you. It may not look the best, but I think it will be good, it beats the processed stuff they sell in the stores”, with a look that can be best described as a cross between a shrug and a smile.  

She added, “If you’re a good eater, I’ll let you have some of mine, too, I don’t know if I’ll eat everything.”

Didn’t sound like too bad of a deal, I supposed. This was my new reality, after all. I gave up my choice of food when I gave up control over my life’s affairs. 

“Since ‘Melia is getting to be a bigger girl, she’s going to eat, and I’ll feed you yours, so that’s why you’re next to me, you can’t eat this stuff with your fingers.”

I went and sat down, my diaper feeling like a pillow on the hard chairs. Certainly, diapers did have their drawbacks, but you couldn’t argue that the built-in cushion was one of them. Auntie Dana tied a bib around my neck, and began alternating eating her food with feeding me mine. When Auntie Dana went to eat hers, I alternated by taking drinks from the bottle. The formula was really, really unappetizing, and almost kind of bland. I guess it could have been worse, but as someone who had grown up chain-drinking Mountain Dew, things like this were never my favorite, though I can honestly say that I’d never been confused for a baby formula aficionado.

The food though? I can honestly say that I wasn’t the biggest fan of its texture, but it didn’t taste terrible. I’d assumed that it had some fruit and probably omelet mixed up in it, and like the formula, it probably could have been much worse. I imagined other pureed meals were in my future for the foreseeable future, and it was good to simply take the good with the bad. For her part, Auntie Dana shared some of her omelet with me, and well, that was really, really good. 

By the time that breakfast was over, I seemed to have colored glop all over my face, and Amelia had much the same kind of a mess on her tray, although it wasn’t as drastic as mine. Auntie Dana grabbed some baby wipes (which seemed to be located in every room of the house), and wiped my hands and face down, and then let Amelia off and did the same with her tray. She told us to go on and play, and we went back to doing what we’d been doing. 

As awkward as it had initially been, I felt like I was hitting my groove. We played for another few hours, and by that time, I think that both Amelia and I were in drastic need of a diaper change. She smelled a bit, and me, well, I was wet again. To be honest, I hadn’t really thought of it, I’d been so engrossed in playing that I just kind of let go as I went for the morning. I noticed Amelia grunting a bit, it seemed to be a universal sign amongst all of the toddlers and babies I’d been around (which admittedly was very few), but she kept on playing too. 

Soon, Auntie Dana came in, diapers in hand. “Well, it sure smells like someone here left a present for me, which one of you cuties is it?” 

Neither of us spoke, and just kind of stared awkwardly. 

“Well, I guess I’m going to have to check, then aren’t I?” she commented, “Jac-y, why don’t you come over here real quickly, did you make a stinky for your Auntie Dana?”

I blushed, “nuh uh” was about all I could say. 

“Well, let me check just to make sure,” she told me, and then proceeded to hike up my blouse, pulling out the back to look down. 

“Nope, not stinky, it looks like you’re pretty soaked though, so we’ll take care of that in just a short bit.”

“That means…Aaaameelia, did you make a stinky present for Mommy?”

“Nuh uh, it Jacwyn,” Amelia teased. 

“Are you saying that Jac-y pooped and put it in your diaper?”

“Yeah Mommy, yeah!”

“Let’s just check,” Auntie Dana was having a good time with this, and with a quick check of Amelia’s diaper, it was obvious what she’d done. 

“Well now it seems like we have the poopy culprit here, yes we do!” Auntie Dana said sweetly. 

“Let’s change you two girls out of your dirties and then we can go do something else fun,” she told us. 

“Otay” we both said in unison. 

Auntie Dana motioned for us, “C’mere, let’s get you changed”

She laid us both down next to each other, and changed my diaper first, and then had me lay there while she finished changing Amelia’s dirty diaper. At that point, I had never felt so little. Here I was, having my diaper changed, and then had to lay down while the toddler I was playing with had much of the same thing done. It was kind of comforting, I guess. I didn’t have a care in the world at this point, and it was nice just to have my bottom dry again. I’m sure Amelia was glad to be out of hers, too. 

“Well girls, you need to leave your toys here, and I’ve got some fun for us to do, do you know what it is?”

We both kind of stared like deer looking at an oncoming car.

“Fingerpaints!” Dana told us. 

Really, Dana was probably the best parent that a little kid could have. She was so energetic, so happy, and just really tried to make things fun for everyone. I’m sure there were some trying moments, as there usually are, but she seemed to really embrace this role as a mom and quite frankly, she was as good a babysitter as anyone could have, too. 

Auntie Dana stripped us both down to our respective diapers, and had us go to the table, where she’d set up a whole station of things. 

“Now I want you both to make some pretty pictures for me and for Jac-y’s Mommy, go on and paint your masterpieces.”

I sat there, not knowing what really to do or paint. Should I do something kind of un-baby-like, or should I just go crazy with lines and lots of other oddball things? I chose the latter. It honestly was a riot; I loved art as it was, and to be able to really let my little creative juices flow made it that much more enjoyable. By the end of the time, I’d come up with some things that could have resembled, fish, powerlines, or anything else that a person well-versed in symbolism may have interpreted as some sort of sign or something. 

We both had our fun, though I don’t think that Auntie Dana took any joy in having to clean the mess up. There was paint everywhere, on the table, on us, on the paper, on the floor; we’d really done a number. I saw why she had stripped us down to our diapers; there would have been a lot of paint smears and stains on everything else. 

Once she was done cleaning us up, she let us go outside and play in their back yard, and then go lunch ready. 

The back yard was great; it reminded me of a forest in the middle of affluent suburbia. There were big trees, lots of plants, and a great swing set and playhouse that was obviously for both Natalie and Amelia. Amelia and I went down the slides, ran through the trees, watched the birds, and got all of our excess energy out just by running. The cool and crisp air felt nice on my bare legs, and though I fell on my bottom a few times, it was obviously cushioned from the falls. 

Soon, Auntie Dana appeared outside, “It’s lunch time girls!” 

We both stopped what we were doing, though Amelia was a little defiant about it. I knew better than to cross someone, especially a babysitter, and I went ahead in. Amelia pouted about not wanting to come back inside, but after a few (seemingly) idle threats by Auntie Dana, Amelia came in too. 

Once again, I had the pleasure of some pureed food, this time macaroni, cheese and hot dogs, and Amelia got to eat the solid versions. Auntie Dana had an appetizing looking salad, and just like the morning, took it upon herself to feed me while she ate as well. She was very adept at it; her multi-tasking skills seemed unparalleled, other than maybe Mommy’s. The one bright spot about this lunch though was that I got to drink a baby bottle filled with the juice that Mommy liked to buy for me; she’d sent over some for me to drink during the day, and honestly, it gave me a nice break from the pureed mush that I was eating.  Just like the morning, Amelia and I both made messes that were cleaned up by a dose of baby wipes. 

Once we were finished, Auntie Dana had us go play for a little more while she cleaned up the mess at the table. After probably 10 minutes, she came into our play space and announced that it was time for a nap. 

“Let me check both your diapers before I put you down.”

She checked, and though I was a little wet, she didn’t think it was necessary to change me yet, though she did change Amelia again. 

“I’m going to take Amelia up to her crib to lay her down, and if you don’t mind, I’ll get you a pillow and a blanket and you can rest on the couch if you’d like,” she told me.

What was I going to say? “That sucks?” 

“Otay Auntie Dana,” I told her. 

I figured that this nap time would probably give Auntie Dana a much-needed break to do some adult things, catch up on TV, read a book or something; she’d been going 90 miles an hour all day between dealing with Amelia and I. We’d all win here, and we’d all get some rest. It was good for someone like Auntie Dana, who obviously loved being a mom, to get some adult time outside of the kid realm once in a while; I’m sure that she looked forward to this part of the day every day, although not in a bad way. 

She took Amelia upstairs, and then came back down with a pink Disney Princess blanket and a pillow, before popping a binkie in my mouth, and grabbing my hand to take me to the couch.

“Why don’t you come over here and lay down for a few hours? When you both wake up, we can go pick Natalie up from school, she’s really excited to see you.”

I nodded, and got on the couch, laying my head on the pillow. I really was tired; the anxiety had caught up to me, and though all of my fears had been quelled, my brain working overtime didn’t help matters. As I sucked on my pacifier, my eyes got heavier and I felt some pee trickle into my diaper. I was curious to see what the rest of the afternoon would bring. I’d certainly been uneasy about this whole thing this morning, but you know what? It hadn’t been too terrible. A little awkward at first, yes, but I figured I’d kind of gotten the hang of it. I fell asleep with a smile on my face, things kind of seemed like they were right.  
 

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

While I was happy about my situation with Beth (it was going to take a lot of getting used to, though), I didn’t sleep well that night. Initially, I fell asleep, but I kept waking up in intervals. At one point, I woke up and really had to pee. It seemed that the bottle I’d had before bed had finally made its way through my system. I, of course, wasn’t going to get out and go to the potty, that was off-limits, so I did what any baby in my shoes would have done and simply peed in my diaper. That’s what it was there for, right?

Initially, the warm feeling around my waist felt a little reassuring and even a little relaxing. I liked the feelings of freshly-peed diapers, but I knew that this wasn’t going to last; I had a short window I could go to sleep before that warmth started feeling cold and itchy. I tried going back to sleep, but every time I did, I was jolted awake. Most of it was anxiety about the next morning, I think. I’d only met Dana once, and even though I think she knew I had some issues, I wasn’t entirely sure how she was going to react to my new “status”. I know Be..I mean Mommy and her were really good friends, but how good of friends were they? I assumed it was going to be a little awkward, but that whole feeling of uncertainty was just something that was really, actually keeping me awake that night. Probably nothing was going to come of this, but you know, it really was keeping me up. The fact that my diaper was getting colder and itchier by the minute didn’t help, either. I did what best I could with the situation, and tried my hardest to fall asleep.

I guess I fell asleep at some point, because I was awoken by the sun breaking through the curtains in my room. I could hear activity around my room; I assumed Mommy must have been getting ready for work. Since my new status required me to be a baby, I figured I’d just stay here until she came. There really wasn’t anything that I was interested in doing at this point in the morning, anyway. The nerves had really overtaken me last night, and with the time coming so soon, I didn’t know really what to expect. Mommy had told me she’d take care of everything, and while I did trust her, I just didn’t know what to expect. 

Adding to my anxiety was something that was common when I got anxious, and that was an overwhelming need to go poop. There were countless times in my life where an extreme bout of anxiety was followed by an extreme bout of diarrhea, and this seemed like one of those moments. Like last night again, there really was no way out, so I did what any typical toddler girl would do, and that was simply pooping in my diaper. It seemed ready to come out, so an initial push just opened up the floodgates, and I went from there. What was once cold and itchy now was warm again and mushy. My entire backside felt like it was covered in warm poop, stretching all from the front of my diaper all the way to the back. It felt nice to have it out, as if a weight had been lifted, but, well, it was what it was, still poop in my pants. I could have cried, but I just decided to pretend like I was asleep and wait it out. Sooner or later, Mommy was going to come. 

Finally, just like I thought she would, I heard steps, followed by the door opening, with Mommy on the other side. 

“Gooood morning sweet baby girl, how did Mommy’s little princess sleep last night?”

I opened my eyes. “Guu Mommy, buh I ty-ed,” I told her, rubbing my eyes. 

“That’s natural honey, even Mommy is tired this morning, it really came around fast! I’m sure Auntie Dana will put you down for a nap at some point, so you should catch up on your little tireds before then!” 

She seemed cheery this morning; maybe it was just the idea of being able to finish whatever it was she’d been working on. I wasn’t going to ask, because, well, I really wasn’t expecting to. 

“Let’s get your diaper changed and you ready for your big fun day with Auntie Dana! I called her last night, and she’s excited to have you over, yes she is, yes she is!”, Mommy spun a baby sentence, tickling me a little bit. 

I couldn’t help but giggle, it was nice being loved, even if this situation was a little odd.

Mommy went over to get a new diaper, some wipes, and a changing pad out, setting them down on the floor and setting it up for what was going to be my first diaper change of the day. 

“Come here and lay down sweetie, Mommy needs to clean your stinky little bottom, don’t think Mommy didn’t notice that when she came in,” she laughed. 

I did as I was told, got up, and walked over to where Mommy had laid out everything, and laid down on the changing pad. Mommy arranged it a little better under my diapered bottom so there wouldn’t be any bad messes on the floor. 

Always the expert, Mommy pulled back my shirt, and then opened up my diaper, the smell probably hitting both of our nostrils simultaneously. 

“Phhhhewwww, you are a stinky little princess this morning!” Mommy exclaimed, “you really left a nice present for me!” 

“I ‘tinky Mommy, I ‘tinky!” I lisped through the pacifier.

“You certainly are little girl, who knew that such a cute little princess could make such big stinky messies for her Mommy?” 

She pulled out a handful of wipes and went to work on my entire diaper area. From the amount of time and the amount of stentch, it was obvious that it was one of Mommy’s biggest jobs to date. The cool wipes felt so nice along my bottom though, it was so nice to have that nasty itchiness out from me, and it really felt so nice to be clean. I figured this is why real babies were generally happy after diaper changes. 

After what seemed like a stink-filled eternity, Mommy finally got the new diaper on me and all set up. She went over and picked out some new clothes for me. She picked out a cute spotted blouse with a pair of leggings that went on underneath. There were some cute shoes to match. She wasted no time in helping me put it on, and then took a few barrettes in my lengthening hair, and made me look, I guess you could say, cute. 

“There you go hon, all cute and ready for Auntie Dana this morning, go look in your mirror,” Mommy told me. 

I went and looked. I was shocked at what I saw. I figured I’d still have some of my boyish features, which I did, but I have to say that I really felt like I was playing the part of a 9 month old baby girl. The puff from my waist was obvious, but Mommy had made my hair look cute, and really had done me up well. Maybe this wasn’t going to be such a hard thing to pull off, and I hadn’t even started on any medical stuff yet!

“Wook good Mommy,” I told her in my best babyish voice.

“You sure do, babygirl, let’s go downstairs and get some num-nums, and then we’ll be able to head out,” Mommy told me, taking me by the hand out of the room. 

We went down to the kitchen and I sat in a chair by Mommy. Today, she’d gone ahead and picked out some mashed up bananas and other pureed fruit. It kind of looked good actually, but I worried about the havoc it would likely wreak on my bowels later, and really really hoped that if the expected result happened, it’d happen when Mommy was at work, not at Auntie Dana’s. I really really didn’t want to have a poopy diaper there today, it’d be too embarrassing. 

“Open up wide princess,” Mommy motioned to me with a spoon full of puree. I complied. What else was I going to do? I didn’t want Mommy’s potential wrath over something that I wasn’t going to get out of. 

The spoon went in my mouth, and quite honestly, it wasn’t the worst tasting thing in the world. Very sweet, and very fruity. One by one, the spoon went from my mouth to the bowl Mommy had made, and back to my mouth again. As the spoonfuls went in, the mass lowered and lowered until it was finally done. 

“All gone!” Mommy said in a sing-song voice, “You are just such a good eater Princess, Mommy is so proud of you!”

The babyish tone made me blush. It hadn’t been too long into this new world I found myself in, and really, I got embarrassed every time she (or anyone) talked to me like that. 

Before I could finish my thoughts, a cool baby wipe rolled succinctly across my mouth, clearing out any residue from the fruit that might have been left behind. The smell was overpowering; it made me feel even more babyish. 

“Hands too, babygirl,” Mommy added, “we can’t have you a bit sticky icky mess for Auntie Dana this morning, can we?” she smiled. 

I put my hands out and Mommy went over them in a very thorough manner. I guess that’s what you get for having an attorney for a Mommy; even the little details are never lost. 

After I was clean, Mommy let me out of the high chair and had me go play in the living room a bit while she finished getting ready. I found some blocks to play with, and started stacking them up in a giant tower. No matter how high I’d try to make the tower though, it kept plopping down. Just as I was about to become disinterested, I felt a touch on my back.

“Ok sweetie, it’s time to put your blockies away, Mommy has to get to a meeting and we still have to take you to Auntie Dana’s,” Mommy told me. 

Soon, the blocks were away. I should say that I didn’t clean up, it was all Mommy; I think she was focused on the time element, I think I could have done it myself. She finished, took me by the hand, and on the way out the door, plucked *my* diaper bag off the kitchen table.

“Wouldn’t want to forget this, would we? Auntie Dana might have a hard time figuring out what to do with your little bottom,” Mommy chuckled. 

With that, we were out the door. We made our way to Mommy’s car, and I was buckled into my car seat. It was a big one, a nice plush one, and I had no idea where she’d gotten this stuff at. I lamented to myself that I could have been fine in a regular seatbelt, but safety first, I guess! 

As we drove towards Auntie Dana’s house, I increasingly got anxiety. So far, the only person to really change my diapers with any frequency was Mommy, and I was unsure how I really felt about having someone else doing it. I’d met Dana before, but really, she was still kind of a stranger. She was nice, and I enjoyed her demeanor last time we met, but still, I just was unsure about it all. I knew that, given Mommy’s long work schedule, I was almost certain to use my diapers during the day, and I couldn’t simply hold it in. Poopies? Yes, I could manage to hold that, but my bladder would explode if I didn’t go, and besides, I’d been having so much trouble controlling that, it was a dead certainty that would be changed today. 

Mommy must have caught on to my silence. “Honey, you’re so quiet back there, what’s wrong? Normally you have ten million things to comment on, or to tell Mommy about.”

“I ne-vous Mommy,” I told her, “Auntie Dana see my dia-pews”

“Oh honey, you’re going to be in great hands with Auntie Dana,” she smiled at me, “I’ve already gone over the drill with her, and she’s really excited to have you at the house; the two girls are too,” she told me. 

“And don’t worry about the diapers, she’s changed a million of them between her two girls over the years, it’s like second nature by this point,” she finished.

“Otay Mommy, fank yew” I told her through my pacifier. I felt a bit better, I guess, but it was still a lingering thought in the back of my head. 

There was one thing that kept rolling back in forth in my head. I had just pooped that morning, however, in the course of my anxieties about this new arrangement, that dread had been forming itself into a potential poopy in the pit of my stomach, which had already sent some into my diaper earlier that morning. Even though I’d met Dana, and I knew she was nice (at least the time we met), I still didn’t know what to expect. I hadn’t lost control of my bowels (at least I didn’t think I had), and I figured I could keep it held all day, at least until Mommy picked me up from work. I’d had experience previously in my other life, as I had a real fear of public toilets, and if I’d gone out to somewhere unfamiliar with public toilets,  well, I’d always managed to hold it in until I got to more familiar territory. 

I sat in silence, once again taking in the beauty of this area; it never really got old for me. I liked to look at the plants, the blue street signs, and the various architecture in the area. I didn’t think it’d ever get old, and quite frankly, I hoped it never would. Plants and animals and houses really interested me, even if I was now playing the part of a diapered infant. I’d hoped that Mommy would be able to take me to a zoo or something at some point, or at least one of the aquariums around here. I’d heard the one in Monterey was nice, and even if I was basically a baby at this point, I didn’t care because I’d be so happy to see some really cool animals that the sight of me to people wasn’t something that really would register. 

The drive dragged on for seemingly an eternity, before we finally pulled up in front of a white 1950s mid-century modern house surrounded by a green lawn and a few trees. The house was well-kept and fairly affluent, which I guess was reflective of the area surrounding it. This must be Aunt Dana’s house, I figured. As we pulled into the driveway, the anxieties built up in my stomach. I hadn’t seen her since that night in the baseball stadium, and though I guess I pooped my pants then, this new setup I currently found myself in was a whole new ballgame. I hoped that she’d be ok with this all, but given the peculiarities of it all, there was no telling of her reaction. I was in the middle of it, and I still was a little apprehensive. 

The car stopped, and Mommy looked back and smiled. “We’re here, Princess,” and then unbuckled her seatbelt, and got out of the car. I guess this was it; if I hadn’t stepped out of my comfort zone fully with the ongoing treatment, this represented the ultimate crossing of my own private Rubicon. There was no telling how things were going to go, but I was going to experience something rather unfathomable just a few weeks prior. I swear that time slows down, and really, this was no different; just as the drive over seemed like it took forever, so too did Mommy’s walk around the car. 

My stone-faced stare outside of the window was finally interrupted by Mommy’s shadow standing over me. The time had come, I supposed, and I’d soon see what the future would hold for me. In many ways, I considered this a bit of a “watershed” moment in the course of everything. This was the first place that I was going to be as a “baby” outside of a few exceptions that had previously happened, and Dana was going to be the first person other than Beth…I mean Mommy that was going to be changing my diapers. I probably could try to hold everything, but what would be the point? It’s not like there was some sort of potty-training going on that I’d be rewarded with “being dry”, and as I’d previously agreed, I was going to be in diapers for the foreseeable future. With this in mind, I figured out that I’d might as well just take anything and everything in stride, and the various variances that could be a bit awkward would probably be decided and talked about between the adults, a group which I was no longer apart. 

Deep down, the other nagging anxiety that I had was the interactions that I was going to be having with Dana’s two daughters, who I’d previously met. They were nice before, but our respective status’ back then were both different. When we’d previously interacted, I was one of those “adults” (even though I’d gone potty in my pants, which they knew about), and now I was likely going to be considered at a level lower than even Amelia, who was currently 2 and still in diapers (as far as I knew). I did wonder what would happen, especially in regards to Natalie; at 8 she was old enough to have remembered me from before, and I did wonder what she would say (or act like) to me after all of this had unfolded. Not to mention, Dana had a husband; it was awkward enough between Dana and her daughters, I didn’t know where that was going to end up, though I guess there was going to be lots of time to sort all of this out, right? 

The door opened up, and I heard Mommy’s sing-song voice coming out of her sweet smile. “C’mon Princess, let Mommy get you unbuckled, and we’ll get you all in and situated for your day of play at Aunt Dana’s!”

I obediently complied. To be honest, I did have a bit of liking for this treatment, and though I was unsure of the road it was going to lead me down, part of me was somewhat curious to see just how far it would go. Mommy unbuckled my seatbelt, took my diaper bag across her shoulder, and held her hand out for me to follow. I grabbed Mommy’s hand, rather tightly, and began making my walk of uncertainty to the front door. If I could have slowed time down here, I would have, though I knew that there was no possible way that I was getting out of this. As my later self would probably tell me, it’s something I would get used to; Auntie Dana was going to be my babysitter a lot in the coming weeks, months, and even years, and I would grow to adore her and her kids about as much as I did Mommy. She’d change a lot of my diapers, give me a lot of bottles, while also providing a lot of love and support as I continued my downward journey. AT this particular moment though? As we approached the front door, I was full of pure panic, pure anxiety, and…

“Beth! Aaaand Jaclyn? Is that you? Your Mommy has made you so pretty!”, the door had opened and we were both greeted by Auntie Dana’s smiling face. For someone who was going to be changing what was basically an adult’s diapers and basically taking care of them as if they were a one-year old baby, well, she sure had a cheery outlook on life, if she could be this happy about this. I know that if the scripts were flipped, well, I’d be a bit dour, but I guess that’s why things are the way they are? 

“Jac-y, sweetie, what do you tell Auntie Dana?” Mommy prodded me, interrupting my thought process. 

“Fank you Auntie Dana,” I told Auntie Dana, blushing a bit. Like I said, I’d eventually get used to this, but for now, it was a bit much to take in. 

“Care to come in? Or are you in a hurry?” Dana asked Mommy. 

“In a bit of a hurry, but, I guess I could stop in for a few minutes to get the little one situated, but I’ve got a busy day ahead of me,” Mommy told Dana. 

“Sure, absolutely! You both just missed Philip, he had to head to LA for a few days for work, and he dropped off Natalie at school, I know they were both sad they had to miss you coming over!” Dana chided with a little humor. 

I breathed a bit of a sigh of relief. My potential forms of anxiety were both gone for right now, and it seemed like I’d be able to get a little bit of an acclimation period, at least. Amelia was still here, and at least I’d have someone to play with, I guess. Maybe Auntie Dana would let me have some adult conversation, though if she and Mommy had already talked, I was sure that it was probably out of the question. 
We followed Auntie Dana in; I gazed in amazement at her house. It had such a sweet smell in it, and it was immaculate inside. Sure, there were signs that there were kids who lived here, like some of the toys scattered around some of the initial parts of the house, and a few things here and there, but by and large, it looked like something out of Better Homes and Gardens. If Mommy and Auntie Dana were indicative over how this part of the world lived, well, I’d been missing out for most of my life in rural-topia. 

“Why don’t you put the baby’s diaper bag over there on the couch, and I’ll take care of it,” Dana told Mommy, “no real need to explain anything with it, I’m pretty well versed in those things,” she laughed. 

Mommy and Auntie Dana talked for a few more minutes, mostly boring small-talk about the goings on at work, I guessed. Wasn’t anything that really had any big ramifications for me, I assumed, or else someone would have looked or said something. 

I looked around and casually interrupted, “A-mee-wee-ah here?” I asked behind my pacifier.

“Oh yes, she’s still sleeping, she woke me up a few times last night thinking it was fun to have a stuffed animal party in her room, so I’m sure she’s still a little pooped,” Dana told me. 

“Otay, I can’t way-t to pway wif her”, I told Dana. In reality, I was still a little unsure, but I wanted to put on as good a face as any. 

“Oh and she is just too excited to play with another baby girl too,” Auntie Dana told me. 

“Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s time for me to jet to work, I’ve got a lot to take care of today,” Mommy told us. 

“Oh of course, well, your little one will be in great hands today, “ Dana told her.

“Don’t I know it,” Mommy laughed, “You were always so good to Samantha when she was younger, and when I needed a babysitter today, I knew you’d be just the person I’d ask,” Mommy told her. 

“I’ll probably be working a little late tonight, so I might be picking her up late, If that’s alright with you, “Mommy told Dana. 

“Absolutely, we’ll probably give her a bath and dinner by the time you come, and I’m sure she’ll have a great time watching some movies with the girls later,” Dana told Mommy.

Mommy came over and kissed me on the forehead, “Have a wonderful day, Princess, Mommy will be here to pick you up before you know it; I’m sure you’ll have an awesome day with Auntie Dana, Amelia, and Natalie!”

“Bye Mommy,” I was still a little apprehensive.

“Have a good one Dana, and just call me if you need anything, or if anything happens,” Mommy told Dana. She closed the door and walked out. I looked out the window and saw her get in her car. She must have seen me, and she blew me a kiss before she drove off. 

Dana came and patted me on the shoulder. “You’re in good hands baby, you’re going to have a great day today, I can definitely ensure you that.”

“I…” I started, but realized that I was going to talk like an adult, 

“Oh, if you want to tell me anything, I won’t tell your Mommy you talked like an adult,” Dana laughed. “You’ll have plenty of time to be a baby from the sounds of it.”

“I’m here for you too, your Mommy and I have been friends forever, and I’m here to support you as much as anything, so before Amelia gets up, why don’t you feel free to fill your Auntie Dana in about how things have gone, this will be your free pass, I’m probably as curious as you are apprehensive…”

She smiled at me, I figured that this was a good chance to still talk.

“Well…” I started.
 

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

XIII.

It was at this moment just how much I realized things were changing. Here I was, walking into Beth...I mean Mommy’s kitchen, clad in only a t-shirt and a diaper, along with some fuzzy pink socks. It was a little cold, but nothing terrible, and I guess it was something that I’d better be getting used to. 

“Now hon, I don’t have a high chair yet, that’s another thing we’ll have to be ordering, so why don’t you just go ahead and sit out in the dining room? I’ll be out in just a second with your food.”

“Ok, I’ll be there,” I told her. 

So I waited. In the midst of my waiting, I began to get lost in my thoughts. This was all really overwhelming for me. I’d agreed to this, sure, but I guess I wasn’t altogether prepared for the massive changes that were taking place. Yesterday, I was employed as an intern, was a college student, and now, I’m sitting here in a shirt and a diaper, waiting for a woman I’d met on the Internet that I was now to call “Mommy”, bringing me food to eat. It was all really strange, and I didn’t know how I’d gotten to this point. It couldn’t be worse or any stranger than the rest of my life had been to this point, but still, I couldn’t help but think about how strange it was. 

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a blender, followed by a few more things. I wondered what was going on. My thoughts were soon answered, as Mommy reappeared carrying a bowl and what looked to be a baby’s bottle. 

“Ok hon, here’s a puree that I’ve made. I’m not a big fan of the processed baby food, and I never used it for Samantha, so I’m not going to start with you. There are just so many potential issues I feel like, and I figure you might want to be eating what I eat, albeit in a different form, so here it is. I’ve made you a mix of vegetables and rice, all blended up. You’ll have milk in this bottle to drink, too.”

I began to object, “But..”

“But nothing Jaclyn, you’re going to be eating this, or else you’ll have nothing else. You’ve agreed to this, and part of it is me choosing how and what you’ll be eating, no if’s and’s, or definitely, but’s about it.”

I sighed. She was right I guess. 

“Now let’s eat, shall we?” 

Reluctantly, I agreed. There was no real use fighting this, I supposed. Mommy took out a bib and wrapped it around my neck, taking a seat next to me. The bib said “Mommy’s Messy Girl” on it, and was colored in pink and purple. I did like the color combination. The food? It was a greenish-brown mix that looked really unappetizing, but it smelled pretty good, I guess. Mommy was really a good cook, and while I did like the “adult” food I’d been eating here, I guess this was going to be the new normal. I wondered what was going to happen when we went out somewhere, would she just bring something from home for me? I guess that’d have to sort itself out.

Mommy took out the spoon and put it towards my mouth. “Open up little one, time to eat, let’s land that airplane!”

I opened my mouth, and it sailed in. What else was I going to do? Fighting it was only going to cause problems, and I did agree to this whole thing, for better or worse. 

As it went in my mouth, I have to admit I gagged a little bit, I just didn’t like the texture. I’d never particularly liked anything like this, and it really had a texture like mashed potatoes, which I absolutely loathed. The taste itself wasn’t terrible, but was kind of bland, but the texture, it was just.

“Uhhhgggg,” was the noise I made. 

“You need to eat little girl, time for another spoonful,” Mommy told me. True to her word, there went another spoonful into my mouth, some of it spilling onto my chin and onto my bib. I guess Mommy knew what she was doing when she put me on that. 

The pattern continued until thankfully, finally, the bowl of mush was eaten. It wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever eaten, even if the texture was abysmal, but I’d have to say that it wasn’t exactly on my favorites. 

“Good girl, now let’s get you cleaned up, just sit there for a minute while Mommy goes and gets something to clean you with.”

So I waited, almost a bit traumatized, a little shaken, and definitely, well, just feeling out of sorts. It was a strange sensation, sitting here in just a diaper and a shirt, having just been fed what was basically baby food, and now waiting to be cleaned. I didn’t know what to do or think. I just kind of rolled with it, I guess. 

Mommy reappeared a short time later, carrying a case of baby wipes. “Let’s clean your face and hands, and then we can go pick out some cute stuff for your little cute tushie!” she said in a sing-song voice. 

True to her word, she pulled them each out one-by-one, cleaning the entirety of my face, and of my hands. As it went over my face, I couldn’t help but think at how babyish it smelled, and how babyish it made me (I guess) smell and feel. After a few quick wipes, Mommy had me all clean. 

As I stood up, I emptied the contents of my bladder into the diaper. There was no use in holding it, nor was there any chance that I was going to have to “run to the potty”, so it went where it was going to go for the foreseeable future, into my diaper. 

Naturally, it puffed up between my legs, and I walked to the living room, going to wait on the couch for Mommy while she cleaned up. I curled onto the couch, the cool feel of the leather once again feeling a little strange against my bare legs. After a bit of time, Mommy reappeared in the doorway, carrying a laptop computer, and walking over to the couch somewhat separately from where I was t, and then patting the side of where she was at. 

“Come over here, and snuggle with Mommy,” she told me. 

I did as I was told. This wasn’t something I’d ever consider fighting; the closeness was too enjoyable for me. 

When I sat down, she opened the computer. “I really want you to be comfortable in these new surroundings, and though I probably will just be buying stuff for you in the future based on my own preferences, I want to involve you in it this time, just to get everything off the ground, sound good?”

“Yeah, that sounds good,” I told her.

“Well Denise gave me a few places to look for clothes and furniture for you, and it seems that there’s actually a bigger market out there than I think anyone ever imagined. Let’s go take a look,” Beth..I mean Mommy…told me. 

She logged on to a website specializing in these things, and we immediately began to peruse the site together. I’d never imagined there were so many cute options out there, and I began to immediately point at things I’d like, which included dresses, onesies, and other sorts of things in-between. It was a bit of retail therapy that functioned as a bit of chicken soup for my weary soul. 

We went through some other things, like picking out an adult-sized changing table, a crib, and everything else necessary for transforming my room into what I imagined would become an oversized baby’s nursery. It made me giddy with excitement, if not a little anxious and worried about the coming transformation my life was about to become. 

Pretty soon, Mommy had picked out everything necessary, adding a few things she thought would look cute, and then put them in the online cart, and then ordered them. They’d be here in a few days, and it felt like an almost approaching Christmas or birthday party that was heading my direction. 

“Now let’s go change that diaper, sweetie,” she didn’t bat an eyelash.

“Huh? How did you know?” I asked rather dumbfounded.

“Honey, Mommies know these things, and besides, I saw how droopy your diaper was when you walked out of the kitchen, and it’s felt super poofy on my ever since. We’ll go get you changed, and then you can take a nap; I’ve got some things to take care of, and you’ve had a big day so far.”

I couldn’t disagree with her there. It would feel nice to be in a new diaper, and I was a bit tired, if not overwhelmed. 

“C’mon baby, let’s go to your room,” she stood up and held her hand out. 

I immediately took it, and we walked upstairs together. I guess I waddled a bit, but I still made my way up there fairly easy.

When we got up the stairs, Mommy laid my new changing pad out and put it on the bed. “Ok princess, time to get your pee pants changed,” she told me, patting the bed. 

I immediately went over and laid down. Mommy opened my diaper up and made quick work of it, putting a new one on me in rather quick motion. I was surprised at how quick it took. Mommy threw away the diaper in my diaper pail and began to walk out before stopping. 

“Ok, Mommy needs to go make a few phone calls, you need to get a few hours of sleep, I’ll be in in a little while to get you,” Mommy smiled, kissing me on the head before walking out. 

I’d fallen asleep quite quickly, the feel of a snug dry diaper wrapped around my waist made me feel strangely..comforted. It was true, I’d been stressed out forever, even before the recent events that had sent me on this strange trajectory, but I felt at this point that I guess I was finally comfortable and, well, safe. I suppose I didn’t have much to worry about in the near (or even distant) future, and all of that created just one giant balloon to lift all of the burdens I’d been feeling clean off of my shoulders. I didn’t know what the future would bring, but I was glad I was living in this house, at this time, in this moment. 

I drifted off to sleep and had some strange dreams about being locked in an elevator on the 10th floor of some ultra-modern highrise, Jennifer Lopez giving some talk down below in a giant atrium surrounded by plants, and water. It was a really strange dream, and it just delved further and further into strangeness, until I was in a locked room that I couldn’t get out of. In a mild panic, I woke up, sweating bullets. Was I still in the locked room? 

Nope. I was suddenly overcome with relief. It was the same old room I’d gone to sleep in, I was still under a blanket, and yep, well, there was still a diaper on my waist. It felt a little warm, so I imagined that I’d peed in it during my nap. Not wanting to really get out of bed yet, I decided to curl up on my side with the blanket over my head. The warmth, the cocoon-ness of the blanket that I’d wrapped myself in, I felt so nice. 
Looking out the window, I could see that it was still either the afternoon or the early evening, from what I could tell. I was never much for telling time though, so it could have been in the next morning from all what I could tell. I was all alone in my thoughts, when suddenly, I heard a telltale “click’; my door was opening. It was Beth..I mean Mommy! She had a big smile on her face. 

“Hey there babygirl (this was going to take some getting used to), did you sleep well?” she asked me. 

“Yes Mommy, it was” I smiled back. 

She pulled back my blanket, revealing the changed color stripe of my diaper. “Well honey, it looks like you’ve given Mommy a wet diaper to change, haven’t you?” 

I blushed. My silence made it pretty obvious. 

“Well that’s why you have your potty pants on, isn’t it?” she smiled. 

She walked over, grabbing a new diaper and wipes from my dresser, and set them down next to me. She pulled my shirt back a bit, and untaped the diaper, opening it up. 

“Well honey, I’m glad we’re taking care of this now, it looks like you could have had a leak if we weren’t careful.”

She methodically used a few wipes, wiping my diapered area, my bottom, and everything else, before putting a new diaper underneath me, and taping it up. 

“Allll done,” she said in a sing song voice. 

“Thanks Mommy,” I told her. 

“Of course hon, what kind of Mommy would I be if I didn’t take care of your pee pee panties?”

“Not a good one,” I laughed.

“You answered well honey,” she told me,”Let’s go downstairs.”

She offered her hand, and I took it and we walked downstairs.  

“Honey, I need to talk to you about tomorrow,” she told me. 

“I’m in the middle of a big thing at work, and well, I can’t afford to miss it, we’re coming into the home stretch, and I really need to see this thing through. I really wanted to be able to stay home with you for at least a week to get adjusted, but everything just kind of fell onto my lap.”
“So what’s going to happen is that I’m going to take you to Dana’s tomorrow in the morning, and she’ll watch you all day. I think she’s still a little perplexed at the whole thing, but we’re really close friends, and she agreed to do it. Besides, I think her girls both like you, so you’ll be in good company over there.”

I just kind of sat there, sheepishly. “Does that mean?”

“Yes hon, she will be seeing you in your diapers, and most likely will be changing you a few times, it’s what people do for babies,” she told me rather matter of factly, “Don’t worry, she won’t be teasing you, she’s changed enough of them over the years,” she said, laughing.

I didn’t know what to think. I guess I always figured that Mommy would be the only one taking care of my diapers, I hadn’t taken on the entirety of this whole thing. I mean, I guess I heard her say there’d be babysitters, but I just thought it might be a time when I could sit and talk, I hadn’t realized that I’d gotten myself into this whole thing. The fact that others were going on was either a testament to how nice they all were, or was going to be a big embarrassment. 

“Ok,” was all I could say meekly. 

“Honey, you’re too young to be asking questions, you’re a baby, all you should care about is smiling and looking cute, and let the adults take care of everything else.  You’ll be taken care of, and if there are any problems, that’s not your problem, that’s my issue, and I’ll handle it how it needs to be handled, ok? So no more questions, if you need to talk, you need to use your cute babygirl voice,” she informed me. 

I guess she was right. I hadn’t seen that side of Mommy but for a few times, but she was usually talking on a business call or something else. I had no recourse, I guess, but this was what I signed up for, so I figured Mommy must know best. 

“Now then, I set up a nice little play area for you in the living room while you were asleep. I can get some work done, and you’ll have some nice toys to play with for awhile. I’ll make dinner a little later, sound good little girl?”

“Yesh,” I told Mommy. 

We walked in, and true to her word, Mommy had set up a great play area. There were pillows, blankets, stuffed animals, and some other toys. Toys for babies, but still. There was a pink shopping cart, a play kitchen with food, and some other stuff mixed in. Mommy had gone all out. 

“I hope you like it, a lot of this was Samantha’s old stuff, and well, I don’t think she’s going to be using it, I’m just glad another baby girl gets to in this house!” 

So I went to play, and Mommy went to work, she even put on some cartoons in the background. I’ll admit, it was a little odd, I didn’t really know where to start. I hadn’t played with these sorts of things in quite a long time, and when I did, I can’t say I really remembered them. This was going to take some time to adjust to. 

I started with the kitchen. I actually liked to be in a kitchen and experiment with cooking, so at least I could pretend with this. There was a bunch of plastic food that I pretended I could be a gourmet chef with. I’d always wanted to be a chef, but I could never figure out anything that could get me to there. I always figured that I’d grown up in the wrong place, I’d have been better off in a place like New York, or…San Francisco. I was here, at least. Maybe when I “Grew up” (assuming Mommy let me) I could actually pursue that dream. 

In any case, I tried to make the best of things. My imagination always was a bit wild, and I just kind of ran with it. It’s not like I could yell “Psyche!!” and get myself out of this all, so I figured that I might as well do what I could. So I took the plastic things, made some cooking noises, and set a few things up on some dishes. I made them look pretty, and as I was hitting the back end of my “cooking”, I suddenly felt a rumbling in my stomach. The mush I’d eaten earlier must have finally made its way through. 

I could do two things here. I could hold it, and I’d still have to eventually go in my diaper, or I could just go in my diaper. Asking for the bathroom at this point was a “no go”, building off of Mommy’s earlier statement of “looking cute”. So that’s what I did. I squatted down, pushed a warm load into the back of my diaper, and I just kept playing. I could have gone and asked Mommy, but I figured she’d probably figure out whenever she got close to the fallout area. 

Pooping in a diaper wasn’t a feeling I’d gotten used to, and I’d had it happen a few times over this summer. Even with those times, it still felt a little gross. This hot mush spread across my bottom was just a bit..unsettling. Still, I didn’t know what to do, like I said. I just kept playing, hoping that maybe Mommy would eventually come over and take care of it. 

Soon, Mommy came over. “And what do we have here? Did you make Mommy some food?” she asked me in a cutesy voice. 

“Yes Mommy, I made you a weal pwetty dish,” I told her. 

“And hon, it smells like you also made Mommy a pretty stinky dish too, didn’t you?” 

I blushed, “Um yesh Mommy, but it was accident, I sewious,” I told her. 

“Oh honey, Mommy figured this might be coming sooner or later, let’s get you changed and some din-din in that cute little tummy of yours,” she told me.

“Just wait here and I’ll be back.”

Soon, Mommy reappeared, a diaper, a tub of wipes, and a changing pad in her hands. “Okay little girl, let’s get you smelling a little better.”

She laid the pad down on the ground near my cooking area. “Come over here and lay down, let’s get this taken care of,” she looked at me, wrinkling her nose a bit. 

I did as I was told. I went over and laid down, putting my bottom on the pad, smearing my mess about even more. Like I said, it was verrrry uncomfortable. 

“Alrighty Jaclyn, Mommy’s going to clean you up here really quick,” Mommy told me. 

She moved over, and untaped my diaper, letting it fall forward. Just as soon as the mess was revealed, the smell crept out with it. This isn’t just a smell that you take in like roses or barbecue, it really really smells disgusting. 

Mommy wrinkled her nose. “Wow hon, you really did a number on this one, pheeeewww you stink, you are a stinky, stinky, little girl,” she laughed. 

She wiped my nether regions, my bottom, making sure to go expertly up the crack to get anything out that might give me a rash. Having me lift up, she cleaned the back of my bottom to get anything else. 

“Stay up real fast, let Mommy get a fresh pair of panties on you,” she smiled. 

Soon, she unfurled the new diaper, and had me place my bottom on top of it. To not be caked in poop anymore was a great feeling, and the diaper felt like a nice pillow to be cushioned on. Mommy pulled the diaper up, and taped each side. 

“There we go hon, all done!” she smiled, “Let Mommy go throw this out and wash her hands, and we’ll go eat.”

Mommy was a woman of her word; soon she reappeared and got me for dinner. We ate at the table, Mommy had a nice looking salad, and I had another pile of mush. Nice smelling much, but still mush. This was going to take some getting used to. 

After dinner, I went with Mommy to the living room, and curled my legs across her lap, my head laid on her shoulder. Mommy patted my diaper bottom as we both watched “The Princess and the Pauper”. Soon I fell asleep in Mommy’s arms, and after a short time, I felt myself jostled awake. 

“Honey, let’s go get you to bed, you’ve got a big day tomorrow,” Mommy told me. 

I did as I was told, and followed Mommy upstairs, my hand in hers. Soon, we got into the room, and Mommy had me lay down, changed my diaper, and then put me into bed. As she walked out, she turned to me and smiled. 

“Jaclyn, I know this is a big adjustment, and it’s going to continue to be bigger and bigger. I just want to tell you how proud I am of you for making a choice to take a big risk to seek help, but most of all? I want you to know I’ll always be in your corner and will never let anyone or anything hurt you. You’re my daughter now as far as I’m concerned, and you’ll always mean the world to me,” Mommy smiled at me.

“Fank you Mommy,” I lisped behind my pacifier, “I wuv you.”

“I love you more, Princess,” Mommy gave me a warm smile and kissed me on the forehead, “sweet dreams.”

She walked out and turned out the light; my nightlight faintly illuminated my room. I went to bed with a huge smile on my face that night; I’d never felt so loved.
 

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

This is really the finish of Act I, but not to worry, the story isn't ending with this, there's still A LOT more to come! I hope you all are enjoying it!

XII. 

I followed Beth into Denise’s counseling space where Denise were currently sitting. As I walked in, Denise motioned over to an empty chair that sat somewhere near the corner of the room. 

“C’mon in Chase,” Denise waved me over, “we’ve got a lot to go over and unpack here.”

 I nodded in her direction, sat in the empty corner chair, while Beth and went and (I’d assume) sat where she’d been sitting before. 

“Now let’s get down to basics,” Denise told me, continuing, “I’ve filled Beth in on the important parts of what we’ve talked about: the missing out, the gender dysphoria, the anxiety, and anything that might be important for her to know.”

“Um, well, sorry Beth, I’m sure that was a lot to take in for such a short basis, I really hope that I, uh, didn’t burden you with anything.”

Beth looked at me, “Nonsense hon! I’m glad that you felt comfortable having Denise share everything with me that you’ve talked about; it really takes some gusto to want to do that, and I’m really proud of you, and very honored that you’d want me to actually know about it.”

I blushed a bit, “Well thank you, I probably would have told you sooner or later, but I’m just such a scaredy cat at times that I thought it might be better to have someone else do my dirty work.”

Beth waved me off in a sort of playful way. “Hon, from the sounds of things, you’ve really gone through a lot, and I want to be here for you to help, in any way. If that means a more permanent living arrangement, it might be an adjustment for everyone, including my daughter Samantha, but that’s a me problem, not a you problem.”

I gulped. More permanent living arrangement? What was going on here? I thought this might just be an outpatient thing that I could work on; like I said, I really didn’t give any thought to this before agreeing to it. It really looked like I might be in for more than I bargained for. Oh well, I’d gone this far, what was a little more? I probably could just take classes and do counseling, and then just go back when I felt ready for it.  Yeah, that must be it. 

So I decided to ask. “What do you mean by, ‘more permanent living arrangement’?” 

Denise interjected, “well, I’m happy you asked, I was just going to get to that and explain everything that we’ve been talking about.”

“Ok, go on,” I responded. 

“Well then, let’s get down to it all, shall we? You’ve gone ahead and agreed to receiving this regression therapy, and it’s really something that we’ve decided, as apart of your life experiences, that might be beneficial, correct?” Denise asked.

“Y-yeah,” was about all that I could muster “what is in store for it? Is it just kind of a check-in, check-out type of thing, that I keep in contact with you?” 

“Um no, not exactly, it’s a bit more, how can I put this, immersive?” Denise told me. 

She then continued, “Well, what it really entails is, ‘starting over’.”

“Starting over? What does that mean?” I asked.

“Exactly like it sounds, Chase, you’d be starting over, like a baby, and you’d be re-raised, assuming you hit the requisite milestones, you’ll move through things, hopefully feeling more fulfilled than you do now,” Denise explained. 

It sounded strange to me, but I guess it was what I had agreed to. “So is it just like taking classes or something?” I asked, rather dumbfoundedly. 

“No, it’s what I explained. You’ll be, for all intents and purposes, treated as a baby, likely as a newborn, but your caregiver can adjust it up or down, depending on their preferences.”

“Caregiver?”

“I’ve spoken to Beth, and she’s agreed to take on that part, it sounds like she’s already been taking care of your diapering as it stands now in some way, so it’s not a complete out-of-left-field request here,” Denise told me. 

I looked at Beth rather incredulously, “Really?”

“Yes hon, like I’ve told you, I’ve already been a mom for quite a while now, and a ‘new’ baby isn’t going to upend too much,” Beth told me rather confidently. 

“But what about work? School? Everything else?” I went back to Denise. 

“Well, they’re probably things that you won’t be ready or willing to continue doing at this point, and you’re going to have to…adjust to this all,” Denise told me. 

I looked again at Beth, as if she could read my thoughts, she responded. 

“Hon, I’ll talk to Megan and get you out of things at work. Since we’re going to need to get you 24/7 care for the time being, I’ll have to find you a babysitter for when I’m at work, I have a lot going on there, and I can’t just be feeding bottles and changing diapers all day,” she told me. 

I could only nod. Bottles? Diaper changes all day? Things really were going to be a lot different. 

“There’s also the issue about your gender dysphoria,” Denise spoke up before continuing, “you’ve spoken about feeling off about being stuck in the wrong body, and I guess the question is, would you want to re-experience things as a girl rather than as a boy?”

I thought about things for what seemed like an eternity. “Um, yeah, I guess so. I did always wonder what it would be like, and well, I think that it might really help me,” I told them both. 

“Well hon, I’ve already been raising one daughter, to be honest, a second daughter wouldn’t be that much harder. I’ve got a lot of Samantha’s old stuff out in the garage, and we can see if there’s anything to work with out of that. What I don’t have we can go ahead and buy, no problem,” Beth smiled a toothy grin. 

“So finishing this all up, Chase, you’ll be re-raised as a female infant, and you’ll be experiencing it all over again. You’ll be in diapers all day, which you’ll be using, you’ll be drinking bottles, eating baby food, and you’ll be generally expected to live like a little baby girl generally should be expected to. At some point, you’ll likely be ‘leveled-up’, and can move on from there. I can have you see an endocrinologist to be put on meds to start transitioning, if that’s something you wish, and we can move on from there. I’ll keep in track with Beth charting your progress and we can even have office visits here.” Denise told me, before finishing, “Is that what you want?”

What could I say? I had nothing left to really hope for. I could go home, but I’d be a distant stranger. I could go back out to Hawaii and wander aimlessly, unhappy, and depressed, or I could stay here and just try something completely new and exciting. I had my answer.

“I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it now,” I told them, “I’ll do it.”

“Well then, I’m sure that you’ll have a lot to get going. I’ll put a referral into the endocrinologist, and you should expect to see her in about a week or so. In the meantime, I’ll let you and Beth go; I’m sure you’ve got a lot to work out,” Denise smiled at us both. 

“Yes, yes we will,” Beth told her, before reaching for my hand. “Let’s go hon, we’ve got to go run quite a few errands this afternoon.”

I grabbed her hand, gulped, and followed her out. “Thanks for everything Denise,” I told Denise as we left. 

“My pleasure, I hope it all really works out for you! See you soon!” she told me back. 

I followed Beth out to the car, wondering what, exactly, was going to happen next. 

We got into the car, and didn’t say anything for a bit. Finally, Beth spoke up. 

“Hon, if we’re going to do this right like Denise has talked about, we’re going to have to get started right away. So we’re going to have to go buy some stuff, set some stuff up, and come up with a game plan for what we’re going to be doing with your care,” she told me. 

“Beth, I’m sorry about this, I really don’t want to be a burden on you, I don’t think you expected getting another baby when today started,” I told her, rather ashamedly.

“Oh hon,” she said chuckling, “I’ve told you, I want to be your support system, and if we’re being honest, I don’t mind doing it, I’ve always wanted another baby with Samantha getting older, and well, I kind of figured something like this might be coming with you.”

“You did?”

“Well, at least the diaper part, I’ve noticed how many you’ve been going through, and I figured we might need to have a talk, and luckily, Denise has done that all for us!” she chuckled again. 

“Let’s go buy you some more of those, and we’re going to need a diaper bag, some bottles, pacifiers, toys, and everything else that you might need. I think I’ll need to specially order you furniture for the house, same with your clothes; I don’t think that most places will have a crib or changing tables in your size.”

“Ok, sounds good to me,” was all I could say. What could I say? It was all a lot to take in, and really, my brain was scrambled in a sea of crazy thoughts at this point. 

We drove a bit before finally stopping at a Buy Buy Baby store, I think we were in Pleasant Hill. 

“I used to come to this store when Samantha was little, and I’ve bought a ton of stuff here for my sister Claudia’s girls when they were small, too. It’s a great store.”

“Before we go in though, boy or girl?”

“Girl, I want to be a girl.”

“Hon, I have to tell you, I am so proud of you for being so courageous, and actually following your dreams to be who you want to be. It just doesn’t happen enough in this world, and frankly, it needs more people like you, and it would be a much better place. I’m going to make you have the best life possible.”

“Thank you so much, it means so much to me,” was all I could say. I was never much for conversation unless I was high, and well, I wasn’t high here. Definitely on a strange high, but not a drug-induced one. From the looks of it, those days were going to be long behind me. 
It was a giant storefront, and we went in. The store looked like a Bed Bath and Beyond for baby supplies. It was quite impressive. 

There was a lot that I had to take in. I’d never been around kids before, had no little baby cousins, or siblings of my own, and all I knew was from odds and ends I’d seen around. I figured Beth probably knew her way around these things though, judging from her earlier comments. 

“Let’s grab a cart and start shopping, shall we?”

So off we went. This first encounter was one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever been a part of. Making it worse was the fact that I was the subject of it. 

Beth looked at me, “Hon, we have you in pull-ups now, but if you’re going to be using them for everything all of the time, we’re going to be needing a bigger diaper for you,  and I’m not sure if they have them here. I’ve been buying some ones at Walgreens, but they just don’t have them in the amount that we need.”

“So what are you going to do?” I asked, a little pee trickling into my pull-up I currently had on. 

“I’m going to ask. I can probably order them for you, but if you’re going to be starting this right away, we’re going to need them soon,” Beth told me. 

With that in mind, we marched off to the counter, where a sales associate was standing. She was about average build, had brown hair and must have been in her 30s. 

“Welcome to Buy Buy Baby, how can I help you today?” the associate asked. Her name tag read “Jamie”.

“Well Jamie, I was wondering where your diapers were,” Beth told her.

“They’re all in the back corner, over there,” Jamie told her, pointing in a direction.

“Well, I need them for a bit of a bigger baby, namely, this one here,” she told Jamie. 

I turned about ten shades of crimson at that point. 

“Hmm, well, we do have diapers for older children, do you know what his waist size is?” Jamie asked.

“It’s a 28,” I told them, rather embarrassed. 

“Well if that’s the case, we do have a product that you might like, it’s for larger children, and fits up to a 32’’ waist,” Jamie told us. 

“Are they in stock?” Beth asked.

“Yes absolutely, how many are you looking for? We have 120 to a case,” Jamie told us, “and we have several cases.”

“Well, let’s take 3 cases for right now. Can I order more as this one goes through them?” Beth asked.

“Yes, absolutely, we can put you on a order service that can be set by the amount or time, or both, depending on your preferences,” Jamie explained. “I’ll just need to have you fill out something.”

“Let’s see how these work, and if they’re a good fit, we’ll go from there, does that work?” Beth asked. 

“Yes we can. We can set it up at anytime,” Jamie told her.

“Let’s go get what you have,” Beth told her.

So off we went. We went to the back, locating the diapers that Jamie had told us about up front. It said something about being extra absorbent for even the heaviest uses on the front, and had a bunch of (I guess) cute designs and pictures on the front. On the back of the box was a diagram of the diaper, spelling out all of the relevant features, like elastic legholes, wetness indicators, and other things. 

“Go ahead and grab three, hon, and put them in my cart,” Beth told me, “these are going to be yours now.”

I did as I was told. I went and grabbed three of them and put them in the cart. 

The last of the time in the store was used up by grabbing several cases of baby wipes (“for all of your messes in your diapers and otherwise”), powder and oils, some toys, and other assorted things. I’d never realized so much went into baby shopping, but then again, it was a concept that I was generally foreign to. Lastly, we went to the section for where they had the diaper bags at. 

As with anything else in this store, there was a whole host of selection for diaper bags. I’d never seen such a selection; it really looked like a handbag selection you’d see at Macy’s. There were pink ones, there were cartoon character ones from Disney; basically, if you wanted a diaper bag, they probably had one that you’d want. 

Technically, they were for my diapers, but this was all in Beth’s court. She looked over a few before finally settling on one that looked more like a bookbag you might see at a college than anything. It was olive green, had a big compartment on the back, and had two straps to wear like a backpack. Very stylish, I thought to myself. Beth never lacked in style though, so I guess I wasn’t altogether surprised. 

“I think this one is nice, don’t you?” Beth asked me.

“Y-yeah, it’s great,” I told her.

“It even has a changing pad in case we’re out and you go!” she added. She almost seemed too excited about all of this. I guess she really did want a new baby. I could think of a lot of things that I wanted in my life, but I didn’t think that I’d ever want to take in an adult who peed and pooped their pants uncontrollably. Different strokes, I guess. 

Pretty soon, we’d tracked down (well, Beth had tracked down) everything that she felt like she needed for the initial start of this. She took it all to the front and another sales associate rang us up. 

“Got a new baby on the way, do we?” the man asked. 

“You could say that,” Beth told him, not really adding anymore. 

Soon, it was all rang up, Beth paid for it, and we took it out to Beth’s SUV. She grabbed the front of my pull-up, jolting me a bit. “Hmmm, not too wet yet, you don’t need to be changed,” she announced. There was a few people outside, but if they noticed, they didn’t really care, as no one really looked nor said anything. 

I helped her load my stuff into the car, and off we went. We drove home, making some small talk on the way back home. I figured the real nuts and bolts were going to happen when we made it back to the house. 

We finally made it back to the house, Bay Area traffic wasn’t for the faint of heart. 

“Why don’t you help me bring this all in, and we’ll put it in your room, and we can sit down and talk, does that sound ok?” Beth asked me. 

“Of course,” I told her, “Do you want me to take anything out?”

“No, just leave it there, I’ll take care of it,” she told me. 

We got into the house, and she opened the car door, and we made a few trips up the stairs, finally getting everything out. Beth took the diaper bag to her room, and all the rest was in my room pretty much. 

“Ok, now that it’s all up here, let’s go downstairs to the living room, and we can talk a bit.”

I had peed quite a bit on all of our trips today, I figured now was as good a time as any to ask for a change.

“Um Beth, before we go downstairs, I need to change my pull-up.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Beth told me, “this isn’t going to be a *you* job anymore, go ahead and lay down on your bed.”

I did as she asked, and she went over to the dresser and grabbed a diaper and some wipes out. 

“Hon, I know you’ve been in pull-ups for a bit of time, but they aren’t going to be completely appropriate from now on, they just don’t hold enough, so we’re going to give them away, or put them in storage for a time when you’ll be re-potty trained,” she told me. 

“Uh ok,” I told her. Like I said, I really wasn’t much for words. 

She pulled down my pants, revealing the soaked pull-up. She quickly tore each side, before tapping my leg to lift up. I lifted up, and she pulled the used pull-up out from underneath me, before using a baby wipe to wipe all of the areas that had been previously covered by the pull-up. In one swift motion, she pulled the diaper out, spread the back open, and put it underneath of me, before instructing me to sit down on it. Once that had happened, she pulled the front up, and taped each side securely. 

“Being that you’re going to need to be checked fairly often, I’m not going to put any pants on you at home, it’s easier to see the strip and just to check if you need changing, so you’ll be pantsless around the house,” she told me. 

I could see that things really were going to be a lot different. 

“Now then, let’s go down and discuss how things are going to work out, shall we?” 

I followed her downstairs and into the living room, before finally coming into a settle on one of her leather furniture pieces. I had to admit, it was a different feeling being in just a diaper on  here; the leather was almost cool to the touch. It kind of felt nice. 

Beth sat on a chair to the opposite of me. “Well, we have a lot to discuss, don’t we?”

“Y-yes,” I told her.

“Let’s go over the basics here. I’m honored that you let me into your life, and I’m honored that I get to be the one to help you. I’m a big believer in the fact that things don’t happen by chance or by accident, and I think we’re in each other’s lives for a reason.”

She continued, “So let’s talk about what ‘all this’ is going to entail.” 

“First, for this to work, you’re going to have to be able to buy-in. This isn’t going to be a convenient do it now, stop later, type of thing. This is a one-way street, and one that you’ll be fully committed to. I’m fully committing to it, and I expect you to do the same.”

“As I’ve said before, things are going to be changing for you, and in drastic ways. You won’t be coming to work anymore, I’ll talk to Megan about that tonight. I have a lot of arrangements to make, not least of what I’m going to do with you now that you won’t be coming to work.”

“I’m sure that I can ask Dana to watch you; you know both of her little girls, and I don’t think she’d mind, but I’m not entirely sure. If not, I know a few others that might be able to take you, but I’ll figure something out, that’s not your problem, that’s mine. It’ll all work out.”

“Now then, what can you expect? First, if this is to work, and you’re going to be back re-visiting babyhood, I want to be your Mommy. As such, I need to be referred to as ‘Mommy,’ ‘Mama’, or something similar.

Next, you’re going to be back in diapers 24/7 and will be expected to use them for the expected purpose. You will not change yourself, you will be given regular diaper checks and changed at my (or whoever is watching you’s) convenience. It’s likely that you won’t be out of diapers for a good long time, so you’d better get used to them for your foreseeable future. The only time that you can expect to use the bathroom is when you’re getting a bath, otherwise, it’s just not going to happen. 

I’m not too keen on making you a newborn, I’d prefer a little older, so you will be regressed to the level of an 9 month old and will be expected to act accordingly. This is in all sincerity, a one way trip. This means you will be under a constant supervision of an adult, and if I’m at work or out doing adult things, you will have a babysitter, who might be Dana, it might be Samantha, it might be Megan even, but you will never be by yourself, you’ll always have someone watching you.

As for other baby stuff, you will be eating baby food, drinking from a bottle for now, and possibly breast milk in the future. You will not speak like an adult, and may only use baby talk. If you need me, you can call for Mommy or Mama, or even Samantha, who will be your big sister.”

Samantha. I hadn’t met her yet, but Mommy had mentioned her quite a bit, and had talked to her on the phone. I really hoped that we’d get along, but it seemed like it might be a strange situation. 

“Does she know?” I asked.

“No, not yet, this is all so recent. I’ll call her and talk to her, and also will have to reassure her dad that there aren’t any strange and bizarre things going on here. It’ll all work out, you’ve got nothing to worry about except looking cute.”

I blushed.

“Now, you’ve discussed with me and Denise that you want to transition into a female, and that’s going to be an adjustment all on its own. I’ll talk with Brit and we can see if we can get you on some medication; maybe we can get you in next week.”

“That sounds good, thank you,” I told Mommy.

“Mmmhmmm. Now hon, have you thought of a name? Do you want to still be Chase, or do you want something more…girly?”

“Well, I had a name in mind, one that’s always stuck with me,”  I told Mommy. 

“And what name is that?” Mommy asked, rather curiously. 

“Jaclyn, I’d like to be called…Jaclyn,” I told her.

“Well that’s just a pretty name. Can I pick your middle name?” she asked.

“Sure!” I told her, excited that she’d approved of my name.

“Claire, I want your middle name to be Claire,” she told me, “I always thought that if I had another daughter, I’d name her Claire, and well, I guess this is as good as that.”

“Sounds great!” that was about all I could say. 

“Well Jaclyn, it’s been a long day, how about we go get you some food, and then go pick you out some cute clothes and some other stuff to order?”

“Alright Mommy!” 

And with that, Mommy held her hand out to me, and we walked to the kitchen. This was the start of something new, something different, and while I was still nervous as all hell about it, it was definitely something to look forward to. I couldn’t wait to see what came next. 
 

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

I apologize for the delay; I've just been doing a thousand different things while also hitting writer's block. I finally have a way forward, and expect more in the coming days!

XI

TWO WEEKS LATER

Things had been moving pretty well, I’d settled into a routine and I really couldn’t complain about anything. I’d get changed by Beth once at night, wake up, change myself, go to work, we’d come home to swim, dinner, watch baseball, and I’d get changed for bed again. 

One morning though,  I woke up to find Beth coming in as white as a ghost. 

“Hon, I’ve got some really bad news to tell you,” she told me, “It’s your parents, they’ve been killed in a car accident.”

I was really taken aback. “What? How?” 

“Apparently, it happened a month ago, they’ve already had the funeral and everything. They didn’t know where to find you at, and it took your friend Alanna calling me up last night after you’d gone to bed to tell me what had happened. I’m so very sorry hon, I’m so very sorry.”

I was in total shock. Sure, we weren’t that close, but I never really wanted anything terrible to happen to them, either. I always thought I’d be able to go back home and visit, even if it wasn’t this summer. I was looking forward to the holidays, or some other occasion. 

What was I going to do? I really didn’t have closure; they’d already had the funeral, and everything was probably gone from their house, and well, I just didn’t know.

I did what I thought was natural. I just sat and cried. I had no idea what I’d do next. 

The days following the grim news from Beth really sent me into a tail spin, and really, I had absolutely no closure from it at all. I’d gotten some property out of the whole thing, but it wasn’t anything that I really wanted, and was held up in a trust. In real ways, I was very depressed. Things just seemed to get worse and worse. I wasn’t making any progress in the potty training department, and if anything, things had just spun backwards. My work was suffering from my lost mindset. 

Finally, Beth had enough (and really who could blame her?). At the end of one day, while she helped me put on a diaper for bed, she broached the subject. She’d given me some space up until that point, but I guess everyone has a breaking point when they feel like they have to do something, at least say something. 

As she taped the diaper up, she began to speak in that sultry drawl of hers. 

“Hon, we really need to get you some help, it’s normal to go through grief, but you’re really taking this hard. I hope you didn’t mind, but I’ve gone ahead and made you an appointment with a therapist.”

I was a bit taken aback, if we were being completely honest, but I guess not altogether surprised. The time had become a blur of sadness and listlessness. I never really was especially close with my parents, but I guess I took them a little for granted, and now that they were gone, well, I was really lost from the whole thing. 

“Uh ok,” was all that I could respond. 

“I’m going to bring you over there tomorrow, let’s hope that we can help you feel better,” she told me, before patting my bottom and pulling the blanket up. 

“G’night hon,” she told me as she left the room, turning out the light. 

I drifted off into a somewhat listless haze, really unsure of what was going to come next. 
We drove off to a fairly non-descript midrise office building on the south end of town. There was a distinct line of signs that almost exclusively gave away the aura of some sort of office building housing professionals. If it wasn’t counselors or psychologists, it was an attorney or a dentist; well, you get the point. The building was one of these; it was a typical midrise of the time. There was a dearth of windows on the inside, and the air smelled of a decaying carcass mixed with some cheap dollar store perfume. The carpet was faded, as if calling back to spruced-up prior occasions that may have permeated that particular instance the universe called back on itself. 

In any case, it was a building. There was a counselor inside that Beth had made me an appointment with. I was really nervous; what if this person went and aired my dirty laundry out with everyone who wanted to know? What if my life was that twisted that I found myself here. 

We walked up the stairs a few flights, and finally got to a hallway, as we walked down, the floor was dotted with some office buildings that generally looked to be either more counseling services, or college outreach offices. The same smell from the lobby was permeating this area too. I guess there wasn’t much I could actually do about that, I was still nervous about the trip to this office though. 

Finally, after what seemed forever, but was probably actually just a few dozen feet, we got to an office behind iced glass. Beth opened the door, holding it open for me, before following me in. There was a cowbell on the door as if to signify to the office holder that there were people in this waiting room. The room had a very relaxed ambiance, with warm-colored paints on the walls. There was incense on a table in the corner, which also featured a dimly colored lamp that lit the room. There was a nice selection of National Geographics on the table, one of which I took a feigned interest in. Beth sat next to me, patting me on the knee the whole time. 

“Do you need to change your pants before you go in?” she asked, patting her purse as if to suggest me changing my diaper. 

I blushed, “Um, no, I don’t.”

As strange as this would have been to me a few weeks ago, with the recent funk I’d found myself in after hearing about my parents, it had become more and more commonplace. I’d been wetting my pull-ups more frequently than I’d have hoped, but I thought I was keeping that fairly discreet from Beth. She had been buying them though, so either she noticed in the trash, or noticed when it came time to restock. In any case, she’d found it a bit concerning, and told me to make sure and mention it to the therapist. 

After a bit of time had passed, I heard the door knob begin to turn and open up. Emerging from the office was an Amazon of a woman, clothed in very professional dress except for a jean jacket that signified some sort of rebellion against something, I surmised. She had very bright eyes and a very warm, welcoming smile. She took her hand out and offered it to me, 

“Hi there, I’m Denise,” she told me, “and you must be….Chase?”

“That’s me,” I told her, “and this is Beth,” I added. 

“Oh we spoke on the phone, it’s always nice to put a face to a voice,” she told Beth.

“Likewise,” said Beth. 

“Well shall we go in?” Denise asked, motioning in the door.

“Sounds good,” I followed her in. Beth waited outside. 

The actual space itself was pretty cozy. There was a couch, two chairs, and a desk with a computer at it, with a giant window on one side opening out and looking at the rest of the town. I sat down and took a seat; Denise offered me a bottle of water, which I accepted, and then sat down on a chair opposite of me. 

“Shall we get started?” she asked. 

So we did. It was an hour that went by entirely too fast. 

In that first hour, I did a few things with Denise. First, I kind of explained why I was here in the office, sitting in this chair. I had problems, real emotional problems that I was having trouble getting over. I talked a little about my (lack of) bathroom habits, and worried that it had tied into stress. I mentioned the diapers, too, of course, as the method I was using to work on them. It wasn’t a long discussion, but it was a bit of a poignant one. Next,  I briefly touched on a few of the things that had gone on in my life. There was the strange times growing up where I really never fit in, nor did I feel like I was ever really a part of my family. I really wanted to get to more, but with the time allotted, I could only briefly make it out of just an early part of my knowledge on life. My really somewhat distanced relationship with my now-deceased parents, my lack of a support system. Before I knew it, the time was up. In many ways, though, I felt relieved. 

At the end of our conversation that day, Denise stood up, and suggested that we talk more. She made another appointment for the next week. I walked outside to find Beth waiting in the lobby. 

“Shall we go?” she asked. I nodded. 

We walked out to her car, and as I sat down in the front seat, I started crying. They were a mix of tears of sadness, but also tears of joy. I felt a little liberated that day. 

“What’s wrong hon?” Beth asked. 

“Well, I, um, well, I just want to tell you, thank you, thank you for taking me in, thank you for supporting me, and thank you for not judging me, and thank you for getting me some help,” I blubbered, almost incoherently. 

She said nothing, but reached over and held me for what seemed like a long time, but was probably just a few seconds. 

“Hon, it’s my pleasure, you always struck me, even from some of our first interactions, as someone who was searching, and who just needed someone,” she told me, “I’m more than happy to get you all the help you need, and I’ll always be here, even when you go back to school, you don’t have to worry about me leaving your life.”

It was almost reassuring, I felt like I’d finally made a genuine connection for the first time in my life. Summer was running out, and would be over soon, I thought. I really didn’t want to leave, but all good things would have to come to an end, but it was still about a month away, I wanted to be able to take it all in. 

Beth put the car into gear and we drove home. The night was rather non-existent. We had some takeout, Beth worked on some stuff, and I watched a little TV. Nothing too crazy had happened. 

That night when it was time for bed, and Beth had finished changing me into my night-time diaper, she smiled at me, kissing me on the forehead. 

“Hon, I love you, and I hope that you’ll be in my life for a long time. I don’t know what else to say, but it feels like you’re almost a second child to me at this point. I’ll always be an advocate, and always will be a support system for you when you need it.” 

She pulled up my blanket over me, before throwing my wet pull-up away, and turned out the light before closing the door. 

I sat there, and for the first time in a long time, I smiled. At least I had someone who cared, even as strange as this situation almost lent itself to being. 

The next few weeks went by pretty fast. I had a juggle of a time with work, counseling appointments, and everything in-between. It was almost a blur, but I guess it wasn’t like anything terrible had happened. 

My counseling sessions were really helping me out of my shell, and for that, I was really grateful. I had a lot of unexplored issues that I’d always really thought about, but had never had anyone to really talk to about. There was the wetting of course, but I had a lot of issues with things in my own life, things I’d hidden away from a lot of people, and really, a lot of stuff that more or less led me to being a broken individual inside. I managed to keep it together well, of course, but I was a lot of things that I just always kind of repressed. One of the things was the fact that I felt like I’d never been attached to a parent, and that most of my childhood had passed me by without hitting any real milestones, or experiencing things like my peers did. I always felt left out or jealous when I’d see my friends doing things with their family taking an interest in them. Mine never did. 

Another one of them was, well, my gender identity. Talking to Denise about it was the first time that I’d told anyone about it, other than typing it out on a computer to myself, just to make sure I wasn’t crazy. 

Part of never fitting in was the fact that I was, really uncomfortable in my own shell. Growing up in a rural place as a male, it was hard. I had all of these expectations. To play sports, to be an adrenaline junkie, to drink hard amounts of nasty liquor like whiskey, and all sorts of stuff in between. Outside of the adrenaline part, none of it really fit me. Growing up, I liked, well, girly things, but I could never talk about them with anyone, because I’d get castigated and have a bunch of nasty names tossed my way. I’d always wished that I was actually born a girl, and would listen intently when my parents would talk about what they had planned on naming me had I been born a girl. Generally it was a passing thought, but I clung to it for dear life when I would hear it, and would then try to not be conspicuous, always looking for some sort of opening to bring it back up. I wanted the dresses, the Barbies, everything about it, but well, I never could, and if I ever brought It up to anyone I was “close” to, I’d either be laughed at, or shouted down. It wasn’t a good situation. 

This time though, was different. This was a venue where I actually finally felt comfortable talking about those feelings, and even then, I had to actually build on my trust issues in order to actually sharing these sorts of things; I was finally getting at some real center of me that had remained unrevealed for basically the entirety of my life. It was liberating. I often spoke of these thoughts, and would talk about what I was going through. Denise brought up terms like “transition,” “reassignment surgery,” “hormones,” and stuff like that, things I’d honestly never heard of to that point. It was a different thing for me, but a good different. I felt like I was really getting the help that I needed. 

We’d talk about Beth, and my relationship with her. I considered her a sort of a surrogate mother at this point, who had taken me in, me who was basically an orphan. I felt like I owed a lot to her, and if anything, she had become a rock to me over the course of this summer. I could never really bring myself to sharing with her what I’d talked to Denise about in these sessions, only that I’d felt better after talking with her, and that things were moving in a great pace. No use in burdening her with my own issues, I’d always thought. 

A lot of this was all pouring out like words into a paper cup, like the lyrics in Across the Universe. I was going across my own universe during these sessions, and I really felt the better for them. 

At the latest time, after another in-depth discussion with Denise, she looked at me and told me that she’d been thinking about my case. 

“Chase, I really have an idea for you, and it might sound a little unorthodox,” she told me. 

“What is it?” I asked, somewhat curiously. 

“Well, it’s something that’s called regression therapy, but not in the usual sense,” she told me before continuing, “It’s basically being able to re-experience things again, or maybe in your case, actually experiencing things that you may have missed out on.”

“It’s different, but I’ve been working on it with a colleague of mine for some time now, and you seem like the perfect candidate for it. Since I think that it would almost be too daunting to put you as an in-patient, it’s something that we’d need to bring someone in on, like Beth, for instance,” she told me.

“Can’t you just call her and talk to her about it?” I asked, almost incredulously. 

“Well, no, not really, it’s something that you’d have to discuss with her, I actually can’t, because of patient confidentiality,” she continued. 

“Well, I um, I don’t know the particulars, and I’ll be honest, I’d be a little scared talking to her about it,” I told Denise. 

“Ok, well look, would you want me to tlak to her about it? She’s right out in the lobby isn’t she? She always brings you here, right?”

“Yeah, she’s out there.”

“If you really want to do the therapy, and you want me to bring her in on it, well, you’d need to sign a consent form allowing me to talk about all the particulars with it. Is there anything else you’d like me to tell her?”

“Everything. Just tell her everything.”

“Ok, then, so you’ll do the therapy?”

“Yes. Yes. I’ll do it. If you think it’ll help, I’ll do it.” I told her. 

“Alrighty then, I’ll need you to sign a consent form, and we’ll get this ball rolling,” Denise told me in a warm tone. 

As I sat there signing my name, there were a bunch of things rolling through my head, impactful things, but also impactful things that were almost fleeting. Regression Therapy. I guess that didn’t sound half bad; my life had hit a real dead end. Other than my internship, what did I really have to look forward to? Alanna had a boyfriend, my parents were both dead. Did I really have anything to look forward to, as in, at all? Or was it just a desperate exercise in pretending that I actually mattered, and actually was cared about by someone? Who knew, if you’re keeping score at home. 

What was it going to entail? Was it something that I really wanted? Should I at least think through any potential consequences? I could just go back to the islands and pretend this all never happened, that might be great, right? I made up my mind, I knew at that moment what I was going to do. 

I went and signed a consent form allowing Denise to share what she and I had talked about with Beth. Once I signed my name away, I handed it back to Denise, who barely gave me a glance. In a clinical manner, Denise wrote a few things down, “Ok then, let me go and grab Beth. Do you want to be here when I talk to her?”

“No, I’ll just wait outside,” I told her.

I walked out, and Beth was waiting there. “Beth,” I started, “I’ve decided to get some real help, and well, Denise needs to talk to you about it. 

“That’s wonderful hon, I’ll go inside and talk to her, if you don’t mind waiting outside in one of these chairs,” she told me gently. 

“No, I don’t mind, she’s going to share a lot about what she and I have been talking about, and she thinks it’ll be really helpful,” I told her. I went and plopped down in one of the comfy chairs outside while Beth went into the room I’d just emerged out of. 

Sitting outside in the chair,  I have to admit that I found this all to be a bit odd, that I really didn’t know what I was doing, but that was almost fleeting;  I guess I didn’t think much about it. The gravity of the situation started to hit me a bit, but it didn’t seem that real to me. I wondered just what I’d agreed to, and to what ends it would actually be accomplished. The door opened, revealing Beth, who motioned me in. 

“C’mon in hon, we have a lot to discuss,” she told me. I obediently followed. 

As I would find out in the coming days, things were going to get to be really different, and there were going to be some drastic changes ahead. 
 
 

[Jaclyn’s Adventures in Diapers, Part I: Jaclyn's Journey to Infantile Bliss]

I awoke on Monday with the light in my room being turned on. Beth had opened the door, and while I tried to catch my bearings, was opening up my dresser with a new diaper and some wipes. As had typically been, I had wet myself again during the night, and we went through the typical routine of the last few days. Beth set both down on the edge of the bed, as I got out from underneath of the blanket, assuming the position. As she changed me, we talked a bit.

“Well hopefully this is one of the last times this has to happen, I hope we get good news today, don’t you?” she asked me as she wiped.

 

“I’m just tired of the uncertainty,” I told her, “I’m hoping for one concrete answer one way or the other, just to have *something* to go off of.”

 

Beth finished the change, threw the used diaper away and left me to get dressed. The appointment was around 10, so she told me we’d just get something to eat after it, eschewing the usual routine of having breakfast in the morning. She told me we’d go do something fun this afternoon instead of going into work; she’d already informed Megan what was happening today, and apparently Megan was cool with it.

 

I got dressed and headed downstairs. I was thirsty this morning, so I got some more juice out of the fridge and waited to go to my appointment. I figured it’d just end up in my pants anyway, so there was no point in restricting my liquid intake these days, especially in light of Beth’s new edict a few days ago. 

 

It was finally time to go and we got into Beth’s car and headed towards the doctor’s office on the UCSF campus. I guess she was a good friend of Beth’s, and Beth, for her part, promised me that everything would go smoothly and that I didn’t have anything to worry about with the visit, that I was in the “best hands possible,” and that this doctor “really knew her stuff”. It was reassuring I guess, but still, I was reallllly nervous for this whole new undertaking.

 

We drove down to the campus, which was a fairly pretty view from the outside; there were a lot of cool architectural examples of various houses, and we even got to see the fringes of Golden Gate Park. I was nervous, but taking the time to look at things around the city on the way over helped to calm my nerves, at least for only a little bit. The medical center was a series of buildings covered in panes of glass. It was located on a hill overlooking that part of the city, and had an almost aesthetically pleasing, yet very sterile appearance. As a kid, I’d been in hospitals for various aliments, be it pneumonia, staph, or other ailments, and the places I spent time in looked nothing like this, this all looked about 1000 years in the future compared to those places.

 

Beth found a place to park, and soon we were headed inside, winding through a various maze of blank hallways, elevators, before finally reaching our destination, which looked to be another labyrinth of medical facilities behind a series of desks and glass walls.

 

Beth went and checked me in, making whatever payment arrangements were necessary at the time. She came back, bringing me some forms to fill out, all while flashing a somewhat halfway smile, as if to try and assure me that things were going to be ok. She sat down, put her hand on mine, and we started to wait,

 

“Hon, I can wait out here for you, I don’t need to be in there with you, after all, this is a kind of personal thing,” she told me.

 

As nervous as I was, I’ll admit that I really didn’t want to go in alone, so I looked up at her,

 

“I’d actually rather, well, you be in there too, I’m just a giant ball of nerves right now,” I told her.

 

She patted my hand as if to reassure me, “I can do that then.”

 

So we waited a bit. I continued to fill out the forms, which were basically about past medical conditions, current and ongoing ones, family histories, and all of that kind of stuff. I kind of guessed on a few things, as I really didn’t know the answer to them, so I just checked “No” on more than I probably should have. Once I was done, I turned in the forms at the desk, came back and sat next to Beth.

 

Pretty soon, a nurse came out and called my name, I got up to go, and Beth stood up to follow me. The nurse was a middle aged woman, about 5’2’’ and with steely blue eyes.

 

As we got to the entry, I told the nurse that I’d asked Beth to come with me for support, and the nurse seemingly rolled her eyes a bit, but nevertheless led us to the back. The routine things were went through; weight, height, blood pressure, heart rate, and all of that fun stuff. My BP was high, but since I was a ball of anxiety at this point in the day, I wasn’t all that surprised; everything else seemingly checked out well.

 

“It says here you’re in here for bladder incontinence issues?” the nurse asked.

 

I blushed, “Um yeah.”

 

“How long have the issues gone on for?”

 

“Over six months,” I told her, as she jotted it down. She wrote a few more things down, finally completing the battery of forms it seemed like she had to fill out.

 

“Are you doing anything for it?” 

 

“Just wearing protection, I guess,” I told her, somewhat sheepishly. 

 

“Do you mind stripping down to it?” she asked. I complied, probably somewhat reluctantly I guess. One thing was true, this ongoing ordeal and all of the recent events had served to shred any modesty I may have otherwise had before.

 

I had peed a bit in the drive over, and the stripe on the front had discolored just a bit.

 

The nurse took a look, jotted down a few things, and that was that. 

 

Finally she got up, “Dr. Miller will be in here in a few minutes,” she told us before leaving.

 

“Hon, I’ve known Brit a long time, she’s a consummate professional and is really good at her job, you’re in really good hands.”

 

I’ll admit I felt a little awkward sitting there, only in a shirt and diaper. Sure, it’d been my regular bedtime attire for a short time now, but being out somewhere besides Beth’s house? I definitely didn’t feel the most comfortable doing so. I suppose I could have put my pants back on, but if the nurse wanted to see it, I’m sure Dr. Miller would as well, so I decided to keep the pants-off policy going.

 

After what seemed like an eternity, there was finally the tell-tale double knock on the door, and the knob turned to open. I’ll admit that it made me jump a bit, although I know I really didn’t have anything to worry about, it was just a doctor, after all. 

 

Dr. Miller finally emerged. She was about 5’8, black hair, and a slender build, all of which was somewhat obscured by a long white lab coat with “Dr. Miller” on it. She had a smile on her face that diffused any potential tension that might have otherwise been floating around the room. 

 

“Chase?” she asked. 

 

“That’s me,” I told her with some confidence, well, at least as much confidence as someone could have sitting in a wet diaper on an exam table.

 

“Well so nice to meet you, it’s a pity that it’s under these circumstances,” she told me in a light-hearted manner, “and Beth, it’s always good to see you,” she told her, smiling.

 

“You too Brit, I hope you’ve been well,” Beth told her.

 

“It’s always an adventure around here,” Brit told her, hallway laughing, before finally turning her attention to me again.

 

“So what brings you in here today?” she asked. 

 

“I, well, I…” I started.

 

“He’s having bladder issues,” Beth told her, speaking over me and for me. I blushed a little, she took charge so fast, “he’s been wetting the bed, his pants, and everything else, and it’s a little concerning.”

 

“Hmm, I see, and from the looks of it, you’re using protection?” Brit asked me.

 

“Yeah,” I told her, “pretty much around the clock these days.”

 

“How long has this been going on?”

 

“Over six months now,” I told her.

 

“Well, if you’re ok with it, I’m going to run some tests, some are a little invasive, and we’ll see if we can’t tell what’s going on here.”

 

“Sure,” I told her, not really realizing what I’d signed up for, “anything to get some concrete idea of what’s going on.”

 

“I can tell from the line on your protection that you’ve already gone?” she asked.

 

“I, well, I guess I did,” I told her.

 

“Do you know when it’s happening?”

 

“Sometimes, sometimes not,” I told her.

 

“Let’s get you out of that, cleaned up a bit, and we’ll get started on the tests, go ahead and lay back for me,” she instructed.

 

I did as I was told, laying back on the table. Brit untaped my diaper, and using some wipes, cleaned off the urine off of me, rolling up the diaper and tossing it in a trashcan. She then left me laying there, completely naked from the waist down. It was somewhat embarrassing, though it wasn’t anything Beth hadn’t seen, and I’m sure definitely something Brit was used to.

 

“Now then, let’s get started on some tests.”

 

Over what seemed like an eternity, I was subjected to tests, first urine tests, pressure tests, and finally an ultrasound. After what seemed like forever, and something I was never going to get out of, they finally ended.

 

“I’m going to go and get the results,” Brit told us, before leaving. 

 

I was sitting there, bare bottom and all exposed to the world for quite some time. Beth finally noticed; we didn’t really speak.

 

“Hon, let’s get you into something so you don’t make pee pee all over the table and the office, that’d be really embarrassing, don’t you think?”

 

I wasn’t too keen on her using the term “pee pee”, but I did have to agree, it probably was necessary.

 

“Sure.”

 

“Lay down and I’ll put it on you, just to make sure no leaks over everywhere,” she told me.

 

I obediently laid back and watched as Beth pulled a new diaper out from her purse, and walking over to the table. As she approached, she grabbed my ankles and pulled me in the air, taking me by surprise. While my bottom was in the air, Beth unfurled the diaper underneath me, placing it down, and…

 

Knock knock. There was the tell-tale knock again. It must have been Brit back with the results of her tests. She opened the door just as I was being lowered back onto the diaper by Beth, and she taped it up, before smiling at Brit and sitting down herself.

 

“Back in protection, I see,” Brit spoke aloud.

 

“Um, yeah,” I told her. 

 

“Well, I’ve got results here, and though we’ve ruled out anything serious, there are still some things a little concerning.”

 

I got hot, anxiety flowing into me. 

 

“What kind of concerns?” I asked. 

 

“Well, you don’t have anything that would lead me to think that there’s cancer or anything like that, but your bladder muscles, they’re really atrophied,” she told me.

 

“How could that be?” I asked, somewhat flustered. I was only 18! This shouldn’t be happening!

 

“Well, it could be the environment, something going into your body that wasn’t there before, medication mixing wrongly, there are a lot of reasons,” she told me.

 

“I really can’t think of anything off the top of my head that would be different than what I had done before,” I told her, “what can I do about this?”

 

“Well, for one, I’d keep using the protection you’re currently in,” she told me, “there’s pull-up types that might work well, and they’re fairly discreet.”

 

She continued, “Secondly, there are bladder exercises you could try, and could get set up for some physical therapy, some stuff like that.”

 

Most importantly, I asked, “Well, how long is it going to be like this?” 

 

“I’m not really sure, it could be a week, it could be a year, it could be five years,” she told me, “it all depends on how your body reacts, and what, if any, improvements, you may see.”

 

“I’ll set an appointment up for three months from now, and we can check what, if any, progress you’ve made then,” she told me.

 

“I won’t be here, though, I’m only here for the summer,” I told her.

 

“Oh? I thought this was more of a long-term arrangement,” she looked quizzically at Beth, which I found odd, but didn’t think anything of at the time.

 

“Well, when you get back home, go to a doctor there, and you can have my office send all of your records there, and it’ll be all set, sound good?”

 

“That does,” I told her. 

 

“Well, you have a great rest of the day, get set up for PT, and hopefully things work out,” she spoke, almost in a clinical manner.

 

“And Beth, it’s always good to see you, we’ll have to get together soon and catch up, don’t be a stranger!” she smile before leaving, closing the door behind her.

 

Beth looked at me. “Well, we’ll have to go get you some more supplies, and unless you want to be cold, I’d suggest putting your pants back on,” she chuckled.

 

I of course did, not wanting to make a spectacle of myself, and dejectedly followed Beth down the hallway and out to her SUV, waiting for her to unlock it and then getting in.

 

Beth got in, and started the car and then headed out. 

 

“Look hon, this isn’t ideal for anyone, and I know that it’s got to be extra hard on you. I can set up the PT appointments that Brit suggested, and we can move from there,” she told me.

 

“I’m not a baby, Beth, and I don’t want you to have your thoughts on me clouded because of all of this,” I told her.

 

“Of course hon, I know you’re not. Look, if it’s anything, I’ll buy the pull-ups that Brit suggested, and we can go back to those, and you can take care of that all on your own, does that sound good?”

 

At least I had a little independence, I thought. 

 

“Sure, that does,” I told her before continuing, “can you still help me with the ones at bedtime though? I worry that I wet more, and well, I’m willing to sacrifice a little dignity for having to do laundry.”

 

“Sure, I can help with that, but I don’t want to feel like that’s something you need to say, I won’t do it unless you really want,” she told me, “I’m willing to change you all the time if it gets more serious, but only if you request it.”

 

“I’d, well, actually welcome you helping me at bedtime,” I told her.

 

“Well that’s what we’ll do then,” before adding, “You’ve had a really crazy morning, how about we go get some lunch, and we can go out and do something fun like mini-golf?” she asked.

 

“Yeah, that does sound great, actually,” I told her.

 

The rest of the morning and the afternoon went pretty well. We stopped at a Walgreens and Beth bought some more pull-ups, and even let me stay in the car so I wouldn’t get embarrassed. From there, we went to a great pizza place, and split a pepperoni and pepperoncini pizza, where we had an adult conversation that didn’t revolve around diapers, pee pee time, or anything of that nature.

 

“Well hon, I’m thinking we’d better go find that mini-golf course while it’s still nice outside,” Beth announced.

 

“Do you need to go potty before we go?”

 

The truth was, I’d already gone in my diaper from earlier, “Yeah, and I probably need to change while I’m in there,” I told her, trying to keep it down so no one would hear.

 

“Well, let’s get one out of my purse, and you can go take it in there,” she told me, shuffling through her purse, pulling out a pull-up and a pad of wipes, handing them to me.

 

I turned about as red as the pepperoni I’d been eating. “Thanks, I’ll be right back,” I told her, before going in and taking a “walk of shame” with my new status to the bathroom.

 

Going in the bathroom, I wanted to get this done quick, and I managed it. I took it off, wiped myself clean, and pulled on a new one, before depositing the old one in the trash. It was a little inconvenient, but nothing too terrible, and I guess I could probably get used to it. I went outside to find Beth waiting for me, and handed her back the wipes.

 

“All clean and ready for putt-putt?” she asked.

 

“Yep!” I told her, and we went outside.

 

The rest of the afternoon was pretty uneventful. The mini-golf was actually pretty fun, and it was a fairly competitive game, with Beth winning at the end (“I’m a pro at these things,” she laughed).

 

We went home and Beth unloaded the new things and brought them up to my room, and I took my normal routine of going swimming in the afternoon. Beth made us some spaghetti that night, which was absolutely amazing, and we went and watched TV before Beth announced it was time for bed.

 

I skipped the shower, and went and got on the bed, waiting for the nightly ritual of Beth getting me ready for bed. She appeared soon after, grabbing a diaper and a tub of wipes out of the dresser and setting them on the bed next to me. She had me lay on the bed, carefully popping each side off, before removing it, wiping me down, and then lifting my ankles up before sliding the new diaper under me, and taping it up.

 

“All done and all clean and ready for bed sweetie,” she told me, smiling down on me, “sweet dreams angel.”

 

“Goodnight Beth, and thank you for everything, as strange as these circumstances are,” I told her.

 

“Hon I’ve told you, it’s no problem, I really don’t mind,” she told me, “now go get some sleep, you had a long day,” and turned off the light and closed the door.

 

I got under the blanket, and stared at the ceiling for a little bit, reflecting on just exactly what a crazy day it actually had been. Thankfully it was over, and I could get some sleep. I felt a little pee trickle in my diaper as I dozed off.

 

The next few weeks went pretty well. I got into a routine of changing myself at work, and Beth took care of it at night. We went out and did some stuff after work, caught a few ballgames, and even got to visit Dana and her girls again. Her husband was home, and I tried to keep my bathroom status as low-key as possible, trying to fit in by talking sports and the like. All in all, it was a pretty good time.

 

Unfortunately for me, these good times were coming to an end. In the coming weeks, tragedy struck.