Anonymous12

Hi there, I have not posted in awhile but I think I have made some progress in accepting my ABDL side. I no longer feel as much shame, but now I’m trying to figure out what a healthy relationship would look like with an incorporation of my kink. My little age is 2 and he needs a lot of care. His name is Tommy and he can still talk but he is not potty trained. I feel like this is different from other kinks like feet that are not as involved as being an adult child. I still feel a lot of anxiety about meeting a guy who would be ok with this. I also have cerebral palsy so I kind of need someone else to participate in order to fulfill this fantasy. I’m wondering how other ABDL’s give back to their partner so there is more give and take if that makes sense. Thanks!

Thank you so much!

Hi there, I have a question for people who use wheelchairs and have been on strolls through the park/trail. I used to use incontinence underwear (e.g. Depends) because my “natural incontinence” was more a few dribbles here and there. However, I like to go outside on strolls along a creek near my apartment and I typically have to pee about halfway through. I used to hold it until I got to a restroom and it would get really uncomfortable. I began wearing the Amazon brand that said it absorbs as much as a diaper would but you can pull it up and down easily. I went for a stroll again today and on my way back I needed to pee really bad. I couldn’t go while there were other people around so I drove to a secluded area and did my business. It didn’t leak or anything and I felt a lot better afterwards. I am wondering if this is a common strategy amongst people in wheelchairs or if my fascination with diapers has anything to do with it. I just felt like a small child and I was wondering what others do. thanks!

@EnthusiI never thought about it that way. I think life would be different in a positive way if I kind of “expected” to have accidents. I can make it to the bathroom 85% of the time but sometimes my bladder leaks a little without my consent. I think the most difficult part is what @Kawaharusaid where feel like I was “thrown” back into pull-ups. I think I need to get to the point to where I fully acknowledge and be present when I’m changing rather than go on autopilot in order to avoid the emotions. I just wish I knew about this sooner…

So almost everyone who needs to know I’m partially urinary incontinent knows. I have cerebral palsy and so my muscles become weaker earlier since they get used more to do average things. Surprisingly, I have not noticed my other muscles doing the same thing but maybe that’s because it’s not as “in your face” as incontinence.Anyhow, I’m trying to finish the “denial portion” of my grieving process. When my pull-up is wet, I’m able to finally accept it and be mature enough to change myself. However, when I’ve been dry or mostly dry for a long time (4-5 hrs), my mind goes back to playing tricks on me where I know I’m incontinent but I keep hoping it will get better. I feel like I’m learning more about cerebral palsy and the aging process the hard way rather than getting it from the get-go.I would like to get to a point to where I fully acknowledge that my diaper/pull-up is wet and that this is not uncommon. I also don’t want to be too presumptuous but I’m guessing it will get worse so if anyone can relate to this state of mind and how to get past it, that would be awesome!Thank,

So my prayers were answered in a weird way. I was on my bed without any clothes on and all of a sudden, I watched a little urine leak onto my bed sheets. I’m disappointed that I am dealing with this but I don’t think my brain can deny it any longer.Now that I’ve ”seen” it, I just have to process what is going on. I’m getting there slowly but surely

Thank you guys! I think my problem is that I am having trouble listening to my intuition. I did make some progress today and transformed my closet into a changing room of sorts. My body is telling me that because of my cerebral palsy, I developed neurogenic bladder. I think the humiliation component is the hardest to overcome. I know I mentioned this before but I was not prepared for this at all. I’m glad that @~Brian~ mentioned I might become fecally incontinent at some point because I know in advance. This kind of sprang up on me and I’m struggling to let go of the belief that I can overcome anything if I just tried hard enough. I’m trying to trust my intuition but I’m guessing it’s too scary to do so. The simplest explanation is that my cerebral palsy is causing my urinary problems and that I just have to find a way to cope I wish I could get to a point where I know in my heart and soul that my CP is the main culprit and integrate it rather than obsess about it. I apologize if I am repeating myself, I’m just trying to figure this out

Hi all, Thank you for the responses, they have really helped. I hope I get to a place to where I feel more humble and less judgmental. I am closer to fully acknowledging my incontinence but I think I’m afraid of being vulnerable with people. My private areas just feel less private and that is a hard thing to come to terms with. What I mean is that in any given week, at least three different people are putting powder on me and there are less boundaries. I know I said this before but I just can’t believe I became the person that I pitied before. I used to think like “Thank God I’m not in diapers like my friend ***” and then lo and behold ten years later, I’m in the exact same situation. I just want to get to the point to where I fully acknowledge that I can’t control my bladder and that requires extra care. As I’m writing this, I am realizing that life is short and 1) It’s something I can’t control, and 2) That’s just…reality. I also hope I can get to a place where I stop coming up with these psychoanalytic reasons as @~Brian~ said. Occum’s razor says that my bladder problems are due to my cerebral palsy. It’s just such a huge adjustment. What helped you guys? I apologize if you already answered this question.

@~Brian~ Are bowel spasms also part of cerebral palsy? I noticed I had a very small BM in my pull-up today and I was just wondering if that is “normal” for us.

Thank you @~Brian~and @Kawaharu for sharing your experiences. I think when I’m struggling with something, I tend to overthink and/or rationalize it away. I took several tests and my kidneys look healthy and I don’t have an infection. Therefore, when I take away all the cloudiness, I think my cerebral palsy is the primary reason why I am experiencing this. A little background about me. I have a Masters degree in social work and I graduated with a 3.76 GPA. I went to the honors college in undergrad and I work very hard. When I was born, the doctors told me that I would not be able to talk or walk. However, through hours and hours of physical, occupational, and speech therapy, I was able to defy them and walk independently and communicate without a machine or using sign language. I still use my wheelchair for long distances but I can walk independently at home. Therefore, when it comes to my urinary incontinence, it feels like I should be doing something to “fix” this because that is what I am used to. I’m not used to dealing with a problem that may get worse over time and there’s almost nothing I can do about it. I know I’m going to be in pull-ups for awhile and probably go back to diapers eventually and I am in this weird space where I feel helpless, both physically and mentally. I hope that one day I have more clarity where I can acknowledge that it’s not my fault. I just really don’t like exposing myself everyday to people when they put powder on me. I think there’s such a power differential that I don’t know how to handle it. Thank you once again for sharing and helping me on this journey.

@~Brian~ Thank ya for normalizing how many people with disabilities wear diapers. I took the first step out of denial when I ordered pull-ups with a wetness indicator. I used the ones from the grocery store for a little bit and it fueled my denial because I always attributed the wetness to sweat rather than a small accident. However, once I ordered the new ones I have been getting, I notice every 2-3 hrs, I’ll go to the bathroom and the yellow stripe has turned dark blue. It was at this point that my brain fought even harder and thought “Well I have not done tests yet so I don’t know for sure my bladder is spasming”. Even though my brain is protecting me, it’s also extremely confusing. I hope I get to the point to where I fully acknowledge that there was almost nothing I could have done to prevent this from happening. I also have to agree with you that I might become fecally incontinent as well. I think the part I’m dreading is knowingly having to push because I have no choice. Sometimes I feel this now with my bladder where I’ll be outside or the urge will come suddenly and I have this vague sensation of consciously peeing a little before I make it to the toilet. I feel bad for my helpers who might change me because it might be a chore. I’m trying hard to look at the evidence and I feel like a typical Millennial where I’m like “I can’t believe this is happening to me” I wish I had more information about the exact nature of the brain with cerebral palsy and why incontinence can start in your mid-twenties. I feel like I’m caught between “knowing” and “not knowing” which is a weird place to be in.

Thank you @~Brian~ I guess I never really thought about it in that way. I do have a “little” side but I always wanted to do that voluntarily rather than it being forced on me by my body. I have a cuestión, did you used to have full continence? If so, when did that begin to change? I’m just trying to understand my body better and what is going on with it. I had a friend in elementary school that wore diapers his whole life until 14 and even though I felt bad for him, I never wanted to end up like that. I guess sometimes it’s hard to look at yourself in the mirror and right now it’s easier to pretend it’s not my cerebral palsy when I know deep down it is. I think this might be the result of being raised in a generation where I was told I could do anything I set my mind to. The good news is that I’m in pull-ups because I’m only dealing with urinary incontinence so it’s not as bad as taped diapers. I guess I don’t have enough humility yet to acknowledge my problem. It also doesn’t help that my ABDL side is glamourizing the idea of being completely incontinent when it’s a lot to emotionally deal with.

Hi,I have athetoid cerebral palsy and I’m still struggling to accept my new reality. I’ve made some progress in accepting my neurogenic bladder and incontinence but I feel like the more comfortable I get with it, the more infantile I feel.. I guess I’m still grieving the fact that I’m losing strength sooner than I thought I would (I’m 26).I used to have my helpers put on baby powder while standing up but I noticed that it is a lot easier for both of us when I’m laying down. I got a makeshift changing mat until I get one online. I just feel more and more infantile the more I take care of myself. I think I’m angry because I thought I knew the prognosis of my cerebral palsy and apparently I didn’t. I guess this is part of having a disability…I just didn’t expect to be four years old again so fast. I am also embarrassed and sad because I feel so vulnerable when someone is helping me change. Thank you for listening to my rambling, if anyone with cerebral palsy has gone through this and have some coping strategies I would really appreciate it! Thanks!

Hi, I hope cerebral palsy and I’m going on an accessible hike on Sunday and I wanted to know how to manage bladder spasms. I’m trying to decide what I should pack and what to do with a wet diaper if that does happen. Thanks for reading!

Hi all, Hi all,So even though the ultrasound test didn’t work out on Monday, I saw my urologist via Zoom today and through the process of elimination of possible causes, we were able to come to the conclusion that I have neurogenic bladder. I was hoping that the cause was something else besides my cerebral palsy but it doesn’t look like there are any other potential causes. It’s not the result I would have liked but I have to deal with what I have.I already found comfortable diapers that I like that last a long time as well so I don’t completely wreck the environment throughout my lifespan. I’m also learning how to allow myself to use them when I need to in order to get through a meeting and/or class. This past weekend I took a lot of breaks and I feel like I missed a lot during class so I’m looking forward to seeing how my strategy works.I’m hoping that my acceptance and confidence will help me to move past the part of me that is afraid to engage with friends/potential partners.I‘m also hoping to adapt if it does get worse over time. The only challenge I have right now is when I bend over and my waistband gets exposed. I feel like I want to own this part of me because stigma thrives in silence but I also don’t want people to think I’m not smart. I do have a couple questions: Did either of you have a ”normal“ bladder before developing neurogenic bladder? How did you adjust?Also, how do you guys wet when you need to? I sometimes have long meetings and I wish I could let out a little bit so I’m not uncomfortable.Thank you to all who listened and read this, any advice would mean a lot.Thanks!

Do you know of any “success” stories?

Hi guys, I’m gay and I developed slight urinary incontinence over the past couple months. I’m worried about meeting a guy and being rejected for a possibility of a wet bed while doing adult activities. I’m also still confused about the biology behind cerebral palsy and why it doesn’t show up until your 20’s. I’m kind of in between denial and anger. I wish there was a possibility to go back to regular underwear but pads are too hard to change and I need protection. Has anyone ever dealt with these feelings?

Hi there,My name is Rory, I’m 25, almost 26, and have cerebral palsy. I have a question about coping with uncertainty around the causes of my urinary incontinence.A little background, I am in recovery because of some events I went through growing up. I stopped drinking five months ago and that helped me go from wetting the bed to just having several tiny daytime accidents during the day.I went down to pads but they are really difficult to put in underwear so I’m back to pull-ups. I still drink coffee but I drank a large coffee every morning in undergrad from Dunkin Donuts and I never had this problem. I think I’m still somewhat in denial about the possibility I might be going through premature aging. I’m hoping that it’s just temporary but I don’t have a lot of hope about that. My urologist doesn’t seem to be that interested in helping me so I have an appointment in August (I know) with a better doctor that specializes in cerebral palsy.I also am gay so I would probably have to meet a guy into water sports or someone who is tolerant. I also worry about sex and what that will look like.If anyone has any tips in the meantime to cope with this unknown, that would be great.Thanks!Rory

@SunOfSheepDignity is more important than candy lol so thank you!

I feel like a small child asking this but I forget how parents potty train their child. I have cerebral palsy and started to have to wear protective underwear at 25 because my excretory muscles have begun to spasm. It’s so annoying to have to change a wet pull-up every hour. When I do sit on the toilet, it’s almost like my bladder doesn’t want to empty. It kind of reminds me of potty training when my bladder would shut off on the toilet. Part of me is still struggling to accept it have developed continence issues due to cerebral palsy but I still want to retain as much control as possible. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Hi guys I didn’t realize that I posted this not too long ago (oops). It looks like many other adults with cerebral palsy are experiencing the same thing. Apparently, it’s something that doctors avoid telling you in order to not scare you and then when it does happen, they’re like “oh yeah, that’s totally normal” ?. I think I’m going to use pull-ups for now because both my bladder and bowel muscles are effected. It’s not total incontinence but it’s more like a small involuntary movement. I just hope I don’t need taped diapers anytime soon…

@WetDadUnfortunatly, it is affecting both my bladder and bowels. I’m in a wheelchair so people will probably expect me to be wearing protection but don’t want to be too infantalized by other people. I love swimming and haven’t gone in the pool since COVID hit so I’m kind of psychologically at a loss. The one positive thing is that it is only spasms so I probably won’t smell but I’m still getting used to this.

Hi there, I have been posting periodically but I wanted to get advice because things have changed. I began wearing pull-ups about six months ago to deal with “functional incontinence”. However, over the past two/three months, I have experienced “natural incontinence” for lack of better word. Apparently the small involuntary movements in my arms/legs have traveled to my excretory muscles. Originally I thought I was too young but other adults with CP began having these symptoms in their mid-20’s. All of my doctors have told me this is “normal”. I have a couple questions. When you go swimming, how do you cope with inadvertently telling everyone you are somewhat incontinent? (I was recommended swim pull-ups). How do you cope with when you go to the bathroom and you get mad/upset that you realized your muscles spasmed? Finally, how did you accept the reality that you lost some continence sooner than you thought? Thanks for any information you can provide me!

Hi there, As a follow up to my last post, I’ve talked to my doctors and it looks like I am mildly incontinent due to my body having both bladder and bowel spasms. While I like the comfort that pull-ups have, sometimes I go to the toilet and it’s depressing so see I’ve had a small bowel movement without me knowing. I guess I’m still processing this fact. I didn’t think that I would ever be this disabled due to what my doctors told my parents at age 5. I’ve also learned the hard way that doctors’ projections about the course of disabilities can sometimes be inaccurate. I’m glad that I have only spasms and that I have a medical reason to wear comfortable underwear but I’m kind of afraid of what the future will hold (I’m 25). I have a couple questions: How do I go about getting used to wearing pull-ups? How do I get used to having to have people pull back my waistband if I feel something uncomfortable? How do I not perpetuate the stereotype that not all people in wheelchairs are incontinent? Thank you guys for reading this and I hope you enjoy your day.

Hi guys, So I wanted to provide some more context for the last post because I don’t think I really understood the details last time. I am a male in my 20’s with cerebral palsy. Over the past three months, I think I have been experiencing bowel spasms and some urinary retention. I notice after I eat that sometimes I get this really painful urge in my stomach and I have to relieve myself a little in my padding before I can get to the bathroom. I have involuntary movements in my arms and legs but I’ve never had these problems in my excretory muscles before. I also sometimes have bladder spasms without realizing it. In other words, these “spasms” feel almost exactly like what goes on in other parts of my body but nobody told me this would happen. Has anyone with CP developed these problems as young adults as opposed to something you are born with?