Chapter 2
Kelly stepped into the shower. It was a welcome interlude of autonomy and privacy, however short lived. Though it was, of course, always punctuated by what she could only bring herself to describe as a refastening. She stepped out of the shower, dried off, and was laid down on her bed to be secured into another "undergarment" by her housemate.
Kelly rose from the bed as Susan's hands had barely retreated. She staggered her way to her closet, indiscriminately groping for something to conceal herself with, before grabbing a modest black skirt. The scent of baby powder stagnated in the air. "Um, you know, I was actually thinking of going into town later today" Kelly stammered, frantically trying to ensure that the skirt concealed the despised garment.
"Town? Well, I'm a little busy around here today. I have two papers due next week, and I wanted to make us a nice dinner-"
"I-I meant alone. I was just thinking, you know, maybe I could get a part time job or something. I mean, I was just thinking, it's been almost three years, I don't feel as uncomfortable in public anymore-"
"Oh, sweetie, but what about your diaper? What would you do if you lost track of time and your diaper leaked? Or, god forbid, you got a rash? Why don't you wait until this weekend? We could have a fun girls' day out, and you wouldn't have to worry about any accidents."
Kelly winced at the first use of the word, and was nearly crying by the second. Though deflated, she pressed on. "Look, you know I appreciated all this when it first happened, but, but- maybe I want a life again. Maybe this isn't exactly how I wanted to be spending my twenties. I mean, you, you have a life outside of here, and-"
"Kel, life outside of here- adult life- isn't what you think it is. It's deadlines, it's exhaustion, it's constantly being worried that you're forgetting something. Not to mention that most grownups don't wear diapers, let alone have someone nice enough to help with them."
Teeming with frustration, Kelly started crying. She wanted to argue her piece further, but the words wouldn't come. Susan made her way over, enveloping her in a hug. She moved one hand up to Kelly's hair, affectionately caressing it.
"Hey, shh. Know what I think would make you feel better?" Susan grabbed a pacifier from Kelly's nightstand and held it up to her. "Would this help? Hmm?"
Kelly still couldn't speak through her tears, but her head eventually gave way to a resigned, reluctant nod. Susan smiled as she slipped it into her mouth. "Now, why don't you grab one of your fuzzy friends, curl up on the couch, and I'll get your sippy. Does that sound good?"
Kelly gave another muted affirmation. Some portion of her still screamed out for freedom, for independence, for adulthood- or at least something past the point of toddlerhood- but it had been drowned. Silenced. As she made her way to the couch- one hand being held by Susan, the other clutching her teddy bear, pacifier in mouth, and of course, the bulky absorbent garment around her waist- the yearning, if not the mere awareness, of a life beyond such things seemed to dissipate. Relegated to the status of a half-remembered dream. She sat down on the couch, ready to have her thoughts consist of nothing other than Barney or some similar pablum for the next couple hours. She giggled as Susan gave her a brief tickle.
But, as Susan's hands briefly grazed the incision scar, Kelly knew that her adult side couldn't be permanently suppressed.