terrified yokai

i'm not really a therian or otherkin but i do identify as non human especially having grown up in an environment where it was very clear that animals not only understood me better and were nicer to me than even my own human family but they cared  about me more as well  animals are the greatest and i want to do everything i can to protect and love them also because of my messed up life the only thing i can really develop actual romantic feelings for is an animal  not only that i'm not super great with body language so i typically sniff some one if i can't figure out how they're feeling or what's going on after all words can lie scent can't oh and this is kind of embarrassing to admit but i've  gone into actual heat.  ya know nausea, dizziness, clouded sexual judgement, discomfort of the entire body, squirming, extra sensitivity to touch especially affectionate touch, hugs, head pats, rubbing, ect. would almost make me cum but i usually tell people not to touch me and  do my best to stay home and in my room with the door closed  and try to do my best to ride it out until it temporarily stops. also i can't really see to well if it's brighter than mid evening and most sounds over 7,000 hertz are extremely, horribly ,painful. but once it goes past 18,000 hertz i can't really hear it any more. i like to clean a lot  but just until it's at least some what close to my standards and i'm usually super picky when it comes to cleanliness not a whole lot of people can reach my extreme cleaning standards so i usually end up cleaning for them. i have kind of an awkward sleep schedule i go to sleep anywhere from to one a.m. to 10 a.m. and sleep until anywhere from twelve noon to 5 p.m. at least when i'm able to be on my most healthy and effective schedule for myself my favorite foods are--- candy, chips, veggie burgers, rice with soy sauce, truffle mac and cheese, pastries, spinach pizza with alfredo sauce rather than tomato sauce and  vegetarian soups. i also can't really go poop or pee very well unless it's in a diaper which is kind of embarrassing.needing to buy and use them is embarrassing to but i can't do my business effectively without them. i'm thinking about telling my doctor and getting a medical order so they'll be easier to get. that way i'll be able to poop and pee easier not only that b i'll also be able to poop and pee whenever i need to. i won't get constipated anymore and i'll be able to go on a regular daily basis. no more suffering. (X-<)  ---> (:-D)  <3 ( :-) )  u////u