[Question On Diaper Situation]

Hey beachbunn - I understand your concern - and I have that same concern about a future wife. It's a tough thing. I've worn diapers on and off for about 7 years now (I'm 33) and I sure can't seem to quit them. But part of me still thinks that I could and should. I just love them sooooo much and don't know why I feel so much guilt/shame with them.

But I've wondered the same thing. I guess it's nice to know that atleast there are a bunch of people like us out there

[The Psyciatrists Have No Idea What To Do About Us...]

I gotta say, Toddler Pampers really got me thinking about insecurity.

It's a tough thing to admit, but,.. I am insecure! But I've always thought of myself as confident as long as I'm not wearing diapers, or as long as I don't masturbate, (for example) etc.... Ya, I know, sounds weird, but don't judge yet,... there is a point to all of this:

What I realized is that for the years and years I have attempted to control the above behaviors mentioned, it was actually an attempt to feel more secure or confident about myself - that's what I was trying to get out of it! I tried to gain more confidence from religion - I acutally was neurotic about praying before attemting any task, because I wanted to perform the said task perfectly (or atleast extremely well). (Don't get the wrong idea about religion or faith, it's an important part of my life, it's just that in hind sight, I was unbalanced and incorrect).

I've always been a very high achiever - straight A's in high school, summa cum laude from college, etc... in sales a top peformer. All of these on the surface would indicate confidence - but at the heart of them, a very high level of insecurity.

Thank you to all for the thread.

Brian

[The Psyciatrists Have No Idea What To Do About Us...]

Hello to everyone. I don't post very often, but thank you to all for their thoughts on this thread. I really enjoy more serious discussions such as this one, and from a personal standpoint, it's good to know that I'm not alone.

In regards to the confidence aspect, I find that I am less confident when I do wear - i.e., less confident in my decision making abilities and task oriented capabilities. It's almost as if I use my ability to abstain from wearing diapers as a control thing: the thinking goes in my mind something like, "As long as I don't wear diapers, then I can do things well, be myself, and be confident in my decisions." Of course that thinking tends to set one up for failure.

Well, thanks again for the thread everyone. Have a great day!

[Any Pointers On Starting A Local Support Group?]

There aren't any in my community, but I'll check out that site you mentioned. Thanks enfant.

There's a page with tips on that at http://understanding.infantilism.org/how_munch.php

First thing, though, might be to find out if there's one in your area already. Here's a list that might be helpful (though I'm sure it's far from complete): http://theghidrah.com/lgdp/

[Any Pointers On Starting A Local Support Group?]

Hi all - I hope this posting finds everyone well.

I was perusing around the meeting place section of the board recently, and I commented that the need to identify with a group is of signficance - a basic human need. I just think of how beneficial it would be to be able to hang out with other people who identify with this whole issue of diapers. It is difficult for me at times, to accept this part of me, and I know that actually getting to know others like me would prove to be beneficial (just from a support standpoint). I know others out there feel like I do in this regard.

My question is to those who have succeeded in putting something together - an event, or group in their respective areas. How did you do it? Any pointers? And finally, did it prove to be something that was beneficial or a disappointment?

Any feedback would be appreciated. Thank you everyone!

[Members In Texas]

I live close to Fort Worth. You know, I think it would be nice to meet some fellow AB/DL's just as kind of a support group thing or something - not as a "relationship" thing.

I think that the need to identify with others or some type of group is a very strong need basic to all humans. In my struggle to accept this fetish (or atleast to retain some type of perspective) hanging around some other's like me would be beneficial.

Do others concur?

[Future Wife Getting Used To A Dl]

I believe that communication is everything in relationships - w/out it, they are doomed to fail. Your soon to be wife seems to be sending you mixed signals - it's okay to wear diapers, but if you do it 3 days in a row, that's not okay. I believe that she is not really telling you how she feels about it. I would sit down w/ her and foster a very open and candid conversation about the issue. Find out her concerns, needs and beliefs. Maybe couples counseling would be a good idea - b/c a lifestyle issue like yours (ours) does not just go away. Maybe after counseling, a happy medium can be met in regards to this (you give a little, she gives a little). Maybe after counseling you find that honestly this fetish is destructive in your life and needs to be changed. Maybe after counseling everyone agrees after learning more about it, that it is okay and healthy - just a fun way to relax and be comfortable.

But to set up a pattern of not communicating and leaving big issues like these unresolved before marriage (even during marriage) will only eventually be destructive to the relationship.

Hope it helps!

[A New Twist For A Long Time Dl]

You never going to have a better opportunity to talk to your wife about it than what you have now. At some point, tell her that you actually kind of like this whole wearing diapers thing. Its comforting and makes you feel good (or whatever feelings you have... .just describe your feelings to your wife. Most girls eat it up when men share feelings). Tell her how much you are enjoying it and that you might be interested in continuing this even after you get better. I don't want to say its now or never, but its never going to be easier to bring up that it is now.

.

I definitely concur w/ Mr. Sea Otter - tell her. Open up to her. Women like for men to open up and share their feelings, concerns, fears, etc... Also, I think it's only right to tell her. What if she was hiding something from you for years and years? I believe that only true intimacy can be achieved when there are no secrets, and when there is openess and honesty.

Please don't get me wrong - I am not trying to be offensive, but just to offer some helpful suggestions . I hope you have a great weekend. Thanks.

[Learning To Accept This "fetish"]

Brianh, I wish i could offer up more to help in your quest for acceptance...but i think anything i could say has already been said and it's been said quite well. The only other thing i could possibly add is a bit from my own experience.

at 42 years old...this fetish has come and gone and come again for me...as mal said...getting rid of it...just "can't be done"....and while i think you could probably deny it for a while...or if you have a lot of will power.......you might be able to deny it forever......for me though i know even when i was in college and it wasn't any part of my life at the time......i'd still have diaper related dreams....and that was something i couldn't control....

i've struggled too with "right or wrong" probably most of us have....and....i consider myself christian though i probably could be a lot better christian then i am.......

one of the things i have learned in life is to accept others for who they are..............and now i am learning to accept myself in the same way....i'm not the smartest...the most beautiful....or even the "most" anything ......... but the one thing i do best is be me.........and i can strive to be a better me.......but as far as self improvement........my diaper wearing is pretty low on my list of "to do" projects......i may see my diapers as being a bit "self endulgent".......but in the realm of ways to improve myself....diaper wearing isn't a very significant thing...

i know everyone is different and how i look at life and how you look at life are going to be very different Brianh....but i hope these posts can somehow help you find a bit of relief from your struggle....

Lastly...a note of comment about this thread and the posts within........this thread is an awesome example of the support one can receive at DD. While lifestyles and thoughts may differ....we all seem to share a common link ... it' isn't just the wearing of diapers ...but also the emotional traumas as well as the pleasure they bring to us....and when one comes forward like Brianh has done .......the members band together to bring that person along...to move them towards a healthier and happier experience.......

gotta love DD.....

best wishes Brianh.......may your struggle be lessened

I really appreciate the thought and time put into your response - and thank you to everyone. I am impressed as Jenniebear indicated, with the support and realness here. As a struggler, I will ask the response to only one more question in this thread (at the risk of wearing everyone out!). As I inidicated earlier, I have talked to professionals that have different opinions on this. One vein of thought that I have been exposed to, is the possibility that diaper wearing is an addiction (under the category of sex addiction). Overcoming an addiction could be seen like a complete impossibility or likened unto, "cutting off one's arms and legs." Being from a conservative background, (and pleagued w/ the thought of needing to overcome this), i have tried 12 step programs, medication, and other big steps to eradicate this, but to no avail. I just wonder if my thinking is the same as that of an alcholic who says, "there is no way to overcome this", but the truth is, there have been lot's of folks who have overcome alcholism.

So sorry if I'm wearing everybody out on these questions; they are just one's I have grappled w/ for years. Thanks again to everyone who posted!

[How Many Of You Were Taught Shame From Your Parents]

yes i'm sure one of the reasons i started wearing was to "escape" the guilt = stress = fatigue = pain....that i felt as a young child........

in my family we had a game called "guilt" and our parents used and still use the "guilt" card whenever it's available.....in my first marriage i used it with my husband...guilt is a powerful and manipulative tool and can be used to get what one desires but..........it's not loving or giving.......it's actually just the opposite......

i hate having guilt used on me.......and when i analyzed the mistakes i'd made in my marriage.....i realized that i tried to control my ex with guilt just as my parents controlled me...........my ex was no walk in the park mind you......i was trying to "guilt" him into being a responsible adult........which he still has a hard time being...........but i was young and i just didn't understand how damaging it was ....as i've grown....i've come to realize that guilt wasn't how i wanted to get the things i needed into my life.......

in the relationship i am in now......i am very conscientious of not using the guilt card........though at times......i'm sure it rears it's ugly head........old habits are hard to break.....but i know how guilt has affected the rest of my life...especially in childhood.....and i've no desire to continue a trend that only causes misery...and heartache......i don't have children...but if i did......i would strive to not use guilt to manipulate or control them like i feel has been done to my sibblings and myself......our parents loved us...........i just don't think they were even aware that the manipulation they used with us was damaging......it was a means to an end for them.........and they got what they desired out of it........ didn't understand or even consider the effects and "emotional baggage" that are the result.........

thanks for your insight Jenniebear - I appreciate it.

[How Many Of You Were Taught Shame From Your Parents]

Alright, I tend to be a thinker and analyze things. I am reading a great book right now about healing shame. Shame seems to be at my core, and I know it's unhealthy. I also know that parents are role models for their kids and whether they realize it or not, if they have shame issues, they pass it on to the children they raise.

My question is, I know how shaming my parents were to me while growing up, and as a result I have a pattern in my life; and I suspect that maybe a common thread in many that find comfort in diapers (including me!) were parent(s) that were neglectful, distant, or shaming. I'm curious what others think.

I hope you all have a great weekend, and thanks for any input that you might have!

[Learning To Accept This "fetish"]

Brainh,

I too When I First began this Fetish felt as You Feel. I Also am a Christian, and after much thought, and Prayer I Felt that God Told Me that as Long as I dont Let Diapers Run or Completely Control my Life That they Are ok. For Me Some of the Pro's Are that My Depression has Lessened, And I have Become a More Confident Person, They are a Form of Stress Relief, and While I do wear 24/7, Diapers DO NOT Run or Control My Life. Just My Alternate Choice of Underwear! Lol. I Hope this Helps.

Rockies Fan Go Rockies in '08!

Thank you Rockies Fan in Diapers - really appreciate what you wrote. I too, notice that when I'm wearing, I'm actually more motivated to do things (projects, etc...) and not as depressed. I guess I should start focusing on the positive effects of wearing versus all of the fear based, "what if" questions that my mind so easily does.

Thanks again man - appreciate it.

[Learning To Accept This "fetish"]

I think with any subject, even ones not relating to fetishes, you will always find differing opinions. In this day and age most mental health professionals would not consider it a problem unless - as Diapermommie said - it was causing you emotional distress or harming others. As with most things ... everything in moderation. I don't know about the mental health qualifications of the Christian counsellors that you spoke to but I'm guessing that their response is more than likely based on their religious beliefs. In the end, only you can decide what is in your own best interests.

Perhaps some of the board's Christian members can jump in here and give their take on how their religious beliefs affect their diaper-wearing needs.

Well to everyone that posted a reply, I really appreciate it. This does cause me emotional distress and affects me, but I think it's a journey to acceptance, and as Pipsqueak first stated, I'm definitely not alone, and once I can finally come to terms w/ it, I will have more peace of mind. I've tried a lot of measures to eradicate it from my life (some very big measures) but I can't. It's like being caught between a rock and a hard place, and I've put off a lot of living in the mean time, thinking I had to be perfect.

Well thanks again everyone, and I find some comfort in the fact that I'm not alone in this.

[Learning To Accept This "fetish"]

There are lots of us here that can relate, brianh. But when you do finally accept it, it relieves a whole lot of stress and shame. Try to step back and observe it with a little distance. It doesn't harm anyone; unless you're totally obsessed with it 24 hours a day, it's likely not harming you. A diaper is merely underwear with a plastic covering. In the scheme of life, it's not really a big deal. There are times when I think the whole thing is completely silly and I laugh about it. And it is kind of silly, but who cares? I enjoy it and no one else has to participate unless they want to. It's part of who you are, but it's not all of who you are.

Thank you very much Pipsqueak for your reply - I appreciate it, and what you said makes a lot of sense. I guess the one question that comes to my mind from what you wrote is: is a "fetish" truly harmless. In other words, is it a sickness or addiction that should be overcome. What would the general consensus of mental health professionals be in regards to this. I've tried to research such questions on line and there are certainly differing views in regard to this. I talked w/ a sex therapist about it and she said, "It's no problem!" However, over the years I've talked to Christian counselors who seem to think this is unhealthy. What say you? Thanks.

[Learning To Accept This "fetish"]

Hey all - I wonder if anyone could give me some input. It seems like the journey of learning to accept this (diaper wearing) in my life is a difficult one for me. Can anyone else relate? For example, I truly love diapers - everything about them! However, when wearing, my mind seems to continually, almost obsessively go over and over the con's against wearing (why I should give them up) versus the pros -why I should learn to accept this. It kind of puts me in a fog and I feel like I slow down mentally. Does this make sense? Also, since I guess I haven't come to totally accept this in my life, I feel some shame over it especially when I'm around others.

Well, thanks everyone, and I hope you all have a great new year!