Shy-Diapers

Charlotte sighed a bit. “That wasn’t nice to say honey.” She corrected gently. “I wasn’t going to have her give them back to you. But it’s still not nice to say ew. She didn’t have any that fit her so she borrowed some of yours that are getting too small.” She nodded and let Rebecca start with the dresses. Leilani blushed a little when it was time to pick out her underwear. She looked around at the choices and wanted to be good so she listened to Tom. She wasn’t sure how many she was allowed to pick so she pointed to a pack with different designs from Bluey and then to a pack with some from Sofia the First. They were her two favorite shows, even if they were intended more for preschoolers or younger elementary kids. Once she’d made her selections, she looked up at Tom for approval, the dragon from earlier still clutches in her hand.

Charlotte thought for a moment as she put the shoes in the cart. “Let’s wait to get your backpack until we get your supplies when school gets closer.” She said as they headed over to the clothes. ”We’re not getting everything today but you can pick out three outfits.” She said when they found her section. “One outfit is a dress or a top and a bottom remember. And after you can grab a new pack of underwear since Lani has had to wear two of yours already.” She explained further. Lani held her dinosaur close as she felt a little overwhelmed. It was difficult keeping the prices in mind as well as the numbers of what she needed. She picked out a purple Tshirt with different colored butterflies along with a pink one with different colored hearts. After that she picked out a long sleeved black shirt with little gold stars and a white long sleeved one with frilly shoulders and some tiny hearts scattered around. The summer tops she picked were plain colored tank tops and when Tom mentioned nicer shirts she looked up at him. She was getting more overwhelmed and wasn’t sure what else she could pick. She was having more and more trouble and they’d only gotten her tops so far.

Lani listened to Tom and nodded. It seemed to make sense to her. She clutched it close to her chest and held the soft plush against her face, taking in the calming texture. When she figured out how after a moment, she turned the lights off on it, wanting them off for the time being. She let Tom take her to the next spot to shop for what she needed, clutching the dinosaur to her chest the whole time, already attached to it. Charlotte paused. “Not quite sweetie. I know you want to be big and grown up but you’re still too young.” She explained gently. She hated saying no, but ten years old was too young for even low heels. “Plus even for things like picture day or other nice events you’re doing lots of walking around. Heels aren’t comfortable to walk around in and can be dangerous if you’re not used to them.” She reasoned, hoping it would persuade her daughter. “You need something that looks nice but is still comfortable and you can walk around in safely and easily.”

For the first time Lani leaned into Tom when he picked her up. She was still on edge and uncomfortable after forcing herself to talk to Charlotte. She was already so stressed and worried and on edge since arriving with the family that having to be pushed even further out of her comfort zone was extremely hard on the poor girl. She looked up at Tom for reassurance when brought to the stuffed animal aisle. She looked around and her little brown eyes glimmered when she saw a pale green dragon stuffed animal. The shape and size of its features looked like it was supposed to be a baby. She reached out and held it up to Tom. Suddenly though she frowned and started putting it back. “I don’t want Mommy to get mad.” She said in a sad, quiet voice. “Those are great honey!” Charlotte said cheerfully. She grabbed Rebecca’s size and put them in the cart. “I want to get you ones you’ll actually wear and like.” She smiled and ruffled her hair, happy that even if it felt like Lani was rejecting her, she could focus on making Rebecca happy. ”Pick out a nice pair now.” She nodded toward the aisles with some dressier shoes.

“I don’t gotta go!” Lani insisted. She was trying to behave and be good, but it seemed Tom was constantly reminding her to go to the bathroom. She frowned when prompted to thank Charlotte. She stood in front of her as straight as she could though she kept her eyes glued to the floor, not looking up at her like she did with Tom. “Thank you for the shoes. They make me very happy.” She said with a flat tone, squirming uncomfortably as she spoke. She was clearly on edge and didn’t like being forced to talk to Charlotte. When Charlotte smiled and thanked her, she retreated back behind Tom’s legs and held onto his pants with one hand until they had moved away from Charlotte and Rebecca. When they got to the dress shoes, Leilani pointed to a pair of brown Mary janes. She wasn’t talking this time and nervously looked up at Tom, unsure if they were acceptable or not. She was fighting the urge to suck her thumb for comfort, but was determined to not act like a baby, even if she was overwhelmed and upset. Charlotte nodded at Rebecca and smiled. “You can get the roller shoes. Go pick out a pair of sneakers for school and some dress shoes.” She said cheerfully, following her along wherever she decided to look first.

Lani’s eyes lit up in a way Tom hadn’t seen before. She was so happy with the new shoes. She did a small jump in them, catching herself before her fell over due to being clumsy. She stifled a giggle when she saw the soles of the new sneakers lighting up. She hugged Tom’s leg and looked up at him when he finished talking to Charlotte. “Thank you!” She said happily. “I’ll be extra good and do whatever you say, I promise!” She added while still smiling just as much as before. She still associated new things, especially nice ones, with her having to do something in order to earn and deserve it. Charlotte smiled. “Rebecca really likes these. I think because she’s going into fifth grade this year and she’s double digits now she’s old enough to have them.” She said to Tom. When they finished, she put the shoes in the cart if Tom agreed. After that she took Rebecca with her to go pay for Lani’s shoes, taking the empty shoe box with them. “Why don’t you pick out a few new things to wear. I don’t want you feeling completely left out.” She said as they started walking back.

Lani was a little confused at first. She was used to getting the cheapest option possible. When Tom explained his logic and reasoning she supposed it made sense. She bit her lip and walked over with him to the shoes she saw before. She hesitantly pointed to the pair she loved so much on the shelf and looked up at Tom. “Is it okay if they’re immature?” She asked hopefully. There it was again, a word most nearly eight year olds would not understand or be able to use in casual conversation. She just knew it’s what her mother always said to mean babyish. Charlotte looked down at the shoes and thought for a while. “Let me think about it a bit sweetie. And let me ask Daddy. You know how we worry about your safety.” She said gently. Rebecca of course would need new shoes for school in a few weeks and she was going into fifth grade, so maybe something more mature was alright. But Charlotte wasn’t quite sure, especially because for the price they were, she wanted to make sure her daughter could actually run in them well enough for playing. “We’ll ask Daddy once Lani picks out her sneakers.” She said with a smile.

Charlotte nodded. “Once she has a pair of sneakers I’ll go pay for them real quick.” She confirmed when they arrived to the children’s shoe section. “I think at the very least she needs a pair of sneakers and maybe some nicer shoes?” She asked Tom. She had no idea how long they’d be keeping her, but she knew kids loved having special occasion things and wanted to give that to Lani since they could easily afford it. She turned to Rebecca. “Actually why don’t you pick some shoes out too. We might as well get some of your back to school shopping done while we’re here.” She said with a smile, not wanting her to overwhelm Lani. Lani blushed and nodded. She wasn’t used to anyone telling her to use the bathroom. She also really disliked using the bathroom in public since they were typically loud and smelly and bright. When Tom let her look around, Lani’s eyes were drawn to a pair of light purple Velcro sneakers covered in different colored flowers and lit up. She’d always wanted light up shoes and they seemed so pretty and cool, but then she remembered what her mother told her about wasting money. Pulling herself away from the shelf with the beloved light ups, she pointed out a pair of plain and cheaper priced sneakers, finding the ones with the smallest number on the price tag. “Are these okay?” She asked timidly.

Lani blushed when Tom took her to the bathroom. She was scared he somehow knew she wet the bed and that’s why he was asking. She didn’t put up a fuss however and slid off the overall straps and pulled down her underwear before sitting on the toilet. She only managed to get a few drops out before looking up at him, unsure if she could get up or not. Once he said it was okay, she wiped and washed her hands obediently. In the car, Lani stayed quiet as usual and felt embarrassed overhearing Tom and Charlotte talk about her clothes. She let Tom get her out of the car without protest, being a bit too uncoordinated and weak to unbuckle herself without great effort. She was slowly getting more and more comfortable around Tom and really starting to enjoy his affection. Charlotte opened the back door on Rebecca’s side and headed inside. “Do you want to help push the cart?” She asked Rebecca, wanting to include her even if she wasn’t getting much. Once they had a cart, she turned to Tom. “I think shoes are a good place to start, how about you?”

“Very cool!” Charlotte agreed. She nodded at Tom and smiled. “That sounds like a good plan.” Lani stiffened and sat up straight. She shook her head quickly and finished her food, scared she was in trouble. When everyone had finished eating, Charlotte stood up to clear the table. “Why don’t you go take your bath and get dressed sweetie. Then we can head out.” She said with a smile. Once everything was cleaned up and Tom had come back downstairs, Charlotte quickly finished getting ready. Lani frowned again when Tom left. She stayed silent in her seat while Charlotte cleaned up. When he finally returned, Lani couldn’t help but run up to him and hug his leg. She didn’t say anything, but she was clearly starting to attach herself to Tom.

Lani was relieved when Tom came back. She wanted to climb into his lap, but she was too big for that, and she saw Rebecca get told no the night before. Plus she couldn’t be showing any vulnerability around Charlotte or Rebecca. When everyone else started to eat, she finally did too. Charlotte could tell Rebecca was still tense and she couldn’t blame her. It was hard adjusting to Lani, and Rebecca was still a child. Wanting to cheer her up, she decided to make conversation. “Becca is doing really well in soccer!” She said cheerfully. “She might get to play on the team when school starts.”

Lani nodded and climbed into the chair as she was told. She frowned a bit when she saw him walk away, leaving her alone with Charlotte. The little girl swallowed hard and stared at her lap, squirming anxiously in her seat as she tried to behave herself. She was struggling not to immediately when the food was in front of her, but she didn’t want to make Charlotte mad at her. “She went to the bathroom.” Charlotte said with a nod in the direction. She smiled at Lani and tried to talk to her a bit, but gave up when she was only met with silence.

Charlotte smiled. “I’m so glad!” She said cheerfully. She knew that Rebecca took her accidents really hard, so she tried to be as supportive as possible. “I’ll talk to Daddy and see if we can’t get you some.” She didn’t want to promise getting her daughter anything but didn’t want her feeling left out either. She was going to remind her that they were shopping for Leilani, but she had run off. Lani looked up at Tom and couldn’t help but feel embarrassed when he asked if she’d gone to the bathroom. Her cheeks felt warmer suddenly and she wondered if he somehow knew what happened. She was a little surprised to be carried downstairs, but she was starting to get used to it. Maybe Tom wasn’t so scary after all. She even kind of liked all the affection he gave her, she couldn’t remember ever having been given so much affection at home. She looked up at him when she was set down, unsure what to do other than just stay where she was. She still didn’t trust Charlotte and Rebecca. “That sounds like a plan. We can probably get everything we need at Target. Maybe you can get her to tell you what kind of food she likes to eat too.” Charlotte agreed. She dished out some eggs and toast to everyone, trying not to be affected when Lani didn’t say anything to her.

Charlotte got up around seven the next morning. She showered and headed downstairs after she got dressed for the day. “Morning sweetheart.” She said cheerfully as she headed into the kitchen to start on some eggs. Lani woke up in a panic around seven thirty. She’d had a nightmare, like she had for the past week, and took a while to remember where she was. When she finally calmed down a little bit, she realized she’d wet the bed. Panicking and being scared, she climbed out of bed and looked around. She decided her best course of action was to make her bed as she usually would to hide the soaked sheets. Afterwards she got changed into the clothes Tom had set out for her. She hid the wet nightgown and underwear under the bed. It was only then she remembered the chicken nuggets from the day before, so she shoved those under the bed too. Once she was dressed, she quietly crept outside her room and shut the door. Not knowing what to do or where she was allowed to go, she decided to just stand outside her door until she got told otherwise.

Charlotte sighed and sat on the edge of Rebecca’s bed. “It’s okay sweetie. It was an honest mistake. But she’s not an orphan. Orphan means you don’t have parents or a family. She has a mom still, she’s just very sick.” “Lani doesn’t have clothes that fit her very well so that’s why Daddy did that. There’s no way she could guess about your accident I promise.” “We’re going shopping tomorrow so she can get some things she needs. She’ll be eight next week. And we’ll see if you can get something.” When Rebecca rolled over again, Charlotte left the room and turned out her light before going to her room. She shrugged when Tom started talking to her. “Her mom has been sick for a while from what they made it seem like. Sometimes when kids grow up in poverty they have to grow up faster than they should. Maybe it’s a cultural difference too.” “I think blaming herself is the most normal thing she’s done since she got here honestly. I imagine most kids especially at her age would do that. Plus I’m sure her other foster homes had something to do with that since they sent her back at the first sign of trouble.” She reasoned, really not seeing any issues unlike Tom. “Her file has a lot of examples. I’m a little surprised they even wrote that much about her to begin with. I think you’re getting too emotionally attached to the poor girl to think clearly.” Charlotte said calmly. “Now I’m not saying we should send her back. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be keeping an eye on her in regards to her behavioral problems.”

Charlotte could tell Rebecca was a little moody but she assumed it was just being tired. Lani was a little confused when Tom let her keep reading after Charlotte said it was time for bed. She didn’t last too much longer though before she started to get tired. She watched Tom leave her room after tucking her in. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been tucked in. Once he was gone, she curled up and closed her eyes, falling asleep shortly after. It had been a long day for the little girl. She stayed completely asleep even after Tom brought fresh clothes for her. Charlotte waited a little while and then went up to say goodnight. She kissed her daughter’s forehead gently. “Goodnight sweetheart.” She said softly, unsure if she was awake or asleep since she was turned away.

Lani realized she’d really have to get used to being carried around. Tom seemed to enjoy it and she didn’t want to argue. She sat on the couch next to him and opened up the Harry Potter book he had given her to read. She had seen older kids read the books but had never tried them herself. She stayed there content and silent in her reading for as long as Tom was next to her. She was aware Rebecca was on the floor nearby. She didn’t love the girl being so close, but she didn’t say anything. After the kitchen was completely clean and Charlotte had finished the dishes, she glanced at the time. “Time to get ready for bed kiddo.” She said to Rebecca as she walked into the living room. “Let me know if you need help with anything, otherwise I’ll be up to say goodnight.”

Leilani stepped aside so Rebecca could wash her hands. She didn’t know what to say to her. She didn’t really have friends at school so she didn’t have good social skills. She also had no idea how old Rebecca was or really anything about her. When she saw Tom come back and approach her she looked up at him. “May I read?” She asked quietly. She didn’t want to play with Rebecca but also didn’t want to just sit and do nothing. While she still didn’t completely trust him, she was definitely relieved when she saw him coming again. Charlotte got up and started cleaning up the rest of the table and the kitchen from cooking.

Lani watched where Tom gestured and went off to the bathroom. She washed her face and hands off. Once she was done, she just stood outside the door. She wasn’t sure where she was allowed to go or what she was allowed to do. She also didn’t know where much was in the house. Tom had showed her of course but she didn’t quite remember yet. “You can just load the dishwasher sweetie. I have to wash the pan and pack up leftovers so I can run it later.” Charlotte said with a smile. “After that you can go play or do whatever you want before bed.”

Charlotte sighed. She wanted to comfort Rebecca, but at ten years old, something like this wasn’t really enough to warrant sitting in her lap at the table without even asking. “Sit in your chair sweetheart.” She said gently. “I’m right here next to you, but we both need to eat and that’s not going to happen with you in my lap.” She added in a kind tone. “I love you too.” Lani stayed silent while she continued to eat. She wasn’t thrilled about being in Tom’s lap but she wasn’t going to say anything. She didn’t want to risk having her food taken away. She didn’t say another word at the table but did quickly finish the food on her plate and milk in her cup.

Lani was startled when Tom picked her up to hug and comfort her. She wasn’t used to so much physical affection. Her mother wasn’t very touchy so she couldn’t remember the last time she was just held and rocked. It was definitely surprising. She got scared that she’d be in trouble since she made Rebecca cry, but she was adamant that Charlotte was not her mother. “I have a mom!” She insisted in a quieter voice. “She’s gonna get better. And I’m gonna be good. And I’m gonna go back home again.” She was fighting the tears that she could feel were coming. Nobody had taken the time to explain much to her, but she knew her mother was sick and if she got better and Lani learned to behave she’d get to go back to living with her like before. She had spent her time in foster care so far being bounced around so much she had to pretend to be strong and brave, even if in reality she was sad and just wanted her mom back. She stayed quiet after that. She was disappointed that her outburst had caused her to be removed from her dinner. She hadn’t expected that outcome. She also didn’t really think much before saying her statements out loud. She assumed that because Tom picked her up and put her in his lap in his seat she wasn’t allowed to keep eating. Charlotte frowned and sighed. The girl had been with them for less than twelve hours and she’d already made Rebecca cry. She was wondering if taking her in was such a good idea after all. “It’s okay sweetie. I know you weren’t trying to be mean.” She said sympathetically. “It was just a misunderstanding. Lani has a mom. She just needs some time to get better so Lani is staying with us for a while.”

Lani didn’t want to argue with Tom so she just nodded. She accepted the extra book and held them while she saw Tom and Charlotte talking. Charlotte set the table for everyone and gave everyone some milk as well as putting lasagna on everyone’s plate along with some green beans. She smiled and sat down to eat, happy that Rebecca was having a good day and that it seemed like Lani was at the very least talking to Tom which was more than she could say for herself. Lani sat silently at the table, starting to eat only once she was told she could. She did pause however when she heard Rebecca. She frowned and scowled. “She’s not my mom!” She said sternly to the bigger girl. “I have a mommy!” She insisted. She wasn’t trying to be mean or rude, but she didn’t appreciate Rebecca trying to erase her mother that she loved so dearly.

“I’m sorry.” Lani said while she hung her head. She felt like she did something wrong. “I wasn’t trying to be arrogant.” She said, parroting back what her mother said to her when she talked too much about being good at something. She nodded when asked about what grade she was going into. “I read all the time. It’s my favorite thing to do.” She said quietly. She was still feeling scared and unsure of everything after having seen Tom read her file. She looked at the various books but was a little overwhelmed and didn’t know what to pick. “It’s okay honey you just need to tell someone before it becomes an emergency.” Charlotte said gently. She was able to pull off at a drug store. She turned the car off and took Rebecca inside and stood outside the bathroom stall while she went. Once Rebecca finished in the bathroom, they went back to the car and started driving back home. When they eventually arrived home, Charlotte smiled, not wanting Rebecca’s mood to be sour the rest of the night. “Go wash up then we can eat dinner.” She said as they walked inside. “We can get the table ready for dinner now.” She said to her husband when she saw him in the living room before heading to the kitchen to take the lasagna out of the oven.

“I read Black Beauty last year.” Leilani said quietly. She hesitantly grabbed the other book he suggested and looked it over. It seemed fine, if a little less mature than she typically read, but she wasn’t one to complain when given the opportunity to read. “That sounds interesting.” She said when Tom mentioned the book he’d read. He mentioned that they bought books for Rebecca and she wondered about the girl. Nobody told her much about her. She wanted to know if the girl was older than her or just bigger. Most of the other kids in her grade were bigger than her, so she never knew if someone was older just based on size. “I’m so glad!” Charlotte said cheerfully. She was always happy to see her daughter enjoying herself. She glanced over at a red light and raised her eyebrows, noticing Rebecca’s movements. “Becca, do you need to go to the bathroom?” She was pretty sure she knew the answer, knowing Rebecca’s movements and habits pretty well, but she wanted her to admit it and communicate her own needs.

Lani frowned. She was surprised that Tom seemed willing to keep her at all. But she didn’t like that he wasn’t completely sure. Not knowing how long she’d stay or if she’d be sent to the group home everyone talked about was scary for the little girl. She stiffened and startled when he picked her up and carried her to the books. She wasn’t expecting to be carried around by anyone. She couldn’t remember the last time her mom carried her or even held her. She looked around at the books and was a little overwhelmed by the choices. At school she was used to things being organized by genre and difficulty or she could talk to the librarian. “I don’t know.” She said meekly. “I read Bridge to Terabithia right before they took me from Mommy.” She said as she looked around at the choices. Charlotte had finished prepping dinner and had left it in the oven to keep warm. She headed over to pick Rebecca up from practice. She smiled and walked up to where her daughter and the coach were, happy to see Rebecca enjoying herself. “Hey honey. How’d practice go?” She asked as they headed back to the car.