Shy-Diapers

Lani nodded. She didn’t quite know if she believed or understood everything Tom was saying, but he seemed to mean it and he was being nothing but nice to her. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad place to be if she couldn’t be with her mom. She let Tom get her dressed and hugged him as he spoke more. Having been deprived of affection at home for so long, the little girl was desperate for it now that she had been given a taste of how much comfort it could bring. She stepped back and shook her head when he asked to brush her hair. “It’ll hurt!” She whined softly, not in a defiant way, but in a worried way. Her hair was a massive tangled mess in the ponytail. It was clear nobody had bothered washing or brushing it for at least the time she’d been in foster care.

“I miss when Mommy was nice.” Leilani said softly. Her voice wasn’t sad necessarily, but more like she was stating a fact. She nodded about the ice cream. She wasn’t in a mood to eat right then. Her mind was too busy. She looked at the clothes in front of her, a little overwhelmed. She didn’t think she’d ever had this many brand new clothes that fit her at one time. She pointed to a pink short sleeved dress with brown horse silhouettes all over. She then looked up at Tom for approval, still sucking her thumb and holding her dragon. Between her size, the thumb sucking, and the wet clothes she just had on, the soon to be third grader looked more like she was in kindergarten. “Can I wear that one?” She asked hopefully. “And Bluey undies?” She added, pointing to the package of new underwear. “Please.” She quickly said after, not wanting to be in trouble for forgetting her manners.

“I know you do sweetheart. Nobody is mad or upset. We just want it to not happen for your sake.” Charlotte explained gently. She put the mop away and set the timer on the cookies in the oven. Lani sniffled and looked up at Tom. She didn’t really feel like eating her ice cream right now. It certainly showed her state of mind. She had devoured any food in front of her since she arrived but now she was refusing. She was too upset to want any ice cream. She nodded along to what he was saying. She couldn’t help it and put her thumb in her mouth as she held her dragon to her chest. “I’ll tell you.” She said quietly. It seemed fair to her. He’d stop bothering her in the daytime and he’d help her clean up in the mornings. When she was completely stripped down she looked up at him with wet eyes still. “You’re so nice to me.” She said, a little surprised by the situation she found herself in.

Lani felt her cheeks get hot. She looked down at her lap uncomfortably. What Tom was saying made sense, but she couldn’t bring herself to admit to him that she wet the bed at home too. What was her excuse then? She sniffled and stood still in her room while Tom went to get her clothes. She was too anxious and scared at the moment to eat her ice cream. She just wanted to get clean clothes on. Charlotte sighed a bit. “Becks you know better than that.” She explained gently. “You know that you can’t hold it that long sometimes. If you need to go and there’s a bathroom available you go right away. The cookies would still have been here afterwards.” She shook her head as she finished cleaning up. “And we’ve told you before to go to the bathroom right away if you know an accident is happening.” She bent down to Rebecca’s level and made eye contact with her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. “You’re going into fifth grade in a few weeks. You need to listen to your body sweetheart.” She pulled her into a hug. “I’m not mad or upset. You just need to listen to our rules. We tell you these things for a reason, I promise.”

“This hasn’t happened in over a year. I’m not sure what’s up with her.” Charlotte said with a sigh as she started mopping up the puddle. “I haven’t seen her since the car.” She said in reference to Lani. Lani’s head bolted up and she stiffened when she heard Tom. She felt her heart pounding and her chest was tight. The tears started coming faster and harder as she tried to scoot backwards in fear. “I-I’m sorry-y!” She sobbed as he approached her. She held her knees to her chest and looked up at him. Rebecca’s overalls and the towels underneath her were darker and obviously wet.

Charlotte smiled and let Rebecca do almost everything, but was still insistent on some things being too advanced for her. Especially since Rebecca wasn’t always the most careful. When she heard her daughter she looked over and frowned, sighing a bit. “Becca…” She started gently. “You know that when you feel something starting or know it’s happening you still try to get to the bathroom. You don’t just stand here if you know it’s happening.” She sighed and shook her head. When she was sure Rebecca had finished she nodded towards the stairs. “Go get changed and cleaned up. I have to clean this up now.” She said gently. She wasn’t mad or upset at Rebecca, but did wish she was a little more careful and wouldn’t always have her head in the clouds. When Rebecca ran off she turned to Tom. “I don’t know what happened. Everything was fine until she just suddenly told me she forgot to use the bathroom.”

Charlotte smiled. She grabbed out the ingredients from the fridge that they’d need and started pre heating the oven. She opened her recipe box and grabbed a recipe card for chocolate chip cookies, per Rebecca’s request. She let Rebecca do as much as she wanted and was able to while she grabbed the chocolate chips. “Chocolate chips it is!” She said cheerfully. Charlotte was happy that Rebecca was taking everything well. She hadn't expected it but it was definitely a relief. She was still a little hurt about Lani obviously, but she decided to channel that energy into doting on Rebecca and giving her extra attention.

“I say just continue to be nice to her, but give her some space. She only just got here yesterday.” Charlotte said warmly. “I’m sure she’ll open up more when she gets more comfortable.” “How about we make some cookies just for fun.” She suggested and stood up. “No pressure of them being for Lani so there’s no disappointment if she doesn’t want them. But we can still make some and offer them to Daddy and her. How does that sound?”

Charlotte just gave Tom a look that indicated they’d talk more about the subject later. “I’m glad sweetie.” She said smiling. “I don’t think it’s that she doesn’t want friends. She’s just scared and trying to figure everything out.” She nodded at Rebecca. “It’s a scary thing to feel all alone. It’s normal to feel scared like that.” She smiled and pulled her daughter in close and wrapped an arm around her. After a little over an hour of napping, Lani woke up crying in Tom’s bed. She was even more confused this time around. Not only was she not in her bed at home, but she wasn’t even in the same bed as the night before. When her memory caught up to her she felt her cheeks get hot and her heart start racing more. Tom had found out that she wet her bed last night and laid her down here. She looked down at the towels underneath her and frowned. She’d soaked herself and the towels. The bed underneath was still dry, but Lani was still humiliated and scared. She sat up and held her dragon to her chest as she cried quietly. She didn’t want to leave the room and get caught in soaking wet clothes by anyone, especially Rebecca since they were her clothes. She didn’t know where to go or what to do so she just sat there.

“Hopefully her mom can get things together enough to start visits relatively soon.” Charlotte agreed with a sigh. She smiled a little sadly at Tom. “I know I was the one who wanted to foster or adopt. Of course I’m a little hurt Lani doesn’t like me yet, but I’m glad we’re giving her a safe home. I’m happy just doting on Becks a bit more in the meantime.” She chuckled. “Hey sleepy head.” She said affectionately. “Lani is taking a nap upstairs. Today was a lot for her and she needs some time to relax and get some rest. She’s going through a hard time right now.” She hugged Rebecca when she came close and smiled.

“Of course I’m willing to help in any way I can. But I think she’s established you as her primary caregiver, at least for the time being.” Charlotte agreed. She nodded as Tom continued. “I hope for her sake she is. Lani seems to want to go home so badly. So I’m glad that at least she’s with a family that will try to help her get back home.” “Honestly she’s taking it pretty well. She’s kind of upset that Lani doesn’t talk to her much and she’s scared of upsetting her, but all in all she’s taking it really well. She’s starting to understand more that Lani is different than her and what she expected out of a foster kid. I think it’s going as good as it can be.” Charlotte responded, a little surprised at how smooth it’s been with Rebecca.

Charlotte frowned when she heard Tom. “Poor thing.” She said with a sigh. “I can’t blame her. She must be terrified and under so much stress.” She sat down with her husband and gave a slight shrug. “Honestly I think that’s up to you at this point.” She said a little sadly. “It seems like you’re the one who will need to be caring for and helping her for the most part. She’s attached herself to you like a baby duckling and won’t even speak to me.” She continued with a small smile. “She’s definitely not what we expected when we said we’d foster a troubled seven year old.” She paused for a moment. “But her social worker did say we’re her last chance at a normal home. She’s already been bounced around so much I’d hate to see her have another new house. But what do you think? Are you up to it?”

Lani sobbed uncontrollably as Tom spoke to her. The floodgates had opened and she couldn’t stop them no matter how hard she tried. She clutched her dragon close to her chest when he gave it back to her, her little body shaking as Tom hugged her. The poor thing was terrified. She wasn’t expecting to get spanked or anything. To be honest she didn’t know what she was expecting. Nobody knew she wet the bed, she’d never been caught before. This was extremely uncharted territory for her. She shook her head and continued to shake and sob as he held her on his bed. She was too scared of another accident, especially in someone else’s bed, and even more especially in Tom and Charlotte’s. She couldn’t last forever though. After a while of crying and shaking, her little body gave out and she fell asleep in Tom’s arms, her thumb in her mouth and her dragon tucked under her arm.

Lani felt her heart racing. She didn’t know what to do! She rushed up to where Tom was and tried to push his hands away from her covers. ”NO!” She yelled as the tears in her eyes got bigger and harder to control. She wasn’t able to stop him though since she was so small and didn’t know what to say. As soon as Tom pulled back the covers on her bed, the large damp spot was exposed and the smell of stale pee hit the air immediately. Lani stood there shaking and burst into tears, not knowing what to say or do at this point. He knew and she couldn’t do anything about it. “I’m sorry!” She stumbled out through sobs, her dragon dropping to the floor.

Charlotte sighed and shrugged. “We don’t know much about her at all. I know you’re trying. Nobody said this would be easy.” She said before trailing off a bit. “We’ll just have to do what we can. Maybe she’ll start to open up to you more. I don’t want to bash the little girl’s mother if she couldn’t help it. Her file didn’t say how long she was sick or how sick she was.” When they got home, Charlotte smiled. She hoisted Rebecca up and carried her to her room to take a nap. She was a bit old to nap every day, but Charlotte didn’t care so long as she was listening to her body. Once she was in bed with her shoes off, Charlotte went to carry in all the bags. Lani leaned into Tom when he picked her up from the car. She wasn’t mad at him and felt bad for her outbursts earlier. She just wasn’t very good at controlling her emotions. The closer they got to her room the faster her heart was going and the short and quicker her breaths were getting. “No!” She protested quickly, bolting up in Tom’s arms. If Tom sat on her bed or pulled the covers back he’d find out she’d wet the night before. He was already treating her like a baby, what would he do if he found out she wet the bed? How much trouble would she be in? Will that be what gets her sent away again? The little girl’s mind was racing and she was shaking and looking pale, tears forming in her eyes when they entered her room.

Lani stayed silent the rest of the time, finishing her food and then putting her head against the wall. What she wanted most of all was to go back to her own home with her own mommy, but she’d settle for Tom and Charlotte’s house. Charlotte smiled and was glad the rest of lunch was going smoothly. Once everyone was finished and the bill was paid she headed to the car with everyone else. In the car she spoke quietly to Tom. “I think you’re babying her a little too much for her liking. I know you’re probably trying to treat her like Rebecca at her age, but Becks has always been a late bloomer. Lani seems to be more mature, probably from her situation at home.” She said in a tone only he could hear.

Charlotte smiled and shook her head. “Middle school Becca. Middle school is next year.” She chuckled a little, not wanting to think about her daughter being old enough for middle school, let alone high school. “But let’s just focus on fifth grade for now. No need to grow up too fast!” Lani pushed Tom’s hands away when he tried to feed her. “No!” She insisted unhappily. “I’m not a baby!” She protested in frustration. She moved herself away from him and pushed herself against the wall, finding comfort in the pressure. She ate her vegetables and potatoes and drank her milk without further fuss, but she also didn’t say anything to anybody even if they tried talking to her. She was overwhelmed and frustrated and struggling to regulate herself enough to calm down. Her dragon was helping but it could only do so much.

Lani hid her face in Tom’s side. She was having a hard time. She wasn’t used to doing so much in one day and making so many decisions with so many new rules. She held her dragon close to her chest and hugged his arm, doing everything she could not to suck her thumb or cry. The last thing she wanted was to look like a baby. Charlotte shook her head at Rebecca. “Don’t worry about it. She’ll be okay.” She said gently. She didn’t want her talking about Lani like she wasn’t there, and even if she was just genuinely worried, she didn’t think it would do any good to draw more attention to the girl. She was happy when the food arrived so it could hopefully distract Rebecca and maybe calm Lani down. She helped the waiter serve the food to its respective person and started eating her salad.

Lani frowned but nodded. She wasn’t really happy about what felt to her like Tom not listening. She said just vegetables. She was trying to be good though. And Tom knew best so if he said she’d get something else then that’s what she’d get. “I don’t gotta go!” She protested a little louder than she intended. She pushed her empty cup away from her and let out a frustrated breath while she squeezed her dragon to her chest. She was upset and overwhelmed. The day had been so long for her already and she had been asked the same question so many times that day that she wasn’t able to keep it inside anymore. She swayed back and forth a bit in her seat, doing her best not to cry.

Lani nodded when Tom said not to worry about ordering. She was a little confused because she could read the menu perfectly and could figure it out for herself, but she didn’t complain. “Can I just have vegetables?” She asked shyly to Tom, not wanting Rebecca to hear and make fun of her. She wasn’t fond of trying new foods or new places, and vegetables like green beans, broccoli, and carrots along with potatoes were her safe foods she knew she’d like. She squirmed in place while she waited for an answer, fidgeting with her dragon’s tale for comfort. She wasn’t very interested in the dessert at the moment. She was trying to get through everything one step at a time. She stayed quiet and just drank her cup of water the waiter had brought them to start with. She wasn’t used to having unlimited access to drinks. Charlotte nodded. “They certainly do. We can order that for you no problem, and I’m going to have a grilled chicken salad.” She said smiling as she closed her menu and collected Rebecca’s.

Charlotte nodded. “That sounds like a good idea.” She confirmed as they headed to the car. She let Rebecca help put the bags in the trunk of the car so she could feel important while Tom buckled Lani. When they arrived, she went around and helped Rebecca out and led her inside with the other two. She sat in the booth on the side next to Rebecca, letting her pick if she sat on the inside or outside. Lani let Tom get her in and out of the car without any issues. She did however want to bring her dragon in with her, keeping it to her chest. Though if Tom said no she obeyed and left it behind in her carseat. Inside she sat on the inside of the booth next to Tom and looked over the menu, squirming in place as she tried to find something to eat in a new place.

Leilani rested her head on Tom’s shoulder when he carried her. She was really happy with the toys she got to pick out, and was surprised that Tom even let her pick out a few more stuffed animals. When it came time to check out, she was hesitant and sad to release her dragon to be scanned. Her eyes lit back up and she was relieved and happy when it was immediately given back to her though. She went quiet again when they were back with Rebecca and Charlotte. In her mind she was really hoping she wouldn’t be forced to thank Charlotte again. She was really grateful of course, but being forced to talk to her made her really anxious and scared since she was already on edge and struggling. Charlotte was happy that Rebecca at least corrected herself. “I’m not sure. I don’t really know what she likes so we’ll have to see when we meet up with them.” She smiled when they met back up with Lani and Tom. “All ready to check out?” She confirmed. “I think we should stop somewhere to get something to eat. I’m sure the kids are getting hungry.”

Leilani was scared for a moment, worried she had upset Tom. But when he was kind and talked to her at eye level she relaxed. She nodded and put the doll back along with the other toys in the cart she didn’t have an interest in. When allowed to pick what she wanted, she pointed out a Lite Brite and some Magna Tiles. After that she gravitated towards a section of the shelves dedicated to Calico Critters. “They’re so pretty.” She said softly, her voice sounding truly childlike for the first time since meeting the family. She looked closely at all the different animal families, especially the tuxedo and orange cat families, as well as one of the various rabbit families. She absolutely adored everything about them. For the time being it seemed like she forgot her worries about toys and maturity. Charlotte nodded. She grabbed the robot set from Rebecca and set it on a nearby shelf along with the bead set. “Let’s go sweetie.” She said as she ushered her to the bathroom. She led Rebecca into the bathroom and let her go into the stall by herself as usual, staying in the bathroom but outside the stall to balance both privacy and safety. “After you’re finished we can grab your things again. We’re just not allowed to bring things we haven’t paid for into the bathrooms.” She explained so Rebecca wouldn't worry.

Charlotte shook her head. “Hold onto the kit and I’ll grab your beads.” She said with a smile. She grabbed a larger bead kit that she knew Rebecca would use every piece of and enjoy. “Let’s go find Daddy.” She said with a cheery smile. Lani looked at the toys in the aisle she was in. She really had no interest in dolls or the toys around her. She frowned a bit when she saw some of the toys Tom was putting in the cart. The coloring books and other craft activities interested her but the other things didn’t. She was really struggling to keep her eyes on the part of the aisle he had taken her to. They kept wandering to the aisle across the path that had slightly older kid toys. She saw some things over there that she really liked, but she didn’t want to disobey him or complain. With a disappointed look, she grabbed a random baby doll off the shelf and shuffled over to Tom, her head hung and holding the doll up to him very unenthusiastically.

Leilani nodded she carefully looked at the options and grabbed a pack of My Little Pony designs and let Tom grab her size. She let Tom carry her back to the rest of the family, enjoying how he was always holding her. She never expected to like it so much, but she really did. She blushed a little when he gushed over her new friend. She’d seen parents gush over their kids like that before but she couldn’t remember it happening with her. She liked it though. Charlotte nodded. “That sounds like a plan. Why don’t you take the cart and get Leilani some stuff and Rebecca and I can carry the few things she picks out.” She turned to Rebecca as they walked and she smiled. “You can still get your beads.” She said warmly. “And you can pick out another toy or activity too.” She said cheerfully, enjoying getting to dote on her some more while Tom did so with Lani. She walked over with Rebecca to the aisles where toys and activities for kids her age. “Pick some stuff out.” She encouraged.