Shy-Diapers

“Yeah I’m ready.” Olivia said as she headed to the car. She climbed in the front and chatted with Vivian on the drive to the movies. It was nice being able to catch up with her old best friend. When they got to the theater she climbed out and walked in with Vivian. “We can share a large popcorn I think. I’m gonna grab a large soda for myself. Do you want one?” She asked as they approached the front of the line. Once they had everything she headed into the theater and found their seats. The previews were just starting. “I’m really glad everything worked out and we’re able to start catching up.” She said with a warm smile.

Lani didn’t have anything more to say to Tom about TV. She just knew TV was very different from reality. She let Tom start getting her ready for bed. She nodded and looked down at her feet when he brought up her bedwetting again. She felt a little like he was constantly bringing it up to her. She knew she was supposed to tell him when she wet the bed. She crawled into bed with her new dragon friend and smiled when Tom started to read for her. It was a pleasant experience she wasn’t used to. Nobody at home ever read to her so she was amazed that this was something people actually did. Her mom never even showed interest in Lani’s love for reading. After some reading, Lani was out cold. She was so tired from the day she’d had. It had been so much worrying and crying for such a little girl. Charlotte was in the master bedroom on her phone in bed when Tom eventually came to find her. She’d already cleaned up from dinner and was ready for bed now.

Olivia nodded. She wasn’t going to tell Vivian it wasn’t messy if she thought it was. She hopped on her phone to look at movies and their showtimes. “How about that Willy Wonka prequel? It’s playing in forty five minutes at a theater that’s like fifteen minutes away.” She suggested. “Or I can find something else.” Once they’d decided on a movie, she went to her room to grab her bag and her cane. She double checked that she had painkillers and her wallet in her bag along with her other necessities such as chapstick, earplugs, and tissues. She was often over-prepared, but she’d rather that than not have something when she needed it. Once she had her shoes on and a jacket for the theater, she sat back on the couch to wait for Vivian.

Charlotte nodded and followed Tom and Lani upstairs. When she saw Tom taking her to the bathroom she decided it was a good chance to put the sheets on. She made quick work of getting them on and making the bed before slipping out before they finished in the bathroom. She smiled when she ran into Rebecca in the hall. “Goodnight sweetie.” She said with a hug and a kiss to the top of her head. “Sleep well.” Lani blushed and looked at her feet when Tom brought up her bedwetting. She was still shaken up from how scared she was for anyone to find out. She also just hated thinking about waking up soaking wet and cold. She didn’t protest being taken to the bathroom though. She was able to get a little bit out and nodded to Tom. She knew she could tell him when she needed to go, it just hadn’t come up yet. She nodded again when Tom mentioned TV. “TV is different.” She confirmed. “Everyone on TV is nice and they don’t yell and nobody is sick for a long time.” She said softly. She was stating it casually and as a fact, but it was clear it did hurt her a little bit to think about.

“I’ve been randomly dizzy for years now. It’s just my normal.” Olivia said with a smile and a shrug. She was able to manage just fine most of the time if she pushed herself hard enough, so she didn’t see the big deal. Sure because of this she’d have times where she was just unable to do much, but that was only once in a long while. “If you feel like we need to then I’m happy to help.” She said looking around. It seemed fine to her, especially since everything of Olivia’s in the living room was in its proper place. Then again she knew Vivian was more of a neat freak than she was. “I honestly think it’s fine though. I mean we just moved in last weekend.”

Charlotte nodded. It made sense to her to pack extra clothes for something like the fair for any kid under 9 or 10. They might get dirty or any number of things. She got up and nodded, heading to the laundry room to grab the bedding. When she emerged she had them in her arms. “Do you want to put the sheets on or want me to come up and do it?” She asked. Lani looked down a bit. She felt like she said something wrong when Tom said things aren’t like they are on TV. She knew that already so she felt bad being told. People on TV were always happy and nice and nobody had a mommy like hers who was always sick all the time like she did.

Olivia nodded. “Yeah that sounds like fun. I could use a chance to get out some.” She said with a laugh. “Being home all week unpacking and setting up has made me go stir crazy!” While she was still a student, Olivia often worked at the help desk on campus. It gave her flexible hours and she could do her homework and study so long as nobody was asking her something. Over the summers she’d sometimes tutor high school or middle school kids in math to make some extra money. With being smart about her finances and saving throughout high school she was able to finally afford to move out of the dorms and into an apartment. It just so happened her best friend from before college also needed a place to live. Olivia and Vivian had been the best of friends throughout middle and high school, but drifted apart a bit during college since they went to different universities. They were still close of course but hadn’t gotten to see each other much in person. She rolled her eyes a bit when Vivian asked about her dizziness. “I’m fine Viv.” She said as she set down her brush with a deep exhale. Holding her arms above her head to put her hair in a braid always made her lightheaded and short of breath. Vivian knew Olivia dealt with chronic pain and had been since getting injured in high school. She tended to worry a lot more about Olivia than Olivia did herself. A few days earlier Olivia had fainted randomly and let it slip that she often felt dizzy or lightheaded, much to the worry of Vivian. Olivia however insisted she was fine and always tried to get her best friend turned roommate to worry about her a little less. “You don’t need to worry so much.” She smiled though, knowing that Vivian meant well, so she wasn’t annoyed or anything.

Lani shook her head. She’d never been to anything like the fair that she could ever remember. “I’ve seen them on TV.” She said when asked if she knew what they were like. “I watch a lot of TV at home.” She added. They always seemed so interesting and fun on TV so she was happy to try to go. Charlotte nodded and smiled. “Make sure it’s easy to move in, we don’t need to wear anything fancy.” She said gently. She was mostly worried about Becks needing the bathroom but being in something difficult to get down, though she hoped Rebecca would know to go as soon as she could at the fair. On the other hand though her earlier accident was making her a little doubtful. “Sounds like a plan then!” She said happily. “If need be we can always leave early. But I’m sure she’ll find something she enjoys there.”

Twenty three year old Olivia Wilson emerged from her bedroom still brushing out her long nearly black hair after her shower. She had gotten dressed in a white Tshirt and some purple denim shorts. She had a small build and was 5’5”. She was in her last year of college studying engineering, and had recently moved in with her best friend Vivian into a shared apartment. Walking into the kitchen and dining area she was happy to see Vivian was also already awake. She sat herself down on a chair and smiled. “So do you wanna do anything fun today? We should probably get some groceries but I have no plans.” They’d only moved in together a week ago but had finally gotten fully settled and unpacked that they could start doing things aside from housework again, and Olivia was looking forward to it.

Charlotte smiled back at Rebecca. She was glad she seemed so happy with Lani’s response. “Let’s just wait a while sweetie. Daddy can offer her a cookie if he thinks she’ll want one. I don’t want you accidentally pressuring her to interact with you.” She said gently. Lani nodded without saying anything. She was scared of not having enough food or having food taken from her so she wasn’t used to just eating until she felt full. She sat quietly in his lap with her dragon while everyone else talked, not having any input for anything going on currently. “Well, I did tell Becks that we’d try to do something together all four of us.” Charlotte started. “She suggested the fair and I think it’s a pretty good idea. Do you think Lani will enjoy it?”

Lani nodded when Tom apologized. It was something she wasn’t used to, but figured she could ask him later why he apologized to her so much. For now she was just happy to finally have her voice heard, something she never experienced at home or school before. In reality Lani didn’t care too much about the bracelet. She hadn’t meant to raise her voice or sound upset, she just couldn’t control her tone or emotions very well. She mostly just wanted to be left alone and not fussed over while she ate. “I like it here.” She said quietly when Rebecca spoke to her. She wasn’t ready to have full on conversations with her yet, but she was willing to respond back to her in that specific moment. The rest of dinner was uneventful for Lani. She had a second helping of food and quite a few helpings of milk. She wasn’t used to being able to drink as much as she wanted so she was taking full advantage of it. When she had finished she decided to be brave. She got up out of her seat and shuffled over to Tom, putting her arms up a little bit so he could put her in his lap. She really enjoyed his affection and comfort.

Charlotte was relieved when Lani didn’t seem to react. She was a little curious as to why it didn’t bother her with daddy like it did mommy. Maybe Tom knew more she could ask about later. Lani was finally feeling content with things for the time being. She felt clean, she had gotten her big secret off her chest, Tom brushed her hair, she had fresh pajamas and a new stuffie and now she was eating dinner. She rocked back and forth in her chair as she ate, feeling content and relaxed for once. As soon as Tom tried to tie the bracelet on her rest though her mood shifted. “No!” She declared, yanking her hand away. She didn’t want to wear the bracelet and didn’t appreciate it being put on her without asking. “I don’t want it!” She said as she sat on both of her hands. She didn’t really mean she didn’t want it at all, she didn’t really care or have an opinion on the bracelet itself. What she really meant was she didn’t want it on, that she didn’t want to wear it.

Lani nodded. She was still curious but Tom promised to explain it to her tomorrow so she wasn’t going to argue. His answer was satisfying enough for now. She blew her nose into the toilet paper and felt better when she did. She was feeling so much better now that she had gotten the secret off her chest. It had been weighing so heavily on her for so long. Lani didn’t respond to Rebecca right now. She just nodded and stared at her plate. “Lani your hair looks so pretty! Did Daddy help you get it all brushed out?” Charlotte said cheerfully, not thinking twice before calling Tom daddy since she was so used to talking to Rebecca. She was just shocked to see Lani’s previously tangled and matted hair all brushed out, showing just how long, thick, and wavy it was. Something her own hair was not. She gave Tom a nervous glance when she caught her mistake, holding her breath as she sat down to eat. Lani blushed a bit and nodded when Charlotte asked her about Tom. She wasn’t used to getting compliments so it surprised her. She didn’t make any reaction to her slip up though. When Tom let her, she quickly started eating the food on her plate. She was absolutely starving. After only a few minutes she’d finished her milk already. Finally having access to something to drink whenever she wanted she felt so thirsty.

Lani sniffled and rubbed her eyes, looking up at Tom. The poor little girl was so scared and overcome with guilt and fear she couldn’t contain it anymore. The secret had been weighing on her mind for days! “Special panties?” She asked with confusion. She rubbed the tears from her eyes as she started to calm down and realize everything would be okay. She held her dragon close as she listened intently to everything he said. She wanted to show she was listening to him. She nodded seriously when he said she wasn’t a baby. She wasn’t thrilled that Charlotte would know, but it couldn’t be helped she supposed. At least Rebecca wouldn’t find out. She sniffled and wiped her eyes and nose on her arm as she felt all the way better finally. She didn’t really hear Tom when he mentioned the doctor, so she didn’t react to that. She leaned into him while he continued to talk and explain, enjoying his comforting presence.

Lani burst into tears. She was overwhelmed by guilt and felt awful for lying to Tom. “It’s not cuz I’m here.” She sobbed. “It happens at home too!” Huge tears ran down her face as she started breathing faster. “I’m sorry!” She choked out as Tom got her dressed. “I didn’t mean to lie! I was scared! I’m sorry!” She blurted out, clearly having been really worked up inside about this. “It may take a long time.” Charlotte added. “But I’m sure she’ll appreciate it eventually.” She said with a smile. As Rebecca started setting the table, she put the homemade pot pie on in the middle. Once it had cooled she cut it and started putting a piece on everyone’s plate.

Lani frowned. She really wanted to stay at her school. She didn’t want to fight though. Tom seemed to know best after all. She kept silent and had her head down the rest of her bath. Her mind was racing and her stomach was in knots. When Tom finally got her to her room she broke down. The guilt was eating her up inside! “I won’t be okay when I go home…” She admitted meekly. She was fidgeting in place on her floor more than usual. Charlotte looked over and smiled. “That’s very thoughtful of you. If she doesn’t want to wear it we can have Daddy put it in her room for her. I’m sure at some point she’ll be very grateful you made it for her.”

Lani nodded. “And to second grade.” She added proudly. “Nuh uh.” She said in response to Tom’s question about other kids. “I don’t have friends at school. I just walk by myself.” She said with a little shrug. “Do I gotta change schools until I go back to Mommy?” She asked sadly. The way he talked about it made it seem like she’d be going to the same school as Rebecca, which she knew that they lived too far away to go to the same school. She may not have had friends at her school, but it was all she knew and she didn’t want to change. Her cheeks turned bright pink when Tom brought up her wetting. She was really embarrassed. She felt like she was lying to him by not telling him she wet the bed all the time, but she was still so scared. Sure he had been nice about it, but that’s because he thought it was because she was scared. If he knew it happened even at home what would he do? She just nodded without saying anything, too focused on what she considered to be her lie.

Lani furrowed her eyebrows and thought about what Tom asked her. “I don’t know exactly.” She started out. “But I had to walk to first grade all by myself.” She said casually as if it was normal. “So after I started kindergarten but before I started first grade.” She said with a definitive head nod, being satisfied with her answer. She didn’t really mind Tom washing her because she just assumed that’s how things were in this house. He had told her before that there were things she was too young to do like wash her clothes, so maybe washing herself all the time was one of those things. Or maybe he thought she was extra dirty from wetting the bed twice. She sure felt extra dirty. She nodded and closed her eyes tight, letting Tom start to wash her hair. It was full of knots and tangles and it would certainly take a while to get them all out.

Charlotte was relieved when Rebecca was agreeable. She knew she wanted to help and be close, but cooking dinner when Rebecca was trying to help would just make it more difficult. She headed downstairs and started prepping for the meal. Lani nodded. “They get icky when they’re wet.” She agreed. “My old teddy got wet and he felt icky then Mommy threw him away.” She said casually. The memory hurt her but it was so normal for her that she didn’t really feel sad about it anymore. It was just a fact. She didn’t have any problems with Tom washing her. “It’s okay.” She said agreeably. “I don’t know the last time Mommy washed me.” She thought aloud absentmindedly. While most kids would be scared, it was actually kind of nice to Lani. It was something she didn’t have to worry about doing for herself. “Maybe before she got sick.” She looked up at Tom with a confused expression. “But angels are good.” She said skeptically. “I can’t be an angel.”

Lani gripped her dragon and followed along to the bathroom. She took off her clothes without any fuss or shyness. She didn’t seem to care about being undressed or bathed by him. She almost set her dragon down on the toilet but stopped. She hugged it tight and rubbed his face against her cheek before setting him down with her clothes. Charlotte shook her head. “Why don’t you get your beads or another activity and do something at the table. I need to cook dinner myself sweetie.” She said gently. “That’s why I gave you the two options. Helping with dinner wasn’t one of them. You can set the table though if you really want to help.”

Charlotte nodded and smiled. “I’ll see. I have to talk to Daddy after dinner though.” She stood up and put her hands on her hips. “Speaking of dinner, I should start otherwise we’ll be hungry. Do you want to watch TV or play?” Lani frowned and stiffened a bit, scared she was in trouble. She swallowed hard and looked at her lap. “Please?” She asked hopefully the moment Tom mentioned the bath. “My tummy hurts thinking about my hair….” Despite sounding so mature sometimes, she didn’t have the language to describe the anxiety she felt.

Charlotte sighed and shook her head. “He’s not ignoring you sweetie. He still loves you so much. He wanted you to get more than one toy at the store and he went out and got you your favorite ice cream at the store.” She pointed out gently. “It’s normal to feel jealous baby. He still adores you. Lani doesn’t feel comfortable around me yet so he has to take care of her basically all by himself.” She hugged Rebecca close. “Maybe tomorrow we can all go somewhere fun as a family.” She suggested. “So we can all be together. I can’t make any promises but I can talk to Daddy.” Lani squirmed in Tom’s lap with anxiety. She was dreading the bath and her hair being done. It was such a present thought in her mind she was having trouble focusing on anything else. She didn’t respond to Tom’s attempts at engagement or conversation, putting her thumb in her mouth as she continued to build, trying to calm herself down.

Lani frowned. She was anxious and dreading the bath. If she had the choice she’d prefer to get it over with now rather than wait around for the pain and discomfort of her hair being washed. She stayed in his lap up in her room but did start to explore her Magna Tiles. She liked looking at the box and the sample booklet to figure out how to copy the buildings exactly. Charlotte shook her head and sighed. She sat down on the bed next to Rebecca. “Sweetie I told you nobody is mad at you. We have never been upset with you for your accidents.” She reminded. “Daddy is helping Lani right now. That’s what he’s focused on.” She tried to explain. “You told him Lani could have a cookie and he said she doesn’t feel like eating. You didn’t ask him if he wanted one.” She started. “I’m sure he’ll have one later but right now he’s just trying to get Lani settled. She’s clinging to him a lot right now so she’s probably really scared and not in a very good mood.”

Charlotte was about to tell Rebecca to wait and not say anything because it seemed like Lani was extremely clingy at the moment and Tom wasn’t saying anything, but Rebecca had gone ahead before she could even respond. Lani sniffled and smiled a little. Tom was being so nice about her accidents and about everything really. She was relieved nobody would know she’d wet the bed. She was happy when he picked her up and she hugged him, content with being carried. She was glad Tom answered for her and she didn’t have to comment on the cookie, really not feeling like eating bag the moment. Charlotte sighed and went up to Rebecca’s room to try to comfort her. She knocked lightly on the door. “Can I come in?”

“You’ll be gentle?” Lani asked hesitantly, looking up at him with wide eyes, wanting to trust him. When he further explained she relented. “Okay.” She said softly with a nod. “I’ll be brave.” She added, mostly to herself so she could try to make herself feel more confident than she was. She was anxious and scared about Charlotte and Rebecca seeing her sheets, but he quickly made that fear go away. She smiled a little and nodded at him. She couldn’t see her clothes or sheets in the bundle of towels. “I can help.” She finally agreed to helping bring her toys to her room. She clung to his side, holding onto his pant leg while they went downstairs, staying close to him while he couldn’t carry her. She did take her thumb out of her mouth though, scared of being seen as a baby in front of the other people in the house.