ABDL05

I am a 43 year old male constantly wanting to go back age two. I have in my life been subjected to various froms of mistreatment and alienated from my loving mothers arms. At an early age I was instructed to get away from my infant behavior, but try as I may I could not leave those safe confines for long. I have had occasions where suicide would be the way out, but after trying that route a couple of times I've come appreciate life now more than ever. I would like to live a life without the nagging need to buy and explore my "feminine side" of wearing diapers and sucking pacifiers. I have a love/hate relationship with this. I buy and I disgard, buy and disgard all the time fearing someone will find out. My partner knows and make little jokes when diaper advertisement are shown. I told him and others right off the bat-get it out in the open-type dialog that this was my perferred fetish. Most lovers understand and try to nourish this behavior, but it is I that beat myself up over it. So, here we go again...I will recieve my diapers, bottle, pacifier, wipes, powder and lotion this week and dive back into whats looks like a lifetime adventure and slowly introduce my lover to it. I have intense need to discuss and bring it out in the open...it has been three years since the urge has been this great and something in the future I want on a daily basis. Nothing like being bathed, diapered and having a warm bottle at bedtime. Just my thoughts on the issue at hand. Feel free to e-mail me with photos, stories, or just a kind reply.