steve in diaps

Hi to everyone here,I am a single male in Sfld. Mo area. I have been looking for others that can relate or at least understand some of my issues I have and find new ways of dealing with and accepting them better. About me I have always been the outdoors type, very active, building and fixing things. Was into offroad dirt bikes,camping,hiking,road trips anytime of the year.Or at least till 15 yrs ago I had my first upper back injury and all the therapy, injections,permanent rhizotomy nerve blocks and their side efects added to the nerve damage. I thought I was managing that fairly well untill 2yrs ago I had a lower back injury. It seems that humans dont make very good fork lifts and I pulled and strain a lot of stuff. But it didn`t get better, saw the companies doc, had Xrays,injections and therapy, then MRI`s to nerve test and more injections. They said my problem didn`t need surgury (Great!) they couldn`t explain why I still had pain in my low back and right leg and that my legs go numb to the point I cant use them till it comes back. They finaly conceded that the chronic upper back pain made it appear to them that I was not as bad in my lower back and they concluded that I had permanent damage to the L3-4 and L5-6 areas. They are not sure why I have bowel and bladder issues and that they comfirmed the it is aggravated by pyshical activity, sitting, standing, walking and driving or anyhting I want to do. Not to mention the efects the Meds have have on my bowel and bladder. I have spent the last 10 mths building my strength and range of motion back as much as I can and pushing the activity level.I thought my bowel and bladder were fairly minor as I do not get much warning when I have to go, but was sort of under control most of the times. But in the last 3 mths what control I had seems to come and go or has a mind of its own. This has been hard to deal with and embarressing at times. Before I only had to have protection just in case I didn`t make it to the bathroom. Now if my back is bad I dont get the warning to go. I pushed myself on a project at home afew weeks ago and had to take some meds I have been avoiding to get some sleep only to lose all bladder control that night. I was still awake when it happened and couldnt do anything about it. Thinking it was the meds I stopped them but still had the problem but now day and worse at night and had to back off on activities. The Docs says any surgury may give me more disfunction form the waist down and do not recommend it, you got what you got make the best of it. I do not walk very good now so I will just have to deal with it. I am back in some control now but looking for a job, wearing protection was on thing, but I had not planned a wearing diapers and didnt want to accept either. One of the med staff suggested to get online and check out some of the forums as a way of coming to terms with my problems and issues as she put it. I have been reading some of the post for about a week when I get a chance and sort of see where some are coming from. I have started to see the protection as as security, sort of and I was ok with it at times that I needed it. Just not sure about 24/7, but I want to work and do things also. I know this seems minor to some but this has been life changing for me. I am also tring to avoid going on disability and working with the state to gain employment if that is possible. I am not sure I fit in on this forum but will try it and see where it goes.