StillNeedCntrl

Had a long talk with my dad this morning. He admitted to being umcomfortable around me right now and apologized for that. He said that since I feel like I need control and since Mom insists that he do SOMETHING to help me that the rules that went away when I turned 18 are now back in effect. That means I have to be in the house by eleven every night and can't go out without telling mom or dad where I am going and with who. I almost lost my internet privlidges too but I convinced dad that I needed to have a place to talk about stuff with other people who understand me. I get to keep my net but he turned on some parental controls to keep me out of the chat rooms where I was looking for local people to baby me.

She found one of my diapers and confronted me about it. Told me it wasn't the first time she had found them. I had to tell her but things are getting better now!

I figured it was time for the whole truth as what she was guessing was worse than what the situation really was. I know my dad cares too even if he can't show it much. He must be paying a lot for the therapist and most of my friends dads would have just thrown them out. Getting diapers with my mom was really embarasing but I got some small attends that fit and feel better than the store brand diapers I was buying. Therapy went okay too. Mainly talked about what I would like in a girlfriend and wife.

Thanks drynot! I do understand what you said and am trying my best to respect what my parents want for me! Mom and me had a long talk about the diapers this morning. Mainly because I only have a few left and she wanted to know where we had to go to get more. Mostly I have been talking to the christian counselor lady and not to mom so it was time to talk to her too. I told her the truth that diapers arent sexual to me at all I just like them more than regular underwear and I feel better when I am wearing them. She seemed to understand it. She also finally just asked me if I was gay. I explained that I don't want to have sex with men and that all I was looking for was someone to make me feel like I did when I was little. Just someone to tuck me in or hold me. She said she could understand that too but that I shouldn't trust guys to not want more than that from me and should just be with women my age who can show me real love. Mom wants me to keep going to therapy daily for a while and then maybe we can cut it back to once a week. But things are getting a lot better since we started talking more. My appointment is in an hour and after that we are going to get me some more diapers.

The rules are dumb but they think I need to prove I can go without sexual sin for a while. At least until I convince them I'm not gay or screwing around all over the place. I can live with that for now. Dad is still not really talking to me much but he did give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be okay tonight. I think he is just not comfortable with hearing about my sex habits and diaper wearing so he is waiting for the whole thing to work itself out.

I saw the shrink with my mom today and the shrink spent most of the time telling my mom what to do! She said that she was getting worried about me because I was looking and acting more depresed every day she sees me. She told my mom she needs to lay off me since I am doing my part by ageeing to the therapy sessions. She also told my mom to give me permission to wear diapers becuase I NEED them right now to feel okay and that she knows diapers are not sexual or a sin for me. She said as long as I am getting help from her and following the rules they gave me that my mom should not do or say anything to add to my stress. The rules I have to follow are no sex, no masturbation, no porn, and if I do one of those things I have to tell my shrink about it so we can talk about it So I'm wearing a diaper now and feel good about it The camp is off the table for now. Shrink says I don't need that level of help and that maybe down the road I might want to participate in their group therapy so I can talk to other people my own age but that I don't need to be sent away. My mom is being nicer already and hugging me and stuff. Not sure how my dad will react when he gets the lecture from mom. Mostly he has been ignoring me all week.

No I wasn't trying to get caught. I was trying not to by putting the diaper under my pillow at a time when I was sure I was alone enough to get it out of the bag hidden in my closet. Just got back from seeing the shrink again. YES I have to go every day! I don't think she's a real doctor though, just a christian counselor. So far she doesn't seem to care about the diapers because I said they arent sexual to me. More of a sex thing. She wanted to talk about what I would do with a guy who I choose as a Daddy for me and why that shouldnt be what I want. They want me to visit the program tomorrow which I guess means they still plan to send me there. I just hope it's not a trap!

Yes! I hid one under my pillow while taking a shower. She decided to make my bed! I can't believe some of the advice on here. I like wearing diapers but I'm not willing to just turn away from my family for them! I think we can get to a place where the diapers are ignored or accepted. It's the wanting a Mommy or Daddy I think has her freaked out because she thinks that means I'm gay or bi (which I'm not) or that I won't ever have a normal relationship and start a family. I saw the shrink this morning and she said the goal is not to change who I think I am but to deal with WHY I feel that way and hopefully teach me to have healthy relationships and make whatever I like to do "for fun" a small part of a healthy relationship and not the basis of an unhealthy one. Thanks to those who sent me private messages. I don't get on here often though so please email me instead stillneedcntrl@aol.com

I didn't want to tell her. She found my diapers and confronted me about them and I couldn't think of a good lie so I told the truth. Me and her have been talking a lot tonight. I told her I didn't want to go to the christian program but I would if she insisted on it. For now we cut a deal. I have to start seeing a christian shrink the church recomended and if he or she decides I need more serious help then I will go to the program. I'm not allowed to have any kind of sex and can only wear diapers IF I MUST in my room at night. Right now I am feeling too much shame to wear them anyway. Standing up to my mom is not really an option for me right now. I need to be here in her house for now and as long as I don't fight her attempts to help me she isn't going to tell anyone else in the family what is going on. Don't want my whole family thinking i'm a freak.

I told my mom that I like to wear diapers and want a mommy or daddy to take care of me because I still feel like I need to be controled. She went off about how sick I am and told the pastor of our church I need help. He came over today and he and mom have decided I need to go to some christian program where they teach you to not act on impulses to do weird sexual things and will teach me to have normal healthy relationships. I am 18 but can't afford to move out so I guess I dont have much choice but to go. It's my fault really. I know my mom is a bit of a religious nut but I thought being 18 she'd just let me be who I am. Don't tell your family about your fetish unless youre sure they'll be okay with it!