Sophie ♥

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27.) Oliver shared a class with Hayden and he sat down next to the twin with a forced smile - the memories of the Thursday before were still fresh, but he didn't want to be an asshole about it. "How was your weekend, buddy?" He was eating a small pack of Doritos, and the class was almost empty but for him and Hayden - they were both early. "What's going on with you two? You and Landon? Bet you had one heck of a regret hangover on Friday, huh?" "The whole weekend sucked, really," I said with a little smile. Landon and Oliver were much better friends than Oliver and I had ever been. I think that attributed a lot to the fact that Landon was always a guy's guy. It was really ironic now. "I don't think we'll be taking any other pills for a while." "Oh, that's a shame - I was going to get you two some more and film it this time. Maybe you'll get to second base?" He grinned and rolled his eyes. "Bet a lot of those Tumblr chicks would pay for something like that - you'd be internet famous." Two brothers who became girls together and made out on camera... we would be Tumblr famous. At least we had a backup plan if this whole psychology thing didn't work out. "So why are you dressed like an emo kid?" "I don't think it's very emo..." "You just need some eyeliner." "Give it a few days." "You know most guys do that whole phase in high-school - guess you two are a bit delayed." He laughed in a haughty kind of way and finished off his chips - a good part of the fact that he and Hayden could be friends at all was attributed to the fact that Hayden was witty enough to deflect most of Ollie's douchebaggery. "So no more kissing?" "Plenty more kissing. Exclusively around you, actually." Oliver pushed me and I nearly fell of my chair. It sucked always being smaller than people... "How's Hannah? And you? I mean, like, together." Maybe I was looking for relationship advice. Or maybe validation that I wasn't as fucked up as I thought. "We're good. We had a fight this morning, but everything seems cool now." Oliver and Hannah bickered a bit in their relationship but it was mostly benign. "She's really obsessed with that shibari thing, you know? The Japanese rope tying thing? And I don't know... it seems dumb to me. But she wants to try it so I guess we're going to." "She always seemed the dominant type." Oliver rolled his eyes, but I knew there was some truth to the statement. I couldn't even begin to imagine the complexities of their bedroom play. "I've never been tied up or anything, but it seems kind of cool. So maybe you'll enjoy it." "You should lose your virginity before you can think about getting tied up, buddy." There were people coming in now and he laughed, nudging the boy playfully. "Maybe your brother will do it for you? He seemed pretty intent on getting you 'somewhere private' on Thursday night. Better than nothing, right?" I rolled my eyes. Oliver wasn't exactly aware of my lack of sex life, but it was true I hadn't dated anyone since the fall out with Marie. Lanny, conversely, dated tons. We messed with a couple of them, but nothing ultimately interesting. And of course, there was always Mimi... Class went on as usual, mostly due to people wanting to actually learn, and afterwards Oliver picked up where he left off. "I can set you up with someone, you know. Uh... Monnie, maybe? She's single and pretty easy. She likes flouncy boys too, so your new look would go down well." "Um... no thanks..." I bit my lip and looked past Oliver as we walked between the buildings on campus. I couldn't really think clearly about this kind of thing. I was dating Lanny now, anyway, right? Were we exclusive? I guess we never really talked about it... "Well, whatever. But I mean, you're not getting any action right now, right? You just gotta find a girl you like. Be confident, go up to her and get what you want." Ollie’s laugh was followed by a shrill and unmistakable voice. "Landoooon!! Where have you beeeen?! Gosh. I've tried to call you six times this morning. Don't you ever answer your phone, mister?" "Hey Mimi." Oliver didn't correct the discrepancy. "What're you wearing anyway? You look sexy in girl jeans..." Gosh, maybe she was better for Lanny than I thought. I merely smiled and put my hand behind my head the way my sister liked to. "It's been a busy weekend, Mimi. And you shouldn't call so much - you remember what we talked about. I'll call you back when I have the time." "I knooooow..." She frowned but it lasted only as long as it took her brain to tick over to the next thought, which wasn't long at all. "Are you done going on your dumb weekends away? I miss you and you owe me a date!" "He does?" "Yeah he does!" "Since when?" Oliver liked to wind Mimi up. "Since I said so." "Our date..." I sighed and looked up at Oliver with a shrug. "I'm sort of seeing someone right now, Mimi." With any other girl, it might have upset or deterred, but Mimi had seen Landon go through so many girls it wasn't even funny. She held none of them very highly, which made me wonder how she'd feel knowing that someone was me. "Psh. That won't last - she's not good enough for you, Landon. You deserve someone who gets you. Someone flexible and friendly and funny and someone who loves your quirks." "And where do you propose Landon finds this mysterious girl, Mimi?" "Well..." The girl smiled smugly. "She's probably right under his nose!" "Hannah!" I said suddenly and snapped my fingers. "Oh, but Oliver's dating her... would you mind if I cut in for a bit? I mean, we could both date her. It might seem weird at first, but I'll take the responsibility of buying her all her jewelry. And you can just have sex a lot." Mimi seethed and crossed her arms. "That's not funny! Oliver, tell him that's not funny." "Oh yeah, it's not funny - it's brilliant. And with your newfound affection for girls’ jeans, you can take her shopping for clothes, too. This is great." "Landon! Tell Ollie to stop being a jerk." "This could be great. I love it. When can you start, Landon?" "Tomorrow's good for me. I'll have a talk with her tonight. Sit down, make out, make sure the chemistry works..." Mimi looked like she might explode. One thing about her was that despite her very obvious crush on Lanny, she refused to admit it. It was her belief - something we had to get a few drinks into her to learn - that Landon should ask her out. "We're just messing with you, Mimi. I'll see you at lunch?" "If you're lucky, mister!" She crossed her arms and then her frustration quickly faded. "Lunch sounds good. Seeya!" Oliver watched her walk away and then turned to Hayden. "That girl has all the depth of a leaky wading pool full of toddlers." --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

26.) It was some time before Hayden opened her eyes, and when she did we were still in the same position, my hand was against her diaper - her diaper that was, very interestingly, quite damp. I'd been caught off-guard at first, but I figured if nothing else it meant she was relaxed. And I mean, diapers were meant for peeing in, right? She seemed groggy though, and I didn't say much as she stirred. I shook the sleep away from my eyes and looked around the unnaturally bright bathroom. How did... oh, right. But what about... oh, yeah. But then we... of course. But it wasn't this bright, was it? "What’s… the time?" But neither of us had our phones. Lanny got up first and grabbed my hands to help me do the same. Only then did I remember the diaper. "Come on, sleepyhead, let's go get you changed." I didn't mention implicitly that my sister had wet it, but the yellow tint was pretty obvious. I kept the melodic tone and kissed her lips. "Don't dawdle now, pretty little girl." I bit my lip and followed my sister through the bathroom and into my room. I felt stupid for having had a panic attack - I always did - but this was different. I was more... nervous. "Lanny..." I only said her name after sitting down on the edge of the bed. She motioned for me to lie down and I did so cooperatively. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean... you're right about..." Hayden rested back on the bed and I smiled down at her, my hand on one of her diaper tapes. "It's okay. We'll talk about it later, okay? We don’t want to miss morning classes. I'll get changed." The sound of the tape coming off was followed by three more and I bit my lip looking at the yellowed interior as the smell of pee filled the room just briefly. "Do you have any baby wipes?" Wow, that was... cold. I really hadn't... I mean, diapers never... I shook my head at Lanny's question. I was still so surprised with how comfortable I was with her seeing me naked, and more so her putting me into a diaper. "No... why would I?" "Well, I just want to make sure you're all clean, I mean..." I looked down at the diaper and smiled as best I could manage. "You could shower, I guess? I just didn't want my little girl getting a rash or something because I didn't clean your skin so well... maybe I'll get a wash cloth?" "What are you talking about?" I looked up at my sister with confusion, but more than that, her giddy smile stared back at me. What was she... wait, wait? I sat up as quickly as I could and looked at the diaper, tinted yellow, and quickly pulled the blankets over me. "Get out!" Her tone caught me off-guard and I flinched a little, but I reacted by doing the exact opposite. I pushed her back down on the bed and kissed her, which was probably the dictionary was the opposite of ‘getting out’. "You're a little girl and little girls sometimes have accidents. It's not a big deal, but if you make it one, there'll be consequences." "But I don’t! Is this a joke? Is this one of your weird pranks?!" But the way she smiled, I seriously doubted it. There was no mischievousness. I felt my cheeks burn red and turned away from Lanny. “Please leave so I can..." What, change? Clean myself up? What's the vernacular for this...?! "I'm already changing you - don't be a butt, missy!" I rolled my eyes and looked around the bedroom, spotting the hand-wipes on the table. "Don't move, or you'll be in big big trouble. Understand?" She making such a big deal out of it - it was just a little bit of pee. What's the big deal? As soon as my sister got off me though, I sat up on the bed. My butt was still on the now-open diaper and I felt a little unhappy about all this. And more than that: really grossed out... "Just give me some privacy. I mean it... please?" "You wet yourself like an hour ago. I sat there cuddled up to you since then, and it's not a big deal. Don't make a big deal of things, Hayden - if you do then other people will too." There was some double meaning there, of course - like how I intended for us not to have a coming out event or anything, but just to start being girls. No big deal meant less negative reactions, because people had no choice but to make up their own minds. "Well I don't do that! Ugh..." I wrapped the blanket around me and pulled my nightgown down as far as it would go. Stupid nightgowns. I wanted some damn pants! I balled up the diaper the same way I normally did and taped it shut. I couldn't believe... I couldn't have... "Well apparently you do now. You shouldn't be so scared of change, Hayden..." I decided on a different tact. "What if I were all dolled up pretty... a little girl dress with bloomers and stuff, and my hair in pigtails and a pacifier clipped to the collar and I came up to you and I was like..." For emphasis, I tugged on Hayden's night-gown. "Hayden… I um..." My lip slipped between my teeth and I looked down. "I had a lil' accident... in my diaper... and..." I looked up at him. He was blushing. My point was well made whether he'd admit it or not! "...that's... different!" It wasn't even that she'd had an accident. It was the way she talked. The shyness in her voice. I bit hard on my lip and looked away. "Look, I should probably get dressed anyway... so just... go make breakfast or something. That's why you want to be a girl, right?" "Well that was rude. Maybe you should help me in the kitchen." I stuck up my tongue and grinned, looking at the door. My voice trailed off. "Or we could just make out for the next half hour and I could make you squirm and squeal on the bed..." I knew I was blushing, but it wasn't so unordinary. I ran my hands through my hair and shook my head. I still felt so gross having wet the diaper, and I was eager to find a way to get myself clean... "It was a joke, dummy. Go on. I'll be out in a second, and we can talk about what to wear today." "No cummy panties?" I pursed my lips and pouted, but then left the bedroom before Hayden had a chance to reply - I knew she was blushing, though. I didn't know what to do - for everything I'd said, we both knew our synergy came first and if she dug her heels in there was just no way we were going to be girls full time. But I also knew she wanted it in some regard, or she wouldn't be doing it. I should really have wipes. I mean, just in case. I mean, I never expected this to happen, but it sure sucked that it did. I came into the kitchen a minute later, still in the nightgown, and took a bite of one of the Poptarts on the plate. "I was thinking... maybe we could wear our girl jeans today...?" Compromise... "Girls’ jeans and training bras. Final offer." The bras would hardly show - I just wanted to feel like I was making progress and I wanted Hayden to feel the same. She wouldn't have made the offer if she wasn't willing to negotiate anyway. "Yeah... okay, fine!" I still wasn't sure if I liked the idea, but even in girl clothes I doubt we'd be questioned too much. Until our hair was done - and we didn't even know how to do that on our own - we still looked like guys. Less so since Marie had done our eyebrows, but that was weeks ago. "I'll pick out the top." And that was what we did. I wouldn't wear a cardigan, which left us each with a blue hoodie. We looked very androgynous or scene or whatever, but it was what my sister needed... --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

25.) The rest of the weekend wasn't very exciting. Marie and I stayed in on Sunday and Lanny went down to the mall. 'Why waste what little time I have indoors,' she'd said. I just wasn't really in the mood, not after everything the day before, and not after what Alex had said about me wanting to be with Lanny. Of course I wanted to be with Lanny! I wondered about bringing it up with Marie, but thought against it. She didn't bring it up either. Maybe all the drama was just in my head... or at least, I thought that until Monday morning. "I don't have class for three hours... what's up?" My head was foggy with sleep. "I don't want to be a boy anymore." Which I guess was obvious; that was sort of the theme of what we'd been doing on our weekends away. I was, however, dressed appropriately to match the statement and I knew the penny would drop soon. Which is why I kissed my sister before she had much of a chance to respond. "Okay...?" The kiss lasted longer than usual, but I wasn't really complaining. I melted into the pillow and smiled up at my sister. She really was my sister too, no matter how I argued it. I put my head on her shoulder. "I didn't think we were being boys anymore." "I don't want to pretend anymore..." I ran my fingertips over her cheek and smiled, biting my lip as I took a breath. "You told Hannah that we were girls... so I don't want to pretend otherwise anymore. I don't want weekends of amazing happiness bookending weekdays of sadness..." My hand found the pacifier on her bedside and I gently slipped it between her lips, maybe hoping to distract her from the outburst I knew would follow. "I wanna be girls all the time. And I wanna come home at night and put you in a diaper and cuddle you as your big sister... and maybe some nights be your little sister, or twin baby sister." "Okay..." Maybe it was the sleepiness or the expecting look from Lanny that made it so difficult for me to realize... but I realized. She wasn't talking about just being girls on our own anymore. I quickly took the pacifier out and shook my head. "No! We have classes, we have a life! We can't just start... no, gosh, no. Seriously, no." "It has to happen, sis. It has to. Maybe it could have waited a while, but Hannah knows now and I... I don't want to have to hide it anymore. We're in college, nobody is going to care what we do!" I played with the pacifier in my hands and then slipped it between my own glossy lips, which only really now drew attention to my well-practiced make-up, my pigtails with ribbons, and my cute little blouse and skirt ensemble. I shook my head and sat up in bed, looking down at my sister with a frown. "No. I said no, and that's the end of it." We'd decided a long time ago big changes had to go through the both of us. We liked our similarities. Synergy. Maybe that was why it caught me so off guard... "I'm doing it." "...what...?" "I'm being a girl. I love our synergy... I need it, Hayden, I need it so badly because it's what keeps me safe at night... I need it so bad. But I need this, too..." I bit my lip and played more with the pacifier. "It makes me feel content. And safe. And happy. And it doesn't make you feel sad... so I don't know why you won't do it, Hayden..." And when I looked up now, there were tears in my eyes. My chest hurt. He wasn't serious... but that look in his eyes and the tears on his cheeks. I shook my head and stormed out of the room, into the bathroom, and slammed the door behind me. Lanny was doing this without me? This wasn't how it worked. This wasn't how it worked! I stood outside the bathroom door for a long while, and then turned around. When I came back - a minute or so later - I opened the door to the bathroom, closed it, walked over to my sister and pressed my lips to hers with the sort of love that I didn't really know could be conveyed in a kiss. The diaper in my hand was probably unseen and my other hand ran to her cheek and cradled her face. She was having a panic attack and I knew how to fix it. I knew the procedure - but I wanted to show her a different way. Teach her that different paths existed, and different could be good. I tried to push Lanny off me, but her kisses were... nice. Despite how closed in I already felt, and the pains in my chest, her lips were something else. I whimpered against her mouth until my breathing worked it's way up from the shallow depths. My chest was hurting so badly... "Lan.." I pressed my forehead to hers. I looked into her eyes, mirrors of mine, and smiled. "I want you to trust me. Please?" There was a rising look of fretfulness and I smiled, adding quickly. "In a short term, immediate sense. Please? Lay down for me?" "Lanny... I... I don't..." But her hands guided me to the bathroom floor. It didn't help. I hated laying down on my back when I was panicking, and I hated even more the cold tile of our bathroom. I shook my head and tried to sit back up, but Lanny didn't allow it. "Pretty baby girl, relax..." As my hands went to her panties beneath her nightgown, my lips found her lips again to sate her discontent. She could step outside what was comfortable, experiment and see that things could work out even if she didn't think it possible in the first place. I felt stupid. The stupidness hurt my chest even more. Why was I doing this? Why wasn't she giving me my space? Why wasn't this working? I felt so unhappy, so miserable, and so hurt... so very hurt. I just didn't want this to happen this way. She was my sister, my twin... tears poured down my cheeks... I unfolded the diaper promptly and slid it under her behind - she was crying, but I slid the diaper beneath her nonetheless. I taped it up in place and I pulled her into my arms as I sat back against the wall. My voice whispered softly in her ear as my hand rested on the front of her diaper. "It's okay little baby girl, it's okay my pretty lil' Hayden... you're safe in your diaper, with your sister, and the world is so far away." I wasn't sure why she thought this was a good time to do this. I was in a diaper; so what? I'd probably just start to associate the two - the panic with this. And then I'd never enjoy it again. Maybe she didn't want me to enjoy it. Maybe I didn't want to, anyway! I could barely breathe... I held Hayden in my arms, squirming as I kissed the back of her hair and my hand trailed lines along her thigh, teasing the crinkling plastic of her diaper here and there and going back to the bare skin. I whispered in her ear softly as I held her, my tone soft and melodic. "It's okay baby girl, it's all going to be okay - you're safe now, safe in my arms and safe from everything bad. Safe in your diaper and safe in my arms and safe from the world..." It shouldn't have helped. It made no fucking sense. But with Lanny's arms around me, the soft crinkling sounds in my ears, and the gentle way she held me... it actually made me think of... "My chest still hurts..." But my crying had stopped. My trembling had stopped. I didn't understand... "I know it does, pretty little girl, but your mind works faster than your body so it'll take your body just a little longer to be okay..." I didn't let her go, I didn't stop what I was doing - I stayed calm and rhythmic and soft. Her little convulsions had eased away and she was so much calmer. I shook my head and slipped down onto my sister's shoulder. I felt so tired. Not really sleepy, but gosh was I tired... I let my chest breathe in and out, still aching with every breath, while my sister cooed sweet compliments into my ears. She put her thumb near my mouth and I bit softly on the end. I closed my eyes. --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

*DEEP SIGH* Sorry for the lack of posts recently... it's been a busy week. >_< Thanks for all the comments and likes, guys ❤️ I don't say it enough. I'll get you another chapter (or two?) up in a moment!

24.) When my eyes finally opened, it was late into the night. The bedside clock read 10:50 and I pulled myself out of bed. I was in Emma's room... but what had happened? I heard sounds through the now-closed door and ran my fingers through my hair. I peeked out at first, but there wasn't much to see. Wasn't I outside...? Emma was laying on the sofa, her eyes closed as I talked with Alex and Marie. I caught sight of the door cracking open just a smidgen though, and then I saw my sister’s face through the gap. Discretely and I subtly I smiled at her, not interrupting the flow of dialog so as not to draw attention. If she gave me a sign that she wanted me, I'd politely excuse myself to 'check on her' and that way there'd be no pressure. I smiled through the crack at the door, a remark back toward my sister, and opened the door a little further. Marie turned to look at me, smiling happily. "Good morning, sleepy head!" "Hey," I said softly, my voice still ringing of sleep deprivation. "I think I fell asleep..." "You did. Like a princess. And all the fairest maidens of all the land came to tempt to rouse you from thou slumber, but none were capable." I smiled and Emma managed half a wave from the sofa but didn't move to start any conversation of her own. "But now you're awake, and the kingdom can rejoice for the princess has returned!" I liked Alex. He played into my bits. I smiled weakly and took a seat beside my sister, my head on her shoulder. "I don't remember getting inside..." But what I did remember was storming off, and saying very harsh words to Alex. I bit hard on my lip and looked away. "I'm really sorry for everything... I didn't mean what I said, and I didn't mean to storm off. I got worked up... and... and that was so stupid of me..." "You had some feelings, and feelings need to be felt. Sometimes they need to be heard." Alex reached down to the table and picked up a plate of wings that had gone just a little cold - the result of the second round of food ordering we'd done. He held the plate in front of Hayden with a helpful smile. "Hungry?" "Um... yeah, actually. Really hungry..." I took the plate with a little smile and looked up at Alex. He was such a sweetheart, and I'd yelled at him. I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate: I had to not think of her, lest ruin hot wings. "You won't see through me forever. Lanny and I are going to become perfectly identical, and you'll cry because not even your know-it-all attitude can save you!" I tried to sound happy about it, but still, there was a part of me that wasn't. "I overreacted..." "I overreact sometimes - obviously you were just trying out your Lanny skills." I never overreacted, not really - I was calm as could be. But you know what? Alex laughed. And Marie smiled. And I guess that was enough to make Hayden less self-conscious. "Are you going to go home all week and train? Will I get to see a montage video?" "With cheesy 80's rock/pop/synth ballad accompaniment." "You're such a geek," I said to my sister, eating around one of the bones of chicken wings. The rest of the night, for as short as it was, went by pretty peacefully. I felt a lot better after everything, after my friends cheered me up, and I thought a lot less about my outburst earlier that night. It wasn't until nearly midnight that we decided to take Alex home. * * * "Lanny usually drives, but I can take you if you want." "You'll have to do better than that." I smiled at my sister’s attempt and Lanny pouted. I took the keys from her and stepped out the door with Alex. "She's a really wonderful sister. Lanny, I mean. I didn't like her at first, but she loves you more than anybody I've ever seen." Alex had his feet up on the dashboard of the car and the seat laid down almost horizontally, looking up at the roof of the car as Hayden drove. "Are you okay? I mean, really? I want to give you a chance to talk to me with just us two." "Why, you think I'm going to say something to you I wouldn't say to Marie or Lanny?" I rolled my eyes and pulled the car into reverse. "You don't like her." "Marie?" "Lanny." "Um, I appreciate the theory, but I'm really pretty sure I do like her. She's my sister!" "Right." "Right!" I puffed out my cheeks. "You're stupid sometimes!" "Why are you dating her if you don't like her?" It had been a few moments before he'd broached the topic again and he looked at the girl as she drove. "Remember, you never have to see me again. Be honest. It might help to have somebody you can be honest with." "I do like her!" "But not like that." "I do so! Gosh, just because we don't make out in front of you or something. Are you one of those kinds of boys?" To be honest, he was starting to wear on my patience. I liked Alex and all, but seriously dude, it's called tact. "Could you see yourself with her in twenty years? I mean, seriously with her? Sometimes people get attached to people and I get that she's all you have, but don't you wanna be with someone? Like, someone you can live a life with, have a family with, that kinda stuff?" He pulled the seat up and sighed. "I'm sorry, I sound like a colossally judgmental cow right now, don't I?" "Yes." I frowned and kept driving toward the mall. "I just mean," he started, the words rolling off his tongue like he clearly hadn't thought about them, "you look at her like a sister. You treat her like a sister. And all that's cool, but romance isn't supposed to take a back seat." "Well, she makes me happy... I don't see what else matters..." "If you want me to take it seriously - if you want anybody to take it seriously - you should be lovers first and sisters second. If you can't do that, then there's no point." Alex didn't mean for it to come across in the challenging way that it did - he was just trying to help her see the reason in the situation. "Well... I like the way things are. What does it matter if people are stupid?" But his words were starting to concern me, and I slumped a little lower in my seat. Of course I liked Lanny. She's my perfect girlfriend! But I couldn't stop thinking about what she'd said about convenience... "If you can't be romantic with her - I mean passionately romantic - then you shouldn't be with her." Alex smiled awkwardly as he motioned for the girl to pull up in the driveway to the left. "If you can be, then I'm for it. I support you all the way." He looked out the window at the house. "It was really great seeing you, Hayden." "Yeah... it was great seeing you too..." I did my best to smile, but the boy had already climbed out of the car. I sat there for a little while, thinking, until my phone rang. "Yeah? Sorry, I got lost. Right, I'm on my way now. No, that's fine, you go to bed. I'll be in soon." --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

23.) "It's... it's really all we have. Our synergy. Mom died, and dad couldn't deal with it, so we're kind of all we have. Being alike is something special, something safe." Marie knew all of this, and I guess Emma did to some degree - but this was all new information to Alex and I just wanted him to understand. "I'm really sorry," the boy said with a frown. Emma had put on tea, much to Alex's pleasure. He sipped it gracefully, and in moments like this it was really hard to see him as a boy. Of course, only Lanny and Hayden really knew that facet. "I really didn't know. I was just being honest, and... ugh, that was so insensitive. I knew it was important to her." "Boys sometimes lose sight of that in the pursuit of being right." I offered with a sly little smile - I knew I liked it when people noticed feminine traits in me, so maybe Alex favored the same for his situation. "She'll be okay. She will. And she won't hold it against you. I've seen her this way before..." Albeit not very commonly and not very often, but it did happen. "She's..." Marie spoke up, out of turn, and waited for Lanny to nod before going on. "Hayden doesn't handle her mom's death very well. Even the thought of her... it ruins things. If she's eating a Reese's cup or something, and she starts to think about her, she'll never touch a Reese's cup again." "That's probably not healthy. Has she seen anyone? A psychologist or something?" "Mom was a psychiatrist." She'd have had a field day with the two of us now. "Associations. I help her where I can, and half the reason" —all the reason— "I got into my field of study was because I wanted to be able to help her. I don't have bad associations. I'm immune to her." "I'm so sorry for tonight. I've mad an awful first impression." Alex did his best to smile. He didn't like being stuck in dramatic situations - he never knew how to handle them, especially when his charm was at its end. "How long has it been?" "Five years," Marie said in lieu of Lanny. "Hayden wouldn't talk to anyone but Lanny for almost six months..." "I went to her classes for her, and bought her notes home for her and then relayed all her studies and helped to make sure she didn't fall behind. I got really good at being her." I smiled at the thought and looked at Marie. "The synergy thing is special to Hayden because it represents that Lanny will always be there for her." "And I will be, through everything. She was so proud of herself, is all, and she'll blame herself. She'll think it was her fault, that she slipped up. And she'll redouble her efforts." "I just... I don't understand why it matters so much, you know? I mean, yeah, the twin thing is really cool and all, but Hayden and you are completely different people. So why do you always try to act like you're not?" Marie bit her lip and looked away, and Lanny did her best to smile. "No one ever got us right, not all the time. No one but Mom." There was a silence over the room and nobody really knew what was right to say or do or how to steer the conversation out of awkward waters. I smiled wryly and looked across at Alex. "You make her very happy. More than you know." After all, that Alex had spoken to Hayden in the first place was validation that she could make being a girl work. Alex nodded, looking up at the ceiling and then sitting down on the chair across from Lanny. Lanny kept standing, regardless. "She thinks I'm taking the title away from your mom then, about knowing which of you is which. But I'm not going to lie - that'll cheapen it. You should both work on it, I think, and I'll do my best to be deceived, but that's all I've really got to offer." "We'll work on it. There're some big factors at the moment that are… adjustments." Like the fact we're girls now, a fact that I would no doubt remind Hayden of when we spoke next. Boys and girls are different and we need to recalibrate as girls. "The fact you're dating must be tough, too..." I looked at Emma and shrugged. "All things considered, people are pretty cool." "No, I mean... people act different around people they date. So you need to account for that, too, right? Marie? Alex? You agree, right?" Marie nodded and Alex shrugged his shoulders. "I wasn't sure if it was the dating thing or the twins thing, but she's definitely different around you than me." "She's not always like that. When Lanny and Hayden play, they sync up that way. Otherwise, they're just themselves, or each other, depending on their moods." "It's like we have three states. Us, Each Other, or Synced. And we take a lot of pride in our synced selves." I couldn't help but ask though, and I knew it was wrong to do so, but I did anyway. "How does she act around you, Alex?" "Oh." The boy was clearly caught off guard by the comment, but not because the comment itself was surprising. "You're jealous, but you shouldn't be. She doesn't look at me romantically or anything - that's pretty clear. Around me, Hayden is pretty reserved. She lets things slip, but I don't think she notices them. She tries to be polite and normal, and that's admirable, but it's clearly censoring." "That's very typical Hayden," Marie interjected. "She doesn't like boys, I don't think." Though she confessed to me vividly how she wanted to blow me and how she'd always been curious and that point of difference actually made me a little bit upset. She was bisexual, maybe. And I only liked girls. I resolved to fix that. For our synergy. "She's shy around new people though." "She tries," Marie said with a smile, a sincere one, and peeked through the door at the girl lying on Emma's bed. She was sleeping soundly now. "She's an amazing girl, and it's really not fair what she goes through... what she's had to go through already. I'm surprised at how normal Lanny turned out." Well, apart from the fact I wanted to be a girl, I instigated dating my twin, I enjoyed putting her in diapers and getting her off, and I had regular dreams about her nowadays. Yup. Normal. "We all have our quirks. I’m not really any more normal; I just try to be strong for her. Strong for us both, because if I'm not, who will?" --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

*EYES EMOJI*

22.) I was sitting on the sofa when the door opened - Hayden was there along with the boy named Alex and I looked up with a toothy smile. I was trying to paint my nails. I was not doing well. Emma was in her room with the sound of the hair-dryer and Marie was in the little kitchenette looking through delivery flyers for various restaurants. "Hey you." I looked down at my nails. "And you must be Alex? It's nice to meet you. I'd shake your hand, but you know..." I didn't like that Lanny was painting her nails without me. We were, as usual, dressed to a T. I led the way into the room and introduced Alex to Marie and my sister, Lanny. I didn't see Emma, though. "Make yourself comfortable, I guess." I sat down next to my sister and took the pot of polish away from her, starting on my own nails. I wasn't very good either, but it seemed to be just the same as Lanny and that made me happier. "I was going to clean them off, then do both of ours once I was good at it," I whispered, or did my best to, though Alex was sitting across from us and I didn't want to exclude him. "I'm sorry, we're very close and we like to be the same as possible." "Oh." "Oh?" "It's just... you both seem like pretty different people. And that's okay! You should be your own selves and all." What? "Well..." I looked over at Lanny with a frown and back at Alex. "I mean, yeah, we're different... but sometimes that's good. Like, when I pretend to be Lanny or she pretends to be me, the differences really sell it. Seriously, when we're in sync no one can tell us apart. We both dated Marie at one point, and she never knew the difference!" Of course, now that we were girls, those words had entirely new context. "Oh," Alex eyed Marie, as if trying to reassess her now that he knew she liked girls, and then back at Hayden. "I could tell you apart though, even if your sister was pretending to be you." He talked about it as though it was funny and I frowned, looking down at my nails. "A lot of people think so, you know, but nobody can, yet." Marie piped in, a tray of crackers in her hand, which she subsequently set on the coffee table. "You really shouldn't be so arrogant," she said as politely as possible. "They are different people, but they can sure surprise you." Alex remained unconvinced, however, and I started thinking of ways to mess with him. I wasn't mean, but I really didn't like that level of smugness. I gave my sister a look of 'where did you find this guy...?' but didn't let it linger. Emma was still getting ready and Alex shrugged his shoulders. "I don't mean to come across that way, but I'm very good at reading people and I don't think I could be tricked." "Well, we'll see." "I was thinking Korean food, maybe?" Marie clearly wanted to minimize any tension and she was remarkably good at changing the subject. I let my hand slip into my sisters. Emma showed up somewhere between ordering Korean - which Lanny adored and I tolerated - and we went through the introductions again. The idea of our quote-unquote 'tricking Alex' wasn't brought up again. I didn't mind - it wasn't something I really wanted to think about anyway. The food came early in the evening; everything delivered on this campus, and I liked that so much more than our college. "Hollie's a nice school, but it doesn't have the impact of this place, I don't think." It was a Lanny thing to say. We'd been in sync most of the hour. "I could see us moving here," I added, thoughtfully, between a bite of noodles out of my sisters bowl. We'd been doing it all dinner time, just a playful little gesture. "We'd miss Hannah and Oliver, though." "Friends from your school?" "Uhhuh. They're kinda closed-off people though. Closed-minded." "I like Hannah." "You've met her a total of three times." This was a conversation I took the back seat on. I didn't like saying mean things about someone behind their back, true or untrue. Oliver wasn't the type I'd confront, and it just didn't seem fair. Hannah was another story though, and when the topic shifted to her, I had more to say. "She's an oddity, but I dig her. How often do you meet people that free-spirited, you know?" The neutral vocabulary was nearly scary. It was so different to the way I normally talked to Alex. "She's really supportive of us, too." I guess 'us' wasn't a concept we'd broached with Alex yet and he looked at me with a curious glance. "She's supportive about you... what?" "They're dating." So much for subtlety. I smiled coyly, looking at Hayden and then back at Alex. "You two are sisters, though. Twins." "Sisters who kiss in my bedroom." Emma found it one part amusing and one part endearing, and I felt my cheeks heating up. This was not my ideal way to broach this topic! "Right, well..." I quickly got up from the couch. My skittishness on the subject wasn't something very well documented - not by anyone but Marie, anyway - and I took the empty plate of mine into the kitchen. Lanny followed a second later and I did my best to smile. "What's up?" "Nothing. I just wasn't really ready for Alex knowing... but it's fine, right? He's great, and he's super accepting, so it's whatever." "People are going to know. And some of them will be great and some might not be. But they don't matter..." I put one hand on my sister’s hip and gently pushed her back against the refrigerator - we were mostly hidden here. "Am I worth it...?" My lips touched hers and my wayward hand found its way to her thigh, playfully. I felt a blush on my cheeks and nodded my head. "Absolutely." I kissed my sister back, once, fast, and turned to look her top to bottom. "Come on, I have an idea." I made sure to check ourselves in the mirror beside the microwave - identical in every aspect no doubt - and came back into the living room together. We sat in a new spot, together on one large chair, entirely in sync as we ate. It was seamless. We were really really good - we always were, but I guess we had something to prove at the moment. Alex watched us as we sat back down and then finally decided to ask: "So you two are dating. How long have you been dating for? And how far does it go? Is it just a platonic thing, or…?" I wanted to answer, but I also didn't want to give away the game so I bit my lip the way Hayden does and buried my head against her shoulder. "A couple days so far." "Nothing special." "Not yet." "Not really." "And it's a little less platonic." "We just like each other." "No one better than your sister to really understand you." "Right?" "So we're test-running." "And test runs are going well." "And that's that." I finished off the statements, entirely in sync, without a single flaw, and Lanny and I smiled the same symmetrical smile we always practiced. I felt so serene in moments like this. "So, Hayden, when you say it's a little less platonic, what do you mean?" He was looking at Hayden when he said that. And she'd been the one to say it too. How did he know? How did he...? I frowned a little. "I'm Hayden..." I lied. "You're Lanny. She's Hayden." He was so confident, so infuriatingly confident! And he was right, too. "Why do you... think that...?" I shook my head, my chest starting to hurt. The ambiguity and serenity of my relationship with my sister - of our... our... synergy… and this boy had to make all that go away? Why was he so selfish? I shook my head and looked away from Alex. I felt so uncomfortable... "You just act different. You're not very much alike, like I said." How could he say that?! "We're very similar, Alex." "I don't think so. Hayden isn't really anything like you." I went quiet. Both of us did, Hayden and I. I looked into her eyes and smiled weakly, then whispered. "We'll make our synergy stronger, okay?" I climbed up from the couch and stormed out of the living room. Everyone would think it was just a temper tantrum. They'd think I was being me, which was what I wanted them to think. In reality, I just wanted to cry alone in peace. I stepped out into the hallway, slamming the door to the dorm room behind me, and started out across the field in front of the building. In the calm serene way that I handled things like this, I stood up and smiled. "Excuse me." And I went out the door after my sibling. She liked trees when she was sad. Trees and grass and the sky to stare up at and get lost in. And ten minutes later, that's where I found her - sitting against a tree. "Hey you. Is there room for two?" "Leave me alone..." I didn't mean to be rude to my sister - it wasn't her fault - but I just... I couldn't do this. I couldn't do this right now, or probably ever, and I was okay with that! I pulled my knees tighter against my chest and buried my head. The sky was still red. It would be dark soon. I wanted it to be dark... "You don't want me to. I know you don't, because most of the time I know what you're thinking. And you know what I'm thinking right now, too. Don't you? Why don't you tell me?" My voice wasn't my peppy Lanny tone, and it wasn't my depressed last-week tone. It was the sort of maternal voice I'd learned to use after Mom had died and it only came about when Hayden needed me. "What does it matter? Why can he see us? We were perfect, and I was proud, and he... he's such an asshole! It doesn't make any sense! We were perfect! I never want to see him again. I never want to see his stupid face!" And it was as if the universe really hated me that day, because Alex was hurrying across the field. "We'll work on it. We'll become closer and practice and make it all work, I promise. This means more to us than anything else, and we're becoming girls now so we get some say in who we are..." I hushed my voice when Alex came over and neither of us would look at him. "I'm sorry that I upset you, Hayden. I didn't mean to..." "Just leave me alone..." I mumbled into my knees. Alex didn't, though. Alex wasn't the listening type. He was the 'do what he thinks is right' type, and that kind of pissed me off more. "Marie will take you home, or Lanny or... whoever, I don't care..." "It means a lot to you two to be similar, doesn't it?" No fucking shit, Sherlock. I frowned. I wanted to hit his thoughtful little face. "I don't pretend to know what it's like for you... for both of you. You obviously love each other very much, enough to be together and I guess this means more to you than maybe anything else..." "Alex, maybe..." "You both have your own traits, and each of you tries to mimic the other. But if you talked about the traits you both wanted, and both aimed for them, I think you'd be indistinguishable." "Well I don't want your fucking advice, okay?" I wasn't sure Alex had ever heard me swear and I buried my head deeper into my legs. I was crying again. Alex was so nice, and he was trying to help, and I was being horrible, and I hated being horrible. What would mom think...? I started to cry harder, my chest burning. I couldn't think straight... "Hey... hey..." I took one of my sister’s hands in mine and ran my fingertips through her hair, cooing softly. Alex knelt down next to me and took her other hand and I frowned, but didn't stop him. "You can be anybody want you. Even if it's Lanny." "What would you know?" I finally frowned and looked at the boy. "I was born a girl. I know a little bit about wanting to be somebody different." I didn't have a reply for that. Things didn't get better. My thoughts got away from me the way I'd learned not to let them, and I couldn't breathe. But I couldn’t stay out here, sobbing in an open field, and Lanny knew it. She helped me to my feet and led me back inside. Emma lent us her room and I was placed on her bed. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn’t stop shaking. I couldn’t even breathe. Marie was at my side too, somewhere by my feet. Was I dying? And there were so many things I never got to say... I climbed on top of my sister, desperate for a solution that worked, and I put my hand on her cheek and kissed her lips. I was sure it would make Marie uncomfortable, but I kissed her lips anyway and kept my chest pressed to hers - her heartbeat was so ferocious, so intense, and mine was calm. She only kissed me once and it didn't help. But my sister, on top of me, her heartbeat so soundly beating against my chest, and mine so... fractured. I just wanted to be like hers... and slowly, it did. My trembling didn't stop, but the crying slowly did. I kept hyperventilating, but my eyes had drifted closed. If anything, I was exhausted. Maybe I was done for, though. Maybe this was it... "I'll... say hi for you..." I said slowly, and after that, I don't remember much else. --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

Alex is definitely a very observant character! I actually like having someone in the story that is a little more up to date on gender stuff versus Hayden, who is a little archaic if we're being honest. It makes for interesting conflict. I'm glad people are enjoying the difficulties these twins are going through, especially Hayden! And I promise the next chapter will only cause more problems. ^_~

21.) "What's with you, buttercup?" Alex was sitting on an over-turned shopping cart when he met up with Hayden and he wore a concerned smile, though one suited for the level of their friendship. "If you wanna talk, we can. If you don't, I'll pretend I don't notice." "I don't know what you're talking about..." I didn't cry, which was good. It would have ruined my makeup. And I made sure to change the topic in my head to circuses, which I liked. And the walk to the mall was a good hour away, so when I ran into Alex and he asked his question, I wasn't sure what to say. "You usually look down, at your hands or your feet or at the ground even. Always down. You've been looking up. You're doing it now. See? The tree? The clouds? The bird? If you don't want to talk about it, that's really fine." Alex really was an observant little anomaly. "Sometimes I look up," I said defensively. "You've only ever seen me reading or drinking tea, you know. You shouldn't assume things..." But, all in all, he was right. I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my capris and started the walk back from the mall. Alex followed. "You know you haven't yet told me that you don't want to talk about it." Alex smiled. "People have a habit of sending mixed-messages. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised." He laughed a little to himself. "Ironic." I rolled my eyes and turned my eyes back to the clouds. "You're doing it again." "I like clouds!" "Touchy, touchy..." I pouted and slumped my shoulders, turning my attention to my feet. I felt stupid for yelling at Alex, especially when he was right. "I think I'm nervous or something. Life's hectic right now..." "I'm an impartial observer. You can tell me anything and you'll never have to see me again if you choose not to. I'm an undefined variable. Tell me some of your hectic things?" Alex didn't ask it as a request, but instead almost like he was asking for a favor for himself. "I don't know..." I sighed and bit my lip. "My sister's really... pushy recently. She keeps wanting to do this thing, and I'm not really... I don't think I'm ready. Not yet. But I want her to be happy, you know? Ugh. Nevermind. Tell me more about you or something." "What does your sister want to do?" The topic was clearly the sore point in all of this, but Alex reminded the girl of his stance. "Remember, you can never see me again after today if you like. What do you have to lose by telling me?" "I don't know. Maybe because you're the only person in the world that doesn't know anything about me, not really, and that's kind of..." I bit my lip and turned to Alex with a smile, a genuine one. "Cool. That's kind of cool." "Whatever makes you happy. How far away are we going? To the college, right?" Alex walked with a sort of spring in his step that really only came with being someone completely free of worries or concerns. And nobody really had no stressors, but Alex definitely seemed like it. "Yeah, up to the East Undergrad dorms. It's really not so far, and we can drop you home. Oh, you didn't drive, did you...?" I hadn't even thought to ask. Damn... "No, no, I walked." "Awesome." I walked alongside Alex for a long while, not really talking about anything. It was still mid-afternoon. "You seem a little flat. I mean, more than usual." "I took ecstasy two days ago." "Ah. That'll do it." Alex smiled though, a knowing sort of sympathetic smile - the sort of smile that made it abundantly clear that he was smiling out of experience. "You should feel better late tonight or early tomorrow. Dark chocolate helps a lot." "Dark chocolate...?" The boy nodded and I shrugged. "My sister said sex..." He laughed, the kind of whimsical laugh you don't really hear often, and I felt my cheeks turn a bit pink. I liked how little Alex knew about me - it left little complications. And what was best, I had no romantic feelings for him. This was an easy friendship. "Sex would also help, yes. But then it's not like most people have sex available on call, you know? I mean if you do, then more power to you. For everybody else, there's dark chocolate." He was a definitely a well-informed young man if nothing else. "We'll hit a convenience store - come on." I pulled Alex's wrist up the hill to the store at the top, just a ten minute walk away from Marie's. Dark chocolate Hershey's kisses. I bought one bag and made my way straight to the counter. "You shop very well." "I don't even know what that means." "You come in, and you buy what you want, and then you leave. You shop like a boy. Most girls can't do that." Alex stood alongside the girl in line and swayed gently on the balls of his feet with a little smile. "Thanks, I think..." But the more I thought about it, as we left, the worse I felt. I started eating the Hershey's kisses, hoping they'd make me feel better, but they didn't. How did Lanny shop? I hadn't been shopping with her - I'd been reading books. I bit my lip hard and ate another kiss. Fuck, fuck, fuck... "You're stopped looking at clouds. Back to your usual thoughtfulness then?" The boy took a bite out of his apple he bought and chewed it thoughtfully as they walked; they weren't very far away from the school now. "Yeah... usual thoughtfulness is about right... it's just up here, on the right." I led the way into the dorm building, down the hall, to Marie's apartment. I took a deep breath and smiled up at Alex the best I could. "Be nice." Like he needed to hear that. --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

20.) We woke up around the same time, me on my back and Hayden cuddled up around me, head on my chest and one knee tucked up over my thighs. "Hey sleeping beauty..." I felt dreadful. Worse than yesterday! Gosh, what was wrong with me? "Ecstasy sucks." "Totes..." I climbed out of bed first. My body felt like lead. I tossed my phone to Lanny. "Call Hannah and figure out what the hell is going on with us so I don't jump off a building..." Maybe then I'd fucking feel something. I started to think about the questions the day before, the ones Landon asked me, and I wondered how accurate anything was the way I was feeling... "Okay." I smiled and looked at the phone with bleary eyes as Hayden left the room. Marie was in the kitchen scraping butter on toast and she looked up with a smile. "Morning Hayden. Want some toast?" She only knew it was Hayden by virtue of the way he rubbed his eyes when he first woke up - he did it with balled up hands and Lanny did it with the palms. "Kill me first, and we'll talk about it..." I sat down at the table and put my head on the marble. I was suddenly wondering if I could get more ecstasy to make me feel better, but I doubted it. "How'd you sleep?" Things with Marie seemed better today. I was happy about that. "Oh, you know. Most comfortable sofa in the world." The spare blanket was still draped over the back of the sofa in question and Marie sat down on the blissful cushions. "How was the night with your girlfriend? You're lucky - she doesn't snore or anything. I bet you're the little spoon, right? Lanny always seemed like the protective sort." She really was trying, despite the hollowness she felt in her words. "Um, it's not really like that... like... I kind of lay on her arm or something... it's something I probably can't replicate with words, you know? Ask me for a demonstration sometime." I sat up on my chair with a smile, which put Marie's falseness to shame. Fuck I wanted to die. Or sleep again. That'd be nice... "I'm glad you're happy." Marie let the topic change pretty quickly. "So we're doing a movie and meal today? Lanny mentioned it before she went to bed. You girls and me and Emma and Alex as well? Wow, that boy's going to be outnumbered by the estrogen in the room. Poor kid." "I think he's gay, so I don't suspect that'll be an issue." Gay boys bought girls books too, right? Or was he looking to cheat on his boyfriend? I didn't suspect so - it wasn't like a sixteen year old kid. "I'm really nervous. I feel terrible today..." But a second later my sister opened the door and motioned for me to come in. "One sec." "So... apparently Hannah knows I'm a girl now. That we're both girls. And I didn't tell her. I promise I didn't." It was a promise I was actually certain was set in stone - I hadn't told Hannah, not even when we were on ecstasy! Fuck... "Um... yeah, I might have mentioned somewhere between the... explaining why you were wearing purple panties and why the inside of my mouth tasted like your penis..." I ran my fingers through my hair. "We should really get dressed. I'm going to meet Alex at the mall and walk back here." "You told her? But you're the one who didn't want her to know!" I huffed and smacked my twins behind playfully. "Such a naughty little girl, telling me one thing and then doing another." I half-smiled at my sister and looked down at my hands. "So what did she say about feeling better, anyway? Is all this normal?" Topic changes were good. I started going through our duffel bag for something to wear. "She said it's because the serotonin is all gone for like three days after you take ecstasy and we just have to ride it out. She did say that sex would help..." My cheeks were read and I felt the need to back that up. "I'm not kidding, and I'm not just saying it to get inside your diaper, missy. She said that." Which did make sense, really... "Jesus, keep it down, will you?!" Marie, and everyone, certainly knew nothing about the baby stuff, and I preferred to keep it that way. I put my head against the wall and took a deep breath. It was fine. Everything was fine... "Pick us out something to wear, please..." "Oh, don't be a poutypants." I picked out a pair of capris on account of our smooth legs and began looking for a top to match. "We need new clothes. I mean, more clothes. I think this could be a problem, you know. I just want more things to wear, more outfits to put together. Maybe I should drop psych and be a fashion designer..." "Maybe..." Anything that kept the inevitability of the topic at bay. I suspected, though it wouldn't come up again until tomorrow, when we'd have to go home. Until then, I could enjoy my weekend as a girl with full knowledge that I'd be leaving as a boy. Hopefully. I changed into the white capris and purple top, the same my sister wore, and we both wrapped our hair up in pigtails, which was about all Marie could do with it. "You know we're really cute. I think there's something really appealing about attractive boys who become attractive girls." We sat on the sofa together while Hayden fingered through her phone looking for Alex's number. I was interested to meet Alex, of course, but I was also nervous. Anxious, even! "Hi. Yeah, Hayden. I know. I know, I'm sorry. I know. Not really. I know. I know. I know, I know. Okay. Right. Yeah. That's good. Okay. Bye." I clicked the phone off and turned to my sister. "He says I don't talk very much." "That's true. You don't." "Can't really argue that point. Maybe Lanny should be your liaison." "Oh yeah, I could make your appointments and stuff." "It's not like he'll be able to tell you two apart anyway - I barely can!" "Nobody can. That's how we prefer it." "Mom could," I said with a smile that very quickly faded. I took a deep breath and left my sister alone on the couch. "I'm gonna walk, I think. Walk there, walk back... um... I'll be home soon. I have my cell." I slipped my shoes on as quickly as I could and stepped out of the house long before my sister or Marie could get a word out. --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

Imagine that. A character that might notice their relationship is unhealthy. XD We're getting to the fun parts of the story now. ^_~

19.) I knew Marie had left. My eyes were still red, but I was definitely feeling better. I had over reacted. I caused drama too. This was always such a risk when I played Lanny - she was so outspoken, and most of my thoughts were best left unsaid. "Hey," I said with a small smile when Lanny returned. "I'm so sorry I put us in that mess..." "It's okay." I flopped down on the sofa and smiled. "Wanna sit on my lap? I wanna talk about some stuff. Wanna make sure you're happy, you know?" It wasn't something that should be put off, as much as I really truly wanted to. Marie had put those seeds of doubt in my head and I had to dig them out before they took root. "Of course I'm happy..." I frowned and scooted over, letting Lanny sit next to me. "You're really cute in your nightgown, you know?" I smiled warmly. I felt a lot better. I still felt stupid, though, for the stress I'd caused us... Marie was probably mad, too... "Marie is worried that you only want to be with me because I'm convenient, not because you find my attractive, or want to be with me, or anything like that." My cheeks were dusted with a little bit of sparkling powder that caught the light and I smiled. "So I'm going to ask you three very simple questions with yes or no answers, okay?" "Yeah... absolutely..." I looked at my brother with a bit of a frown. Convenient? What did that even mean... of course I found her attractive. Of course I wanted to be with her. No one understood me better... "Do you find me attractive physically?" The questions would be simple, yes or no answers. They wouldn't be entirely foolproof, but it would be a point of reference. Passion was difficult to prove and this was really all I had to go on. "Yes. I mean, which is a little weird, because I don't think I'm very physically attractive, you know? But that's a psychology thing, and self perception, and looking glass self. So really..." I bit my lip and looked up at my brother's expression. "Right... yes. The answer is yes." "Do you find me attractive emotionally?" This one needed a little more explanation. "Do you feel as though I complete you, or fulfill you, or make you feel something other people don't? A little spark somewhere in your tummy where if you close your eyes you can imagine yourself with me in every part of your future?" "I... um... I think so..." I wasn't really sure if Lanny completed me or fulfilled me, not really, but I couldn't imagine my life without her. I felt like I'd die. Maybe that's all it was. And she definitely made me feel something! So I nodded my head. "Yes." "Do you find me attractive sexually?" Another one with a minor amount of explanation required. "Can you imagine me being able to fulfill your sexual appetite and desires, and do you think you would find yourself fantasizing about me?" That was an ego-driven question, I supposed, but it was important. "Yes." It was an easier one. She already did all that. She satisfied all my fantasies so perfectly, and there didn't seem to be anything else. I answered all her questions. So the answer was yes, right? No more poutiness? I smiled happily. "Could you look someone in the eye that asked you on a date, another girl... and tell them 'no, I have a girlfriend.'? Would you turn down somebody else for me?" It was a fourth question, but I needed this bonus round. I was smiling, though. Or I had been. I'd smiled after the last one at how quickly she'd answered. "Absolutely," I said without hesitation. Really, though I only ever dated two people, and one of them was Marie. Dating wasn't something I did often, or something I did well. The idea of not ever having to do it again was definitely convenient. "Yes. Definitely yes." "I want you to prove these things to yourself, Hayden. I want you to daydream about us together, and I want you to involve me in your fantasies and I want you to look at me and want to see me in pretty things. And if anything falters, I want you to tell me, okay? I want to make sure I'm your one, Hayden. Not just your only." "I don't understand... I already do those things..." I mean, the daydreams had only really just started, since last night, but they were very much about my sister. Right? I didn't understand where all this was coming from... That made me happy. Gosh it made me happy. I pushed my sibling down on the sofa and climbed on top of her and kissed her firmly and passionately, smiling as I pulled her hair out of her eyes. "I'm sorry I'm so stupid. I just want to make sure I'm good for you." The door opened a second later. Lanny quickly climbed off me, and where I expected to see Marie, we saw Emma instead. Oh... great. "Um... Marie went... to the store..." So we dressed up like girls and made out on your couch, k thanx. "Hayden... Landon...? Are you two... I mean... were you just... and are you wearing..." She didn't leave, though. She just stood there trying to coordinate variables that didn't match, no matter how many puzzle pieces she went through in her head. It would have been smarter to cover myself up with the blanket than pull the clearly matching girlish nightgown down over my body. "Hey Emma..." Emma had met us a couple times, but we weren't explicitly friends. She was cool, as far as we could tell, and Marie seemed to like her enough. "So... do you always dress in girls pajamas and make out with each other in other people’s dorms?” "I'm sorry Em, Marie didn't tell us that you'd be home." Which totally didn't offer any explanation about the dressing as girls or the whole incest thing. Hm. "I prefer Lanny now, by the way..." "Oh right. You're girls now. Right? Like Cecily?" "I don't know who that is but I'm going to go with...yes." Hayden was cuddled up to my arm like a scared child and I smiled. "Well. Not quite like Cecily. She doesn't make out with her brother." "Sister." "Right." "Um... it's not like, weird or whatever, is it?" Emma was always a sweetheart, though she treated Lanny and me entirely different. She always talked down to me, like I was a kid, and up to Lanny, like he was a genius. I wished I could say I hated it, but I really didn't. "Whatever pops your cherry, babe." Emma smiled at Hayden as she went into the kitchen and then spoke to me - and clearly to me by the sound of her voice. "So how long's this been a thing? The girl thing? Anything I can do to help?" "I don't think so, Em. Thanks though. Look, I know you think it's weird but we're kinda dating and Hayden's pretty sensitive about it. You don't think we're freaks, do you?" "God no. If you want to, whatever. I mean, the sad fact about it all is that people are so narrow minded they'd never even get to judging you for that - they'd be too busy causing melodrama over the fact you're both girls." Well, she definitely had a point. I sat down on the edge of the couch and Lanny sat beside me. I laid down and put my head on his lap. He ran his fingers through my hair. "Alex wanted to meet you, I think." I hadn't texted him all week, despite promising. I had been busy... "Alex, the boy from the book-store? Are you going to tell him that you're no longer a single girl? How do you think he'll take it?" I liked playing with Hayden's hair. "He's got a boyfriend, I think, or something like that. He's like, not a boy or a girl, or something. It's a little confusing honestly, but he said just to think of him as whatever I see him as, which is, I suppose, a boy. And his not-really-boyfriend has a boy name, so I don't know..." I was rambling, but I was nervous. "Do you think you'd be interested in meeting him?" "How about we invite him over tomorrow. We could watch some movies, have some Korean delivered. You and I, and Marie and Alex and maybe Emma?" The girl looked up from her phone and took a bite of the carrot she was eating. "I'm in." Admittedly, the dorm-room wasn't the most spacious place in the world and certainly not for five, but we'd make it work. "You and I would have to cuddle to make room, sis." "I think I'm okay with that." I smiled up at my sister and Emma stuck out her tongue at the both of us. "I didn't know you'd be one of those ooey-gooey couples..." I closed my eyes and did my best to stay conscious. I really did feel tired after everything the day before. Hannah gave us a few warnings about the pills for over the weekend, but it wouldn't be so bad. "Oh, we're not very ooey-gooey. I mean, last night was a different story." I felt my twin’s cheeks heat up at the analogy - he knew exactly what gooey part of last night I was referring to. "We're new to being girls, so we get a confession. PDA's all around." "Okay. But put a sock on the door if you do are doing anything more than kissing, alright?" The whole night was a bit of a mess. With the lethargy of the car ride and the breakdown in front of Marie, Lanny and I spent the rest of the night pretty quietly. By the time Marie got home and put a movie on, I was feeling pretty terrible and excused myself to her room to sleep. Hangovers only last a couple hours... ecstasy sucks. "I spoke to Hayden." It was only Marie and I who were awake by time the clock read 10pm - both Emma and Hayden had gone to sleep and I was near that point. "I asked him if he wanted me because I was convenient... or if he wanted me because I was me. He said he finds me physically, emotionally and sexually attractive. That he fantasizes over me. That he'd turn down anybody else to be with me." "So what?" "What do you mean so what?" "God, Lanny, I find you attractive, and I've fantasized over you a million times. So why aren't we together? You know what, forget it, alright? I was out of line. Hayden and you will probably be very happy." But she certainly didn't sound sincere. "Can we just... not talk about it anymore?" "We're gay. And we're trans. And we're siblings. You know, I think we're going to face enough crap from, oh, I don't know, everybody. Having my best friend doubt us is... it's hard..." I didn't usually open up so readily, and I didn't know why I wanted her approval so badly, but I did. I needed it! "I know. And I'm sorry..." Marie looked down at her hands, her fingers playing with each other out of boredom and not anxiety the way Hayden did. She looked over at Lanny with a small smile and nodded. "I'll be supportive. I promise. I just... I think this is wrong. Not because siblings are dating, but because it's you and Hayden... and I just... I don't think this is how it's supposed to be, okay? I'm sorry about that..." "If you see that we're happy, one day, will you support us? Or will you always be waiting for and hoping for a day you're proven right?" I didn't want to paint Marie was petty, I really didn't! But I felt like she was convinced this was a bad idea and so very little would ever change her mind. "I'll support you now..." Marie smiled, a fake smile, but a smile nonetheless. "I hope I'm never right. I really do..." Marie shook her head and climbed up off the couch. "I'm tired. I'll sleep on the couch. Do you mind laying with Hayden?" Of course he didn't. "Are you sure? I can get her up, and we can lay on the air-mattress..." My eyes felt wretched though, horrible and dry and worn out the way that I guess ecstasy was renowned for. Having Hayden go down on me was incredible, but this feeling right now of apathy and emptiness and exhaustion was a close polar opposite. "It's fine. I'm fine here. Go be with her." Marie smiled the worst smile in the universe and put her head down on the pillow. She didn't sleep well that night, but most of it had nothing to do with the location. --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

Yeah this might be the story that best demonstrates the need for colored text. XD Thanks for reading and commenting, friends! ❤️

18.) I wasn't sure how, but Landon had convinced me to wear the skirt after all, and a diaper to boot. And that was how we drove. "We're changing at the gas station. You promised." "Do you like your presents, by the way?" It was the first time I'd thought to ask, though we'd packed them anyway. "I do. I mean, I think... they'll be interesting. I mean, those kinds of clothes never really crossed my mind, you know? Maybe because they were hard to find, or something... or getting them mailed was so difficult without you finding out... but yeah. Very excited." I was not, however, excited that Lanny had packed them. "Isn't it nice not having to hide it from me anymore?" It sure was nice not having to hide being a girl, so I imagined he must have felt much the same way. "They're really comfortable... aren't they? Diapers I mean. I hope..." I bit my lip and looked at my twin. "You don't feel like I'm taking something that's yours... do you? Like... overstepping...?" "No... I don't think so..." The sky was already dark. I was leaning up against the window instead of my brother. "I think that... it's a good thing. I mean, I like having someone I can share it with, someone who kind of gets me, you know, or at least... tries. I mean... I'd never that that with anyone else, and... and I shouldn't overlook it. Even if it's a little weird..." "I like weird. Makes me feel special." I pulled up by the truck-stop, as far from the building as possible. "Climb into the back, I'll change you out of your diaper little sis." Something about the idea just made me happy. It totally wasn't anything to do with the erection I was hiding. I thought about protesting, but... if the past week had done anything for me was normalize the entirety of everything. Maybe Lanny and I were boys, but we could be girls too. And maybe we wore diapers, but so what? And maybe we were siblings, but we kissed. So maybe having him change me could be a good thing. And it definitely helped my little side... We didn't have a huge car, but we weren't big girls either. Hayden climbed over first and laid down across the back seat. I followed him and knelt on the other end of the seat, reaching up his skirt to find the tapes. "Ooh, my little baby sister needs her diaper changed! Don't worry, big sis will get you all cleaned up." Not that he needed it, but pretending was fun. "Stay still, okay little girl?" I was never really into the girly side of baby stuff, but the way Landon put it... well, it was certainly appealing. I relaxed into the back seat of the car while my sister untaped the diaper from my body and slipped panties up in their place. I had to admit, I missed the diaper. It wasn't until we were on the road again that I said anything. "I really like this, I think. Us, right now..." "So do I. And a week ago I could never ever have guessed it... but I'm happier now than I've ever been... and it's all to do with you. You encourage me to be a girl, and we go away on these weekends and you let me baby you during the week and... and..." My cheeks were pink enough to be visible even in the dim light as we drove. "I... I hope what happened last night doesn't have to be a one-off..." "Yeah, well..." I put a little smile on my face and looked down at my feet. "Me too, I think..." Of course, my perspective of serenity was soon worn thin by the arrival at Marie's doorstep. Marie... but I was bored and stupid, so pushed my brother into her arms and walked right past them both. "You two love birds keep it down now, alright. I'm going to change into some cute pajamas." My Lanny voice was coming along beautifully. Oh that bitch! I frowned at my sister and grinned at Marie, falling into my Hayden voice. "I've missed being a girl, Marie. But don't tell Lanny... I... I don't want her to know how much I'm really enjoying this." After the way she yelled at me last week, I was pretty certain I wouldn't be telling Marie of our exploits of late. I did as promised, changing into pajamas that Lanny had packed. But of course, she had only brought nightgowns. I frowned and slipped it on anyway. Stupid sister... "Here you go." I tossed it to her happily. "I know you don't like those, and you probably think I'm a total jerk right now but you should get changed!" The message between the lines made me smile and I looked away coyly. "You’re so annoying sometimes." I stepped past Marie and pushed Hayden aside, then went into the bedroom to get changed. "So... how was your week? How's Hayden been? She seems to be in good spirits." Marie, of course, saw herself as talking to Lanny. "Yeah, I mean... I can't be sure, because you know how cryptic she is, but she seems much more content with everything. It's refreshing." Of course, I was speaking from experience, but she didn't need to know that. At the end of this, we likely wouldn't tell Marie, either. If we told her every time we switched, she'd suspect. But we only told her about 20% of the time. "I'm glad. And how have you been this week? I was worried about you, having to go home for a whole week and go back to your drab life as a boy. Did Hayden take care of you? She's such a doll. Far too sensitive to have ever been a boy, you know? I think this is best for her as well." Emma wasn't here, but she would be later and that would mean some interesting dialog. I put on a little smile and looked up at the ceiling. This kind of thing, this switching personalities, always had a lot of risks. We had rules. We'd established those rules, between us, and how questioning someone about ourselves was never really a good idea. But I broke that rule today, and I regretted it. "She's a great sister. We've been so close recently, and... I don't know. You remember last time we were here, and he had his fit about us... what do you think about all that?" "He was upset about you kissing him, but I told him that sometimes girls experiment once or twice - especially sisters and especially twins. Just don't do it again, okay? I'm sorry I chewed you out last week, but right or wrong it really upset him and you should be more mindful." Marie smiled and kissed the twins cheek. "You gotta be more caring when it comes to Hayden. He's fragile." It was a mistake to push things. I knew I was breaking the rules, but I was too stupid to stop myself. "He thinks you hate him." Idiot. Fucking. Ugh! "About the break up, you know. I just mean..." Stop. Really. Cut it out. "You aren't jealous, right? That we're..." "I don't hate him. I mean, I'm confused and I was hurt and peeved, but you know... I do worry about him." She kept her voice low. "I hope he finds someone as wonderful to him as you are, because he needs it. He needs someone who gets him, someone to pick him up when he falls down. He's like a lilting flower, you know?" Marie sighed and looked down at her hands. "I hope he finds someone like that." "We're together." It was petty and stupid, and I regretted it after I said it. But I just... I hated hearing her talk about me that way. I hated all of this. I took a deep breath and shook my head. "Hayden and I are dating and I really couldn't care less what you think." Before she could get a word out, I walked right past her and into Emma's room. "Hey..." I dropped the clothes I was folding and quickly put my arms around my twin - Hayden was crying. "What's the matter? What happened? Hey you, talk to me sissy, please? Let me help?" "Marie... um... knows... might have told her... I just... I wanna lie down... she's probably mad or whatever, but... I don't know... I just... please lemme lie down..." Lanny, as confused as she was, took me to Emma's bed and laid me down. I pulled the pillow over my head. I just needed a minute... if she saw me like this, she'd know it was me talking to her. I couldn't handle that right now... "Promise you're going to be okay? I can go and stall her, but I need to make sure there's nothing else I need to know - you told her what? That we've been messing around?" I gently ran my fingers through my sister’s hair and my voice was soft and calm. "What happened, beautiful girl?" "I just—" But there was a knocking on the door and I buried my head further into the pillow. I was such a fuck up. I was such a hopeless fuck up... "I need... a second..." I whispered. Lanny nodded and kissed my cheek. I got to my feet and went to the door, opened it, then stepped out in front of Marie and closed it to give Hayden the time. I'd be playing me immediately after he had and that was risky, but I had to protect him. "Sorry I stormed off... I wanted to clear my head. Long drive, you know?" What had he told her? Well, what had I told her? "Hayden is laying down, she's a little blah after the drive, too." "You can't fucking date your fucking sister, Lanny!" Despite the anger in her voice, she kept it low. She didn't want to wake Hayden, that much was obvious. "Are you crazy? She's already doing so much for you, and now this? Now you want to push her even further?" So that's the elephant that was now in the room. Huh. Okay, not so bad. "Look... it was something we talked about, after last week. After the kiss, we liked that closeness, Marie... and I don't know if we're dating really... we're just testing our boundaries. We've always been really close, you know...? And we need to figure things out." I hoped I hadn't contradicted my sibling. "It was as much her idea as mine, Marie... and it makes her smile. Really smile. This could be good for us, and who does it hurt?" "It... it hurts... you! It hurts her! And you! I mean! You can't keep this up! You can't keep going! And you're going to break up like couples and not... not be close the way you are now! You'll fuck it all up! Do you understand that?!" She was clearly pulling her complaints out of thin air, but a point was certainly not lacking. "It doesn't hurt me, and it doesn't hurt her. Marie... you know we've always been close. Really close. Did you ever try to figure out why Hayden broke up with you? I've been giving it some thought, and maybe... maybe this will help her trying to figure out what happened. Maybe... maybe she's had feelings for me for a while, you know? Maybe her breaking up with you was less about you and more about me." It was a long shot for anybody else, but I knew it was a hard-hitting topic for Marie and that it would force her to think. "How... how fucking... EGOCENTRIC CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE?!" She didn't keep her voice down that time, though. "You're fucking crazy! You think she broke up with me because of you?! You...! Ugh! You're a fucking lunatic! Fuck!" Marie stormed away from the boy, grabbing her purse off the hook by the door and slamming it on her way out. I followed her out of the dorm and all the way out to her car and then spoke very very clearly. "Marie. I know you don't get it. But it was Hayden... it was Hayden who wanted to be with me." Not strictly a lie - she'd been the one who'd said we were dating to Marie. "We're sheltered... we don't do bad things, we don't smoke or cheat or anything. We're just who we are. And now that we're girls... we need to experiment. It makes her so happy, Marie. Why don't you speak to her...?" "Because!" Marie frowned, turning back to the older of the two girls. She took a deep breath and crossed her arms, looking up at her dorm room with a frown. "This isn't a good idea, Lanny. And I'm glad you're both happy, but... it's not, okay? It's just not..." Marie shook her head and turned away again. "I'm going shopping. Be back in a couple hours..." "Please don't be mad, okay? You know I've always been there for Hayden. I know you worry about her. You think I'm selfish and ego-driven... but Marie... I'm the one who was there when Mom died. I'm the one who was there when Hayden was getting bullied for crying. I'm the one who did all her college paperwork when it made her stress. Please trust me to look out for her...? I'm not the selfish guy you think I am..." "I don't think you're selfish, Lanny..." Marie turned around with a little smile. She was forcing it, of course, but she was trying to lighten the mood. "You're the least selfish person I know... truly. But I don't think you always see Hayden properly. You think she's so much like you. I mean, you notice the little things, the changes, but... I bet you would have never guessed she'd start crying after you kissed that first time, right? You're an amazing sister, you are, but Hayden's a mystery to the best of us, and maybe you're too close to see the big picture..." "I know she did. I know she was confused, because she worries more about what other people think than about what she wants. And we talked about it, Marie... and this is what she wants. I promise you. Sacred pinky promise you. That if she says she doesn't want it, I'll make sure it never happens again. But... I..." At the last minute I thought better of mentioning the blowjob. That was ours. "I think you should be worried," Marie said with a frown, looking again up at her dorm. The lights were on. "You're a pretty convenient package for Hayden... and you really shouldn't mistake convenience for... passion..." Marie sighed and decided against that train of thought. "I..." A little frown crossed my features. "Hayden is a convenient package for me, Marie... and I... I feel passion too, okay? I like kissing her. I like it a lot. I like... I like..." I turned away. "I'll see you when you get back." Her words kept repeating in my head over and over and over. A package of convenience... it wasn't like that, though, it wasn't! --------------- (Sorry the delay on this one! We went away for the weekend. Anyway...) Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

17.) The dreams were strange, but waking up was even worse. It took me a whole five minutes to figure out where I was, and my brother was still sleeping in the bed above me. I felt terrible, like really terrible. I shook my head and made it to my feet, wandering out into the living room. It was nearly afternoon. Fuck, I missed my class... "Hey princess.” Hannah was sitting on the sofa with her legs tucked up underneath her body, a silver MacBook on her lap. Princess was a new word to Hannah's vocabulary, but after last-night it was hard to resist dropping it in there. "Advil is in the cupboard about the sink. There's bacon in the fridge; you can just heat it up in the waffle iron." The events of last-night, incestuous and taboo... well... they were best not brought up just yet. I put my head against the hard countertop and covered my head with a plate from the counter. I felt so fucking horrible. The night before was such a blur, and still crystal clear. I knew everything up until we fell asleep in the car, and nothing after that. Idiot, idiot, idiot... "So you and Landon, huh? How long's this been a thing? Or was it just from the ecstasy?" For as much of Hannah that hoped it was the latter for the sake of the boys’ dignity, there was a whole lot more than hoped it was a re-occurring thing. Who hadn't masturbated over the idea of them two making out? "I don't know..." I didn't want Hannah to know. I really didn't. I didn't want anyone to know! Gosh, what had I told her? All I could remember was her catching us kissing... "It's only like... the third or fourth time it's happened. Lanny really gets me, and I guess... I don't know, I don't think anyone else ever will. Not like that..." "I think it's really really attractive. You two should do some picture sets for Tumblr; the girls there would go nuts over that. Twin boys making out..." She fanned her face and grinned, looking over from the sofa. "So how far did you get with Landon last night? Second base? Third? He was laying there in his undies when we found you." Undies. Panties. "Does he always wear girl’s panties?" I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't really see him in his underwear a lot, you know... but I guess for maybe a week or something." I pulled the waistband of my underwear up - a matching purple pair of underwear. "We dress the same, remember?" "You dodged the question, by the way. How far did you two go? Come on, how many friends do you have that'll be as supportive about this as I am? Tell me everything." Hannah was so easily distracted and for a moment the notion of the panties slipped her mind. It wouldn't be for long though, and nor would be the things that Hayden had said about him and Lanny being girls. Well, she wasn't wrong. Hannah was something of an advocate for obscenity. I sighed and turned my head toward her, the plastic plate falling off. "Um. I think... second... base? Wait, is that being naked?" If so, Lanny and I had been at second base since conception. "I don't really understand the bases thing..." "It's really simple. First base is kissing. Like real kissing. Second base is groping, but can also be hand-jobs or fingering. Third base is oral. A home run is sex, and a strike out is not getting anything." The girl stood up and fetched the bacon she'd mentioned from before from the refrigerator and turned on the waffle-iron. "Oh... um... third base, then..." I really didn't feel like confiding in Hannah what I'd done with Lanny, but it was very much like her to find out anyway. And besides, Lanny was a girl, so it was totally fine... right? "You gave him a blowjob?! Oh my god. Oh my god! Was it your first time? Do you do that a lot? Does he ever blow you or are you the girl out of you two?" And then the penny-dropped. The panties. The talk last night. "What's with the girl stuff, anyway? You were babbling last night about how Landon is a girl and you are too." Fucking great... "I really don't want to deal with this right now, Hannah... I had a long night..." Which, obviously, wasn't a lie. I moved away from the table and sat down on the couch. I was supposed to go to class today, but with how late it was, there was probably little reason. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you pissy babe. But I want you to know that I'm completely in support of you two dating and doing whatever else. I'd love to watch you one day..." She grinned and handed him the plate of crimped and warmed-up bacon. "And if you two wanna wear panties or whatever that's cool too." "Yeah, well... I'm sure Lanny will love that..." Oh god. Oh god...! "Don't tell Lanny!" I sat up quickly, nearly causing the bacon to spill. "Why?" "Just don't." "LANNYYYYY." "Fuck, Christ, Hannah... fine. I just... if everyone around here starts being okay with it, with us being girls, he'll..." I bit my lip. "He'll wanna be a girl all the time. I just... I can't keep up with that..." "You’re boys." She rolled her eyes. "What do you mean, anyway? Be a girl all the time? Keep up with that? What are you doing up to...?" "What's all the noise...?" I stumbled out of the bedroom, rubbing my eyes, clad only in the sleeveless top I'd had on last night and the purple panties and nothing else. "You should put your pants on," I mumbled. Go away, damnit! "Right... pants... and those are..." "On the dresser," Hannah sighed. Lanny disappeared again into the bedroom and I dropped my voice to a whisper. "Just... don't mention it to Lanny, okay? It's not important. Just... stay quiet." "That he's wearing panties or that you sucked him off?" Hannah grinned and then added: "Do you spit or swallow?" I wandered back and buttoned up the pants, wincing at the light coming through the windows. "Is it like the brightest fucking day in the world here, or what? Fuck..." I squinted and pulled the blinds closed. I felt terrible. I felt my cheeks burn and I turned away from Hannah. She wouldn't say anything... right? But damn did she like drama. I bit hard on my lip and pulled my knees to my chest. "Are we still going to Marie's...? I doubt I can drive..." "I want to, yeah. I'll drive." Anything to be Lanny again. Last night was vivid in the space between my temples that made my eyes ache and I just wanted to smile and kiss Hayden and... wow, my chest was beating. "We can wait until later on today to go, though - I'm expecting a package anyway." Speaking of which. "We going to head back to our dorm?" "I don't think we have much choice. I need to pack." And by I need to pack, I meant Lanny needed to pack for me. I was still in the tight girl pants from the night before - Lanny the same - and our matching band tees. "Let's go then." I smiled at Hannah. "Thank you. For the pills. We had a great time. I mean it." And I did, too! Gosh I did. I looked at the clock and saw 2pm and smiled. Mail would be arriving at the dorms in an hour. "Come on, Hayden. We should shower." Together. Hannah smiled as Lanny and I left the apartment, but not before looking at me and putting her hand to her ear. "Call me" she mouthed, and I stepped out after Lanny. This was getting complicated. We had to walk home, which was less of a pain than it sounded. We were in different complexes, but not tragically far apart. * * * "I bought you a present." I wasn't going to tell Hayden at all, not until it arrived, but I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. "Just a little thing... not very much, but you've been so good to me and I wanted to be good to you too. Show you how much I love you." I bit my lip and looked at my brother, now very much without clothes and just a towel around himself. I felt my cheeks pinken. Gosh, I shouldn't be thinking like this... "Um... yeah? A present? That's really nice..." Though it didn't really matter in the end. It was out of our joint bank account. "A present. A proper present." We shared an account so buying presents was difficult without it feeling like it was spoiled by the financial situation - but that was sometimes transcended by the potency of the gift. Literally, the idea was worth more than the cost. We used the term ‘proper present’ for that. "Alright... if you say so." Lanny smiled happily and went to take his shower. I sat and watched television for as long as it took for the knock on the door. I turned to the bathroom, but the shower was still running. "Hello." "Package for Landon McNeill." "That's me." "Sign here please." I should have waited to open it. It was rude not to. But Landon wouldn't get mad, and he did say it was for me, right? I took out the fabric - amazingly soft and covered in butterflies - before opening it up to see what it was. A onesie, like what babies wear, with snaps between the legs and everything. And alongside it was a pair of padded panties in the same print. No. Way. No. Fucking... I bit hard on my lip and folded it all back up, pushing it into the packaging. My cheeks were as red as cherries. It was only a few more minute before the shower turned off and I came out, wrapped in my towel, skin pink and legs smooth, and went into my bedroom. "You should get in the shower, Hayden, go on." I spoke through the door with a chipper tone in my voice - something inherently Lanny. "Right..." I was glad he didn't see me, not blushing as badly as I was. I undressed and flipped on the shower, a note on the tile, written in pink soap. "Shave." I frowned and looked at the two razors. I had never shaved before in my life... When I got out of my bedroom I found the package opened in the living room, hastily stuffed back together. What a brat! I grinned and thought about something I'd been wanting to try and snuck into his bedroom to find myself a diaper. I'd never put a diaper on myself before, but what I wound up with was one of the thick garments taped securely between my legs and barely hidden beneath a pleated skirt as I sat on the sofa and waited for him to emerge from his shower. My legs felt wonderful touching each other and the diaper crinkled quietly. The blouse felt soft and I was oddly content. I hoped he'd be as content. What if his fetish didn't extend to seeing others in diapers?! "Jesus Christ, you scared the hell out of me!" I had opened the door to find my brother-now-sister sitting on my bed. I still had the towel wrapped around me, but he was dressed in a skirt and blouse. "No. No, I am not wearing that." I walked right past him and into my closet. "We talked about skirts. I don't like skirts, okay?" He looked like a schoolgirl. "Oh..." I bit my lip coyly and shuffled back up on the bed, leaning against his headboard, knees together and raised, ankles apart. He had to see the diaper from there! As soon as he turned around, he couldn't miss it. Look at me you dumb little ditz; I'm dressed up sexy for you! I pulled a new pair of underwear out of my drawer - panties, unfortunately - and turned back toward my sister. "Pink today, right? Honestly, I can't imagine why you like this so much. They're so uncomfortable... and are we wearing the same jeans?" Dressing was always a huge hassle between the two of us. Fine! We would do it the hard way. I stood up and wandered over to where my sibling was standing, the diaper crinkling especially audibly with only the skirt to muffle it. Was he really so oblivious?! "Well... you should probably make sure our underwear match. And then once we're dressed we can go look at your gift together?" I felt my cheeks get red. I had already opened the package - didn't he know that? Maybe not... oh crap... "Well, what color are you wearing?" I was still sifting through my drawer, but no answer came. I turned to my brother, in his skirt, and crossed my arms. "You're really not going to tell me? You're the one talking about synergy all the time!" I smiled and took my sister’s hand, closed her fingers around the hem of my skirt, and then lifted it just enough so that she could see. "Kinda whitish purple, I guess?" They weren't the cutest of the two packs of diapers my twin owned, but she had more of these and I figured the others were her favorite and I didn't want to waste one. "Oh... oh!" My cheeks went scarlet and I quickly dropped the skirt. She was wearing a diaper? Why? What? When? I looked over at my chest, still tucked under my bed, but the latch was undone. Seriously...? "I... um... we really need to get going soon. It's already four..." I pouted a little, and then a lot, and sat down on the edge of the bed, knees slightly apart with the skirt partially ridden up. "So it's just a you-wearing thing? Not a looking-at-other-people-wearing thing? It's okay, I wasn't sure, and I knew this was a gamble and I'm glad I know now..." "Well, no, that's not really..." I bit my lip and looked down at my feet. Fuck, was she hot... "I mean, I like... I like seeing... I just... don't really know what to do, maybe. I mean, the only people I've ever seen were on a computer screen so..." "Well I'm here now and I'm not on a computer screen and you have full permission right now to do anything you want." I bit my lip and nodded to the living room. "I was going to model your gift, but I figured you'd want to be the one to wear it first. So..." The skirt was pulled up and I touched a finger to my diaper - my diaper - my smooth legs making it all seem so appealing. "I went for the diapered school girl look..." "Right, well... that's very sexy..." I still didn't look up from the floor. I called my brother sexy. Fuck, I'd never felt so awkward in my life. "Um... okay... okay, but... but this seems like something we should... try out, when, you know, we have time..." "We have all the time in the world. I told Marie we'd be coming up late tonight, so..." I stood up and took my sister’s hand, sitting back down and placing her hand on my thigh, so close to the diaper. "We can do whatever you like. Or would you prefer I just take this off...? I can if you want me to...?" "No... I mean, I just...." I sat down on the bed beside my brother and smiled. Or I tried to smile. "So... maybe I'm not like, super honest sometimes... and I don't like that I'm that way with you. But you're a lot better than me at a lot of things, and that's okay, I just really don't..." I took a deep breath. "Sorry... frantic, or something..." I put my brother’s hand on my diaper, and his other one on my top, touching the padded bra through the blouse. "This is all about you, Hayden. You've been so good to me lately, and I want to be good to you, too! And now there's a pretty girl in your bed wearing a diaper that will let you do anything to her..." "Right, but... that's what I mean..." How badly it hurt to take my hand off that diaper. Fuck, it was just... he was just... I'd never met a more attractive person in all my life. I wondered why I never saw that when I looked in the mirror - we were identical, after all. "I'm kind of a virgin..." Which Lanny would know, if it wasn't for Marie. But as far as him, and Marie, and everyone else knew, both Landon and I had fucked her. That was never the case. "You... you never... with Marie?" I bit my lip and blushed. "I could be your first..." Wow. Had I said that?! I didn't even know what the words were and then they were there and my cheeks were red and my head was spinning and all I could think about was how much of a girl I'd feel like if he fucked me. I shook my head and stood back up. "No." It was all I really had to say, the only thing I was really sure of. I tried to rationalize it a little more, but I wasn't sure how true any of it was. "I don't... I don't want to... not now. Not today. Not..." I looked down. I felt sick. Anxiety. I knew a whole lot about it, and it still never stopped this feeling... "Sorry... I lied... I did... with Marie... I just wanted to think this was special... for you... to you..." I stood up in the little outfit and diaper and crossed the room over to where Hayden was standing. I put my hand on his cheek and kissed his lips immediately, intensely and passionately. My lips moved to his ear and I whispered: "Please don't lie to me. I know you never have and it's okay." --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

16.) "Would you be interested?" "In taking ecstasy?" "Well, just going to the club... we don't have to take them..." We had barely been talking two minutes before I brought it up. As always, we were dressed identical. "It might be fun... get out of the house, you know?" "Uh huh, sounds like fun." I couldn't have fathomed it earlier in the week, but after last night I felt more and more Lanny - despite my attire - and that meant I was feeling experimental and a little invincible. "What time? Are they picking us up? What're we going to wear? What do boys wear to clubs?" We'd been to plenty of clubs, but now I was actually noticing what people wore. "I... I don't know..." I liked Lanny this way, even if it caused me a bit of stress. Having her happy meant a lot more to me than anything. And maybe ecstasy would perk me up - who knew, right? So we tarted ourselves up in our girl jeans and a matching band tee. "Marie taught me how to do makeup, so I'm going to do that!" "To the club...?" "Boys wear makeup too, Hayden." "Really...?" I didn't want to discourage though, so I obliged. We wound up looking very androgynous - we didn't wear bras, but with our tight girl jeans and form-fitting tops we definitely tipped the scale toward the feminine. The makeup certainly didn't hurt that image, either! "You look so fucking sexy, Hayden..." I didn't say it until we were standing outside our dorm building in the parking lot, waiting for Hannah and Oliver. With his thick-lined eyes and mascara-laden lashes accenting the slightly sparkling powder on his eyelids and cheeks, Hayden looked absolutely beautiful in an androgynous way. "Wow." That's all Hannah said when we climbed into the car, but Oliver had a lot more on the subject. "You guys are gonna get manhandled dressed like that. Seriously, man." I shrugged my shoulders and opened up my book. "You can't bring that in," Hannah said. "I'm going to leave it in the car - hush your blush." "Cool your pool!" I chimed in, grinning. "You're just jealous that you don't look so fine, Olliepants." "Olliepants? What are you, three?" "Oh, don't be harsh - he's clearly ten." "Don't you give me that - no ten year old has this sense of style." Hayden didn't say anything, but that didn't matter; between our thighs where we sat in the back, out of sight, I kept my hand intertwined with his and felt downright invincible. "Now you girls know not to drink anything given to you by strangers, right?" I didn't protest the gender-joke and I would've rolled with it, but Oliver piped in. "They don't look like girls. Just really queer boys." "Sexy boys." "Careful man, you're making me think you jumped the fence." "Nuhuh, I like girls." And I did. That the girl I liked was my brother didn't need to be said. I left my book on the seat, as promised, though I had every intention to bring it in with me. Hannah probably knew that, too. My brother took me by the hand and led me to the entrance to the club. Hannah and Oliver stopped just outside. "Alright kiddos, you in or out?" He had a bag of little mints. "In," I said without asking my brother. I just needed to relax a touch... Everybody knew that it was a lot worse to be caught with ecstasy in a business than outside, so Oliver gave us each one of the pills and with a little look of trepidation at my brother, I popped mine in my mouth and swallowed just before we got to the front of the line. "How long't this take to kick in, Ollie?" "For your skinny ass? Five minutes. Come on." We flashed our ID's at the doorman and paid cover and in four minutes and twelve seconds we were inside the club. There was a faint ringing in my ears, and I could feel my siblings heartbeat through our joined hands and the music thrummed and I felt a sense of elation. We couldn't drink. That upset me for the first five minutes, as much as the music did, and after that I couldn't give a fuck. I watched my brother dance and I followed him without trepidation. The pill really did perk me up, to say the least. All the colors were brighter, and everything was just so... interesting. Texture. Tastes. Smells. But there was one particular drawback - a set of girls on the dance floor with pacifiers that made my body quiver. God, they were sexy... Somewhere along the way my hand slipped out of Hayden’s and I found myself dancing in a sea of bright colors and textures and cheap plastic jewelry and by the time I found my way back to my sibling I was similarly adorned; my left wrist had a dozen borrowed bracelets and there were two necklaces around my neck. And in my lips, from I don't know where, I sucked on a pacifier. Hayden locked eyes on me, my skin shimmering with body glitter, the pacifier between my lips, and he closed the distance, pulling my body as close to his as possible with lust in his eyes. I couldn't be sure if I was aroused or jealous. My brother barely looked like my brother, and with the pacifier between his lips, I... I ran my fingers along his outer thigh, my lips coming down on his neck. Fucking, fuck, was he sexy... the pacifier in his lips, the little candy bracelets, the smile... I was moaning into his ear as I traced my finger up his legs. I wanted him so badly... Hayden's fingers were like little live-wires, drawing electricity up my thigh as he touched me and I felt my tight jeans get even tighter. I smiled coyly behind the pacifier and ran a hand down his back, my fingers playing with his ass as we swayed together to the music, mutual lust above the boil over into something altogether more physical. I wanted him. He wanted me. We were beautiful and everything was perfect. There was nothing I could do about it. I was kissing him, and kissing him passionately, as my fingers ran up his thighs. I wanted him so very badly, and I knew it. God, did I know it. And if it wasn't for the crowd gathering to watch, Oliver might not have noticed. Our lips were upon one another, the pacifier in my hand that wasn't fondling my brothers behind, his hand running up my thigh, fingers so close to the bulge in my jeans and we were so lost in the moment that we were halfway out of the club before I realized Oliver was tugging us out and yelling something or other at the two of us. I tasted the cool night air and felt the firm surface of the bench on my ass as we were roughly forced to sit and I looked up at Oliver as he yelled, only catching bits and pieces. "God what the fuck guys, come on. That's fucking fucked and you're fucking up my high and jesus you're brothers and fuckity fuck!" We both looked at him. Hayden started to giggle. I giggled too. And then went back to kissing my brother. Like anything else mattered. Oliver pushed us apart again and I couldn't help but smile. "Just. Stop. Stop touching each other. I have to... find Hannah..." Oliver disappeared back into the club and I sat on my hands, making sure not to touch my brother at all. I leaned over, nonetheless, and kissed his lips again. The pacifier was still in his hand. I wanted it so badly.... "I want to... to take you down that alley and... and make you suck on my p....p...p...pacifier!" I giggled wildly and then kissed him. Then pinned him down on his back on the bench. And kissed him more. And then I didn't know how but my hand was down the front of his panties that I'd made him wear. And everything was right with the world, everything was perfect. When Hannah finally found us, we were still on the bench, my brother's hand down my pants and the pacifier in my mouth. I was so turned on... so ungodly turned on. But before we could take it any further, Oliver was separating us again. I whimpered in frustration and shook my head. "Cut it out!" "Guys. Guys! It makes you horny. This isn't you; this is the ecstasy. It makes you wanna fuck like bunnies but come on, you're brothers. I know you're sexy and stuff, but you know you're brothers, right?" Oliver frowned and when I tried to slip my hand down Hayden's jeans again, he'd had enough and stormed off, leaving us both with Hannah. "Please... Hannah... I wan' my Hayden now... please... she's so sexy and she wants me too, ask her!" "You're really fucked up, aren't you? Did you have alcohol, too? Did someone buy you alcohol?" I smiled and curled up against my brother, my cheek against his, but then Hannah took the pacifier from my lips. I have no idea why. I have no idea why I reacted the way I did. I have no idea why the tears started and I began to cry. I couldn’t help it. Hannah was absolutely taken aback. "That's... mine..." I huffed and quickly snatched the pacifier away from Hannah like a protective parent and gave it back to my sister. "Tha's not yours, Hannah!" "Alright. Jeez. Okay. Look. I'm going to get you two some food, okay? It'll help. Can you please promise me not to fuck each other while I'm gone? Please?" The pacifier had found it's way back to Hayden's lips and I had my arms crossed and I nodded, doing my best to look stern. "Fine but don't take her pacifier no more, okay?! Meanie!" It was a little obtuse to have Lanny as the lucid one between the two of us, but I was really fucking messed up. I'd had nothing to eat all day, after what happened that morning, and I was entirely entranced with my sister-now-pacifier-protector. I crawled up on his lap and ran my fingers along his thigh. "Please... can we... find somewhere for us? I wanna... um..." My cheeks were burning up. "Uh huh... uh huh..." The part of me that promised Hannah was lost the moment my sister climbed up on my lap and began to tease along my thigh again and I looked around, not really sure where we could go. "You tell me what you want, Hayden. I wanna hear you say it in your pretty voice and then we will, we will we will..." My head was swimming. I didn't know where we'd go but I knew we had to go because I wanted my brother and I wanted him now and it couldn't wait anymore and fuck Hannah and fuck Oliver and... and... I felt my cheeks warm up. He really wanted me to say it...? I bit my lip and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "I really wanna... um... try giving you a blow job... I just... really fascinated... and you're just... you're my favorite, and... and you're a girl anyway, so it's fine..." I'd regret everything I said the next morning. We got up off the park-bench, my hand in Hayden's and the pacifier in his lips and a mutual goal in mind. It didn't matter where we went, it didn't matter at all - we could have done it right there and then if I wasn't afraid Hannah would stop us. We wandered out into the parking lot and then I fumbled the broken-door-handle to the back seat of Oliver’s car, opened the door, then pulled my brother inside. I slipped the boy's pants down his thighs in a heartbeat, my fingers running along the bulge in his panties. I'd never even had the opportunity to touch another boy other than myself, but he wasn't a boy, and this was normal, totally normal. People have sex on E all the time. So I lowered his panties and his cock sprung to life. I started to run my hands over it. My chest was pounding and this was so much more surreal and wonderful than any music in the club. My sister ran her fingers along my cock, my cock that had been rock hard the moment we'd started to dance and I started to breathe heavily, taking the pacifier from her lips and sticking it between my own. I wanted her so badly, so badly. "Pwease... Hay'en... pwease dun' wait..." Talking with the pacifier was awkward, but it only seemed to turn Hayden on more. For the first time in my life I took a cock in between my lips and did my best to replicate the boys in the porn I'd seen online. I kept bobbing my head up and down, lavishing his member with my tongue. It was a lot weirder than I thought, since I couldn't bite or suck the way I would my pacifiers. The only down-side of ecstasy-based arousal was how intense it was, how hard it was to draw anything out, and the moment his lips touched me I felt like I was going to cum. The fact that I didn't was only testament to my willpower, and my fingers ran through his hair as he continued to bob up and down on my cock. My brother. My sister. My Hayden. My Hayden was sucking me off. Oh gosh. Oh gawd. I wanted it to last forever, but I knew it wouldn't, I knew how close I was and how exhausting to hold back. When my brother quivered beneath me, I should of known what was going to happen. I mean, it's kind of obvious, right? But with his cum squirting into my mouth, I had absolutely no idea what to do. I did my best not to let any get on Hannah's car, and that meant most of it stayed between my lips. I sat up with blatant and hopeless confusion, my mouth full of cum, and my brother lying on the back seat. I was barely conscious, barely able to move, my eyes closed and my breathing ragged and the pacifier on the floor. "Hayden... kiss... kiss me... please....?" I didn't know that his mouth was still full of cum! I didn't know that he didn't know that he was supposed to spit or swallow. I didn't know any of that until his lips touched mine and I tasted something entirely new to me. My eyes went wide and I tried to stop him, but the moment we were kissing Hayden did know what to do and he made sure that kiss lasted until every drop of my cum was in one of our respective tummies. I didn't fall asleep, not really. Lanny still wasn't wearing pants when Hannah and Oliver found us, but his panties had been pulled up, still in plain view, and very obviously feminine. We were both cuddled together in the back seat, and Hannah was at a complete loss. She didn't know what else to do but to take us home, to her place. Landon had crashed pretty soon after getting back to Hannah's dorm and Oliver had gone home, which meant only the girl and Hayden were awake at 3am that morning when the ecstasy finally cleared out. Hannah sipped on a coffee as she watched Hayden in the arm-chair contemplatively. "It's kinda hot you know. You and Landon. I didn't want to say it in front of Oliver, or encourage it, but you two just... kissing like that? Really hot... I don't understand though, why was Landon wearing girl’s panties?" I shrugged. It was a lie. The ecstasy, despite the diminishing effects, was still somewhere in my blood. Things pulsed the way things shouldn't and everything was a little hazy. My brother was asleep, and Hannah was well and truly Hannah again. I felt more... drunk now, than anything. "Iono..." I kept the pacifier in my mouth. "Have you two... done that before? Kissed and..." Hannah had seen Landon with his hand down his brother’s jeans. "Well, you know. I knew you two were close, I just didn't know you felt that way for one another." "Iono... I mean, like, she's... she's so lovely and... and nice to me, and I know lots of people are, and lots of people like me and stuff, and Lanny's just special because she knows everything but she... gosh she's just... I'm not gonna find anyone like that, Hannah, and I shouldn't just let it get thrown away." I smiled up at her, despite the mild incoherence. "You know you keep calling your brother 'she' right?" Hannah rolled her eyes, but she didn't want to ruin this - how often does a girl see two incredibly gorgeous boys who have the hots for one another. "Oliver doesn't get it and he's probably going to be an asshole tomorrow, but don't listen to him, okay? If you two want to kiss and... other... stuff... you go for it, I say." And then, she couldn't help but ask. "What did you do, anyway...? When we found you in the car..." I felt my cheeks get red. I felt kind of like I was falling. The no food thing wasn't very smart. Oliver didn't know though, and neither did Hannah. I was in a perpetual haze. Eventually, my blood sugar would crash and I'd be out cold, but until then, I was falling. "Iono... I mean, I never did that before, so... I mean, it's not gay 'cause it's not a boy..." "You mean you..." Hannah grinned like the cheshire cat and scooted forward. "Did you and Landon have sex, Hayden?" It was a question Hannah never imagined she'd be asking her best friend, but there it was nonetheless. "And why do you keep calling Landon a she and a girl and not a boy? Landon is your brother. You're twins." "No.. it's... it's a secret..." I shook my head. The coherence was really lost on me. Every suck of the pacifier brought me closer to sleep, but each of Hannah's words put me in the real world again. It was an endless battle, and no matter how many time Hannah tried to remove the pacifier, I'd just cry and cry. "I'll let you keep the pacifier if you tell me the secret, Hayden. Wouldn't that be nice? You can sleep with it all night." It wasn't unusual for first-timers to find the teeth-grinding alarming. The pacifiers definitely helped with that, to say the least. Still, the way Hayden was with it was... almost child-like. Hannah hadn't seen that before. "But... but it's... mine..." "Then you'll tell me the secret." "I... yeah... um... well... Lanny's a girl, so... so I'm a girl, because we're the same... that's it..." I wasn't even sure why it was a secret anymore. I was so tired, but more than that, I was so exhausted. I didn't close my eyes, but my head was propped up awkwardly on the couch. "And why do you think Lanny is a girl, Hayden?" Landon was laying in Hannah's bed so she figured she'd just sleep on the sofa, which left the pull-out for Hayden. "Hop up, I'll take you into my room and you can lay on the pull-out and get some sleep." Hayden was four types of exhausted so it wasn't at all surprising that he was babbling like this, but it was the consistency of the babbling that was worrying Hannah. "Lanny is a girl! She is!" I frowned and shook my head, but Hannah had already pulled me into her room and plopped me down on the pull out bed. I looked up at her with a decisive pout and tried to talk about something else, but the pacifier was so relaxing, and the bed was so soft. I thought about trying to stay awake, but without Hannah's words, it was impossible. Hannah closed the door and flicked off the light, leaving the twins in their respective adjacent beds and laying herself down on the sofa. They'd had sex. Well, some form of sex. Hayden was dressed, so maybe oral? Incest was so wrong, so taboo, so.... so fucking hot, god. With no regret at all, Hannah let her hand slip down her panties and prepared to finish off her night with a happy ending over the idea. --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

15.) I didn't see Lanny until well into the afternoon when I made it back for dinner. "Hey, Lanny, you home?" Lanny was second nature to say now. Through the safety of my cocoon of comforters - I was cuddled up to Hayden's and then had mine over the top of my entire self, with another on top - I could hear my sister having gotten back, but I just didn’t have the energy to move. I'd been crying since I got back, and my eyes were puffy and red and I wasn't even sure I could talk. So I stayed quietly huddled away, even when Hayden sat on the edge of my bed. It took hours to get her to talk. It took another whole day to make any progress. But by Wednesday, both of us were drained, her from living and me from helping her live. I took that day off class and stayed home to make her feel better, and the more it happened, the worse I felt. We spent that night in silence. We were both so burnt out, and I started to wonder... how good a thing were these weekends? At two in the morning on Thursday, I woke up and I went into my sister’s room, almost on auto-pilot. He'd been sleeping with me all week, and I found his chest of baby things, fished out a diaper and - to my great amusement - a vibrating bullet, before going back to my bedroom. Slowly, quietly and gently I began to pull down his pajama pants. Everything was better this way, everything was. I knew it was. This made us closer. He didn't stir as I pulled down his underwear, either, and as quietly as I could I began to unfold the diaper. I always slept better on my side, and even as I rolled over, I felt my back strangely positioned on the bed. I tried to open my eyes, but the room was still dark, and then lips touched mine. It didn't wake me up right away, not the way I suspected it would, and I felt my cheeks warm up in the heat of the bedroom. Maybe I was dreaming. The lips came again and I kissed back. My brother was my sister and had her diaper on and we were kissing and it was wonderful and my hand gently traced down her thigh to the little control box for the vibrating bullet situated alongside his hidden-away cock. I started it slow so as not to startle her. I felt so alive. I felt my body jump as the vibrations surged through my torso and my cheeks turned scarlet. I was certainly awake now! I looked up at Lanny's eyes, blushing furiously, and tired to push him off me. "Jesus... y...you scared me... lemme... up..." I put my finger to his lips and then pressed my other hand to the front of his diaper, feeling the vibrations from within. That hand strayed for a moment to turn up the speed just a little bit and I spoke very softly. "Hayden my pretty little sissy, we're all alone and so sad, everything is sad and I want to make you happy..." Then I kissed him with a forceful tenderness that I knew he couldn't ignore. I knew he liked kissing me as much as I liked kissing him. "Lan—" But his kisses silenced me and I moaned into his mouth. The vibrations in the diaper were unbearable, and every notch the vibrator went up and I feel deeper into the sensations. I could hear the crinkling of the diaper as my sister touched it and I couldn't remember him having put it on me. "We... c...can't..." "We can. It's our bodies and we can do whatever we want..." I rubbed the diaper like last time, but not as forceful - really I just wanted to make the crinkly plastic sounds; the vibrator was doing the rest. "I've wanted to kiss you ever since we got back, and I know you feel the same..." To be fair, I did keep kissing my sister any time she tried to protest, but the way she kissed made it so clear that I was right. "Please, Hayden… be my baby sister who I kiss...?" The kisses silenced me and the vibrator sped up. I lost my breath entirely and the speed slipped back down to half. Talking was certainly out of the question; breathing was hard enough... I didn't kiss him this time, I spoke very clearly though, my voice definitely in my girl register. "I want you to kiss me. To roll me over and to pin me down and to kiss me. And if you do I'll turn your vibrator up and I'll rub your diaper and I'll make you feel so yummy... and if you don't, I'll turn it off..." "I... Lanny... you're..." I shook my head, my whole body quivering in anticipation. It just... it felt so amazing. So beautifully amazing... but it was wrong, wasn't it? "I don't... need you to... to do this..." But when he lowered the speeds again, I had a quick change of heart. I reached up and grabbed his hair in my hand, pulling him down on top of me and kissing him hard. Fuck, what was wrong with me?! I knew it! I knew it I knew it I knew it! And as my sibling kissed me, I turned the vibrator up again and let my hand rub the front of his diaper, my other hand slipping up under his pajama top and pinching and pulling and playing with his nipples the way I would a girl. The kisses continued, driven by him, lead by Hadyen and lavished upon me. I shifted to the side a little and one of his thighs pressed against my lumpy panties between my legs, eliciting a gasp of wonderful elation from my lips. "You make me... so... so... turned on... Hayden... I wish you knew... I..." He kept kissing me, and I kept rubbing his vibrating diaper, and softly grinding against his leg. I turned him over so I was on top, and the kissing continued. I was so turned on, and I hated that I was, but at the same time I absolutely loved it. I curled up against my brother as the vibrator spun all the way on. I clung to his body as the wave of pleasure rang through me and my diaper filled again with the warm sticky mess. In the end, as I continued to tremble, I collapsed on top of him. My hand wound up finding the control box as my sibling, entirely spent, gasping and panting and quivering cuddled up in my arms. I turned the dial to zero and whispered into his ear. "Tell me you love this as much as I do... that you want to do it more... that you want me to kiss you, even now..." He was exhausted and I expected he'd slip off to sleep in a few more moments, but I wanted his admission... I needed to hear it, in his words. "I... I did... I did love it..." But the next morning, when the memories had come rushing back, I was much less sure. It had happened again. Marie said twice, right? Twice was okay... but it couldn't happen a third time. It was Thursday though, and Lanny had class. I had an afternoon course as well, and it kept me mostly out of the way of my sister throughout the day. Time to think... * * * Hannah pursed her lips at Hayden when she sat down next to him on the edge of the brick-wall that separated the gardens from one of the walkways; he had a flower in his hand and was looking thoughtful. Nobody came down here this late in the afternoon and it afforded a modicum of privacy. "Remember when we were eighteen, and you promised me if there was something on your mind, you'd tell me what it was?" Tonight was the night Hannah and Oliver wanted to take the twins out to do ecstasy, and Landon had been a great deal better, but Hayden was... less so. "I don't know how you remember shit like that..." I smiled up at Hannah and looked back down at the flower. "It's nothing. Cheering Lanny up is taking a lot out of me, and... I don't know. He'll feel better soon..." I took a deep breath and looked up at Hannah. "Hey, if there's... if there's something that you do that makes you really happy, but because you do it, it makes you really sad when you're not doing it, and you can't do it all the time, is it better not to do it at all, or to be miserable...?" "I think it's better to eliminate the environmental factors that prevent you from doing it all the time." That was a basic answer and Hannah knew it wasn't all-encompassing, but it was a start. "I don't know if you've seen Lanny today, but he's bright and bubbly and cheerful and I don't think I've ever seen him so exuberant. So whatever you did worked." "Yeah... I guess..." So this was the trade off. I could make my Lanny happy on the weekends by dressing as a girl and happy on the weekdays by dressing like a baby. It didn't sound so bad, not really, but it certainly felt it. But this was my Lanny... "Yeah, you're right. Thanks, Hannah..." "Hayden... if you're in trouble, you'll tell me, won't you?" Hannah didn't know what it was about Hayden, but she felt like there was a sense of loss there, a sense of defeated resignation, and that wasn't something she was used to seeing in anybody, let alone one of the twins. "Yeah. Sure." I smiled up at Hannah and put my head on her shoulder. "I'm okay, though. I think I'm a lot better now, now that I know what to do." Or at least, I hoped so. But daunting couldn't even begin to describe it... "What are you and Oliver doing tonight?" "Hitting the club." "Right, that's tonight... maybe we'll come. I'll talk to Lanny." "We'd love to have you come along. Even if you decide not to do pills with us, you two don't do social stuff very often and this could be good." Truth be told, Hannah liked Hayden more than Landon, but only because she felt like she had more she could offer the more sensitive of the twin boys. Ordinarily, Landon was much more outgoing and friendly and easy to handle - he was more suited to Oliver. --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

14.) Marie picked me up and Lanny and I started the drive home. We both wore our makeup and clothes because it made Lanny happy and it didn't make me unhappy. I put my head on her shoulder and decided to close my eyes. We talked very little about Alex, and that surprised me, but I suspected there was little to say anyway. He was just... a nice boy. And it wasn't a date after all. My sister fell asleep on my shoulder and I wondered about her and everything I knew now. I thought about how we'd joke about diapers for road trips and how that must have made her feel and I decided that I had to make it up to her. But by the time we got home, when the realization that I couldn't be Lanny anymore started to set it... I just felt sick. So very sick. I frowned as we pulled in and began to wipe back tears so Hayden wouldn't see as she woke up. "We're... home." We unpacked and changed clothes. Lanny was so reluctant, but we'd made our deal. I would be her sister, but here, at home, we had to 'pretend', the way Marie had put it. She seemed to like my wording. The next day, we both had classes. I met Hannah and Oliver at the lunch table before Lanny's class had come to an end, and Mimi ran up and threw her arms around me. "Wrong twin, Mimi." "It's not my fault, gawd, you two like, always dress the same. How's a girl to tell?" "How do you know which one you have a crush on then, Mimi?" Oliver grinned and heaped a spoon of bakery pasta salad into his mouth and Hannah piped up with a suggestion. "Maybe she just likes Landon's name better." "Than Hayden? Hayden is a good name. A strong name." The boy laughed and Mimi pouted. "I'll have you know that like, Landon is like, cuter - no offense but he just is. And he's taller too!" "They're identical twins, Mimi..." Mimi was the outcast of our friendship group - she was the girl no one really wanted around, but she was somehow around anyway. Oliver had nicknamed her Me! Me! since she was always thinking about herself, and while the nickname seemed to stick with my brother, I didn't partake. I didn't like to be mean. Still, the girl did try my patience. "He blabbed about you all weekend," I told her. "He keeps talking about these developing feelings..." I still had to get him back for kissing Marie. "He did?! What did he... oh my god, oh my god. Is he coming to lunch? I have to go freshen up. Don't tell him I was here!" Mimi bounded off to the bathroom and Hannah shook her head. "You shouldn't encourage her. How was your weekend anyway? You went away, right?" "It's a bummer. We got some pills and were going to go out, but we decided to wait for you. So Thursday I guess now, yeah? You're going to come, right?" "They've never done ecstasy before, Ollie. Don't pressure. But seriously, we'd love to have you come along." "It's not really our scene," I said with a smile. "We went up to Marie's." Hannah looked at me a little nervously and I did my best to smile. "Lanny kissed her and said it was me - that's why I'm doing the Mimi thing..." "Serves him right," she said harshly. "Anyway. I know it's not your scene, but you should come because these things are usually $40 a pop and we don't usually have the money to afford them and we wanna show you." "Don't pressure them, Hannah, ohemgee!" Oliver grinned, mocking his girlfriend. "What did you two did with the ex for a weekend? Rekindle old flames?" I was actually glad when Mimi came back, because I didn't want to answer the question. "You look really nice, Mimi. Just his type. I mean, really." And the next minute, Lanny came in and sat down, putting his head on the table. It was very unlike him and I saw an opportunity. "Oh God, Hayden! I can't believe you came in and acted like that! Fuck, man..." I quickly climbed up from the table, hurrying out of the cafeteria. Mimi stood there in awe, amazed that all the words I’d said were from Landon himself. "Wow, he really loves me..." "What, fuck, no. I'm Lanny!" "You don't have to cover for your brother, Hayden," Hannah said, continuing the bit. "I’m not Hayden!" "Fine, then what's my birthday." Hannah smirked. Lanny never knew her birthday at all - it was a very Hayden thing to remember things like that. "That's what I thought." And she hurried away from the table. "I think you just got owned," Hannah said smiling. I put my head back down on the table and sighed, looking across at the far wall with a little frown now that Mimi was gone. "Have you ever felt like everything lost its color overnight...?" The question wasn't posed to anybody in particular though, but I knew Oliver and Hannah were looking at one another with concern the way they did. I closed my eyes and sighed. Everything sucked. Today sucked. This school sucked. Mimi and her shrill voice sucked. Everybody sucked except for my sister and my sister was busy pretending to be my brother and running off pretending to be me if I were a boy. Which I guess I was. "You alright, kid? I don't think I've ever seen you so down. Is it just the Mimi stuff? You know how Hayden is with pranks - and you did start this with kissing Marie." Hannah and Oliver weren't fooled by Hayden's ploy - they knew the boy at the table with Landon. "That wasn't my fault, I can't be held accountable for that, I was..." I didn’t really have an excuse, did I? "It's complicated. And I said I was sorry. But it's not that anyway... it's not that. I just feel like I saw something amazing and now everything is so ordinary..." "I warned you about playing Geometry Wars and listening to Symphony of Science at the same time, man! Fuck..." Oliver shook his head and reached into his backpack, passing along a flask of whiskey. "Burns like fire, but a swig will help." "You still shouldn't go around messing with Marie. I'm amazed Hayden went with you!" "Ugh..." I got up from the table and walked away without a word - I just couldn't deal with it, couldn't deal with anything. It all seemed so pointless. By the time somebody actually found me, it was Hannah and I was sitting on the floor against the wall between the entrances to the men’s and women’s bathrooms. Why did we have to come home. "I don't wanna talk Hannah..." "Hey, just... come on, talk to me, please? I'm really worried about you. You're never this way - that's your brother. So come on, please?" Hannah sat down next to the boy - closer to the girl's side - and put her arm around Landon. She usually only did this with Hayden... "Let's go. Talk it up. Come on." "I had a really good weekend is all and now I feel like all this... this routine, this everything, this school, this life... I just feel like it's meaningless and pointless now and those aren't the same thing. They're just similar." I was babbling in a way I rarely did and I only realized after that little bit there that it was Lanny babbling - my voice had even slipped into Lanny-space. "Maybe you're sick, or depressed or something... did you talk to Hayden about it? He's always so much better at making you feel better..." Hannah pulled Landon close and kissed his forehead. "Come on. You'll get better, I promise. Everything does." "I know I'll get better... I'll get better by the weekend, I know I will. That's just so far away..." Truth was, I didn't know where Hayden was - probably in a class anyway. And here I was, cuddled up on the floor with Hannah and just so pathetic. Oh no, don't cry. Don't cry Landon. It was too late though, and I did my best to hide the fact with the palms of my hands, but Hannah saw right through it. I didn't cry - everybody knew that. "Jesus, Lanny... come on... come on, let's get up..." Hannah walked the boy across to an empty classroom with a frown on her face and rubbed the tears away. "What's up? Really? Because this is just so... Hayden. And I don't know what to really do, and I want to help..." To be perfectly honest, Hannah wasn’t completely sure this wasn’t Hayden. Even when they were playing as each other, Lanny didn’t cry. It was a weak point in their mimicry. "I'm a big girl; I'll sort it out. I mean, I'm all sorts of fucked up, that's all." The word girl didn't even occur to me until long after I'd said it and I didn't know if Hannah caught it any earlier than that, because I was busy trying to avoid eye-contact. I wanted my sister... I wanted my Hayden. I wanted to cuddle with him and play with his hair and hide away from this. "I'm going to my dorm..." "Right..." The girl comment must have been a joke or something, something to do with crying, but Hannah didn't want to comment on it, not then. She offered to walk her friend back to his dorm, but he declined. So they parted ways. --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

13.) "She seemed a little bit off..." It wasn't like Marie to read too much into things when it came to the twins, but at the same time it was sometimes difficult not to do just that, especially when things seemed strained. She opened the passenger door for Hayden, and then went around to the driver’s side of the little compact car and got in herself. "Maybe she doesn't want me to go... but she'd just say so." Lanny was, if anything, direct. She wasn't the type to hide feelings or beat around the bush like most girls our age. Lanny didn't think about consequences very much. Conversely, I couldn't help but think about them. I bit my lip and pulled my feet onto the seat with me. "I'm nervous, I think... but it's not a date..." Who was I trying to convince? "Tell me about him - the boy? Maybe talking about it will help calm your nerves." That mostly, but also Marie was curious about the boy who'd asked out Hayden under the pretenses of her being a girl. She was very convincing, of course, despite her voice, and that brought about all sorts of curious questions. Did he know she was a boy? How would he react? Was he the violent type? "He's... he's nice, I guess... I don't know. He reads a lot. Bad guys never read, you know, so I know he's a sweetheart. He bought me a book. He asked me for coffee. I think he thought I was younger than I am..." But that's really all I knew about Alex. The little and somehow aptly named Dirt Candy Cafe looked like it might have been out of a movie from the turn of the last century, with two little tables and umbrellas out the front behind wrought iron fences and a shop-window with ornate lettering. Alex was sitting at one of the tables out the front, a little silver tea-pot and two slices of some manner of cake on a plate in the middle, and a book in his hands. "Gosh, is that him? He's cute. But like... fifteen..." Marie motioned as she pulled up the car a few stores down so as to be discrete and allow Hayden to wander up at his own pace. "He is not..." Maybe he was. What did I know? But he didn't seem like it... "I'll call you when I want to be picked up, alright?" Did he drive? Would he drive me home, or to Marie's, or whatever? Gosh, was he old enough to drive...? I decided I'd try to be a little more active today in my conversation. I climbed out of the car and made my way down the sidewalk. I was late, and when I sat down across from Alex, I made sure to mention it. "I'm so sorry... I woke up late..." "You woke up right when you needed to," Alex corrected with a little smile and set his book down, the cord from his bookmark keeping his place. He reached across the table and poured out a cup of steaming ochre liquid from the teapot into a little cup in front of the girl, and smiled. "They do amazing rose tea here, and I ordered you a slice of carrot and zucchini cake." "I don't think I've ever had zucchini cake..." I took the teacup in my hands and sipped it gently. It was hot. I didn't like hot liquid very much. I didn't like tea very much either, but it was still pretty good, and I didn't want to be rude. "So... um..." How old are you? Is that rude to ask? I sighed and looked down into the swirling teacup. Alex nodded simply, taking a small piece off the corner of his cake with a fork and guiding it to his lips, then habitually pushing up his glasses. "You don't say very much, do you? Most girls who read don't. I think that's why we read, because storybook characters spend as much time in their heads as we do." The breeze was mild and the sun was polite and there really wasn't much more to ask for in a day. "Maybe..." Honestly, I just read because I liked reading. It seemed stupid, really, but books were never very interesting to me. But reading, as an act, kind of was. And when I had to choose between this or magazines... "So, tell me about... you..." It was really all I could say. It was sure awkward enough to be a date... "I'm Alex. I'm sixteen and I'm a writer." Alex had his share of being called other things, too, but writer worked better than a lot of the other words. "What are you studying? You're at college, right? You're nineteen. What's your major?" And that was Alex - he'd turned a question about himself around so he could continue talking about Hayden. "You realize I don't know your name, don't you?" "Oh, right. Hayden." I thought about it a second, and probably for the first time realized how my name was as much a girl's as it was a boy's. I smiled sheepishly and played with the rim of my teacup. I wanted to take another sip, but it was a warm day. I refrained. "I go to school at Hollie Contemporary Institute, and I'm majoring in Medical Psychology." Hollie had a particularly strange way of going about majors, much different to South Kipton University, which we were just outside the grounds of. "That's a ways away, a few hours." It wasn't summer anymore, so the girl clearly wasn't home for the holidays. Alex sipped his tea and smiled. "Medical Psychology? What an interesting field. My partner thinks I should go to college to write, but what can they teach me in the matters of something so personal? I don't want to learn to write like somebody else. I want to write as I write and have that be enough." He was a little strange, wasn't he? Lanny would have said so. I didn't. I smiled happily and nodded my head, though I had almost no idea what he was talking about. "I wrote a poem in fifth grade, I think. And I like writing essays..." I took another sip of tea anyway and picked up my fork. Here goes nothing... "It tastes delicious - I know you think that's impossible, but vegans tend to find sweetness in places you'd never expect." And Dirt Candy was, after-all, a vegan cafe. Alex himself didn't identify as such, but only because he didn't like the label governing his behavior and associating him with any particular group of people. It probably wasn't any type of real cake, nothing I'd ever call cake, but it wasn't... terrible. I put my fork down and faked a smile at the boy across from me and took another sip of tea. Poor cake, to go uneaten. "My friend was vegetarian once. Her name's Hannah. She gave up after a few months, though." "Hannah sounds like a girl who's still looking for who she wants to be." Alex didn't mind that she didn't like the cake - it wasn't for everybody and at least she'd tried it. That said a lot about the lithe young thing sitting across the table. "I like your style, by the way. It says you've got one foot firmly in childhood and the other cautiously checking how the water of adult life is. Not many girls can pull that off, but you make it work." "Lanny picked it out," I said with a little frown. I hadn't realized I was giving off such an impression, and it was never something I'd do as a boy. I wondered how intentional it all was. She had to have known she was dressing me childishly, and that made my cheeks a little warm in the autumn heat. "Lanny? Girlfriend?" Alex was bold enough to make the suggestion, but that was only because he didn't strictly see sexuality as a thing that needed to be talked about. Hayden was blushing and Alex smiled, sipping at his tea. "Girlfriend...?" I blinked awkwardly up at the boy before catching on to what he was saying. Of course he didn't know! "No! No, no! She's my sister!" But really, he wasn't so far off, after last night. I did my best to smile, but the whole thing had a sense of embarrassment around it. I tried not to show it. "Oh, I'm sorry." Alex stated it only by way of comparison and decided to map out what he knew. "Lanny is your sister, and she picked out your ensemble. You two must be close, then? Do you both go to the same school?" The tea was long-since past and Alex wondered if he was making the girl feel awkward - he was always a little slow to notice cues. "Um, yeah." I smiled a little more warmly and took another sip of the tea. Despite the chill that had taken it over, I was enjoying it more. I hated warm drinks, and this seemed to help. "She's my twin, so we're very close. We do everything together. That's the way we like it, you know?" Alex had a sort of fascination with twins but only in the sense that they tended to share a sort of bond that few other people could. "You're lucky to have somebody so close. My partner has a sister, but I'm an only child. Do you both study medical psychology, too?" A girl came out and stood next to the table, with her hair shaved down to bare skin and two piercings in her eye-brow, a torn tank-top and jeans that might once have been seven pairs patch-worked. That was Mac - she owned the cafe, and despite her appearances, was about the sweetest girl Alex had ever met. "How's everything going kiddos, you two need anything else?" "I'm okay," I said with a smile, lifting my cup of tea and taking another sip. Alex seemed a little put off by my drinking the cold tea but I didn't mind. Alex, as well, shook his head and the girl started to write up our bill. "So you have a girlfriend, then?" But that made our waitress laugh and I looked up in confusion. "I have a partner." Alex smiled and took the bill from Mac, keeping it from the girl across the table. "Francis and I are both genderqueer - we don't identify with binary gender." It was something a lot of people didn't really get, but Alex was used to explaining it. "People grow up thinking you can only have one set of variables to define who you are, the masculine or the feminine and limiting yourself to that is like only buying half a box of Crayola." "Okay..." I had no fucking idea what he just said. But then again, I was a boy who was now living as a girl, wasn't I? I supposed, a part of me really should understand. Landon would have said something about it, but not me, certainly not. "That's nice, I suppose." Francis sounded like a boy name, too. I supposed Alex was gay, then, or some variant. "If you don't understand something and you want to, you should ask questions. If you don't want to, that's fine - you can see me as whichever gender you prefer to." Alex was used to it - most people saw cute, sort've effeminate boy anyway and there was really no way around that as far as people went. He had had high-hopes for Hayden, though; she seemed the open-minded explorative sort. "Oh... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to be rude or anything..." The waitress was still standing around, which I didn't really mind, and I did my best not to feel self-conscious. I didn't succeed. "I'm not really a question asker... I mean, I don't really say what's on my mind a lot, you know. I don't want to say something rude." "You shouldn't be afraid to speak your mind, in words or actions or anything else. As long as nobody gets hurt, there's nothing the matter with that." Mac aptly demonstrating her rule of thumb in action as she took the bill and the cash from Alex and then went back inside. "You know how it's okay for a girl to wear jeans but it's not okay for a boy to wear a skirt? Everybody gets bent out of shape over little things. Being genderqueer is about not really caring about that and just coloring in with whatever color you like. Gender's a spectrum, after all. Understand?" "Not really," I answered honestly, but I supposed there wasn't a whole lot of criticism on my end either. "I mean, I don't mind or anything. I don't get it, not really, but if it makes you happy... and your... partner or whatever, right? Who am I to boss you around you know?" But the words sounded stupider out loud. I put my tea down and tried to smile. "Could we talk about something else? I'm feeling... dumb..." "You're doing really well," Alex smiled reassuringly and slid his hand across the table. "All you need to know is that you can call me however you see me. If you see me as a boy, call me a boy. If you see me as a girl, that's okay too." The boy decided that Hayden was a good person the moment he saw her, but he only just now confirmed it. She was very good at trying. "Okay..." I did my best to smile and ran my finger along the top of the teacup. "I think I'm coming back next week, and the week after... actually, most weekends. My friend Marie kind of puts us up, you know?" And I'm sure Lanny wouldn't hear for a weekend back home... "I'd like to hang out next weekend if that's okay - maybe I could meet your sister, too? If she’s closed-minded about this stuff, we don't have to mention the genderqueer thing. I know it's a lot to take in." Alex was feeling happy, though - he'd made a new friend and that was certainly something. "You can text me during the week too, if you get bored." "She'll be okay with it, I think. And she's a lot more outgoing or whatever, so she'll probably even talk to you about it." The dig at myself hurt my feelings a little bit and I silently scolded myself for the harsh words. How insensitive I could be... "I suppose I should be going, then. Hollie's a long drive..." "It was very nice to meet you, Hayden." Alex stood up and saw the girl to the edge of the iron-work fence, but no further as she began to walk down the street. What a curious one she was. Alex had thought for sure she was gay on first thought, but she'd gotten very defensive over the idea of dating a girl so that was one question very swiftly answered. --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

Fixed!

12.) The realization of everything that happened the night before really hit me the next morning. Lanny wasn't in bed with me and I didn't know what to do. I nearly ran out to find Marie before realizing I was still wearing the diaper. In a hurried state, I changed into the pair of panties I'd worn the day before and slipped on a pair of pajama pants. Why had I let that happen? What was wrong with me?! "Hey you." Marie was reading a magazine on the sofa when Hayden emerged, and Lanny wasn't anywhere to be been. "Your sister went out to get us all breakfast from a drive-thru. You must've been really tuckered out, huh? Sleep well?" She put the magazine down and curled her legs up beneath her so the confused twin could sit down. "Yeah... yeah..." I sat down, my hands already playing with each other. We'd kissed. She'd kissed me, right? And she... the diaper was definitely... I couldn't get my head around it. This was bad. This was very bad. On top of everything, of being a girl, of working through that with Lanny, now I had this... I thought I'd fall apart... "Wanna tell me why you're anxious before your sister gets home?" Marie leaned forward and took the boy’s hands, putting each of them on each of his knees, and placing her hands on top. She really was about the closest thing either of the boys had to a therapist, though Hayden was far more reluctant to talk. "Nothing to say..." God there was so fucking much to say! But what was I supposed to do?! Yeah Marie - my brother rubbed me off through a fucking diaper! I was trembling now - really trembling - and I felt tears on my cheeks. I didn't like this much confusion. I didn't like this much anything. I climbed up from the sofa, determined to head back to my room, but Marie held onto one of my wrists. "Hey. Hey. Seriously. What's up? Without using any names or personal pronouns, tell me what's on your mind." The technique tended to work with Hayden and Hayden alone - somehow depersonalizing things made them easier for him to deal with. But then again, she'd never seen him this worked up. "Please?" I couldn't... but I was falling apart, and Lanny wasn't here, and I... I didn't know what else to do... "A... um... a girl has a secret... and... her sister finds out... and..." She knew this was Lanny and me. It didn't help to depersonalize, not here. She'd know. I tried to pull away again but Marie sat me back down. She was so good at this... "Sisters... are sisters... and..." Tears were already pouring down my cheeks. "Sisters are sisters, and sisters love each other very much." Marie concluded and smiled reassuringly, giving no indication that she knew who the boy was talking about. "What did these sisters do, Hayden? Why don't you tell me, okay? Maybe if you tell me, I can help you work out what you should think about them?" She had to stay calm - she couldn't speculate, or get worked up - that would help nobody. Marie was just too good at this. I wiped my eyes with my shoulders, unable to get my hands back from Marie, and looked down at the sofa where tears had fallen a few minutes prior. "Um... sisters... can't... do not-sisterly things..." The word sister, surprisingly, sounded pretty normal already, even after only two days. "Like... boyfriend/girlfriend things..." Sisters doing... boyfriend-girlfriend things? Non-sisterly things? Had they...? Marie smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "Sometimes when sisters are close, they experiment a little and push the boundaries just to see where they are. But that's okay once or twice. My sister taught me how to kiss, did you know?" It was all she really had to offer; a one-off anecdote that had really made her feel kinda weird at the time anyway - but she had learned to kiss, so there was that. Was that what had happened? Had Lanny kissed her? "Yeah...?" I didn't know if Marie was lying or if she was being sincere, but I was doing my best to believe the latter. "So it's okay... it's okay once or twice..." Once or twice... and it was only once. This was fine. I was fine. Sisters experiment, Marie had said. I knew I shouldn't take her word as gospel, but it was so hard not to when it was this convenient... "Especially sisters when they're young and are just becoming women." Marie had been thirteen, with her sister at fourteen. Hayden and Lanny were older, but they'd only been girls a few days so that was basically the same. "There's a lot of confusing things and sisters help each other figure out what's good and what isn't, and help each other grow." Marie would be giving Lanny a stern talking to, regardless. Hayden was her sister! "Right..." That made so much more sense. I wasn't sure if it was Lanny's thought process too, but she was as new to being a girl as I was, all in all. Sure, we might have each other, but sometimes we're unsure of what that means. She was probably confused. I hadn't thought of that... "You're... um... really smart... about these things..." Somewhere along the way, I'd stopped shaking. The tears were slowing, too. "Comes with the territory," Marie smirked and pulled a few Kleenex out of the box by the side of the sofa. "So, do you think you know how you feel about your sister-friends now?" Depersonalization of worries was effective with Hayden, but Lanny was far too analytical for it to work on her. Marie would need a new tactic for when the older twin got back. "Yeah, I think so..." I smiled up at Marie and kissed her cheek. It was something we'd done since middle school, but since the breakup it had been seldom. I let go of Marie's hands and climbed up from the sofa. "I'm going to shower. Save me some food for when I get out, alright?" I left Marie alone on the couch and went into the bathroom. Shaving my legs wouldn't be so hard, would it? * * * "Did you kiss your sister last night?" Well that was one way to start a conversation. I frowned and set the McDonalds bags down, my cheeks lit up a little as I looked around for Hayden. "I... can neither confirm nor deny." "Lanny. Did you?" "I guess..." "How many times?" "Um... once...but..." "But?" "Well, it went on for a little while." "She's your sister, Lanny. Blood sister. You can't do that stuff, she came out here in tears, all anxious and messed up." "I know, it was a mistake. I just... it felt like... I wanted..." "Did you think about what she wanted?!" "She wanted it, too! She kissed me as much as I kissed her!" "This is so messed up, Lanny..." "Well it won't happen again. Okay? It was just a one time thing and it was... was..." "Gross?" "Wonderful..." I sighed and frowned. "Where is she...?" "Showering." "Her food will go cold..." * * * Admittedly, I felt better after the shower. Marie had helped. Marie always helped. I dried myself off and slipped back into my pajamas. Landon was always okay walking around in a towel, but I thought it was a little tacky. I pat dried my hair and returned to the kitchen, where the solemn tone was clear throughout the room. I sat down and started on my breakfast in silence. Marie was unhappy with me, but she'd get over it. She always did. Well, apart from the whole Hayden breaking up with her bit, but that was okay - she was mostly over that one, too. "What time do you wanna go home, sis?" I was hoping for a late departure - going home meant going back to being Landon and I wasn't really looking forward to that at all. "Whenever you want. I have an essay due tomor-" I froze in place, looking frantically around the room for the clock, which I found on the stove, where it always was. 12:18. "Shit, shit, shit..." I quickly got up from the table, my breakfast only half eaten, and hurried back to Emma's room. "Hey, what's the rush?" I followed my sibling into Emma's room and clicked the door closed quietly. "What happening? You have somewhere to be, little sis?" I frowned a little bit, curious if I'd been left out of the loop. "I have lunch." I said it like it was nothing, having made my way across the room and rummaging through all the clothes that Lanny had gotten me over the past two days. Ugh. Alex saw me as a girl, didn't he? So I had to wear something girly... "Lunch? But you don't know anybody out here..." Of course, then the penny dropped and I grinned like a little fool. "With the boy from the bookstore? It's the boy from the bookstore, isn't it? Oh my favorite days - my sister has a date with a boy. Gosh you move quickly sis." I didn't want her dating a boy... I didn't want her dating anybody! I... no, she could, I mean, I just... I frowned a little but turned it into a smile. "I'll pick you out an outfit. How much time do we have?" "It's not a date. He wanted to get... coffee or something..." Shit, what was the name of that coffee place...? I bit my lip and worked through the piles of clothes until Lanny held up an outfit for me to wear. It was a pink shirt, which I wasn't very fond of, and a pair of light blue jeans. In the end, I thought I looked like a twelve year old much more than nineteen. I wondered if she did this on purpose... "I'm going to pack your purse, you go and ask Marie to do your makeup." My sibling looked at me like there was any room for debate, so I grabbed her by the shoulders and guided her out of Emma's room into the living room and did it myself. "Marie, Hayden has a date with a boy." "Bookstore boy?" "Yup. Do her makeup, please." I closed Emma's door and left my sister and Marie alone in the living room. "And why am I only now hearing about this, missy?" "It's. Not. A. Date." I frowned as Marie pulled me along into her bedroom. She sat me on the vanity stool and I looked into the mirror. I wasn't sure how anyone ever saw a girl when they looked at me... "He just wants coffee or something. I mean, I owe him or whatever for the book, anyway. Plus, I like girls." "Well, you know even if you decide you like boys too, you know that's okay right?" Marie was pulling out all the stops today and she started by gently wiping down the boys face with a cloth and then got out a little tube of primer. She knew it was over the top, a little, but she was determined to make Hayden into a princess for her first date. "Thanks Marie, but I'm pretty sure I know if I like guys or not." "You should work on your voice too." Right. I'd forgotten amidst the oddities of last night... "Anyway, I don't. Alex is just a friend, and I'm a guy anyway. If he finds that out, he won't be interested." I wasn't sure why that hurt as badly as it did. I looked away from the boy in the mirror. "And what makes you so sure of that?" There was a more pressing issue, though, one that Marie decided to bring up as she worked on the boy’s moisturizer and foundation. "You're not a boy anymore, and you can't label yourself as such. It's destructive for you and especially for your sister. You're a girl. If you need to differentiate, you say "I was born a boy". But you're not a boy anymore." "I'm only a girl here anyway. Even if Lanny and I are girls now, it's still only around you. We can't be these people back home - we have lives. I have school and clubs and friends, and so does Landon. It's just not smart." I sat in the awkward silence while Marie finished up my makeup and started on my hair. "Be that as it may, you need to think about you going back home and pretending to be a boy, not coming here and pretending to be a girl. This level of acceptance is going to be the difference between Lanny blossoming and her withering. Which do you prefer?" Marie was working a slippery liquid from the palms of her hands through Hayden’s hair as she spoke. "I don't see why I can't just 'be' both and 'pretend' to be neither..." It was a little childish that I thought of things so abstractly, and it was something Marie knew very well about me. I was a very abstract person, and Landon was very concrete. For twins, we had so many differences. "Because you're a beautiful person and you want your sister to be as happy as she can be, and you know how absolute she thinks about things. You think she's going to be bubbly and peppy once she gets home? She's going to be miserable, and it's something you can do to help her be happy. Remind her that you're both girls, no matter what." Marie stood back from her work and let the twin finally look in the mirror. I looked better. I still didn't see much of a girl, but I could, at the very least, see how someone else might. But it was already ten till, and I suspected I would be late with traffic out of the college. "You'll drive me, right?" Marie nodded, and just as I was getting my shoes on, Lanny handed me a bag that fit on over my shoulder. "There's everything you might need in your purse." I was brimming happily in encouragement, but declined the offer to come along as Marie and my sibling went out the door. --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!

Idol.. For real though - writing is a hobby. Even though I do somehow get financial support from it o_o (thanks to the patrons!) And I often overburden myself with obligations like "post a chapter every day!" I've been trying to step away from some of that and just do what I wanna do. Plus, like you said, all our stuff is free (eventually). So people can wait! That's not rude of me! (Right??)

11.) With the bedroom door closed, and Marie gone, I looked at my brother while he looked at his hands. He was so cute dressed the way he was, but I was going to make him even cuter - by his aesthetic standards, anyway. Coyly, I crawled up on top of him, straddling his lap, and put my hand on his cheek so I could look into his eyes. "Is that any way for a little baby girl to be dressed for bed?" I knew a bit of heat filled the space between Lanny's hand and mine. I bit my lip and took a deep breath. But before I could argue, Lanny slipped her finger between my lips, just like last time. I tried to turn my head and spit it out. "If you don't want my finger, I'll get your pacifier instead, the pink one - because you're my little sister, and pink is for girls. Girls like you, who need their big sister to put them in a diaper... would you like that?" Words were such powerful things - why hadn't I discovered this sooner? I felt my cheeks burn, and I lost my breathe. Instinctively, much to my distain, I started to suck on his finger and my headspace slipped even further. This wasn't happening... "Wanny... pwease..." Talking around his finger seemed to force the childish dialect, but the tone was all mine. Slipping... "I'm going to put you in a diaper, and one of my nightgowns, and get your pacifier. Unless you'd rather cuddle up and sleep while sucking on my finger...? Is that what you'd prefer? I know little girls like to suck on things..." Wow, my headspace slipped a little there and I felt myself blushing. I sucked a little harder on Lanny's finger and my head was swimming. Lanny slowly lowered me to the bed until my back was against the mattress. I felt so calm, despite the circumstances, like I was on drugs or something... "Lan..." "Baby talk only, okay? I like the way you sound when you're sucking on my finger." I took my finger out of her mouth in order to start undressing my twin, but I could just as easily replace it if she decided to be a bother about it. She was so cute, so pretty, laying there on the bed, vulnerable and soft and... gosh. "You're so pretty, Hayden. Such a pretty little girl." It took until my sister had my shirt off before I'd even thought to speak, like it was some forbidden or something like that. I bit hard on my lip and tried to sit up, only making it to my elbows. I was wearing nothing but the skirt now, the leggings gone as well. Lanny was rummaging through my bag. "This is silly, Landon..." I still used his boy name when I was trying to be serious, like Lanny was a joke name or something. There were a lot of feelings in my head in that moment, being called Landon was very sharp, and having her disobey my instruction bothered me too. I didn't much know what to do, and that's why when I slapped her cheek it was a surprise to me as well as to her. "My name is Lanny. And you don't say L's very well, so it's Wanny right now. Understand, missy?" I was quite angry, more than I realized. I opened my mouth to argue, but the slap still resonated on my cheek. I wasn't sure I could talk at all. I bit at my bottom lip and dropped my gaze to the bedsheets, my heart racing in my chest. She was right though. I shouldn't call her Landon... "I... I'm sorry..." "Sowwy." I corrected my sibling before unfastening her skirt and removing it, leaving her only in the pretty pastel panties I'd coaxed her into wearing this morning. Just like when I'd diapered her last time, she was very aroused. "Now, Hayden, sweet girl, I'm going to take your pretty panties off and put you in one of your even prettier diapers, because you're a wil' giwl and that's what you need, isn't it?" I tried to think of something to say, some comeback, some way to say no, to stop her, and... and I just... I couldn't. So I nodded my head. Gosh, why did I nod my head? Lanny pushed me back down to the bed, naked now except for... nope, naked now. I instantly felt the shyness over my body and covered myself up with my hands best I could. "Lanny... this is—" But the slap that came down on my thigh was aggressive and I instantly shut my mouth. Sometimes children need discipline, right? And I didn't like to hit my sister, but the playful smacks on her thighs certainly got results. "One more step out of line little sissy and I'll put you over my knee and spank you." I unfolded the diaper, feeling more confident than the last time, and laid it out. "Lift your bottom." She wouldn't actually spank me, would she...? But then again, I never thought she would diaper me either. I felt the embarrassment touch my cheeks and lifted my bottom cooperatively. What was I thinking... why was I doing this... Lanny taped the diaper on a lot better than the day before and I looked down with a bit of awe. I'd put them on myself for quite some time, but she was already as good as me... Once the diaper was in place, I balled up the night-gown like Mom used to do when putting t-shirts on us as kids, and slipped it over her head. The peach colored garment wasn't exactly childish per se, but the ruffled bottom hem certainly wasn't the most adult thing in the world either. It didn't quite cover her diaper and I didn't expect it would even once she was standing. "Go over there and look in the mirror, cutie." I motioned to the closet door with the floor to ceiling mirror. "I want you to see how cute you are." I didn't really want to. I already felt so foolish in all this, but it didn't seem like my brother was taking no for an answer. I climbed up from the bed and went over to Emma's mirror on the back side of her door. And there I stood. The night gown may as well have been a top, and I wasn't so sure it wasn't. Did it come with pants, too? I didn't look very grown up, but I didn't look like a kid, either. Maybe that's what gave me the courage to turn to my sister with a frown. "I'm not a baby, and I don't like it. Okay?" "Excuse me?" In a moment after that statement I'd pinned my twin to the mirror, my hand pressed to the front of her diaper and the sound of the crinkling almost deafening in the little space. "I think you are, little sissy. I think you are a lil' baby girl, and big sister is always right." She was so hard inside her diaper; I could feel it, and it was almost intoxicating to know the level of power I had over her. "Do I need to spank you?" I didn't know what happened. This wasn't my Landon... this was... different... I could barely keep standing, his hand holding me against the mirror and the other gently crinkling the front of my diaper, right where the erection was hidden. I didn't want to be turned on by this, but it was so difficult to help... "I... Lan... Lanny... I'm..." "Wanny. Wanny I am your wil' babee giwl. Go on." I knew it would sound immeasurably cuter in his voice too, and with my hand pressed against the front of his diaper, rubbing ever so softly that it could be mistaken as unintentional, I slipped my finger back between his lips and smiled expectantly. "I..." I tried to push him off me, but he held me tight against the mirror. My fingers were trembling. My knees felt so weak. This wasn't happening... it definitely wasn't. I was dreaming, or something... "I'm... your... wil' baby giwl..." "Yes you are... my pwetty wil' babee giwl, that's right..." We were so close to one another now, hearts beating together, the social stigma of boys being close thrown out the window and his erection pressing through the layers of cotton against my hand. I spun him around and all but tossed him on the bed. I climbed atop my sister, hand returning to the front of his diaper and my other one cupped his cheek and looked into his oh-so-pretty eyes. "You're mine. Say it, sweetie. Tell me you're my little sister." "Lan..." But with a harsh pinch to my thigh, my voice was abruptly cut off. He couldn't be serious... but my toes were tingling and his hand on my cheek made me feel so comfortable, and the way his fingers touched the front of my diaper was... well, it was very wrong, but... "Wanny... I'm... your wil' sister..." I shouldn't have done it, I knew I shouldn't have, but I started to rub his diaper softly in response to his answer. My finger slipped back into his lips as I did and I smiled down at my twin. "Such a good girl, so well behaved, so pretty, so little and perfect. The perfect little sister, that's what you are..." I'd figured out that the word 'little' seemed very potent early on by gauging the color of his cheeks, and I used that fact. I was in trouble. My thoughts had slipped completely, and even my brother rubbing the front of my diaper had added to it. I was such a vibrant mixture of turned on and completely docile. I sucked passionately on his finger while he played with the crinkling of my new underwear. I tried to hate it, but I really couldn't... The fact that I was sexually pleasuring my brother nagged away at the edge of my consciousness, but for now I was so easily able to ignore it. I continued to rub his diaper while he sucked my finger and I cooed softly. "I always wanted a baby sister. I just never dreamed that she'd be as pretty as you. I'm going to make you my little girl every single night, going to make it so you can't sleep unless you're diapered and cuddling with your big sis..." It was mostly talk, but I could feel the reaction it was having inside Hayden's diaper, could see the way he continued to squirm as I spoke. It was becoming a problem. I was really turned on, and this wasn't a game to Lanny. She wasn't going to stop. But none of that registered in the moment. All I could think about was cuddling up to my sister in a diaper every night for the rest of my life, the way I felt right now, and I sucked harder on her finger. "Would you like that? Would you like to be my little diaper princess every night from now on? We'll get you all sorts of pretty clothes to wear to bed. Footed pajamas and onesies and pretty pretty dresses and nightgowns... and I'll feed you a bottle and you can go to sleep in my arms..." Hayden was squirming wonderfully now, his eyes glossy and his sucking getting harder and harder. This was wrong, I knew it was wrong. But how could I stop now? The two were never intrinsically tied. I always found diapers and things a little arousing, a little special... but the childishness associated was never a turn on. And now, with my brother running his fingers along the front of my diaper, I couldn't think of it as anything but. And he wouldn't stop, no matter how hard I sucked on his finger, and for the first time in my life, another human being gave me an orgasm. I sucked hard on his finger while my body shook, filling the front of the diaper with warm cum, and it was so much better than ever doing it myself. I wasn't sure when it was that my lips locked on Hayden’s - whether it was before, during, or after his orgasm - but I did know we were kissing. Soft little kisses, reciprocated by each of us, teasing little pulls on one-another lips that seemed to last forever and ever even as his body trembling beneath the lingering waves of the passing climax. His lips were soft and glossy like mine and it was so incredibly serene - I never wanted to kiss anybody else again. Lanny and I kissed until I finally settled down, and then Lanny pulled the blanket over my body faster than I could think to do anything at all. He wrapped it around me and kissed my forehead, and before I could even think about asking him what had happened, I was already asleep. I'd given my brother an orgasm. I’d kissed him, and kept kissing him. Now he was asleep in his cummy diaper and dressed like a girl. My head was swimming. It was wrong. I'd done something wrong. But we both wanted it, so how could it be wrong? It didn't hurt anybody, and I'd never seen Hayden quite so serene. I could still taste him on my lips, the faint taste of cinnamon lip-gloss and the bubblegum tooth-paste he used. The heat of his touch. The way he quivered when he came and the muffled little noises as he sucked my finger. I still had his teeth marks there, cute little indentations. We'd crossed a line that twin boys should never even look at… but we were girls now, right? Maybe it was okay for girls. Nonetheless, I was awake a long while after my brother. --------------- Thank you for reading! Like, Comment, and check us out on Patreon!