r_cho

I hope I spelled it right (flatulence?). Im 20 years old, im slightly overweight and not in good shape at all, which I'm gonna take a look into. Now, for the pase 2-3 years, I havent even thought about it until I read something and it wasnt till a few months back that something was itching in the back of my mind, now sometimes when im walking or sitting doing any old thing, I just pass gass, sometimes I cant help it and really struggle to stop it, and when I bend down I usualy have little to no control unless I "plan" bending over fast. What I do now is I just dont bend my back i just bend my legs and keep my back straight to pick something up, I never tie my shoes with my back turned to anyone because I know I'll prolly pass gas. Charming eh? Is this normal, am I just threatin over nothing? Is it something Im eating or quite simply down to me being overweight? You hear jokes about old people when they bend over, they pass gas, presumingly because their muscles arent what they used to be, so Im not sure if its me or what. I have not came to the point where I havent been able to control it, just happening an awful lot, and its ambarrsing needless say the least. Any thoughts?

I cant start the sentence it seems, I have rewritten, reworded it for about 2 hours, so Im just gonna skip the intro. There its done! Now Im lost, confused and filled with hate and regret. Heres why; Lost - Ever since I got caught and head that dreaded conversation with my mother (shes the one who found me about 4 month ago, I posted when it happened), I keep rerunning the questions she asked in my head and I'm filled with resentment that I got caught and got so sloppy to get into that conversation. She asked me; "did someone touch you?" - This really annoyed me, I was so flung with emotion at the time I got caught I just broke down, keep in mind im 20 and a guy. No-One has ever touched me and I always thank life for never being in that situation, by why does it bother me so badly? "Does it have anything to do with kids, because...." I think it was at that moment I broke down. This is my mother asking me if I have a sexual attraction to children, because I wore, why do people make that link? It felt like the trust I had built up and respect from my own mother was for nothing, Im not like that but I feel less than shit, even right now. "Do you wanna go see someone?" I told her I would Im willing and then a few days later when the air cleared, she was like "I dont think you need to see someone", but I could see in her eyes the same look when she painstakingly interregated me about it, it wasnt as if she asked me harshly it was the way you talk to a five year old. I do need help though, I need to talk to someone, but I dont know where to start. Confused - I enjoy wearing, I enjoy the feeling, but afterwords like alot of you said you feel, you just feel stupid and guility. I go through phases where I get some then dont for months then that feeling kicks in and I really want to get some more, but I cant get caught again. I've been caught twice already, the second time I just didnt care. Im not proud of this at all, at first I thought it was ignorence to not allow for people to express themselves and I would like to consider my self an intelligent person but this is wrong, I'm not comfortable after, Im torn up. Hate - I hate the fact every day I cant get some without being secretive, I cant do it in peace without the thoughts going through my head of being caught, I hate the feeling but really love it to. I hate myself for feeling this way and everyday I just feel so angry. I laugh with friends and at work but deep down I feel as black as the dark recesses of space. Regret - I regret everything I've said or done to upset anyone and for all the stupid things I've done. I regret the fact I cant get up in the morning and look in the mirror and think to myself, your doing right, march onwards. The Answer and Conclusion to all this There isn't. I dont think I can ever change the way I feel or my attidude, I can only vent my thoughts and theres not many places to say this type thing, but I need help, I dont know where to start. I certainly dont feel like going into a doctors office and saying "Hey! I would like some psycharitic help please...Ok take a ticket? Right!" I just don't know.

I have my step dad, and he doesnt know. Its best that way, hes a great guy , yet old fashioned. By the book and all that, for him to find out would be devastating more so, my mother is more open minded then i thought. My brothers daughter doesnt live here at all, just comes to visit, she was speaking respect for the future. I wish it was that easy to move out =/

Well, here main concern was for my Neice whos 8 months old "when she gets older" , children are nosey etc was her argument and might see. But im like, well i wont be here anyway so. Today I was pretty cool about it and couldnt care more less. My brother, my neices dad, is also very nosey and pokes about, her actual concer was "what if he saw?" you know. I dont want to discuss her, I asked her is there anything she wants to say, say it now and then otherwise forget it, totally forget it and never bring it up, and I do clean my own room. She felt compulsed to clean it apparntly, an excuse to snoop it seemed. Cant get privacy from her, but I'll do what i said and remove the packets under my bed, take them out and hide the daipers under my clothes in my drawer, where they are now, no one, not even my nosey brother will look. Thanks

Thanks for the responses. I live in the UK, and its not cheap to move out

2 months ago I was caught by mother, it was emotional and very hard to talk to, but I did it. I swore never again in the house anyway. Im 20 years old. On Wednesday, I played it very sneakily and planned everything in advance, I had the fever again. You know when you just cant stop? And you MUST have some, like an addiction, I ordeded some diapers. Just ordering them, sent the adrenline running and I was in bliss, I made sure no one was going to be home by proding very sneaky questions, I even told my parents I was on a training course at work and had to be there early and finished early, to explain why I was at home, as I have like no trust with my mother at the moment. I ordered some Abri Form X. They are the best diapers I have ever worn, they are think and big,and really make you feel euphoric, every you can want in a diaper. I had it, it was done. Last night, I had a few beers and put one on and went to bed, waking up only 7 hours later for work, I wasnt thinking, I folded the diaper up and put it under my bed, under a cussion that lays there. Today, to my horror as I drove onto the drive way, I could see my blinds in my bedroom on the first floor were half open, I left them shut. This means someones been in my room cleaning. I prayed on the spot "please please please". Opening the door to my house, the atmosphere lost its radiance, the doors to the kitchen and living area were closed. Usualy when I return home they are open, steam and the sweet scent of cooked food flows into the hallway and the living area is lively from the daily chat shows booming on the 42 inch widescreen plasma they have. Not today. Today there was no TV, the kitchen door was closed, I popped my head in to see my step dad, obviously clueless to the situation, I ask "Where is mam?" The chilling fatal response he gives is "cleaning your room I think." Shit. I sheepishly go up my spiral like stair, and approach my room, with the door wide open, no sheets on the bed, my mother standing waiting for me to step in. I woke in with my head day and she basically said; "So....I thought you stopped?" The conversation that flown through wasnt as uncomfortable as the first encounter and I wasnt very concerned or bothered, I promised I would get rid of them the next day "they would be gone". Her voice was quiet and intent with huge ammounts of disapointment, she said she has no trust in me, and cant trust me. "What am I going to do with you?" Standing there, expecting an answer. "What am I going to do with you..." Her looks sadened and I cant stop feeling lack of care, I dont know why, I just couldnt care, she seemed less bothered this time but still concerned, as if shes given up and cant be bothered with me. Understandble. I feel so gutted I was so careless, she even said it was careless; "your getting careless, what if your brother found that? you know he takes no prisoners" (my brother was in the paratrooper elite squad and has done 3 6 month services in Iraq and Afganistan) I have a hiding spot in my draw, i cleaned the bottom one out of clothes and unpacked a packet into them, and laid clothes on top to hide them, never going under my bed again. What bullshit.

I say ignore what everyone else thinks and do what you belive to be right and comfortable for you