[Saving Grace: CH 13 (5/17/24)]

8 hours ago, Craisler said:

I found a couple more items.  Sorry, I used to do a lot of technical editing when I was working.

I do really enjoy your writing.  I think you capture the human feelings and reactions of your characters well.

I do not mind at all. I am actually grateful.  At some point after I finish writing this story and it has time to marinate, I plan on re-editing the whole story and reposting it.

Thank you.  I based all my characters off of people or multiple people IRL, all of the reactions are either real-life reactions that I have seen or how I think they would react based off their personalities.

1 hour ago, zzzz50 said:

Another excellent chapter. It will be interesting to see how Will handles his sexuality. If he was attracted to females before will that stay consistent? Will the adult brain still have a libido or will the lack of hormones in the toddler body eliminate any thought of sexuality? It will be interesting how this all develops.

Thank you,  I have a funny scene planned where Will tries to figure that out.

1 hour ago, kerry said:

I'm finding the way you work on explaining the inexplicable interesting. Honestly, though I'm sure the science could never work out, I think you've done a great job making this almost make sense...which I never would have thought possible at the start. Nice work!  

I too am wondering how Will is going to make this change work...and when he is going to realize that she will probably need a new name as well as a new body...

Thanks, I always loved AR virus stories, but the nerd in me always wanted at least a somewhat plausible explanation on how it works.  Yeah, as far as I know, nothing even remotely like this could happen.  I once spent a whole evening researching if it was possible to shrink either through illness or medication and after 5 hours came to the conclusion that other than losing a few inches as we age, it is impossible.

Answers to that question will come soon.

[Saving Grace: CH 13 (5/17/24)]

2 hours ago, D503 said:

Awesome chapter. I'm surprised there isn't more specialists wanting to prod and poke him. I guess it's the Mayo Clinic, so they're being discreet and managing the science internally. Lucky it hasn't leaked to the media yet I guess.

Thanks,  I wrote this where the majority of the poking and prodding happened while he was in a coma.  I picked ASU because it is close to the Mayo Clinic and usually the Mayo Clinic is where you end up if other doctors and hospitals cannot figure out what is going on.  You will have to wait and see how the media plays into this.

1 hour ago, Craisler said:

 

 

Thanks,  I discovered that there was this whole sub-genre of ABDL fiction about 3 years ago and went on a reading binge on any story I could get my hands on.  I found in some stories where the MC is supposed to be vanilla, that their reaction does not seem like someone who is vanilla in that type of situation. 

Thanks, I will make the corrections.

13 minutes ago, Kaiko-chan said:

I hope he feels better after his pride. He's been holding a lot inside and being able to release it like that, has some catharsis. 

Yes, I agree.  He needed to vent his anger and cry everything out of his system.  He will get some help soon, but it may leave him with more questions than answers.

[Lights! Camera! ...What?!? - Chapter 113 - 5/17/24]

I wasn't expect the claws.  I think they are from Elli's Eye Opening Adventure and they are called the Talons because of there love of knives and they cut out one of her eyes.

On 5/13/2024 at 8:30 PM, BabySofia said:

Maybe I can be talked into a bonus on its second birthday party...? We'll see! 

 

Well, a bouse chapter would make a great early birthday present (May 22nd) from one of my favorite abdl authors. No pressure though, I understand your very busy irl, just wanted to toss my hat into the ring.

[Saving Grace: CH 13 (5/17/24)]

On 5/14/2024 at 6:04 PM, Craisler said:

I hate to imagine what you did and how that will play out in the story.  As I've said before, I definitely look forward to each new increment in the story.

Nothing too bad, just incredibly stupid. I now think back and find it pretty funny.

On 5/14/2024 at 7:10 PM, zzzz50 said:

My Brother in-law claimed he knew a kid that shot his own eye out with a BB gun, hit a cement block wall and came directly back into his eye. It sounds like the BB gun accidents were common than I thought, probably why my Mom said no BB guns!

Apparently, eye injuries are fairly common.  When I was going for a post-op follow-up appointment, there was an older kid there because of a paintball accident.  That is probably why everyone in the movie A Christmas Story told Ralphie he was going to shoot his eye out.

Chapter 13

I woke up to my mom rubbing my back.  I rolled onto my back and looked up at my mom.  My mom said, “Good morning Will, the nurse will be here in a little bit to start your morning feeding and weigh and measure you.  I want to change you before she gets here.”

My first thought was why do I need to be changed, then as I was fully waking up, I could tell that my diaper was swollen and it was pushing my legs apart.  With a shocked look on my face, I said, “I didn’t realize that I wet myself.”

I could see my mom’s facial expression soften, and then she said, “It's OK, sweetheart.  You have the body of a two-and-a-half to three-year-old.  You will probably wet the bed every night like you did before at that age.”

I just nodded my head and thought about how I hadn’t wet the bed since I was six.  My mom pulled the covers back, then picked me up and repositioned me on the bed to make it easier to change me.  I could then see my dad come into view over me and he handed my mom a diaper and wipes.  He looked down at me and with a smile said, “Good morning, Will.”

I simply replied, “Morning.”

My mom pushed my gown up to my chest, then I could hear her ripping the tapes open.  She started wiping the front of me and it still felt weird, but at least I was mentally prepared for the difference.  She lifted my lower half by my ankles, then wiped my bottom.  I then felt myself being lowered onto a new diaper.  She quickly taped the diaper up and balled up the old one with the used wipes inside.  My gown was pulled back down, I was moved back to laying with my head on the pillow, and the covers were pulled back up.  While holding my dirty diaper in one hand my mom started raising the bed and said, “I want you to try and stay upright a little more today if you can.”

I just nodded my head as I was raised to an almost sitting position but the bed was supporting most of my weight.  My mom had to grab the pillow to keep it from falling and I watched as she walked over to throw the used diaper away.  I turned my attention to the TV and could see that my dad was watching the news.  I started to pay close attention to see what I missed when I was in a coma, but it looked like they were talking about the same things as always, just the details were different. 

About 30 minutes into watching the news, I see Abby walk in pushing a cart.  As she was hanging a feeding bag, she looked down at me and with a smile, said, “Good morning, Will, how are you feeling today?”

I said, “OK.”

As she was connecting my feeding tube to the bag and giving me a syringe of nausea medicine, all I could think about was why was everyone so overly cheerful and smiling at me.  I couldn’t decide if it was because of my reaction to everything and they were trying to make me feel better, or was it because I looked like a small child and they were having a disconnect between the toddler that they saw and the adult that they know I am.  As much as it pained me to admit it, when I saw myself last night in the mirror being held by my mom, all I could see looking back at me was a cute toddler.

My thoughts were interrupted by Abby saying, “Will, I’m going to weigh and measure you.”

I just nodded my head and was thinking how she was going to do it.  My question was answered when she picked me up out of bed with one hand supporting my upper back, the other supporting my diapered bottom, and laid me down on a baby scale that was sitting on top of the cart.  I did my best to not blush at the infantile method that Abby had to use on me.  She pushed my feet up against the end of the scale to where my feet were flat.  I could then feel a thin, flat piece of metal touch the top of my head that was slid into place.  She then said, “Twenty-seven pounds and five ounces, and thirty-six and three-quarters inches.”

She then picked me back up and sat me back down in bed.  She stated, “I will be back in a little bit to flush your feeding tube, do you need anything?”

I just shook my head no and she walked out pushing the cart.  I started watching the TV again, but within 20 minutes I felt the intense need to poop and pee.  I turned to my parents and said, “I have to go to the bathroom.”

My mom got up and took a seat on my bed and said, “Will, I know I haven’t told you yet, since all the times before were accidents, but until you get better you’re just going to have to go in your diaper.  I will change you whenever you need it and if it is just pee, you should still feel dry since those are nighttime diapers you are wearing.”

My eyes got as large as saucers at the thought of pooping myself on purpose.  Moments later, the decision was made for me as my body began to push out wave after wave of semi-solid poop into the back of my diaper.  My bladder released too, and the front of my diaper began to warm as I peed myself.  I grimaced as I could feel the poop work its way up the front of my diaper and cover my privates.  A minute later, my mom asked, “Are you done going?”

All I could do was nod yes and hang my head in shame.  She gently picked me up and laid me down.  Once my gown was out of the way, she untapped my diaper, and when the front was lowered down, I almost wanted to gag at the smell.  She made quick work and used an ungodly amount of wipes to clean me up.  I was quickly taped up into a clean diaper and placed back into a sitting position in bed and my foul diaper was thrown away. 

She then walked back over, caressed my cheek with her hand, and kissed me on the forehead.  She looked me in the eyes and said, “I know this is hard on you, but you have nothing to be embarrassed about.  Once you get better, we can work on trying to re-potty train you. OK.”

I looked down at my lap and in a quiet voice, I said, “OK.”

She gave me another kiss on the forehead and took a seat in the recliner beside me.  I cringed at the thought of potty training.  All I could do was picture myself sitting on a plastic potty with a pull-up around my ankles and my parents praising me for making it to the “potty” in time as any normal toddler could do.  But I’m not a toddler, I’m supposed to be an adult, and not just an adult, but an adult male, not a toddler girl.  Would I need to wear girl pull-ups?  Before I could go any deeper down the rabbit hole of potty training, I saw Abby and Dr. Cameron walk in.

Dr. Cameron greeted, “Good Morning, Will, how are you feeling?”

As Abby was flushing my feeding tube, I said, “I’m OK.”

“That’s good to hear, I am going to give you a test in a little bit to see how your brain is doing.  I see that you are sitting up, have you tried sitting up unassisted yet?” she asked.

My mom quickly butted in and said, “He was able to sit up by himself yesterday for a little bit.”

With a smile, Dr. Cameron said, “That’s wonderful news, one thing I would like for you to do a few times a day is to sit up on your own for as long as you can to help build up your core strength.  Can you give it a try for me?”

I nodded yes as I saw Abby walking back out of the room.  Dr. Cameron sat beside me on the bed and after setting down the tablet in her hand, she helped me up to a full upright position.  With one hand in front of my chest to keep me from toppling over, she let go of me.  I was surprised that it was easier than yesterday, but I still felt like I was giving the same effort as trying to do a plank.  At about 5 minutes into it, my core muscles were starting to quiver again, and after another couple of minutes straining with all my might, I fell forward into Dr. Cameron’s hand.  She gently pushed me back to where the bed was supporting me and in a cheery voice said, “Good job Will, that was fantastic.”

Out of breath, I just nodded.  After a few deep breaths, I saw Dr. Cameron grab her tablet, and then asked, “Are you ready to take a test?”

After a brief pause, I asked, “Could you explain to me how all this happened?  I know Dr. Taub did, but I zoned out during most of it then freaked out.”

She said, “Certainly, Will.”

I could see her scrolling on her tablet then she said, “Alright, the genes that we determined that were mutated were your 3p26, 6q25, 7q36, 9p1, 9q34, 12p11, 12q, 13q32, Xq24-25, and SRY.”

“How did I get all these gene mutations?” I asked.

“We think it happens when your cells undergo mitosis, this is when your cells divide to replace old ones.   There is an important process during the interphase when all your DNA is being replicated.  This is called the G1-S checkpoint.  This checkpoint checks for any problems in your DNA and stops the cell from dividing if there is a problem.  In your case, it did not catch the mutated genes and allowed for the cell to divide.  Over time, more and more of the cells in your body had this mutation from being replaced.  At some point, enough of your cells carried these genes to where you started to show physical symptoms and changes to your body,” she said.

I asked, “Will I get more mutations and why now?”

“It seems like your G1-S checkpoint only allows your mutated gene to undergo cell division.  We took some cell samples and grew cultures in a lab, then caused mutations in the cells using UV light and it seems that we could only get the control sample to undergo mitosis.  As far as why now,  It looks like you were born with the issue with your G1-S checkpoint.  It was only a matter of time before the mutations took effect.  A good analogy would be that people who do not die of other causes will get cancer at some point if they live long enough due to DNA damage from the environment.  Does that make sense to you?” she asked.

I nodded my head, but then asked, “How do all these mutations cause me to go from an adult guy to basically a toddler girl?”

She said, “It looks like the mutations trigger an autoimmune response.  Your body started to pretty much eat itself and attacked your bones and tissue.  Your body also seemed to try and reject any food or water during this process and treated it like food poisoning. That is why you are not able to keep anything down right now.  It uses your tissue and bone cells as substances to sustain you and expel the rest.  As you physically got younger, your limb proportions changed, you stopped producing hormones which caused all your body hair to fall out, and you converted cells into fat cells around your abdomen and in your cheek on your face.  You also had a build-up of more collagen throughout your body that we normally lose as we age.”

Taking in a deep breath, she said, “The changes to your reproductive system were unexpected.  We noticed that your testicles ascended into your lower abdomen at first.  Then your scrotum, followed by your penis.  As your penis was ascending into your lower abdomen and pelvic region, your urethra moved upwards as a vaginal opening formed.  Through imaging, we were able to see that the tissue from your scrotum formed your uterus and fallopian tubes, and the tissue from your penis formed your vagina.  From samples, we were able to see that the cells from your penis and scrotum were being converted into stem cells to then be converted to the cells needed to form the tissue for your vagina and uterus.  We were also able to see that your testicles degenerated into scar tissue.  Does all this make sense to you?”

Thinking for a second, I responded, “I understand what you are saying, but I don’t think it will ever make sense.”

With a slight smile, Dr. Cameron said, “That is understandable, you are the first known case of anything like this happening.  Do you have any other questions?”

Thinking back to anatomy class, I asked, “Do I still have my prostate?”

She responded, “You do still have your prostate, but it is now underdeveloped.  That is one of the big differences between your case and someone born with Swyer Syndrome.  Are you ready to take a test on my tablet?”

After being so engrossed in what Dr. Cameron was saying I didn’t notice at first that my joints were starting to ache again.  I asked, “Could I get some pain medicine? My joints are starting to hurt.”

She said, “Certainly, I will be right back.”

Dr. Cameron walked out of the room and was back moments later with a syringe in hand.  She said, “Will, I don’t want you to get too sleepy during this test, but I also don’t want you to be in pain either.  Is it alright if I just give you a partial dose, then the rest afterward?”

I said, “Sure.”

She then pushed about a third of the syringe into my I.V.  I could tell that my aching joints were feeling better, but I also wasn’t feeling sleepy.  Dr. Cameron moved the teddy bear that was beside me to the other side and then took a seat in its place.  With the major height difference, she was able to have one arm reach over me and hold the tablet in front of me.  She asked, “Have you ever taken an I.Q. test before?”

I simply said, “No.”

“Well, it is pretty simple, the test is timed for thirty minutes, and you just need to answer as many questions as you can,” she stated.

I said, “OK.”

She pressed an icon on the screen, then the test started with a timer in the upper left-hand corner.  I then started answering different questions about patterns, finishing the sequence of numbers, and word association.  They seemed to get harder the further along in the test I got.  With 12 minutes left in the test, I felt the need to pee build up quickly.  Thinking about what my mom said, I started to wet myself with very little effort on my part.  The warming sensation in my diaper caused me to pause for a moment. 

Dr. Cameron, seeing me stop, asked, “Is everything alright?”

Not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to tell the whole truth, I said, “Uh, I think I just wet myself.”

“That is OK, can you wait until the test is over for a change?” she asked.

I just nodded and began to answer questions again.  As the test was drawing to a close, it seemed like I was having to do mental gymnastics to answer the questions.  When the timer landed on zero, the test stopped and a new screen popped up with a loading bar and the caption calculating results.  Moments later the number 132 popped up in block letters.

Dr. Cameron said, “Wow, you are one smart cookie, your score makes sense since you are in grad school for math. I bet you could have scored higher if you didn’t just wake up from a coma and were feeling a hundred percent.”

I could then hear my dad speak up, “Yeah, he was a real smart ass when he was a teenager.”

I then saw my mom smack my dad on the shoulder, and I responded, “It's better than being a dumbass,” as I shot him the bird. Looking back at Dr. Cameron, I said, “Maybe, why did I need to take an I.Q. test?”

Pausing for a moment with wide eyes at my family’s banter, she caught herself and said, “Since you were in a coma, any MRI of your brain wouldn’t have been very helpful in seeing if this physical regression affected your intelligence.  Now that you are awake, an I.Q. test is the simplest way to tell.”

I asked, “Why wasn’t it affected if my brain is so much smaller?”

“Intelligence has more to do with the number of synaptic connections in the brain.  Males and females have the same average I.Q. of 100, even though males on average have slightly larger brains.  The number of connections in the brain are more important than the overall size,” she stated. 

I nodded, then she said, “I’m going to give you the rest of your pain medicine and let you get some rest.”

I responded, “OK.”

After injecting me with the rest of the pain medicine, she said, “Someone from the team will come by tomorrow during rounds, you all have a great rest of your day.”

My mom responded, “Thank you, Dr. Cameron.”

My mom got up and moved the teddy bear back to the other side of me and said, “I'm going to lower your bed back down so that you are comfortable if the medicine makes you sleepy.”

I nodded my head and she lowered the bed and placed the pillow back under my head.  After tucking me in, she kissed me on the forehead.  As I was lying in bed contemplating the results from the I.Q. test all I could think about was what has my life become.  What’s the point of being smart if I won't be able to finish school?  I don’t need to be told that it is highly unlikely I will be returning to ASU this coming fall.  How would I even teach, it's not like I can reach the chalkboard now.  I can’t ride a bike to school anymore or live on my own.  How would I even cook for myself?  Who would even take a toddler seriously?  My last thought as I fell asleep was, ‘Who am I supposed to be now?’

I woke back up sometime later and looked over at my parents to see they were watching TV.  I tried to squeeze my legs together but was stopped by my now swollen diaper.  All I could think was ‘Great’; best case scenario, I won’t need diapers when I’m awake and have easy access to a bathroom, but would need my parents to diaper me anytime I need to sleep for the rest of my life.  Then I started thinking about how I would need help to go to the bathroom.  Anytime I needed to go in public I would have to be taken to the restroom like a small child.  Diapers or not, either way, seems undignified to me.

My mom noticed that I was awake, came and sat on the bed, and asked, “Did you sleep well?”

I just nodded my head.  She then asked, “Do you need a diaper change?” as she squeezed the front of my diaper through the covers.

I just nodded my head and bit my lower lip at the loss of autonomy over my own body.  After pulling the covers back, she positioned me to change my diaper as my dad handed her a clean diaper and wipes.  A couple of minutes later, I was in a dry diaper and lying back in my normal position in bed.

After throwing away my wet diaper and washing her hands, she came and sat back down on my bed and said, “Will, are you up to work on sitting up on your own again?”

I nodded my head again, not really wanting to, but knowing that I needed to and to just get it over with.  She lifted me into a sitting position slowly let go and kept her hands in front of me, ready to catch me if I toppled over.  While I found each time that I worked on sitting up easier, I felt like an infant with their mother working on developmental milestones.  The diaper change beforehand did not help either in that regard.  I seemed to last longer sitting up, but eventually, my body gave up, and my mom had to catch me and lay me back down.

While catching my breath, my mom said, “You are doing great, honey.”

Feeling dejected, I didn’t even respond and just turned over on my side, facing away from both my parents.  My mom started rubbing my back and gingerly asked, “Do you want to talk about what’s on your mind?”

I remained quiet and didn’t respond.  My mom continued, “Talking about whatever is troubling you will make you feel better.  I know you probably think that your life is over, but it is not.  Things will be different for you but the story is not over.  God still has a plan for you.”

Hearing my mom's last words struck a raw, exposed nerve within me.  With tears of frustration and anger welling in my eyes, I turned and looked at my mom and shouted, “Fuck God and fuck his plan.  He turned me into a freak of nature.  I’m supposed to be an adult man, not a goddamn toddler girl!”

Anger quickly turned into sorrow and despair as fat tears began to pour down my face.  In a quiet voice, I said, “I don’t even know who I am supposed to be anymore.”  After a sob escaped me, I said, “What future do I have other than daycare and shitting myself.”

With those last words, heavy sobs begin to rack my body.  My mom quickly picked me up and held me tightly in her arms.  I clung to her shirt and buried my face into her shoulder as she slowly rubbed my back.  Her shirt became drenched in my snot and tears as I cried out all my anger, frustration, sorrow, and sadness at the world.  At one point, my bowels erupted and as the back of my diaper filled, I began to cry even harder at my own self-fulfilling prophecy.

After a few minutes and my crying subsided somewhat, my mom gently laid me down and kissed me on my tear-soaked cheek.  I just stared at the ceiling as I continued to sob uncontrollably.  I see my dad come into view above and as my mom started to change my dirty diaper, he leaned down and after kissing me on the forehead, he said, “Will, we would never put you in daycare.  If you haven’t forgotten, I’m retired and we will just spend time together until we figure out something for you to do.  You are one of the smartest people that I know and if you set your mind on something, you will find a way to accomplish it,” as he was running his fingers through my hair.

I could hear his words and knew that they were true, but at that moment they still felt hollow to me.  He then grabbed a washcloth and wiped my face of all the snot and tears, but it was only temporary as more snot and tears leaked out of me.  My mom finished changing my diaper and as she was handing my dad my used diaper and changing supplies, my dad handed her a towel.  She draped it over her stained shirt from my tears, then picked me back up.  With me in her arms, she lay down in my bed.  I laid on top of her with my head resting on her upper chest covered by the towel to soak up all my tears.  She gently kissed me on the top of my head and began to rub my back with one hand and pat my bottom with the other.  My dad laid a blanket over the both of us.  Still lightly sobbing, I cried myself to sleep minutes later.

[Don't hurl your diaper at people...]

Florida Man strikes again.

[High sucide risk woman that likes to write ABDL Harry Potter fanfiction]

I found this article pretty interesting. I was talking to my therapist today and brought up this article to her.  She is the only person IRL that knows I'm an ABDL and has been really supportive in me accepting it.  After going over the cliff notes, I could see her wheels turning.  Either she is about to do a deep dive on the available literature or I'm about to end up as a case study, which is fine my me.

[Food poisoning]

Hopefully, this experience won't turn you off of Chick-Fil-A for good.  I don't know what I would do if I couldn't have "God's Chicken" a few times a month.

[What do you call it?]

I usually say wet/wetting.

Tickle just reminds me of when I was a kid and my grandma would ask me if I needed to tickle. Or she would remind me to go tickle before bed since I was a bedwetter.

[Saving Grace: CH 13 (5/17/24)]

22 hours ago, Craisler said:

Ouch.  When a friend and I were playing with a BB gun, I managed to get hit in the nose with a ricocheting BB.  We were shooting toys off the back of his sister’s oak potty chair.  I shot a little low and the BB rebounded straight back at me.  I learned my lesson with little damage.

That was lucky.

You will find out later in the story when Will, Stanley, and Marley are reminiscing on stupid things they did as kids that I did not learn my lesson.

[Saving Grace: CH 13 (5/17/24)]

5 hours ago, Craisler said:

I’m thoroughly enjoying how the story is progressing.  There are few stories where I could actually see myself in the role of the protagonist. This is one of those few. Of course, based on my background and sexual identity, there are times when my reactions to certain situations would be significantly different.  Wearing a diaper and being incontinent wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.  Even the unexpected change in genitalia wouldn’t bother me, though I’d have been far more curious about the change than Will.  In his place, as soon as I was told about the changes, my hand would have been inside my diaper checking them out.  What would actually bother me the most is the loss of independence.  However, with a good computer, an AI avatar, and the ability to work remotely he could have a satisfying future.

Thanks for the comment.  I'm glad that you are finding Will relatable.  I put a lot of my personality and experiences into Will's character for this story.  In the chapter where Will was getting an MRI and telling the tech how it works was based on a true story; I have a hard time not nerd-ing out on anything related to science and math.

I based Will's reaction to all the changes on an experience I had as a kid.  I lived the true Christmas Story and got my eye shot out with a BB gun on Christmas Day.  I guess it was a bad idea to give a bunch of 6 to 10 years all BB guns for Christmas.  It took me days after the accident to work up the courage to see the damage in the mirror and even then I freaked out and ran out of the bathroom.  It wasn't until the next day that I was able to thoroughly check out the damage.  Instead of the normal white, iris, and pupil; it all looked like a scab. Surgery fixed it, but now I have a teardrop-shaped pupil and my good eye is a hazel-green color while my bad eye is brown.

In the second half of the story, Will will get back some of the things he lost, and in his line of work, all he needs is a computer.  His typing speed will decrease due to having tiny hands though.

[Why public toilets are horrible and how women deal with it]

I find myself avoiding public restrooms at all costs if possible.  Most restrooms are disgusting and I like privacy when using the bathroom.  If I can,  I will try and use single-use restrooms over group restrooms.  I try my best to never have to poop in public restrooms and have had plenty of close calls trying to get home in time.  The funny thing is that if I am home for the day, I am usually wearing diapers, so at this point, I use the restroom in public about as much as I use the toilet at home.

The one response that I found untrue was the woman who didn't like using the unisex bathroom because she thought it was more disgusting because of men using it.  I worked in a grocery store in highschool and my freshman year of college and would have to clean both the men's and women's restroom if I was closing for the night.  I found that both were equally disgusting and that the general public are animals when using the bathroom regardless if they were men or women.

[Saving Grace: CH 13 (5/17/24)]

18 minutes ago, Kaiko-chan said:

He's such a trooper. Though whether that's because he's in shock is another thing. Hopefully when things fully hit him he doesn't react to harshly. 

Thanks for the comment. 

Yeah, I'm going to have to walk a tightrope on Will's reaction to everything. I want his reaction to be believable for someone with no gender issues and isn't an ABDL, but I also don't want him to come off as a bigot or offensive. 

[Saving Grace: CH 13 (5/17/24)]

28 minutes ago, Craisler said:

I'm glad to see he still has his normal intelligence.  Personally, if that had happened to me, I'd be interested in more closely examining the changes in my body.

Thanks for the comment, I find stories where the MC is mentally regressed unrelatable and at that point, I feel that the story can then only be carried by the caregivers.

Right now he is just shocked and freaked out by all the changes. I feel like if most people wake up tomorrow morning with a different set of genitalia and body, and had no clue that it could happened or was possible would be freaking out even more than Will is.

I agree, personally, I would be very interested. 

[Saving Grace: CH 13 (5/17/24)]

 

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers and motherly figures. 

Even though the timeline for this story is still back in April around the 18th, today is Will's birthday too. 

Warning: I just wanted to let everyone know that Will is going to have a tough time with dealing with all of the changes that happened in the last chapter.  For the next few chapters, there will be times when Will will either say or think mean and ugly things about himself, as he comes to terms with what has happened.

 

            Chapter 12

              I woke up and before I could open my eyes, I could feel that someone was lying next to me in the bed.  Opening my eyes and turning my head, I could see that my mom was lying next to me.  My mom looked down at me and with a smile said, “Hey Will.”

              “Hey,” was all I could muster in response.  I did notice that I wasn’t drooling and slurring my words anymore.  It was still unnerving to hear my high-pitched voice.  I also noticed that my diaper was dry, so I guess I was changed while I was asleep.  The leads and heart monitor were gone too.

              My mom turned on her side and brushed my hair back with her hand. I could tell it was pretty long now.  She then asked, “How do you feel?”

              Thinking to myself, ‘How do I even answer that?’  My whole life was turned upside down. What am I supposed to say, ‘I am just peachy despite having a toddler body and probably needing the care of a toddler for the rest of my life.  Oh yeah, and I have a vagina now.’  Not caring to elaborate on my feelings at the moment, I just simply said, “I’m OK.”

              My mom looked down with concern and said, “Do you want to talk about what is happening?”

              I quickly said, “No.”

“Well, I will be here to talk about it when you are ready,” she said. 

Looking around, I noticed that my dad wasn’t there, so I asked, “Where is Dad?”  To change the subject.

              My mom said, “He went to get himself and me a cup of coffee from Starbucks.”

              I nodded my head, looked to my left again, and spotted the teddy bear, I then asked my mom, “What’s with the teddy bear?”

              My mom responded, “Stanley and Katie sent it.  Ellis picked it out because she wanted you to have a friend to watch over you while you were asleep.”

              I couldn’t help but smile a little at how sweet Ellis was.  I said, “That was nice of Ellis.”

              “Yep, she sure is a sweetheart,” my mom said.

              Before I could think of another question to distract my mom and myself with, my dad walked in carrying two cups of coffee in his hands.  He handed one of the cups to my mom, then leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. Standing back up, he asked, “How are you feeling, Will?”

              I just looked at him and said, “I’m OK.”

              I could see it in his eyes that he knew that was a lie, but he just nodded his head to my answer.  I then tried to do something that I had not tried in a while; I tried to sit up.  I first tried lifting my head.  My head felt heavy but I was successful in lifting it off the pillow. I then tried to sit up the rest of the way using both my arms and abdominal muscles.  I was able to get my back off of the bed, but my body was too weak to sit up all the way and I collapsed back down.  My mom looked to see what I was doing and asked, “Will, what are you trying to do?”

              Taking in a deep breath from my exertion, I said, “I was trying to see if I could sit upright.”

              “Well, I’m glad you are taking the lead on getting your strength back.  One of the things we were going to have to discuss with you tomorrow was working on exercises to build your strength back up after being in a coma for so long,” my mom said.

              After setting her coffee down, she took both her hands, placed them under my armpits, and easily lifted me into a sitting position as the covers fell to my lap.  It felt so weird that her hands could wrap around my torso.  She then said, “I’m going to slowly let go, but will keep my hands on you to keep you from falling over.”

              I nodded and spread my legs out and brought my feet inward to help form a solid base.  I was surprised by how flexible my hips were.  My mom then slowly let go and placed one hand on my back and the other on my chest.  I was able to stay upright, but it didn’t long for my abdominal muscles to start quaking and I found myself shifting back and forth between my mom’s hands in my fight to stay upright.  A few moments later, I collapsed forward into my mom’s hand.  My mom then shifted me to where I was leaning back into her other hand, then she used the hand that was supporting my front to support my head and gently lowered me back down.

              She leaned down and kissed me on my forehead and said, “Good job, honey.”

              Out of breath and panting, it took me a few moments, but I was able to say, “That was a lot harder than it should be.”

              “Well, you lost a good bit of muscle over the past month, but if you keep at it, you will be sitting up on your own, then standing, and finally walking in no time,” my mom said.

              I just nodded my head and thought, ‘this is going to suck.’  Wanting to take my mind off things, I asked, “Mom, can you raise the bed so that I can watch TV?”

              My mom said, “Sure.”

              She raised the head of the bed to where it was at a 45-degree angle and turned on the TV.  She then handed me the remote and I found myself surprised again by how big everything was.  The remote was huge in my tiny hands.  I started channel surfing for a few minutes then settled on reruns of Law & Order: SVU.  I made it through the rest of the episode and was about 15 minutes into the next episode when a nurse walked in.

              She was holding what looked like a smaller bag for my feeding tube than before I was in a coma, along with a syringe in her other hand.  I couldn’t tell for certain, but she looked like the nurse from earlier with brown hair, hazel eyes, and a medium build.  She walked up to my bedside and with a smile said, “Hi Will, my name is Abby and I have been your nurse for the past couple of weeks.”

              I looked up at her and just said, “Hi.”

              “I'm glad you’re awake again; how are you feeling?” Abby asked.

              I said, “I’m OK.”

              “That’s good to hear, I’m going to start your last feeding bag of the day,” Abby said.

              My mom then chimed in, “He was able to sit up on his own for a few minutes about an hour ago.”

              “That is fantastic news, you will be on your feet again in no time,” Abby said in a bubbly voice.

              She got my feeding bag started, then injected the syringe into my I.V.  She looked back down at me and said, “All the drugs from when you were in a coma should be almost all out of your system.  If you start to have any pain again, let me know and I can give you something to help.”

              “OK, am I going to get sick from the feeding tube like before?” I asked.

              Abby responded, “You haven’t spit up in days during your feedings, so it shouldn’t be a problem anymore.”

              I just nodded my head, and thought, ‘At least something is going right for me.’

              She then said, “I will be back in a little bit to flush your feeding tube,” before walking out.

              I turned my attention back to the TV to try and distract me again.  As time passed and the feeding bag emptied, I noticed that I only got a little bit queasy.  Not long after Abby walked back in.  As she was disconnecting my feeding tube from the bag and flushing my feeding tube out, she asked, “Did you have any problems?”

              I said, “No, just got a little nauseous.”

              She smiled at me and said, “That’s good to hear, Will.”  She then said, “You all have a good night and I will see you in the morning.  Let the night nurse know if you need anything.”

              My dad responded, “Good night, Abby,” followed by my mom saying, “Good night, see you tomorrow.”

              Once Abby had left, I went back to watching TV.  About 5 minutes in, I was hit with the immediate need to poop.  I turned to my parents and said, “I have to …,” but it was too late.  Poop started filling the back of my diaper, then started working its way up to the front of my diaper.  My bladder decided to join in and pee started filling the front of my diaper and running down to mix with my poop.  All I could do was whimper as I helplessly soiled myself.  My mom rushed to my side and sensing my distress, placed a hand on my cheek and said, “It’s OK, Will.  I will get you changed.”

              She pulled the cover back, then picked me up then laid me back down onto the incontinent pad that I was sitting on, with my feet pointing at her.  She then asked, “Are you all done?”

              I was able to force out a little more pee, then I bit my lower lip and nodded yes.  I then saw my dad pass a new diaper, a tub of wipes, and a tube of cream to my mom above me.  She moved my arms up to beside my head, pushed up my hospital gown to my chest, and then said, “George, start a bath for Will, he had a little bit of a blowout around his legs.”

              She then looked down at me and said, “It has been a couple of days since you had a bath and you will feel a lot better after having one.”

              All I could do was nod, then out of embarrassment of getting my diaper changed, I turned my head so I was facing the wall.  I hear the sound of my mom ripping the tapes on my diaper, then air hitting my crotch as the front of my diaper was lower down.  I could then feel my mom start wiping down the front of my diaper area with cold wet wipes.  As she was thoroughly cleaning my new genitals, I had to shut my eyes and ball up my fist at the alien sensations I was feeling.  Thinking that it couldn’t get any worse, I felt my mom grab both of my ankles in one hand then lift my legs and push my knees to my chest.  She used wipe after wipe to clean all of the poop that was caked to my bottom.  Once my bottom was clean, my legs were lowered back down and I turned my head to see that she was balling up the used diaper.

              She looked at me and said, “Let’s get you into the tub for a quick bath.”

              She then removed my gown, leaving me completely naked.  She walked around to the other side of the bed, then picked me up and held me up close to her body with one hand on my bare bottom and the other on my upper back.  It felt so awkward to have her holding me against her naked.  As we turned to head to the bathroom, I could see over her shoulder that my dad was following behind us with my I.V. poll.

              We made it into the bathroom and looking into the tub, I could see what looked like a bath chair for small disabled children.  My mom gently placed me in the bath chair and I noticed that the water only covered my legs and went up to my lower stomach.  Looking at my body, I could see that my legs lacked any muscle just like my arms. I had a small protruding belly, which was weird to look at since I have had a flat stomach for as long as I can remember.  I lifted my head up slightly to see past my belly and immediately regretted it.  It was one thing to be told about the difference or feel the difference down there, it was a whole other thing to see the difference with my own eyes.  It was unnerving to see that my penis was missing.

              I snapped my head back and stared at the ceiling as my heart rate began to climb.  My mom sensing my distress, placed a hand on my chest and the other on the side of my face, and said, “Will, I know this is a lot to take in and I can’t imagine how you are feeling right now.  I’m going to give you a quick bath, but I need you to take some deep breaths with me, OK.”

              I nodded my head and we began to take deep breaths in, followed by slowly exhaling together.  After a few minutes, my heart rate returned to normal.  My mom leaned down and kissed me on the forehead, then said, “Good job sweety.”

              She took a cup that was sitting on the side of the tub, filled it with bath water then used it to wet my hair and upper body, being careful to not get my face wet because of the feeding tube.  I saw her take some baby shampoo then quickly washed and rinsed my hair.  She then took a wet washcloth with baby body wash and started scrubbing my arms, legs, and the front of my body.  She then leaned me forward and with one hand holding me, she used the other to scrub my back and butt.  Laying me back into the chair, she rinsed my body of all the soap.  She then said, “Alright, you are as clean as a whistle, let’s get you dried off and dressed.”

              I was lifted out of the bath chair and then gently laid down on a large towel.  She dried all the water off of my body and got my hair as dry as possible.  She then bundled me up in the towel, picked me up, and held me in her arms.  I heard her call out, “George, can you come help me with Will’s I.V. poll.”

              I then looked over at the mirror and could not believe what I was seeing.  Being held in my mom’s arms, all I could see was a cute toddler looking back at me.  Albeit, a sickly looking one, with dark circles under their eyes and a feeding tube coming out of their nose.  I also noticed that my hair was about halfway down to my shoulders.  As my dad was coming into the bathroom, I asked my mom, “Why is my hair so long?”

              As we were walking out of the bathroom with my dad following, my mom said, “Well, you looked like you needed a haircut before all this happened.  The doctors said that since your hair and nails are made up of dead cells, then they would remain the same.  Between another month of hair growth and your overall size decreasing, it looks like you have a lot longer hair than before.  At one point, I was having to cut your nails every few days to keep you from growing talons.”

              I said, “That makes sense.”

              As we made it to the bed, I could see that there was a new incontinent pad on the bed, along with a folded-up gown, diaper, cream, and lotion.  My mom laid me down on the bed and I could see my dad plugging in my I.V. pump. She unswaddled me from the towel, took some lotion, and applied from head to toe on me.  At that point, I started to feel my joints ache again.  I watched as she unfolded the diaper and fluffed it up.  She lifted my bottom off of the bed by my ankles, placed the diaper under, and then set me back down onto the thick diaper.   Thinking I was finally going to get dressed now, I see her grab the tube and cream and squeeze some onto one of her fingers, then lift my bottom back up and rub the cream into my butt crack.

              My face was flushed as my mom pulled the diaper between my legs and taped it up snugly around my waist.  Seeing my red face, she said, “Sorry Will, should have warned you about that, I don’t want you getting a rash.”

              She then took the gown and put the sleeves together around my arms using the snaps.  She then reached around my neck and tied the back of the gown together.  It was then that I realized that there was only one tie and I would be flashing my diaper anytime I was not laying in bed.  My mom then picked me up and then placed me back in bed, laying at a 45-degree angle on top of the new incontinent pad.  I looked up and said, “My joints are starting to hurt again.”

              As my mom was picking up the towel off the bed, she said, “I will go get the nurse.”

              I saw my mom toss the towel into a bin and then walk out of the room.  My dad then scooped me up into his arms to where my bottom was resting on one of his forearms and he was using his other hand to support my upper body.  As I was looking up at him with a questioning look, he said, “I wanted to say good night to you before the medicine knocks you out.  I am heading back to your apartment tonight, but your mom will be staying the night with you.  I will be back first thing in the morning.”

              I asked, “How have the bills and rent been getting paid.”

              With a slight chuckle, he said, “I know we were worried about your brain before waking you up, but I think you are still sharp as a tack; don’t worry about the bills and rent, I have been taking care of everything.”  With a serious look in his eyes, he said, “I only wanted you worried about one thing, getting your strength back, OK.”

              In a quiet voice, I said, “OK.”

              He then brought me in for a hug to where my head was resting on his shoulder and as he was rubbing my back, he said, “I know today was extremely tough and confusing for you.  Just know that your mom and I will be here for you every step of the way.  And know that I love you no matter what.”

              With tears in my eyes, I said with a catch in my voice, “I love you too.”

              I could then hear my mom coming into the room talking to someone.  I could then hear my mom say, “Sarah is here to give you your pain medicine.”

              I lifted my head off my dad’s shoulder and could see a nurse with black hair and green eyes holding a syringe.  I held my left hand out to her, she took it in her hand, and as she was connecting the syringe to the I.V. port, she asked, “Are you OK, Will?”

              I just nodded my head, then placed my head back on my dad’s shoulder as I felt the effects of the pain medicine kick in.  My mom then said, “He had a rough day today with everything going on after waking up from the coma.”

              Sarah then placed a hand on my shoulder and said, “I'm glad that you’re awake now, I’m sure that tomorrow will be better for you.”

              I then felt my dad lay me down in bed, I looked up as he kissed me on the forehead, and then pulled the covers up.  I saw my parents kiss then my dad walked out.  I was starting to get very tired as my mom was lowering the bed back down to nearly flat.  She kissed me on the cheek, then said, “Good night Will, I love you.”

              I mumbled out, “I love you too,” as I fell asleep to my mom running her fingers through my hair.

[Civilization is doomed]

George Carlin once said, "Imagine how stupid the average American is and know that half of them are even dumber."

[Hiking to a New Life (Chapter 41 posted 5-11-24)]

I loved that John was riding Xerxes like a horse. All he needs is a cowboy hat.

Funny thing is one of brothers and sister-in-laws have two great danes and I have been trying to convince them to get a pony saddle so that my niece could ride them like horses.

[Saving Grace: CH 13 (5/17/24)]

12 hours ago, Craisler said:

By the way, the word in the 7th paragraph should be “size disparity”, not size disparge.

Thanks for the catch, I will fix it.  The funny thing is I looked at that word for a few minutes when I was writing and thought it looked wrong but was having a brain fart and Grammarly didn't pick it up either.

25 minutes ago, Craisler said:

Speaking for me, I’d say you’ve created a story that has sucked me in and made me very curious as to how you’re going to handle a number of issues associated with Will’s physical regression.

Does he retain his adult intellect in his now infantile body?  If so, how does he adjust to his new status?  He wasn’t ABDL prior to his transformation, so this certainly isn’t a dream come true for him.  All his aspirations for a career, family, and adult freedoms have been dashed.  In that situation, I would think he would either become suicidal or completely withdrawn into himself and have no conscious interaction with the outside world.  He has nothing to look forward to except an infinite number of diaper changes for the next 60 years or however long his life is.

A baby’s brain starts at about 25% of its ultimate size, is about 80% of its final size by age 3, and reaches its full size by age 5.  Will’s body has regressed to approximately age 3 at this point in the story, what has happened to his brain?  If his skull has reduced in size proportionately, his brain must now be 80% of the size it was when he was an adult.  How has that affected his intellect?

If his musculature, internal organs, and nervous system have regressed to their infantile states, why hasn’t his skeletal structure also regressed to its pre-puberty condition?

His parents are now in their 50’s or 60’s.  What happens to Will when they are no longer able to care for him?

Even though his genitals have changed form, I don’t see how he can ever think of himself as anything other than male.  He’s been a male for over 20 years and I doubt that the lack of a penis will change his perception of himself.

I’ve known or am personally familiar with individuals who are intersex, been born with developmental brain abnormalities, or have suffered traumatic brain injuries and have a great deal of empathy for them.  I’m hoping that the outcome for Will is far more hopeful than what I’ve observed in real life.

 

Thank you

I have been thinking about this story for a very long time.  Some of the underlying themes of this story are Will dealing with exploring his identity, needing diapers, and needing babyish things.  Like Will will have, I have had issues with my gender identity and being an ABDL since childhood so I plan on projecting a lot of my own feelings that I had into his character.  We did not ask to be ABDL, incontinent, straight, gay, etc. and my hope is this will be a story of acceptance.  I do have a plan for Will to get certain aspects of his life back.  It won't be the life he originally planned for himself, but he will find purpose and joy in life again.  I wrote this as if I had to deal with physical regression like Will, even though I am an ABDL, I have a lot of aspirations in life other than diapers.  I could never see myself as a 24/7 adult baby.

Without giving any spoilers, there will be some changes to Will's brain, but his intelligence, for the most part, will be intact.  My reasoning behind that is the plasticity of the brain in younger children and that the world's smallest woman is only the size of a proportional 10-month-old but she is still smart enough to have both a bachelor's and master's degree.

I probably should have been a little clearer on why Will will be locked into his final physical age.  Because his bone growth plates were already fused when he stopped growing the first time, the physical regression did not affect the grown plates, but just the bones themselves.  If this would have happened before he was fully grown, there would have been a chance for him to grow at least a little bit.

I do have a plan for Will's long-term care.

I agree, I have had a very close family member have TBI from multiple strokes. It is pretty tough to see someone lose all of their independence and have to take on the role of caregiver.

 

[Fine Dining for Fancy ABs (A Digital Short)]

 

[Lights! Camera! ...What?!? - Chapter 113 - 5/17/24]

I wonder if this is going to be a random kidnap attempt on Carly or an enemy of either of their families. I have a feeling that Nikki is going to kick whoever it is butt.

I hope that Stacy's nanites are still able to protect Carly from hypnosis. I have a feeling she will need it later on.

Understandable about the delay in posting. This site can be pesky at times.

[Saving Grace: CH 13 (5/17/24)]

9 minutes ago, BabySofia said:

Wow... Yeah, they ripped that band aid straight off! I wonder if they'll let him wake back up again after a couple hours or keep him in the coma until he's at that 12-24 month age range? 

Enjoying this tale!

They just sedated him for now to calm him down, but the rest of the physical regression will be hard on him.

[Saving Grace: CH 13 (5/17/24)]

15 minutes ago, dmavn said:

sigh, This would actually be a dream come true for me..

I think this is a fantasy for a lot of people, but it comes with a lot of trade-offs that Will will have to deal with later on.  I 'played the tape forward' and the rest of this story would be best-case scenario for Will.

[Saving Grace: CH 13 (5/17/24)]

7 hours ago, Craisler said:

I’m really enjoying the story and am interested in seeing how it progresses.  One observation I have to make is that this chapter seems a bit rushed given the pace of the previous chapters.  I wonder whether a doctor would tell a twenty-something male patient that he’s now an incontinent three year old female and is likely to regress to an 18 month old toddler and be that way for the rest of his/her life within minutes of coming of a coma.  Talk about information overload!  No wonder he panicked.

I agree that the news was broken pretty hard to Will.  My thought process on this was that Will's parents and the doctors did discuss the best ways to break the news to him and thought that ripping the bandaid off was the best option since it would not take long after waking up for him to figure out that there was something very different about his body and not just his size.  One of the reasons that Will broke down in chapter 9 was due to not knowing what was happening to him and thinking that it may be fatal. His parents thought that him knowing the end result and it not being fatal was the lesser of the two evils.

Either way, I think that there is pros and cons on how to handle the situation best.

 

[Sam's Vacation]

Karen sure is being a "Karen" toward Sam. 🤨

[Saving Grace: CH 13 (5/17/24)]

7 hours ago, D503 said:

Excellent story. Poor Will (and poor Willy). Looking forward to see how he navigates his new life.

Thank you, Will will have a hard time accepting his new life at first.

6 hours ago, Samriis said:

I'm having a lot of fun with the story as well, and the attention you put to making the science believable is very much appreciated.  Excellent story so far

Thank you,  I love science fiction and wanted this story to be as believable as possible.

4 hours ago, Kaiko-chan said:

I knew it's but wasn't expecting the Sawyers syndrome. 

I had a feeling that some readers would probably know where this story was going based off of my first post on DailyDiapers.😊

I find the topic of intersex very interesting and thought that having Will have a form of XY intersex would be the most believable way for his sex to change. There is androgen syndrome too, where people with XY chromosomes are assigned female at birth, but I didn't see that working for this story based on how it works.  Fun fact, people with Swyers syndrome are the only people in the world who can get pregnant and have XY chromosomes, but only through Invitro. 

1 hour ago, zzzz50 said:

Skipped right through Adult and Youth diapers, directly to baby diapers. And the sex change was totally unexpected. I can see how this is overwhelming for Will!

I wrote this thinking that the pain would be too great due to the accelerated physical regression for Will to wake up from his coma.  The doctor needed to wait until it slowed back down.  Will's going to have a tough time dealing with the changes to his body.

[Saving Grace: CH 13 (5/17/24)]

This chapter is a little short but a lot happens in it.  I will go back to the much longer chapters from now on.

Chapter 11

I woke up to the sound of beeping.  I struggled with all my might, but I was unable to move or open my eyes.  I could then hear my mom’s voice, “How long until Will wakes up?”

A male voice that sounded like Dr. Kutner responded, “It could be anytime between now and a few hours.  It depends on how long it takes the drugs to wear off.”

A moment later, all the sounds and voices faded away.  I woke back up and was able to slowly open my eyes.  The first thing I noticed was that the bed I was lying in was huge, and swallowed me up.  I looked across the room and could see that the wall was painted in a bright light blue color with whimsical pictures framed on the wall.  I thought, ‘This is not the room I was in before.’

I turned my head to the left and could see that there was a large light brown teddy bear sitting on the bed right next to me.  Looking past the bear, I could see a counter along the wall with a built-in sink.  Sitting on the counter, I could see a large bright aqua-green opened box.  On the front of the box, I saw the name, ‘Pampers’ and ‘size 4’ written below.  My next thought was, ‘Shit, that’s what size Ellis wears.’  I then noticed a bulk between my legs and could tell I was wearing a diaper and it felt slightly damp.  Besides the box of diapers, I could see what looked like a stack of diapers, a stack of incontinence bed pads, baby wipes, lotion, and a tub of diaper rash cream. 

Turning my attention to myself, I looked down at my arms that were lying at my sides.  They were completely hairless and were fairly thin.  I could see that there was an I.V. in the back of my left hand and looking at my upper body that was not under the covers, I could see that I was wearing what looked like a juvenile hospital gown with rabbits on it.  Leads were coming out of the top of the gown that must have been running to a heart monitor and was probably the source of the beeping.  Wiggling my nose and swallowing some spit, I could feel that I still had a feeding tube in, and it was tapped to my left cheek.

I looked to my left and could see my parents sitting on a couch that ran along the wall and there was a recliner chair at my bedside.  I could see that my mom was reading a magazine and my dad was reading a paperback novel.  Looking at their faces, I could see that they looked run down, exhausted, and stressed.  I called out, “Moom? Daadd?”  I was immediately stunned hearing my slurred high-pitched voice that sounded like a small child and the drool running down my chin. 

My parents’ heads snapped up from their reading material and they jumped up and rushed to my bedside.  My mom sat on the bed right beside me, cupped my cheeks in her hands, and started showering my face in kisses.  I was a little intimidated by the size disparity between us now and her hands easily covered my face and the sides of my head.  My mom pulled her face back and with a smile said, “Will! I’m so glad you're awake.”  Turning to my dad, she said, “George, go get the doctor.”

My dad then leaned down to me with a gentle smile, brushed my hair back, and kissed me on the forehead.  As he stood back up, he said, “I’ll be right back with the doctor,” then walked out of the room.

I looked up at my mom who was smiling down at me.  She had my right hand engulfed by hers and was rubbing the back of my hand with her thumb.  All I could think or ask was, “What happened?”

My mom paused for a moment, then said, “Will, the doctor will do a better job of explaining everything to you, but you were in a medically induced coma for the past thirty-four days.”

My eyes shot back up to my mom’s eyes and I said, “Thirty-four days!?”  As more drool ran down my chin.

My mom grabbed a hand towel that was sitting on the bed above my head and as she was wiping the drool off of my chin said, “Yes sweety, the doctors tried to wake you up two times before, but you would just wake up confused, then start crying and screaming in pain.”

Before I could think of anything else to say, my dad, Dr. Taub, and a nurse walked in.  My dad took a seat on the bed beside me opposite my mom and took my hand in his.  Dr. Taub took a seat on the end of my bed and I could see that the nurse was just standing off to my left.

Dr. Taub then asked, “Will, do you know where you are?”

I nodded my head yes, then he asked, “Do you remember who I am?”

I nodded and said, “Dr. Taub,” as drool ran down my chin again.

My mom wiped the drool from my chin and asked, “Do you know why Will is drooling and slurring his speech?”

Dr. Taub said, “The drooling and slurring is most likely from the drugs that are still in his system.  One of our biggest worries was cognitive decline; but based on you knowing where you are and who I am, I am hopeful that it will not be an issue.  We will have to run some tests to be sure.”

Pausing for a second, he said, “One of the biggest changes you probably noticed right now is your size.  We measured you this morning and based on your measurements, we place you being somewhere between thirty months and thirty-six months at a height of thirty-seven inches and weighing twenty-seven and a half pounds.  You are a little underweight for your current height but that is due to your muscle atrophy while in a coma.”

“What’s going to happen to me?” I said as more drool rolled down my chin.

As my mom was wiping my chin again, Dr. Taub said, “The good news is that we are almost certain that this condition is not fatal.  We have been plotting the changes to your body and have projected that the changes will stop somewhere between twelve months and twenty-four months.  We are using age because the changes to your body are more than just your height.  It seems that your body is developmentally between thirty months and thirty-six months.  We will be able to get a better estimate of your final physical age as time progresses.”

My heart began to race; I could hear the beeping of the heart monitor quicken.  Both my parents squeezed my hands and my mom began to run her fingers from her other hand through my hair.  She leaned her head down to my ear and said, “Relax honey, it’s going to be OK.”

I looked up at my mom, then looked at Dr. Taub, and asked, “What does this mean for me, will I ever grow again, and how could this have happened?” as my mom had to wipe more drool from my chin.

Dr. Taub then said, “For you, it means that you will most likely have problems with incontinence, possibly have issues with your coordination and fine motor skills.  You will need to have help from your parents or a caregiver for everyday things.  Unfortunately, the growth plates in your bones have fused together after you went through puberty and we do not think it is possible for you to start growing again after you reach your final physical age.”

After pausing, Dr. Taub said, “We are still working out all the details on how this works since it seems to affect so much of your genes.  It seems that the chromosomes . . .”

I began to shut down as I could not pay attention to what Dr. Taub was saying and felt I was a million miles away even though my body was still in the room.  I could only stare at the movement of his lips, but could not process what he was saying.  Thoughts of what this means for my future and independence raced through my mind. 

I was snapped back to reality when Dr. Taub said, “The next thing I want to discuss with you is regarding your primary sexual characteristics.”

My thoughts upon hearing those words were, ‘’What’s wrong with my penis?’

Dr. Taub continued, “The condition that it seems like you have usually only occurs at birth, but it seems that the same underlying genes that are responsible for your developmental changes are also responsible for changes to your primary sexual characteristics.  The condition is called Swyer Syndrome or XY gonadal dysgenesis.  This is when someone has male chromosomes, but due to a mutation to the SRY gene on the Y chromosome, they develop a vagina, uterus, and fallopian tubes.  People with Swyer Syndrome do not have ovaries or testicles, but functionless gonad scar tissue called streak gonads. People with Swyer Syndrome are usually assigned female at birth but are considered intersex.

In your case, your testicles ascended into your lower abdomen where they degenerated into scar tissue.”

My heart began to race again and my palms began to sweat.  Thoughts swirled through my mind, ‘I don’t have a penis anymore’, ‘Am I even considered a guy anymore’, ‘This isn’t happening, I must be dreaming’.

At that moment, either out of fear or my weakened body, my bladder released and I could feel hot urine cascade down the front of my diaper.  Before, either because I still had drugs in my system or the distraction of the diaper between my legs, I did not notice the difference in my lower anatomy.  Now, it was obvious as I felt the wetness on my new vagina lips. As the urine worked its way down and to the seat of my diaper, I could tell that I did not have any testicles between my legs.

Panic began to set in as wetting my diaper made this all too real.  Thoughts of not only having to deal with a toddler body but a female one at that, just added fuel to the fire of my downward mental state.

My parents tried to comfort me, but it had no effect.  My breathing became erratic and my heart was beating so hard it felt like a drum in my chest.  As I began to hyperventilate, my arms began to tingle and my hands went numb.  In full-on fight or flight mode, I was gasping for air and both trying to push and pull on my parents' hands as sweat and drool poured down my face.

I could see out of the corner of my eye the nurse approached me with a syringe in hand and then quickly injected it into my I.V.  A moment later, my heart began to slow and my breathing began to stabilize.  Feeling returned to my hands and I was able to start taking deep breaths.  As my body calmed, my eyes began to feel heavy.  Seconds later I closed my eyes and sleep consumed me.

 

Hopefully, the 36K words to get to this point was worth it.  I will do a better job explaining the inner workings of Will's illness in later chapters but thought that Will's panic attack was warranted.