Spudnick

Caths are terrifying and I refuse to use them as long as I am able to pee at all. If it ever gets to that point then I won't quit until I find a doctor who will perform a surgery that makes me incontinent. Diapers and/or condom caths over internal catheters any day of the week. No question. Not even debatable. Painkillers have terrible side effects that I can't tolerate. I don't need to contact a disability charity, money is not an issue. I could pay for this out of pocket if it was available. I don't live in America, the ADA and lawsuits are not options (and I doubt they'd be in the states for what it's worth). It's nearly impossible to pee with a full on erection, everything I've read about being incontinent says that it has barely affected anyone's sex life. It would still be nice to try it. Not only would I know if being incontinent would relieve my pain, but I would also see if it was really a big enough problem in my life over the current situation. It's reversible and doesn't even require a general anesthetic.

I posted on here a long time ago about how I have chronic pelvic pain and how I think that being incontinent would make that pain go away, or at least be more convenient. Well, now my pain has gotten worse and I'm getting borderline urinary retention. It takes me forever to pee, both in and out of a diaper. Using a toilet is a real gamble too because sometimes the stream is so pathetic that it just goes down my pants. And I can't easily pee sitting down so that's not really an option. Right now I'm on Doxazosin, which is supposed to help with hesitancy and make it easier to pee. It can rarely cause, or exacerbate, incontinence, and I actually hope it does for me. I'm on a low dose now, they're goin to hike it up next week, hopefully it does something. But in the past few years, I've developed such an anxiety over my ability (or lack thereof) to pee in the bathroom that I simply don't want to anymore. I'd rather use a diaper. When I try to explain this to the doctors, they look at me like I'm crazy and it's really starting to piss me off. They keep telling me that being incontinent would be a major strain on my quality of life and I'm like, really? More than feeling like I have gasoline in my penis that I can't get out? More than not being able to get a decent night's sleep because I keep waking up TRYING to pee and not being able to completely? More than having to cut my work hours in half because it's impossible for me to function when my groin hurts so bad? I've tried PT, I've tried losing weight, I've tried exercise, I've tried multiple medications. Nothing seems to work. There's a procedure called Memokath, it's an internal catheter that can be used to induce incontinence. I want them to do that on me. It's an outpatient procedure, instantly leads to total bladder incontinence, and it's even reversible, so if I do decide it's not for me, they can take it out. But no one will do it. They think living in constant pain is better. Maybe I should staple my doctor's dick to his fucking leg and ask him if he'd rather piss in a diaper. What the hell is wrong with these people?

I have fibromylagia and this sometimes causes massive pain flares in my groin whenever I have any urine at all in my bladder (interstitial cystitis). When the flares are really bad, it can be very hard to sleep, as basically I have to void, and hope to fall asleep before even a slight amount of urine accumulates in my bladder, and then I'm still waking up four to five times a night. I just wish there was a way for me to achieve incontinence at night. I would gladly wear diapers and have plastic sheets until the day I die if it meant I didn't have this pain anymore. I had an absolutely horrible experience with a cystoscopy once, so I'm never putting anything up my pee hole ever again, I just wish there was a way for me to switch off my ability to hold my urine when I was sleeping. It would make life so much easier.