I wait 

Grammy gives Benny his finger foods, feeds him his apples with a spoon, and then she gives him a bottle

So for a long time, I identified as a Daddy, and was in a soft/loving DDlg relationship (before my heart got broken).  She was incontinent and regressed easily, and I absolutely loved changing her diapers, and being as best of a Daddy I could be.   But then something happened one night, for fun she was letting me breastfeed as she wanted to "pretend to be a big girl".  And then I regressed, and it was equally embarrassing and stimulating.  I think our relationship became irrecoverable at that point.  Ever since then her whole demeanor changed, and I felt her love slip away.  We both fought those negative feelings, and for fun she tried to be a "Mommy" to see how it would work out, but our relationship was never the same.  I tried to get it back! I tried to be "super Daddy" but we both realized at some point that it was over.      Anyway, while I would still love to find Little again, I cannot get the thoughts out of my head about how wonderful I felt when I regressed.  It was 100% an accident, and sometimes I hate myself for it, but then I can't get it out of my head.  I discovered at that point that I love licking butts as well as changing diapers *sigh*.      Anyway, I think it's also making it hard for me to date again, because both sides of me are chasing the other side away, and I'm afraid of falling in love again with someone who loves/lives the lifestyle, and then decides that my level of commitment to the lifestyle is probably more than many "casual" people feel.     I hate my brain lol

I don't like soaking them in a bucket because the pee is still there.  I use the speed cycle, which is a 15 minute rinse in my washing machine.  It does a pretty good job because I don't notice then unless I bring them up to my nose.

Hot tears flow down my face my heart begins to ache, my body starts to shake, still missing you still missing you ~ Its been years but it still isn't any easier my heart still hurts not having you here and trying to deal still with this grief ~ When I lost you I lost a part of myself pieces of my heart I'll never have again ~ Where do I turn with you not here Mom where do I find comfort where do I run as all these tears once again fall ~ If I only knew I would have said the things that I long to say to you now even now ~ I love you, I still feel you beside me guiding me nurturing me even with you no longer here ~ Keeping you alive here inside my heart even though its breaking apart ~ Fresh tears flow like every year on this special of days a day to honor moms and all that they do to make us feel loved ~ Every year I'll light a candle say a little prayer and remember you Mom for always believing in me, never giving up on me, and for helping me become the strong person I am today ❤️ End ❤️