Child's Play Chapter 11 (Complete)

[InkuHime]

3 hours ago, Toet said:

It was a nice story to read. It's giving me a little lack of sleep because I wanted to finish the story.

Thanks for writing it.

I know that feeling of staying up late to read something one is enjoying

I am glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the comment.

[pizer]

Your world building here puts most established, mainstream sci-fi authors to shame. Absolutely fantastic. 

After she's established with the initial contract and coverage, why does Yayoi need the additional money that comes along with so many strings attached? I'd think that someone used to her more austere lifestyle would quickly meet the diminishing returns point of additional money, as opposed to someone with a limitless desire for more like Anna.

You expertly address why Yayoi can't get out the situation that she's in, and she exerts her influence in the final chapter. Still, I wonder why she didn't use it earlier against the more significant encroachments on her freedom e.g. the clothing contract and the nanny (before she knows and accepts Justine). Perhaps the fear is that G&P could replace her; however, I think G&P would pay a high cost to find (or, in this dystopia, make) someone with her skillset, charisma, and proclivities.

I particularly dislike Anna, which means her character is well-written. I don't understand why Yayoi defers to Anna and allows her to treat her like she does, though. Anna needs Yayoi arguably more than Yayoi needs her after the initial contract. Anna blatantly uses her, which is to be expected in the world you've built, so why isn't Yayoi doing the same to Anna? Why does she, instead, accept Anna's dismissiveness, lies, and unreasonable demands? Yayoi holds the cards in this relationship. 

You're one of my favorite authors—when I come back here to read stories, I inevitably end up rereading yours—and this is a great story. I see your writing as one of the gold standard for ABDL stories. Very glad that you continue to write them. 

[InkuHime]

On 1/29/2024 at 4:19 PM, pizer said:

Your world building here puts most established, mainstream sci-fi authors to shame. Absolutely fantastic. ...

Thanks for taking the time to reply. First of all I want to make it clear that this story is set in the TTRPG world of SLA Industries, so it is not my world building. I just borrowed the setting and tried to put a bit of my spin and polish on it...

As for your questions, I want to be careful not to offer 'well this was in my head' as an excuse for bad writing.

Sort of answering you questions in reverse order, Anna had a higher SLC than Yayoi, which meant that Yayoi would be wary of getting on her bad side. Hmmmm. I did not write this, and I did not think of it until this moment, but there might be (no, this is SLA industries, there are) worse agents than Anna. That would have been a useful bit to add now that I think about it. And better the devil you know...

I am not sure why Yayoi is not trying to use Anna. That would have been something worth exploring.

As for why Yayoi does not refuse the earlier encroachments on her freedom, I think part of it was that it suited her. She was getting paid to wear diapers and training pants, which she was doing already. And G&P were giving her weapons, which she really liked. Later she did not refuse the Patches and Checkers deal because she was told her Boss was interested. That was another place I should have expounded upon. Just how feared Mr Slayer is. And between those two points, I think she was just accepting, assuming she could say no whenever she wanted. That is another place I could have done a better job.

As for why she needs additional money, I will cite the bullet tax. Bullets are really, really expensive.

I am glad to hear you are enjoying the stories I posted here enough that you are rereading them.

[pizer]

Aha, you totally said it's a borrowed setting in the opening. I just somehow forgot that along the way while reading. That's what I get for binge reading. Well, something new to look into now!

First off, I asked these questions specifically because I wanted to know what was in your head. They weren't meant to imply bad writing. The opposite, really - room for multiple interpretations fed my curiosity. 

Most of my questions are resolved by familiarity with the setting, so please don't find fault in your writing due to my lack of knowledge.

I didn't realize that Mr Slayer is her boss until reading your response. (Also, seeing on their website that SLA is pronounced Slay here... an easy connection to make knowing that.) The Patches and Checkers deal makes perfect sense now; before, I'd pictured Mr Slayer as simply a powerful figure in the world that she wouldn't want to anger, but didn't understand why SLA Industries couldn't protect her from him. I assumed that SLC was just a plot device for Justine to enforce authority over Yayoi, but I gather that it's a whole lot more than that. On the economic end, my guessing about relative costs led me to over-consider fixed costs rather than the cost of bullets. Being able to use more bullets due to more funds directly furthers her goal of ending the Skin Trade, so it makes a lot of sense for her to seek more credits.

As for Yayoi trying to use Anna, there are plenty of plausible answers. I was just curious if you had a specific one in mind. Maybe Yayoi simply doesn't have the bandwidth to use Anna since she's so focused on the Skin Trade, and overall Anna has furthered that goal. Then there's Anna's connections and negotiating skills -- and your point about the devil you know is a good one. World of Progress creates an atmosphere of distrust and exploitation, but Yayoi is an exception in many ways; maybe it's just not in her character to use Anna. Holding the cards in a relationship doesn't matter if you don't know you hold the cards, which is exactly the kind of thing Anna would exploit. 

[InkuHime]

21 hours ago, pizer said:

First off, I asked these questions specifically because I wanted to know what was in your head. They weren't meant to imply bad writing.

Not to worry, I did not think that.

For works like these I'm sort of trying to provide enough back ground information for readers not familiar with the setting without going into info dump mode. I thought I had the balance right but your questions make it clear that I still need a little work. Which is great. I am always trying to get better after all!

As for the Yayoi and Anna relationship... I think Yayoi might be a little imitated by a dommy mommy type.