Curisoity is my new enemy

[KPAXOR1987]

I wanted to try to see if if there was any way my mental health caseworker could have accidently triggered my regression therapy. I figured what's the worse than can happen seeing as there is no possible way to trigger it myself ? 

I lit a cig and just said the same thing she did ½ way threw the smoke and instantly started gagging😒

OK not a problem if I triggered it I can replace a few words and untrigger it right ?

Nope last word caused violent gagging and I instantly messed my diaper 😥.

What the Hell is wrong with them make it so I can trigger it myself yet when I try to deactivate the trigger or trigger it to end I still get consequences ? I mean less severe than when they trigged it but still, That's just messed up a beyond mean 😭

I'm not too impressed by my own courious nature to learn right about now just took my ambien and hope it kicks in soon. 

I don't want to be awake anymore it is nothing more than a complete punishment right now 😭. 

I tried switching the words in the begining from you're a to I'm a  and the trigger words worked fine and figured maybe it was true and admiting it is a reverse trigger dropped the F-bomb nothing ..did it again the room went black for a second and I almost met the toilet seat up close and personal 😭

Switched it to I'm not a and ended up gagging with the beginning of dry heaves and actually threw up a little while almost smashing my head of the shelf 😬 

Why in god's name would they make it able to be triggered by me with no way for me to untrigger it 😡.

That is completely unfair 😥 If I can trigger it I should be allowed to untrigger it if I'm the one who triggered it to begin with 😭

Well martha trucker I'm going to go watch a movie ambien isn't doing much 😒. 

 

[KPAXOR1987]

Well that was intresting. Just had a few messed up things happen not quite shure how to interpert it quite yet. Got ready for my appointment that showed up as being at 2pm in my calander and was scheduled for pickup at 1pm and got a call asking if I forgot about the appointment at 12noon. 

What the hell is up with that? I was debateing canceling the appointment all last night. I honestly like this caseworker and was honestly hopeing she didn't trigger the regression therapy because if she got what was on my mind last night unfiltered it definantly would be another casework that ended up haveing a mental breakdown. 

To me it seems they like playing with fire and can't handle the heat and end up burnt every time they try triggering the regression therapy. Not something I want with a caseworker I actually like. 

I mean she literally broke down in tears and asked how I survived at only 50% of less than 1% of the trama I been threw and it was filtered to be sensitively honest. I mean shit I honestly don't think she could handle even hearing that little bit unfiltered she shure couldn't handle it filtered as she was on a 1 week vacation right after the appointment. What makes me think she can handle it unfiltered? I mean even though what I said when regressed was unfiltered it had 0 to do with any actual trama I went threw(thank god ), but honestly that is only the things I actually remember saying so I really hope I didn't say anything I don't remember saying but have a really bad feeling I did because she was on "vacation" again for a week  after that appointment as well and she said she wants to talk about my last appoinment 😬.

I mean shit man I don't really need to have another mental health worker play with fire thinking they can handle the heat and get burnt to a fucking crsipy crackly crunch. 

I mean I actually do like her so it would be quite devistateing if she thought it was a good idea to mess with the regression therapy just to end up with her being commited like the 70 other mental health workers that thought they knew what the hell they were doing. 

I mean it sucks being me with all the abuse neglect and trama I been threw and it might have royally fucked me up permanently but I can handle it at least. Every mental healthcare worker that thinks they can ends up snapping like a twig at about 5-15% of just hearing about it.

Unfiltered is not a good idea ever and they shouldn't touch that shit with 2trillion mile pole. I remember fucking everything and it isn't something they should hear unfiltered or even filtered for that matter. 

You know the saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger? If that is even remotely true it makes me stronger than 99% of the population on earth. That saying is horse shit though and everyone knows it. 

The only thing it does for me is make me have 0 fear of death and scare the living shit out of people. 

(I removed the rest it isn't worth server space (<-that is definantly a filtered reason)😅.