I know I am new, but hit a wall, I love my husband

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10 minutes ago, diaperedboilerman said:

That will be interesting. Though you might find it causes you to focus too much on what your doing and thus it won't become natural for you! 

No, I am a natural expresser, my therapist came up with it to deal with PTSD, if anything is on my mind, expressing it on paper, its almost like therapy, and I have read some back, it is like I am just talking about how I feel, it is actually very therapeutic for me.

And any issues I have, its great to express exactly how I feel, gets all the bad out and on paper, and lets my brain relax

[kinkygaybottom]

8 minutes ago, diaperedboilerman said:

yeah, a lot of people find if they write down their feelings or anger, it helps them instead of blowing up at others or keeping it inside. So that makes sense. 

  If you don't mind publicly, what is your PTSD from? just curious.

I don't mind, my story has been in the local and national papers(I spoke up to raise awareness, long after I came forward to the police), I was raped repeatedly as a child from the age of 11 till about 15.

Up until 40, I had no idea, suppressed and buried memories, my ex stepped up her abuse after our child was born, from mental abuse to physical and sexual, and the box in my head opened and spilled out all the memories, cannot put them away anymore.

Thankfully PTSD surfacing destroyed our relationship and freed me from her abuse, I then fell out of the closet after a lot of therapy, I ran from the true me because of the abuse, met my hubby, and well, life is generally good.

[kinkygaybottom]

9 minutes ago, diaperedboilerman said:

Wow...um......wait, you were raped from 11 to 15..........by your ex? Sorry maybe I am reading this wrong. I think you mean your ex being a tool, brought out the other older memories right? But wow.

No.... I then left home at 17, moved to a different country, and doing that I managed to suppress everything.

Left that job, met my ex, and spent 20 years in an abusive relationship, thankfully I only see her at exchange of my son.  But even seeing her triggers, thankfully have a wonderful hubby now. And much happier being true to myself, since coming out, my life has changed for the better

[kinkygaybottom]

9 minutes ago, diaperedboilerman said:

Ah got you. ok. Thanks for sharing your story. And I am sorry you had to live through that!  

No probs, and don't be, you had nothing to do with it.  It is part of me, and I accept it, taken years, but I accept it is my past.  Now I speak up to try to raise awareness as it still happens, I speak up to encourage others to come forward, if one does, its worth it.