The big question

[DiaperPony]

I was looking through some old things, and they helped me remember something more. I had this baby quilt that I used as a sort of security blanket, even till adolescence. Well, I remember using that in my very early self pleasure and putting it around myself in the form of a diaper. It did not work well at all, even back then it was way too small, but I know I wished it fit me. I also kept my stuffed animals for a very long time.

I was also fascinated by urine, and I'd do various experiments with it (such as leaving it outside in the sun to evaporate so I could see what was left behind. One time a friend dared me to drink it.

I became religious and repressed all of these urges and desires for years. Once when I was not doing well, I used a rain poncho as a makeshift diaper and bought some baby diapers as well (way too small to be useful, of course, but the smell was incredible). At the time I had no idea why this was enjoyable.

Repression again as I got back into the religion, had kids, etc. Long story short, left religion, got divorce. I had forgotten all about my desires, until I saw a diaper thread on a certain image board. Did some research and bought myself some Depends Max.

And the rest was history.. I was a plain DL, or so I thought until I tried a pacifier on a whim and found I enjoyed it. So I bought a bottle and enjoyed that too. I have collected a bunch of stuffed animals again too (ponies).

I suspect I still haven't reached the end of my journey of self-discovery. However, I don't know if any of this really answers your question, because what caused any of these desires in the first place? I could say it was linked to adolesence, maybe it was just an accident because I had that quilt handy and formed an association with the new pleasurable feelings. But, why would using it occur to me if I didn't already have these desires from even further back? Maybe someday I'll remember more, but maybe I will never know.

[JL19]

For me, I just don't know. I don't know why I have this urge to sometimes wear a diaper or why I want to wet it. Or why I even like doing it enough that I would do it again right after or in the coming days. I don't know why, randomly one day in the supermarket, I had this sudden impulse to buy diapers and try them on (that time I ended up getting Depends and that was my first experience with using diapers and wetting them, that is of course, in recent memory since I don't remember any of what happened when I was a baby). And even now as I continue using diapers I cannot explain why I like to wear them or wet them. It just doesn't make sense to me. Sometimes I think I will never really know why I like to either. That being said, I also feel I shouldn't like wearing diapers and that I shouldn't use them precisely because I have no rational explanation for wanting or liking to use them, it doesn't make sense to me why I feel like this.