I Don't Think I Can Cope With Myself Much Longer (Warning: Long)

[cutepamperboy]

Hey everyone. I've been going through a whole lot of sadness for a very long while and I though It would do me some kind of service to vent about it. Usually I don't but I guess its a good idea. To start I have not been getting anything I was hoping for in the abdl scene. I like to think of abdl as more than just a recreation, it is something I need in my life but nothing is going my way. I feel so unwanted and unappealing to anyone. I am bisexual looking for a loving daddy or mommy. I have met with two daddies so far that have only used me for my body. They don't care about my feelings and it seems as if very few do. I try to clarify that I am in search of love and not just sex but that is all people want from me. It makes me sick to think I fell in love for even a second. All I get is used and discarded like some piece of trash. Although I never actually had sex with them I have been only desired for foreplay and such. My feelings have been betrayed and I was too blind to see it. I cry knowing that all I am wanted for is sex and that makes it hard for me to even want to continue on with trying to find that special someone whether male or female. I get so pissed off when I see all these abdl women looking all cute and sexy and professionally photographed. It pissed me off to see just how fucking easy it is for women to find people. They get all the fucking attention always! I understand the high demographic of straight people but I don't even want to bother. Call it irrational but it irks me to see how the gay/bi population of abdl's are just not cared for at all. Also I feel so unattractive when I see girls diapered up and cute. I just want to hurt myself, just wtf am I doing? I am a handsome man, I believe that I am an attractive person, but I get the feeling of disbelief when I see so many pictures of girls in diapers doing this, doing that, looking cute blah blah and the men just love it. Whats there not to love about a diaper girl of course? Idk maybe this is totally stupid of me, but I really have a problem with my looks. Again I know I look great! I have been told I am hot, I am not trying to be self-centered but I am aware of my looks is all, the second I see some great picture of an abdl girl and its super popular and what not, then I look at how much there pictures are seen in comparison to mine I just think "You are fucking ugly, hurt yourself, your worthless, you stupid ugly fuck, you will never be that great, no one wants you, you suck." I cry thinking I'll be just alone and unloved. I haven't even worn a nappy in a long while cause I just start crying and think "No one wants this baby" It sucks cause really I am a happy guy! I love to be happy. I just cry when I am faced with the constant loneliness. I need the love of someone who can watch over me and baby me and not be obsessed with sex. I keep being told "be patient, be patient" and I try to, but I handle my problems different from others. I just don't even know what I am doing anymore. I love diapers and abdl so much, but thats only scratching the surface of what I need/want. Perhaps I am being overly dramatic about this, but I just really need that caregiving kind of love. So I know I am safe from myself, safe from the sex addicted, and safe from much more. At one point I even had to deal with a racist daddy (btw I'm black) and he said some pretty rude stuff to me. So naturally I crawled back into my shell of self-hatred. Thats all I got to say for now folks.

[Kaidus]

Poor baby; U need a hug from Uncle Kaidus (picks you up and holds you in my arms)

[Codymoogle]

*hugs*

[Blazey]

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