Being "Outed"

[d_drew12]

I really see no benefit in my life of telling anyone. I use to really want to when I first discovered this whole thing and made some unsuccesful attempts. And sure, there's always the dream of getting caught and therefor wearing open and freely but after years and years of not telling, it's gotten easier to keep it as my wife and mines dirty little secret. Makes me laugh looking people straight in the eye and they have no idea I wear diapers at home and out at times. If only they knew.

I have some real close friends, some guys I talk about anything "guy" with. The down and dirty stuff and in some detail if you catch my drift. I can say anything on my mind to them but I'm sure we all still keep a few things tucked away for ourselves. Mines my diapers. Who knows, my buddy maybe he likes getting bent over and fisted. Honestly, I care not to know. I really don't. Some things are better kept to yourself behind closed doors. Maybe a girl I know goes home every night and puts on leather outfits and chains. Maybe they all go home and debate this on other boards like we do too about coming out. To be perfectly honest though, what would it really gain any of us. I'd wear a diaper and baby clothes around while she's wearing leather and chains and my buddy's talking about getting fisted. F-d up scenario IMHO.

I wouldn't say you're hiding who you really are completely by not coming out. The only real person you really NEED to come out to is someone you're in a serious relationship with that could go far. And no, two weeks is not serious. I'll probably get hazed by those saying "be yourself, be free, who cares what others think, on and on" but most of us have many different masks and outfits we wear as it is everday in life. Depending on where you are and who you'll be with determines what disguise you're in. Say you're in for an interview, you dress and talk a certain way, also towards your family, friends, coworkers, children, grandparents, school, boss, priest, gym members, etc. You're not being fake, it's just that you're a different person to many people in life and you take on the role of that person when you're with them. There are usually traits that carry throughout the roles and that's what really makes you who you are as an individual. I'd find it pretty hard to be the same person to everyone I cross paths with in life.

Putting myself in ab outfits would likely only cause others to be uncomfortable and wouldn't really change who I am as an individual deep down, just on the surface. It clothing and some actions that would change but I'd still be d_drew12 only now getting looks and possibly embarrassing people I'm with. Personally, I'm not about to make anyone uncomfortable around me no matter how open a person they are by strutting around in ab wear. There's two ways to look at it. Are they not being a friend by not taking you for who you are in the ab/dl mask, especially when that's not the mask you were in when they originally met you, even if you were hiding it with another mask, or are you not being the friend by putting them in an akward situation?

A few things to keep in mind.

-What will you gain by telling people, really, no really, weight it out over how this will really make life all better by getting that out there.

-If you must tell someone, make sure it's really worth it and it will benefit you in your life, remember you can't unring a bell.

-After a while, maybe years and years, it won't seem so important to tell the world your desires.

-Would you really want to know everyone elses desires? Really think about that one before you go shouting off roof tops about your own.

-Getting one thing off your chest may pile a whole new load on your shoulders.

-At times it's nice to have something that's private to only you and your partner. Somethings left in the bedroom/home are better kept there and again, is your dirty little secret.

[night0wl]

I never set out to tell people, when I told the few people that know it just sort of happened. Since then I have realised I feel differently about things.

Previously, when the only people who knew about the ABDL in me were here online I felt like I had a deep dark secret. Even though I knew it was nothing to be ashamed of, the fact that no one in my life knew and as far as I knew would not accept it, made me feel that way about it anyway. Since telling a few people and them being accepting, it feels more like a special secret that only special people are allowed to know about. This is a far more positive state of mind and this shows in my day-to-day life.

Obviously the majority of people in my life still do not, and never will know. Most of those who do know, do not know the full details. There is no need. It isn't important for my friends to know the details, anymore than you would expect to know about anybody's private sex life. The simple fact that they know and don't care is enough to change how I feel inside about it and that is what's important.

Clearly from what I've read this hasn't been the same for everyone. I couldn't imagine what my life would be like if my best friend of over 20 years had suddenly rejected me, but ultimately I felt that I had to take that risk at some point. Never knowing would have been almost as bad IMHO. If I'd never told him, I'd always have assumed that he would not have accepted me for who I was and that our whole friendship was a lie. Even if that were true, at least in telling him that would have been confirmed - but luckily for me it was disproven .

[Phil Schwartz]

At this point for me, only my wife and my shrink know. But, I've been wearing in public for almost a year now, and I have a pretty good idea of how I would handle the situation if a friend noticed.

As for being outed, and especially for the one 'friend' who saw the tragic results of a car accident injury as being gross, let me say this. A lesbian friend of mine once told me of the time she came out to her family and friends (years before, in another state, while in college). She summed it up this way: "You find out who your friends really are."

That's exactly it - the roommate who won't sop cracking wise, the ex who tries to to ruin your relationships or reputation, the unfeeling wretch who has no sympathy for the victim of an accident, the mother who excludes your existence - these people are not friends, they're not family, they're not people who you want in your life in the first place. It may seem like a slap in the face at the time, but that person just told you exactly who they really are.

Sure, those are some strong words coming from someone who has entrusted himself to only two people (one of whom sworn to medical secrecy at that). Someday, though, as my secret seems less and less horrible to me and I understand myself better, I expect that a few more family and closest friends may eventually learn about this side of me. Eventually I think I'll be ready for that - progress is happening - and I've been working out how to lessen its impact on my relationships.

Yes, if and when more people find out, their true nature will be seen, not just mine. Maybe some will leave my life (through their choice or my own), maybe some will stay. Maybe everything will work out with a Hollywood ending with everyone inexplicably happy somehow, or maybe I will wind up alone. And I'm OK with that. That's the result of finding out who your friends really are.