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Showing results for tags 'depression sadness'.
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Well well well, DailyDiapers. You don't know me, but I know you. Oh boy, do I... My name is SketchPatch1760. I'm 25 years old and and I've been visiting your site for 10 years. That's right, 10 years. I remember when Diaperspace was a thing and Internet Explorer reined supreme. Of course, that was back when I was a teenager starting puberty. I'm autistic (high-functioning Aspurgers), suffer from anxiety and depression, and tend to act on implusive (though I'm working to fix it). This are EXTREMELY important to my story. I consider myself one of you. I've had sexual and nonsexual attractions to diapers for years. I remember getting strange feelings for the diapering scenes in Rugrats, especially the forced changing scene in Maybe Baby and Potty-Training Spike. Thinking hard enough, I can vaguely remember getting placed on the changing table at my church's nursery as a 2-3 year old. It felt great to find a community that relished in the same things as I. I even started my own ABDL account on Deviantart back in 2018 under the name SketchPatch176 and began making fanart. In 18 months, I reached 450 followers and even got a few commissions done. I made TONS of ABDL art and stories of Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, Star Vs The Forces of Evil, and The Loud House. I made a lot of ABDL friends there and was generally happy. And yet...it's also been a great source of frustration and pain. When I started reading ABDL stories and getting off to them, most of them were of underage kids and teens. I still remember my first ABDL story being Baby Katie over on FoxTaleTimes. I didn't know or care at that time. The scenarios in these stories were hot and I loved picturing them in my head (later even imaginging myself in the place of the protagonist). It's only now, when the feelings still persist, that I worry. Once I got into my older teens and learned what child porn was, my enjoyment of ABDL started to turn into paranoia. Was I reading child porn? Did jerking off to stories of kids and teens getting diapered and babied make me a pedophile? To makes things worse, my mom found out about my fetish and for the last 10 years, I've been trying to convince her (and myself) that this fetish isn't illegal and ammoral. I've defended you guys countless times to her. However, the fetish still worries her and, after all this time, it worries me too. She kepts hoping that I would grow out of it and called my art "boarderline risky." This worry eventually consumed me with fear and acting on impluse, I did the impossible: I deleted my SketchPatch account. I just...I couldn't take the stress anymore. It was eating away at me and in pure desperation, I thought that purging it all would relieve me of all the pain. But it only made me feel worse. I felt like a drug addict on withdraw it was that bad. Even now, six months after the act, I still feel this way and constantly debate whether I should have done it or not. Now, I'm currently seeing a therapist, who tells me that drawing art and stories of underage characters is wrong and promotion of rape culture/sexualizing the image of children. I do see some truth in her words, but it doesn't make the urges go away. It only gave me even deeper conflicting ideas of the ABDL community. I mean, our community claims to be completely against pedophilia, child exploitation, and child porn, yet ADISC, DailyDiapers, AR Archives, ABDLStoryForum, AB/DLStories, AB-DL.com (now gone), Baby Brrr Nursery (now gone), ZityBitz, Deviantart, and many more sites have TONS of stories staring under-18 protagonists in both sexual and nonsexual ABDL stories. And that's not even mentioning the fanart community. Now, I consider ADISC and DailyDiapers to be the kings of the ABDL community, the experts. If anyone can explain this double standard to me (or at least emphasize with me and my issues), it would be you guys. So I ask you...How? How can our community constantly claim to stand against child exploitation and the involvement of minors in our kink when we are CONSTANTLY doing the opposite in our stories and fanart? I've seen everything from underage characters being sissified to forcibly diapered to even mentally/physically regressed. How can this not qualify as animated child porn? Why do we get off to stories like this?! I'm sorry for sounding so judgemental, but this stress is literally KILLING me! My soul feels like it's being yanked in a hundred different directions and my self-confidence has plummeted. I'm not totally blaming you guys, but sites like this gave the younger, impressionable me a sexual interests in stories/art of underage characters in diapers and I need help. I don't want to feel like a closeted pedo or perv all my life. Please...help me. Explain to me this double standard.
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Hey everyone. I've been going through a whole lot of sadness for a very long while and I though It would do me some kind of service to vent about it. Usually I don't but I guess its a good idea. To start I have not been getting anything I was hoping for in the abdl scene. I like to think of abdl as more than just a recreation, it is something I need in my life but nothing is going my way. I feel so unwanted and unappealing to anyone. I am bisexual looking for a loving daddy or mommy. I have met with two daddies so far that have only used me for my body. They don't care about my feelings and it seems as if very few do. I try to clarify that I am in search of love and not just sex but that is all people want from me. It makes me sick to think I fell in love for even a second. All I get is used and discarded like some piece of trash. Although I never actually had sex with them I have been only desired for foreplay and such. My feelings have been betrayed and I was too blind to see it. I cry knowing that all I am wanted for is sex and that makes it hard for me to even want to continue on with trying to find that special someone whether male or female. I get so pissed off when I see all these abdl women looking all cute and sexy and professionally photographed. It pissed me off to see just how fucking easy it is for women to find people. They get all the fucking attention always! I understand the high demographic of straight people but I don't even want to bother. Call it irrational but it irks me to see how the gay/bi population of abdl's are just not cared for at all. Also I feel so unattractive when I see girls diapered up and cute. I just want to hurt myself, just wtf am I doing? I am a handsome man, I believe that I am an attractive person, but I get the feeling of disbelief when I see so many pictures of girls in diapers doing this, doing that, looking cute blah blah and the men just love it. Whats there not to love about a diaper girl of course? Idk maybe this is totally stupid of me, but I really have a problem with my looks. Again I know I look great! I have been told I am hot, I am not trying to be self-centered but I am aware of my looks is all, the second I see some great picture of an abdl girl and its super popular and what not, then I look at how much there pictures are seen in comparison to mine I just think "You are fucking ugly, hurt yourself, your worthless, you stupid ugly fuck, you will never be that great, no one wants you, you suck." I cry thinking I'll be just alone and unloved. I haven't even worn a nappy in a long while cause I just start crying and think "No one wants this baby" It sucks cause really I am a happy guy! I love to be happy. I just cry when I am faced with the constant loneliness. I need the love of someone who can watch over me and baby me and not be obsessed with sex. I keep being told "be patient, be patient" and I try to, but I handle my problems different from others. I just don't even know what I am doing anymore. I love diapers and abdl so much, but thats only scratching the surface of what I need/want. Perhaps I am being overly dramatic about this, but I just really need that caregiving kind of love. So I know I am safe from myself, safe from the sex addicted, and safe from much more. At one point I even had to deal with a racist daddy (btw I'm black) and he said some pretty rude stuff to me. So naturally I crawled back into my shell of self-hatred. Thats all I got to say for now folks.