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Just a quick conversation between two mothers Tracking System “So, why did you put Aiden back into nappies?” “He’s started too early with attitude. I expected that when he approached his teens... you know... he’d get disrespectful and clever, but at ten.... I don’t think so.” “It’s that school, quite a few of the kids there seem to have an attitude... especially the boys who behave like brats. I don’t think the place has heard of discipline.” “Well maybe but I’m not having my son coming home and displaying that insolence.” “So, how did you do it?” “Well, ever since he was potty trained at three, and changed from nappies to briefs, I’ve only ever bought him one style.” “What do you mean?” “I’ve only ever let him wear little white briefs... tighty-whities some people call them but I insisted that they were what all growing boys wore.” “And he believed you?” “Most boys at kindergarten and infants wore colourful kid’s pants, which he also wanted. But, I told him that they were fine for little kids but he was growing up fast and older boys wore only white briefs. He liked to think of himself as being older than he was.” “Big boy briefs, clever... but haven’t you encouraged him to be just that... a Big Boy?” “True, and I still do but not at the moment. He’s going to be grown-up for a really long time and I’d like to have him still my little boy for a while longer.” “Oh you’re very complicated... and confusing... so why put him white briefs..?” “Well, I’ve always thought that white briefs looked like nappies anyway.” “Now you mention it...” “I think... white briefs and trunks make them think they’ve grown up but basically... they’d much rather still be in nappies... so they’re just a substitute. When I see Aiden wearing his white undies... it always brings back memories of him in a nappy... which is what got me thinking.” “Mmmm maybe... So, how did that help get him back into...?” “I always made sure he wears his little white pants to school and under his pjs at night. This means I can keep constant track of his bodily functions because, although he’s potty trained, his little white briefs tell me another tale.” “Do tell.” “Well, boys being boys are not the cleanest or most fastidious of toilet goers. They leave drips and dribbles, smears and well, all manner of fluids in their pants. They never even think about it, or have any qualms about not keeping their bodily secretions in the appropriate place... the toilet.” “Isn’t that what undies are for?” “Well yes but... I needed to teach my boy a lesson... although I wanted to be subtle I didn’t want him to think that’s what it was.” “I see, so his messy white briefs let you know just how negligent he’s been.” “Precisely... they are a simple and unobtrusive tracking system” “But why did you want him to be back in nappies... I mean surely it means more work for you?” “He’s at that age where being belligerent, thinks he knows best and refuses to listen are the traits of a boy growing up. However, a quick reality check and a slice of humility by showing him he’s still just a little boy will, I anticipate, get him to tow-the-line and respect me. Not so much Jim, he’s always got on better with his father, but his off-handedness and rudeness towards me is going to stop. After all, he still relies on us for everything and he needs to know he can’t just do or say what he pleases.” “I understand what you mean. I wish I’d taken a firmer hand with my kids. Still, it does seem a little harsh.” “I wanted to peg back that defiance early enough by making him realise just how dependent on us he really is.” “But, how did that get him back into nappies?” “Well, every morning, when he changed his underwear, I’d check the laundry basket. His pjs and underpants especially have been getting worse... and more than a little damp in the morning. I knew he would be embarrassed if I confronted him so I waited until he had no option than to take up my suggestion.” “Oh, I see... what was it he had no option to do?” “Well, he wants to go on a school trip. They’re going to France for two weeks in the summer break and he’s desperate to go.” “That sounds nice.” “It’s a nice idea but... I produced his wet and mucky undies and simply told him I wasn’t convinced I trusted him not to make a mess whilst away. I told him that I wasn’t going to be embarrassed by a boy who couldn’t keep his pants clean and I didn’t want him to embarrass himself by other’s witnessing his filthy undies. He was so embarrassed when I held up several pairs of his stained briefs... poor boy didn’t know where to put himself. I was firm and told him that I’d only let him go on the trip when I was convinced he could keep his underwear clean for a week.” “I bet.” “He was flustered, apologetic, off hand, argumentative and making excuses but I zoned in on his awkwardness and simply said NO... I was not satisfied and until I was he was going nowhere.” “So, how did you get a ten year-old back into nappies?” “I told him that I thought his briefs were not robust enough to take the damage he was inflicting every night and that I intended putting him back into nappies until I was sure.” “Oh I bet that didn’t go down well.” “No, he screamed blue murder at me but I was patient and reasonable... letting him know that I was mainly worried about his nocturnal emission as they appeared to be getting worse. I don’t actually think they were but highlighted just how damp and messy his morning pants were. I stressed that I understood he had no control when asleep, so I was prepared, if he met me half way, to just make wearing a nappy a condition of his sleeping arrangements rather than day time as well.” “Did he consent?” “He was dead against it but I told him that if he was worried what people might think I was prepared to explain to his father that his son still messed his underwear and that’s why I needed him to wear a nappy.” “Didn’t his father know?” “Jim doesn’t really know what’s going on he’s too embroiled with work but Aiden and he are the best of friends...” “Oh.” “He seemed relieved his father didn’t know, which I hoped would be the case, so I inferred that I wouldn’t tell him providing he wore protection at night. Either that or, if he felt I was being unreasonable, he could discuss the arrangement with his dad.” “Did you suspect he’d be too humiliated to speak to Jim about it?” “I knew he would... so I said I hadn’t told his father but if he didn’t do as I suggested I was quite happy to let him know. But, and I stressed this... I thought it would be in his own interest to get such an easy problem to solve.... solved.” “Ah clever...” “He promised that he’d be a lot more careful but I said I’d given him loads of time to sort himself out, years in fact, but now was time to make it happen if he wanted to spend time away. So, either he could just get on with wearing a nappy at night or, we could discuss his messy pants with his father and see what he had to say. I implied that I was sure his dad would insist on him wearing protection all day, every day.” “I bet he wasn’t happy.” “No but the idea scared him enough so that he wears a nappy every night now... and has done for a couple of weeks.” “Mmmm that long... but how?” “I just made sure that after the first night in a nappy... he woke up soaked.” “You cunning thing.” “He’s quite a heavy sleeper so getting him to ‘wet’ his nappy wasn’t that difficult.” “Sleeping pills?” “A couple... and a glass of water.” “What was his reaction to waking up soaked?” “I turned the tables... making it look like I was angry with him, claiming that he was just trying it on and accused him of wetting on purpose just to prove a point. He of course denied it.” “You have my admiration.” “I told him that I knew things were getting worse because of the state of his pjs and undies and thank god we reacted quickly enough. So he had no option but to wear them the following night and guess what...” “Another accident?” “You bet. However, I was more conciliatory and praised him for at least wearing protection... I thought that was the responsible thing to do but I wanted him to wear plastic pants as well from then on. He didn’t want to but was much too distraught to argue about that.” “Slowly, slowly catchee monkey... eehh?” “On the fourth morning I made sure it was his father who discovered his wet son.” “I bet that didn’t go down well.” “No, both were embarrassed but Aiden couldn’t deny it and his father wanted to know what was going on. I explained to Jim privately that I tried to keep it secret for Aiden’s sake that he was wetting the bed... again.” “Again?” “Yes I implied that this wasn’t the first time but that I’d kept that secret from him too though things had gotten worse recently so I had to make the ‘nappy’ decision.” “Very clever.” “Mmmm, I said I didn’t want to put any type of wedge between them as I knew he looked up to Jim and was quite embarrassed about the entire thing... so... thought it best to try and keep it confidential for everyone sake. But now it was out...” “Was Jim on-board? I bet he was on Aiden’s side wasn’t he?” “Actually, he was very supportive. He blamed himself for being too involved with work and not taking notice of home life. He was very sympathetic with me for the extra laundry and work I must have had to put up with (I didn’t mention that never happened I simply let him assume). He thought I’d handled it pretty well and told Aiden that he was proud he’d decided on wearing a nappy as it was doing a terrific job.” “So Jim now knows... what’s his thought on Aiden... you know... wearing a nappy.” “Well, that’s the good thing. As far as Jim is aware it’s only because of his bedwetting that Aiden is in nappies. So, he’s told him that as long as he keeps wearing protection until I’m satisfied he can go back to simply wearing pjs, (that is he stops his night time wetting) he’s happy for him to go on this trip to France. However, if he argues or gives me any grief on the subject he won’t be going.” “Has he accepted the nappy completely?” “He acted up a bit when I started pegging his nappies and rubber pants out on the washing line to dry. He was very unhappy but I said that if he wanted me to stop then I needed something from him and that was to be in his night time protection by 7.30 each and every night. I told him I wanted a regular routine and not just when he ‘felt like it’.” “Getting some of your power back eh?” “Definitely, I did say he could go out after but I wanted him in protection no later than that time. I also let him know that I never mentioned his mucky and disgusting underwear, so, as far as his father’s concerned, it was just the bedwetting he has to deal with. I threatened to tell Jim about that and was sure he’d have more to say on the subject.” “Did he agree?” “Surprisingly yes. I think it was mainly the thought of his mates knowing he had to wear a nappy that swung it. It was the least upsetting compromise for him... seeing as he was wearing a nappy to sleep in anyway.” “Do you make sure he wears...?” “Yes, but Jim asked if I wanted him to do his bit... I just smiled and said I didn’t want to embarrass the boy any further and that I’d see to him. However, I’ve made sure he wakes up wet most mornings so I’ve mentioned that occasionally I’d be grateful if he’d check.” “That’s good.” “Yes, Jim’s very good because he heaps praise on him whether he’s wet or not... he sees it as something Aiden needs and therefore has to wear one. He’s very positive because he doesn’t want his son to feel in the least bit ashamed about it.” “But he must feel ashamed... doesn’t he?” “Oh yes, he’s completely docile in the mornings now.” “So, is the nappy now the thing that tracks his toilet habits?” “Yes, but perhaps the strange thing is his nappies are messier than his undies ever were. It’s like he wants to use the thing even if he thinks he doesn’t. It’s got him so he’s not sure about anything and is quite humiliated.” “Shame, embarrassment, anxiety and wearing a nappy - that’s quite a list to control.” “I see the poor boy’s bewildered face every morning. He’s so embarrassed at the nappy check but has got used to me doing that now. However, I won’t let him sort himself out it has to be either his father or me that takes it off for him.” “I bet.” “The rustle of plastic pants down his legs and then the examination of the wet fabric leave’s him mute with embarrassment. He doesn’t dare speak. It’s as if he’s decided that until he’s in the bathroom and getting cleaned up, he has no say in what’s happening. Which he hasn’t” “Will he be going to France?” “Oh, no chance and he’s stopped mentioning it. There’s no real improvement is there? I mean... he doubts himself because of his reliance on that night time padding.” “Which you’re helping him fill?” “At the moment I’m only having him wet a few times a week but over the next few days he’ll be doing a lot more than that. In the end, I think he’ll be too self-conscious to want to be with his school mates in any situation... he’ll be far too dependent on his nappy.” “Well of course, accidents will happen.” “Yes they will. So, a summer of plastic pants and thick nappies 24/7 is what I’ve lined up for him. The first couple of weeks of the school break he’ll come camping with us... and we can both keep an eye on our suddenly incontinent little boy.” “Won’t Jim be suspicious?” “Maybe but I’ll let him know I’ve been anticipating this for a while; ever since he wet the bed all those months ago that I’ve seen a steady decline. I’ll tell him that, according to the experts, it’s not an uncommon phase for boys to go through and that they usually ‘snap’ out of it just as suddenly as they slip into it. But it’s nothing to worry about as we’ve got it covered.” “You’re taking chances and making an awful lot of work for yourself.” “Yes I know but, when your son suddenly thinks he’s independent and a man but you know better... it’s time to let him know he’s really just a little kid.” “Oh that reminds me... here are the new vinyl pants I told you about. A bit childish I know but they’re very strong.” “Thanks very much. Oh yes, these are large enough and I love these cute little cartoon characters.” “Are you sure you’ll be able to get him to wear them?” “They’re the only ones I’ll take. So, together with the disposables they will be better for him as I’m sure he wouldn’t want the tent surrounded by drying fabric nappies. However, if he prefers them I’ll let him know I’m happy for him wear what he’s used to.” “Cunning, you seem to have this well sorted.” “For the summer holidays at least he’s going to be our little boy in nappies and, together with the new childish shorts I’ve bought for him and these plastic pants he’ll look the part. However, he won’t know about all this until his first change at the campsite and by then it will be too late.” “He’s not going to like that.” “I intend to be there for my little boy and give him what he needs at this crisis in his life... a crisis I’ve told his father I saw coming. Jim will be with me on this because I’ll emphasise how grateful I am for his support of our son. However, should Aiden complain, I’ll point out that the more fuss he makes the more attention he’ll bring on himself... so... the best way is to follow our instructions and no one need be any the wiser.” “Are you sure you can make this work for any length of time?” “Not really but he won’t have any option... he’ll be pissing or crapping his nappy so often he’ll just be relieved and eager to have a clean disposable to slip into. By then I’ll have got him at a point where he’s unsure of his standing and that maybe his parents know what’s best for him.” The chink of wine glasses and laughter ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~