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Guess who's just been for a lovely walk in the woods? A Lovely Walk The last week the weather had been wonderful, sunny and hot and just what I needed after being cooped up for so long. However, the last two days had led to thunderstorms and the rain had bucketed it down and flooded many areas. Thankfully, today was back to sun, blue skies and sultry warm air. I knew the wood near my house would be alive with insects and birdlife, and despite the threat of muddy trails decided to go for a walk. Before I did that, I had to get myself ready. I took a deep breath and headed for my stash of nappies, taking my time to fold one, add a couple of soaker pads, oil my naked pubic area and include a flurry of baby powder all over my sleepy little genitals. It was fun to pull and pin, tighten and re-pin, until I was satisfied they were as snug as can be. Then I opened my baby pants drawer and fished out a pair of soft vinyl cartoon nappy covers, slowly drew them up my thighs and over the bulky fabric. I love the feel of glossy plastic and heavy folds of material holding me together, so after I’d had enough of caressing myself I sorted a pair of thin, pale blue elasticated cotton shorts I’d had since I was around ten. Actually, that isn’t true because they wouldn’t have fit but when I bought these, they reminded me so much of the originals I just transferred the two in my head. I pulled on a Mickey Mouse t-shirt and ambled downstairs. Now, I knew the woods would be muddy so sorted out my rubber wellington boots, my wellybobs as I liked to call them, and slipped my feet into them. I stood for a moment and was transported back to when I was four and dad and I would have our occasional Sunday morning walk through the nearby woods where we used to live and dad would hold my hand and point out various things of interest. At four years old, everything was of interest and I could get quite excited over a leaf or the way a bird sang. Anyway, I was now ready to venture into my own woody paradise and I wasn’t disappointed. The place was abuzz with insect noises, whilst the variety of birdsong was deafening. As I sauntered slowly up the various trails, the rubber of the boots would gently smack the back of my naked calves. This was something else I remember happening whenever I wore wellybobs... my childhood was being re-enacted with each step. The sun had made the air in the wood heavy yet as I walked the dappling effect through the leaves and branches left me mesmerised and envious of the birds that could fly to the highest branches. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Just listening to the various sounds was pure delight and I felt like I was four years-old again... and loving it. With my eyes closed I could hear nearby rustling; it could have been anything from a mouse to a deer – in my head it was all those things. When I found a small clearing and stood enjoying the sunlight simply cascading its glorious warmth down onto me I let loose my bladder and filled my nappy. Standing in the sun’s rays I felt my crotch warm and gently pushed at the front of my expanding nappy – it felt glorious. I opened my eyes to see two elderly gentlemen silently walking past. They bid me a ‘good morning’ and I offered the same in return. I don’t know if they knew what I’d done but I was back to being four so I didn’t mind one way or the other. # Coming out of my reverie and drawn by the sound of a distant woodpecker I moved further into the wood. The drilling noise seemed to carry over the whistles of the blackbirds, the tweets of various tits and thrushes and the caw-caws of the noisy corvids. Also, as the vegetation got thicker the trail got muddier and thicker. I slipped on a jagged-out root and almost lost my balance, in the end I merely grazed myself against a tree, which thankfully held me up. As I got by breath back I slowly picked my spot as to where I placed my feet and, at the same time, became the target for a haze of midges or some-such annoying creature. I put a spurt on to leave their protected area but my feet got bogged down in thicker mud and progress was halted for a moment until I could work out the best way to advance. Forward was my only direction. I pulled my boots out and set off at a pace but was suddenly once again hit by the memory of the rubber of my wellies slapping the back of my legs like they did as a kid. As a child a slap to the back of your legs was just a reminder to be good and that’s just what it felt like as I made headway along my chosen path. I turned a corner and was as startled as the deer I almost bumped into as it charged off deep into the wood. I could tell by the disappearing white bum it was a roe deer, and I giggled to myself wondering if that would have recognised my white nappy disappearing had it been me able to take flight. However, that encounter had even further gladdened my heart and made this little nature ramble, despite the occasional boggy mass, very enjoyable. # I’d meandered hither and thither (yes I thought it sounded poetic as well) around the woodland and decided it was time to head back home. Meanwhile, the weight in my nappy was making me walk with more than a slight waddle but I was enjoying that particular sensation. A blackbird flew out from a small bush and I found myself slipping into a large dark muddy puddle. This time there was nothing to try to grip as my feet found no purchase and I slid, bum first, into the mucky pool. My cotton shorts soaked up everything they could, whilst the plastic pants protected my already soaked nappy. A dog and a young girl came past at that moment and valiantly she offered to help. I didn’t think her slight frame would be able to support me but at least she tried and actually did help me gain a foothold. “Thank you... what a lovely dog.” But she just smiled sweetly and, like the deer, soon disappeared. Now with more incentive than ever I headed back home. I knew there was a relative short cut to the way I’d come and before long, smelling not so sweetly, arrived back at my garden gate. My freshly mown lawn beckoned an afternoon of lying out on a blanket and soaking up as much sun as I could but first I needed to change. I left my wellybobs at the door, being so muddy they needed to be rinsed off before I could put them away. My shorts and t-shirt, which I’d forgotten completely about, but Mickey had a huge dirty mark across his nose, so he needed to be in the wash as well. I set the washer going and disappeared up to the bathroom. Wriggling out of the plastic pants, which had done such an excellent job of both repelling and containing liquid, I rinsed under the tap and hung on the shower curtain rail to dry. My nappy was in a state but it had stayed relatively tight to my body despite the amount of pee it now contained. I chucked that into the pail with a couple of others to soak in the nappy solution and had a quick shower. A short while later, fully clean and dry, I sprinkled some baby powder on my naked crotch and, in a moment of reckless abandonment, slipped into another nappy. Once tightly in place I picked up the tartan blanket, spread it out on the lawn and, after rubbing in some suntan lotion, lay out to enjoy the sun. I lay there happily thinking what a great little walk I’d just done. The sights and sounds I’d enjoyed and the encounters, no matter how brief, I’d experienced, made it a trip to remember. I saw the red marks on the back of my calves where the rubber boots had gently slapped with each step and chuckled to myself yet again. I’d liked being four and now, wrapped once again in nothing but a nappy, it was going to be fun being even younger. I lifted the cold bottle of apple juice to my lips and pretended I was back in my playpen when I was two. Memories of my mother, who unfortunately is no longer with us, filled my head. As I closed my eyes, all the love, the kisses, the attention, the smiles she gave over my childhood surrounded my body as I drifted off into a welcoming haze. “Mummy, I wuv u” “And I wuv my lil poppet” “Tank u mummy” “Close your eyes sweetie let mummy rock you to sleep” “Mmmmmmmm” “That’s right sweetheart... mummy will always be here.” ####