littleTomás

Hey everyone, it has been awhile and a lot of things have changed in my life. I've been though clinical depression and needed to delay my university graduation as a result. I've dropped away from the stories I'd been writing and debating if I should go back to them, or start fresh. I've recently come out as non-binary so I go by Jamie now and use they/them pronouns. The flowers here were a coming out gift from one of my close friends. There's lots of change in my life right now as I'm in a gap semester and working as a barista. I hope all y'all are having a great day.

C4: Coffee, Commissions, Cello, and Congratulations

If you’re reading this you may be thinking, “Wow, Tomás is back! Where has he been?” Or maybe something more along the lines of, “Tomás finally decided to check a social media platform other than Discord again.” Whichever boat y’all fall into—or none of the above—I am back in one since of the word, but a more accurate way to put it is that I hope to share my thoughts more in the forum more often. I haven’t written erotica in a very long time and I don’t know when I’ll be ready to go back to that. It was something that required me to have a free mind in order to write and at the moment there are likely too many things swirling around in the whirlwind that is my life in order for me to be able to write something that I’m truly proud enough of to unleash for the enjoyment of others.

Coffee: I still love it and am very much addicted to it. Why? Because mornings just suck. Like who wants to get up early and get out of a cozy bed and then do work? Answer is not me, but such is the life I live with. A nice fresh ground triple shot of Aeropress Espresso made from single-origin Shenandoah Joe Coffee beans does make the worst part of the day more bearable. On the bright side, my coffee addiction has made me fit right in among analysts and engineers.

Commissions: Did I mention I’m a furry who struggles to draw anything that looks good? Yeah, but I do have money which means I can do one of the most fun things ever: commission artists to draw awesome art! I love the interaction and having super talented people to bounce cool ideas off of. In addition, I have some friends in furry-denial who I’m looking forward to introducing to the wonderful world of working as freelance furry artists.

Cello: Playing the cello is something I did very little during quarantine, and I was sad to hear that the community orchestra I’m in has cancelled the fall concert due to rising COVID case numbers. The leadership made the right call given that low brass instruments double as massive spit particle projectors. Thankfully, I plan on doing a sting quartet so that should give me something to work towards. However, I still need to get some maintenance work done on my cello. I hope to get that done and get back to playing regularly.

Congratulations: My summer internship ended with lots of kind words and small, but meaningful gifts. It was surreal for me because it had been a very long time since I’d been recognized for any sort of academic or technical work I’d done. It was odd when I turned in my badge and walked out the door of the office on my last day. I sat in my car and thought to myself, “my internship really did just end.” It was strange because the start of it was full of uncertainty with if the program was going to be cancelled due to COVID or not, and the hiring process had been going on for a very long time with paperwork and meetings. I found it strange how it seemed like it took forever for my internship to begin and then it was like one day I entered the office, and the next day I left, yet 3 months had passed. I was immersed in the working world for a short period of time and I learned a lot, but now I’m back in the world of collage which has turned foreign to me after 3 semesters online. Similarly, I hope that before I know it, I’ll be walking across the stage at graduation and getting a degree which, I often questioned my ability to achieve. The home stretch is always the most exciting part of a journey, but I’ll be heading out into the big wide world which I have no idea what that world will look like in May of 2022. For now, I want to get to the finish line successfully and I think that means that I may have to let some things I’d like to do fall by the wayside in favor of other commitments. On the bright side, for the first time in a long time I feel that motivation and desire to learn: I just need to channel my energy in the correct direction.

So I found the elusive GPU. It wasn't the one I wanted, but it was a good deal in this market: an RTX 2060 for $300. Weird to get a 2-year-old card at only $50 under original MSRP, but I'll take what I can get. Bigger thing is that it has 3 mm clearance with the front of the case on a good day, but it fits. Should have my new gaming rig (Ryzen 5 3600, 32 GB Ram, 1 TB SATA SSD) finished as soon as the final parts come in.

I'm searching for a graphics card at MSRP with an army of notification bots on my side. I will beat the scalpers in this battle and if I ever meet said scalper face-to-face then I will (consensually) beat them with my flogger. Because god dammit if I can build a supersonic sounding rocket, then I can buy a graphics card at MSRP.

Greetings everyone and happy new year. I can't be happier that 2020 is over because it was a really tough year for me. Last year saw me moving back in with my family, adjusting to taking very challenging courses online, and seeing the aspects of collage that I loved the most (concerts, social events, parties, and engineering projects and competitions) fade away from my life. I got into a relationship and then watched it come crashing down. My ongoing battle with depression continued as the stressors in my life simple built up on top of each other. I've watched loved ones struggle with illness while friends I held dearly made decisions to party during a pandemic. For the third consecutive semester, I was sitting with a calculator and pad of paper before taking my final exams assessing the odds of me failing courses and wondering if I chose the right major and if I'm actually cut out for the work I'm training to do. For reasons I'll never fully understand, I managed to pass all my classes; surviving and advancing to the next semester. I simply had to set my kinky writing on the back burner as I deal with recovering from major burnout.

Littlespace has been a major escape for me and saving grace in a tough period in my life. I'm very happy to have stumbled across an ABDL Discord server that became my refuge in a time where I felt very alone. Folks there encouraged me to start running a D&D campaign that's really ignited my creative storytelling ability. I hope to bring that enthusiasm and storytelling to my writings here very soon. I'd like to thank everyone who has offered thanks and encouragement to me. It means a lot to me to have people enjoy the work that I do.

Recently, I've taken some time to reflect on some of my past writing I haven't shared here yet. I think posting my essay Formed as an addendum to this post makes sense as that essay cornicles my struggle to find my identity and come to grips with my past. I first presented that work at an original literature competition. I didn't win, but there was power in finding a platform and voice to share a story that was difficult for me to talk about.

Thank you for your ongoing love and support and feel free to reach out to me if any of you ever want to talk.

Best,

Little Tomás

Formed.pdf